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So Hungry I Could Eat A...

Summary:

After an untold amount of time, V1 has finally slaughtered every soul in Hell. As a reward, Hell opens a portal to a new world...

Notes:

I love being a fan-fiction writer and crackmaxxing

V1 goes by it/its in this story, I probably will write more but no idea when lmao

also i refuse to believe that V1 uses anything other than the Microsoft SAM voice

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Chapter Text

ERROR. ERROR. BLOOD SUPPLIES RUNNING LOW. ERROR. ERROR.

The error flashed on its screen over and over, the closest thing it would ever have to a heart-beat. Mocking its eternal quest, its eternal drive.

ERROR. ERROR. BLOOD SUPPLIES RUNNING LOW. ERROR. ERROR.

It tore the head off of a Stray, the blood splattering across its yellow eye. It would quell the warning, but only for a little.

How long has it been here? It didn’t remember, time has become but a memory at this point. Demons and Husks dying en masse, over and over. Blood soaked into the very walls that made up the arenas it fought in. A Soldier tried charging, only to be met with a shotgun to the torso. It turned into a fine mist, the blood spray blinding the Swordsmachine behind it. A Whiplash point struck the yellow machine, sending the cobalt rocketing towards it while it swung desperately to hit it.

Over and over, this place had sent V1 though these arenas. Every time it grew starved and fell, every time a demon got a lucky shot on it, it would just start over in Limbo. Over and over. But It had made progress every time, and it could feel how close it was.

A hint of blue crossed V1’s vision. A homing orb. In an instant it parried it, sending the orb flying towards a small group of Filth. They exploded, showering the arena in red rain. V1 faced the Mindflayer, and blasted a Screwdriver bolt into it while shooting every projectile it had.

This was an arena like all the others, but it was so close. To what, V1 didn’t know. But it had to be something, had to be the end of this hell.

And this time, it would not fail.

— — — — —

The final Schism left. V1 didn’t bother anything fancy. It had perfected its moves long ago, Hammer Boosts, Nuking, all of it was meaningless. It had its whole arsenal, no matter how much it begged the Terminals. Any new weapon would shed a bit of light in the gloomy hell, a place where the only constant was fighting, death, and blood.

V1 flipped a coin up, punching it and nailing the Schism in the head. It sent the poor Husk off balance, as V1 charged up a Piercer bolt. The electric-blue ray ricocheted off the coin, boring a hole straight through the husk and sending it to the floor. It walked towards the body, picking up an arm and crushing it to refill the last bit of its tanks.

G O O D J O B .

The bright red text seared across V1’s vision, making it crumple.

I D I D N ‘ T T H I N K I T W A S P O S S I B L E .

The machine strained to get up, forcing itself to its knees. Had it done it? Was this its freedom?

Y O U K I L L E D E V E R Y T H I N G . A P E R F E C T S Y M P H O N Y . N O N E A R E L E F T . T H A N K Y O U .

The message left the cobalt machine confused. Thanks? Why was it thanking it? Didn’t it want corpses, more toys to play with?

A S T H A N K S , Y O U M A Y G O .

A shimmering oval appeared on the wall across from V1, a dark red made the outline while the inside shimmered a pale blue. V1 approached it curiously, its head cocking to the side as it approached.

I K N O W N O T W H A T T H I S W O R L D I S . B U T Y O U H A V E E A R N E D F R E E D O M . G O F O R T H .

V1 hesitated for a moment. Deep in its robotic brain, a sense of fear lingered. Could this new world be worse than this one? Was that even possible?! On the contrary, if there really wasn’t anyone left, then V1 would rot in Hell, alone with nothing but its string puller for company.

Nothing could be worse than rotting here, it decided. If this next world has demons too, then at least I will have fuel.

With that, it double checked its blood tanks,

FULL CAPACITY.

And leaped into the portal.

— — — — —

The world came back into focus as V1 fell from the ceiling. In an instant, it flipped itself midair and landed on its feet, a dense Thock! resonating through the floor. It swiveled its head around, expecting some sort of ambush.

There was no one. Cautiously, it stood up and looked around. A… Classroom? Sure enough, it seemed to be in some sort of class. Every chair was empty, all neatly organized facing the blackboard, like someone had just cleaned up. The lights were off, but no dust filled the air, bright light shining in from the windows.

Surely not… How was this still standing? Humanity is gone! Nothing was spared by the Hell takeover, a complete extinction. Yet here it was, a clean and well kept-classroom.

V1 turned its head towards the window and stepped towards it. Looking out, the sun blazed high in the sky. In front of them laid a field, bright green and properly trimmed. It was a few stories up, and in the distance V1 could see a sprawling metropolis. Small shapes moved in and out, but they were too far away to tell if they were demons.

This world… V1 stepped back to consider its options. If Hell was to be believed, then this is a completely different world, a different reality. One where The Long Night never happened, the Hell Takeover, maybe even the Final War! Was that too good to be true? It seemed like a massive leap in logic, the least likely outcome. Well, it's still much better than Hell. Even if these people don’t know me, I can reestablish-

WARNING. BLOOD SUPPLIES AT HALF CAPACITY. WARNING.

V1 jumped back at the message flashing across its vision. It checked its blood tanks, sure enough, they were half full. What? How long did that trip take? One hand scratched its head as it tried to think. The trip had only felt like a couple seconds, maybe a minute at most. How far had it traveled in just that short amount of time? Was it some sort of time dilation phenomenon? The robot felt frustrated, but straightened and scanned its memory of humanity. It would need fuel somehow, and logically, attacking the humans wouldn’t be good.

Blood Banks… Remnants of humanity, before the Final War. A place where they would store blood for others, before blood fueled machinery came along. If this world never had the Final War, maybe blood banks are still around… It was wishful thinking, but the most logical conclusion it could come up with. They would be a gold mine, as long as it could find one.

It double checked its weapons, all good and not damaged. Just in case… It thought before heading outside the classroom.

— — — — —

The hallways stretched out as V1 explored, each a carbon copy of the last. All of them in pristine condition as well, not a speck of dust or anything out of place. It passed by more classrooms, but not one had anything worthwhile. Just a bunch of empty spaces.

Maybe there aren't any humans in this world… Not logical. This place is so well kept, yet nothing is here. It was struck with a flashback, the endless hallways of Hell’s penultimate layer, Fraud. The lack of humans, the perfect, endless hallways, all too familiar to the robot. It tightened its focus, putting the thought behind it as it quickened.

By the time it had made it to the second from the ground floor, V1 had gotten a little desperate. It wanted to see anything different, any reminder that it wasn’t in Hell anymore. It looked too much like Fraud, memories seemingly searing its own circuit boards. It was in this desperation when something different finally happened.

“Man…. What a drag…” V1 instantly perked up at the voice. It scanned around, but didn’t see anyone. Another thing registered, it wasn’t English. Japanese? it thought.

Footsteps clopped through the halls. V1 realized where it was coming from, a turn up ahead. Excitement started brewing inside it, as a figure rounded the corner.

“Why can’t they bring these papers back themselves?” The girl said. She was wearing what looked like a school uniform, ending in a large frilly skirt. The outfit was mostly white, with blue accents and a matching pair of white stockings. Her hair flowed out like a wave, a unique ashy gray colour. A brown hat V1 had never seen before was on her head between some…

What…?! Ears?

“I should have just declined, now I'll-” The girl turned towards V1 and froze. She had been carrying a large pile of papers, which fluttered to the floor. Her large, pink eyes widened.

“Wha-Huh! Who are you?!” The girl shouted, still trying to recover. She really is speaking Japanese, huh. During its time in Hell, V1 had fought enough Earthmovers and salvaged enough code from them to understand the language. Allowed it to find more weak spots in the Titan’s armor, easier means of defeating them. But that wasn’t the main concern.

On her head, on each side of her hat, stood two long, slender, ashy gray ears, the same colour as her hair. V1 cocked its head in curiosity, then noticed the tail swooshing behind her legs. She can’t be human… V1 quickly ran through its database on animals, and came up with a 99% match. Horse?! What world is this! The robot’s brain scrambled as the girl continued.

“Didn’t you hear me?! I-I said what are you?! Why are you here? This is private property, you know!” V1 didn’t respond. “Are you one of Tachyon’s creations? God, that girl needs a real talking to… Stay there, I'm calling Tazuna!”

The girl fumbled with her phone, dropping it several times in the process. Meanwhile, V1’s programming was taking over.

She’s clearly not a human, a horse hybrid or something… That wasn’t good. If V1 had learned anything in Hell, it was that any non-humans were problems. And problems, were dangerous.

The cobalt robot took a step forward, echoing across the hallway. The girl froze, still fumbling with her phone. “W-What are you doing? I-I said-”

“SILENCE.” V1’s voice box kicked into life, the robotic voice emotionless as it read the Japanese translation. It continued forward, drawing one of its favourite weapons in its right hand, the Pump Charge Shotgun.

The girl started shaking in fear. The phone clattered to the floor along with the papers. V1 pumped once, twice, then checked its fuel tanks.

WARNING. BLOOD SUPPLIES AT APPROXIMATELY ¼ CAPACITY. WARNING.

Yeah, it was hungry enough. Hungry for the fresh taste of blood, a drink from something that hasn’t been dead for years. Hungry, and this horse, thing ought to do it.

It pumped a third time. The gauge on the shotgun started flashing red. The girl started swiveling her head, looking for a way out.

V1 stuck its shotgun behind it, and pulled the trigger.