Work Text:
1.
Sam: So, I found a way to summon that demi-god who can help defeat the troll.
Dean: Cool. What do we need to do?
Sam: It’s a sex rite thing.
Dean: Doesn’t one of us have to be a virgin for that kind of shit?
Sam: Nope.
2.
Demi-God: I demand you have more sex! But this time I think Dean should be on the bottom. And Sam, could you do that think with your…oh yeah. Just like that. To the left a little. Perfect. You naughty, naughty boys…
3.
Demi-God: Oh, you want my help defeating the troll, do you? You know, that is going to cost you…
4.
Cas: Well, you defeated the troll, and the demi-god left, but he cursed you right before he left this plane of existence.
Sam: Oh man. What kind of curse?
Cas: Well, it appears that you will die in twenty-four hours unless you have…
Dean: Sex?
Cas: Yes.
Dean: Son of a bitch!
5.
Dean: Hey, what’s the matter, Cas?
Cas: I do not know. I am feeling a little sick. I think that I may have been affected by the curse as well.
Sam: Oh dear. Which one of us do you need to have sex with?
Dean: Better do both, just to be safe.
6.
Dean: I am so sore.
Sam: I hate Gabriel so much. I can feel the chafing.
Dean: At least you got to top most of the time.
Gabriel: Aw. You guys love me, admit it.
Sam: Yeah, no. You know that role play usually only lasts one round, right? Not FIVE. VERY LONG ROUNDS! WITH REAL CURSES!
Dean: I can’t feel my legs.
Cas: I can feel your legs. They are in my…
Dean: Awesome.
Sam: CHAFING!
Gabriel: K. All that watching you guys have sex got me hot and bothered. Who’s up for another round?
Sam: WHY ARE WE DISCUSSING SEX? WHILE THERE IS SO VERY MUCH CHAFING? WHY GOD?!?
Dean: Demi. Demi-god.
Gabriel: Are you calling me short? I’ll show you just how short I’m not!
Dean: PLEASE NO! SO MUCH PAIN!
Sam: FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT’S HOLY! GO AWAY!
Cas: Would you like me to get the nipple clamps?