Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

Spock stared at the seam where the monitor met the desk, unable to look his elder self in the eye… his thoughts heavy.

“How is Jim?” Spock Prime asked, his voice filled with emotion even though his face never betrayed him. There was deep concern there.

Finally Spock was able to look himself in the eye. “He survived the transfusion. His cells are stabilizing. Dr. McCoy is optimistic that he will make a full recovery… when he wakes up.”

“Your Jim is young and strong.” A moment of warm affection filled the older Vulcan’s face.

Younger Spock frowned. “You once told me that we shared a friendship that would define us both.”

“I did.” Elder Spock agreed.

“You shared a bond with your James Kirk.”

A hint of surprise crossed the older Vulcan’s face. “You are… correct.”

“Why did you not tell me?”

“I have told you before… you must walk your own path.”

“When did you know?”

“In some way I suppose I always knew… It was when we grew apart that I realized the extent of our connection.”

“I felt him…”

The elder Spock nodded sagely. “You will always feel him… in the back of your mind… even when he is gone.”

“I felt him die.”

Spock Prime nodded again. “I read the report.”

“We were separated… I could not open the door to reach him and he… died. I felt it.”

“In my time I was the one that died… and he restored me.”

“Something broke within me. I felt so much anger and pain… I had to fight! I had to take down my enemy and destroy him for what he did! My mind felt so open and raw… so…” Spock cringed and took deep breaths to re-establish his control. “I do not understand… I felt that way when my mother died, when I felt T’Pring die… but it was not the same.”

“Jim is your friend… your brother.”

Spock nodded and then shook his head. “I feel… vulnerable. I wait for news on his progress but I already know how he is progressing. I can feel his mind… like an echo in the back of my own.”

Elder Spock gave a sort of Vulcan sigh. “What is it you wish to know?”

“Was he your bondmate?”

The elder Spock gave a fond smile and shook his head. “No. We never bonded.”

“Why not?”

“You know I cannot tell you that.”

“You shared a bond with your captain and yet you never bonded with him. What would stop you?”

“There are many things that keep two lives apart… but our souls will always be together. I will carry a part of him until my dying day, young one.”

“You told me my relationship with him will define us… and I felt him die… I felt a bond I did not know I possessed break and it made me do things I did not think myself capable of doing. I did not care about my own self. I did not care about anyone else, only that his death be avenged. I do not understand why this happened! Why do I feel his presence when he is on the other side of San Francisco? Why do I still feel him when I leave the planet? I do not understand. He is my friend… yes, I know that. But… Why is this bond between us? What of Nyota?”

“You ask many questions, Spock.”

“His thoughts are a chaotic presence and make it difficult to find logic.”

“That is not a bad thing.” Amusement filled the elder Vulcan’s face.

“It is difficult to meditate.”

“Try it at his bedside.”

Spock blinked in surprise. “What?”

“It will quiet his mind and yours.” When Spock looked confused his elder counterpart gave him a knowing smirk. “I have spent many hours by my Jim’s bedside.”

“If he is not my bondmate then how will this activity benefit us?”

Spock Prime gave his Vulcan sigh again. “There are more bonds than the ones between mates or family members. Perhaps you should study what sort of bonds existed before Surak. One of them may fit with your experiences.”

“Thank you.” After Spock signed off he entered Kirk’s hospital room and sat down beside the bed. Closing his eyes he took deep breaths to steady two minds instead of just his own.

^.~

It had been a week since the start of Jim’s coma. McCoy flitted in and out of the room, checking on vital signs. “I wish I knew if he was really in there…” McCoy grumbled one morning as he watched Jim’s brain functions waver near flatline.

“He is, Doctor.” Spock stated from where he sat on his ever present chair.

“How do you know? Vulcan mind voodoo?” McCoy raised an eyebrow in his best impression of a Vulcan. There were shadows under the man’s eyes and he looked weary, like he too hadn’t rested properly for the past week.

“Yes… Vulcan mind voodoo.” Spock offered McCoy a reassuring Vulcan smirk.

“I wish I had your confidence…” McCoy sighed and rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand. “I’m going for a little bit. Do you need anything, Spock? You’re here more than I am…”

“Go rest, Doctor. Your human physiology requires sleep more than I do.”

“Of course…” McCoy yawned. “Human weakness…” The doctor reached down and lightly pushed a stray hair back from Jim’s face before squeezing his shoulder. “I’ll be back, kid. Our pointy eared friend is going to look after you.” McCoy gave his captain a fond smile before offering the vestiges to his Vulcan companion. “Contact me if anything happens.”

“I will.” Spock promised as he watched the human leave. When he was alone with Jim he put himself in a light trance to help stabilize both of their minds. Reaching out he touched Jim’s psi points and fell into the meld.

The events he saw he had seen before… they were from another life time from the point of view of his older self. It occurred to him after his first meld that Jim had mind melded with his older self. That was the only logical conclusion for the presence of his memories. An older Jim with brown eyes smiled at him, affection pulsing through the bond at the back of his mind. The other Jim was full of love and affection, Spock was drawn to it like a moth to the flame. But he was looking for something else. “Jim?”

Finally a blue eyed Jim approached and smiled. They sat together on the bridge in comfortable silence. “Is the ship safe?”

“Of course, Jim…” Spock replied. This conversation repeated itself every time he melded with his captain.

“Is my crew safe?”

“There were casualties.” Spock knew the name and position of every crewman they had lost during their battle with Marcus and Khan.

“Are you safe?”

“If I was not safe would I be here?” Spock smiled at his Jim.

“Where are we, Spock? This isn’t really the bridge,”

This was new. Never had Jim questioned their location before. “This is a construct your mind has created. This is where your mind has set our meeting.”

“I can change it, then?”

“Of course.”

In an instant they were sitting at a bar together, alone. There was light music playing from an unknown source but the people were missing. “Interesting choice, Captain.”

“I like bars.” A smile crossed Jim’s face, full of affection that echoed his other self’s.

Spock took in his surroundings, unfamiliar with them.

“Why are you in my mind, Spock? What’s wrong with me?”

Spock blinked and returned his focus to his captain. “You died. Your sacrifice saved us but… you were dead for 10.8 minutes before McCoy put you into cryogenic freezing. We used Khan’s blood to revive you. You have spent the past week in a coma after complete cell regeneration due to the radiation you suffered.”

“A coma…” Jim looked around the room. “I remember dying. You were there… I was afraid but I felt… warm. So now I’m alive?”

“Yes, Captain.”

“My brain function must be… after almost 11 minutes of death… Is that why you’re here, Spock? To fix me?”

Spock looked away. “This connection we share is very chaotic in my mind. I find it difficult to be apart from you. Being near you soothes us both.”

“You’re in love with me!” Jim began to laugh. “No one can resist Jim Kirk’s charm, not even you!” Amusement filled his eyes and Spock realized that Jim was mostly teasing.

But there was truth there. “I have affection for you. Not as strong as my counterpart has for his James Kirk, but…”

“But they were older and practically married.” Jim answered, confused. “At least that’s what I’ve come to believe from what leaked through the meld your older self shared with me. It was… one sided… mostly… until late in life.”

Spock thought on every Jim Kirk he had ever seen… his captain’s elder self and the affection in his eyes when he looked back at his own counterpoint. “Their bond was… special. Rare. It was a warrior bond from a time before Surak.”

“Warrior bond?”

“Ancient Vulcans would mate and have progeny… but they were also warriors. Shield brothers will sometimes form a bond. That bond would be… as strong as the mating bond but more profound. Unlike the mating bond if one dies the other will lose all sanity and destroy the enemy.”

“What happens in a mating bond? If you lose a mate?”

“The surviving spouse is rendered numb and broken. That is why so many that survived my planet’s death were broken. They lost mating bonds or family bonds. But the warrior bond is different… in combat… if one brother dies the other will lose their mind and fight until the enemy is vanquished.’”

“Spock… did you…?”

“I lost control of myself. I had to destroy him… until Nyota suggested that he could be used to bring you back. Only then did my mind return. As you recovered my urge to kill has… lessened. The experience puzzled me. I felt a bond break the moment you died. I asked my elder self about it and he suggested that I research older bonds. That is how I found information on the warrior bond. We call it… T’hy’la. It is very rare… so rare that it has not manifested for over 1800 years. Of course… we are a peaceable people so the need for a warrior bond has not presented itself.”

“Of course…” Jim echoed.

“This is why you could not leave me behind. The bond affects us both. You must be aware of it… you have seen my counterpoint’s mind.”

Jim thought on that… as his memory replayed parts of the meld various Jim Kirks appeared in the bar surrounding them. Many Jims whispered or chuckled Spock’s name. And then there was one, crouched down, holding up his hand in an echo of something familiar. An older Spock held up his hand and they couldn’t quite touch… something separated them. “I have been… and always will be… your friend…” The elder Spock rasped. “Live long and prosper…” As Spock fell the memory ended, elder Jim’s voice called out, “No…” At that moment all Kirks vanished from the bar.

Spock blinked and looked at his own blue eyed Jim.

Jim sighed and nodded, gently laying a hand on Spock’s shoulder. “They shared something… very deep. He… the other Spock… he loved his Jim.” Jim shook his head. “I never… really believed I could… that we’d… It just seemed so hopeless, you know? You HATED me. He told me to trust you but… but you really HATED me. Do you have any idea how insane that is? I’m emotionally overwhelmed by an older version of you… a you who is obviously nostalgic and missed me and yet you… don’t. He tells me to trust you… work with you. Meanwhile I have all these… memories stuck in my head, seeing a different version of myself tease and flirt… die. Do you have any idea how insane that is? Or even how WEIRD that is to see myself with someone else’s eyes and emotions? But it wasn’t me… It was but it wasn’t… He was born in Iowa and had brown eyes. He met his father. His mother was THERE for him. He had a life I never had. He was never… alone. I have a memory of him telling Spock he feared being alone… but that’s all I have ever known… I’ve always been alone.”

Spock nodded. “You are correct… your lives are different. But so is mine. My counterpart’s parents died of old age. Vulcan was not destroyed. Both of our lives have changed, Jim… and yet we are the same. My other self tells me that I have choice. But there are some things I cannot choose. My connection with you is… my destiny… our destiny. He understood that and so he directed me to you. You are not alone, Jim. You will never be alone. Perhaps it is good that we met so young. You are not meant to be alone. We are meant to be shield brothers… our minds are one. Our counterparts did not need this until later in life… but you and I have already lost so much we need this connection. I lost my planet and you lost your parents. What else do we have but each other?”

“You have Nyota…”

“And before her T’Pring.”

Jim made a face. “Who is T’Pring?”

“My intended.”

Jim shook his head. “Intended?”

“My fiancée. We were engaged when we were seven.”

“Does Uhura know about this?”

“T’Pring died on Vulcan… but I never intended to marry her. We were not compatible as bondmates. She made it clear she found me… disagreeable to her senses.”

“So… while you were in Starfleet dating Uhura you were cheating on this T’Pring?”

“It was not cheating. Nyota and I are compatible in ways T’Pring and I were not.”

“You were sleeping with one woman while you were engaged to another! Even I never sank THAT low! Of course I’ve NEVER been engaged… at least I don’t think I ever have…”

“T’Pring did not want me! She is dead. I felt our connection break. It was not as painful as the break from my mother or you, but I felt it! If she had lived I would have declined our bonding when my Time came.”

Jim began giggling and by the time Spock finished his speech he was laughing.

“I do not see the humor in my situation.”

“Gods, Spock… we really are two of a kind!” Jim replied, slapping his friend on the back. “Between the two of us no woman stands a chance.”

“That is inaccurate. As I stated, T’Pring did not want me.”

Jim smiled at Spock, amusement in his eyes. “She couldn’t handle you. You were too much for her.”

“That is not true…” But Spock broke off when he felt a wave of fond affection from his T’hy’la. “Very well… As you say, Jim… She could not handle me.”

“There’s the ol’ warrior bond spirit!” Jim playful smacked Spock on the arm. “Anyone to turn you down would be a complete idiot… I don’t care if she was some super brainiac Vulcan. She was an idiot.”

“You say these things to raise my confidence. I assure you it is not needed.”

“Of course not…” Jim stepped up behind Spock, his hand lightly making contact with the Vulcan’s, sending strong nerve pulses and making them both shiver in delight. “T’hy’la…” The Vulcan word sounded strange on the human’s tongue but Jim’s warm breath on the back of his neck sent shivers back down Spock’s spine. It puddled somewhere in his groin, causing his phallus to unsheathe just a little bit.

And then Spock remembered the exact meaning of the word T’hy’la… Friend… Brother… “Lover.” The word was in his mouth as he pulled out of the meld. It took him a few moments to assess where he was or why he was there. Jim was still in a coma in the bed before him. There was no outward change to the human, unlike his Vulcan companion.

Spock willed his unexpected erection away and retrieved his PADD, opening the file on his research. Scrolling through the information he found the passage he was looking for. It seemed he had glossed over it in his first reading… perhaps from sheer exhaustion.

^.~

“He was never your lover.” Spock stated when his transmission patched him through to his elder self. The knowledge had consumed him all while waiting for McCoy’s return to keep vigil over Jim.

The elder Spock seemed to have no difficulty knowing what his younger counterpart meant. His response was immediate. “That is correct.”

“Why send me to find the information when it did not even apply to you?”

The other Spock suddenly seemed to be very old and very sad. “I assure you, it applies. Young one… there are intimacies beyond physical. Mental… spiritual…”

“In days leading up to battle T’hy’la would touch to align themselves. They became one being in two bodies. That touch was necessary. Our ancestors were physical!”

A sad smile crossed the elder Spock’s lips. “This is a bond that has not been experienced by our people for 1800 years. There are only old texts that tell us what it was. There are many things recorded incorrectly by those who did not experience it for themselves… Those that shared the bond died before it could be recorded. I have found their frequency of touch to be… exaggerated.”

“He touched me during the meld. I felt us align. I felt…” A shiver passed through Spock and the tips of his ears turned green in silent mortification of his loss of control.

The elder stared back at his younger self. Sadness was at war upon his stoic face as he wavered a moment in his own self-control. “I regret that our intimacies were limited to the mental and spiritual. When he took my hand I felt as you do. But I never told him. He never questioned it. Those touches were enough. We never shared pleasure but he loved me… and I him. My human heart belonged to him. Both of us wandered through time with other lovers but my heart always belonged to him.”

“That is very… human.”

“We are half human… our T’hy’la is human.”

Spock sighed and returned his gaze to the seam of the monitor.

“You are still very young. Have you experienced your first Time?”

Spock shook his head, the tips of his ears turning green again.

“Are you prepared for it?”

“Due to my biology I…”

“Prepare for it.”

“With whom? T’Pring is dead. Vulcan is gone. I have not told Nyota because until you informed me I did not think it would happen. Who should I choose?”

The elder Spock offered a small smile. “That is up to you.”

“The responsible thing to do would be to contribute to the repopulation of my species.”

“Have you been tested for viability?”

Spock’s ear tips once again turned green. “I was told I would have to wait for my Time… if it comes.”

“I am sterile. You may wish to help our people but it will be very difficult… more difficult than it was for our mother to conceive us.”

“What am I to do? I should tell Nyota… she would understand.”

“Will she? You ask her to become your bondmate… but will she understand your connection with your T’hy’la?”

“Before Surak those bonds were kept along with mating bonds. The female would understand the connection her mate shared with another warrior.”

“Nyota is not a Vulcan woman. She is human. Will she accept him as a part of you?”

Spock frowned slightly. “Unclear.”

“How old are you? I was thirty five Earth years when my Time came. It took me by surprise.”

Spock blinked and his ears again turned green.

“Are you aware that you blush whenever your Time is mentioned? I would not normally speak of such a thing but since you are my own self I take certain liberties with you.”

Spock blinked. “Thank you for informing me. I am… thirty five Earth years.”

Elder Spock blinked.

Younger Spock blinked back.

The moment passed and the elder averted his eyes. “I am making arrangements to come to Earth…”

“He is making progress.”

Spock Prime refocused on his counterpart. “I find myself torn. I wish to be of assistance and yet I know I cannot interfere…”

“When he awakens he will be pleased to see you.”

“Recovery from death is… rather complicated.”

“I agree.” Spock replied. “But we have made progress. He is aware of his injuries and finds my presence… comforting.”

“He will always find your presence comforting. And he will bring you comfort.”

“Perhaps… but…” Spock began but stopped, frowning a bit.

“Yes?”

“When I was transferred… I was apprehensive.”

“That is understandable.”

“Is it? I was not apprehensive about leaving the Enterprise or leaving Nyota… I was apprehensive about leaving Jim’s side.”

“I was once offered my own ship… but I declined. My place was with Jim, following him.”

“He put me in charge. He told me I was the better captain and that our ship needed me more than it needed him. I obeyed. But… I wish it had been my sacrifice. He is so… human… I am stronger. I could survive harsher environments. His human body could not withstand the radiation. I should have stopped him and taken his place. But I obeyed.” Emotion overwhelmed Spock and he averted his eyes, struggling to keep control. “I obeyed…”

“You may weep, young one. You do not have to be Vulcan with me. We are the same.”

A tear spilled down Spock’s cheek. “I regret not taking his place. I regret obeying his command. I did and now he struggles to live. He DIED for me! And now he may not come back fully… I will lose him.” Spock turned away and wiped the tears from his eyes. “I will lose him… My T’hy’la… the other half of my soul… He will leave me behind. And then what? I will lose my mind with the loss. How did you survive such a thing?”

Elder Spock looked surprised. “How… do you know I have lost my Jim?”

“He is not here with you.”

The elder nodded. “That is… a logical conclusion.”

“He is dead. He must be dead… I look at you and see so much old pain. He has BEEN dead long before you came here.”

“He will always be with me. No matter where I journey… he will be there.”

“But how did you keep from losing your mind when you lost him?”

“I lost my mind, young one. It was painful and humiliating… and there were those that suggested Kolinahr to ease my suffering… but I did not wish to forget or lose what we had. Every day I struggled with my loss… but I understand the pain meant I had lost something that needed to be honored… cherished… and remembered. It meant that I loved him. He made me who I am… the old man you see before you… that was his work. The love I feel… the loss… that was all his. And I would not purge it for anything. Do you understand?”

Mutely Spock nodded, wiping away another tear. “My father would not wish to see me cry like an undisciplined child…”

“It is fortuitous that I am not our father.”

Spock froze a moment, thinking on something. “Pon Farr starts with emotional outbursts such as this…”

Elder Spock laughed, deep and resonating.

The sound shocked Spock and he stared in surprise at his elder self. “I can laugh?”

That just made the elder laugh louder, uninhibited and very un-Vulcan. “Yes… when occasion calls for it… the same for weeping. There is nothing wrong with you for having an emotional outburst. We are half human and humans are emotional. Remember that.”

“Oh...”

Spock Prime finished his laugh and regained control of himself. “I still wish to see him when he has recovered.”

“Understood. I will keep you informed as to his progress.”

“Take care of him.”

Spock nodded. “I will.”

^.~

Jim Kirk stretched, feeling lazy and cooped up in the bed he was confined to. There had been many strange dreams while he was unconscious. As reality began to reassert itself he found it difficult to remember much about them. McCoy was busy poking and prodding him on every inch of his body… and even some internal places.

“Hold still.” McCoy warned, waving something that blinked and hummed.

“Haven’t I been doing that for too long? Man… I’m sore in places I didn’t know I owned.”

Spock took a step closer to his captain, watching the man relax and allow the doctor to work without any complaint as if the Vulcan’s presence pacified him. Taking a few steps away to pretend to be checking on something, he could see Jim begin to squirm and make annoyed noises. Taking a few steps back towards the bed settled the man once again. When McCoy turned away he casually reached down and ran his first two fingers along Jim’s, feeling the delightful shiver that passed through him. Jim seemed to startle at the touch and reflexively tried to catch Spock’s fingers with his own before the Vulcan pulled them away.

“What was that?” Jim whispered.

“What was what?” McCoy asked, returning to the bed in immediate concern.

“Um…” Jim looked between Spock and McCoy, shaking his head. “Nothing… static electricity I guess…”

“I should hope not!” McCoy answered, immediately rescanning Jim’s vitals.

Satisfied that his T’hy’la was in good hands Spock bade his farewells and left Jim in McCoy’s care.

^.~

Spock watched from the doorway. Jim’s hand was held by his elder counterpart. Jim was awake and happy, allowing the other Vulcan to rub their fingers together in a way that made Spock just a little jealous.

“What does it mean?” Jim asked the elder Vulcan.

“What does what mean?” Spock Prime asked almost innocently.

“I feel… strange… like a tingling sensation when either you or Spock touches me. What are you doing?” Jim lifted his hand and watched the Vulcan boldly slide his fingers against his own.

“It is… as humans would use a hug or a kiss.”

“It’s… the Vulcan version of a public display of affection?”

“Yes. Does it bother you?”

“No… it feels nice… really nice. Ok… maybe we should stop. It’s getting to be a little TOO nice. Will it happen whenever I touch a Vulcan?”

“No.”

“Then why you? Why him?”

Elder Spock was silent. “It is not my place to say.”

At that moment Jim noticed Spock lingering in the doorway. “Spock.”

Spock stepped into the room and stood across the bed from his counterpart. “Greetings, Elder.”

“And you.” Spock Prime answered.

“I feel like the belle of the ball… two Spocks at my bedside… You’d think I just woke up from doing something really stupid and life threatening.”

Spock’s face darkened and he stared down at his Jim.

“I’m only teasing…” Jim chuckled. “No need to give me the Vulcan Death Stare.”

“There is no such thing as a Vulcan Death Stare!” Spock insisted.

His counterpart chuckled softly.

Spock focused his Death Stare at his other self. “You are not helping the situation.”

“Laughing relieves the tension.” Spock Prime replied. “Jim… my counterpart was very worried about you. You should not tease him… too much.”

Jim smiled up at the elder version of his first mate. “It’s fun to tease him… I like watching his ears turn green.”

At that moment Spock’s ears turned green.

“Aren’t they adorable?” Jim asked. “I know when they are that color he’s just about ready to pop.”

“Captain!” Spock stated sharply.

“See?” Jim laughed with his eyes full of warm affection.

“James Kirk has a gift.” Spock Prime mused.

“Your ears don’t turn green…” Jim stared up at his Spock’s counterpart.

“There is very little you can say that would surprise or embarrass me. I am old and know you too well. I assure you when I was younger I too blushed.”

“Is that what that is? I didn’t know Vulcans could blush. That never came up in xenobiology.”

“We are half human.”

“Elder… the captain needs his rest if he is to recover fully.”

“Of course… I will return tomorrow.” The elder lightly touched Jim’s fingertips before he smiled and made his goodbyes.

When Jim and Spock were alone Jim raised his fingers to his lips. “It’s a kiss. He kissed me with his fingertips. You…”

“I was relieved at your recovery.”

“Why does it feel like that? With you and him… you both… it feels…” Jim gave up his attempts at explaining it. “Why?”

“We share a connection…”

“Warrior bond.” Jim frowned at his own words, unsure where they came from.

“Yes. It is… a very old kind of bond… one that Vulcans have not experienced in millennia.”

“It’s a connection between shield brothers… when one dies the other goes insane. I… remember?” Jim looked unsure. “You told me… during a meld you told me what it means. You… lost your mind. When I died you… lost it.”

“Yes.”

“But I was brought back.”

“Yes.” Spock reached out and lightly touched Jim’s fingers with his own. “I came back to my senses when they revived you…”

“I’m sorry.”

“You saved us. We are alive as a direct result of your actions.”

Jim took Spock’s hand, threading their fingers together and causing both to shiver for a moment. “Spock… I’m sorry I made you lose control.” Jim’s thumb made soothing circles against Spock’s knuckle. “I seem to do that a lot…”

“Yes… you do.” Jim’s touch caused a feedback loop in the Vulcan’s brain. His own body began to betray him just from his T’hy’la’s gentle touch. This was why T’hy’la were lovers… the sensation was overwhelming. His mind could imagine warm, awkward groping leading to a deeply satisfying rut… something like how he imagined Pon Farr… but with less boiling blood in his veins, driving him out of his mind. “Please… I must…” Spock pulled his hand away and clenched his fists to try and control the sensations that flooded his body. His phallus had unsheathed completely within his pants and he pulled it back in before anyone could notice that it had emerged. It left his pants oily and uncomfortable. How did his elder counterpart survive this without taking his own Jim as a lover? Slowly Spock became aware of the world outside his body… noticed the look on Jim’s face. It was one of concern.

“Does it hurt?”

“No!” Spock replied, shaking his head as if it would help Jim understand. “Far from it…”

“It feels good?”

Spock stared at his human for a long moment, wondering how to answer. Finally he nodded and swallowed hard.

“I should stop…”

“No.” Spock looked horrified at his own reply. “It aligns us. It brings us comfort. I hope we grow used to it over time. Right now it is new.”

“Morning campers…” McCoy entered the room, choosing to ignore how closely his first officer seemed to crowd the bed his captain occupied. “It’s time for a little physical therapy to exercise those atrophied muscles… unless you want your limbs to fall off, Jim.”

“No… I think I’d like to keep them.” Jim answered.

“Then let’s get you up and about.” McCoy pulled off the sheet that covered his captain and set it aside. “Sit up slowly… a little dizziness is to be expected.”

Jim struggled to sit up but it didn’t take him too long. “Wow… the room is spinning.”

“It’s because you’ve been laying there like a corpse for two weeks. Your inner ear doesn’t know what to do with you.” McCoy checked Jim’s vitals. “Ok… slowly lower your legs and try to stand up. Use the bed for support if you need to.”

Jim obeyed, dropping his legs down and then attempting to stand. “Oh… wow… I feel heavy.”

“Muscles forget how to do their job. We’re going to keep doing this until you build up your strength.”

Jim took a step and nearly fell. Strong arms caught him around the waist and set him back on his feet before he had a chance to cry out. Spock took his wrist and pulled his arm around his own shoulders to help support Jim’s weight. Jim started a slow, shuffling walk, using his Vulcan’s support to get them across the room. “I don’t feel it right now…” Jim breathed.

Spock’s supporting arm tightened on his captain’s waist. “The nerve endings are in our fingers.” His answer was soft enough not to carry across the room to McCoy’s ears. “We can touch without it affecting our work.”

“We just can’t hold hands…” Jim lightly giggled as he was escorted to another corner of the room.

“Or have intercourse.” Spock answered.

Jim burst out into a snorting laugh, stopping his progress.

McCoy instantly frowned at them. “Jim, this is SERIOUS! Come back over here. That’s enough exercise for now.”

“Yes… Serious.” Jim chuckled as he shuffled towards the bed. Spock helped him sit down before stepping away. Smiling up at Spock he gave the Vulcan a suggestive wink before returning his attention to McCoy’s probing and prodding.

Spock excused himself hastily.

^.~

“What is it, Spock?” Nyota asked. It had been the first time in weeks she had seen Spock. Spock had been incommunicado while he was keeping vigil at their captain’s bedside.

Within a few hours of Khan’s capture it became clear that Spock was still agitated. His anger had lessened but it had been replaced by a restlessness neither of them could understand. When she asked him about it he couldn’t really answer. “I need… I need… something is missing… I need to… Jim…” The captain’s name came out like a desperate moan, in a tone she had never heard from him.

Putting aside her own needs she suggested that Spock keep vigil over Kirk.

Spock had been surprised at her suggestion as if the idea never occurred to him… but within a few minutes and a “Thank you, Nyota,” he was gone.

Two weeks later he returned but the agitation had been replaced with something introspective.

“What is it?” Nyota asked again, trying to pull her boyfriend out of his head.

Spock blinked and then looked at her. “I cannot find the words I require.”

“Has something happened? He’s alive, isn’t he?”

“He is alive. I find myself… in an awkward position.”

Nyota blinked a few times, confused. “How awkward? Spock? Just TELL me.”

“I share a bond with the captain.”

“Bond?” Nyota shook her head. “What kind of bond?”

“My well-being is linked with his. It is a warrior bond… a bond my people have not experienced since Surak.”

“How is it… awkward?”

Spock could only blink for a long moment. Finally he bowed his head. “In those times we would have a bondmate… but some also had a strong connection to another warrior. When one died the other would lose their mind and defeat the enemy.”

“That’s what you did. I saw you fight… you were… possessed. You were going to kill him.”

Spock nodded and swallowed. “You saw how my people reacted to having their bonds severed. Those were mating bonds and familial bonds. Warrior bonds are different. When they are severed the remaining warrior will fight until they too are killed.”

“I still don’t understand how it is awkward. Vulcans need bonds… you share one with Kirk. Isn’t that a good thing? You will protect him and he will protect you?”

“The bond has a physical aspect to it as well as mental and spiritual.”

“Physical… how?”

“Touch aligns us… keeps us connected. But there is a side effect.”

“Spock why can’t you just TELL me?” Nyota was beginning to get desperate with Spock holding back.

“The sensation is sexual.” Spock stopped and allowed Nyota a moment to think about it before continuing. “Before Surak a male would take a female as a mate… but sometimes he would form a connection with a shield brother. That connection required touch to keep the two minds in sync. The touch had a pleasurable component to it. They would share a bed while they were at war. But I am told that intercourse is not required to maintain the bond… it can be maintained through casual touch but that touch is…” Spock shivered at the memory.

“Are you telling me you wish to maintain a sexual relationship with our captain?” Nyota asked slowly and carefully.

“The word for it is… T’hy’la. It means… friend, brother… lover. But I am told that the lover component need not be physical except through occasional casual touch. T’hy’la can live their entire lifetime never sharing a bed… but it brings us comfort to touch.”

Nyota sighed heavily, rubbing her face. “I can’t… deny you. The bonds you’ll form… after losing your planet how can I deny you any connection that will bring you stability? I know… you need this bond. I can’t deny it’s already there. I saw what it did to you with my own eyes. You’re telling me you need to maintain it with a touch that manifests itself as a sexual sensation. What sort of sexual sensation?”

“The urge for intercourse…”

“Ok… stop… no need to finish that statement.” Nyota gave another deep sigh, trying not to imagine her boyfriend attempting to mount their captain. For a moment she wondered if Kirk had any experience with males… he seemed to prefer the ladies. Could he handle a male Vulcan? Kirk was in for a BIG surprise… No! No, he wasn’t because Spock said this could be maintained through casual touch. But was that really fair to either of them?

“I can’t deny you. I want to… I’m selfish like that but I know… this is something you need. Warrior bond? T’hy’la? This means that he will protect you too, right?”

“That is why he sacrificed himself…” Spock replied. “It was for our crew… but mostly it was for me.”

Nyota reached out and took Spock’s hands in her own. Spock silently noted that the shiver of delight was absent. “I can’t deny you something you need. Just don’t… leave me behind.” Wrapping her arms around him, she held him close. “If you have share a bed with him from time to time… then share it… but then come back to me, alright?” Standing on tip toes she kissed him.

^.~

Jim Kirk shuffled around his apartment. Already he was feeling much better. At least he was able to walk again but not for long. It left him tired. McCoy had prescribed electric muscle stimulants to aid in his recovery. It seemed bodies had a limit as to how quickly they could recover from death from radiation poisoning, freezing and complete cell regeneration followed by two weeks of coma. There was still a long road to recovery ahead of him… but he would do it all again if it meant saving his T’hy’la. Jim smirked at the word as he settled himself down on the couch to read his PADD.

The door chimed.

“Come in…” Jim called and the hiss alerted him when the door opened and shut again. Every molecule in his body seemed to vibrate for a moment and he didn’t have to look up to know who had come in. “Hello, Spock. I was just thinking of you.”

Spock stood at parade rest, staring down at his captain. “I know.”

“Sit. Would you like something to eat or drink?”

“No, thank you.” Spock stiffly sat at the far end of the coach.

Jim set aside his PADD. “What can I do for you?”

“I have spoken to Nyota.”

“How is she?”

“She is well.”

“Good.” Jim grinned in his casual way.

Spock nervously got up from the couch and stepped before Jim, kneeling on the floor before him. “Captain?”

“What is it, Spock?” Jim reached out as if to grab Spock but at the last minute pulled his hand away.

Spock caught the hand and held it in both of his own. Both males paused there for a long moment, as the nervousness and the apprehension washed away, leaving them both relaxed. Spock released Jim’s hand and lightly rubbed their fingers together.

Blue eyes caught brown and Jim gave a nervous smile. “I didn’t realize just how agitated I was until you did that.” With the nervousness gone the side effect began to take over and he shivered slightly. “Ok… it’s… starting to affect me.”

“I spoke to Nyota… about us.”

“Us?” Jim swallowed hard. His pants seemed to be shrinking. “What about us?”

“I told her of our bond… what it means.”

“She’s going to kill me…”

Spock raised an eyebrow. “She is aware of what your death will do to me…”

“No… I didn’t mean that literally… She’s… probably not going to like this…”

“I have her permission.”

It seemed the room freeze. A warm feeling pulsed somewhere in Jim’s groin but all he could do was gape at Spock in surprise while his brain rebooted. “Permission?”

Spock refocused his attention on their fingers, trailing his fingertips against Jim’s palm and then turning over his hand so Jim could reciprocate. The sensation caused him to shiver and whimper. “Yes… permission.”

“Permission to do what exactly?” Jim asked.

Spock bowed his head, his breathing heavy. “Everything… T’hy’la…” Spock leaned forward and kissed Jim’s lips. Never had he kissed anyone aside from Nyota. Jim was hard planes and chin stubble where Nyota was soft and smooth. For a long moment Jim allowed the kiss, opening his mouth to accept a tongue, but when that moment was over his hand gently pushed Spock’s chest. Spock obeyed the silent command and pulled back. “I am sorry.”

“Don’t be… Spock… don’t be sorry… I just… bed?”

Spock got up and helped Jim to his feet, allowing the human to lead the way into the bedroom. They both stood and stared at the piece of furniture as if they couldn’t believe it existed.

Jim quickly undressed, tossing his clothes aside and watched Spock undress with more care. It occurred to him that of all his sexual activity never once had he taken a partner to his own bed… always he had shared their bed. Spock would be the first. Sitting down at the edge he stared at the Vulcan. Vulcan anatomy was still a mystery to him. Spock seemed to be missing at least one vital part. “Where…?”

Spock pulled his eyes away from Jim’s erection and raised an eyebrow. “What?”

“You… are male… right?” Jim asked.

“Vulcan was a desert planet… my species is adapted to high temperatures, low moisture and sand.” Slowly he exposed himself.

“That’s… pretty neat! You keep it inside?” Cautiously he reached out to touch along one of the two ridges. “Oily…”

“Lubrication. It is vital for desert dwellers to conserve moisture.” Spock allowed Jim to explore him. Nyota had been just as fascinated their first time. Star Fleet’s xenobiology did not cover Vulcan reproductive anatomy and humans were curious.

“Where are your… testicles?” Jim looked up, unsure.

“The small of my back. My body temperature is lower than the air of Vulcan.”

Jim’s other hand reached back behind Spock and lightly caressed the spot, causing Spock to grunt.

“I have not yet reached my sexual maturity… they haven’t yet begun producing semen.” Closing his eyes he allowed his T’hy’la to explore, knowing familiarity would be for the best. Something warm and wet engulfed the end of his phallus and he looked down in surprise to see Jim sucking on him. “Jim…” Blue eyes looked up at him and he nearly lost his balance seeing Jim’s pink tongue in sharp contrast with his own green tinged Vulcanhood.

Jim pulled off and kissed the tip, licking his lips. Spock’s flavor wasn’t what he expected. It was pleasant enough. “Where no man has gone before…” A giggle escaped him as he wrapped both arms around Spock’s hips and pulled him down onto the bed. For a moment they were a tangle of limps and bodies before Jim found himself on the bottom with Spock crouched above him. Jim wrapped his arms around Spock’s shoulders and pulled him down so they were flush. Spock’s skin was cooler than his own, his body heavier. Jim had been with many aliens but never a Vulcan. Happily trailing his fingers down Spock’s spine he thought he heard a soft purr as Spock’s hips gave a small experimental thrust.

“Have you ever been with a male partner?” Spock asked suddenly and sat up a bit, careful to keep some of his weight off of Jim.

“No… not really… I don’t think drunken fumbles count. No actual… sex… just hands.”

“Then perhaps this is not the best way to start. I am satisfied without penetration.”

Jim snuggled up against the Vulcan, using a leg to hold him closer as his hands explored Spock’s skin. “You just want to snuggle?”

Spock found one of Jim’s hands with his own and rubbed their fingers together, feeling Jim writhe against him. The human arched his back and moaned, eyes closed. His own body resonated as he pulled the wiggling man closer.

Jim began to move his hips, rubbing their cocks together. “More… more please, more…” Somehow the human managed to gain the upper hand and straddled his Vulcan. Jim Kirk began the slow, casual thrusting that made him so popular among the females, except he was rubbing himself against Spock’s oily organ. “T’hy’la… please.” Jim took Spock in hand and quickly moved to put it someplace hot and tight. Pleased with himself, Jim rocked back, taking it all in.

It took several moments for Spock to realize what Jim had done. From the heat that surrounded him he knew he was inside of Jim. But Jim was still recovering and he was beginning to tire. The look on his face was pure need and exhaustion. Spock rolled them over and took up the movements Jim had started. Nyota had taught him the proper way to make love to a human… what tempos they needed to reach maximum pleasure… the depth of each thrust to make his partner’s cry out in delight. All he learned from Nyota he applied to Jim and watched in awe as the man below him lost control.

“Spock… oh Spock!” Fingernails dragged across the other man’s back.

“Your hand… give me your hand…” Spock requested.

Jim obeyed and felt their connection shiver and burn between them to form something almost solid. Arching his back he finally climaxed, lost in a blinding white moment where he was only vaguely aware of the pulsing from his testicles emptying. “Ashayam… T’hy’la…” The words were exotic and they echoed around his mind space as he fell into oblivion.

^.~

Jim heard voices when he woke. Finding himself naked in his own bed with the blankets pulled up to the chin he was confused. Had he left something on? Rubbing his face to clear the sleep from his mind he got up and padded into his living room to see two Vulcans speaking to each other. Both Spocks stopped in their conversation to stare at the naked Jim Kirk with a sort of hunger in their dark eyes. “Hey… Spocks…” Jim yawned and shuffled into the kitchen to go find some coffee.

The younger Spock came to his rescue, bringing a blanket and wrapping it around his shoulders. “You should be resting.” Where Spock’s thumbs touched Jim’s shoulders a soft buzzing lingered.

Jim bowed his head as his groin twitched. “I’m good.” At that moment the elder Spock entered the kitchen. “Would either of you like coffee? I think I have some tea… somewhere…”

“Tea would be nice.” The elder stated and proceeded to find the exact drawer on the first try.

“How did you know where it was?” Spock asked, suspicion tempering his voice.

“That is where my Jim Kirk kept his tea.” Spock Prime replied in amusement and busied himself to make tea for himself and his counterpart. “Do not worry, young one… I have not intruded upon your territory.”

“Territory?” Jim echoed, unsure. “Since when am I territory?”

“Since my counterpart took you as a lover.” Casually the elder Spock poured hot water and added the tea leaves.

Jim rubbed his face in his hands, realizing that his ass was just a little sore. “Nyota is going to kill me…”

“As I stated before… she is aware of what affect your death will have on me. She will not kill you.” Spock replied.

“I didn’t mean literally… I mean… argh!” Jim cradled his head in his arms at the table.

Spock placed a hand on Jim’s shoulder. “Jim…”

Jim looked up into the dark eyes of his Vulcan lover. “What?”

“You worry needlessly.”

“She is my friend, Spock… and I stole her boyfriend…”

“You did not steal me.” Spock replied tightening his hand on Jim’s shoulder, causing all sorts of delightful tingles. “I am not a possession. She shares.”

Jim returned his head to his arms. “People SAY that but in practice it never actually WORKS! She’s human… she’s bound to be jealous.” At that moment he noticed the warm smile on Spock Prime’s face. “I’m so glad my misery is entertaining for you!”

“When you get to be my age… you find these trivialities are less important. But I am pleased for you both.” The elder Spock sipped his tea.

“Are you going to be pleased for me when I end up getting my ass kicked by my communications officer?”

“None of that matters, James Tiberius Kirk. You have Spock. You have your whole lives ahead of you. Wives and children come and go but what you two have will last beyond this life and into the next.”

“Guess that means I have to stop sleeping around…” Jim yawned and combed his fingers through his hair. Both Spocks stared at him, making him very uncomfortable. “What?”

“I do not expect you to change your behavior. I will need to take a mate… and you… are free to do the same.” Spock informed him.

“But… the women I sleep with… they don’t mean anything. Not like what we have… or what you have with Nyota.” Jim looked from one Vulcan to the other, unsure. “Did I get that wrong?”

Spock Prime shook his head. “My Jim never stopped his ways.”

“But you two weren’t lovers.” Jim replied. “If I’m going to be with Spock I can at least try being faithful to him. If not for his sake then… Nyota’s. She doesn’t deserve to have me give her boyfriend a bunch of STIs.”

Spock blushed.

“I’m clean right now… McCoy checked me before I left the hospital. But I should probably keep it that way, right? I would never do anything that would hurt you or Nyota, Spock. If she is willing to share you it’s the least I can do.”

^.~

Nyota Uhura gradually noticed the change in Spock. It took her a while to see the subtle changes. Every few days Spock would become agitated and leave to be with Kirk. When he returned he was content. During that time she wondered if she could really stand by and watch her boyfriend carry on with another relationship. But over time she grew accustomed to it. For a long time she tried not to think of it… but then she started to notice the changes.

Spock smiled at her… a pure smile she had never seen before with teeth and a soft chuckle to accompany it. There was a light in his eyes. When they made love he suckled her breasts and moaned. In the past their love making had been silent and almost automatic in nature… so the change was noticeable. The first time he really moaned her name she perked up and realized just what sort of affect having a physical relationship with Kirk was having on her boyfriend. From that moment on she kept her eye on him, noticing more human qualities seeping into his usual Vulcan demeanor. And then she saw the effect Spock was having on Kirk.

Kirk stood at attention, his posture rigid and in direct contrast to the Vulcan who relaxed beside him. They walked in sync, their footsteps always one. And when Kirk looked at her and raised an eyebrow she saw a Vulcan in his eyes.

“Are you aware?” Nyota asked Spock one evening. “You have taken some of his mannerisms… and he’s taken some of yours.”

“That is to be expected.” Spock answered.

But it was the silent communication that began to bother Nyota. Kirk somehow acquired a girlfriend in Carol Marcus. The two couples began to double date. Sometimes Nyota wondered if it was an excuse for Spock and Kirk to be on a date together by dragging girlfriends along. And there were moments when the two males would stop talking and just stare at each other for long moments, leaving their girlfriends to make small talk without them until they snapped out of it and rejoined the conversation. What was worse is that one or the other would speak as if they had been having a conversation all along. Once she heard “I agree” from Spock after a long period of silence. The conversation before that had nothing to agree too.

After the fourth date Carol finally asked Nyota what was going on.

“They are linked.” Nyota replied. “It’s… a Vulcan bond that links them. They look like they are having an internal conversation… because they probably are. It’s new… and just a bit unstable. They don’t mean to shut us out.”

Kirk broke eye contact from Spock and giggled softly before he noticed the two women looking at him. “What?”

^.~

Carol decided she couldn’t be with a man who was desperately in love with another man. That’s what she saw when she saw Jim and Spock together… Jim looked at Spock as if the Vulcan created the universe. It was… unfortunate… and poorly timed… and she knew she would always only be second place in Jim Kirk’s heart.

^.~

Jim lay with his head on Spock’s chest, trying to catch his breath. Idly his fingers played with Spock’s chest hair, teasing a copper nipple.

Spock draped an arm around Jim’s sweaty back, breathing in their combined musky scent. Jim’s heat was beginning to lull him into a light meditation.

“I asked Carol to marry me.”

Spock opened one eye and stared down at his T’hy’la. There was sadness coming over their link and he knew what that meant.

“She doesn’t… She said no.” Jim rubbed his face against Spock’s chest. “This monogamy thing is… I thought she liked me… and I haven’t even looked at any other women.”

Guilt flooded their link and Spock wrapped Jim tighter, running his fingers through the human’s hair.

“It’s because of my relationship with you… She didn’t want to share me.” Tears started to form in the corners of Jim’s eyes and he wiped them against Spock. “She’s pregnant. I’m going to be a father but she won’t… I tried to do the right thing, I really did! I wanted to be her husband and a father to our child… but…” Jim broke down and began to sob quietly against his T’hy’la’s chest. “She wants to keep the child and raise it without me… my baby… Spock…”

“She cannot take your child from you.”

“Yeah… but I’m going out to space! They’re rebuilding our ship. And then…”

“The child is a part of you, Ashayam. The connection you share with your child cannot be severed no matter the distance.”

“I’m not Vulcan.” So much hopelessness filled Jim’s face, dampening the light in his eyes.

Spock lightly cupped Jim’s cheek in his hand, guiding the human up for a kiss. “We will find a way. You will know your child.”

Jim relaxed against Spock’s chest again, comforted by his T’hy’la’s conviction. “If it’s a boy… I think David would be a good name. David Marcus-Kirk.”

“We will find a way, Ashayam. Your child will know you.” Spock remembered something Jim had once told him. “You were too much for her. She is an idiot.”

Jim gave a chuckle and then a giggle at Spock’s words. “Gods, I love you, Spock… Never leave me…”

“That would harm us both.” Spock mused, rubbing his lover’s sweat cooled back. Reaching for the blanket he pulled it over them to keep them both warm. “You have me, Jim. You will never be alone… you have me.”

--Fin