Work Text:
Wylan is lying on their bed in just their boxers. They almost tug at their hair again. Their clothes are strewn everywhere. They hear a knock on the door followed by Matthias's charming and soft voice asking if they're almost ready.
They throw an arm over their eyes and choke back a muffled sob. They don't hear their partners come in until someone is trying to touch them.
They basically throw themselves against the wall and snarl. "DON'T FUCKING TOUCH ME!"
Jesper has seen this kind of mess before. They've seen it inside their own room. Their tone is firm as they tell the others to wait at the car. They send Kaz a stern look when he tries to protest. Once the bedroom door is closed behind Nina, they quietly sit cross legged next to Wylan.
Wylan who has had their head in their knees lifts their had slightly and chuckles weakly. "Am I ruining this entire evening? Fuck, I'm such a fuckup."
Jesper sighs softly. "I think you're going what me and Poppy call a GEM."
Wylan scowls and looks at their partner like they've grown two heads. They let out a hysteric chuckle when Jes explains what GEM stands for. I already hated feeling like this and now it has a fucking name. Oh just kill me.
They sneer. "I don't give a fucking fuck what it's called. My clothes don't fit and it's not because of the stupid size."
Jesper nods. "I know love. I know."
Wylan scoffs loudly. "Do you know?! Do you wake up and your skin is crawling and screaming at you because you don't know what to do with your body? Do none of YOUR CLOTHES FEEL RIGHT BECAUSE YOUR GENDER EXPRESSION IS ACTING LIKE A BITCH?! EVERYTHING FEELS WRONG."
They let out a sound between a hysteric sob and laugh. They deflate a little because none of this is Jes's fault and they just basically screamed in their face. They start scratching at their wrists because that's all they can think of doing.
Jesper smiles softly. "I'll make you some tea and tell the others you can't make it."
Wylan chuckles weakly. "I don't deserve you."
Jesper hums. "I love you so much and nothing will ever change that."
That causes Wylan to break into tears. They grab Jes's arm and basically dig their nails in. Sobs back their body but they quickly calm down and grumble, asking if the GEM bullshit gets any better.
Jesper speaks warmly. "I know it doesn't feel like it right now but it gets better. It's such a relief when the Gender Expression Meltdown ends."
Wylan is now alone in the Slat. They're curled up a ball and they don't know how long it's been. They reach for their phone and ask Siri what time is it. Well crap, it's been 35 minutes since others left for their dinner reservation.
They almost trip over something and look to see a treasure chest. They scoff in disbelief. They then get a ping from their phone. It's a voice message. They listen to it and slowly a little bit of relief fills them as Jes's voice explains what's in the chest.
The green and purple crochet skirt is calling their name and they feel it in their hands. They put it on and sob in relief. Something is still missing though. They want to scream in frustration because nothing else in the treasure chest fits the vision they have for themselves.
When the others get back they notice that Wylan is lying on the kitchen counter. Nina wants to hug them but is stopped with Jesper. She frowns in confusion.
Jesper speaks in a whisper. "Touch isn't what Wy needs right now. Give them some space."
Wylan sits up and looks dazed when they speak. "I burnt some of my clothes. Whoopty fucking do."
They then continue lying down with their arm over their eyes. They feel numb and so so fucking tired.
They hear footsteps followed by Jesper's voice. "A lot of the melt down is you getting into your head. You need to put yourself first before you put others."
They understand what was not said. Their breath comes out a little shaky before they take a deep breath and sit up before hopping off the counter.
Their smile is wobbly. "Will this fix me?"
Jesper smiles sadly and softly. "You're not broken. You're just a little bit of a mess right now and you're so fucking valid. I love you."
Wylan hesitates before kissing both side of Jes's face before heading toward the stairs. They smirk a little when Inej asks them if they're wearing her boots. They don't answer and continue heading to their room.
For some reason the song Praying by Ke$ha is what's going to comfort them right now. They pick up their clothes that weren't burnt. There's a shirt that catches their eye and they press it against their chest.
Once they're done putting together an outfit that's fully them, they slip into the bathroom that's next door and look in the full body length mirror. They hug their waist and start letting the song kind of carry them.
Since they have air pods in, they don't hear the knocking at first. Their smile is sheepish. Part of them wants to run and never look back after making eye contact with Matthias. They didn't think someone else would see their outfit so soon.
They think about it and realize it doesn't matter when Matthias or any of the others see the outfit. I did this for myself so ha. They almost giggle in disbelief because they're not sure where the ha came from.
They step to the side when Matthias announces that he still needs to pee. If their thoughts weren't all over the place, they'd definitely make a joke about watching Matthias piss. They go back into the room and stare at their hands.
Their hands come up to their face and they kind of just let them rest there. I don't fully feel like myself but it's a start.