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Hot, metallic air struck at Cullen as he opened the door to the forge and walked inside.
"Commander Cullen! I finished yer repairs, the shield's right o'er there!" the blacksmith cried, swiping sweat from his brow with a thick forearm and pointing to a corner table.
"Thank you, Beren," Cullen replied with a nod, heading over to inspect the work.
The surface was smooth, polished to a mirror-like sheen. No sign remained of the dent that had marred its surface, nor of the claw marks. No, not a single trace of the abuse the red templars had laid into his shield could be found.
Rolling his head back, hand pressed against the stiff muscles of his neck, he caught a flash of white in the upper level. Interesting.
Curious, Cullen hauled himself up the stairs to the second level, the heat somehow both thicker and more muted. Seated at Cassandra's customary table, nose buried in a book with quill in hand, was Lux. The sunlight streaming in through the window next to the table played off her platinum hair, each strand lit like a halo. Even her eyelashes seemed to glow.
As he approached, she scored a line through some text, brow furrowing ever so slightly.
"Not here for any repairs?" he asked, earning him a startled look.
"No. Cassandra recommended me a book. She left. After I retrieved it."
"Ah. What did she lend you? A combat guide?" The lettering didn't look familiar to Cullen, a loosely curving script flowing over the page. "Perhaps it's one I haven't read."
"No," Lux stated, cheeks coloring. He was close enough now to see underlined words.
—as he kissed her, his lips tasting like tiny cherry tarts.
"Oh." Now he was blushing as well. This was not the type of book he expected at all.
"Have you ever kissed anybody, Commander?" she asked in that guileless way that set his heart to skip a beat.
"I, uh, I have. A long time ago."
"What was it like?"
"Um. It was fine? Maker's breath, I was twelve."
The girl had been from Honnleath. She had promised him a kiss if he were brave enough to touch the statue in the center of town after the service at the chantry. His knees had knocked together he'd been shaking so hard, but he managed to run up and slap a palm against its rough, rocky side.
The girl, Molly had been her name, had pressed her lips against his in a flurry of movement, before running away giggling. He'd spent the rest of the day beaming until Mia had caught on and teased him mercilessly. It was only a few months later that he left for the cloisters to begin his training.
"I've never kissed anybody. Cassandra said it's nice. I asked for some help and she gave me some books," Lux explained, cheeks still pink but her tone as level as ever.
"I didn't realize she read this sort of thing." Cullen couldn't quite imagine sharp, no-nonsense Cassandra sighing as she read about love and passion.
"What sort of thing? Are these bad?"
"No, no! Not bad. Just… Not what I expected from her."
Lux nodded, her eyes drifting back down to the pages, the quill still tightly gripped in her hands.
"I will, um, leave you to your reading then," he said, excusing himself with a nod before fleeing down the stairs. He paused briefly only grab his shield before leaving the smithy.
*****
Several hours later, Cullen had pushed the conversation from his mind. Back in his office, he was poring over a map of supply lines when there was a knock on the north door, terse and perfunctory.
"Enter," he called out.
The sight of Lux slipping in wouldn't be strange if she weren't so abnormally quick about it. She paused just inside, staring hard at him as if there was something wrong.
"Lux. Is there something I can help you with?"
"Commander— Cullen. I was thinking about our conversation and—" Her cheeks heated in a flood of color, the red drowning out the pale. "—I want to try kissing."
"You— Well." He floundered for a moment on how to reply, before lamely settling on, "That's, uh, good?"
She stared silently for a moment, as if trying to fit the pieces of her words together before she spoke.
"Will you kiss me?"
"What?" he spluttered, certain he'd misheard.
"Will you kiss me?" she repeated clearly, as if he had misheard.
"I-I couldn't— I shouldn't— I'm your commanding officer!"
Lux went still. Silent. Uncertainty flickered across her face for a moment before it smoothed back into nothing.
"Forgive me. It was… an inappropriate request." The open, curious light had left her eyes and he'd do anything to bring it back.
"Why me?" The words were out of Cullen's mouth before his brain could catch up.
She paused again for a long time, as if weighing the words carefully against his prior reaction. Then she spoke.
"I trust you." Another pause, another long stare. "I want it to be you."
Her eyes bored into him, full moons in a bright sky. He found he could only object to himself so many times until he had to admit that he wanted it, too. That the thought of kissing Lux had been lurking in the back of his mind ever since their talk, and long before that as well.
And for her to tell him; to voice her desire. To want him. He couldn't deny her.
"Very well," he relented, crossing around his desk as she approached. "How do you want to do this?"
"I don't know. The books— I don't think they're completely… relevant here." Her face grew pink again, but she continued to meet his eyes steadily.
"I admit, I'm not certain how to start either. Perhaps…" He shuffled a mite closer, until he was almost touching her. With a hesitant hand, he reached up, lightly dragging a thumb over Lux's cheek bone before gently cupping the back of her head.
Her breath puffed against his face as he drew closer. Tentatively, as if she'd slip away if he moved too quickly, he leaned in. She didn't move, eyes trained on him. They widened as his lips touched hers, a wide expanse of grey he could lose himself in. He pulled back before it could be considered inappropriate, carefully searching her face for any signs of distaste.
"Oh," she said quietly, pressing a shaking few fingers to her lips.
Before Cullen could say anything, she surged forward, her mouth meeting his in a rush. It pressed his teeth against his lips; uncomfortable, but confirming that this was indeed happening.
His hands tangled in her pale tresses, like shorn moonlight around her head. His gloves had him silently cursing, stripping away his chance to feel how soft her hair might really be. Breaking away, panting hard, he met her eyes. His cheeks were warm, no doubt matching the flush on her own as she breathed hard enough that her nostrils were flaring.
"That was, um… really nice," he floundered, a hand rising sheepishly to the back of his neck. Far different than kissing Molly all those years ago. Far nicer, to be honest.
"It was." Lux was breathlessly cool and calm, save for a pink flush to her face.
He cleared his throat, awkward yet ecstatic. Wanting more.
"A-Anyways, was that enough to satisfy your curiosity?" Inwardly he cursed. To satisfy her curiosity? As if he didn't want to do it again. And again and again and—
"It was. Thank you, Comm— Cullen. That was… very informative."
"Good. I'm, ah, glad that I could help."
She slipped from his office with a stony face and pink cheeks.
Her lips stained his memory for the rest of the day.
*****
The next time they kissed was only a few days later. Lux lingered after a meeting with Rylen and Briony, her eyes piercing him like a beam. Cullen couldn't say who moved first, only that they fell into each other, all lips and frenzied breath. This time, her mouth parted for him, allowing him in. Their breastplates clanked together uncomfortably, echoing the click of their teeth. It was far from a perfect kiss, more enthusiastic intent than skillful execution, but it wasn't like either of them knew what they were doing.
His body reacted swiftly as her tongue tentatively slid against his, his breeches growing tighter with a surprising fervor. Mortified, he angled himself away, trying not to let her discover the proof of his sudden arousal.
His lips parted in a gasp as she pulled him closer, ruining his plans with incredible efficiency.
"Oh." She stilled with a breath as the bulge in his trousers pressed against her upper thigh, inescapable and apparent.
"I am sorry," he stuttered—for his body's willful disobedience and for her subjection to it.
"The books, they mentioned this. Did I— Did the kissing arouse you?"
"Maker's breath! I…" He took a deep breath, feeling the heat flood his face. It had aroused him, feeling her lips against his, the taste of her flooding his mouth. The proximity of her body and the charge between them. There was no denying that. "Yes, it did."
Eyes wide with curiosity, she shifted against him. He hissed in a breath, and her lips quirked.
"I… would like to continue kissing." The way she bit her lip, like an afterthought, was enough to drive him mad. She might be his subordinate and he her superior, this might be a complete breach of propriety, but—Andraste preserve him—he wanted her.
His constant friend. His light. His Lux.
With gentle fingers, he gripped her chin and brought their mouths together again. This time, when her tongue met his, he leaned into it. His moan, low and deep, sent a shiver down her spine.
It seemed to spark something in her, as she scrabbled momentarily at his breastplate before her fingers sank into the ruff of his mantle. The metal of their armor screeched together as she pulled him closer, or at least tried to.
Breaking the kiss, she stood still and simply breathed for a moment. Then she turned those eyes on him, the black of her pupils nearly swallowing the grey until he could drown in their depths. He wanted her, unlike anything he had ever wanted in his life. He wasn't sure, though, if—
"I believe… I am aroused as well," she stated, a darker blush coming to her pale cheeks at her admission. And yet it was so earnest, her admission that this was affecting her as well. That it wasn't just him. It certainly made him feel better.
"I… I am, um, glad of that. Though I don't..." He trailed off. He couldn't even finish finishing his thought. That yawning question of 'So what now?' that loomed over them. Or, at least, over him. Was she worrying as well? Or maybe just waiting for some form of direction from him.
That he would not be able to give. No, she needed to want this on her own.
"I believe at this point, the couple moves somewhere more comfortable," she supplied helpfully, and he swallowed hard.
"I-Is that what you want?" he asked, shocked that she was the one to suggest it. Then again, maybe he'd have been more shocked if it had been his suggestion.
"Yes," she replied, a furrow touching her brow.
Her answer, so simply stated, carried a weight, a finality to it that stuck in his chest.
He threw himself into another kiss with renewed vigor, clutching at her shoulders helplessly. His fingers, normally so skilled on armor, wrestled futilely with the straps of her pauldrons. Without a pause in her lips moving against his, Lux reached between them to pluck and pull at the ties, stripping the armor in mere moments. Cullen might have felt embarrassed about being so shown up, but how could he when there was now the strong, muscled heat of her more easily within reach. Especially once he fumbled off his gloves.
It became a give and take, a push and pull. One piece of her armor would tumble to the ground, followed by the crash of one of his until there was no metal encasing them, no hard shell of protection against the heat, the feel of the other. Only the flimsy barriers of cloth and linen.
"Cullen," Lux gasped when his hand squeezed her bicep, the blaze of her setting his blood singing.
With a firm tug at his self-control, Cullen reeled himself back from her. "My bed, it's up the ladder."
She nodded in understanding, seeming to compose herself back from the Lux he was seeing into the Lux he knew. Her feet were steady as she marched to the ladder, the cadence of a soldier even without the clasp of armor.
His nerves rose as he followed her, each rung ratcheting up a bubbling anxiety. Were they really going to do this? He didn't… He wanted to. But he didn't want to disappoint.
He climbed through the hatch into his room and was met with the sight of Lux staring up.
"There is a hole."
"Yes."
"Skyhold is cold."
"...It is."
"You do not wish it repaired?"
"It isn't important. There are other repairs that are needed."
She frowned, still staring hard at the hole. "Most major repairs were completed months ago. They could fix this now."
Once she got like this, it was hard to distract her from her purpose. Normally he welcomed the way she looked out for him, even as he refused any help. This time, though, was different.
He stepped forward, looping her into his arms once more. The sound of surprise she made had him pressing harder against her, mouth crashing into hers. This kiss was frantic, sloppier and more uninhibited. It was as if the proximity of his bed made it feel more real.
Her hands caught in the fabric of his shirt, fingers curling into fists. He wrapped his fingers around hers, stepping back until his legs bumped against the bed. All at once, the realness became uncertainty, nerves squirming under the surface of his desire. Lux must have sensed the change, as she pulled back, concern clouding her eyes.
"There is something wrong." It wasn't a question, but it deserved an answer all the same.
"No! Nothing is wrong. I just… I've never… This is all very new."
Their bodies were still pressed close, the hard, strong line of her flush against him. There was no doubt that she could feel the flex of his length against her, the need coursing through his veins.
"Have you never… done this?" She blinked at him for a moment, surprise replacing the concern, and he blanched.
"No! When would I have had the chance?"
"There was a brothel in Kirkwall," she pointed out. No judgement, just pure fact. And curiosity.
"I-I never— I wouldn't— Maker's breath, no! I haven't."
"Oh."
"Is that a problem?"
"No. Why would it be?" she asked, her brows dragging together.
"Well, neither of us know what we're doing, for one." He needn't ask her of her experience, he knew the answer.
"I've read books."
"I don't think those books have the most accurate information."
She pursed her lips, thoughtful in her quiet. He almost missed the ghost of a quirk to her lip before she spoke again.
"Does that mean… we should not disrobe?"
He couldn't help the immediate disagreement that sprang to his lips, even as the humor danced across her eyes. With a bashful chuckle, he slipped a hand free to scratch at the back of his neck. She took the opportunity to step back from him completely, shucking off her shirt as she did.
Now it was his eyes that were impossibly wide, gaping at her bare chest as she bent to untie her boots. He was still staring as she straightened, beginning to untie the laces to her breeches with incredible efficiency.
"W-Wait," he finally croaked as her breeches slid down her long thighs, leaving her standing clad only in a utilitarian pair of small clothes. Immediately, doubt clouded over her. No move was made to cover herself, but he could see the way she shrank without motion. "No, no, not… just slow down," he said, trying to sound reassuring, but how could he when she was so bare and he could see every inch of pale, translucent skin before him. It was almost a shock how pink her nipples were against the stark white of her skin. He had almost imagined they would be just as pale.
Not— Not that he had imagined it! Not often…
"Slow down? But our clothes should be off."
"Yes, but…" He trailed off with a tug of a frown. At the furrow in her brow, he skimmed his own shirt up and over his head, hoping to at least level things somewhat. A few moments to remove his own boots—during which he could feel her eyes on him like hot coals—and then he had closed the gap between them once more.
Unsure of where to put his hands against so much bare skin, he settled them lightly on her hips as he kissed her again, all sweet, slow passion. Just knowing that there were fewer layers between them now, the brief feel of her breasts brushing against his skin, had need crawling down his spine and settling low in his belly. Maker, how he needed her. Needed this.
"Can I stop slowing down now?" she asked, words mumbled against him.
Cullen all but froze as she shimmied her smalls down her hips instead of waiting for an answer, leaving herself bared completely to him. The curly thatch of startlingly blonde hair that had been revealed to him as he glanced down stirred a desire in his loins he hadn't felt since before taking his vows.
"Now you," Lux stated, motioning at his breeches like she hadn't just shredded every ounce of collected calm he had. His hands started shaking by the time he reached for his laces, almost as badly as they had after a few weeks off lyrium. A slow slide of fabric against his skin, and then he was standing before her in only his strained smalls.
Grey eyes bored into him, a measured stare that made him want to squirm. The bob of her throat as she swallowed belied her nerves. That small admission gave him the confidence to push the last scrap of his modesty down, though his cheeks still reddened as his cock bobbed free.
"Oh."
Maker, would either of them ever stop blushing? He was sure he'd never seen so much color on Lux before, and the red on his face had crept down now to stain his collarbones.
Her eyes had not moved from his length. He coughed, embarrassed, and they shot up. Wide.
"Shall we, um, go back to kissing?" he asked, sure that the flush was down to his stomach now. Maybe even his toes.
She answered with a nod and her lips pressed against his and—oh, Maker—his cock nudged against the seam of her thighs as she stepped closer. He might explode.
A yelp nearly escaped him as her hand wrapped around his length. He knew the feel of his own hand, of course—he was a man after all. But he'd never expected the warm grasp of somebody else to feel so… incredible. Monumental.
She stilled as he tensed, suddenly so very close to his peak with just a touch.
"Is this… wrong?" Her hand began to slip away and he caught her wrist to stop her.
"No! No, Maker, it's everything right. I just was, um, unprepared for how good it would feel."
Her smile was perhaps the shyest he'd ever seen it, perfectly endearing in a way that made him feel lecherous. That quickly passed when she turned her hand in his grasp, gripping his forearm and dragging him onto the bed with her.
Fumbling for a moment, Cullen finally settled over Lux, his gaze raking down her body once more. Her breath puffed out through parted lips as his braced himself on one arm, his other hand raising, trembling, to caress her breasts. Maker's breath, they were so… soft. Possibly the softest thing on her, the only part that wasn't hardened muscle and toned strength. His thumb slipped over a rosy nipple and she made a noise he'd never heard her make before, but one he now would do anything to hear again.
On a whim, he replaced his thumb with his lips, the tip of his tongue probing at the taut flesh, and he was rewarded with a breathy moan and a cant of her hips that rubbed her core against his cock. It was… It was… Maker, she was so slick against him, wet and warm; he moaned against her breast as his hand shot down, wrapping around his cock, thumb somehow brushing against her in a way that had her back arching up against him.
"C-Cullen!"
All he could do was pant against her, rubbing himself along her slit and trying desperately to keep the embarrassing whine from crawling out of his mouth.
"Lux, I think— May I?" He hoped she understood what he was asking for, he didn't think he could bring himself to fully voice it. Though not… Not having her wrapped around him might kill him at this rate. He'd never known anything could be so good.
"Please, Cullen. Maker, please," she gasped out as the head of his cock dipped lower, as she moved in some incalculable way that had him sink the barest bit into her.
Now he did whimper, the heat gripping the head of his cock. He shifted, an infinitesimal push forward, then another, her muscles fluttering tightly around him. The solid, steady grey of her eyes never left his as together they sheathed him fully within her.
"Oh," he murmured, overwhelmed within her.
"Oh," she agreed.
A clench of her muscles had him hissing, hips shifting to chase the pleasure.
"May I?" he asked again, grit out between clenched teeth. A prayer lingered beneath as he realized he might not last very long if she continued to feel so damned incredible.
"Please," she all but begged, rolling her hips against him, shattering his tightly held restraint.
His hips stuttered forward, taking a moment of fumbling thrusting before he managed a rhythm.
He wanted to touch her, to kiss her, to wring more sweet noises from her, but it was taking all of his will to keep up a steady pace while holding his climax at bay through sheer determination. Her brows were furrowed, eyes half open as she clung to him, little gasps punched out of her.
Maker, what if he came too soon? He couldn't leave her unsatisfied. He wouldn't.
His hand slipped between them, half-remembered snippets of overheard conversations flitted through his mind and guiding his fingers down until he was met with her slick folds. He almost lost his nerve as his fingers trailed against her, regardless of the fact that he was currently buried deep withing her, except that the contact pulled a sudden gasp from Lux. Bolstered by her reaction, he played his fingers between her folds, searching for what would drag more of those noises from her.
His fingertip hit on a nub and her response was immediate.
"Cullen!" Lux cried, her eyes snapping open to look at him. He nearly froze until she whined and pleaded, "That! Do that. Again. Please!"
Always one to listen to input, he stroked that magic spot again and again, wringing more and more desperate cries from her. Her cunt clenched around him in tandem, winding the coil within him tighter and tighter.
She tensed, her whole body taut beneath him as her mouth opened in a silent cry. Oh, Maker, she was—he had made her— She was pulsing around his cock and it felt so divine.
Too divine.
Slipping free with a grunt, he fisted at himself as the coil within him snapped. He came with a hoarse groan, splashing hot stripes of spend across her belly.
Giving himself a last squeeze, he offered Lux a soft smile as he caught his breath. Her eyes were glazed as she breathed a contented sigh. He lowered his gaze, then tensed as he was met with the sight of the mess he'd left behind.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to— I remembered at the last minute that I should… It would be inconvenient to get you with child," he spluttered, pushing back to kneel on his haunches.
She hummed in agreement, staring down distractedly at the pool of his seed collecting on her belly. It was barely visible against the paleness of her skin.
"This happens every time?" she asked, head cocked in curiosity. "The books… they make it seem that way, but…" Another flush lit up her face as her words died off.
"It does," he confirmed, cupping her heated cheek in his palm. She accepted the kiss that followed with another hum. "Stay there, I'll get us cleaned up."
She watched as he stood, dipped a cloth in the wash basin by the bed, and cleaned the remnants of their joining from himself.
"There's no blood?" she asked, head tilting further to the side.
"Is there supposed to be?" his brow furrowed in concern as he cleaned his seed from her stomach with gentle swipes. Blood would mean that he hurt her; had she expected to be hurt?
"The Mother Superior always told us there'd be blood. That it was Andraste bleeding for our transgressions," she explained, ever serious even now.
Ah. The Chantry. He remembered those lectures all too well himself.
"They also told us we'd be struck by lightning for doing that, and we both remain unstruck."
"For now," she said gravely, surprising a chuckle from him.
"I would like to think it was worth it, if I do happen to be struck down later. I— It was, um, good, right? For you?"
Lux blinked at him, considering.
"It was good. I want to do it again."
"Not right now, I hope," he huffed with amusement. "I need some time to recuperate. But… in the future…"
"Yes, the future." Her eyes gentled as she continued to meet his gaze. "It is customary to cuddle… after that. Right?"
He wasn't sure if that was the case, but he wanted it all the same. Her cheeks were a captivating pink as Cullen settled onto the bed next to her. She folded into his arms with a contented sigh, and he marveled at the long line of their bodies pressed together; reveled again in the feel of her.
"Cullen?" she murmured against his neck as he pressed a kiss onto the top of her head.
"Hm?"
"I have a few sections of that book… I want to try."
Well.
"I think I can help with that."