Work Text:
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why would i kiss a boy just to get hurt?
plant a living flower on this dying earth?
these are my questions for the universe
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Shadow really hated his job.
And he knows that you’re immediately chuckling at that. He knows you’re shaking your head and clicking your tongue, a lofty purr falling from your mouth - “Oh, of course! Who doesn’t hate their job?” Well, Shadow wants you to know that you have no idea, no real understanding of the world he’s living in. Of the utter hell that he’s subjected to every day. You have no idea what it looks like.
To work at Starbucks with Sonic the Hedgehog.
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He should probably backtrack a little bit.
Shadow didn’t like most of his coworkers. This was pretty par for the course, as Shadow didn’t really get along easily with anybody. There was Amy, who oozed a sort of natural sweetness that didn’t even compare to the sugary abominations that Shadow had to make every day. He felt like he was supposed to like her, which made him not want to like her. And Blaze, his shift manager, who spoke to him in this sort of condescending tone of voice that made all the quills along his spine stand on end. And Jet, who was brash and rude and just kind of a jerk. None of them compared to Sonic, though. He was a terrible mishmash of all of those traits, and then some.
Sonic smiled way too much. He was courteous in a way that felt fake. He tried to throw his arm around Shadow and act like they were bros, or something. He was constantly spilling ingredients and making a mess. He drove thirty over the speed limit at all times because he, quote, “liked to go fast”. He made jokes towards Shadow that he was pretty sure were thinly veiled insults, but in all honesty, Shadow wasn’t sure if he was smart enough to do something like that. He was also just a very annoyingly vibrant shade of blue (and no, Shadow didn’t care if that was something he had no control over).
According to Blaze, he and Sonic had classes at similar times, so their schedules lined up in a way where every time Shadow worked, the blue asshole was always there too. Shadow called bullshit on that. Clearly, he was cursed. He had evoked the wrath of some old, ancient tomb that was out to strangle him and take his lifeforce.
You probably thought Shadow was being dramatic. He could already hear your cries: “He’s just a hedgehog! He’s just Sonic the Hedgehog! How is one guy terrible enough to make your entire job suck ass?”
And Shadow had an answer to that. A very simple answer to that.
He was. Sort of. Kind of. Attracted to him.
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He liked winter. At this point, Shadow wouldn’t be surprised if you thought that he didn’t have any room in his heart to simply like things. As if every emotion had to be at an intense percent. But he liked winter. It sat there, like a waiting room for the entire world. A moment to rest, to reinvent the kind of person you wanted to be once the frost on the ground thawed. No one expects anything of you in winter. You can just be.
But, as all things happen, March was beginning to dawn. Which meant to the corporate world, spring had officially begun (never mind that spring technically started on March 20th). Once those calendars hit March 1st, it was time to begin advertising everything to do involving spring. Flowers and bees and grass and wind and rainstorms and all that junk. And to a Starbucks worker, that meant tearing down the winter menu, and replacing it with the shiny spring one.
Not that it really mattered. If you knew what to say, you could still order practically anything off the winter menu. Wasn’t like they threw away syrups.
Spring was Sonic’s favorite season. He’d mentioned it offhandedly a few times, and Shadow had remembered it (because of course he had). It lined up with everything that Shadow had pieced together about the guy - he’d probably spew some nonsense at Shadow about how it got him in the mood to refresh himself and start anew or whatever. Whatever.
Whatever.
They were on a shift together, just the two of them, because the universe was just oh-so kind to Shadow the Hedgehog. It was 5:45 PM, and the store was somewhat busy. Most people got their coffee in the mornings, but it wasn’t as though the concept of getting your caffeine intake later in the day was absurd to absolutely everyone. By now, it was mostly college students and those who worked from home, sitting at tables and click-clacking away at their computers as they sipped at their lattes.
Sonic was in a good mood (when was he not). He smiled as he poured drinks, and chatted up customers as he slid the cups along the counter, calling out names with a cheery lilt to his voice. Shadow hated it. He hated how the setting sun’s rays hit the other hedgehog’s quills in a perfect hue. He hated how his blue-furred coworker’s laughter reminded him of that wind chime that Amy used to have outside her apartment, a strange sort of music ringing in the air. He hated how he could look at him, and his insides would completely melt.
It wasn’t fair.
“I will never understand you.”
His roommate had said that to him a few days ago. He’d been lying on their couch, staring up at the ceilings, his eyes laden with exhaustion. Rouge had flopped down next to him, a knowing glint in her aquamarine eyes. Shadow glanced up at her, huffed out an annoyed breath, and rolled his head over to the side. He wanted to avoid her looks. Rouge had continued, paying him no mind.
“Like, I know you’re kind of weird and all, but this is the strangest way I’ve ever seen anyone behave about having a crush.”
“Not a crush,” Shadow mumbled to himself. “I don’t like him. At all. Even just in general. His personality bothers me.”
He heard Rouge laugh. “His personality bothers you? Hun.”
“I hate him.” Shadow echoed.
“Uh-huh.”
“He makes me sick.”
“Sure.”
“Every day my desire to drop-kick him into the display case grows stronger.” Shadow grumbled, finally raising his head to look Rouge in the eye. Rouge chuckled.
“You sound like me when I first figured out I thought Knuckles was hot.” she said dryly. Shadow threw a pillow at her.
Back to the present. They were working. Sonic was charming. And Shadow was over it.
The hours stretched on. The store began to slowly clear out. In the quiet moments when there were no customers, Shadow busied himself with his homework. Midterms would arrive before he knew it, and he needed to be prepared. He wondered, wryly, if Sonic ever studied. Probably not. He probably didn’t have a major. Probably joked about how he was majoring in speed or something dumb like that.
Shadow spared, just for a split second, a tiny moment. He let his eyes wander over to where Sonic stood, chatting with an unfamiliar customer at the counter. He laughed, and his eyes closed from the impact. He leaned his head back a little bit, and Shadow felt his face get hot. He immediately extended his head back down.
He thought to himself that he barely knew Sonic.
He acknowledged that part of him wanted to change that.
Another part was terrified.
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“Hey! Bud!”
They were closing, now. The time was nearing 9:30 PM, and Shadow was desperate to get back to his apartment. He needed his space. He needed quiet. He needed to lie on his bed and scroll on his phone and stare at the ceiling and not think about anything at all. But he had so much work to do. Studying. Papers. All of that sort. And he’d been putting it off for much too long, which was very much unlike him. And there was the applications for the internship, and he had to -
“Dude. Are you listening to me? Hello?”
Shadow felt his thoughts pop, one by one, and he tensed up as he realized that Sonic was staring at him with an expectant look on his face. Shadow adjusted himself, a frown returning to his face.
“What,” he said, phrasing it more like a statement then a question. “I’m trying to lock up.”
“And I’m trying to give you something.” Sonic huffed back. Shadow’s gaze slipped downwards, his eyes narrowing at the cup that Sonic was grasping with his gloved paws.
“You can throw things away yourself, faker.”
“No, I - oh my God -” Sonic threw up his hands in exasperation. “It’s for you. Coffee. Well, not actually - it’s a chai latte. I noticed how you’re always asking Amy to make them for you, so I assumed that was your favorite. I’m not as good as her, but - well, you looked like you had a lot of work to do, ‘cause you were writing a lot in between customers, and - okay, you know what? I’m rambling.” Sonic took in a deep breath, then shined one of his annoying smiles. “I made you a drink. You’re welcome. Now we can lock up.”
Shadow blinked.
Sonic shoved the drink into Shadow’s own paws, and Shadow felt his eyes travel up to stare at his coworker’s face. There was the smallest hint of red embarrassment present on his face, which was enough for Shadow’s own cheeks to want to twin with his. He fought it, as hard as he could muster. He realized, eventually, that he should probably say something.
“Why?”
Was what he ended up choking out. Sonic paused, and shrugged aimlessly.
“‘Cause you’re my friend?” he said. “Do I need a reason?”
Unsure of what he should say or do, Shadow shook his head. Sonic grinned.
“Cool.”
And that was that.
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The chai latte was good.
Not as good as Amy’s.
But good.
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He’d figured out he was attracted to Sonic about a month ago. He’d had a dream. Shadow couldn’t remember the dream very well anymore - just vague wisps of what he might’ve been picturing. It was all very fuzzy, and very foreign, and very strange.
Shadow knew that he’d dreamed of Sonic. That he’d just been…just been there. Holding him, and talking to him, in a voice that was his voice but also wasn’t. In a way that was low, and coy, and different. In a way that made him feel like his skin was on fire. A way that made him feel like arms were being wrapped around him, so tight but so warm, screaming out over and over and over again I’m not letting go. I’m never gonna let you go.
Was that what he wanted? He didn’t know. But it’d happened. Dreams don’t come from nowhere. There were scientific reasons behind why you dreamed what you did. Which meant he’d been thinking of that. Somewhere - deep down - he’d wanted that, so much to the point where his subconscious wanted to explore it deeper. And he’d woken up, his breaths coming out in short pants, his eyes laden down from the unabashed longing that he’d been storing in his gaze.
And he knew. He knew what he wanted.
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“You can’t do that, Sonic.”
There was that to acknowledge, too.
It was a week or so later, since what Shadow had labeled in his mind as the chai latte incident. It was 3:04 PM, and he had a shift with Sonic and Amy. He’d just gotten out of a particularly draining lecture, and all he wanted was to go home. But that wasn’t possible.
“Can’t do what?” Sonic replied, innocently staring at Amy. The pink-furred hedgehog rolled her eyes.
“You know what I mean,” she said, in that quick, snappy way that usually got people to immediately lock themselves into whatever she was saying. “You can’t just make someone a peppermint mocha.”
“Why not?”
“Because it’s March, you idiot.” Amy reminded him. “Do you see peppermint mocha listed on the signs anywhere?”
“Well, no, but -”
“Exactly.”
Sonic groaned, and flopped his arms over the counter. “Jeez, Ames. Why do you have to be such a buzzkill? We have the stuff! Why can’t I just make it for them anyways? It’s not a big deal.”
“Because - because - because -”
“Because, because, because,” Sonic echoed in a mocking tone. Amy narrowed her eyebrows.
“I will get my hammer from the back and smack you, Sonic the Hedgehog, if you don’t shut up and start taking orders.” Amy said, shaking her head. Sonic sighed, then shot Amy a cheeky wink.
“I know you love me, Ames.”
“Uh huh. Right.” Amy frowned at him, before her face softened slightly. “Just do your job.”
“Aye aye, ma’am.” Sonic responded cheerfully. Amy gave him another look, before heading towards the back of the store (perhaps to get the aforementioned hammer). Sonic caught Shadow’s eye, who’d been watching the whole scene play out, a funny feeling in the pit of his stomach.
“She’s the worst, isn’t she?” Sonic said, chuckling a little. “Nah, I’m just saying that. Amy’s great. She can be such a stickler, though.”
Shadow nodded, not having anything to add. He looked away.
Yeah. There was that. They did their song-and-dance, and Shadow watched.
That was how it worked.
He didn’t really care.
He wondered if they’d kissed before. He wondered if Sonic liked how she kissed. Shadow wondered if the way he kissed would be different from Amy, or if it’d be sort of the same.
He’d probably never find out.
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Sonic did it again, a couple of days later. A teenager asked for some cranberry thing, and Sonic happily made it for them (even though it was definitely not on the menu).
He’d caught Sonic’s eye as he’d done it, and looked at him cheekily. “You won’t say anything, will ya?” Shadow crossed his arms, but shook his head. His coworker pumped a fist up and down. “Great! It’s a good thing you’re not Amy.”
“Whatever.” Shadow muttered.
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It’s a good thing you’re not Amy.
It’s a good thing you’re not Amy.
You’re not Amy.
You’re not.
You’re not…
Fuck.
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“Hey, Shadow!”
Shadow didn’t smile a lot. Not for any particular reason. It wasn’t as though he was sad or angry all the time. He just wasn’t big on smiling.
There was one person, though, that would always get one out of him.
“Maria?”
A look of surprise quickly formed on Shadow’s face, and the tiniest of smiles wormed their way up to his mouth. Maria, his sister, was standing in front of him, her eyes positively shining. Her blonde hair was pulled back into a ponytail, and she had on a backpack, which led Shadow to believe that she was on her way to school. He raised an eyebrow at her.
“What are you doing here?”
Maria shrugged. “I wanted Starbucks, and I wanted to see you. Is that so odd?”
“I guess not.” Shadow replied. “What do you want?”
Maria rolled her eyes. “What do you want, he says. No, ‘hey, Maria, I missed you so much! Hey, Maria, I’m sorry that I’m never home! Hey, Maria, my bestest, most awesomest sister ever -’”
“Okay, okay.” Shadow interrupted, holding up his hands to quiet her down. “Hi, Maria. I missed you. I’ll come home soon. I’ve been busy. Do you want a drink? I am working, you know.”
Maria grinned, before listing off some absurdly complicated order that she’d probably found on social media. She chattered aimlessly the entire time that Shadow went through the motions of making her drink, mentioning clubs and friends and their grandfather in one speedy breath. Shadow listened, occasionally chiming in with a wry comment. Eventually, he finished the drink, and handed it over to her. Maria took a sip, then waved both her hands at Shadow.
“I gotta go, or I’ll be late for first period. Bye, Shadow! See you!”
“Bye,” Shadow said softly.
He watched her go, a warm fondness curling in his stomach. The moment didn’t last, though, because it was immediately interrupted by Sonic’s biting voice.
“Wow. Shadow knows how to smile.”
Shadow rolled his eyes. “Very funny, hedgehog.”
“No, I’m serious!” Sonic dashed up to stand beside Shadow, abandoning his previous post against the wall. “I thought you had some kind of, like, medical condition where you could only be sad and grumpy. This is life changing. This is breaking news. I have to know the secret. How do you manage it? How do you make it happen? How do I make it happen -”
“I need you to shut up right now.” Shadow hissed. Sonic did not care.
“And you have a sister! I had no idea! You never talk about your personal life, do you? You know, I have a little brother. We could’ve been bonding this whole time! What the heck, Shadow?”
“Why are you so goddamn annoying?” Shadow asked, groaning. “Do you have an off switch?”
“And he can make jokes too?” Sonic said, eyes sparkling. “I’m learning so much today.”
“I’m done with this conversation,” Shadow announced, walking away from the counter. “We have work to do. A line is forming.”
Sonic opened his mouth as if he was going to protest again, but then stopped. He tilted his head down, and then chuckled softly. “Yeah, okay. Whatever.”
Against his will, Shadow felt his face grow warm again. Stupid. Terrible. He could picture Rouge laughing in the corner of his vision. Something within him twisted, and he turned to look at Sonic.
“You didn’t ask,” he muttered quietly. Sonic looked up, surprised.
“Huh?”
“You didn’t…” Shadow gestured with his paws. “...about her being human.”
“Oh.”
The sentence seemed to stump Sonic. He tilted his head to the side, leaning over the side of the cash register. “Did you want me to? Or…”
“No.” Shadow said quickly. “I just…I expected you to.”
Sonic paused, biting down on his lip as if he was thinking incredibly hard about what he wanted to say. The sight was amusing. And it brought those warm feelings back to Shadow’s insides. He shifted between his two feet.
“Well, Tails - that’s the brother I mentioned earlier - he’s a fox. So…I’m not really in any place to judge. And, I guess…because of that, it didn’t strike me as odd.” He blinked. “But, if you want to talk about it, I don’t mind listen -”
“I don’t want to talk about it.” Shadow said. Sonic stopped, then nodded.
“Okay.”
And that was that.
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Sonic made Shadow another chai latte a couple of days later. Something about how he “looked like he needed it” and “we’re friends, and I like doing things for my friends”. Shadow didn’t try to protest. He took it, and he didn’t smile, but he could tell that Sonic was pleased.
Blaze was working too, that day. She shot Shadow a look that he couldn’t read. She then turned her attention to Sonic, who just shrugged.
“I hope you know what you’re getting yourself into,” Shadow heard her whisper to him as they cleaned up that night, clearly not meant for his ears. Sonic said something back that he couldn’t make out.
Shadow wanted to wonder about it. But he didn’t let himself.
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Someone had given Sonic his phone number (Shadow was pretty sure it was Amy, but he didn’t have any concrete proof). Regardless, he was going to explode, because he kept sending him dumb memes and he didn’t have the patience for it because he had a paper due at midnight and Sonic was just being an asshole.
He couldn’t help himself from picking up his phone every time it buzzed, though. So maybe this was on him.
Shadow tried to express this dilemma to Rouge, who just giggled at him.
“You want him,” she said, batting her eyelashes in a cartoonish fashion. “Hun, you’re hopin’ that one of the times you pick it up, it’ll be some long paragraph detailing how badly he needs you, and that this has all been a ploy for him to get to know you better, and then for him to get into your -”
Shadow left the room. His phone promptly buzzed again.
7:56 PM
blue asshole
Hey look at this
https://www.instagram.com/p/CNjpDJUnKiZ/
It renind me of u
You
stop texting me.
blue asshole
But its so 🥺🥺🥺 youcore 🥺🥺🥺
You
i hate you.
blue asshole
Nooooo u dont
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“Hey, Shadow? Can you do me, like, a huge favor?”
He was always a little surprised whenever Amy approached him for a conversation. They were kind of friends, sure - but in the way that Amy was able to make friends with anyone. The point still stood that he didn’t even like her that much. But she was more tolerable than Sonic or Blaze or Jet.
And there she was, big green eyes gazing expectantly at Shadow, as he restocked their cups in the back of the store. He grumbled a noise that he hoped signaled to her that he was listening. It must’ve worked, because she took that as an opportunity to begin rattling off a spiel that she’d clearly been practicing in her head for a while.
“Okay, so, I was wondering if you could maybe sort of take over my shift tomorrow morning if you’re free by any chance because um well haha it’s kind of crazy but I’m actually going on a date and that’s like a big deal to me but it ended up happening kind of last minute and by last minute I mean literally last night and if you can’t that’s okay and I totally understand but you’re the only one who could do it and I -”
“I’ll cover for you.” Shadow said quickly, hoping that it’d be enough to stop her nervous rambling. Amy stopped, and a big smile formed on her face.
“Really? Oh my goodness, thank you, Shadow! I really, really appreciate it, like, so much! I totally owe you one.”
“Don’t worry about it,” Shadow said in reply, his attention turning back to stacking the cups. “You and Sonic have fun, or whatever.”
He was facing away from Amy, so he wasn’t able to see the way the other hedgehog’s mouth dropped open as he said those words. A confused laugh burst from Amy, and he paused, unsure of why she was reacting the way she was.
“Uh. Um.” Amy coughed. “Me and - me and Sonic? Shadow, you didn’t think that…”
A long, awkward beat of silence. Shadow felt his fur flush. Amy’s face went very red.
“Yes,” Shadow finally said. “I. Uh. I did.”
“Oh! Well, we’re not.” Amy said very, very quickly. “Not at all. No way. Well - okay, ages ago, back in high school…Ididkindofhaveamassivecrushonhim.” She spit out, as if she was deathly embarrassed by the very concept of having once liked Sonic (faintly, Shadow wondered what that made him). “But I’m way over that. Plus, I’m pretty sure he’s. Ah. Not really that into women. So! It wouldn’t have worked out anyway. But, no, I’m actually going out with this girl named Surge - she’s so hot, oh my god, and we’re gonna go skating and get dinner and it’s going to literally be the best date ever I can hardly wait! But yeah. Uh. Sonic and I are not dating.”
Shadow just kind of nodded at her. He might have said something, might have muttered out some lack-luster response to her bursts of eccentricity. He couldn’t remember. All Shadow could focus on was one sentence that Amy had said.
“I’m pretty sure he’s…not really that into women.”
Okay.
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It was nighttime, and Shadow couldn’t sleep.
This was pretty abnormal for him. Usually, his day completely knocked him out. By the time that he’d reached those sweet, sweet hours where he could drift off, he was completely ready for them. That wasn’t happening to him tonight, though. He laid on top of his mattress, rolling over onto different sides, his gaze fixated on the ceiling above him. Various thoughts circled through his head - thoughts that were populated with the faces of the people that had cemented themselves into his life. Shocks of pink and blue and purple and lavender, big eyes and kind smiles and people who are never what he thinks they’re going to be. His sister, laughing quietly. His heart stings in his throat, if such a sensation is even possible.
Shadow goes outside.
The apartment building that he and Rouge resided in had a staircase that led to the the roof of the building, that was seemingly always unlocked. There was a little garden up there. It was in desperate need of someone to tend to it. He passed it as he entered the area, eyes narrowing at the dying weeds. It was the kind of thing that Sonic would want to fix, even though he was sure the idiot didn’t know anything about taking care of plants.
He sat there, for a while, staring up at the sky. The moon was bright that night, but there weren’t many stars out. Or maybe the city lights were just obscuring their glow. Shadow raised a gloved hand up, as if he was trying to grasp the glowing shapes in the sky. It was always hard to believe that these things that appeared so insignificant were so powerful - far, far away.
“Holy anime protagonist.”
Shadow blinked, startled by the sound of another voice. His hand dropped immediately, but his body relaxed as Rouge took a seat next to him. She gave him a once-over, then laughed.
“I had a feeling I’d find you up here.”
“How’d you know I wasn’t asleep?” Shadow grumbled.
“I heard you leave,” Rouge drawled. “You’re not as sneaky as you think you are.”
Shadow didn’t say anything. He turned his head away from her. Rouge continued looking at him, her eyes moving down to watch as she twiddled with her own thumbs. Finally, she went back to trying to get it out of him.
“I’ve never seen you be so affected by a guy before,” Rouge said, almost a little breathless. “What makes him so different?”
She probably expected some smart comeback out of Shadow. But the black hedgehog didn’t have one. He just continued to sit in his silence, eyes dark and far-off.
Rouge was Shadow’s best friend. He wasn’t good at letting in a lot of people. But she was there, as close as anyone except maybe Maria had ever gotten to get. And “friend” was a label that Shadow still had trouble with, but he had learned to embrace it.
Now…
“I think,” Shadow said softly. “He wants. To try.”
And that makes all the difference.
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Shadow was supposed to work with Sonic today. But the blue faker had called out sick, so he was stuck with the second-biggest prick in the staff - Jet.
After the idiot hawk had spilled three orders on the ground and forgotten to give a very angry looking lady back her change, Shadow was practically begging to see Sonic’s face again.
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“You have a job.”
Shadow gave Blaze an unamused look. The purple cat had stalked up to him, a stern glare on her face that signaled he was in for a real treat.
“This is true.” he muttered. Blaze crossed her arms.
“Uh huh. That’s not what I meant.” She cocked her head to the side. “I want you to go check on Sonic.”
Shadow’s eyebrows shot up in horror. On his other side, Amy let out a tiny giggle.
“What. Why.”
“Because I’m getting worried about him. That guy is never sick.”
“He probably just ate too many chili dogs.” Shadow countered.
Amy nodded, then continued in a joking tone. “He finally discovered that there is a limit…”
Blaze rolled her eyes at the both of them. “I don’t think that’s it.”
“If you’re so worried, you go check on him.” Shadow grumbled.
“I have work to do,” Blaze said. “You get off in ten. I’m basically your manager - plus, you’re his favorite.”
“Wh- gh - I am not his favorite,” Shadow sputtered. “Where did you get that from?”
“Shadow, you so are his favorite.” Amy teased, all teeth. Blaze threw her hands up in the air.
“Whatever! Check on him, don’t check on him, I don’t care. I’m going to restock inventory.”
Blaze lifted her head, and walked away, leaving a very amused Amy and a red-faced, bewildered Shadow. He turned to her, a truth dawning on him.
“I don’t know where he fucking lives,” Shadow reminded her. Amy’s grin became wry.
“You’re talkin’ to the right girl, Shad.”
˚₊‧❀‧₊˚
3:24 PM
You
hey.
i’m outside your place.
can i come in.
blue asshole
WAT
hghioahSBKJSNBS
Hello
What
You
i’m outside your door.
blue asshole
Why
Why are u outside my door
You
you’re sick.
i’m checking on you.
may i come in?
blue asshole
Sure i guess????????????
What the hell
Yeah the doors unlocked
Sonic lived in an apartment building that was a few blocks away from Shadow and Rouge’s place. Shadow felt like an idiot, standing at his door and looking around. He probably should’ve warned him that he was coming. It would’ve even made more sense to get the address from him, instead of Amy. But he was here now.
Slowly, Shadow turned the knob to the door, stepping inside of Sonic’s apartment. He wasn’t sure what he was expecting - to be immediately assaulted with neon colors, maybe. But it was a small, plain-looking place. Not a lot of furniture, or decorations on the walls. His eyes focused on three framed pictures on the counter - one of Sonic and a small fox (his brother, Shadow assumed), and one with the two of them and someone Shadow actually did recognize - Knuckles. Rouge’s boyfriend. The three of them all had their arms around each other, and they looked like they were sharing the funniest inside joke in the entire world. Shadow stared at it, shocked. He had no idea that Knuckles was so close with Sonic. The last one looked like a selfie of Sonic and Amy - a younger Sonic and Amy. From the way she looked at him with utter adoration, Shadow sensed that this was perhaps back in their high school days. Shadow looked away from that one very quickly.
“You're just gonna snoop on my stuff, huh?”
Shadow’s quills bristled as he heard Sonic’s voice. He looked up, then froze, surprised at the sight of the other hedgehog’s physical state.
He looked awful. Sonic’s fur looked ragged and matted, his green eyes almost bloodshot. His posture was much more slanted than usual, and his bright blue fur somehow seemed as though it looked duller. If that was even possible. Shadow just stared at him.
“What happened to you?” Shadow eventually said. Sonic blinked, before letting out a weak chuckle.
“Oh, nothing! Nothing crazy. I’m totally fine.” His words came out low and raspy, and Shadow could immediately sense that his throat must be killing him. “Just have a little cold.”
“A little cold.” Shadow scoffed. “You look like you’ve been to hell and back. Are you resting appropriately?”
“…yeeeessss?” Sonic replied. Shadow huffed.
“Go lie down,” he muttered. “I’m going to make you something. Where do you keep your tea bags?”
“Uh…”
“Whatever. I’ll find them.”
“Shadow, you can’t just barge into my house and -“
“Sonic.”
The two had begun taking steps towards each other, eventually ending so close that their noses could almost touch. Realizing too late, Shadow took a step back. Sonic’s face was unreadable to him.
Shadow breathed in. Then breathed out.
“Let yourself be taken care of,” he finally said. “Let…let me take care of you.”
Sonic didn’t say anything. His mouth was open a little, obviously gaping at Shadow’s request. It made sense. This was not a normal thing for him to say. And yet, it’d been forced out of him.
I want you to be okay.
I want to make you okay.
Dazed, Sonic nodded.
“Uh - alright.”
˚₊‧❀‧₊˚
Sonic laid down on the couch, and Shadow made him tea. Chai, like the ones he made so often for Shadow, but without the ice and the milk, and with added honey and lemon. Good for a sore throat.
He sat the mug down on the table beside the couch, eyes not leaving Sonic’s sleepy body. The blue hedgehog sat up, and slowly began to drink from it. Shadow looked down.
“Thanks for caring about me, Shadow.” he murmured. Shadow huffed.
“I only came because Blaze was worried,” he said, lying. “I don’t miss you.”
Sonic snorted.
“Faker.”
He patted the spot beside him, and Sonic found himself taking it.
“Do you get sick a lot?” Sonic asked. “You don’t seem like the type.”
Shadow shook his head. “No. I don’t. Maria, though…she must’ve lost the genetic lottery, or something, because it seems like she was always coming down with a cold, or whatever. So I took care of her a lot.”
Sonic was quiet after that. Then, he smiled a little. “That’s nice. A you-and-me-against-the-world kind of thing? That’s what it seems like, whenever you talk about her.”
“She’s my sister.” Shadow said plainly.
Sonic nodded. After a moment, he continued onward. “I don’t really get sick, either. That’s why this whole thing was so weird. But it makes sense. There’s been…a lot, recently. I’ve…my head’s not been working clearly.”
They were quiet, then. Just sitting. Existing. Sonic’s face red from his fever. Shadow’s, from something else entirely.
“It’s been a lot for me too, lately,” Shadow finally said.
Sonic rolled his head back, then shot Shadow a cheeky grin. “Oh, yeah? How so?”
He didn’t take the bait. Shadow shrugged, then looked upwards. “I think I’m going to quit.”
“Quit? What, the ol’ job at ‘bucks?”
“Please never say it like that again. But…yes. I’ve been thinking on it for some time now.” Shadow said softly. He hadn’t really talked about this with anyone yet, save for the few offhand comments he’d made to Rouge. “I’ve never liked it there. Never really been a…Starbucks kind of person, you know? I only applied because it was close and I was desperate. But there’s an internship I’m looking at for the summer, and if I get it…” Shadow swallowed. “...I’m quitting.”
“Ah. Well, that makes sense,” Sonic said, the teasing lilt not fully evaporated from his voice. “I mean, it’s nobody’s ambition to be a minimum wage barista forever. That’s the plan, then? After you graduate? Internships and whatnot?”
“I guess,” Shadow responded. He was…well. He had no idea what to prepare him for, when visiting a sickly Sonic the Hedgehog. But it was almost as if his heightened immune system had mellowed him out. He hadn’t ever expected to talk about these things with him. “To…get a good job, and be able to move to somewhere nicer one day, and to be able to get Maria through college. That’s the goal. For now.”
Sonic nodded.
Quiet, after that.
Shadow stared downwards.
“You?” he finally said.
“Huh?”
“You. What do you want to do? After you graduate.”
“Oh!” His green eyes began to blaze, as much as they could in the state he was in. “Well, I want to go everywhere. See everything. I wanna explore! I wanna travel! I wanna keep running until I can’t go anywhere else. I wanna stand at the edge of the world and scream out that I made it. I want to see pictures of places I’ve only seen on TV, and in books. I want the wind in my fur, and the feeling of adventure pulsing through me.”
“That’s not very realistic.” Shadow grumbled. Sonic shrugged.
“Sure it is. You just have to not be afraid to dream.”
Shadow clicked his tongue.
For what it was worth - he liked Sonic’s dream. He wondered how Sonic would feel with someone running beside him, two identical grins as they disappeared like a bullet into the sky’s shining blue expanse.
“You have dreams - right, Shadow?”
He was staring at Shadow now, really staring, and he couldn’t bear it anymore. He had dreams, alright. Dreams that he didn’t speak out loud, dreams that stayed firmly notched in tight-knight corners of his mind because he’d never be ready for them to be broadcast. He wasn’t like Sonic. He didn’t just do things because he felt like it, didn’t break apart from the line that everyone else drew together in the sand. That wasn’t what he was supposed to do. He was on a different operating plane from Sonic. They didn’t work the same.
But he dreamed.
Oh, he dreamed.
He dreamed every night, almost. His dreams were blue, always blue, thousands upon thousands of different shades all exploding into fireworks that dazzled his half-shut eyes. Cobalt and cerulean and indigo and cornflower, and so many others that he didn’t have the words for. There was blue, and he was there, emerald eyes in the middle, his grin saying that he’d be there. He wraps his arms around Shadow, in those dreams, and he is home. His mouth is open, and it’s good. It’s not like anything that he feels in living - it’s not like anything in the real world. It’s not like an iced chai latte or rust from a spoon or the pressed leaves of a clover or the wax on a lit candle, slowly sliding down, down, down until it hits the table. It’s something unreal, something that he can’t grasp, can’t taste. Because it’s in front of him, it’s always in front of him, and he can never grab it. He’s never been able to do that.
But dreams are just your desires, playing on loop in the back of your mind.
Sonic shifts beside him. His face is warm.
Shadow thinks his eyes are one of the prettiest things he’s ever seen in his life.
He’s scared.
But he’s looking at him, and he’s getting closer, and maybe it’s all going to be okay. Maybe it’ll find a way to work itself out. Maybe he can reach out his hand, and it’ll come into contact with something that is real.
Because if he wanted this, and he felt like he did, then there was no reason to not let it happen, right?
The door opens.
It’s like someone lit a fire between the two hedgehogs, and Sonic and Shadow immediately retreat from the position they’d scooted themselves into. Sonic returns to lying down, suddenly becoming very interested in his chai. Shadow stands up, and moves exactly two steps away from the couch.
“Uh - am I interrupting something?”
A fox boy - Tails - is in the doorway, a bag full of groceries in his hands. He shoves the bag on the counter, then raises an eyebrow at Shadow. “Do I know you?”
“Um. No. I. Um.” Shadow shook his head, trying to get a hold of himself. “I’m Shadow. I work with your - your brother. Manager sent me to check up on him.”
At the mention of his name, Tails’ mouth drops open. He looks over at Sonic, who is pointedly trying to not engage in the conversation.
“That’s Shadow?” Tails said, eyes wide. “That guy?”
“Tails -”
“No, no. You need to explain to me how you -”
“Tails, I really don’t want to do this right now -”
“Well I do!”
Shadow shifted on his paws, uncomfortable. “Okay. Um. Well. Sonic, I think I’m going to leave now.”
“No, Shad, you don’t have to -“ Instantly, Sonic dissolved into a violent fit of coughing. Shadow tipped his head to the side, sort of amused, sort of concerned. “Yeah. Okay. Go, or whatever. Thanks for…the tea, and…yeah.”
Shadow nodded, stiffly. “Right.”
The black hedgehog made his way to the doorway, not before turning around and giving Sonic the faintest of smiles.
“Feel better, faker.”
Shadow didn’t know it, but as soon as he exited the apartment, Tails was going to be subjected to a very long ramble.
˚₊‧❀‧₊˚
They were well through April at this point, and customers were still asking for items off the winter menu. One one of Shadow’s shifts, a smirking kid with a streak of blue in their hair sauntered up, requesting a peppermint mocha.
Shadow made it for them. He couldn’t really discern why.
Standing by the display case, Amy said nothing.
˚₊‧❀‧₊˚
9:33 PM
You
are you ever going to come back to work.
blue asshole
Missin me???? 😏😏😏
You
not really.
blue asshole
Im feelin better
So soon
Probably
You
okay.
amy has invited me to her birthday party.
blue asshole
Oh nice!
Me too!
You
well yes i figured.
i just.
i am worried that it would be a poor idea to attend.
blue asshole
Dude
Why do u type like ur fifty
No but ok
Why would it be a bad idea??
Its a fuckin
Birthday
Party
Like
What could happen
You
well i just.
i don’t know.
blue asshole
Well if u dont know then how can u think its a bad idea
You
can you just let me talk for five seconds?
i am just
not used
to
being considered to be one in the group
and i worry
that maybe she only invited me
because she
i don’t know.
blue asshole
Oh come on shadow
Dont give me that crap
Ur way cooler than any of that
Sometimes people like people dude
And theres no like
Alterior reason
They just think ur cool
And want to hang out
You
right.
i guess.
i am sorry. i think i was just worrying for no reason.
blue asshole
Well duhhhhhhh
But its ok man
We all worry
Even me
You
wow. how noble.
blue asshole
You know it :))))))))))
˚₊‧❀‧₊˚
You changed blue asshole’s name to blue.
You changed blue’s name to sonic.
You changed sonic’s name to sonic <3.
You changed sonic <3’s name to sonic :).
˚₊‧❀‧₊˚
He was back, and it was April, and Shadow couldn’t contain himself anymore.
They were closing, and he was standing there, watching him. It felt like that was all he’d been able to do all day. Stare into his emerald eyes. Laugh at his stupid jokes. Try to ignore the pit in his stomach, try not to allow his mind to wander, and think about what would happen when they were the only two souls in the building. And now they were, and Shadow felt as though he was supposed to do something.
So he spoke.
“This was my last shift.”
It wasn’t what he had planned on saying, but it was what ended up falling out of his mouth. Sonic, in the middle of washing dishes, froze - a mug falling from his hand and shattering onto the floor. He spun around, shock written all over his face.
“Holy - fuck, Shadow, why didn’t you - like - say something?” Sonic chuckled weakly. As he spoke, he dropped to the ground, beginning to clean up the broken glass. Shadow shrugged. “We could’ve - I dunno, thrown a fuckimg party or something.”
“I don’t think that would’ve been necessary,” Shadow said. “It’s not a big deal.”
“So you’re starting an internship, then?” Sonic asked, dumping glass into the trash. Shadow nodded. “That’s great! I’m proud of you, man. You’re moving up in the world.”
I guess.
But I…
“I should make you a drink!” Sonic continued, oblivious to Shadow’s swirling thoughts. “One last time. End of an era and all that.”
“Sonic -“ he began, but the blue hedgehog had already moved, gathering ingredients together for a chai latte.
And he couldn’t speak again. He wanted to grab his shoulders, planting him firmly in place and whispering into his ear that he didn’t need a gift, didn’t need a drink, didn’t need anything from him other than himself. He just wanted him, just wanted to feel him around him, beside him, underneath him, everything. He didn’t care anymore. But he couldn’t. He wasn’t brave, like Sonic. He was just Shadow, unsure and trying and breathless and lonely and upset with himself. Staring up at the night sky on a roof, thinking of a guy that he used to hate. Lying in bed, sitting in class, his brain was only filled with the color blue - whirling, writhing, singing out to him in dozens of shades and gradients that he didn’t even know existed. And he just wanted to grab it all and stuff it into the innermost corner of his heart, where he didn’t have to say I love you out loud because he could just feel it, and he’d know, and it’d be enough. But he couldn’t do any of that, all he could do was stand there in the fucking Starbucks like an idiot, and life would keep moving, and he would be alone. He was alone, and he could change it but he couldn’t. He was frozen, and the world was blue, so, so blue.
“There you go.”
A gentle voice steadied him, and there he was, drink in hand and a smile on his face. He held out the cup to Shadow.
Shadow did not take it.
The black hedgehog took a step forward, then grabbed Sonic’s face, pressing his mouth to the other’s in a flurry of motion that was so quick, it was almost violent in nature. For the second time, a cup dropped from Sonic’s hand, smacking onto the floor and spilling everywhere.
This time, though. This time he didn’t care.
˚₊‧❀‧₊˚
And Shadow thought the world had never looked so blue.
˚₊‧❀‧₊˚
“Hey.”
“Hey?”
“My - ugh - my, um. My room - hngh - okay, stop, for just a second.”
“Are you sure you want that?”
“I mean, no, but - can you not be a fucking asshole for, like, a second?”
“I can try.”
“Okay. My roommate isn’t home. Do you want -“
“Absolutely.”
“I didn’t even say what I was offering.”
“I don’t care. I’d do whatever you wanted.”
˚₊‧❀‧₊˚
Rouge got home at roughly three in the morning - still a little drunk, still a little high. She noticed how all the lights were on, though, and how the dishes still weren’t in the fucking dishwasher even though they agreed it was his night and she was going to kill him.
She flung open the door to his bedroom. She very, very quietly, closed it. She took a step back.
Then, Rouge began to laugh.
˚₊‧❀‧₊˚
You changed sonic :)’s name to sonic <3.
˚₊‧❀‧₊˚
Amy’s birthday party was at a skating rink (presumably, the place she and Surge had their first date). At first, Shadow thought this was a little childish, until he learned that she’d bought the place out, which meant that he could zoom around in circles for hours and not feel like an idiot.
No one said anything when he and Sonic showed up together, his arm wrapped around Shadow’s. Shadow is horrified at the idea that everyone had already figured it out.
They meet Surge, who is the exact opposite of what Shadow had pictured. She frowns a lot, and immediately doesn’t like Sonic. But there’s a soft look on her face when Amy’s beside her, and Shadow thinks he gets it, just a little bit.
He is shuffled from friend to friend, quickly realizing how many people Amy knows. He has a very awkward conversation with Knuckles. Tails drags him away at one
point to - threaten him? Give him his blessing? He’s not sure. Regardless, it’s kind of sweet, and it reminds Shadow that he should probably tell Maria. There’s a kid who can’t be more than ten there, and she flounces up to him for help at one of the claw machines. He learns that her name is Cream, and helps her score the plushie that she’s eyeing. He then is looked at with a sort of hero worship by her for the rest of the night. He somehow gets dragged into racing everyone, and keeps a continuous win streak that only some guy called Silver is able to come close to. Eventually, Sonic gets involved, and it becomes very obvious that they are evenly matched. They fly around the rink on their skates, blurs of blue, red, and black. Shadow thinks he looks a bit like an idiot. He finds that he doesn’t care.
They cut the cake, and Amy blows out the candles. Everyone retreats back to her house for the “afterparty” (aka, the section of the party where the minors are forced to go home, so bye, Tails and Cream). They all get drunk, someone pulls out karaoke, and Shadow gets treated to Sonic and Amy singing cheesy 80s duets for the next three hours.
He sits there, on the couch, stupid blue boyfriend in front of him, and a fond feeling washed over him. A feeling of this is my person. Even if it was weird, and awkward, and messy, and started in fucking Starbucks of all places, he had him now. Shadow got to sit in a room of kind people, watching the person he loved be an idiot. He wouldn’t have it any other way.
And he had a lot to learn, to understand. But he was going to try.
At the end of the day, he had to admit - Shadow kind of loved his job.
˚₊‧❀‧₊˚
falling in love feels more like crashing
stars spin around my head, so i’m asking
will my worries ever melt away?
run out of sentences to say?
wish that i could put this into better words
will i ever fall in love, or will i always search?
these are my questions for the universe
˚₊‧❀‧₊˚