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Len's expecting it when Joe West shows up at the apartment he and Barry now share, service revolver ostentatiously hanging on his hip because he "forgot" to swing by home to drop it off first. West swaggers in, eyes narrow and suspicious like they have been ever since Barry decided to bring his and Len's year-old relationship into the light.
Len'd told Barry that announcing the relationship and their new cohabitation at the same time wasn't the best way to do this, but Barry had an off-and-on relationship with the truth at the best of times - something Len entirely understood - and hey, they're his friends. He can decide how to tell them; Len's old enough that the thought of being someone's dirty little secret amuses rather than irritates him.
"Can I make you coffee?" he asks West, interrupting West's intimidation speech before it starts. He then blissfully ignores the majority of it - the usual "if you hurt him/if you're using him/once I find out what you're up to" sort of stuff - in favor of making himself a cup.
"Are you even listening to me?" West demands.
"Yep," Len says. "Police brutality against an unarmed citizen is A-OK if that citizen's dating your son. I'm sure the D.A. agrees with you there."
West splutters.
"Now that I'm thinking about it, you already have a handful of - what do they call 'em now - 'officer involved shootings' on your record, don't ya?" Len says thoughtfully.
"I was protecting Barry!"
"And you're threatening to do the same now," Len points out pleasantly. "That's precedent enough to move your threat from empty talk to fighting words, and every court in the city'd agree with me. Now get the fuck out of my apartment or I'll take this little conversation to CCPD Internal Affairs and have your badge before dinner."
West storms out.
Len sips his coffee. Just the right temperature.
Barry warned him that people might try to give him the shovel talk. Len never said he was going to be nice about letting them.
Iris West is up next, to no one's surprise.
"I just want you to know -" she starts.
"Your dad was already here," Len says. "Tell me, did he do the same spiel on your boy?"
She scowls. "No, if he's done already, then he was probably even worse to Eddie, actually."
"Oh, 'cause you're a girl?" Len says innocently.
"I – what – no! It was because Eddie was his partner."
"And I'm a crook and a murderer," Len points out. "My speech took less time than it took for my coffee to get drinkable."
Iris' cheek flush with indignation. "Why that little - he was on Eddie's case for weeks -" She turns on her heel and storms to the door. Right before that, she calls over his shoulder, "You know I'll hurt you if you hurt him, right?"
"I assumed as much," he calls back, and smiles.
Wally West is even quicker. He gets out a "If you -" before Len says, "Do you really think there's anything you can say that your dad and sister haven't already swung by to say?"
"Huh," Wally says. "Point. Uh. Ditto?"
"Good kid," Len says. "Now get out of here before I call the bookie that runs the drag racing and tell him you're a cop's kid."
Wally exits at speed.
Cisco Ramon isn't unexpected either. He shows up with a house-warming gift, at least. "I just wanted to say, about Barry -" he begins.
"How's Lisa doing?" Len cuts in smoothly.
"Um. Lisa?"
Len smiles his best shark's smile. "You really want to have this chat with me, Cisco? Knowing the things I know? Feeling the way I do about my baby sister?"
"Why don't we just call it even," Cisco squeaks.
"Let's do that."
Caitlin, he goes to visit himself. "Sorry for the kidnapping," he says earnestly.
"Is that a cake?" she asks in horrified amusement.
"I thought it was appropriate."
"Did you actually convince someone to write 'sorry about nearly blowing you up' on a cake in frosting?"
"It's red velvet and raspberry buttercream on the inside, to mimic an explosion," Len says cheerfully, omitting the fact that Mick made the cake and didn't have the slightest hesitation about scrawling the words on top.
"You're a terrible person," she says. A few minutes later, she adds, "This is great cake, though."
"Much obliged. Peace for Barry's sake?"
People tend to be more agreeable halfway through a slice of Mick's cakes. "Sure," she says. "Just, you know..."
"I consider myself warned," he assures her.
"Good," she says firmly, then licks her fingers when she thinks he's not looking.
The calls from Barry's exes are pretty funny, because they mostly involve said exes dancing around the "do you know that Barry's the Flash? Oh you do, good, wanted to make sure you knew what you were getting into" conversational minefield. Barry's really awful at the secret identity stuff.
Felicity Smoak shows up in person, which Len respects. "You know who I am?" she asks.
"You're the one who made the virus that erased my criminal record from the internet," Len says. "Thanks for that."
"Uh," she says. "Was that me?"
"So how's Oliver doing?" Len asks. "Still vigilante-ing it up?"
"I'm not sure you should know that," she says dubiously.
"Barry Allen," Len replies, because that answers so much.
"Wow, he's just so bad at the secret identity stuff, isn't he?"
"He took a phone call from you guys in bed once," Len says dryly.
Felicty giggle-snorts. She ends up leaving an hour later with a box of cupcakes and a spring in her step, fully convinced that Len is a sweetheart and that she threatened him thoroughly, despite her never actually having gotten to the threat part. Len knows how to cultivate allies.
Of course, as everyone in the criminal underworld is aware, where Felicity Smoak goes, so follows the Starling City vigilante.
Len takes some precautions.
He's unsurprised to find himself waking up in an empty warehouse a day or two later, tied to a chair.
"Green Arrow, I presume," Len says pleasantly. "Oh, and you brought your sidekick, Cherry."
"Speedy!"
"Good to see one of you's not going with the color-coordinated theme. It's very 1980s, you know?"
"Shut up," Oliver growls. "We're here to have a talk with you -"
"Actually, that's not why you're here," Len says.
"...what?"
"You're here because you made several cognizant threats against my life recently that I was able to prove to the satisfaction of the CCPD," Len says. "Which is why I agreed to let them track me in case you tried to kidnap me. So unless you feel up to running over a bunch of unfamiliar roofs or killing some Central City cops - which, by the way, Barry knows personally and won't be too happy about - I suggest that you're actually here to say hi and run away while I reiterate that you should stay the fuck out of my town unless Barry explicitly invites you."
Oliver Queen and his sidekick only just manage to evade the cops' ambush. Captain Singh comes in and unties Len himself, which Len really appreciates. "Better luck next time," he tells the guy.
"The important thing is to make sure the Starling City Vigilante knows he ought to stay where he belongs - in Starling City," Singh says. "As I'm sure you agree."
"Hundred percent."
"About Barry Allen, Snart..."
"Yeah?"
Singh studies him for a long minute. "You the source of those cupcakes he brings by sometimes?"
"My partner," Len says. "But I can hook you up."
"The arsonist? No, no, wait, I'm not asking. I don't want to know. More importantly: my husband's birthday is two weeks from now."
"What's his favorite flavor?" Len asks with a grin.
"He likes healthy stuff?" Singh asks hopelessly.
"Leave it to me."
Mick rolls his eyes at Len when he shows up after arranging an 'accidental' meeting with Singh's husband to press him for favorites, but he enjoys the challenge regardless. (And judging by the noises Len hears from Singh's house, it goes pretty well for everybody else involved, too.)
Henry Allen, now a free man, swings by one evening with a box of beer and they have a good long chat about fellow acquaintances in prison, because some habits die hard and jail-yard gossip is one of them. Before he leaves, Allen puts a hand on Len's shoulder and says, "Take good care of Barry, Len. I know you can do it. If you're the one he picked, well, I trust you with him."
Allens. Always seeing the good in people, the whole crazy lot of them.
Also, Mick's totally wrong about Len having feelings about that little chat. No feelings were involved. He has allergies, that's all. Spontaneously occurring allergies. It's a thing, okay?
The people from Earth-2, when they finally show up, Len just crosses his arms and glares at. They both wilt immediately.
"He looks just like the Mayor when he does that," Jessie hisses at her father. "I can't yell at the mayor!"
"He's not the mayor here!" Harry hisses back, but he seems somewhat uncertain as well.
"Why don't we skip the threats and you tell me all about how I got to be the mayor," Len suggests. "Also, do you happen to know someone on your earth by the name of Mick Rory...?"
He comes home with a pleased smirk, only to find a scowling Barry.
"Hey," Len says, going over to put a hand on Barry's shoulder. "What's wrong?"
"I just found out everyone's been threatening you on my behalf," Barry says, scowl deepening. "They shouldn't have! It was totally inappropriate! I'm an adult, and if I decide to trust you and love you, that's my business. They had no right! I'm sorry you had to go through that, Len."
"Oh," Len says. "Don't worry about it. It just shows how much they love you."
"But still!"
"Well," Len says thoughtfully. "I'm sure you can make me feel better about it. Somehow."