Chapter Text
October 2017 - Virginia Beach, Virginia
I woke up before my alarm went off. I glanced over at Tassy’s side of the bed, but it was empty. She’d been gone for a week. I missed her a lot, but at least she had left Charlie with me. I hated it when both my girls were gone.
I got out of bed, feeling my age. Days like today were always the worst. I jumped in the shower going over the day’s schedule in my head. Breakfast, pick up Tassy from the airport, Nate’s funeral. It certainly wasn’t the way I wanted to spend a Saturday.
I checked on Charlie. She was still asleep, her stuffed bear tucked in her arm. I loved her so much and I wanted to protect her from all the horrors of the world. I knew she would have questions about the funeral today that I would have to answer. I wasn’t going to lie to her. I wondered if there would ever come a day when she and Tassy were going to my funeral. There was always the possibility I wouldn’t live to see her grow up.
Charlie seemed to sense I was watching her. She opened her eyes and sat up.
“Daddy!”
“Good Morning Charlie, how’s my best girl?”
“Good,” she replied, running over to me. I scooped her up in my arms and twirled her around. Hearing her laugh made the day feel a little less heavy.
“We have a lot to do today Charlie,” I told her. We have to pick up Mommy and then we have to go to Nate’s funeral.”
“Yeah, Mommy’s back! Can we have pancakes for breakfast?”
We always have pancakes on Saturdays when I’m home. “Yes, I’ll make you pancakes, but after breakfast we have to get ready to go, okay?
“Okay Daddy,” she said, running off to the bathroom.
I found the dress Tassy wanted Charlie to wear today and pulled out her underwear and tights from the dresser, along with her black patent mary jane shoes.
I heard Charlie’s footsteps running down the stairs to the kitchen. Nothing was going to get done today until I fed my daughter.
“Daddy? Are you coming?” Her little voice carried from the kitchen.
“Be right there,” I responded, as I quickly ran down the stairs.
Charlie helped as always and breakfast was quickly done. “Okay,” I said, do you want to take a shower or a bath?”
I was hoping she’d say shower, but knew she loved taking a bath.
“Can I take a bath in your tub Daddy?” She asked.
“Not yet Charlie. It’s too big for you still. I don’t want you drowning.”
“I know how to swim Daddy. I can use it when I’m bigger, right?”
“Yes, baby girl. I promise.”
I went in Charlie’s bathroom and started running the water, adding the bubbles she loved. She was old enough to take a bath by herself. She wasn’t a baby anymore, and part of me felt slightly sick whenever I had to see her without her clothes on. I left that to Tassy, but in her absence I would suck it up if necessary.
Charlie came running in holding her bathrobe. “No running in the house Charlie,” I told her. “Bath is ready. If you need anything just holler. I’ll be in my room and I’ll check on you if you’re not out in 10 minutes. Got it?”
“Yes Daddy.”
I left her alone, keeping the door slightly open. I had showered before Charlie even woke up, but needed to shave and get dressed. I could hear her talking to her set of rubber ducks as she splashed around. I loved her so much it hurt sometimes. I thought of Nate’s wife and kids, how much they would miss him. I used to want to die on the battlefield doing what I loved the most. Never out of the fight. Tassy always understood that and even though I never wanted to leave her, she would accept it were that my fate. Charlie changed all that. I didn’t want to miss out on raising her, watching her grow up. More importantly I didn’t want her to suffer that kind of loss, grieving for a parent at such a young age. I would be content dying an old man in my bed with Tassy and Charlie by my side.
I looked at myself in the mirror. It had been a very long time since I’d shaved all of my beard off. It would grow back. Charlie bounced into the bedroom still damp from her bath.
“Daddy, what’s wrong with your face?” She asked, a look of horror on hers.
“I had to shave off my beard for the funeral. It’s a sign of respect to our fallen brother,” I told her, my voice taking on a serious tone.
Her little hand slapped against my cheek. “It’s nice and smooth,” she said. “Your face usually tickles.”
I couldn’t help but chuckle. “My hair will grow back Charlie. It will be back to normal soon.”
“Okay,” she said.
“Now go get dressed. I laid everything out on your bed for you. I’ve got to put on my uniform, then I’ll help you with your hair.”
I quickly dressed. I hated wearing my dress uniform. Tassy had ordered the new jacket with the gold stripes on the sleeves to indicate my years of service. I’d been in the navy for twenty years now. Where did the time go?
“Daddy, I need help?” Charlie called out.
I was in her room in a heartbeat. She was fine, just lost in her dress somewhere.
“Let me help you,” I said, pulling the dress off.
“The dress tried to swallow me,” she said.
“I can see that. Let’s do this instead.” I held the dress open and had her step into it. She put her arms through the sleeves and I zipped it up the back.
“Isn’t it pretty Daddy?”
“It is. You look like a princess.” She twirled around. The black velvet dress was from Christmas, but was the only one she had really appropriate for a funeral.
“I need help with my tights too,” Charlie said, holding them up to me.”
I started rolling up one of the legs when she asked, “What’s a funeral Daddy?”
I sighed, knowing she would ask eventually. I wish Tassy was here, she would explain this so much better than me. I had Charlie slip her foot into the tights, as I started rolling up the other leg.
“When someone dies, the people they left behind have a funeral for their loved one. It’s a ceremony honoring their life, a way to say goodbye one last time.”
Charlie nodded. She was so smart, I had no doubt she understood what I said. “Who died?”
“Nate died. He worked on Uncle Jason’s team. He was killed in the line of duty.”
“I’m sorry you’re sad Daddy.”
That got me. I was pissed that Nate got killed. He was a good guy with a wife and kids. He didn’t deserve what he got.
“I know you are baby girl,” I said, helping her pull up the tights. “What do you want to do with your hair?”
“I have a bow,” she said, jumping off the bed and opening the top drawer of her dresser. She pulled out a black velvet bow and handed it to me.
Her hair was long. It was a darker shade of blonde than her mother’s hair. After brushing it out, I swept up part of her hair into a ponytail, letting the rest fall down her back. I fastened the bow over the ponytail.
“Thank you Daddy,” she said. “I’m ready now.”
“Not without your shoes, you aren’t,” I replied.
She scrambled to put her shoes on. “Now I’m ready,” she said, smiling.
“Let’s go then. We’ve got to pick up Mommy. She’ll want to see how pretty you look.”
“I want to see Mommy too. I miss her.”
“I miss her too.”
I parked the truck at one of the lots at the Norfolk airport, helping Charlie out.
“Hold my hand Charlie. There’s a lot people here and I don’t want to lose you.”
She slipped her tiny hand in my rather large one as we made our way to arrivals. Charlie grew tired of standing after a few minutes, so I put her on my shoulders for a better view.
“Mommy, Mommy,” she shouted out once she spotted Tassy heading our way.
I put her down and let her run to her mother. Tassy scooped her up, giving her a big hug. “How’s my girl?” She asked. Charlie started talking incessantly. Tassy just nodded for the most part, letting our little girl talk about the past week. I went over and gave Tassy a quick kiss.
“How was the conference?” I asked.
“Good. My presentation went well. I’m tired though. I’d much rather hang out at home with you guys instead.”
“Me too.” I didn’t want to talk about it now. The guys and I would honor Nate in our own way later after the funeral. It was just something that no one outside the teams really understood.
“Do you have any other luggage? I asked Tassy.
“No, we can go. I hate airports.”
I took the handle of Tassy’s bag and rolled it out the door. Charlie was content being held by her mother for now.
“Charlie, you look so pretty,” Tassy said as she secured her in the booster seat.
“Thank you Mommy. Daddy helped me with my hair.”
“He did a great job. It looks better than mine.”
Charlie laughed. “You look great Babe,” I said. “You know I love it when you wear your hair up.”
Tassy smiled. I could see the sadness in her eyes. “You still see me as the girl from the bar, don’t you?”
“Always, but I have never thought about you as a girl. You’ve always been a woman in my mind.”
She squeezed my hand. Charlie was chattering in the background, as I drove us out of the airport.
The church was filled with mourners. Nate would have one hell of a send off. We made our way down the aisle. I was holding Charlie so she’d have a better view. I greeted Derek and his wife along with the rest of my team. They wouldn’t be my team much longer. I had finally made the decision to step down as Alpha One. Derek deserved it. His kids were older and I had trained him well. I’d be transitioning to Bravo in the coming year. Blackburn, Jason and I had cleared everything with command. I’d be keeping my rank and pay grade. I didn’t care if I was Bravo Two or Bravo Seven. Seniority didn’t count for shit on the battlefield, not when you’re as well trained as we are.
I spied Tassy talking to Mandy. I was glad that drama was over. Alana had asked Jason for a divorce about six months after Charlie was born. I think he was just relieved in some ways. He missed seeing his kids as much, but he and Alana were co-parenting together and Emma and Mikey were doing well. Once the divorce was final, he and Mandy made their secret relationship public. It was good to see him happy in that regard. Mandy understood him and he could lean on her for support when he needed it.
I was watching the two women talk. They were such good friends, but couldn’t have looked more different. Mandy was tall and thin, her black hair hanging just below her shoulders. She was elegant. I had always thought that way about her. She was also a great actress. She always appeared cold, calculating and ruthless when it came to the job. She had to be to do what she did, but she was actually one of the warmest, most kind people I had ever met.
My wife was a good seven inches shorter than Mandy even in heels. Her pale blonde hair hung down to her ass when she wasn’t wearing it piled on top of head. Her dress accentuated her curves. She had never lost all of her baby weight, but I think it made her look even better. She wasn’t fat, just filled out more in all the right places. God, I loved her.
“Daddy, put me down. I want to go see Aunt Mandy,” Charlie said once she turned to see her mother.
“Okay,” I told her placing her on the ground. She ran over to Tassy and Mandy. Mandy leaned down to talk to our daughter. She always spoke to Charlie like an adult, but she lavished attention on her, like she was her own.
Jason approached, shaking my hand. “How you holding up Jase?”
“I’ve been better. This whole thing fucking sucks. Nate should never have gotten shot. I failed him.”
“You didn’t fail him. Those guys shooting from the boat at that distance, you couldn’t have expected they’d hit someone. There wasn’t anything you could do.”
“Tell that to Nate’s wife and kids.”
“They don’t blame you Jason. They knew what Nate signed up for, they knew there was always a possibility.”
“Yeah, but it doesn’t make me feel any better. He was my responsibility.”
I didn’t respond. There really wasn’t anything to say. Jason kept the phone numbers of every man lost in a folder on his phone as a constant reminder of the fortunes of war. He hated adding to that list.
It was time to take our seats. “I’ll see you after,” I told him as I sat down with my team. Tassy and Charlie were a few rows back with Mandy and Lisa.
I hoped this would be the last funeral for awhile, but somehow I knew it wouldn’t be.