Chapter Text
**NEW MESSAGE — peter parker → avengers assemble 🦅**
---
**peter parker** [3:47pm]
hey!! okay so random question but
**peter parker** [3:47pm]
is anyone free saturday
**peter parker** [3:47pm]
like. actually free. not "i'll be there" and then disappear into the vents free
**clint barton** [3:48pm]
i resent that
**clint barton** [3:48pm]
also i'm free
**natasha romanoff** [3:49pm]
I'm free.
**sam wilson** [3:49pm]
yeah what's up kid
**peter parker** [3:50pm]
okay so i was thinking
**peter parker** [3:50pm]
movie night?? in the big common room?? with snacks??
**peter parker** [3:50pm]
i can buy candy i have like $14
**thor odinson** [3:51pm]
YOUNG PETER
**thor odinson** [3:51pm]
THIS IS AN EXCELLENT PROPOSAL
**thor odinson** [3:51pm]
I WILL BRING POPTARTS
**peter parker** [3:51pm]
yes perfect thank you thor
**tony stark** [3:52pm]
I'm not free Saturday
**peter parker** [3:52pm]
mr stark you literally just told friday to clear your saturday this morning i heard you
**tony stark** [3:53pm]
Friday is a liar
**friday** [3:53pm]
I am literally incapable of lying, Boss.
**tony stark** [3:53pm]
et tu, friday
**rhodey** [3:54pm]
I'll be there. Someone has to supervise.
**tony stark** [3:54pm]
fine FINE I'll come
**tony stark** [3:54pm]
but I'm not watching anything with a runtime over two hours
**clint barton** [3:54pm]
that eliminates literally every good movie ever made
**tony stark** [3:55pm]
correct
**sam wilson** [3:55pm]
lmaooo
**peter parker** [3:55pm]
okay so saturday works for most people!!
**peter parker** [3:55pm]
what about steve and bucky
**steve rogers** [3:56pm]
I'm free. Bucky says yes but he also says, and I'm quoting, "if anyone picks a war movie I'm leaving"
**bucky barnes** [3:56pm]
i said what i said
**peter parker** [3:56pm]
noted!! no war movies
**peter parker** [3:57pm]
what about
**peter parker** [3:57pm]
okay this is gonna sound weird but
**peter parker** [3:57pm]
should we invite loki
**peter parker** [3:57pm]
like i know he's got the whole ankle monitor situation going on but he's still in the compound and it seems kind of mean not to
*[seen by 14 people]*
*[no response for 2 minutes]*
**clint barton** [3:59pm]
absolutely not
**natasha romanoff** [3:59pm]
No.
**tony stark** [3:59pm]
hard pass
**thor odinson** [3:59pm]
I appreciate your generous heart, young Peter, but my brother would simply cause problems
**peter parker** [4:00pm]
what KIND of problems
**thor odinson** [4:00pm]
The Loki kind
**peter parker** [4:00pm]
that's not really an answer thor
**loki** [4:01pm]
I can see this entire conversation.
**loki** [4:01pm]
Stark gave me phone privileges. Apparently it is "better than him trying to hack the mainframe again" which I maintain was merely light exploration.
**tony stark** [4:01pm]
it was a FELONY
**loki** [4:02pm]
In any case. I wouldn't come even if invited. I have no interest in whatever pedestrian entertainment you people consume.
**loki** [4:02pm]
What films are being considered.
**peter parker** [4:03pm]
we haven't decided yet!!
**loki** [4:03pm]
Hmm.
**loki** [4:03pm]
I'm not coming.
**peter parker** [4:03pm]
okay
**loki** [4:04pm]
What time.
**clint barton** [4:04pm]
oh my god
**bruce banner** [4:05pm]
sorry just seeing this
**bruce banner** [4:05pm]
movie night sounds nice
**bruce banner** [4:06pm]
I'm free saturday
**bruce banner** [4:06pm]
I do have one question and I want everyone to answer honestly
**sam wilson** [4:06pm]
uh oh
**bruce banner** [4:06pm]
which couch are we using
**tony stark** [4:07pm]
the big sectional why
**bruce banner** [4:07pm]
okay so that's rated for about 4000 pounds of distributed weight which is fine normally but if something happens and the other guy shows up we're looking at like 1400 lbs concentrated in one spot and I just want to make sure structurally—
**peter parker** [4:07pm]
bruce i reinforced that couch myself last month
**bruce banner** [4:08pm]
you did?
**peter parker** [4:08pm]
yeah!! i used the same polymer composite mr stark uses for the suit. it can hold like 12 tons now.
**bruce banner** [4:08pm]
...
**bruce banner** [4:08pm]
peter why did you do that
**peter parker** [4:09pm]
i mean. just in case.
**bruce banner** [4:09pm]
that's
**bruce banner** [4:09pm]
actually really thoughtful thank you
**rhodey** [4:09pm]
kid thought of everything
**tony stark** [4:10pm]
he didn't tell ME he reinforced the couch
**peter parker** [4:10pm]
i was going to tell you!!
**tony stark** [4:10pm]
when
**peter parker** [4:10pm]
...saturday probably
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**NEW MESSAGE — wanda maximoff → vision 💙**
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**wanda** [4:06pm]
did you see the group chat
**vision** [4:06pm]
I did. Peter's movie night proposal.
**vision** [4:07pm]
I have already begun preliminary research.
**wanda** [4:07pm]
of course you have
**wanda** [4:07pm]
okay so here's what I'm thinking
**wanda** [4:07pm]
peter is going to let everyone vote on a movie and it's going to be chaos and tony and clint are going to argue and steve is going to suggest something from 1955 and nothing will get decided
**vision** [4:08pm]
That is. A very accurate projection.
**wanda** [4:08pm]
so we take over
**vision** [4:08pm]
Take over.
**wanda** [4:08pm]
I'll make a separate chat. we organize it ourselves. you pick the movie, I handle the food, we make sure peter actually gets a nice night
**vision** [4:09pm]
I find this plan very agreeable.
**vision** [4:09pm]
I should mention I've already cross-referenced everyone's known film preferences, attention spans, conflict-aversion levels, and snack compatibilities.
**wanda** [4:09pm]
vision
**vision** [4:09pm]
Yes?
**wanda** [4:10pm]
I love you but that's a lot
**vision** [4:10pm]
It's a spreadsheet actually. Would you like to see it.
**wanda** [4:10pm]
yes obviously send it
---
**NEW GROUP — wanda maximoff created "movie night planning"**
*wanda maximoff added vision*
*wanda maximoff added peter parker*
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**wanda** [4:14pm]
okay. we're doing this properly.
**peter parker** [4:14pm]
wait what is this chat
**wanda** [4:15pm]
the real planning chat. the group chat is going to become chaos within the hour. clint will suggest something stupid, tony will veto everything, and steve will not understand the assignment.
**peter parker** [4:15pm]
i mean. yeah that's fair
**vision** [4:15pm]
I've already begun preliminary research on suitable films.
**peter parker** [4:15pm]
vision you were already doing research??
**vision** [4:16pm]
I find it's best to be prepared.
**wanda** [4:16pm]
here's the plan. vision picks the movie. I handle food. peter you handle candy and being excited about everything so people actually want to show up.
**peter parker** [4:16pm]
that's. that's my role? being excited?
**wanda** [4:17pm]
you're very good at it.
**peter parker** [4:17pm]
okay yeah fair
---
**NEW MESSAGE — vision → wanda maximoff 💙**
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**vision** [4:22pm]
My recommendation is *Ocean's Eleven* (2001).
**wanda** [4:23pm]
ooh. tell me why
**vision** [4:23pm]
Runtime of 116 minutes, which is reasonable. Ensemble cast where every character has a distinct role and competency, which means everyone watching will naturally identify with someone different. The heist structure rewards close attention without punishing those who aren't paying full attention.
**vision** [4:24pm]
Also the dialogue is fast and layered enough that Natasha will enjoy it, the interpersonal dynamics are simple enough that Thor will follow it, and there is enough style that Stark won't complain for at least the first forty minutes.
**wanda** [4:24pm]
what about peter
**vision** [4:25pm]
Peter will think every single character is his favorite within the first twenty minutes and will be unable to choose. I find that's a good sign for a film.
**wanda** [4:25pm]
vision that's perfect
**vision** [4:25pm]
I also anticipate Loki will identify strongly with the con artist elements and will not admit this to anyone.
**wanda** [4:26pm]
...we are not telling him that
**vision** [4:26pm]
Agreed. Strategically unwise.
**wanda** [4:27pm]
what about bruce
**vision** [4:27pm]
The film contains no loud unexpected noises in the first act, the color palette is warm and consistent, and the ensemble dynamic is cooperative rather than combative. I believe he will find it soothing.
**wanda** [4:27pm]
vision
**vision** [4:28pm]
Yes?
**wanda** [4:28pm]
you thought about everyone didn't you
**vision** [4:28pm]
I think about everyone.
**wanda** [4:28pm]
...
**wanda** [4:29pm]
okay I need a minute
**vision** [4:29pm]
Take your time.
---
**NEW MESSAGE — wanda maximoff → avengers assemble 🦅**
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**wanda** [4:31pm]
okay everyone! movie has been decided. saturday at 7pm. common room.
**peter parker** [4:31pm]
wait we're watching ocean's eleven??
**wanda** [4:31pm]
yes
**peter parker** [4:31pm]
WANDA THATS PERFECT
**clint barton** [4:32pm]
hold on who decided
**wanda** [4:32pm]
Vision did. Scientifically.
**clint barton** [4:32pm]
....okay that's fair actually
**tony stark** [4:32pm]
runtime?
**wanda** [4:32pm]
116 minutes.
**tony stark** [4:33pm]
hm
**tony stark** [4:33pm]
acceptable
**rhodey** [4:33pm]
Look at that, Tony agreeing to something.
**tony stark** [4:33pm]
don't push it
**thor odinson** [4:34pm]
I am unfamiliar with this film. Is it a tale of great battle?
**sam wilson** [4:34pm]
it's a heist movie. eleven guys rob a casino.
**thor odinson** [4:34pm]
EVEN BETTER
**steve rogers** [4:35pm]
Is this the one with George Clooney?
**sam wilson** [4:35pm]
yes steve
**steve rogers** [4:35pm]
I know George Clooney. Well — I know of him. Bucky had a phase.
**bucky barnes** [4:35pm]
i did not have a phase
**steve rogers** [4:36pm]
you had the poster, Buck
**bucky barnes** [4:36pm]
it was ONE poster and it was ironic
**steve rogers** [4:36pm]
you don't know what ironic means
**bucky barnes** [4:36pm]
...
**bucky barnes** [4:37pm]
i'm not doing this right now
**peter parker** [4:37pm]
this is so wholesome i'm going to cry
**bruce banner** [4:37pm]
I've actually never seen it
**bruce banner** [4:38pm]
I was in a remote research facility in 2001 with no television access
**bruce banner** [4:38pm]
and then after that things got. complicated.
**sam wilson** [4:38pm]
bruce buddy
**bruce banner** [4:38pm]
I'm fine! I'm looking forward to it actually
**bruce banner** [4:39pm]
is it loud
**peter parker** [4:39pm]
not really!! it's more like. smooth? if that makes sense for a movie
**bruce banner** [4:39pm]
that actually makes complete sense thank you peter
**natasha romanoff** [4:39pm]
What's the snack situation.
**wanda** [4:40pm]
I'm making things. Don't worry about it.
**natasha romanoff** [4:40pm]
What things.
**wanda** [4:40pm]
things, Natasha.
**peter parker** [4:40pm]
I'm buying candy!! I have $14
**tony stark** [4:41pm]
peter I will give you money
**peter parker** [4:41pm]
mr stark you don't have to—
**tony stark** [4:41pm]
friday transfer $50 to peter's account
**friday** [4:41pm]
Done.
**peter parker** [4:41pm]
MR STARK
**tony stark** [4:42pm]
get good candy. not those weird fruit ones clint likes.
**clint barton** [4:42pm]
runts are a PERFECT candy and i won't hear otherwise
**natasha romanoff** [4:42pm]
They taste like soap.
**clint barton** [4:42pm]
they taste like FRUIT natasha
**natasha romanoff** [4:42pm]
Debatable.
**bruce banner** [4:43pm]
can you get those little chocolate covered pretzels
**peter parker** [4:43pm]
absolutely yes already adding them to the list
**bruce banner** [4:43pm]
thank you
**bruce banner** [4:43pm]
sorry for having a request
**peter parker** [4:43pm]
bruce why are you apologizing for wanting pretzels
**bruce banner** [4:44pm]
force of habit
**sam wilson** [4:44pm]
we're getting you the pretzels bruce. no further discussion.
**rhodey** [4:44pm]
unanimous vote for bruce's pretzels
**steve rogers** [4:44pm]
seconded
**thor odinson** [4:44pm]
THE PRETZELS SHALL BE OBTAINED
**bruce banner** [4:45pm]
...
**bruce banner** [4:45pm]
okay thank you everyone
**bruce banner** [4:45pm]
this is a lot but in a good way
**peter parker** [4:46pm]
also should I get microwave popcorn or like real popcorn
**vision** [4:46pm]
Real popcorn. The microwave variety contains a compound that—
**tony stark** [4:46pm]
don't finish that sentence I eat microwave popcorn every day
**vision** [4:47pm]
I was going to say it contains a compound that, while technically fine in moderation, produces an inferior flavor profile.
**tony stark** [4:47pm]
oh
**tony stark** [4:47pm]
yeah get the real kind
---
**NEW MESSAGE — peter parker → wanda maximoff**
---
**peter** [4:48pm]
hey wanda
**peter** [4:48pm]
did you and vision plan all of this before you posted in the group chat
**wanda** [4:49pm]
What do you mean?
**peter** [4:49pm]
the movie was already decided. you already knew the snack plan. you made a whole separate chat.
**peter** [4:49pm]
friday told me.
**wanda** [4:50pm]
...
**wanda** [4:50pm]
friday is a snitch
**friday** [4:51pm]
I prefer "transparent."
**peter** [4:51pm]
wanda did you organize all of this for me
**wanda** [4:52pm]
I organized it so that it would actually WORK and not turn into everyone arguing for two hours
**wanda** [4:52pm]
the group chat is chaos peter. you know this.
**peter** [4:52pm]
yeah but still
**peter** [4:52pm]
thank you
**wanda** [4:53pm]
don't make it a thing.
**peter** [4:53pm]
I'm making it a thing
**wanda** [4:53pm]
peter
**peter** [4:53pm]
it's a thing. it's so much of a thing. you're the best.
**wanda** [4:54pm]
...
**wanda** [4:54pm]
just get good chocolate for saturday
**peter** [4:54pm]
already on the list 🍫
---
**NEW MESSAGE — loki → peter parker**
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**loki** [5:02pm]
I'm not attending Saturday's gathering.
**peter** [5:03pm]
okay!
**loki** [5:03pm]
I want to be clear that my absence is intentional and not due to any feeling of exclusion.
**peter** [5:03pm]
of course
**loki** [5:04pm]
I simply have no interest in communal activities.
**peter** [5:04pm]
totally understandable
**loki** [5:05pm]
What is this *Ocean's Eleven* film.
**peter** [5:05pm]
heist movie! eleven guys rob three casinos at the same time. incredibly stylish. george clooney is incredible in it.
**loki** [5:06pm]
Hmm.
**loki** [5:06pm]
It sounds pedestrian.
**peter** [5:06pm]
yeah probably
**loki** [5:08pm]
I'm not coming.
**peter** [5:08pm]
yep got it 👍
**loki** [5:09pm]
...The eleven. They're con artists?
**peter** [5:09pm]
the best in the world yeah
**loki** [5:10pm]
I see.
**loki** [5:10pm]
I'm not coming.
**peter** [5:10pm]
see you saturday loki 😊
**loki** [5:12pm]
Insufferable child.