Chapter Text
People love to say “The family you choose is better”, but there must be some kind of limits. Like, nobody would want murderers, eldritch horrors or people who chew too loudly as their crazy uncles. So it was clear, there must be limits, and it was just that house on the borders of the high-tech of Sweet Jazz City broke them all.
In that house, a cop, a conman, two thieves, a supervillain plus one of his minions, a construction worker, a psychologist, and an ex-terrorist were now living under the same roof. And the weirdest thing?
It was that everyone was okay with this.
They had their rooms, ate together, and did activities like any family would do. It was like everyone adopted Molly Blyndeff, a local cosmic brownie and tired kid, and all of them were determined to work together to give her the best childhood she could get. Howie Honeyglow and his worker bees helped by building a house just outside the urban side of Sweet Jazz City and a few steps outside the woods and the room arrangement was unusual but bearable. It was… Alright. That day, Sylvie was hosting Molly in his (and Giovanni's) room, with a laptop on her lap and a lot of notebooks and books around, while Giovanni was busy doing his evil deeds.
Just as he finished putting the chicken in the oven to cook dinner, his phone rang.
“Mh?” He pulled his phone out of his pocket and clicked to answer it. “What do they want?”
He posed it close to his ears and his eyes widened at the revelation. It was a plea from his loyal minion, and now cohabitant, Bear Trap!! How tragic! What must have happened to her so important that she didn’t either yell his name or come out of her room? He raised his eyebrows. She needed him and Zora!!! That was a challenge he was up to!
He took a breath as he huffed his chest, stepping outside in the wild to the forest. He knew that it would have been a looooong day.
Zora was a human. Like, she was really strong and yet she was a human. However, she was basically the house’s cat. You found her on the road sickly and in tears so you would feel pity for her, and take her home to nurse her back to health. She would then reveal that it was all a farce and she was a jerk. She would then constantly leave and return only for food, playing and knocking over pots all of this while gifting you dead animals.
Zora herself admitted she wasn’t made for a sedentary life. Sometimes she explored the woods and hunted on her own, or she travelled somewhere where nobody could find her. It became a sort of tradition at that point, and perhaps her way to kill stress too.
Giovanni was now in the middle of the forest. Only him, birds chirping, the smell of wood reaching his nose, and autumn leaves crunching under his feet.
"COWBOY!!" He screamed her codename to show he wasn't a threat. "BEAR TRAP IS CALLING YOU!!"
Not even an answer.
He looked down. No footstep. He narrowed his eyes.
Suspicious…
Giovanni looked around the trees, where Zora usually liked to climb for dramatic effects.
Nothing.
"COM'ON!! WHY ARE YOU EVEN HUNTING FOR!?! Today is chicken night! AND BEFORE YOU SAY ANYTHING, I know that Sylvie is vegan! He just cheated at Uno, so he will eat a different dinner as a punishment!!"
Nobody answered.
He carefully kept walking, looking for any sights of Zora. Then he felt like he stepped on something and gulped, instantly looking down. It seemed like a leash connected to a tree. His eyes darted to its end.
It was connected to another tree, and another tree, and another tree...
And he suddenly found himself upside down swinging like a salami shown off at a fair.
“W-WHAT?!?” He swung around, trying to free himself and look for any enemies at the same time. “BEWARE!! I KNOW HOW TO SWING A BAT AND I AM NOT AFRAID TO USE IT- God I am sounding like Percy, lemme do this better-” he then coughed, and waved a fist. “COME AT ME AND I WILL BECOME YOUR DARKEST MOMENT!!!”
"Did I hear it's chicken night?" Asked an animated voice with a southern accent clapping. "Wonderful!! Was just gettin’ bored!"
He groaned as he saw a smiling Zora coming out from the back of a tree. She booped his nose too hard, making him swing a little harder.
“Great show the one ya just put on, buddy.”
Giovanni almost felt his lunch dance inside his stomach. He gulped, trying to look cool.
“Why, thank you. I knew it was you. I was just playing pretend, of course.”
Zora put a hand on her chin and waved the other faking flattery. “Aww, what a gentleman. Yer truly an actor. So the Bear cub needs me?"
"Yep!” He smiled unconvincingly as he snapped his fingers and waved them up. ”So we don't have time for these buffooneries of yours! LET ME OUT!! Please.”
“If you say so!” Smiled Zora as she reached the leash and ripped it with her bare hands.
Giovanni fell violently in the dirt as she was snickering.
He massaged his forehead as he got up.
“Couldn't you do this nicer, wouldn't you?”
Zora shrugged. "Come on, I’m already being nicer to ya! I killed guys like yew for a living, and now I'm vibing with a guy I cut his arm with! It's progress!"
She then lent him her hand and pulled him back to his feet.
“Com’on, bucko. Bear cub needs us.”
Giovanni and Zora were walking their ways back to the house. Zora was mostly leading the way. She had great memories of the places she explored. She could have used her epithet to use one person or an object as a gnomon to find them following their shadows, but where was the fun in that?
Giovanni started to talk, hating the building up silence in the room.
“Soo… How did the hunt go?”
Zora shrugged.
“Meh. Ah got not a darn thin’.”
“Damn.”
“Yeah… I’m kinda heartbroken about that.” She raised her arms behind her head as she let out a small sign. “Ah actually put in some good effort this week, y’know? It sucks doin’ stuff to not get anything back.”
Giovanni shrugged "I get it." He then walked to her and patted her shoulders. “I bet you will do better next time."
Zora patted his arm as well. "Yer too kind, Potage."
Giovanni smirked. Zora smiled widely back.
"By the way, this place has a lot of booby traps.”
"What."
“Watch your steps, Potage.”
Not even three seconds later, Giovanni was upside down again as Zora fought to hold her laughter. She lost. Giovanni almost cried as his voice cracked like Mera’s bones and Zora’s howling was being heard by the birds in the sky.
"WHY ARE YoU LIKE THIS!?" He shouted.
Zora waved her arms with a wide smile. "IT'S FUN!!"
"I don't understand you!"
"And you don't need to do that! Now let's go!"
She dismantled this trap and dropped him again, this time slightly nicer. After he got up and scratched his back, she tagged him aggressively and started to run home, and he started chasing as well.
Molly and Sylvie were in the latter's room. Molly was sitting on his bed while petting some sheep, and Sylvie was pacing in their room, tapping his foot.
"Where are they?"
"You know how Zora is. She is probably in the woods... Maybe calling her wasn't a good ide-"
She then heard a click. Someone had opened their door.
"Have no fear, Bear Trap!" Announced a proud voice outside.
Giovanni and Zora kicked the door together triumphantly.
Sure, Giovanni had multiple leaves in his hair and was covered in dirt from head to foot, and Zora had her typical impossible-to-read and smug face, but they still looked awesome.
It was all about confidence.
"We reached home safely!" Concluded Giovanni in a glorious pride.
Molly immediately got up and ran to him with a squeak.
"Boss?!? What happened to you?"
"Nothing, Bear Trap." He waved his hands like it was nothing and immediately stared at Zora with narrowed eyes. “Just Zora being annoying."
Molly ran to get Giovanni a towel as he started shaking his head like a metal head at a concert, hoping that the leaves could fall on their own. Sylvie instead walked to Zora to scold her.
"Zora!? Where have you been? Molly was worried sick!"
"Heh, the usual, huntin', walkin’, drinkin’ booze and settin' up some booby traps in the middle of the woods.”
Sylvie blinked. They then slowly turned their head to Giovanni, now rubbing the towel on top of his head and face. They tilted their head as Molly stared at him in concern.
"How many traps specifically made for trick animals have you fallen into?" Asked Sylvie with narrowed eyes.
"Thirteen. One was even a ditch!” He answered like it was something to brag about. “And even my lucky number!"
"And not the first time it happened!" Added Zora amused.
"Really?" Asked the Museum Trio, actually surprised.
Giovanni didn’t remember that either, which was probably worrying in a scenario where your head bumped against the ground many times.
Instead of elaborating, Zora instead sat on one of their beds as she noticed the small board Percy gifted Sylvie for his birthday now had one big block of notes written all over it.
“Ya’ called us to do homework?” Asked Zora raising an eyebrow.
"Exactly." Said Sylvie with pride as he crossed his arms. “Com’on, Molly. Let’s make a quick introduction for these two.”
Molly nodded as Giovanni sat on the floor next to Zora. Zora noticed that he still had a leaf in his hair and used her epithet on it, making Giovanni look like a tall Pikmin. She then threw a glance at Molly, who sat next to her while covering her mouth and muting her snicker.
Sylvie decided to stand instead, walking around and waving his hands to put emphasis over his explanation.
“So, Molly is having an important school project and WE CANNOT FAIL HER! So she and I worked hard on a small idea, and we thought that having extra hands might be useful. Here."
The doctor then pulled something out of his inventory and tossed at Giovanni a ten-page-long list written in Comic Sans font. Giovanni narrowed his eyes as he read the first page.
"Okay. I can respect the whole need to help Molly... but Comic Sans?" Asked Giovanni as he passed the paper to Zora and Molly. "This is the worst font you could pick!”
"Uhm, actually, a study proved that Comic Sans's shapes trick the writers' minds to write more. Plus, it's a dyslexia-friendly font!" Sylvie fixed their glasses up their nose. "But, I would like to translate this in a language you will understand better: Eat my shorts."
Zora let out a snicker as Giovanni scoffed in anger.
Seeing their beef was always funny.
Giovanni then turned his head at Molly. "So, Beartrap, what are your ideas for the project?"
Molly smiled at her boss. "The theme is ‘Origins’, so I thought of something about the theory of the universe's birth, which is why I asked Sylvie for help with the research."
Sylvie proudly nodded as they wielded another copy of the paper he had in his inventory with smug smirk, their glasses shining weirdly, like a villain in an anime.
"So why are Cowboy and I here?" asked Giovanni, following Molly, directed to the living room, where they had more space for the project.
"Well, I will do a pamphlet, which means I will do lots of art, but Ramsey is busy and Mera's headaches are getting worse, so I called you two."
As he heard that, Giovanni snapped his finger and smiled proudly. "I see! Giving a break to the people who need it AND bossing people around TWICE in a row! You are getting better everyday, Bear Trap!"
Molly gave him a little chuckle and a smile.
"Heh," Zora shrugged, following the rest as well, " I’ve nothin' better to do. Count me in."
Molly started writing on small pieces of lined paper the notes she and Sylvie wrote as Giovanni was folding a green bond paper in three parts, and Zora was waiting for the orders while whistling.
"So Bearcub,” Zora started to talk, trying to kill time. “What's yer lil special lottery ticket?"
Molly smiled. "Oh, it's the primordial soup!"
Giovanni raised an eyebrow, trying to recall what he learned at school. "The word was born from soup? Hug, I don't remember this origin story!!"
Sylvie immediately stared at him like he insulated their family. "Because there was no soup!?! You CAN’T be this stupid! It's just the name of the theory!”
Molly immediately started to explain, stopping a possible bicker from happening. "It’s this common theory about the universe's origins, Giovanni.”
She took another piece and paper and kept doing her job as she explained.
“Basically, after the Big Bang, the inorganic matter of the Earth developed into organic matter thanks to an atmosphere much different from the one we are breathing now. So the first creatures were born and then slowly evolved into the creatures we know thanks to thunderstorms and the heat."
"So no soup?" asked Zora with a snicker, then moving her eyes to her fellow co-villain. "I give my respect to Gio then!"
She bowed to him with a tip of her hat as Giovanni scoffed and rolled his eyes.
"Haha. Hilarious,"
Sylvie tried to inform him in their usual way.
"Of course, there was no soup. It was billions of years ago. You can't just put soup on, wait until it gets old, and create life!"
"Not with that attitude!!" Answered Giovanni for no reason except wanting to headbutt him.
"What does it even mean!?" Yelled Sylvie exasperated.
Molly stared at the two, as if to ask them to stop, and the bickering died down, the group now focused on the work.
Giovanni hummed at Molly, impressed. "Anyways… this doesn't sound like something middle schoolers learn. I see you’re also writing a bunch of stuff. You must have nerded out a lot for this."
"Well..." Molly playfully put her hand on the chin. "I thought I could impress the school more… Which means I would get higher grades… Which means that Percy would be proud of me, and get me a gift-"
Giovanni slowly turned his head, carefully listening to his minion's plan as his grin grew wider.
She narrowed her eyes in malice.
"I wanna a Rated 13 game."
Zora and Giovanni immediately cheered like wild animals, still keeping a low volume, they were aware of Molly's misophonia, proud that their little bearcub was becoming a bad boy like them. Molly then passed the little paper sheets she wrote to Giovanni as the project started...
They all laughed and joked. It was a fun time. Giovanni started telling a story about himself and his boys to give a laugh to the others, and Zora did the same, with mixed results. It was nice.
Until something clicked in the criminals’ minds.
One had the power of soup.
One had the power of time.
They both slowly turned their head to the other and shared a knowing glare. The idea of a literal "Primordial Soup" acted like sleeping agents, making them stay extremely quiet.
Zora and Giovanni worked in pure silence for the rest of the project. Giovanni cut the small figures and Zora glued them on the green pamphlet. They did all of that in silence, just like they silently chewed their dinner, just like they silently prepared to go to bed, and silently slept.
The silence was finally broken after twenty hours of suffering.
Ten A.M. of the next day...
Giovanni was microwaving his milk, as Zora was pacing around the kitchen. As the sinlence bacem too lou,d Givoanni took a breath, walked in front of Zora and spoke to her.
"You are thinking about the primordial soup."
"Ah'm thinkin' about the primordial soup."