Work Text:
It had been a long stressful day for the both of them, but as the sun began to set, Haida and Retsuko decided to end things for the day.
“You’ll get even better if you keep at it.”
“I’ll do my best, but it only gets harder from here on, doesn’t it?”
“You’re finally an amateur guitarist, aren’t you?”
Haida put on his slippers and followed Retsuko towards the entrance hall.
“Aw, come onnn, don’t put more pressure on me…”
“But it’s the truth though, isn’t it?”
The door closed behind them.
“Thanks for today. It was fun.”
“Yeah.”
“Sorry, I had actually planned to take lessons at first… But I just ended up imposing on a friend.”
Upon hearing that word, Haida’s heart started beating faster. Maybe Retsuko did think of him as more than just a coworker after all. For the first time in a long while, he didn’t feel left out or sad because of Retsuko’s actions, but instead, he felt… seen.
“Well, see you.”
Retsuko started walking away, towards the elevator.
Haida’s mind was rushing at that point. He should feel happy about it all. This is what he wanted, right? But there was still… something. A discomfort.
“Retsuko, wait!”
Haida hustled in her direction, worried he might not get there before she got in the elevator.
“What is it, Haida? Did I forget something?”
“No, no, it’s not that… It’s just… Are you really doing this because a friend asked you to play at their wedding?”
Retsuko looked surprised for a moment. Then she forced a smile. The same smile as before.
“Y-Yeah! Like I said, it’s for my friend’s wedding.”
His heart dropped. All the euphoria from before, leaving his body.
“Are… you sure? If we’re friends you can tell me anything, y’know?”
Retsuko kept smiling.
“Seriously, it’s for my friend’s wedding. Don’t worry about it! I know it’s a very unusual thing to ask someone, but I’ll do my best…”
“...”
“At least I have you to help me, right? Thanks again, Haida.”
“Yeah… sorry. Anytime you need another lesson, just give me the word!”
“Will do!”
Retsuko got into the elevator.
Haida went back to his apartment.
Was it… sadness? Anger? Maybe he felt disappointment or regret. Whatever the emotion was, Haida knew one thing, and one thing only: Friends trust each other.
And Retsuko didn’t trust him. She didn’t before, and didn’t now. She never did.
Haida felt like the biggest idiot on earth after realizing that. He let Retsuko trample over him again and again. He waited for her for so long. He worried about her every day. He made sure to be there for her whenever she needed him. And for what? For love?
What kind of love even was that?
Why did he let himself be in this situation to begin with?
Before he could calm down and process his thoughts, however, his alarm started ringing. 16:45. Inui would get there at any moment.
He rushed inside and started cleaning the place, in an anxious hurry.
***
Inui was already near the front gate, when she noticed a familiar face. That girl from Haida’s department. Again.
They nodded at each other. Inui could feel the girl’s uneasiness just from seeing her.
Was she… at Haida’s place?
Anxious thoughts started filling up her mind, but she did her best to stop them.
Maybe it was just a coincidence. Maybe she lived nearby. Maybe she was in Haida's apartment, but they were just friends.
Before she realized, she was already standing in front of his door. She rang the bell.
“Welcome…”
“Thanks for having me.”
She lifted a grocery bag, wearing a proud expression on her face.
“I bought the ingredients!”
Haida let out a faint smile. Something felt… off.
Both went inside. Inui headed towards the kitchen.
“I’m borrowing some fridge space.”
“Okay.”
“I bought some pudding too, so let’s have that for dessert.”
“Thank you.”
She noticed two dirty cups at the sink. The anxious thoughts came back, but again, she did her best to stop them.
Maybe Haida just didn’t bother to wash his cup, and used another one.
But at that point, Inui knew she was lying to herself. Haida was too much of a clean freak to do that. Someone was here before she was, and they had just left.
“What’s wrong?”
Inui snapped back to her usual demeanor.
“Hm? Oh, I was thinking your place is cleaner than I expected. I’ll prepare the food now.”
“U-um, okay…”
***
A while had passed. Inui and Haida were on top of his bed. Haida was playing the bass.
Inui fantasized about this moment before. She expected it. She hoped for it. She wanted to make Haida’s eyes turn away from his instrument, and for them to look at her. Only her.
She got closer.
Haida started playing faster.
She got even closer.
Haida backed off, and played even faster.
Something was definitely off.
“Amazing.”
Haida stopped playing. He was hyperventilating.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. There’s just not enough air in here…”
“...”
“I’m sorry though. Bass isn’t very interesting on its own, is it?”
“Really?”
Maybe he was just insecure? Maybe he was afraid that she wasn’t enjoying herself?
“But I like it.”
Haida made a pained expression.
Then his attention turned elsewhere. He started sniffing the air around them.
“Huh, what is it?”
“Something smells real good. Oh yeah, we have curry, don’t we? Wow, I’m super hungry now, Inui… Wanna go ahead and eat?”
Inui paused for a moment. Guess that wasn’t it.
“You’re right… Let’s eat.”
Both of them went to the living room. Inui sat at the dinner table, while Haida heated up the curry.
“I’m Team Curry on Rice. What about you?”
“Hm… Team Curry and Rice.”
“You don’t say? Roger that.”
“...”
“...”
“Can I use your bathroom?”
“Of course.”
“Thank you.”
Inui got up from her chair. As soon as she left the room, Haida let out a long sigh. The guilt was starting to get to him.
***
Inui stared at herself in the mirror.
Maybe he’s not attracted to me anymore? Maybe I misinterpreted his intentions? Is it my fault that I got my hopes up? Just… Why is this happening to me?
But just before she could spiral further, she noticed it.
A small, pink handkerchief, lying on the rim of the sink. A big “R” embroidered on it.
There was no doubt about it. That girl had been there, just before she was. And whatever caused Haida to act like this, it probably had to do with her too.
***
“Inui, the table’s ready.”
He called out to her.
“I put the curry beside the rice, like you said.”
“...”
“Inui?”
But there was no response.
He started walking toward the bathroom, but saw Inui standing at the entrance, ready to leave.
“I’m going home.”
“What? W-what about the curry?”
“You can have it, Haida. Once it’s cold, you can put it in the fridge and eat it tomorrow.”
Inui walked out the door.
Haida followed.
“Wait, Inui!’
She kept on walking.
“I’m sorry.”
She stopped.
“For what, exactly?”
“...”
She turned around.
“It’s fine, Haida. We can’t control our feelings, so I don’t blame you. I just wish you were honest with me when I got here.”
“Yeah… I’m sorry.”
“I mean, when you started acting distant, I felt hurt and worried. I thought maybe I did something. But when I saw the handkerchief in your bathroom, it made sense, y’know?”
Haida stopped in his tracks.
“Wait, what? What handkerchief?”
“That girl from your department must’ve forgotten it. She was here before, wasn’t she? That’s why you were like that. You like her-”
“No, I don’t.”
Haida moved closer to her.
“I don’t like her. That’s not what I’m apologizing for.”
Inui’s eyebrows furrowed.
“Then, just what are you apologizing for?”
Haida breathed deep down, for a moment.
“I’m sorry for being immature. I’m not ready for a relationship, and even though I knew that deep down, I still let you think I was. I… I led you on. And that was not okay. Not at all.”
He slowly walked towards the ledge of the corridor and crossed his arms, staring at the nightscape.
“...I spent so much time chasing after someone else. Someone who didn’t even care about me. And for a long while, I thought I was okay with the way things were with her… And then you showed up. You’re a wonderful person. You’re pretty. You’re interesting. You care about me. You actually like me. And I thought maybe you could make me forget about her. I thought your love could replace what I always expected from her. But the truth is, you deserve better than being treated like a placeholder. And I’m sorry.”
Haida turned around, as he heard Inui sniffling.
Before he could comfort her, she hugged him. Really tight.
“God. You suck, y’know that?”
She started crying on his shoulder.
“Yeah… I know. I’m sorry.”
***
A while had passed. Inui calmed down. Haida convinced her to get back into the apartment, and at least take some of the curry she made for him.
“Hey, Inui.”
“Yeah?”
“I think it would be best if we stopped talking to each other for a while. I mean, I think I need some time to process all of this. Maybe go to therapy or something.”
“I agree. I think talking to you right now would only make me feel resentful, honestly.”
Haida followed her towards the door.
“But hey, you know what? Maybe in the future we could try becoming friends again.”
Inui turned to face him, and let out a faint, but genuine smile.
“I think I’d like that as well.”
“Great. Take care, okay?”
“You too!”
Inui walked through the door.
As soon as she left, Haida had this weird sensation. He didn’t know what the future held for him anymore, and that was scary. But somehow, this was probably for the better, he thought. Maybe this was the start of a new chapter for him.
A chapter where he could feel happier.