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It was currently 11.10am and Alexandra was at their café; the one Anna and her were supposed to meet. She was sitting down in their usual table, it was outside, under a tree in the corner, as if hid from the outside world. And maybe that was why they once upon a time loved this table because they could just be them. Not two famous international figure skater, not teammates, not rivals just Anya and Sashenka. Just the two of them and it was enough…
11.11am, Sasha looked at her phone again, growing more and more anxious as the minutes passed by, was Anna not going to show up? Was she getting stood up? Her leg shook, looking at the clock again; 11.12am.
No, Anna was too sweet for this. She wasn't going to leave Alexandra waiting just not to show up… No, that was not Anna… Wouldn’t you deserve though? You ignored her so now this is your payback. Her mind provided and she tried her best to shook these thoughts out of her head.
Fuck, what if Anna actually-
"Hi, sorry, I overslept." Alexandra heard a familiar soft voice and looked up to see Anna sitting down on the chair across from her. And gosh, Anna… Wasn't she gorgeous,with her pretty brown eyes and hair that now was cut shorter than it used to be. Still looking as soft as Alexandra remembered it when she last run her fingers through it the night before that damn freeskate that changed both of their lives forever.
"Hi." Alexandra managed to utter after a few seconds too long of silence when she was observing Anna. Clearing her throat in an attempt to compose herself she continued. "It's fine, no worries." Alexandra forced a smile on her face, it wasn't fine, Alexandra was sure Anna had abandoned her…. "Just thought you wouldn't show up." She muttered under her breath however the moment she saw the hurt expression on Anna's face she immediately regretted doing so, making a grimace herself.
"I told you I would." Was all Anna said her expression unchanged.
"You could have lied to not upset me." Alexandra felt the need to defend herself yet judging from Anna's face she had once again said the wrong thing.
"I never break my promises." Anna let out and while she did not say it upright Alexandra immediately understood what she wanted to say instead "I am not the one that has broken our promise."
"I didn't mean to either." Alexandra answered to her unsaid statement, her eyes softening while Anna's hardened.
"Yet you broke it either way!" You left me, you didn't love me no matter what. You broke your goddamn promise and my fucking heart in the process, Sasha! Anna wanted to scream instead yet kept it inside once again.
"I know…" Alexandra looked at her hands, fidgeting with them for a second before looking up at Anna. "I know, Anna. I know I was wrong. I…" She sighed. "I fucked up badly. I am proud of you for winning Anna, I am, you deserved it. Truly, I was just mad at myself, at Eteri, at everyone, but, not you. Never you." Alexandra started explaining, reaching her hand across the table and placing it on top of Anna's whose eyes while still not soft now looked a bit less intense than they used to a few seconds ago. "It just felt like… Like every time I looked at you I was reminded of how I lost…" She admitted and Anna frowned.
"Do you not get reminded of it any more?" Anna asked slowly, hesitantly, as if she didn't want to actually know. And maybe she didn't because she wasn't sure if she could handle whatever Alexandra's answer was.
"No, I still do I think." There went all of Anna's hopes. "Yet, I miss you more. Hell, love you more than that stupid gold medal. Not everything is as intense it used to be. To hell with the medal."Alexandra finished her eyes full of desperation searching of Anna's own, trying to see her reaction.
"But you are still reminded." Anna stated refusing to cling to hope just yet.
"It's been ages Anna. I am mostly over it, and even when I am not, Anna…" She sighed, bitting her lip, quickly shaking her head before continuing. "I can't keep doing this. I tried. I tried so hard Anna. So hard, to stay away from you, to get over you, to forget you. Yet, I never could. My thoughts would always drift to you. I tried dating Mark and Makar yet I didn't love them. Not like I loved you." Alexandra gripped Anna's hand, hoping Anna would understand her.
"You nearly… Are you not getting married to Makar?…" Anna asked confused, withdrawing her hand from Alexandra's who closed it into a fist after.
"No… I… I called it off." She what? Anna's eyes widened and she couldn't help but ask.
"Why? Why now? You've been together for months. You ignored me for years!" Anna bit her bottom lip hard, hoping the pain would ground her and she will not end up crying right then and there.
"I was so stupid Anna I know." And Anna could swear Alexandra looked also on the verge of tears by now. "I tried to pretend for so long. Yet I couldn't do it anymore. Couldn't marry Makar…" Alexandra looked away before muttering "Not when I knew I wanted to be married to you." Looking up again at Anna she was not expecting to see Anna crying tears of anger. Of happiness , of relief? Maybe, yet anger?… That was unexpected and it made Alexandra freeze on the spot.
"You think this is fair? That this is right to me!?" Anna yelled, not carrying for containing her tears anymore and letting them ruin her mascara and her tears spoil her cheeks as they run down like a waterfall. "You ignore me for years and suddenly I am once again the love of your life!? You wouldn't even spare me a glance, dated other people and constantly posted about it on the internet and suddenly you love me!? Have always loved me!?" Anna yelled, not caring about the fact they were outside and practically anyone could hear them and recognize them. Fuck it, she didn't care anymore.
"No, Anna. I don't think this is fair to you." Alexandra let out, tears slowly forming in her eyes and running down her face while Anna starred at her, not expecting this answer from Alexandra. "Hell, if you told me you never want to talk to me again, I would respect it. I would even understand it. However, I am done Anna. I am done with pretending I don't want you yet I will respect whatever answer you give me. But Anna I need you to understand, I am done, done with this bullshit, I cannot stand losing you again." Alexandra reached again for her hand and this time Anna met her halfway. "If you do decide to give me another chance, I will never do something as stupid as this. I lived away from you and I don't think I could do it again." Alexandra let out, tears now fully streaming down her face.
"Sashenka." Anna murmured, her face all red and puffy now, squeezing Alexandra's hand before pulling it back and using it to wipe at her face. "I…" She took a deep breath. "I do love you Sasha. I don't think I ever stopped loving you. Yet you need to understand that, this… All of this… I can't promise anything to you. I want to be with you, I want to give this, give us another shot. But, I cannot promise anything." Anna tried to explain the best she could and Alexandra wiping her tears now too, nodded a soft smile slowly spreading to her face.
"I understand. Thank you." Alexandra let out and Anna smiled. "I promise I will do the best I can." Alexandra promised again and for Anna's heart sake, she could only hope Sasha was going to keep her promise this time around.
"I certainly hope so." Anna tried to chuckle before seeing Alexandra stand up and walk up to her, stopping next to her as Anna rose from her chair too. "Could I?…" Alexandra asked leaning towards Anna who immediately wrapped her arms around Alexandra, hugging her tight. "Thank you." Sasha murmured to Anna's shoulder before also wrapping her arms around Anna, holding her as tight as she could, afraid this was a dream and she would wake up alone in her bed. "This feels like a dream."
"I promise you I am real." There went another promise, they really loved promises didn't they? "Let's go to my apartment and talk alright?" Anna suggested after a few minutes of their hugging when she had calmed down enough and saw Alexandra had done the same.
"Yeah." Alexandra pulled away and slowly but steadily they made their way to Anna's apartment.
Maybe everything would turn alright after all.