Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

Goro had always wanted a pet, but he knew it’d be impossible to keep one and take care of it by himself, given his busy work schedule. He was glad whenever he himself remembered to eat and drink himself, but he knew that taking care of another living being would be a tall fucking order to manage. Sure, Ryuji would pitch in and help, but how much extra work could he even place on his friend?

Having a roommate, however, would certainly change things. 

Convincing Akira to permanently move in and not feel guilty about wanting to keep a kitten was far easier than Goro assumed it to be. The deal was therefore set; not only would Goro appreciate having a roommate, but even if Akira didn’t cook them dinner every night or didn’t take care of the laundry, so long as he looked after Mona–yeah, the small feline already had a name–Goro would be immensely grateful.

And as soon as Mona was permanently moved into their home, Goro witnessed magic happen.

Day by day, Akira began to bloom like a flower in spring time. Sure, he was still reserved and wary; he was not that outspoken either, but Goro noticed him coming out of his shell a lot more easily as soon as the topic would shift towards Mona, so he might have turned into a cat enthusiast if only to revive that certain sparkle in Akira’s eyes over and over again. 

It was slow progress, but now, as soon as Goro came home, a little feline would greet him with a scratchy meow, and the smile Akira levelled at him outrivalled the warmth of the sun.

It was bliss. Pure bliss; what was once just a means to an end–Goro had never really given much weight to the word home–was starting to transform into something Goro yearned to return to.

And of course, he was well aware that Ryuji was starting to grow impatient now that both Mona and Akira seemed to have settled in, and he was also well aware of the messages blowing up his phone asking whether his boyfriend was finally ready to meet his friends, but Goro chose to ignore all of those things in favor of drowning in bliss a little longer.

Surely his friends would understand he needed this. That he needed to come home and have the little feline jump up his leg, while Akira popped up around the corner to proudly present him the newest book he’d picked up and asked about his thoughts on it, devolving into a thoughtful debate soon after. 

The soft smile that settled on Akira’s face every time Goro kissed Mona on his forehead burned itself into his heart, to the point where Goro wondered whether she should introduce Akira to his friends only when that smile gained certain permanence; yet, even as he thought that, he felt the urge to monopolize it, felt the urge to monopolize all of Akira’s transformation to himself forevermore.

He was well aware he was being selfish. 

But in his defense, how could he stop chasing the comfort and warmth when work was as shitty and arduous as it was? Looking back, Goro had no clue how he’d survived life before Mona and Akira had stepped into his life. Sure, Ryuji was a great friend and an even greater source of comfort to be around with, but there was just something special about the way Goro was greeted by his newest roommate and their pet. 

Especially on shitty days where nothing worked out, where all the information of his cases led to dead ends and unsolved mysteries, and the weather couldn’t decide whether it wanted to stay sunny or rainy.

Days like today.

“Welcome back,” Akira called out of the kitchen, nearly startling Goro as he closed the door shut behind him. This was the first time Akira had remotely raised his voice, and it made something ache inside Goro’s chest. Mona was napping on his cat tree in the corner, lazily purring when Goro patted his head as he passed by.

“Hey.” To say Goro felt awful would be an understatement; but there was a certain type of magic in the sight of Akira standing by the stove, stirring something that smelled incredibly delicious, to the point where Goro instantly felt his energy recover.

If only he could wrap his arms around Akira and rest his head on his shoulder. That would make everything even more perfect. 

As soon as the idea crossed his mind, Goro instantly banished it away. It was simply too dangerous a thought to pursue, but Goro had to admit the nature of this idea would resurface often. It wasn’t as if Ryuji wasn’t a hugger, as if he didn’t give Goro some sort of skinship whenever he asked for it. He was never that comfortable asking other friends to follow Ryuji’s example, though, and for some reason, Akira was an entire Pandora’s box in itself to him, so perhaps wanting to hug him or be hugged by him wasn’t that strange a thought to harbor? 

Times like this, Goro really wondered why he ever bothered to lie to his friends about Akira, because he could really use some advice right now. Be it in the form of Ann telling him not to dive head-first into a sticky situation.

Goro sighed.

“Smells delicious,” he murmured instead of letting his thoughts spiral further, or worse–verbally admitting to Akira that the only thing keeping him going today was the thought of coming home. He stepped into the kitchen, keeping a polite distance from Akira, but bumping their shoulders together as a sign of goodwill–a ritual Akira had introduced first, making Goro follow it religiously without comment. “This looks so good, but let me ask–how were things at work today on your side?”

He asked as if he didn’t know what type of surprise had awaited Akira. Perhaps it was the selfish desire of needing to see that sunny smile bloom across Akira’s face, knowing he was the reason it was there, knowing it was his effort that made magic happen.

Perhaps he was even imagining Akira wrapping his arms around him in gratitude as that smile descended on his own–

“So someone apparently talked to my boss–” Akira said, bumping his shoulder back before turning back towards the stove, interrupting Goro’s highly illegal train of thought, “–and that certain someone made it possible that service pets are allowed at work so long as they don’t mess with the hygiene. And, well, Mona isn’t trained, but my boss took one look at his picture and said he qualifies, so…”

Goro’s heart began to thump erratically in his chest as Akira tossed him a cheeky grin, the likes he’d never seen before. Shit. This man might prove to be the death of him.

“Thank you. I know you probably had a hand in this, and I would have never asked this of you, but the idea of having Mona around makes everything feel…a lot more bearable.”

Kind of how I feel whenever I think of you, Goro thought to himself, waving Akira off with a nonchalance he didn’t feel. His cheeks felt warm, and a certain happiness radiated inside his chest as he opened his mouth to deny any involvement when a strange warmth engulfed his hand, catching him completely off-guard.

Mouth dry, Goro glanced down to where Akira was holding his hand, he was holding his hand; was he really–holding his hand? Not that this was a reason to freak out; they’d tried introducing and testing out certain types of skinship, but it usually wasn’t Akira who initiated any touches.

Let alone–mind you–squeeze his hand in gratitude as he bumped Goro’s shoulder again, when there was an unspoken rule to only do so once a day, but before Goro could freak out about that, he felt the rough pad of a thumb caress one of his fingers and his brain all but short-circuited.

“You know, I’m really…starting to let myself hope again. And I don’t know whether you realize how much that means to me, so…uh, Akechi? Thanks. Really.”

A beeping sound, as well as the loss of warmth cradling his hand slapped Goro back into reality, making him realize Akira was letting out a string of curses as he tried to turn off the stove and save what he could. 

Looks like he hadn’t been the only one whose brain had shut down.

Feeling a strange sort of satisfaction, Goro tossed out a jabbing comment that made Akira grimace before falling into laughter. They set the table soon enough, alerting Mona again, who came and silently begged for food in exchange for pets, and the atmosphere felt as easy as ever as they had their food before settling down on the couch.

When, once again, something about their usual routine was severely disrupted.

Unlike all the other days where Akira and Mona curled up on the far end of the couch, Goro suddenly felt the soft bump of a shoulder and a thigh against his own, and he swallowed dryly as he met Akira’s gaze, whose gaze darted back and forth nervously as he whispered,

“Is this, er…okay?”

More than okay, Goro wanted to say, but only nodded weakly, nearly lost his consciousness before Mona jumped onto his lap, stretched, and then settled down on both their laps, because that was how close they were seated. Due to his small size, Mona’s head barely touched Akira’s thigh, but the sight was enough to make Goro’s heart stop.

Again, their gazes met, and to Goro’s surprise, Akira’s smile morphed into a grin as he turned the TV on, Goro barely paying attention to the movie as he aggressively patted Mona to calm his racing heartbeat. 

Soon, the world began to fade around him as Akira’s body warmth merged with his own, making him question whether he could casually yawn and rest one of his arms on the back of the couch, coincidentally on the side Akira was seated at. He didn’t, of course; but the thought was becoming increasingly harder and harder to fight off as Akira began to relax further and further, melting not only into the couch, but also…against Goro’s side.

And as Goro fell asleep that night, having fought off a bunch of aneurysms, remembering Akira’s words, he finally knew what had been itching him all day, what he’d wanted to say before Akira had robbed him of a chance to ask–

Do you feel safe here yet?

He supposed he could ask another day.

***

It had been yet another headache inducing day when Goro made the fatal mistake of sending Ryuji home ahead of him, head stuffed to the brim with information about cases, interviews, tidbits from eyewitnesses that were more or less useless. He was frustrated, annoyed, stressed; so much so that he didn’t even notice Ryuji’s surprised expression when Goro asked him to order them take-out and possibly draw a bath before he came home. Goro had been forced to attend a meeting with the higher-ups, the type where he’d have an assigned driver take him home after; it was usually on these days that he dismissed Ryuji’s services as a bodyguard and instead requested his presence of a friend, so he really didn’t know what the big deal was.

Until he sat down in the car and realized he’d gotten the dates confused. 

Fuck, he cursed himself internally as he took out his phone, typing out a text for Akira at rapid fire speed–not that it would do much good, seeing how he’d sent Ryuji ahead hours ago. Fuck, he panicked as he saw two new messages in his chat with Akira that he’d completely missed, as he realized Akira proved to be a severe distraction at work and it’d be better to mute him until Goro was on his way back home.

Fuck! Goro yelled internally, reading Akira’s wait, you didn’t tell me wed be hanging out with ryuji today haha, followed by did something happen? do you need me out of the house? and wondered whether it wouldn’t be justified to fucking kill himself on the spot.

But of course he didn’t. Instead, Goro all but jumped out of the car before falling into his fastest sprint yet as he nearly thrashed down his door in an attempt to open it; flinging it open loudly enough to startle an offended meow out of Mona, who he nearly ran over as he ran into the living room with his shoes on.

“Dude, take a chill pill,” Ryuji semi-yelled at him from where he was seated on the couch, making something squirm in his chest because this was their couch, the couch he and Akira would lounge on, and fuck, fuck, where was–

“Hey.”

Goro nearly dropped down to his knees when that voice filtered into his ears, and he couldn’t whirl around fast enough as he met Akira’s concerned gaze. Never had he been gladder to see him; never had he taken in Akira’s presence as eagerly as he did now, scanning him from head to toe before realizing he had no idea what to fucking say, making him clear his throat awkwardly before one of Akira’s smiles caught him completely off-guard.

“It…really was that bad of a day, huh?”

Ryuji chuckled as something hit the back of Goro’s neck, making him whirl around again. He was at a complete loss. Sure, he was relieved Akira hadn’t fled the house even though Ryuji’s presence must have startled him, that they had likely talked, that perhaps, Ryuji now knew Akira wasn’t his boyfriend but just some stranger, a stranger that had grown incredibly important to Goro, someone he was likely going to lose now because who the hell claimed he was dating a stranger and let him live at his house scot-free, 

and suddenly, it felt like the world came crashing down on him, and he buried his face in his hands in hopes of muffling the scream that tore itself out of his throat. 

An apology lied on his lips; but the will to appear strong and perfect in front of Akira paralyzed him, making him wonder whether he could say something that would save the situation, that would make it look like he’d planned this in advance. 

Of course Akira had gotten to know Ryuji over the past few weeks, seeing how he hung around Goro basically all the time. It had been Ryuji who was stuck cat-sitting before Goro managed to strike that deal at Akira’s work place; so it wasn’t as though they were strangers to one another.

But Goro had never allowed either of them to properly talk to each other, fearing it would be too much, too soon on Akira, and that Ryuji would sense something was off, because his keen intuition was one of the things Goro appreciated a lot about him. Something that had helped him turn the tides in some of his investigations; but could also prove to be fatal when he was desperately trying to hide the fact he’d been housing a semi-stranger for weeks now.

“I’m–sorry,” Goro pressed out behind gritted teeth, still hiding his face, having closed his eyes because after the day he had, he couldn’t face this; explain his actions and lies without making Akira think he’d had uncouth intentions from the very start, and without angering his friend who he'd been lying to for weeks now. “I should’ve texted–I should’ve told you–I wasn’t–”

For a moment, the world sunk into pitch-black darkness; the fear of losing something incredibly precious holding his heart in a choke-hold. Both Akira and Ryuji; the inevitable consequences of his own actions catching up to him.

Then, something pressed down on his shoulders; a type of pressure he couldn’t ignore, that made him emerge from his hide-out because stop touching me, you know I don’t like that–

And suddenly, he was engulfed in a bear hug that choked all the air out of his lungs, that felt akin to having cold water dumped over his head, and he felt like a shred of himself again.

“Hey, idiot,” Ryuji half-chuckled, half-groaned into his ear, “Stop panicking. Dunno what the fuck got your panties all twisted, but you’re okay. We’re okay. Everything’s okay.”

Goro swore his heart stopped for a moment. Oh, god, now he looked pathetic in front of both of them; now Akira knew he had bad days, days where he would fall apart as easily as this, and, worse, had likely only stayed to say goodbye in person, because who the fuck would lie about them dating and for what reason–

“Goro. Take a deep fucking breath.”

Goro didn’t. Goro couldn’t. Someone gently plucked his hands off his face, and he felt too weak to resist, and suddenly his face was smothered in warmth all over again as he was pressed gently against Ryuji’s shoulder.

“You know, I used to be so good at reading you, but I have no idea what’s got you so rattled,” Ryuji hummed, and fuck, was Akira there, was he witnessing this? Goro didn’t want him here for this, but he couldn’t tell him to leave either, and like, what the fuck was he supposed to do now? 

“Might have to do with the fact that you exclusively hung out with your boyfriend for so long, and forgot all about me. Was really sad, actually. But it looks like you still need your teddy bear, hm? Aw, what, is this your Ryuji-deficiency catching up to you? I wanna tease you and say you deserve it, but you look so pathetic that I feel bad.”

Goro’s heart once again did a full stop before someone slapped him so hard on his back, he was all but forced to take a heaving breath.

“Akira drew you a bath,” Ryuji announced, and Goro once again didn’t know what to fucking say because shit, was the jig not up yet? But how? Ryuji was such a curious bastard, there was no way he didn’t confront Akira immediately upon being left alone with him, especially when it seemed like Goro had permitted it. 

“Alright, idiot, time to snap out of it. Really. Or else I’ll tell Akira all about the secret stash of baby pictures we have of you, especially the naked ones. You’d never recover from that, right?”

“What the fuck,” Goro hissed out, gaze snapping up at Ryuji, another snarl releasing past his lips before he all but sagged in Ryuji’s hold, repeating a much weaker, “What the fuck,” before his body functions allowed him to take yet another breath, feeling utterly pathetic, wondering if Akira was disillusioned yet. “I’m…I’m sorry.”

“Sorry for what?” Ryuji wondered, squeezing his shoulders real tight before all but lifting him off the ground, earning himself more grunts of protest by Goro. He felt his shoes coming off, but didn’t dare look; hoped he could hide all this from Akira, who likely thought he had lost his mind. “Sorry for neglecting me and pouring all your energy into your boyfriend, trying to be fucking perfect to the point where you ruin yourself? Yeah, nah, don’t be sorry about that. Honestly, I expected this. Eventually. You held up longer than I gave you credit for, babygirl.”

"Don't call me that," Goro groaned, feeling utterly humiliated. Ryuji loved calling him names when he was upset, because that was one way to snap him out of his spiraling; the urge to defend himself and bicker was stronger than moping around in sadness. His feet soon touched the ground, and he struggled to find his balance. "Akira didn't know. That you were coming, I mean, and...I'd actually forgotten, to like. Text."

“Yeah, we clocked that quite quickly,” Ryuji hummed, making Goro’s worst fears resurface, “And I don’t know what to tell you, man, except that he insisted on making you food and drawing the bath himself. Which, uh, coincidentally also led to me just chilling on the couch, and like, not being able to talk to him much at all, because he obviously needed extra focus. Considering how much you obsess over having control whenever shit hits the fan, though, I guess you’re happy we didn’t get to hang out and bond over you. Though I did warn him you might be a little…intense today.”

Goro wanted to die.

“He–didn’t admit to knowing you have this odd tendency of wanting things to be perfect when they’re all but, but er, he’s…smart. I think. He’s likely realized that on his own.”

Ryuji squeezed his shoulders again. “And by the way, he left the room as soon as you started having your meltdown, but…I think he did it because he knows you don’t want to be seen at your worst.” 

That did little to calm Goro, but it’d be a lie if he said he wasn’t glad Akira wasn’t here anymore. It took a few more minutes, a bit more of gentle coaxing and teasing on Ryuji’s side, and a few more intense bear hugs before Goro managed to breathe without being reminded to. Unease still reigned in his chest as he left Ryuji’s side, who slapped his shoulder in good manners a few more times before telling him to get a move on before the water grew cold.

As he sank into the warm bathwater, nearly submerging himself, he wondered what Akira was thinking. He had wanted to take his phone with him and text him, but Ryuji had clocked that real fast and instantly forbidden him from doing so. 

“You guys are going to be just fine, promise,” he’d claimed, and Goro had believed him, had wanted to believe him, but wondered now whether trusting Ryuji's words had been a mistake. His bath time was much shorter than usual, and he slipped into his pajamas as soon as he entered his room before remembering that he likely should talk to Akira before the day was over and apologize for his behavior.

But fuck, he was scared. He didn’t look like his best anymore–he’d removed his make-up earlier before taking a bath, of course–and he hadn’t acted like his best either. And there was still the whole question of what Akira thought about Ryuji calling him his boyfriend, because that, at least, must have somehow slipped out one way or another, and fuck, fuck, Goro may be an ace detective but sometimes, even he felt like the greatest idiot of all time.

As he was still mulling over what to do, something knocked against his door. Believing it to be Mona, Goro was about to call out and tell him to stop when a different voice altogether reverberated through the door.

“Akechi?”

Once again, Goro felt panic override his systems, and he scrambled towards the door.

“I’m sorry. I feel like…I feel like I shouldn’t have been here, that you’d likely have been more comfortable, but I…I didn’t know where else to go.” 

Goro stopped dead in his tracks. 

“I realize what I’m doing right now is intruding too–like, knocking on your door and…talking to you when it’s clear you, er, need rest. I think. Actually, I don’t think I know much about you except your newfound love for cats and some food preferences anyway. Because, hm. You’re always trying so hard to be good for me that I…that I never questioned whether I was being a burden on you.”

No, no, no. This was all wrong. Akira wasn’t a burden, Akira was fine just being the way he was, and Goro was happy providing him a place where he felt comfortable, safe, possibly even…at home.

As Goro’s hand closed around the door handle, he realized he couldn’t open it. Something–or someone–was blocking it from the other side, so he quickly let go as he wondered what to say.

“So.” Akira cleared his throat, and a dull thud indicated he must have sat down. “I realize this is….horrible timing, and Ryuji will hate me for this, hate me for…ruining whatever he did to like, cheer you up, and honestly I’d much rather use my phone or write down notes again instead of talking like this, but I feel like I owe you at least that much effort, and, like–”

“You don’t owe me anything,” Goro croaked out as he resisted the urge to scream, to tell Akira to just leave it, that things were fine, that really–he was just tired and needed a good night's sleep, but who knew how the other would take it? Perhaps he’d feel hurt. Perhaps he’d cry. Perhaps he was already crying, and Goro was the one at fault.

“I knew you’d say that,” Akira chuckled, and Goro wanted to break down the door this instant, but the urge to respect Akira’s choice was greater. “And I know we’ve been over this…so many times, me starting to change is long overdue, but like…honestly? Sometimes this whole thing...still feels so unreal. That I could be...accepted somewhere without any kind of conditions."

Akira swallowed loudly enough to be heard through the door, and Goro's heart broke.

"Part of me expected I'd have to pay you back in some way eventually. So...In a way, I was so glad Ryuji showed up today, because it almost felt like…you were silently requesting something of me. Like, telling me to go out in the world and…talk to people. Or, well. Become friends with someone dear to you. Possibly in exchange for all the good that has happened so far.” 

Akira’s voice was trembling. Goro felt the urge to tell him to stop talking, stop straining himself, but also, if he needed to get something off his chest, then who was Goro to stop him?

“But the first thing Ryuji said was that you likely forgot I wasn’t working today, and that you were having a horrid day. Which…aw, man, fuck, I’m really sorry about that.”

Goro heard the shuffle of footsteps behind the door, and waited patiently as the minutes passed by before Akira’s voice emerged again.

“Still, this whole situation...I didn’t really know what to make of it. Because I...I didn't really want to leave, and I did wonder whether you would  detest it if I was here while you, er, needed your private space? But also, I didn't want to intrude, and...honestly, it kind of felt like I did."

"No, Akira, listen–"

“But also," Akira interrupted him, which had never happened before, and made Goro blink in surprise, "I wanted...or, well, still want to get to know your best friend. And I wanted to know what he does to support you on your bad days, but you've technically...never said you wanted me around for those. Or, well–told me I could...get to know your friends. But since you always insist on letting me do whatever the hell I want...I had this selfish urge to actually use that privilege for once and...be both a crutch for you and get to know your friend."

Goro heard another dull thump, mind spinning with all this new information.

“It felt like I did more bad than good, though. And...when Ryuji told me about your favorite food and that you needed a hot bath every time you came home on these kinds of days, I just–pretended like I knew, while I didn’t actually know jackshit. Also, err, you can tell me any time you need a bit of privacy, I promise I would never hold it against you, but also–maybe...maybe I want to be the same kind of person you can turn to when the going gets bad. So I figured...it was high time to try and start. But I feel like that has backfired."

Goro heard more shuffling, more dull thumps, and all of a sudden, the door flew open. He was not prepared for this; nor for the sight of a tousled Akira standing in his kitchen apron, looking extremely sheepish.

“Essentially, I was just...trying to offer you a hug?"

For a moment, Goro’s mind went blank. He realized he’d stayed quiet for too long when Akira’s cheeks reddened, and he stepped back as though he’d been slapped.

“I’m sorry,” Akira pressed out, conjuring a shaky smile that all but promised tears later, because Goro knew him well enough by now, “I just–I figured–you were always so nice to me, and I could–give you something back, but like–of course I don’t qualify, but also–wow, I’m fucking butchering this. I’m sorry. I just–ignore this, all of this, please forget I ever said anything, okay?”

Goro had no idea where Akira darted off to, but he simply hoped and prayed that he didn’t leave the house. But even if he had–who was Goro to stop him? It wasn’t like he had the right to tell him what to do, and really, this whole mess had only happened because he’d gotten Akira’s shifts messed up, so this was all on him. If he hadn't gotten the dates mixed up, Akira wouldn't be in a room crying because Goro was stressed; and Goro wouldn't be feeling like a complete failure because he kept messing up left and right, and somehow, instead of preventing more fatal mistakes, instead of comforting Akira and telling him he had done amazing with both the food and the bath and that he was free to get to know Ryuji, that Goro just needed to let him in on one tiny little white lie and that his friends could be a bit intense and he was just trying to shield him from them and that really, Akira was doing great, and he wouldn't mind a hug, actually, he would really appreciate it–

It was much, much later when he realized he’d been engulfed in a hug and reminded to breathe as panic threatened to overwhelm him; that this warmth, this scent was incredibly familiar, lulling him into a sense of security as he was forced to take deep, deep breaths, find his footing, and hey, hey, let it all out ace detective, you'll feel much better when you do.

Fucking hell. Sometimes Goro wondered why Ryuji was so good at everything; whether it was handling him, dealing with threats, helping him out, or just...existing in general.

But no matter the reason, Goro was incredibly grateful he existed, and that they had been friends for longer than Goro had bothered to count.

“Trouble in paradise?” Ryuji asked gently, once he was done crying out his frustration.

"No fucking shit."

"Don't worry," Ryuji chuckled, "It ain't nothing loverboy can't fix. Oh, eugh, don't look at me like that, I meant you, you idiot..."

***

Goro had never felt embarrassed about having Ryuji comfort him. But the idea that Akira now knew he could only snap out of his worst moods by being coddled and pampered made him feel oddly self-conscious. So despite Ryuji’s best efforts, he never did end up feeling as calm as Ryuji had hoped he would.

They went downstairs a while later, and Goro realized with a startle that Akira was nowhere to be seen. Just as he was about to curse himself, Ryuji laid a hand on his shoulder, squeezing it gently to remind him to stay calm.

“Akira was the one who came down earlier to tell me you needed me,” he murmured, voice kept low as though he didn’t want anyone else to overhear. “He also told me to tell you to take all the time we needed, that he simply hoped you’d have something to eat after.” Ryuji squeezed his shoulder again. “I think he’s trying to convey that you don’t need to feel embarrassed about needing your own space once in a while. But you likely know better, being his boyfriend and all.”

Goro didn’t know shit better, but he couldn’t tell Ryuji that. It was both a curse and a blessing that for some reason, Akira didn’t seem too rattled about being called Goro’s boyfriend, was–possibly?–even playing along. But this also meant the lie was being upheld, and Goro couldn’t be honest with his closest friend and ask for advice. Which was hell in its own way.

It was only after Ryuji assured him that Akira had already eaten that Goro sat down and had dinner with Ryuji. Unease and anxiety continued to buzz inside of him, though, and once they were done, Ryuji tossed him a wry smile as they finished cleaning up the table.

“You need to lighten up, buddy. I think your boyfriend's pretty chill with all this. If he wasn't, he wouldn't be right for you anyway." Ryuji shrugged. Urgh, if only he knew–"Also, I know you likely want me to buzz off now, so just let me warn you not to overdo it, okay? Loverboy upstairs can wait for a day or two for your apology. Or explanation. Whatever shit you two need to sort out, I mean." His friend sighed when confronted with a glare. "I’m going to go and put some pain killers by your nightstand just in case your migraines become an issue. And the usual bottle of water, as well as the small puke bucket. Fingers crossed you won't need it, of course, but yeah. Better safe than sorry. And...next time, consider letting your boyfriend do this for you, okay?”

Ryuji playfully butted their heads together.

“I’m gonna piss off once I'm done with that, and next time you invite me to your place, make sure to properly introduce me to your boyfriend, alright?”

As Goro considered what to say, Ryuji had already darted off, coming down a few moments later. He nudged him, then ruffled his hair before asking whether Goro had dealt with a bad case today, which–no, no, he hadn't, the higher-ups were just annoying as fuck, and sometimes...sometimes things just felt like they were too much was all.

Ryuji tossed him a wry smile, squeezed his shoulder one last time, and only then bid his goodbye; reminding Goro to use his phone and call him if he needed it, because it was the first time Ryuji hadn't spend the night over during one of Goro's bad days. 

Most likely in consideration of a certain someone still hiding upstairs.

Well, Goro had better get to it, then.

***

Goro didn’t have the courage to knock on Akira’s door immediately. Instead, he kept pacing around in his room, phone in hand, mulling over whether to text Akira. It might lead to him being a bit more stressed as he kept up appearance and reassured Akira over and over that he wasn't intruding, but it wasn’t as though Goro could go to sleep without clearing the air at least a little bit.

Mostly, he wanted to apologize. Both for sending Ryuji ahead without notice, but also about his odd behavior in general. He hoped that Akira wouldn't think he had bad days often. In fact, it’d be best if he didn’t think Goro had bad days at all, because who knew how much that would scare him?

And just as he deleted the millionth draft in an attempt to write it all over again, his phone buzzed, and a text message came in.

Akira (00:30am): sekrjhksdjfhkjsdhf

Akira (00:35am): with best regards from Mona

That actually drew a chuckle out of Goro, and perhaps managed to loosen the knot in his chest a little. He sat down on his bed, deciding there would be no better chance than this to text Akira, and was surprised when another text came in.

Akira (00:36 am): i hope youre asleep and not reading this actually. you need the rest and instead of easing your stress, i fear i acted like an idiot today and made things worse

Me (00:38am): I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m sorry I never warned you about Ryuji, and I’m sorry you had to see me in this state. It doesn’t happen often, but whenever I’m forced to go out with the higher ups, and have to drink and endure their partying when there’s cases left unsolved and witnesses to pursue, my fuse just…blows.

Me (00:39am): But whatever the case, you know I appreciate having you around. It's just that I can be hard to handle when shit hits the fan, and only very few people know how to handle me at my worst. That is not to say you can't, I just don't want anything to dampen the mood at home. 

Goro briefly wondered whether that last message sounded more like an insult, so he hoped Akira hadn't read the message yet as he deleted it.

Me (00:41am): Point is, I should've told you I have bad days, but it was my selfish desire to look perfect in front of you that kept me from doing so. And for that, I apologize. As well as this whole incident altogether. It'd be best if you just...forgot about today, if you could do that for me.

Akira (00:42am): sdkfhsdjkfhsd

Akira (00:45am): sry mnona back at it again

Akira (00:47am): he said hell behave any moment now gimme a sec

Goro smiled to himself, believing he'd gotten his point across just fine. They could likely put this behind them, stop talking about it altogether, and go back to their usual routine come morning.

Akira (00:55am): so im a bit of a coward for doing ths over txt and i hate myself a little for it

Akira (00:57am): but the thing is, i dont want to forget anything that happened today

Akira (01:05am): i mean, you always reiterate how you want me to trust you and that i can do what i want yeah? and im grateful for that. incredibly so. its just that i harbor this selfish desire to know all about you and know all your sides, and maybe its also because that way, i can actually start believing this is all real and wont just end one day.

Goro's heart ached knowing Akira was still stuck thinking in old patterns, still unable to accept something good at face value. He hated whoever had made that deep distrust become a permanent fixture inside of Akira's heart, but at the same time, he was starting to realize why exactly Akira had wanted to stick around today.

Akira (01:07am): im aware you only show me your best sides. i appreciate it, i really do, but also, being allowed to see you at your worst will help me start thinking this whole thing isnt just a prolonged dream of mine. or worse, that im dead and this isnt even reality

Goro’s heart thumped violently in his chest, and as he attempted to draft a new message, a new one came flying in.

Akira (01:09am): this whole time, all i wanted to do was ask if you were doing okay even though i knew you werent. im not as suave as you are so this was the only way for me to ask what i could do for you. and sure, i also fear being a burden, especially when i overheard ryuji say he missed hanging out with you

 Akira (01:10am): oh but dont u dare blame him! i dont think he knew i could still hear him when he said that, because he didnt even hint at it once when we are alone, and he was trying to be mindful of me in general when we were stuck together. all im saying is that you will tire of me if caring for me comes at the expense of your own comfort or neglecting your private life. besides, i hate the idea so fucking much.

Fear settled deep in Goro’s stomach, and his fingers felt like lead as he tried composing another message. But once again, Akira was faster.

Akira (01:15am): i guess what im trying to say is that if you want me to trust you, then you should start trusting me too. like telling me you have a bad day, because so far, you never even claimed there was such a thing as a bad day. or telling me that maybe you want to spend time alone with your friend, because thats what you need right now. i know today was just a simple mistake, but perhaps it was a blessing in disguise

And it was at this moment that Goro paused.

Akira (01:25am): i believe you when you say youre not acting or forcing yourself to be with me even though its hard to believe. but you cant always be cheerful and happy around me, even if were both doing everything right. sometimes there are good days and sometimes there are bad days, and today has made me realize i want to try sticking around for all of them, and perhaps by then, ill start believing that this isnt just a wonderful dream

Akira (01:37am): and fucking shit, now it sounds like im making this all about myself again. but also its almost 2am and i dont know whether im even making much sense. what im trying to say is next time you have a bad time and you realize so, and you know maybe your fix is hanging out with your bff, you should feel safe enough to tell me. because only then can i feel safe around you too, yeah?

Akira (01:40am): because whats really terrifying is realizing you trust someone even though youve not known them long enough to have solid proof, and dont know anyone around them either

Goro took a few more deep breaths as he reread Akira’s messages over and over again, slowly making sense of them. He made his choice and got up from his bed, crossing the hallway until he was standing in front of Akira’s door, and knocked softly.

“Akira. I don’t think your behavior today stemmed solely from the fact that you were trying to get a feel for me. I don’t believe that.” Goro let out a scoff. “I think…you just felt safe enough to stick around even though it was clear I hadn’t necessarily thought you were at home today, and then tried comforting me in your own way because you wanted to do something good for me. That’s the type of truth I want to believe in. Call me a good-hearted fool, but I don’t think you’re all that calculating. And…I appreciate it.” Goro swallowed heavily. “I really do.”

Silence. 

Goro gently rested his forehead against the doorframe, arms crossed as he closed his eyes. “The simple truth is, I didn’t want you to see me like this. Not because I felt uncomfortable–alright, fine, maybe that was part of it. But…because I don’t want you to associate anything bad with me. That’s my selfish desire. I just…err. My god, the hour is making me a bit sentimental, but, haha, I suppose…I just want you to feel safe…and happy around me.”

Fuck, this was embarassing. 

“And hey, if the offer still stands…sure, I’ll take that hug. If you’re still offering.”

He heard the shuffle of footsteps; an offended Mona meowing loudly in complaint, and then felt the door give.

Even in the dim light, he could see the tinge of red in Akira’s eyes; his cheeks, the tip of his nose. He barely held himself back from asking if he’d been crying, and if so, whether it was Goro’s fault, and what he could do to make up for it when Akira opened his mouth, and stated in a most trembling voice,

“I’m really…not that good of a person.”

Goro scoffed. “Right, because a bad person would rescue a baby kitten out of a trashcan and ask to take it home. And then keep it around all the time. Of course.” He rolled his eyes, and to his surprise, a soft smile settled on Akira’s face.

“You don’t know me,” Akira murmured, his fingers brushing against Goro’s, making his breath hitch, “Honestly, I might believe you’re not acting, but who’s to say I’m not putting up a huge act, either?”

“I have a nose for those things,” Goro claimed, trying not to lose his fucking mind as Akira playfully caressed his fingers.

“Really.” Akira properly grasped hold of his hand when it became obvious Goro wasn’t rejecting him. “You know, I keep wondering, this whole time, why you’re so obsessed with showing off your best sides. You keep dodging that question.”

“Have I?” Goro hummed, trying not to stare at their intertwined hands, instead focusing on the mere sensation. “Well, they do say life is boring without a little mystery.”

“That just ends up in people having trust issues.”

Goro laughed, and squeezed Akira’s hand, agreeing whole-heartedly. He expected Akira to pursue the question anyway, and was once again taken aback when Akira offered him a soft smile instead, then slowly moved forward until their foreheads touched.

Goro didn’t dare breathe.

“Alright, I admit,” Akira mumbled, “I may have stalked you guys a little, and taken note of how Ryuji comforted you. I don’t have enough meat on me to lift you up and spin you around, let alone crush you in a bear hug, but…I can imitate him a little.” A nervous chuckle slipped past Akira’s lips, and Goro felt his heart seize in his chest. “But maybe I’m also a bit of a competitor and want to trump him. Maybe. Possibly.”

“Why?”

Akira’s smile grew, and it was at this point that Goro started wondering whether he hadn’t invited someone incredibly lethal into his home.

“What's life without a little bit of mystery, Akechi?"

"Smartass." Goro laughed wholeheartedly before he paused, mustering Akira from head to toe. “You promised me a hug,” he reminded Akira, whose free arm was awkwardly hovering around his waist, as though waiting for permission; and as if Goro had said the magic words, his arm closed in around him, drawing him closer.

Their noses brushed against each other, and it occurred to Goro that Akira had incredible potential to be a ladykiller. There was something so natural about the way he guided Goro’s body against his, or perhaps, he was simply a fast learner; but then, none of Ryuji’s hugs had ever felt…so intimate, as though baring part of his soul.

Maybe this was a mistake. A mistake that could lead his heart into cardiac arrest.

But, Goro realized, closing his eyes, he really didn’t mind.

“Do you enjoy…being touched, as like, a sign of comfort?” Akira whispered, and Goro hummed as he felt his hair being stroked. Akira must have watched them for quite some time, the little devil.

“Unless it’s someone I know well, I don’t enjoy being touched at all,” Goro mumbled, and took note of how Akira froze up. “But you’ve never quite fit into my rulebook so far, so why do you believe that would have changed by now?”

“Your what now?”

Goro laughed as he let his own arms circle around Akira’s waist. “Can I?” he whispered, and only hugged Akira back when he felt him nod, at which point he let his head rest on Akira’s shoulder. “My rulebook. I don’t let strangers into the house, but I’m also not mean to anyone. I don’t engage with people that could potentially lead to more trouble or stress, because god knows my life is bad enough.” His eyelids fluttered as he switched up position, melting a bit further into Akira’s embrace, noting how Akira was starting to relax as well. “Also, I don’t collect trash. And yet, from day one, I was mean to you, and I ended up requesting more and more of your riddles, even though I shouldn’t even engage with the public. Most of my friends, I knew before I became famous. And too often have I trusted someone with incredibly nefarious intentions, and paid the price much later.”

Akira’s grip on him tightened just a little bit. “So I’m trash? Is that what you’re saying?”

Goro laughed. He felt strangely abuzz, like he’d downed three shots in a row. Ryuji’s hugs had never felt this electric, this…precious, like both of them were giving something up in exchange for something greater. 

“No, I’m saying that I’ve grown incredibly attached to the cups, and I can’t bear the idea of throwing any of them away. But if we’re being honest, they might start getting moldy pretty soon.”

“We could just cut out the part where the riddles have been scribbled on,” Akira suggested, and Goro laughed as he was gently being rocked, as though Akira was hoping to put him to sleep. There was absolutely no way Goro would fall asleep like this; not when it felt like he was standing in the middle of the storm, surrounded on all sides by nothing but crashing waves, but had finally won back control of the steering wheel. The ship was in precarious waters, and yet, Goro had never felt more alive.

“Do you not remember that some of them took up the majority of the space?” Goro chuckled, and straightened up to look into Akira’s eyes. This proved to be a fatal mistake; because the tinge of red in the corner of Akira’s dust-black eyes made him feel even dizzier than before.

Despite being stuck in the eye of the storm, despite not knowing where this path would end, this felt strangely right.

“That’s because someone was a buzzkill, and I was getting incredibly annoyed by him. I figured he’d just give up if I gave him an impossible riddle to solve, that he’d likely stop stalking me.”

“What, so now I’m stalking you?

Akira huffed out a laugh, the corner of his mouth tilting up. “Actually, yeah! Now that I think about it, that is exactly what you’d call your behaviour. So this makes this fair game. Me…spying on you and Ryuji, I mean.” Akira pursed his lips, and an incredibly inappropriate idea crossed Goro’s mind, one he didn’t even dare think. “This evens the playing field.”

This evens nothing.

“Also…” Akira hesitated, so Goro allowed himself to squeeze his waist just the slightest bit, and noted how that made the raven jolt in surprise. But he didn’t move away, nor did he flinch; it was more like–

“Er, I–I politely–disagree,” Akira stuttered, his cheeks growing a lovely red, gaze darting left and right as his throat bobbed.

“On what?”

“That–that you were being mean to me. I was the one who literally wrote U SUCK on the cup, and, like…I didn’t know you at that point. Beyond the whole…magazine cover shtick thing. And the TV appearances. You…get the jist.” Akira lowered his gaze, pointedly avoiding looking at him. 

“And you think you know me now?”

Akira tightened his hold on him imperceptibly.

“I guess I don’t,” Akira murmured, but there was a lightness in his tone that made Goro feel at ease; that made him close his eyes again, lean his full weight against him.

“Well, you will from now on,” Goro promised, and this time, Akira amped up the pressure in a way that left Goro wanting for more.

“Is that a promise?”

“Only if I,” Goro mumbled, feeling lethargy sink into his veins, “get to know you, too.”

“...Alright.”

Goro barely managed to open his eyes, but he needed to make sure this was real, needed to burn Akira’s gaze into the back of his mind; even if that left him breathless.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. It’s a deal. A deal where I give as much as you’re willing to take, and…vice versa. That, at least, is something I’m familiar with.” For a moment, it looked like Akira’s gaze darkened. “Even though I’m not familiar with the nature of this game, I’m afraid. All my other deals…let’s just say none of them ever had a happy ending. Or…were of any type of enjoyable nature.”

Goro’s eyelids fluttered close again. It had been a long fucking day, and he’d just about used up the last bit of his energy.

“And this is?”

“Hm?”

“Of…enjoyable nature.”

Akira’s gaze met his. He tilted his head, and once again it occurred to Goro that Akira was hiding a devastating type of devilish charm, the type that would have women and men swooning over him if he knew how to utilize it properly.

But then he’d just turn into a copy of Goro, and Goro quite disliked the idea.

“I suppose only time will tell,” Akira muttered, but his expression was light, and the corner of his mouth tilted up further as Goro levelled a sleepy glare at him. “And it looks like for now, it’s bed time for you.”

“Mhm. Can’t walk, though.”

“I’m not buff like Ryuji,” Akira laughed, but attempted to lift him up anyway, startling Goro enough to have a stream of insults leave his mouth as they nearly toppled over. In the end, Akira led him back to his room by holding his hand, holding it for as long as Goro slipped under the covers and turned the nightlamp off, casting the room in total darkness.

“Oops,” he murmured, “Guess you’ll have to make your way back through the dark.”

He only meant it as a tease; he knew Akira understood, because Akira laughed, but perhaps it was the nature of the night, the intimacy that they had enjoyed so far that loosened Akira’s tongue and had him slip out another well-guarded secret.

“Don’t worry,” he whispered, “Being stuck in the dark is exactly what I’m used to.”

Goro wanted to inquire what that meant exactly, felt a surge of irritation prick at him, but it wasn’t strong enough to fight the hold sleep had on him. 

It was quite fatal that he missed Akira’s last admission, a secret whispered and lost to the night.

“Which is why I’m at such a loss when it comes to you.”