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Connor and Hudson, the most famous hockey players in the world (sorry, Tim and Wayne), stood in a corner of a large room and wagged their chins together. The din was quite loud, and there were probably more stars in here than in the night sky at the moment. Several smiled at them both and asked for pictures. It was their first Met Gala, and they were equally uncomfortable (in their clothes) and bored (mostly out of their minds). Well, not that bored, for you see, they were hard at it playing their favourite game of all.
Boxers or briefs. Shall we join them?
"Fuck! Russell Tovey at your 6!" Connor drooled as he murmured this to his best pal.
"Why yes, I would love to fuck him and commando!" Hudson purred his eyes full of Tovey.
"I call briefs. He is from the UK. They love briefs there."
"He won't be in briefs for much longer! Not if I have anything to do with it," Hudson cackled and then coughed. Some of the joy had just gone down the wrong way!
Russell smiled a sweet smile and winked at them. He walked by. Fast walked by. Connor heard snatches of his conversation. "Have my kit bag ready so I can change, and yes, the private taxi to--". Seemed like he was in a hurry to get out of this place for some reason!
"Do you think he's going to the Meat Gala?"
"Heeey toots, quiet, don't you know you know the first rule of Meat Gala?" Hudson hissed like a Canadian cobra chicken.
"There is no meat gala," Connor said with a straight face and stared at Hudson, who stared back, deeply grave. For ten whole seconds, not one word was exchanged by either handsome man. They stared at each other. Then both laughed and high-fived each other. Sexy dorks
'Hugh Jackman."
"A man jacking man? Huge news to me."
"No, you silly, the sexy Aussie who pretended to be Canadian ... What do you think he is---"
"Commando,"
"I say Speedo!"
Rauw Alejandro."
"Damn, I'd take him raw!"
Dude, boxers or briefs?
"Commando."
"Sam Asghari. Nice fits by the way. Compression shorts."
"Nah, freeballing! No underwear, can handle all that ass, dude." Connor supposed Hudson was right for once.
"Okay, maybe you are right about that. He would look great in anything. Whoa, Rami Malek? I think black briefs. They would look really good on him."
"Freeballing, dude."
"Staph Hudson, everyone is not going commando or freeballing. You're literally killing the undergarment industry. My grandparents were underwear farmers. They are coming tonight to haunt your ass.
"I am afraid my ass will be occupied," Hudson winked at Connor. Then stage whispered, "The meat gala won't end until the morning light."
The boys kept scanning for babes. One guy really caught Connor's eye.
"Fuck, who is that twink in the suit?"
"Which one?"
"The cute one!"
"Which cute twink? There are a lot of them. This place is absolutely lousy with twinks, twunks and all in between. Would kill for some bears, honestly and leopards."
"The one in the suit, standing next to that tall sexy dude holding a sword?"
"Fuck they're both hot."
"Twinkie in black boxers."
"Sexy fencer in boxers, the same material as his suit. You know that guy is styling." Hudson finished.
"Diego Calva."
"Freeballing."
"Hudson! I heard he has got a big one and it's inside a pair of loose boxers. He has to have it loose, so his snake has breathing room."
"I've got a big one too, and every minute we play this sexy, silly game it gets bigger."
"Luke Evans."
"Dang i dunno. Trunks
"He would be good in anything. Especially me."
"Tom Blyth!"
"Commando! Wait, no freeballing, wait, no Commando. Um, can I say...freeballing?"
"Sigh, I hate my life...Briefs. He is British."
"Miles Caton"
"Trunk!"
"Yes, I could see that, and way to go for not saying 'commando' or 'freeballing.' I am so proud of you."
"Callum Turner."
Commando!
"Plaid Boxers. 90s era. Baggy"
"Thomas Doherty"
"My brief! I traded with him in the bathroom."
"Really? You goof!"
"What are you two weirdos doing here, standing in a corner?" A curious voice they both knew, but it still gave the boys a start.
"Being antisocial, "Hudson quipped, eyeballing Jake Gyllenhaal standing there with a smirk on their face, taking them both in.
"We are just a little overwhelmed," Connor offered, hoping that he would believe it was all just jitters and nerves. He turned to Hudson for backup, and Hudson opened his mouth with a smirk:
"Nice suit, Jake. It would look great balled on the floor of my hotel room."
"Hudson!" Connor moaned.
"I know, I know, but if you didn't say it, I would." He directly looked at the A-lister who stared back before bursting with laughter.
What are you guys really doing back there?" Jake wheezed, trying to suppress his mirth. Barely.
"We are playing a game because it's boring! If you must know." Hudson said in a haughty tone. Oh my fucking god, Connor thought, if they survived tonight, he would make sure Hudson was sent for media training!
"What type of game? I like games." Jake was intrigued.
"We are trying to guess what the guys are wearing," Connor murmured.
"Wearing? like, designers?"
"Sort of. Um, well, that's not important. We are trying to figure out what they are wearing underneath their clothes." Connor stared at Hudson before speaking. So now the hero sandwich had become a silent casserole.
"Underneath?"
"Boxers or briefs. Ever played that?" Hudson finally spoke up.
"No. But. Hmm. What do you think I am wearing underneath this wiseguys??" Jake's voice was serious. He patted the front of his trousers that seemed to have filled as they were having this deep convo.
"Freeballing!" Connor and Hudson spoke in unison. Jake smirked at them and then began to unzip his pants. He pulled them down, and fuck, whatever he was in was pale green.
"Underwear!" They shouted out a little louder than usual. But everyone there seemed not to have heard them.
"Wrong kids. A jockstrap. What does the winner of this game get?" He smiled sweetly.
"Cock" Connor smirked. Hudson blanched and stared at his straight man.
"Well then. Maybe I want to help you get some more intel."
"How?" Hudson asked, intrigued.
"There's a secret bathroom on the fourth floor. Meet me there in 20. I got an idea that will knock your socks off and determine an actual winner!
"What the fuck," Connor mouthed at Hudson.
"I know, right? I haven't trusted him since I saw Spider-Man: Far From Home."
"He was acting Hudson. He is older than us. I say we trust him!"
"What if he locks us in the bathroom. "
"Why would he do that? This isn't some soap opera."
Both sighed. What to do?
"Let's keep playing for a few more rounds and then go to the bathroom. And if that's lame, let's just bail and go to the Meat Gala. Did you get a map for it?"
"Yes, I did. Sent to my app. Okay sure. Theodore Pellerin?"
"Briefs"
"Boxer briefs. He's French."
"He's Canadian."
"He's French Canadian."
"He's a twink. They wear briefs."
"Randall Park"
"Sheer boxer briefs. silk. I saw him at the urinal."
"How is that possible? I was with you the whole night."
"I escaped when you were staring at the ceiling."
"Riz Ahmed"
"He has beautiful ears, Commando."
"The rest of him is just as stunning. White cotton boxers."
"He's a drummer."
"I figured. Ahn Hyo-seop!"
"Really nice boxers, like probably pale pink or plain green."
"He has great calves."
"Whatever he is wearing, I am sure they accent his calves perfectly."
The boys realized they had a few minutes before they had to meet Jakey G at the abandoned bathroom, so they scurried to the third floor and found it. They passed through the door.
Connor and Hudson did not have to wait long!
"Shall we start the game?" Jake called out as he walked in. Then he turned back and opened the door wide. Both Connor and Hudson gasped. Dudes started pouring into the spacious abandoned bathroom, all with grins and smirks on their faces.
Jake G, you see, decided to be the pied piper of horniness and went to every dude he knew and asked them to come to a special location if they were bored as fuck and also waiting to leave this party for the actual gala! The fellas, of course, answered.
There were at least forty hot dudes in here now.
"Well, boys? Are you ready to play boxers or briefs?" Jake grinned and began to unbutton his trousers and pulled them down to his ankles, showcasing that beautiful jockstrap.
"Who goes first?" Connor asked in a hoarse voice.
"How about me?" A deep voice that resonated in every dude's heart in the room and made all their dicks harder.
"LaKeith Stanfield?"! Connor murmured.
"3 2 1," Jake counted down, "your answers at the same time if you please, gentlemen."
COMMANDO, Connor and Hudson shouted out.
Smirking, LaKeith began to undo the buttons of his trousers.
Not a single eye in the entire room blinked.
THE END