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Una awoke to the smell of bacon. Through squinted eyes she could just make out the shape of Chris in the kitchen through the partition that separated it from his bedroom. His bedroom, where she had fallen asleep in his bed. With him. After she had given into temptation and let him take her to bed. She rolled onto her back, staring at the ceiling. It was Chris. Her best friend of 26 years. He was a good man, he wasn't going to let— frankly mind blowing— sex ruin things between the two of them. Still, the fear bubbled deep in her gut.
It was still early, the ship's lights still in night cycle, they likely had time before either of them needed to report to the bridge. She took a deep breath before she sat up, calling up her usual unshakable demeanor.
Her clothes were no longer scattered across the room as she'd left them but folded neatly on his desk. The gesture brought a smile to her face. She slipped back into uniform, falling back into the shield that was Number One, and rounded the corner.
Chris looked up from his pan, smile bright. He was not in uniform, shirtless and in a pair of sweatpants she had never seen before. His hair, too long in its unstyled form, was pushed back and tucked behind his ears. Una's heart skipped a beat, she felt like she was intruding. She had seen him in the throws of passion and yet this somehow felt more intimate.
"Good morning," he greeted.
She smiled, more sheepish than she'd care to admit. "Morning."
He abandoned his pan, turning to fetch a mug off another counter and filling it from his french press. "Fresh coffee." He set the mug in front of her preferred barstool.
She crossed the threshold and took a seat, sipping gratefully. "Good sex and a homemade breakfast, it's almost like we're in a relationship," she joked.
He scoffed, faking offense. "Almost?" He countered in that same joking tone.
It was banter like they'd always had, now striking an odd chord. Nothing was clear anymore. The lines between them had always been blurred and now they were washed away. What of this could be a joke?
"Don't make me ask it, Chris," she almost begged. She hated these conversations, hated thinking of what it could ruin.
He gave a small snort. "Ask what?" He sported that wicked grin that meant he knew exactly what he was doing and had no plans of letting up.
Una sighed. "What are we?"
Chris smiled gently and put down the spatula. "Partners— like we've always been. We're just tweaking the definition a bit."
"That doesn't help me here."
"Then tell me what you need."
Una hesitated. She wanted desperately to close herself off— to get dressed and flee his quarters, never to speak of this again. Why couldn't he make this simple?
"You know I'm attracted to you," she began.
"I'd hope so," he countered, somehow managing to ease the tension in her shoulders a minuscule amount.
"Do you remember back on Talos IV, when the Talosians were trying to find a 'mate' for you."
Chris' brows knit together, clearly not following her train of thought. "Unfortunately."
"What they said was true. I have… feelings for you." It felt so tiny and insignificant when phrased like that. As if her love for him hadn't torn her apart for years. "Have for a long time. I might even go as far as to say I'm in love with you. So what I need is for this to be real. If it's casual— if you don't love me— it needs to end right now." It was the worst thing in the world to have to admit but she knew she couldn't suffer having only part of him.
His face relaxed. "Of course I love you," he breathed. "I was going to say that in a more romantic way— had a whole plan. I'm making strawberry pancakes, because I wanted to prove to you I listen. Had a whole speech about what a good team we make and how I could never do this without you— how miserable I was when I almost had to."
Una's traitorous heart fluttered. "You don't need to do all that for me."
"No, but I want to. Because no matter how strong and independent you are, you crave affection just like the rest of us, and I want to be the one the give it to you."
She didn't know what to say to that. Of all the things she'd excelled at in life, accepting kindness had never been one of them. Maybe it was how little she received in her youth, maybe it was something deep inside of her that still thought: if he really knew me…
She ducked her head, playing shy in an excuse to keep quiet.
"Neither of us planned last night," he continued.
"Certainly not."
"But, I don't want to pretend it never happened or the only thing between us be physical."
Una nodded. "Then we're on the same page."
"It's not that simple though is it?" The question was clearly intended to be rhetorical, asked as his focus shifted back to the breakfast. He plated the pancakes sliding them over to her before preparing one for himself.
She observed him silently. He was right it wasn't simple, there was a reason that line hadn't been crossed through all those years. A captain and his first officer, there were no rules against it but it was sure to raise some questions.
"I don't have long left," he said as he took his seat at her side.
"Don't—"
"It's true. We both know it. In truth, I've been terrified of this," he gestured between the two of them, "because whatever time we have won't be enough. I don't know what milestones I'll get with you, and I don't want you to have to suffer the pain of being left behind."
"You don't think you should consult me on if I'm willing to suffer that pain?"
"That's what I realized last night. There's going to be pain whether we deny ourselves or not. We have to decide which we can shoulder."
Una hated thinking about this. She hated that he was so set on the idea he would die in that accident, that refused to fight that fate. Chris was a good man, she was sure he knew something he kept close to his chest that left him so resigned to his fate. She was sure she would never change his mind. But he was right in this. She would lose him no matter if she got the chance to call him hers, why not take what was offered?
"I want a life together. Whatever we can build, even if it's just on this ship," she confessed.
Chris let out a relived sighed. "I was hoping you'd say that."
"And we don't have to miss out on milestones, we just have to use our time strategically."
He laughed at that. "Everything's a mission huh, Number One?"
Una smiled, affection warming her chest. "We do command a starship."
"Alright, what's the plan of attack then?"
"We get married. Here on Enterprise. We have La'An or Spock do it, we don't tell the brass until it's done, then when the mission's over we decide what we want out of a normal life together."
His smile grew impossibly wider. "Marriage already?"
"What do we have to lose?"
"Everything."
"Then let's have it all first."