Chapter Text
Vivid green leaves and shades by the treetops marked the end of spring and the beginning of a new season. It was summer. Everyone’s favorite season. When the bell rang, students poured out through the school door, not worrying about whatever they were leaving behind.
Derek and Cecile watched it all with quiet curiosity, wondering if they had once been just like them. Some of the students ran, others lingered and said goodbye to their friends. Some of them even cried.
It wasn’t the case with Amelia Shepherd. They spotted her hurrying out the door, weaving past the crowd on the steps, determined to catch the first bus out. It was as if she needed to get away from there as fast as possible. Kathleen, on the other hand, didn’t seem to share the same urgency. She stood chatting with a friend, completely unhurried. Liz was placing her school stuff in her bike’s basket, preparing to ride home.
Saint–Clair du Manoir was a school with a strong French tradition, where the Shepherds’ children studied since always. It wasn’t so far from their house in Westchester. Derek himself used to bike home when he was in high school.
“It's finally the last day,” he glanced at his girlfriend, smiling. “I thought that internship was gonna take up all of your time.”
The girl laughed, shifting her gaze away from the school and back to him. They were sitting on a bench beneath a white oak, whose broad canopy stretched majestically in front of the school. Derek used to toss a few baseball pitches with his friends there, before he left the team – before Michael Boetcher’s accident.
“I guess now you'll have more time for me.”
She pressed a soft kiss on his lips.
“I was exhausted too. Finals, internship… Now we’ll have a little more time until…” she trailed off. “You know.”
“Oh! Shepherd! I'm glad I found you here!” someone interrupted.
It was Sylvie Blanchet, French literature teacher. Her light brown hair was always tied back with a colorful headband, which was a detail most students loved to tease her about. That day’s headband was a pink one, matching her t–shirt patterned with small orange hearts. She looked unusually concerned as she approached them.
“I was hoping to speak with one of your sisters, but I had no classes with them. Are you all right? Do you guys need anything? Is there something I can help you with?
Derek frowned, confused. He glanced at Cecile to check if she got what was going on, but she looked just as puzzled.
“I–I’m sorry, madame Blanchet. I don’t…”
“Oh, there's no need to be embarrassed,” she continued gently. “If there's anything I can do for you and your sisters, I'd be glad…”
“For me and my sisters?” he echoed, even more confused.
What could they possibly need help with?
“Yes. I know everything already.”
She used to speak, moving her hands, which made everything feel bigger.
“Sorry, you know what?” he asked, a little uneasy now.
“About your mother’s accident at work.”
“My mother’s… My mom had an accident at work?”
Due to the confusion, the teacher caught his reaction and immediately realized what was happening.
“Madame Blanchet, what happened to my mother?”
“I can't believe she did it again,” she muttered under her breath.
“What do you mean?”
“Your sister didn’t turn in the final assignment and claimed she didn’t have time because your mother had been in an accident at work, that she had broken both her legs and was completely dependent on you guys…”
“Which one of them said that?” Derek asked, though he already had very clear suspicion on the answer.
“Amelia.”
“Of course,” he thought. “Who else?”
“I mean… She sounded so honest. I believed her,” the teacher admitted.
She was feeling so silly.
“I'm sorry, madame Blanchet. Amy…” he didn’t know what to say. “I'll talk to her. I promise she'll turn in the assignment…”
“Today is the last day, and your sister is not one of our best students. She doesn’t exactly have the best grades in class…”
“That means she's going to fail?”
She gave him a small shrug. There's no satisfaction in it.
“Madame Blanchet, Amy will have that assignment on your desk tomorrow. I’ll give you my word. She…”
“It's a very extensive assignment. There's no way she can finish it by tomorrow if she hasn’t even started yet. They’ve had three months to work on it.”
Derek was surprised.
“I was willing to give her the grade she needs. Which wouldn’t have been fair to the other students, but now that I know she was lying…”
“Two days,” Derek asked. “Give us two days and no more. I promise Amy will turn in a perfect assignment.”
“Shepherd, I'm sorry but…”
“Please, madame Blanchet. I promise she'll do it. You have no reason to doubt me.”
And she didn’t. Derek Shepherd had always been one of the best students at that school. He and his sisters had been there since they were very young, and everyone knew, at least in part, about the tragedy their family had endured. That was also the reason why it was so easy to believe any stories the younger Shepherd, Amelia, came up with.
“For you,” she said at last.
Derek breathed, relieved.
“But not one more day,” she added firmly. “I’ll hold off on submitting grades for two days. If Amelia doesn’t bring me that by noon the day after tomorrow, I'll have no choice but to turn everything in, and your sister will fail. I'm sorry.”
“Thank you, madame Blanchet,” Derek said. “I promise you won't regret. She'll turn in the best assignment you’ve ever read.”
“It's important that she makes it, not you, Shepherd.”
“Sure.”
“To assure it, I'll be asking her a few questions, and she'll only receive the grade if she can answer them.”
Derek exchanged a quick glance with Cecile but nodded. Part of him was really considering doing the assignment himself, or at least part of it.
“I promise she'll know.”
The teacher forced a small smile.
“You're a good brother, Derek. She's lucky to have you.”
He smiled, grateful. When the teacher walked away, Derek finally let himself be furious.
“I can't believe Amy did that!”
“Calm down, ma chérie.” Cecile had a French accent.
“Calm down? How am I supposed to calm down when Amy is acting like this?” he stood up abruptly. “I–I… I gotta go home.”
“Now? Why don’t you wait for your mother to get home and handle it?” his girlfriend suggested.
“Mom’s been working all day, Cecile. She…”
He didn’t expect her to fully understand. They had talked about it before.
“I don’t wanna bother you with my problems.”
“Ma chérie, I like it when you talk to me about your problems.”
“This is exactly what I was afraid would happen if I went to Maine,” he muttered, sitting back down.
“I know you don’t see, but your family can live without you, Derrek,” she said gently.
“Like this?”
“It's not like Amélie didn’t do things like this when you're living here.”
He took a deep breath.
“Yeah. I'll go home and make sure she does the assignment.”
“Can't your mother handle it? Really?” Cecile asked again.
They had planned to go out after her shift at school. Her internship was finally easing up now that the semester was ending.
“Mom’s on call tonight. I'm sorry. We can meet later if you…”
“I'm coming with you.”
“Cecile…”
“I will.”
She didn’t want him to say a word. They reached his house within minutes, but Amelia, apparently, hadn’t made it home yet. The house was completely closed, and Lizzie's bike wasn’t out front either.
“Look who finally shows up when no one’s home! Lovebirds.” Mark's voice cut through the quiet street.
He was sitting on a bench in the small park across from the house, tossing a football into the air. Derek crossed the street to meet him.
“Have you seen Amy come home?”
“Nope.”
“Nope for you didn’t see her, or nope for she's not home yet?”
“She’s not home yet,” Mark said.
Then, with a smug grin, he added:
“Hey, guess who's Columbia’s new guy?”
Derek looked at him, curious.
“Me!” He tapped his chest.
“What? They’ve sent out acceptance letters?” Derek asked, turning back toward the house to check on the mailbox.
“I woke up to mine this morning. Gonna take a while to fill out all those forms, but Manhattan, here I come!” he grinned. “Actually… Here we come.”
He was really excited. Even though med school had never been as certain for him as it was for Derek. There was a presumption that he was as good as him for being accepted.
“So?” he asked as Derek came back.
“Nothing. There's nothing for me.”
“What do you mean? Did you check it properly?”
“I checked. There's nothing. I can't believe I didn’t get in.”
“No way,” Mark said. “I mean… No way all the letters would arrive on the same day. If they accepted me…” he paused, frowning. “Maybe it got delivered to the wrong address!”
The idea of going to med school alone was something Mark didn’t even want to consider. It was Derek’s thing. His and Derek's thing. They'd become doctors together.
“It's just a delay. You'll get your acceptance letter. No doubt.”
A kind of beep rang on his watch.
“Football in White Plains starting. You coming?”
“I can't. I need to wait for Amy.”
“Come on, man, I'm telling you. It's a mistake. You'll get your letter.”
“I really need to wait for Amy.”
“You sure?”
Mark knew he wasn’t, but didn’t push it. He left Derek alone with Cecile.
“He's right,” his girlfriend said softly. “It could’ve been a mistake. You'll get your letter too.”
“I hope it's a mistake,” Derek replied, running a hand through his hair. “This is my only chance at staying in New York, Cecile. I put everything on Columbia.”
“You could go back to Bowdoin.”
“I can't go back to Bowdoin. There's nothing I can do there anymore. I mean… I planned everything. Coming back to New York, getting into Columbia med school… That’s what I want.”
“Chérie, it's not your only option. Students’ loans aren’t as bad as you think. Most students do it, actually.”
He didn’t answer. She knew what his point was, so there's no need to say again, and again, and again. The silence made Cecile uneasy.
“Derrek, you got in. Just breathe,” she insisted. “Marrk got in. Of course you did it too. I'm sure you did.”
He didn’t respond. He couldn’t quite accept the idea that Mark might have been accepted, and he hadn’t. Even though it was possible. Why wouldn’t it? The fact that he had majored in biology and biochemistry, while Mark had spent most of his time balancing basketball and flirting between classes at the University of Virginia, a place he never stopped complaining about?
“He's gonna pay full tuition without any financial aid…”
“Don’t think like that.” Cecile interrupted. “And if things don’t work out… You could come with me to France.”
She leaned in, kissing his lips. He responded. When they pulled apart, she smiled at him, as if trying to memorize his face.
Derek touched her cheek, trying not to think about how, in just a few weeks, they wouldn’t be together anymore. She would be going back to France. Her parents had already returned, even before they started their undergraduate years at Bowdoin. They had always known this time was just an extension of something temporary.
“I'm gonna miss you,” he said quietly.
Cecile wasn’t like Mary, his first girlfriend. She was more independent and shared something with him that he had never quite felt with Mary: ambition. As the daughter of two executives working in the US, Cecile had always treated every step in that country – so different from her own – as an opportunity to gather experiences she would carry for the rest of her life. She wanted to be a fashion designer, a career she could absolutely build in New York, but she wanted more. She wanted Europe, she wanted home.
He wanted to. He wanted it all. Everything.
The school bus came to a stop a few houses down from the Shepherds’, and Amelia hopped off, full of energy as always. She walked towards the house at her usual pace, not even glancing at her brother's motorcycle parked. She went inside without noticing him sitting with his girlfriend across the street.
“Here we go…”
“Go easy, chérie.”
When they walked into the house, Amelia had just dropped onto the couch, reaching for the remote control to turn on the TV. Derek snatched it from her hand.
“What the fuc…”
Amelia Shepherd was 8 years old, and the thick dark hair and blue eyes made it obvious to anyone that she and Derek Shepherd were siblings. It came from the smiling man in the photographs scattered around the house. A house filled with memories of a family built on warmth and affection.
“What do you know about mom getting into an accident and breaking both her legs?” Derek asked immediately.
“What? Mom got into an accident…?
Cecile sat down in an armchair, knowing there was nothing she could do but watch. It wasn’t the first time she had seen her boyfriend dealing with his younger sister’s problems.
“Cut the act, Amy! You know exactly what I'm talking about! You lied to madame Blanchet so you wouldn’t have to turn in your final assignment.”
Amelia rolled her eyes.
“It was huge and boring.”
“But without that huge and boring grade, you'll fail!”
“Madame Blanchet is gonna give me the grade anyway. You’d better not worry.”
“She's not anymore.”
“What?!” She shot up from the couch, startled.
“She asked me if mom was okay, and…”
“Oh my god, I don’t believe you…” she jumped to her feet. “Why would you do that, you idiot?!”
“Me?” he shot back. “You lie to your teacher, and somehow this is my fault?” he shook his head. “You have two days to turn that assignment in.”
“I DON’T WANNA DO IT!”
“It's not my problem.”
“You don’t get to boss me around. I'll do it if I want it!”
“You're doing it. Period.”
“I WON'T!”
“YES, YOU ARE!”
“Derrek, calm down,” Cecile said, stepping closer to him.
“You’re always ruining everything! You should stay in Maine forever!”
“Go upstairs and start your assignment.”
“I can't. It's too much. There's no time.”
“It's not my problem, Amy. You won't fail.”
“Derek…”
“YOU MEAN TO TELL ME IT DIDN’T CROSS YOUR MIND FOR EVER A SECOND THAT FAILING MEANS WASTING AN ENTIRE YEAR OF TUITION THAT’S ALREADY BEEN PAID? DON’T YOU SEE HOW HARD MOM WORKS AT THAT DAMN HOSPITAL? LOOK AT ME WHEN I’M TALKING TO YOU!” he yelled, grabbing her arm.
“STOP IT, DEREK! LET ME GO!” Amelia cried.
“Go upstairs and start the damn assignment!”
“I'll do it later,” she said, wiping her face quickly.
“I SAID NOW, AMY!”
“What's going on?” Lizzie's voice came from the doorway as she stepped inside the house.
Neither of her siblings noticed her.
“I SAID LATER!” Amelia shot back, unafraid of her big brother. “I wanna watch this episode of Sailor Moon.”
“There's no damn Sailor Moon for you. You're going upstairs and doing your damn work…”
“What work?” Lizzie asked.
“NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!” Amelia snapped, glaring at her sister. “Give me the remote back, Derek.”
“No.”
“I'm telling mom!”
“You really wanna tell mom something?” he challenged.
Before she could react, he pulled her off the couch and dragged her toward her bedroom, ignoring the way she struggled against him. He was used to handling her like this.
“I HATE YOU! YOU'RE NOT MY DAD!”
“Can someone please explain what's going on?” Lizzie asked again.
Cecile gave her a quick explanation, but then she heard Derek's bedroom door slam shut and hurried upstairs. He needed to calm down.
***
11:23 a.m.
Constance checked the window again, as if she were keeping watch. Everything remained exactly as it was. The Captain’s car was still parked outside, the day was bright and sunny, but perfectly still.
Lunch would be served in a few minutes, and she knew exactly how Beatrice Forbes Montgomery liked things done: everyone was supposed to be seated at the table to have lunch together. Addison Montgomery wasn’t there, though. Constance couldn't even imagine what to answer if Mrs. Montgomery asked about her daughter. Addison had slipped out, once again, without a word.
“Addie! Thank God!”
She burst through the kitchen door, kicking off her brown ankle boots. The rumble of a motorcycle engine faded away as Constance stared at the girl’s disheveled hair. The hair was a shade of auburn, or maybe reddish–brown, no one could ever quite tell, but it had never looked as messy as it did right now.
“Where have you been?” Constance asked, following her down the hallway. “Look at you! Where were you?”
Constance was the housekeeper. Or, at least, she’d stepped into that role once the Montgomerys’ children had grown too old to need a nanny. But deep down, she still takes care of them. Sometimes she didn’t even know why she still worked there. Maybe it was because of how much she cared about Addison and Archer Montgomery. Addison especially.
"I just went for a walk, Constance,” Addison said, moving through the halls on high alert, hoping she wouldn't run into her mother.
"Alone?"
Obviously not.
"You were on that motorcycle again with that boyfriend of yours."
"What boyfriend, Constance? He is not my boyfriend."
She hurried upstairs, relieved that the living room was empty.
"You know exactly what I’m talking about. That boy your mother invited over for dinner with his parents the other night…"
"We are not dating."
"That’s not what your parents think."
"We are not dating,” Addison repeated, stepping into her bedroom.
Finally, she could breathe a sigh of relief. Bizzy wasn't there. No chance of running into her.
"But you were with him, weren't you?" Constance asked, taking a seat on the edge of the bed.
Addison didn't answer. She just started taking off her dirty clothes.
"Addie, you know your mother won't be happy knowing you’re riding around on that boy’s motorcycle…"
"Do you think? I mean… She wants me to date him. She even threw that ridiculous dinner party."
"You know! Because he’s just like you."
"What do you mean like me?"
"He comes here and puts on an act just to please her, but if she ever suspects you two were sneaking around…"
"We’re not,” she stepped into the bathroom.
Constance followed her.
"Don't worry, it won't last forever. I mean… I’ll finally be far away from her supervision. I've told you I’m gonna live far away from here.”
She turned on the shower, letting the hot water hit her shoulders.
"Yale is not my only option."
"I thought you said you liked it there."
"I did. But staying at Yale means staying in Connecticut, and staying in Connecticut means staying near them. I mean… I wanna get as far away from here as possible. Do you think I’d look good with a tan?" she asked, turning off the water for a second to grab the soap.
Constance kept watching her, trying to figure out what she was plotting.
"I’m thinking of somewhere different, you know? Miami, California… What do you think?"
"Have you lost your mind? Your parents would never allow that…"
"They don't have to allow anything! You're coming with me."
"I am?"
"Of course. You think I’d leave you here with them? We can rent a small apartment, get jobs… I’ve even looked up prices in Miami, or maybe Boston…" she went on. "They aren't exactly cheap, but if I get a part-time job, like at a movie theater or something like that, and you do too, we’ll be fine."
"And you think your parents are going to allow you, a Forbes Montgomery, to work at a movie theater to pay for some tiny apartment in Miami or Boston?" Constance asked sarcastically.
"Well, that wouldn't be their business."
"Don't talk like that, Addie. They’re your parents."
"I don't want to owe them a single thing."
She turned off the shower and reached out for the towel that Constance held out for her. She knew she was late for lunch.
"I’ve looked for everything. There are tons of jobs in California too. I’m sure I’ll get into Stanford. And there are actually some pretty affordable apartments in the area."
"Addie… Aren't you the one making the classifieds disappear from your father’s newspapers, right?"
"It’s for a good cause!" she exclaimed, shot back, stepping out of the bathroom.
Constance followed her.
"He said he’s gonna call and complain that his paper keeps arriving incomplete."
"Okay, I’ll stop. I mean… I’ve already got everything I needed anyway. I’m sure it’ll work out. It’ll be the best thing in the world!"
"I’m sure you’ll be the best doctor in the world."
Addison pursed her lips in disagreement.
"Why not?" Constance asked. "Isn't that what you’re studying for?"
"You know I don't wanna be a doctor. Everyone knows that."
"But I thought you’d agreed with your parents when they said…"
"They won’t have anything to do with my life.” Addison interrupted.
That was what she kept telling herself throughout her time at Yale. It wasn't that she hated Yale. She liked it. But she knew exactly what staying there would mean.
She joined her parents and brother in the dining room, where lunch was already set. She was glad Archer had come home for summer break. She felt a little less alone when he was around. At least in that, they had each other. They knew how to grow up in that house.
After lunch, Bizzy and the Captain went to the living room for their usual after-meal liqueur and the same shallow conversations. Addison slipped out unnoticed, staring out at the vibrant garden until Archer appeared at her side. The view from their house was breathtaking in any season. Bizzy had every reason to be proud of it.
“Bizzy mentioned you’re dating that friend of hers’ son.”
“Friend? Since when does Bizzy have friends?” she shot back, not taking her eyes off the view.
“You know she has connections all over the world.”
“That’s not friendship if she has to send expensive gifts to keep people around.”
Archer smirked.
“Wow. Did Yale turn you into a communist?”
That earned a faint smile from her. She glanced at him briefly.
“I mean… You wouldn’t like getting one of those gifts?” he asked.
“I’d rather have real friends.”
Archer rolled his eyes. That clearly wasn’t something he cared about. In that, he was exactly like their parents.
“So… Is this relationship real, or just something Bizzy made up?”
“What do you think?” Addison shot back, her tone dripping with sarcasm.
One thing she had learned growing up a Forbes Montgomery was to answer a question with another one when she didn’t feel like answering.
“Let’s see…” Archer began. “There was the Star Wars guy at school, the guy who groomed horses at the stables, James, our cousin…”
“Absolutely not!” she cut in sharply at the mention of their cousin.
“The guy from the grocery store…” he continued. “You’ve got a track record that doesn’t exactly point to rich, preppy sons of Bizzy’s millionaire friends. And honestly, I always thought that guy was gay.”
“Where did you even get that from?!”
“He rides like a girl at the club!”
“He’s just sensitive.”
“You know what sensitive guys are?” Archer said. “Gay.”
Addison rolled her eyes.
“What do you know about sensitive guys?”
“Addie, he used to shower in a stall in the locker room.”
“Why are you telling me that?”
“You know what they say about guys who shower in stalls?”
“I have absolutely no idea.”
“I mean… Let’s just say they’re not exactly known for satisfying women.”
She blinked, caught off guard, her lips parting slightly in disbelief.
“I cannot believe we’re having this conversation.”
“Hey, I’m just telling you what people say.”
“I’m not interested in knowing that. And I’m definitely not interested in you knowing whether it’s true or not.”
“Ugh.” Archer groaned, immediately getting what she meant. “So, you are seeing him?”
“That’s none of your business,” she said, turning her gaze back to the garden.
It was fair for Archer to doubt it. She had never wanted to call anything a relationship before. Why would this be any different?
“Okay, yeah, I do switch boyfriends every three months,” she admitted, knowing exactly what he thought.
“Three weeks,” Archer corrected.
“But I get bored of men!” she said, turning to him again. “I mean… After a while, you all start to feel the same. But with Edward… It’s different, you know? We think alike about a lot of things. I think this is the first time I’ve ever felt this way…”
“Addie.” Susan’s voice cut in as she approached them. “Your father’s looking for you. He’s waiting in his office.”
She was surprised. What would the Captain want with her? For a brief moment, she wondered if it had something to do with the missing classified ads from the newspapers. Constance had mentioned the complaint.
As she passed through the living room, Bizzy was on the phone. Addison walked into her father's office and found him behind a large wooden desk.
“Have a seat, kitten.” The Captain said, crossing his arms. “I’ve got some news I think you’re going to like.”
“Do I?”
He was smiling, which only made her more curious. The Captain was almost always smiling, but this one felt real. Addison sat down in one of the chairs across from him and watched as he slid a large envelope toward her.
“What’s this?” she asked.
“That…” he said, his smile widening. “That is your future.”
“What do you mean, Captain?”
“Open it.”
She picked up the sealed envelope and tore it open. It was her acceptance letter to Columbia’s Vagelos College of Physicians and Surgeons in New York. She had been almost certain she would get in, and that it would be acceptance that would excite her father the most. There was something special about Columbia. Archer was studying there. The Captain had studied there. So had his father and grandfather. Just like so many people on her mother’s side had gone to Yale.
Columbia and Yale had always been the most predictable paths for her.
“Cool,” she said, flatly.
“Cool?” The Captain repeated, raising an eyebrow.
He had expected more enthusiasm. As one of Columbia’s professors, he had made sure to personally deliver the letter, just to be the first to see her happiness.
“This isn’t just cool, kitten. You got into Columbia’s med school. They train some of the best surgeons on the East Coast!”
“Yeah, but I…”
“You don’t have to worry at all,” he cut her off. “I’ve already taken care of everything.”
She frowned.
“All the paperwork. Enrollment, fees… My assistant has already filled out all the forms. You don’t need to worry about any of that. You’re all set for the fall semester.”
“What? W-what do you mean?” she asked, startled.
“I just wanted to make things easier. It’s all taken care of.”
“But I didn’t ask you to do that!” Addison shot up, outraged.
“I know you didn’t, kitten. But you were gonna have to deal with it anyway, and now you don’t have to.”
She couldn’t believe he had actually done that. At the same time, she absolutely could. It was exactly the kind of thing they did, crossing boundaries like it was nothing.
“Dad, I wasn’t planning on going to Columbia,” she said. “You shouldn’t have done this.”
“What do you mean you weren’t planning on going to Columbia?” He asked, genuinely surprised. “It’s one of the best universities in the country. You were accepted, you’re part of Vagelous…”
“I don’t believe you did that.”
“I’m not saying we’re the best because I work there. It is a great university.”
“I know it is. But I don’t wanna go there.”
“You were planning on staying at Yale?”
“No. I don’t want Columbia, I don’t want Yale…” She already knew it was pointless trying to explain. “You should’ve asked me before enrolling me.”
“But you always loved coming to campus with me.”
“I WAS 7, CAPTAIN! Seriously!” she snapped, her patience gone.
The door opened, and Bizzy walked in, with Constance right behind her. Even though she knew this was a family matter, Constance stayed close, ready, in her own way, to protect Addison. She remained by the doorway as Bizzy stepped inside.
“What’s going on in here? Why all the yelling?”
Addison lowered her head. She shouldn’t have lost control. Losing control was unacceptable for a Forbes Montgomery. They never lost control, not where anyone could see.
“It’s nothing,” the Captain said.
“Why were you yelling?” Bizzy asked, turning to her daughter. “Why are you crying?”
Addison didn’t want to be crying either, but she was exhausted from having her plans crushed over and over again.
“I didn’t want to go to Columbia. You didn’t have the right to do this to me,” she said, looking at her father.
“You were very clear about not wanting to stay at Yale.” Bizzy pointed out.
“But I never said I wanted Columbia.”
She wiped her tears.
“I’m sorry. I thought you’d be happy,” her father said.
Addison pressed her lips together and shook her head. It wasn’t likely he had really thought about her at all.
“Where are you going?” Her mother asked as she moved toward the door.
“I’m going out for a walk.”
“You’re going out like that? Crying?”
“That’s what she cares about?” Addison left the office, with Constance right behind her, and went upstairs to her bedroom.
“Don’t be like this, Addie.”
“I don’t wanna see them ever again!” she snapped.
“Don’t say that. Remember that book I read to you once? You have to look at the bright side…”
“I’m not a child anymore, Constance! I mean… Why can’t anyone understand that? I can think for myself. I can make my own choices. I don’t need anyone telling me what to do!”
“I know you’re not a child. But looking at the bright side isn’t just for children. In this case, for example, you don’t have to worry about anything.”
Addison looked at her like she had to be joking.
“You’re going to one of the best universities in the country…”
“The last thing I wanted was to study somewhere my father is one of my professors. I thought I was finally going to change my life, get away from them for good.”
“Addie, they’re your parents. And you can’t deny they’re giving you an opportunity a lot of people would dream of. Can you imagine how many of your classmates would want to be at your place? Studying without worrying about money… You didn’t even have to deal with the paperwork. You should take advantage of that.”
“But that’s not what I planned!”
“You always plan things you know your parents won’t accept. Did you really think they’d let you move to California the way you wanted?”
“We could’ve just gone, Constance.”
Constance pressed her lips together and shook her head.
“Life is nothing like you think it is, dear. Do you really think it’s easy to live without all of this? Do you think it’s beautiful?” She asked honestly. “You talk about leaving because you’ve never lived any other life. But do you think you’d like sleeping on a mattress that isn’t as soft as this? Not having a house like this? No comfort, no clean clothes ready, no food on the table, having to worry about bills… Would you really trade everything you have for a simpler life?”
“Here we go again…”
“You think your parents are living a lie, but you need a reality check too. I can guarantee you wouldn’t adjust to a different life so easily.”
“I just wish they’d stop interfering in my life.”
Constance didn’t answer.
“I mean… I don’t even know if I want to be a doctor.”
“Oh, dear… Then you need to be careful about what you want, because studying art might not be enough to support the kind of life your parents give you.”
Addison rolled her eyes and fell silent. She hated it when Constance, the one person she truly had, sided with her parents. She lay down, resting her head in Constance’s lap like when she was a child.
***
After dinner, Derek sat quietly on the couch. Kathleen had gone out to meet a friend in the park across the street, while Amelia, still irritated, had been sent back to finish her school assignment. She had been working on it since she got home that afternoon, but now she had to obey not just Derek, but their mother as well. Carolyn Shepherd was supposed to be on shift that night at the hospital where she worked as the head of nurses. But a colleague had asked her to switch shifts with her, and she thought it would be a good idea.
She hadn’t expected to come home to chaos. She had hoped all her kids would be happy to finally be free from school for the summer, but apparently, her younger daughter had other plans for them.
“She’ll get it done, Derek. You know your sister works well under pressure. You don’t worry.”
He pressed his lips and nodded slightly. That wasn’t what was on his mind.
“I’m fine, mom.”
“No, you’re not. I–I don’t know why she acts like this. But you don’t have to get so angry. Next time she does something like that, you come to me, and I’ll handle it.”
“Will you?” he asked quietly, not expecting her to hear.
“What?”
“Nothing, mom.”
“You don’t think I can handle your sister’s problems?”
“I didn’t say that.”
“Derek, I know Amy can be difficult, but she’s very smart.”
“I’m not doubting that,” he was exhausted. “You just need to be a little firmer with her. So she understands she has to respect you.”
“You think your sister doesn’t respect me?” Carolyn asked.
“That’s not it. I mean… She knows you’ll give in. That’s why she acts like that.”
“No. She acts like that because she wants to. She’s always been like that. Defiant… Since she was little.”
“You treat her differently,” he said.
“How?”
“You treat her differently than you treat me and the girls,” he explained. “It’s like you’re always trying to make up for something, or prevent something.”
“You know why. Your sister went through that tragedy, and ever since…”
“She wasn’t the only one.” Derek cut in, turning his attention back to the TV.
He had been there too. But it was like no one remembered. No one ever remembered.
A chill ran through Carolyn, and she frowned. She didn’t want any of her children to suffer. Especially him.
“Honey, I know that affected you too, but…”
“But what?” he asked, turning to face her. “Is Amy the only one who gets to screw up and use the murdered dad as an excuse? I mean… Me, Nancy, Kath, and Lizzie, we never got that. But she does?”
“Your sister is 8!”
“That doesn’t mean you have to excuse everything she does. If you do, she’ll never take responsibility. Ever.”
“I don’t excuse everything she does!”
“Yes, you do.”
“Okay, you’re stressed. You have every right to be.”
“I’m not stressed. I’m tired. I’m exhausted. I’m so damn…”
“I already apologized.” Carolyn interrupted.
She just wanted to end the conversation.
“But you’re not the one who should be apologizing to me. I’m the one always cleaning up Amy’s messes. She screws up, I make her fix it, and less than an hour later, you go upstairs and undo everything I spent all day trying to teach her…”
“Derek, you are not Amelia’s father. I am her mother.”
He took a deep breath. It was the second time someone had said that to him that day.
He nodded. He wasn’t their father, but he was the only man in the house, and he felt like it was his responsibility to take care of his sisters the way his father would have if he were still there.
He stayed quiet, pretending he hadn’t heard the last thing his mother said, and turned his attention back to the news.
“Do you wanna talk about what you’re feeling?” Carolyn asked, knowing his anger wasn’t just about Amelia possibly failing school. “Did you and your girlfriend fight?”
“No.”
“Then what is it? The last time I saw you this worked up, you had just broken up with Mary.”
“This has nothing to do with my relationship.”
“No? Then what does it have to do with?”
“It’s about me, mom. It’s about the world and how it works.”
Carolyn didn’t understand. Derek wasn’t usually this blunt.
“I keep thinking… Why do some people have to work so hard while others don’t have to work at all?” he asked.
“What do you mean?”
“Why do some people have to struggle like we do… While others just live?”
“I still don’t see where you’re going with this.”
“I submitted my application to Columbia the same day Mark did. There were only two differences between us. First: my grades are flawless, his aren’t. Second: he has the money to pay for the entire program without needing any aid, and I don’t. Now Mark got in, and I didn’t. Why does that happen? I mean… Why is it that, in the end, the one with money always wins?”
“They haven’t sent out all the letters yet. I’m sure yours is on the way.”
He shook his head. He wasn’t convinced.
“It feels like my whole life is falling apart,” he admitted. “I don’t wanna go back to Maine, mom. That would ruin everything I planned. I need to stay here, in New York.”
“I know, honey. But you need to be a little patient.”
“And what if they don’t offer me a scholarship?”
“That’s not a problem. We can cover the first years, or take out a student loan…”
“I don’t want you using dad’s insurance money for that.”
“Derek, we’ll do what’s right, okay? We don’t have much, but what we have is enough. And you don’t need to torture yourself over this.”
He thought. He wished he could get a full scholarship, as Nancy had.
“Maine might not be that bad,” he muttered.
Carolyn pressed her lips and moved closer, wrapping her arms around him. She knew he was worrying for nothing. He was a golden boy, a special boy, he always had been. There was no way he wouldn’t get into Columbia. It was unthinkable.