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Shen Jiu has never before had a mother. He had grown up a slave, with no family but Qi-ge, who had abandoned him. So to have this—to have Sally Jackson in his life, with all of her love and warmth? It makes something in Shen Jiu’s cold heart crack.
But he's not Shen Jiu anymore, is he? He is Percy here, and he is a child who knows not of the hardships of the world, and Shen Jiu is tired, and he wants to try. He wants to be normal. He wants to live his life free of cultivations, of swords and beastly little disciples and hatred. He has hated for so long.
Maybe he does not need to do so, here.
Maybe he can just…live.
.
Yue Qingyuan has many regrets. Most of them, of course, pertain to Shen Jiu. His Xiao-Jiu, who he abandoned, who he left, who he loved with all his heart and more.
Shen Jiu, who was tortured by his demonic disciple.
Shen Jiu, who Yue Qingyuan failed.
He refuses to fail Thalia and Annabeth the same way.
Somehow it always comes to this for him; street kids, just doing their best to survive. Luke, the oldest, the one who's meant to protect, failing. Shen Jiu, his limbs torn off. Thalia, a tree.
No matter what he does, he always fails.
.
Percy loves his mom.
He hates Gabe, he hates what his mom puts herself through, but he loves her. Possibly more than he's ever loved anyone.
He can't tell her. She loves Gabe, or at least Percy thinks she does, so he can't break her heart like that.
The first time Gabe raises his hand towards Percy, Percy sees red eyes and a glowing seal and flinches.
.
Luke is.
Gods, he's tired. He's so fucking tired.
He misses his mom, he does, he loves her, he just…can’t do it anymore. Not with who his dad is. Not with what his mom did herself.
Luke, for the first time ever, had someone who truly loved him. And she threw herself away, and Luke is so angry because why can't he have this? What did he do that was so wrong? Was it letting Luo Binghe into the sect? Was it abandoning Xiao-Jiu?
Why can't he just be happy?
Thalia and Annabeth are. They're. He loves them. They're like his little sisters. But they're not Shen Jiu, no one could ever replace Shen Jiu, and Luke misses Shen Jiu with an ache that hurts so badly it feels physical.
But then Thalia’s a tree and Luke goes on a quest and he fails and there's a scar on his face, and he starts hearing a voice, and he's angry and grieving and the gods do nothing for their children. And Luke wants them to pay.
.
Percy doesn't hate being a half-blood.
He's annoyed, sure, that he can't just be a kid, but, hey, water powers! He's basically Katara. Maybe he can even bloodbend—he shakes that thought off immediately and tries not to think about a demon's blood inside of him, killing him slowly then knitting him back together so it could start all over again.
But he doesn't hate it.
Swords come to him easily; probably helped by his past life, though the stances are different enough that it is still an adjustment.
But Luke teaches him how to fight, and Percy stares at the scar on the older’s face and thinks of a slave.
.
It's him. It's him, it's Shen Jiu, Xiao-Jiu, and Luke cries so hard he can't breathe.
Because it's him, and it's everything Luke ever wanted, but Percy knows as well as Luke does and he says nothing. He just looks at the scar tainting Luke's face and turns away, like that's that.
Annabeth finds him later and tells him, with an eye roll, that Percy so has a crush on him. Luke doesn't have the heart to tell her why she is so incredibly wrong.
.
The quest is—something. It's definitely something.
It's what happens after that has Percy waking up screaming with memories of hands in his hair and between his thighs.
“Come with me,” Qi-ge had begged, and when Percy had refused, Qi-ge had poisoned him. Qi-ge, who had never before refused Shen Jiu anything, left him, nearly killed him, left him.
Qi-ge left him. Again.
Percy goes to sleep that night and dreams of a man who called himself kind.
.
He tried.
He really did try, but Percy wouldn't listen, didn't understand. He's too young. He hasn't been in this world long enough.
That's what Luke tells himself, how he justifies it to himself, even though he knows nothing could ever justify leaving Xiao-Jiu like that.
.
For years, Shen Jiu had waited for Yue Qi to rescue him.
For years, Percy tries to rescue Luke.
It’s too late.
It’s always been too late.
.
It is an odd sensation, to be shunted in the back of his own body. Odder still for it to have taken that long to finally realize how badly he had messed up.
He always messes up when it comes to Xiao-Jiu.
In their last life, and in the next.
.
Percy swallows down a scream when he sees Luke’s eyes, normally so blue, now completely gold. That’s not Luke, that’s not his Qi-ge. That is who he has to kill.
.
Luke has to die.
He knows it and Percy knows it and he can see Percy fighting against it, but it will always come down to this: Yue Qi will always die for Shen Jiu.
.
Percy hands him the knife and doesn’t look away. He will not look away from his brother’s last moments.
.
“All the unclaimed,” Luke says, choking on his own blood. And then, in a language only he and Percy know, he tells him, “I’m proud of you.”
.
Hermes takes Luke’s body away.
Percy is living in two worlds; one in the present, and one in his mind.
Shen Jiu misses his big brother.