Work Text:
Spamton G. Spamton did not get sick. He sold cars. He was a big shot. He performed on live television with the TV world boss. He was powerful. He controlled information. So he did not expect it when he started his day out with a massive headache and his skin feeling like he had been flayed alive.
“Hrrrrmgh. This is [[NOTTINGHAM]]. A [[GREAT JOB!!!]] feeling to have.” he complained to his mirror. The mirror did not answer. “I should not come into [[WORK IT, BABY]] today. Not like this.”
Oh god, he was going to have to call in sick. Oh god, he was going to have to deal with Tenna. Tenna would either treat him like he had the plague, yell at him for missing work, or joke about him getting a computer virus. Not that Tenna knew what a computer virus was, but he had heard it once and once Tenna heard something, he NEVER forgot. The man's memory was immaculate. But, even so, they were best friends. They might not be after what happened last Saturday, though…
He stood up to call Tenna’s strange green assistant and immediately regretted it, because a wave of head pain hit him. “Augh, [[WHY NOT??]]” said Spamton as he collapsed to the floor.
He pulled himself up and reached the phone, but before he could call TV world the phone rang with a familiar tone. Oh god no. Not now. Not today. He picked up the phone anyway.
☟︎☜︎☹︎☹︎⚐︎📪︎ 💧︎🏱︎✌︎💣︎❄︎⚐︎☠︎
“Hello. Can you… [[FIX ME]] this?”
🕈︎☟︎✡︎ 💧︎☟︎⚐︎🕆︎☹︎👎︎ ✋︎✍︎
“That’s a no. Okay. Great. I [[GUESSING GAME]] I'll just [[LIVE IN LIFE]] with this.”
☹︎⚐︎💧︎☜︎☼︎
The line went dead, and Spamton hung up. Ugh. His benefactor was the entire reason he was here in this expensive house, having achieved all his wildest dreams. They could also be very difficult. He called Tenna’s assistant. He picked up on the first ring. “Hello, Battat speaking. You have reached TV world. How may I assist you today?”
Battat sounded tired and only slightly bored. That meant he was doing his job well. “Heeeyyyy, Battat. It’s Spamton. [[LISTEN UP]], I am [[SICK BEATS]] right now, so can you tell our [[GRATUITY FEE]] boss that I will not be [[COMING STRAIGHT FROM YOUR]] into work today? Oh, and [[BELIEVE IT!!]] me, I would come into work [[TODAY ONLY!]] if I could, but I would be a [[HORRENDOUS PERFORMANCE]] cohost. The [[LIVE AUDIENCE]] would eat me [[ALIVE OR DEAD]].”
Battat groaned. “Oh, god. Okay, I… okay. I’ll let the boss know. Rest up. And by the way, with all that I’m gonna get yelled at today, you’ll get it tenfold tomorrow, so I recommend coming into work with a box of chocolates. Goodbye, Spamton.”
Spamton heard the dial tone, and hung up the phone. He tried to get to his bed, but the floor seemed to collapse under him, enveloping him in darkness. Fun.
The next thing he knew, he was in his bed with blankets over him and a towel on his forehead. He absolutely did not do this. Who…
“OH GOOD, YOU'RE AWAKE. HEY, SPAMTON. HOW ARE YA, BUDDY?” It was Tenna. Tenna was in his house and had put him in bed. Wait, why was Tenna in his house?
“Tenna, why are [[YOU LITTLE]] in my [[HOUSE AND HOME]]? You should be at the [[LIVE STUDIO RECORDING]]. Also, [[HOWEVER]] did you get into my house?” said Spamton.
“I’M IN HERE BECAUSE YOU’RE SICK,” replied Tenna. “MY ASSISTANT TOLD ME. AND I OBVIOUSLY GOT A REPLACEMENT. FOR BOTH OF US. I’M NOT STUPID, SPAMTON.” Okay, that made sense but…
“[[SURE, BABYCAKES]]. But how did you [[GET IT]] into my house? I didn't [[LET ME]] you in.”
“OH, I HAVE A COPY OF YOUR HOUSEKEY. YOU GAVE ONE TO ME A COUPLE WEEKS AGO, FOR EMERGENCIES. AND I FIGURED THAT BECAUSE YOU WEREN'T PICKING UP THE PHONE, YOU WERE EITHER DEAD OR DYING. BECAUSE YOU ALWAYS PICK UP THE PHONE, NO MATTER WHAT. AND I WAS RIGHT! YOU WERE DYING!”
Spamton considered this. Tenna was, in fact, right. But that didn’t mean it wasn’t creepy that Tenna had a copy of his housekey. In fact, Spamton could probably get a reasonable amount of money if he sued for trespassing. But, Tenna had the best lawyers from here to Card Kingdom. So, suing was off the table.
He also liked Tenna, and it would suck to have to argue with him more than was necessary.
He sniffled. Ugh. Congestion. The worst. “What are [[YOU DOING THIS]]?”
“PAPERWORK. I’M A BIT BEHIND ON PAYING THE SHADOWGUYS, BUT THEY ALL LOOK THE SAME!”
“Tenna, that’s a micro[[AGRESSIVE!]]. You [[CAN’T WON’T AND]] say that. Also, they [[ABSOLUTE BEAN WATER]] do not. You just don’t pay attention to your [[STAR EMPLOYEES]]. Ugh, I’ll do it. [[HERE WE GO!]], what’ve you done?”
“UHHHHHH. A LOT. PROBABLY,” said Tenna, handing him a stack of paperwork that did not look like a lot. “HERE, REVISE THIS?”
It took a while, and longer than it would have if Spamton wasn’t sick. But they got a good amount done. If Spamton was honest, it was nice, in a strange way. Ηe could get used to this, actually. Well. He could. But nothing lasts.
Spamton was dreaming. He knew this, but it was still horribly real. The towering black-and-white skeletal figure loomed above him, glowing slightly green.
✡︎⚐︎🕆︎ ✌︎☼︎☜︎ 👎︎⚐︎⚐︎💣︎✋︎☠︎☝︎ ✡︎⚐︎🕆︎☼︎💧︎☜︎☹︎☞︎📪︎ 💧︎🏱︎✌︎💣︎❄︎⚐︎☠︎ ☝︎ 💧︎🏱︎✌︎💣︎❄︎⚐︎☠︎
✡︎⚐︎🕆︎ 😐︎☠︎⚐︎🕈︎ ❄︎☟︎✌︎❄︎ ❄︎☟︎✋︎💧︎ ☜︎☠︎👎︎💧︎ ✋︎☠︎ ❄︎☼︎✌︎☝︎☜︎👎︎✡︎
“Sh-shut up! I can still enjoy this!”
His pleading was met with no remorse.
☟︎⚐︎🕈︎ 🕆︎☠︎☞︎⚐︎☼︎❄︎🕆︎☠︎✌︎❄︎☜︎
❄︎☟︎✌︎❄︎ ✡︎⚐︎🕆︎ 👍︎⚐︎☠︎❄︎✋︎☠︎🕆︎☜︎ ❄︎⚐︎ ☹︎✌︎❄︎👍︎☟︎ ⚐︎☠︎
☼︎☜︎💣︎☜︎💣︎👌︎☜︎☼︎ ☠︎⚐︎❄︎ ❄︎⚐︎ ☝︎☜︎❄︎ ❄︎⚐︎⚐︎ 👍︎☹︎⚐︎💧︎☜︎
“I- well. I’m not getting close. I swear. I still remember the prophecy.”
☝︎⚐︎⚐︎👎︎
❄︎☟︎✋︎💧︎ ☼︎🕆︎☹︎☜︎☼︎ ☟︎✌︎💧︎ ✌︎ 💧︎🕈︎✋︎☞︎❄︎ 🏱︎✌︎✋︎☠︎☞︎🕆︎☹︎ ☜︎☠︎👎︎
❄︎☟︎☜︎ ☹︎⚐︎☼︎👎︎ ⚐︎☞︎ 💧︎👍︎☼︎☜︎☜︎☠︎💧︎ 👍︎☹︎☜︎✌︎✞︎☜︎👎︎ ☼︎☜︎👎︎ 👌︎✡︎ 👌︎☹︎✌︎👎︎☜︎
⚐︎☼︎ ☟︎✌︎✞︎☜︎ ✡︎⚐︎🕆︎ ☞︎⚐︎☼︎☝︎⚐︎❄︎❄︎☜︎☠︎✍︎
His benefactor’s tone seems to be more questioning at the end, even though it is the same, monotonous screech-wail.
“I have not forgotten. But. I’ll enjoy this while it lasts. Grant me that, at least.”
☟︎💣︎
☟︎⚐︎🕈︎
👍︎🕆︎☼︎✋︎⚐︎🕆︎💧︎
☟︎⚐︎🕈︎ ✞︎☜︎☼︎✡︎ 👍︎🕆︎☼︎✋︎⚐︎🕆︎💧︎ ✋︎☠︎👎︎☜︎☜︎👎︎
✌︎☹︎☼︎✋︎☝︎☟︎❄︎
💧︎🕆︎☼︎☜︎
🕈︎☟︎✌︎❄︎☜︎✞︎☜︎☼︎
☝︎✌︎✡︎✌︎💧︎💧︎
Spamton awoke with a start and an answer. He wasn’t pleased, but at least he knew he wasn’t breaking the rules. Yet. He ALSO knew that his benefactor was an asshole.
Oh, well.
At least he still had Tenna. For now.
Dear heaven he wished now could last forever.