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I have a problem, Tobio types into the message box. He's on Reddit—a place for hopeless cases like himself.
“Relationship Advice for Losers Like You” is the name of the thread… forum… whatever the fuck it’s called, and god, Tobio hates every second he spends on this hellhole of a website.
The problem, though, is that he and Hinata are dating. Well, the dating itself isn’t the problem. Things are fine at school, during practice, whenever they walk together on the way home. They laugh and tease and roughhouse each other into the dirt all day. Sometimes, they even hold hands. (Yeah, things are good.)
The problem is that the second they take a step into an empty room together, it’s like all the air is sucked out of the windows and the only thing either of them know how to do is sit awkwardly side-by-side, a good holy three inches apart, and “cuddle.” If you can even call it that. (Tanaka calls it sexual tension, which, considering Tanaka said the same thing two years ago, is maybe worse. That means they already had sexual tension and the dating part hasn’t actually solved anything.)
And so, here Tobio is on Reddit. They’re on the sofa together. Hinata is sitting a good holy three inches away from him like usual, face buried in his own phone. He keeps giggling at something, which only irks Tobio even more. They could be holding hands, or kissing… Whenever he thought about dating Hinata, he kind of thought there would be more kissing.
Annoyed, he types a message into the thread: I want to kiss my boyfriend but he’s distracted by his phone and won’t look at me.
Almost immediately, another message pops up below his own.
Oho, you’ve come to the right place! (A sentence Tobio seriously doubts.) I’m the king of oblivious boyfriends!
…Is that something to brag about?
Well, whatever. Tobio swallows his pride as much as he can and begins describing the scene to the king of oblivious boyfriends.
Ooh, a movie, huh. Oblivious Boyfriend King replies. Are you close enough to put an arm around him without it being too obvious?
Tobio glances at Hinata out of the corner of his eye. He thinks he can close the gap, and sure enough, one awkward arm movement later, he does. He did it! His arm is around Hinata! Except…
He didn’t notice.
Hinata giggles beside him, and Tobio huffs.
Wow, didn’t notice that at all? That’s rough.
Great, and now Tobio’s gotta type back one-handed.
Now what?
Hmm… You could pretend you’re cold? Maybe if you start shivering, he’ll notice and try to warm you up ;)
Seriously? It’s summer.
Well, even more reason for him to notice! What if you’re sick?!
Shit. Okay. Tobio cringes at himself for what he’s about to do.
Sitting in place, he… shivers. At least he thinks he does. He’s pretty sure he’s just moving his shoulders back and forth, but he does bump them into Hinata more than once. And sure enough, Hinata looks up! ...At the movie. He laughs at whatever stupid joke was just on the screen, proving that he is, in fact, capable of multitasking, then turns back to his phone.
Motherfuc– Tobio drops his head back against the couch.
He's still on his phone… What else?
Seriously?! This guy sucks!
Like Tobio's not the bigger sucker for liking Hinata anyway, but, still, the comment does wonders for his ego. (He’s on a thread for losers after all, there’s no coming back from this if Hinata ever finds out.)
Ok. Oblivious Boyfriend King says. What if you lean your head in a bit and say his name. Then when he looks at you, bam! Just kiss him! No way that won’t get his attention LOL.
…
Well, Oblivious Boyfriend King isn’t wrong, it would probably get Hinata’s attention.
If I get punched, I’m blaming you.
Beside him, Hinata snickers again, and Tobio steels himself for the moment of truth. He also clenches his abs, just in case, then, slowly, he leans in. Then he makes a split-second decision that’ll either make or break everything.
“Shouyou.” he says, right next to Hinata’s ear.
“Wha–!” Hinata immediately spins toward him, face red, hand over his ear. “What was–”
Tobio kisses him. Just plants one right on shocked-Hinata’s open mouth. Except he doesn’t close his eyes like he’s probably supposed to, so he gets to witness Hinata panic in real-time. Eyes wide, face reddening even more than Tobio ever thought possible. He looks like he might actually be having trouble breathing, so Tobio finally lets him go and they each take a deep staggering breath.
“Wh-what– was that for–” Hinata huffs out.
Tobio pushes the phone out of Hinata’s hand onto the sofa and goes back to staring pointedly at Hinata’s mouth. “Isn’t it obvious?”
After a moment, Hinata snorts. “Oh, I see how it is. You just wanted to kiss this whole time, didn’t you?”
“No,” Tobio lies. “I didn’t. I barely want to kiss you right now.”
“Oh, sure. Whatever you say, perv. I bet you want to kiss me so ba–”
Tobio pounces again, but even after Hinata kicks him in the shin, they both end up kissing anyway as they fall backward onto the cushions. Hinata’s hands are in Tobio’s hair and Tobio’s got a hand up under Hinata’s shirt, and man, Tobio thinks he might actually owe Oblivious Boyfriend King his life as Hinata kisses him again and again until he feels almost dizzy from the adrenaline. (He still thinks Hinata’s the real loser here, because he obviously wouldn’t have had to go on that stupid loser advice forum if not for his stupid loser boyfriend. And if Hinata ever finds out he went on Reddit for relationship advice, that’s definitely the reasoning he’ll use.
But for now–)
“Does putting your hand in my pants make you the perv?”
“Shut up!” Hinata squawks. “It’s not pervy if you're my boyfriend!”