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Atsumu hated her.
Who does she think she is? Leaning on Rintarou like that, into his oh so valued personal space that no one had the right to invade? No one but him because even if Rintarou complained about it, Atsumu didn’t listen and draped himself all over him any chance he got anyway. But that was different, he was his best friend. She was not… right?
No really, who does she think she is?!
And why was Rintarou not pushing her off? He even leaned in closer so she could see better the video he was showing her on his phone.
Atsumu was about to storm back inside to go pick a fight with his brother to calm down when the girl looked up. Her eyes landed immediately on Atsumu without having to look for him and there was a knowing glint in her gaze. And then, to Atsumu’s horror, she snickered mockingly at him.
Atsumu wasn’t one to throw uncalled for names and insults at people (he absolutely was), but the word that crossed Atsumu’s mind seemed fitting and totally justified. The bitch. He scoffed loudly and angrily crossed his arms over his chest, startling a couple of students that passed behind him but he didn’t even notice them, too focused on the atrocious scene happening before his very eyes.
She turned back to Rintarou without breaking eye contact with Atsumu. He watched her lean even closer and almost pressing her lips to Rintarou’s ear to whisper something. And Rintarou blushed. He blushed. Unbelievable. Atsumu felt his stomach do a little flip at the sight and he attributed it to the despair and helplessness that comes with having to witness your best friend being stolen from you by some random girl.
Enough.
He turned around and shoved his fists in his pockets, leaving the nightmare inducing (yes, it was that serious, and it had nothing to do with the fact that Atsumu was very dramatic) sight of Rintarou and this stupid girl on their stupid bench with their stupid video and went back inside.
He walked back to his classroom where he was previously hanging out with Osamu and Gin during their free period until he had the stupid idea to go look for Rintarou.
He entered the classroom, flopped down on his chair without sparing a glance at his friend and brother and proceeded to start sulking like a child in his corner.
"Atsumu?" Gin questioned him, sounding more puzzled than worried, "Atsumuuuu, hello earth to Atsumu!" he waved his hand in front of his face and poked his arm until he got a reaction out of him.
"Fuck off Gin!" he slapped his hand away.
"There he is," Gin rolled his eyes "so where’s Sunarin?"
"With that bitch again!" he snapped, a few faces turned to look at him but he didn’t notice.
"Dude, ya need to get yer shit together."
Atsumu’s head shot up so fast he almost broke his neck. How was he the one to blame here?!
"Hah?" he said angrily at his brother who was looking at him with a very disdainful and unimpressed expression, "what’s that supposed ta mean?"
But before Osamu could answer with something that would undeniably start a fight, Rintarou walked in.
"Hey," he greeted his friends and they waved back.
His eyes were already on Atsumu though, Atsumu who was stubbornly ignoring him. Rintarou sat in front of him and observed him for a moment, "Atsumu," he finally said.
"Had fun with yer girlfriend?" he couldn’t help it, he snapped immediately. Atsumu was nothing if not confrontational, and he had a very mean tongue in those moments. Gin sighed somewhere besides him but he didn’t care.
"Fumiko is not my girlfriend," came Rintarou’s flat answer.
"Hah!" he exclaimed, pointing an accusatory finger at Rintarou, "the fact that ya know who I’m talkin’ about says otherwise!"
"Yeah no shit," Rintarou frowned at him, "I saw you go back inside earlier, you were looking for me, weren’t you? Why didn’t you come?" There was something different in his voice, something akin to frustration and hurt that Atsumu tried to ignore.
"Well I wouldn’t wanna interrupt!" he raised his voice and regretted it immediately when Rintarou’s eyes widened slightly but he didn’t stop, "she was all over ya and ya didn’t even push her away!"
"Atsumu," Osamu tried to warn him, it was not his place to stop this argument, they needed to figure it out themselves, but it was clearly taking a wrong turn, and people were staring at them now.
"So? Is that not allowed? You do that too, you know," Rintarou continued, unbothered by the attention, even if he would normally hate it, but this conversation wasn’t over.
"That’s different! Because… because! I’m yer best friend!"
A moment of silence passed. Another. And then a sigh.
"Whatever," Rintarou sounded defeated. Surprised by the change in his tone, Atsumu looked up to meet Rintarou’s gaze, he didn’t look angry anymore, just… drained and disappointed? Atsumu was so confused. He had the right to feel angry, right? Why was he the one that ended up feeling bad now then?
"I shouldn’t have to justify myself in the first place, but she’s not my girlfriend and never will be, she’s my friend. And you have no right to act like that, I am not an object Atsumu, I don’t belong to you."
Atsumu was left stunned by his words. But he didn’t have time to react, Rintarou abruptly stood up and left the classroom as people started whispering among themselves around them. Osamu quickly followed after his friend, and as he passed by, he made sure to smack Atsumu behind the head hard enough to make him yelp. He wanted to go after them but Gin stopped him.
"Don’t," he warned him, "I think ya’ve said enough Atsumu."
He grumbled but stayed still and slumped further onto his seat, not feeling like fighting anymore. Gin was right, and Rintarou’s words drained all the anger from his body, only leaving shame and confusion.
___
Osamu caught up to Rintarou in the hallway after his quick exit.
"Hey," he announced his presence to him with a light pat on the shoulder.
He only received a hum of acknowledgment in return but Rintarou didn’t push him away so he wordlessly walked with him outside and to the vending machine.
"You want something?" Rintarou offered as he dug out a few coins from his pockets.
"Ah no I’m good thanks," he responded, digging in his own pocket to fish out a small carton of strawberry milk, "got what I need already."
"Of course you do," Rintarou huffed a laugh, and inserted the coins in the slot.
Hot cocoa can between his cold fingers, he leaned against the wall, and sipped his drink wordlessly, his eyes absentmindedly staring at the ground. Osamu mirrored his expression but stared at Rintarou’s profile instead. The frustrated frown hadn’t left his face.
Osamu was no genius but it didn’t take one to guess that this petty fight was not only about Rintarou’s best friend title. But apparently Atsumu was even less than a ‘no genuis’ because he was stubbornly clinging to his obliviousness. Osamu knew something was going on between these two, but Atsumu was too dense to realise, or maybe too much of a coward to face his feeling, and as a result, the idiot took his anger and jealousy out on Rintarou.
Rintarou who seemed well aware of his own feelings, Osamu and Gin could tell even if Rintarou hadn’t explicitly voiced them, and as a result had to suffer Atsumu’s obliviousness. It was a bit pitiful to watch from the outside.
"Tsumu’s an idiot" Osamu said.
"No shit," Rintarou replied bitterly, but there was a small smile playing at his lips, it was tiring to deal with Atsumu’s antics sometimes but he was used to it.
"I’ll knock some sense into his thick skull."
"Please do."
"Although I think Gin might be doing it fer me right now."
Rintarou chuckled at the idea of Atsumu getting scolded by Gin.
Gin rarely raised his voice, he was a chill and laid back guy, and even though he was probably the most rational and reasonable of their friend group, he was not Kita-san either, and whatever joke or idiocy the others started, he was always in. It was hard to piss him off, you would need to really fuck up to do so, and Atsumu did just that.
___
"Atsumu," Gin tried to catch his attention for the second time today.
Atsumu ignored him and kept stubbornly staring at his desk, replaying his argument with Rintarou. He knew he was in the wrong. Rintarou was right, he was allowed to have other friends, of course he was. Hell, even a girlfriend, as much as the idea repulsed him because Rintarou, in fact, didn’t belong to him. So why did he act like such an asshole? Why was he so… jealous? He was missing a piece.
"Hey asshole, I’m talking to ya!" Gin snapped, standing in front of him with his arms resolutely crossed over his chest, and effectively catching Atsumu’s attention this time. He stared up at him with his mouth open in shock, he was in trouble.
"I’m not in the m-" he tried to grumble but Gin didn’t let him finish, he wasn’t going to escape this.
"Like I care!" Gin scoffed, "ya realise ya were acting like an asshole right now?"
Atsumu just pouted in response, not daring to talk back, and there was no point trying to deny it anyway.
The other sighed, then, more calmly, he asked, "what does Suna mean to ya, Atsumu?"
"What?" Atsumu gave him a puzzled look, "he’s my best friend, like ya."
"Really? Ya sure about that?" Gin gave him an unimpressed look.
"What do ya mean?" Now he was even more confused.
Gin briefly looked up, as if silently asking the gods to give him the patience to carry on with this discussion because Atsumu really is the densest and most stubborn person he’s ever met.
"Ya claim that I’m yer best friend too, but ya don’t start arguments with me when I hang out with other friends."
Atsumu only blinked at him.
"Yer being a dick with Suna, Atsumu," he said firmly, "ya don’t have the right to tell him things like that and act all jealous without even having a good reason."
Atsumu kept his mouth shut, he didn’t know what to say. He was right, he wasn’t jealous of Gin’s friends. Certainly, Gin’s friends didn’t act all smug and taunting like that girl, but that still didn’t give him the right to treat Rintarou like that.
"… should I apologise?"
"Obviously, are ya stupid?" Gin retorted with a humourless laugh, Atsumu ticked at the insult but he deserved it so he held his tongue for once.
"But ya need ta figure it out on a more… personal level too."
"What do ya mean?" he asked dumbly again.
"I mean that just apologising won’t solve yer problem. Come on Atsumu, get yer two brain cells to work together, why would ya be jealous of Sunarin having a girlfriend if he’s only yer best friend?"
Atsumu thinks he finally understand what Gin is trying to imply. It’s like a dam in his head suddenly broke down and the realisation floods him. He gulps soundly.
"Please shut up" he says, but his voice has no bite to it, he seems mortified even. He feels like he needs to lay down to process all these new informations, although he can see the conclusion forming itself in his brain without giving him the time to even process it first.
Gin seems satisfied and goes back to his desk, leaving Atsumu in his internal turmoil.
___
For the first time in his life, Atsumu dreaded going to practice, he took his time packing his things after the last period, went for a non needed bathroom break before he dragged his feet to the gymnasium’s door.
Atsumu was in deep shit. First because he just had two hours of literature classes, his weakest subject, and he didn’t take a single note and they had an important test next week, and second, and also the reason he was unable to focus during class, he had done some thinking, and he had come to the conclusion that, he might, just maybe, just a little bit be… kind of in love with his best friend.
Now that was groundbreaking news. Atsumu knew he was bi, that was not the problem, the problem was that he fell for his fucking best friend and didn’t even realise until he had been an absolute asshole to him. The worst part was that it seemed that all his friends noticed before he even knew himself. He was such an idiot.
In his defence, he’d never been in love before, especially not with his best friend of years, forgive him for not realising when and why the change happened.
But still. How was it possible that he let it get this bad before he finally realised? Atsumu had always thought Rintarou was pretty, sure, but that didn’t mean anything, he was sure everyone would agree that Rintarou had beautiful eyes and a blinding face card, that didn’t mean anything, it was just common sense.
He might also have made a habit of staring at Rintarou’s pink and shiny lips after he ate a candy and wondering if they tasted as sweet as they looked, and that probably meant something. There was also the fact that he would get all gloomy on days when Rintarou didn’t come to school because he was sick, and also the fact that Rintarou’s laugh made his stomach feel funny and he always turned to him first after telling a shitty joke in hopes to hear it.
That explained the boiling jealousy he felt whenever Rintarou was hanging out with that girl (no, he will not bother saying her name, he still really didn’t like her). And with her mocking smiles and knowing glances, he had a feeling even her knew about his feelings and was trying to make him jealous on purpose.
God, he was so, so incredibly stupid and blind.
And blind, he definitely was, figuratively and literally because he just walked straight into the door.
He grumbled an insult to the door and opened it, rubbing his sore forehead. When he entered, half of his teammates were already warming up and putting up the nets. Curse the loud ass door, everyone turned to look at him, the first years with curiosity, Miya Atsumu, the volleyball idiot that was always the first on the court, was late to practice? Unbelievable. The third years on the other hand shot him suspicious glances, and he decidedly avoided Aran and Kita’s eyes, he could feel them burn holes on the side of his head and he was convinced he would be turned to ashes if he looked at them directly. So they knew, great.
Osamu and Gin suddenly came out of the locker room, Rintarou right behind them. Atsumu swallowed harshly when their eyes met for a second, but he looked away immediately. He walked past them, wearing a scowl on his face to try and hide his embarrassment. He heard an annoyed tongue click that he knew was Osamu’s.
Well would you look at that, he acted like an asshole again and probably made things worse. Once the door of the locker room was closed behind him, he angrily pulled at his hair. He wanted to apologise, he really did, but he was so embarrassed now, he was trying okay?
He then noticed that he wasn’t alone. One of the first years was still there and was looking at him with eyes as big as saucers.
"Watcha lookin’ at, scrub?" he barked at him. The poor boy really didn’t deserve it, but he was the least of Atsumu’s concerns at the moment.
"Nothing!" he almost shouted and ran out the locker room.
___
Practice was hell. Atsumu tried to interact with Rintarou but all he was able to do was throw pikes at him. He meant it in a playful way, like they always did but with how nervous he was and considering the unresolved argument, the sarcasm just came out as plain insults. He was worsening his case with each word that escaped his lips but he just couldn’t help himself.
His teammates were throwing worried glances at them, they could feel something was off and tried easing up the tension with light hearted comments but Atsumu kept digging his own grave, so much so that Aran and Kira told him several times to quit his bullshit while Osamu and Gin glared murderously at him the whole time. But the fact that Rintarou wasn’t even fighting back was the most concerning, and he realised when it was too late once again.
"Yer block was shit Suna," he said and cursed himself for never being able to shut his goddamn mouth.
From the corner of his eye, he saw Osamu take a step forward, probably on his way to finally come beat his ass, which would have been deserved honestly, but Rintarou didn’t let him the time to do it.
"I’m done," he just said, raising his hands in defeat, "fuck you, Atsumu, seriously," his jaw was clenched but he didn’t raise his voice, and that was worse, Atsumu wished he’d just screamed at him.
He walked past Atsumu without sparing him a glance and headed towards the door.
On his way out, he almost bumped into Aran that was coming back from a bathroom break.
"Suna? Where a ya-" he started but interrupted himself when Rintarou angrily wiped his cheek with the palm of his hand.
Now Aran had seen countless of unbelievable things, he wasn’t that easily impressed anymore, that’s what growing up knowing the Miya twins does to you, but this was truly a shock. Suna Rintarou, who was known for his eternally blank facial expression, was crying. Okay, crying was a bit of a stretch, he was more tearing up but even that was the most expressive Aran had ever seen him, and he found he wasn’t very happy to have unlocked this new expression.
Once Rintarou disappeared behind the door, Aran turned back to the court and his eyes immediately found Atsumu, with how he’d been acting today, who else would the responsible?
"What the the fuck did ya do?" he scolded when he stopped in front of him and pointed an accusatory finger right under his nose, even though Gin and Osamu were already taking care of his case.
"He was bein’ a dick to Rin again, that’s what he did," Osamu glared at his brother.
"I swear I didn’t mean to make things worse!" the other tried to defend himself, "it’s just… I was-"
"Don’t try finding excuses," Gin interrupted him, "I thought ya wanted to apologise but ya just keep makin’ it worse? What the hell is wrong with ya!"
A lot of things, Atsumu thought to himself.
"Well ya better do that right now, I think he was crying," Aran said.
"What?!" the three of them said in a single voice.
Atsumu looked like he was about to cry too. Aran almost took pity on him, whatever the reason for him to be acting like that was, Aran was sure he had no bad intentions, he was just very bad at expressing his feelings and often ended up unintentionally hurting others, but he needed to take responsibility for his mistakes.
The other two seemed to share his point of view.
"Go find him right now or I’ll beat the shit outta ya," Osamu snarled and literally kicked him towards the door.
"Ow! What the hell, Samu!"
Atsumu wasn’t above starting another petty fight, Osamu had no business hitting his knees so hard, he needed those for volleyball! But the desire to fight vanished when he turned around and noticed Kita in the back walking towards them.
Right, he wasn’t winning this one, time to make a quick exit. Atsumu didn’t waste another second and scurried away.
___
Once he was out of sight, hidden from Gin’s murderous eyes and Osamu’s angry kicks, Atsumu collapsed against a wall and silently screamed into his hands.
He just embarrassed himself for an hour straight and looked like an absolute asshole in front of all his teammates, they were used to his arrogance, but he had just been plainly mean to Rintarou for no apparent reason today.
They always threw jabs like that at each other, but it was always playful and never with the intention of hurting the other. Maybe he hoped that the tension would magically dissipate if he went back to being his usual self and that the argument would be forgotten? Or that maybe it would rile up Rintarou and they could solve this through a screaming match? That’s how he and Osamu figured out most of their arguments, but clearly, it didn’t go his way and all he managed to accomplish was hurt Rintarou even more.
Why didn’t he just ask him if they could talk before practice? It would have been easy. Maybe I’m just a coward, he thought, and he didn’t know how to backtrack without hurting his pride and just admit he was wrong and properly apologise.
"Raaaahh!" he ruffled his hair angrily and stood back up, "get yer shit together!" he told himself and slapped his cheek for good measure before walking away.
___
Atsumu found Rintarou behind the science building, as he expected. Rintarou liked hanging out there, it was a little bit abandoned, people rarely came here and the weeds were overgrown due to the lack of maintenance. But that was precisely what Rintarou liked about this place, and also, and mostly, because there was a hole in the fence there and stray cats often came around to find shelter under the half collapsed roof of the gardening tools shack. He often bought cat treats from the the convenience store to feed them. Atsumu thought it was adorable.
Just like the sight in front of him.
Rintarou was crouching down to pet an orange cat, he hadn’t noticed Atsumu yet. He had a soft smile playing on his lips as he scratched the purring kitty’s chin. His heart felt warm as he watched him and realised this wasn’t the first time he had felt this way, now he knew why.
The cat suddenly fixed his alert eyes on him and scurried away. Rintarou turned around and when his eyes landed on Atsumu, his expression hardened, defensive.
Right. That snapped Atsumu out of his lovestruck reverie. Rintarou was mad at him and he was here to fix that.
"He-y," he cringed at the voice crack, cleared his throat and tried again, "hey."
Rintarou didn’t respond. He just stood up, crossed his arms over his chest, leaned his shoulder against the nearest wall and kept his eyes resolutely staring at the ground. At least he didn’t run away. Atsumu gathered his courage and walked up to him.
"Hey," he said again, awkwardly standing next to him, because apparently that was the only word he knew.
"What do you want?" Rintarou’s voice wasn’t mean per say, although it would have had every right to be, it was more cautious.
"I, uhm…" he nervously scratched the back of his neck, apologising really wasn’t his thing. The word scraped his throat when he finally pushed it out, "I’m sorry," he mumbled.
That finally made Rintarou look up.
"What was that?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.
Atsumu was absolutely sure he heard him the first time, the bastard just wanted to make him say it again. He found he didn’t really mind though, if Rintarou was messing with him again, he was on the right path.
"I said, I’m sorry," he repeated.
"…why?" came Rintarou’s response after a moment.
Atsumu blinked stupidly.
"Huh?" he lost count of how many times he had been confused today. Wasn’t it obvious? He’d been a prick all day, why else would he be saying sorry for?
"Why did you act like that?" Rintarou clarified, as if reading Atsumu’s mind.
Oh.
No shit, Atsumu thought to himself. Rintarou would want an excuse but most of all, he’d want an explanation. Fair enough. Except he didn’t plan that part. No way in hell he was going to tell him the actual reason when he was still processing it himself.
"Did I do something? If so, just tell me because-"
"No!" Atsumu interrupted him and almost shouted, making Rintarou flinch in surprise.
Atsumu hated that after all he’d said and done, Rintarou could still wonder if he was the one that had done something wrong, he didn’t think he deserved such kindness.
He cleared his throat, forcing himself to hold Rintarou’s questioning gaze.
"I mean… no, ya didn’t do anything," and when Rintarou still didn’t seem convinced, he insisted, "I promise, it’s my fault."
"Okay… but then why?"
Well fuck.
"I can’t tell ya," he blurted out.
Apparently, that was not the answer Rintarou hoped for if the frown on his face was any indication.
"Why not?" he looked hurt and Atsumu felt that pang of guilt seize his chest for the tenth time today.
"It’s just… I-" he let out a frustrated sigh, "because I’m not ready."
He could feel his cheeks burning and was sure he was as red as a tomato, he kept staring at the ground as the silence stretched between them, he could feel Rintarou’s piercing eyes studying him closely and he didn’t have the courage to meet them.
"If I stop asking, will you stop being a dick?"
Rintarou’s voice was calm when he spoke again. He didn’t seem mad anymore and Atsumu let out a relieved breath, feeling a weight lift off his chest.
"Yeah, I’m sorry, I’ll be better."
Silence again.
"So… are we good?" he asked tentatively.
"Yeah," Rintarou nodded, "yeah, we’re good. And just so you know, no need to be jealous of Fumiko, she’s not gonna steal your spot, I can promise you that."
Atsumu was about to deny that he was jealous of her, even though that was literally what started it all, it was still too embarrassing to admit (and he still didn’t like her), but whatever he was going to say died on his tongue when he saw that Rintarou was blushing. He was blushing! And he was the one that made it happen. Kind of.
"O-oh… okay," his brain short-circuited.
He didn’t have the time to gather his thoughts to give a proper response because Rintarou suddenly pushed himself off the wall, he cleared his throat and looked at Atsumu.
"We should go back," he said, his expression was back to normal.
"Yeah, let’s go," Atsumu smiled.
As they walked back to the gym together, Rintarou’s words resonated in his head and he wondered if he had been trying to imply something else, but his poor brain cells had already worked overtime today so he put it aside for the moment, for now, he was just glad to have his Sunarin back.