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Enough's enough, Tommy decides. He's tired of only getting the stage gay shit from Adam. He's tried everything he can think of to let Adam know he's ready for more, but Adam really seems to believe the whole 'Tommy's straight' thing.
Yeah, he likes girls, but that doesn't mean that's all he likes. Just because he likes chicken doesn't mean he can't enjoy a nice, big, juicy steak too, does it? He's just never had the opportunity to explore the other side with someone he really wanted to go exploring with.
But after all this time, after all the stage kisses, he doesn't really know how to get Adam to understand he wants more than fanservice. He's tried making Adam understand what he wants. He's the one who goes up to Adam for a hug; he's the one who reaches out for a small touch, a little contact, at every opportunity; he's the one who sneaks a stolen kiss when they're not on stage.
He thinks Adam must feel some attraction, too. Judging by the level of excitement that's usually going on in Adam's pants when they're together, that seems like a safe assumption. But this is Adam, after all. The man can get a boner from hitting a note just right. Hell, Tommy thinks Adam could get a boner from a good breeze.
So that leaves him no closer to knowing what to do than he was before. He wants to make a move, but he's really not fond of rejection. He's the first to admit that he usually ends up way to emotionally invested in any relationship he's ever had. It fucking hurts to have your heart ripped out and stomped on. He's been through it enough times. He wants to try and make something with Adam, but he wants to know that Adam wants it too. If he makes a move, and Adam laughs in his face, or worse, gives him that pitying look that says sorry, Tommy Joe, but we're just friends, it'll just crush him.
He knows there has to be some way he can make Adam notice him, notice him as something other than a buddy. But he's never been on this side of the equation before, and he really can't see what he needs to do that he hasn't already tried. He knows he needs help. He just doesn't know who to ask.
When the Halloween party rolls around, they just happen to be back in LA; familiar ground with familiar people. His emotions on the whole party thing are kind of mixed. He's always up for a party, but the thought of seeing Adam interacting with all the pretty boys that are bound to be there really isn't doing good things for his peace of mind.
He goes to the party early, hoping to have a little time with Adam before the vultures descend. Everyone seems to think that Adam needs to be fixed up with some cute, willing twink, and there always seems to be enough consenting candidates. But he only has a few minutes with Adam before the room begins to feel suffocating with the press of bodies filling it. Seems like he wasn't the only one who thought having a little time with Adam was better than being fashionably late.
He gives up his place by Adam's side and stakes a claim right in front of the bar. The longer he stands there, the more his drinking takes on a meanness. He knows he's feeling lower and lower as time goes past, and he's just decided that maybe it's time to get his sorry ass out of there when someone behind him makes the kind of remark that he's really not in the fucking mood for tonight.
"Well, if it isn't little Tommy Joe. What's got you looking so positively unglamorous tonight? Don't you like the party?"
And Tommy cringes as he hears the sarcasm in Brad's voice, because, yeah, he's never been able to see how Adam ever put up with the little shit in his life.
"Or maybe you just don't like the view," Brad continues, pointedly looking at Adam, who's being nibbled on by a scantily clad mummy. "I think Adam's enjoying the party."
Tommy plasters the most insincere smile he can manage on his face as he turns to Brad. "Maybe I just don't like the company," he says, because he can dish it just as well as Brad.
Brad doesn't whither in front of him, like Tommy wishes to hell he would, but brings it right back to Tommy with, "Maybe you should give the company a chance. They just might be able to help with your problem."
"And just what fucking problem would that be? I don't know what you think you know about me, but don't make stupid ass assumptions about my life, okay?"
"Oh, a little touchy there, aren’t we?. I see what's going on, even if he doesn't," and Brad inclines his head in Adam's direction like he thinks Tommy might be too fucking stupid to know who he's talking about. "And it's probably not even that he doesn't see it. It's more like he's afraid to admit he sees it. Straight boys who might be a little curious aren't the best place to put your heart for safe keeping, if you know what I mean." Tommy has to admit that maybe Brad isn't all fluff and sparkle. Maybe he does understand what Tommy's been trying to hide from everyone but Adam.
"What makes you think I'm just curious?" Tommy asks, because knowing this might help him help Adam to see him differently.
"Have you ever tried the whole gay thing?" When Tommy starts to open his mouth to answer, because, yeah, he's done some things, just not everything, Brad cuts him off like he can read Tommy's mind, and maybe he can. "I don't mean the two-beer-queer thing. I don't mean messing around with your buddies who are straight, so there's never any question about it going too far."
Brad looks at him with enough challenge showing in his eyes that Tommy can't help but drop his gaze. He knows where this is going, and he doesn't know the answers.
"I'm talking about the caring for someone enough to never hurt them by feeling like you have to hide how you feel from your friends and family. I'm talking about having the whole Christian right wing part of the country hoping you can't make things work and following your every move just so they can be there when it does fall apart. I'm talking about living your life, good and bad, in front of the cameras that follow him around everywhere."
Brad has to take a second to compose himself, because he's been getting a little louder with each word, and now they have an audience of interested listeners. He leans closer to Tommy and finishes just above a whisper, but with as much emotion as before. "I'm talking about having a relationship with a man, a give and take, caring relationship. I'm talking about actually loving him as much as he deserves to be loved. I'm talking about being there for him when the heat gets turned up, not backing off and calling it an experiment. Because he's too good to be someone's vehicle into the land of the curious. He's too loving and open when he cares for someone to be ditched when the public eye comes to settle on you."
Tommy thinks Brad's little talk is finally over, and he's relieved. He's relived because Brad's been making points that Tommy's already asked himself, and it feels like a punch in the gut to have to admit that he really doesn't know.
But it turns out that Brad's not finished, because his next words stun Tommy. Brad finishes so quietly that Tommy almost doesn't hear, almost asks him to repeat himself. But he does hear. He hears with his heart more than with his ears when Brad asks, " Can you love him better than I could? Can you stand up to the pressure of forever?"
Tommy isn't sure if he should answer that or not. He's not sure if Brad really wants or expects an answer, or if it's just a case of too much booze asking the question.
Whatever it is, Tommy only has one answer. One answer that doesn't answer anything, and he gives it to Brad. "I don't know. I don't fucking know what I'm supposed to be feeling about this whole thing."
Brad reaches out and smooths invisible wrinkles from Tommy's jacket and brushes nonexistent lint from Tommy's shoulders and says, "Well, Tommy Joe, don't ya think it might be a good idea to try and get a handle on that?" Brad bunches his fists in Tommy's lapels before he continues. "Take some time to be sure. Make sure you're absolutely sure. Then come see me. I'll help you get his attention." Brad gives Tommy a good once over and turns around to immediately start talking to someone else. And, damn it, Tommy thinks the fucker is actually sparkling.
They leave for Europe soon after, but not before Brad makes sure Tommy knows how serious he is. He sends texts that Tommy might be able to understand if they were in something close to English, but Brad insists on using some cryptic shit that makes Tommy’s head hurt when he tries to decipher it. Just what the hell does Let the world see you sparkle mean, anyway? He sends back the only thing that comes to mind, What the fuck?
But sometimes Brad hits home with the questions he asks. How will you tell your family? really makes Tommy think. Yeah, he knows they’ll still love him, but how the hell will he feel when they look at him that way, the way that says they’re questioning every single fucking thing they ever thought they knew about him? How will he find the right words to tell his mom?
He thinks it might be better for her to adjust to it in stages, so he dials her number, and as soon as she answers, he says, “Mom, I think it’s time we had a little talk.” He tells her that his views on life and love and relationships have never been exactly what she thought they were. He explains that everything in life is fluid, because if you let it become solid, you end up running into walls. He tells her that he’s just starting to realize things about himself that he should have recognized a long time ago. His mom knows him better than anyone else, and he really doesn’t have to say anything else. There are a few tears, but by the end of the call, she wishes him well in whatever he’s about to do. She only wants him to be happy, after all.
Brad gets the short version when Tommy sends him a text that says Hardest fucking thing I ever had to do, but it’s done.
Then Brad sends him one that really makes him think. Have you told any of your friends how you feel, or are you worried about what they’ll think? Tommy hasn’t told anyone. He’s never really thought about telling anyone. He hadn’t even told Brad. Brad just always seems to know these things. So Tommy decides to lay this one on Brad. Who would you suggest?
He waits patiently for the answer. When it comes, it’s no fucking help. Pick the hardest person to tell first. After that, it’ll only get easier.
Tommy thinks of all the people in his life. His friends always make a joke about everything, but in the end it wouldn’t be a big thing with them. He thinks about everyone he sees on a daily basis, and it hits him. Besides Adam, there’s only one answer. The one person he’s become closer to than just about anyone. The one person who’s opinion matters more than anyone else. The one person he tries to impress every fucking day. Monte.
Monte’s been his mentor, his guide, his friend. Monte’s like this cool uncle he never had. He always knows what’s right; he always knows what’s true. So Tommy goes to Monte on one of their days off. He starts to tell Monte the same thing he told his mom, but Monte won’t let him get away with it. Monte makes him fucking say it right out. They talk for hours, hours that Monte could be using for other things like talking to his real family, but Monte won’t rush him. Monte makes sure he has the time to say what he really needs to say.
When they finish talking, Tommy takes out his phone and calls everyone on his contact list. It doesn’t seem like such a big fucking deal now. He gets teased a lot. He gets more people saying It’s about fucking time than he expects. He’s prepared for scathing sarcasm when he gets to Neil, but the resigned I fucking knew it. He gets them all, eventually seems anticlimactic. He even calls Brad, who tells him to call as soon as they get home. The only one he doesn’t call, the only one who doesn’t know, is Adam.
The way they finish the European leg of the tour has Tommy more worked up than anything else. Sometimes he wonders how he manages to walk off stage at the end of a show. Sometimes he wants to keep his bass in front of him when he does. But it ends, and he heads home while Adam goes back to Paris.
As soon as he has a second to himself, he calls Brad. Between the texts and the calls, Tommy’s started thinking about Brad a little differently. Tommy decides that Brad’s not all diva hysterics. If he doesn’t watch it, they might just end up being friends when this is all over.
He spends time with Brad. It seems like he spends a hell of a lot more time with Brad than he spent with Adam on tour. He takes back all the good thoughts he’s had about Brad when they go on their first shopping trip. No matter how many times Brad insists that he would look presh in that plaid miniskirt, he insists that he’s not gonna do drag. He does let Brad talk him into some silky ass shirt, though. They way the damn thing fits, he might as well not be wearing anything. It clings to everything, but it clings in ways that make Tommy feel things - things he didn’t expect to feel from clothes.
Brad insists that he has to buy new everything. Tommy didn’t even know anyone made underwear in the cut Brad picks out for him. And why the fuck does he need new socks? He has black socks, already. But Brad explains that they’re reinventing his look, and everything needs to be new and exciting, so he agrees. When they’re done shopping he thinks he finally understands about Brad’s sparkling text. He’s fucking sparkling, damn it.
Then they spend days and days and fucking days going over looks. Brad keeps telling him how important projecting the right look is. He’s been perfectly happy with his look, thank you very much. But Brad means more than how he looks. Brad means the look in his eye, the way he looks at Adam. He has to learn how to let Adam know what he wants by the way he looks at him, then make Adam want the same thing by the way he acts. It’s almost like some damn charm school, and he’s a fucking debutante.
All the while they’re working on Tommy, Adam’s making news. He gets a Grammy nomination, and Tommy goes ape shit happy. After all, it’s a fucking Grammy nomination! But then there are pictures of Adam with other guys, and all the happy leaves Tommy. That’s when Tommy really learns what Adam saw in Brad, why Adam and Brad are still friends. Brad’s the only one who sees how much it fucking hurts to see those pictures. Brad’s there for him, really there for him. When Brad tells him, “Oh, honey, you can cry on my shoulder. No, I mean really cry on my shoulder. C’mere, baby,” and pulls him in tight with no judgement and nothing but understanding, Tommy loves him a little, too.
Brad makes him see that Adam really isn’t doing this to make Tommy feel bad. Adam doesn’t know how Tommy feels about him yet. And Brad vows - actually vows - to personally give Adam a piece of his mind if he ever does anything like that after he does know how Tommy feels about him.
So they redouble their efforts to make Tommy the man of Adam’s dreams. They work on makeup, they work on body language, they work on the fucking look some more. Brad starts power texting Adam, telling him about the fantastic, intimate dinner party he has planned for Christmas Eve. Adam tries to beg off, texting Brad that he’s looking forward to a few weeks of quiet seclusion when the hometown shows are done. But Brad isn’t used to taking no for an answer, and all three of them know that Brad will get his way in the end. Brad can make Adam agree to just about anything, and thinking about that would really bother Tommy if he let it.
When Adam’s finally back in town, Tommy gets to spend a little time with him. The way the others tease him, it’s apparent that Adam’s the only one who can’t see the hearts in his fucking eyes every time he looks at Adam. Tommy has to choke back the words he really wants to say when Adam starts talking about the cute little French girl who insisted on giving him her number to give to Tommy. Adam doesn’t get it, even when he insists that he really wouldn’t be interested, no matter how delicious she looks.
Somehow, they make it through the Jingle Balls and the last shows, and every day brings them a little closer to Christmas Eve. Tommy hears Adam talking on his phone, and knows he’s talking to Brad when he hears him agree to the dinner. He hears Adam trying to find out who’s going to be there and why it’s so important to Brad that Adam be there.
When Tommy sees Brad the next time, Brad tells him that he’s been telling Adam about finding someone who’s perfect for him. He tells Tommy that Adam wasn’t exactly pissing rainbows about being fixed up with some strange guy, especially when the fixing up is being done by his ex. But Brad tells Tommy that he reminded Adam that no one knows what he likes better than Brad does, and he’s sure that this guy is Adam’s type.
Tommy goes over to Brad’s early on Christmas Eve. Brad informs him that he’s reserved a suite at a very romantic hotel, because if the spirit moves the two of them, he doesn’t want it to move them into his bed. After all, there are some boundaries. They gather all Tommy’s new finery and Tommy can feel his heart speeding up as they head to the destination.
Brad gives him a pep talk the whole time they’re in the elevator. Tommy thinks Brad must have reserved the fucking penthouse, and he’s right. Tommy’s nerves are hitting him hard by the time the doors open, and when they walk into the room, he almost swoons - seriously, he almost fucking swoons. His knees almost give out, and everything is so damn real, it kind of hurts to think about it.
But Brad seems to know just what he’s going through, because he starts right in on the getting ready shit. He makes Tommy tell him how each new thing makes him feel as he puts it on. It takes Tommy’s mind off of being nervous a little, and Tommy loves Brad a little more for knowing just what he needs, just when he need it the most.
Next, they move to the makeup, and Tommy thinks he can handle this by himself. He’s been doing it his way for most of the tour, but Brad has other ideas. So Tommy sits back and lets Brad work his magic. Tommy has to admit that Brad has a gentle touch. The way Brad holds Tommy’s head still while he lines his eyes, the teasing strokes Brad uses when he applies the eyeshadow...Yeah, Tommy likes Brads touch. When Tommy sees the end results, he’s glad that Brad always finds a way to get his way. When he looks in the mirror, he sees a softness that he’s never seen before. It’s still a masculine look, but there’s an edge of vulnerability, too. It’s like Brad looked inside of him and put his feelings on the outside, or some shit. Whatever, Tommy’s happy with it.
But it’s almost time for Adam to arrive, and Tommy feels the nerves starting to creep up on him again. Brad must see it on his face, because he starts this insane chatter about all the little things that drive Adam wild, and Tommy can totally do them all, and pretty soon Tommy realizes that his nerves have turned into excitement. He would give this amazing little man a kiss right on the lips, but that would mess up the perfect lipstick job that Brad had spent so long on. He settles for a bone-crunching hug instead.
Brad fills him in on when and how he’s supposed to make his grand entrance. Tommy really doesn’t think he’ll be able to live up to Brad’s idea of flowing into the room like Scarlett O’hara, but he’ll give it a shot. He’s supposed to wait in the dining alcove for his cue, and he’s surprised to notice that some fucking magical housekeeping crew must have been at work while Brad was making him beautiful, because the whole suite is covered in candles and rose petals. It’s not subtle, but he’s a hell of a long way past wanting subtle. Brad assures him it’s perfectly fabulous, and that’s good enough for Tommy.
When they hear a knock at the door, Brad pushes him back to his hiding place before he goes to open it. Tommy would have just stood there with his mouth open, otherwise. He’s damn glad Brad’s here to help him through this. He hears the greetings they exchange, and the rustle of clothes that tells him they must be giving each other a hug. Tommy really wants to be part of that hug, and maybe someday he will be, but right now he waits for Brad to get to his part, because Brad’s some kind of fucking genius about this.
He listens to Brad telling Adam about this guy he’s known for a while, but recently he’s gotten to know him so much better. Brad lets the innuendo slide through with the inflection of his voice, and Tommy’s amazed all over again at what a damn good actor Brad can be. Brad plays up all his good points, and even makes some of his bad points sound fucking fantastic. Tommy’s shocked that Brad learned so much about him in a few short shopping trips. Maybe he should have listened to him about going with the plaid miniskirt, because Brad really seems to know what he’s doing. Hell, by the time Bad gives him his cue, Tommy’s drooling over the guy Brad’s describing.
Tommy walks out from behind the partition, and Adam’s jaw almost hits the floor. But Tommy gives him the fucking look that they probably should have practiced some more, and it must work right, because he sees Adam’s eyes go all soft and shit. Tommy knows he’s doing the look right, because it feels so real this time. He’s letting Adam see all the want he’s been feeling for months in one look, and maybe Adam’s been feeling it, too, because before he can see anything besides Adam’s eyes, he’s surrounded by Adam’s long arms, and he feels those big hands of Adam’s rubbing across that fucking wonderful silky shirt that Brad let him buy.
When they finally find enough brain cells that aren’t in too much of a state of shock and lust to function to make words, Tommy’s ‘Want it so much, you’ll never know,’ trips over Adam’s ‘I never knew. Why didn’t you tell me sooner?’ and ends in a kiss that definitely isn’t the fanservice kind. It seems to go on forever, and that’s just fucking fine with Tommy.
Somewhere in the middle of it, Tommy hears Brad say, “I’m just gonna let myself out. You probably shouldn’t let the steaks go cold.” Adam and Tommy both manage a little finger wiggle that’s as close to a wave as either can manage right now, thank Brad very much.
They do manage to find a way to sit down eventually, but starting by feeding each other the strawberries probably isn’t the best idea if they really want to eat. Tommy can’t take his eyes off Adam’s mouth as he bites into the berry. The juice starts running down Tommy’s fingers and makes it all the way to his wrist before Adam pulls Tommy’s hand to those fuckingly amazing lips and slowly licks a hot line all the way up to the tips of Tommy’s fingers. The strawberry stub probably lands on the expensive carpeting, but Tommy’s sure it wont be the only extra cleaning charge they’ll get hit with tonight.
Tommy’s not surprised when Adam goes all caveman and picks him right the fuck up, because he’s seen flashes of that side of Adam before. He is excited as hell that it’s directed at him, though. And even with all the he-man actions, Adam manages to be a gentleman when he keeps whispering questions about Tommy being sure, and stopping if it gets to be too much, because this is Adam , after all, and Adam’s just that way.
Tommy finally manages to shut Adam up with a kiss so hot that they’re both breathless by the time it finishes, and Adam gets it together enough to head for the bedroom where they can finish this in style.
When they open the bedroom door, Tommy sees that Brad’s worked his fucking magic in here, too. The candles are glowing warmly, the bed is done in silks and pillows and he swears the rose petals are shimmering - fucking shimmering. How the hell did Brad make them shimmer? He thanks anyone who can hear for having a friend as damn fine as Bradley Bell, and smiles when he hears Adam say, “Funny, I never would have thought you and Brad would ever get along.”
Tommy’s smile turns into what he hopes is one hell of a sexy smirk when he answers, “Yeah, well you’re learning lots of new things about me tonight, aren’t ya? Let’s keep this class going and see where it takes us, m’kay?”
~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~
Tommy’s snuggled into the warm, comfortable spot at Adam’s side that he’s never planning on leaving when he hears his phone go off. He cusses out everyone he can think of as he pats through the pile of clothes next to the bed looking for the evil thing so he can shut it off before it wakes up Adam. He wants to watch Adam sleep for a little while, for some reason.
When he see’s it’s Brad calling, he decides to answer. Brad is like his new BFF, after all. Before he can even get out some form of hello, Brad starts in with, “I waited as long as I can, so dish. How did it go? Was it fabulous? Did you sparkle?”
Tommy’s voice is still half asleep husky, but he does his best to fill his friend in on some of the happening, but not too many. “It went better than expected. Yes, it was fucking fabulous. And I don’t know about sparkling, but I swear I was glowing like one of your motherfucking candles at some point.”
Tommy isn’t the type to kiss and tell, so he’s not going to go into it any deeper, not even when Brad asks him about that spot behind Adam’s knee that sets him off like a firecracker, or that one special freckle that feels a little like velvet. But he does manage to tell Brad that when he has a little free time, maybe they could go shopping for a certain little plaid miniskirt, because Tommy has some ides he’d like to try out.
When Tommy ends the call, he’s happy to see Adam hasn’t woken up. There’s something that’s just so, so right about cuddling a warm sleeping Adam. He snuggles back into his special place, and he can swear Adam’s smiling in his sleep as he mumbles something about Yeah, miniskirts.