Chapter Text
It was a cool evening, a quiet cloudless descent into the night was beginning. The stars peeked through the bleeding sky as the trails of the sun slowly disappeared into that inky night. Demoman was walking through the base once again, exploring it for the hundredth time over. In much the same way that their teams soldier- and surely the BLU team’s as well- would march across the perimeter every morning and night even though there was never anything new. But for Demo, it wasn’t about trying to ensure against some nebulous idea of a threat. It was just good fun. A bit of movement for his legs after spending hours carefully tensed up making explosives, checking up on what everyone was up to when he finally took a break after being cooped up in that room. Being there too long away from anybody drove him a bit stir-crazy.
He passed through the cold sterile white walls of the medbay, under his boots the floor changed material from white and speckled tile to warped wood panels. It was a bit silly that the specialty rooms were all in a row but he wasn’t complaining. He wouldn’t give up the gossip he heard from Medics office through the bases thin walls for anything. From Medics office to Engineers ' basement lab to his explosives room, it was a miracle that this section of the base was ever quiet. It probably helped that the three of them were incredibly obsessed with their work and that Engie’s clatter was contained in that below ground room. Demoman adjusted the nameplate beside the door to his explosives room, he’d already made a lap around the base but another couldn't hurt. He hadn’t even seen where Sniper was, though odds were he was miles away in that van. Most everybody was relaxing in the common room besides him and Sniper, so if he didn’t catch a glimpse of the Aussie, he’d just retire to sleeping in that busted loveseat while Scout blasted the telly.
He kept walking through the base, passing by the dark and empty barracks. All of them dim and collecting dust except one. Medic seemed to be looking for something in his room, which he turned from a bedroom to a storage room a few days after they all arrived once he realized sleeping in his office made it easier to treat dying patients in the morning. Oh memories…
“How’ya Doc?” Demo greeted absentmindedly, leaning towards the room to get a better look.
“Oh you know, it could always be better. You haven't seen my spare jars of nutritional yeast anywhere have you?”
Demo shook his head, then answered ‘Ah, no’ aloud once he realized Medic couldn’t see him.
“Ugh,” Medic groaned, “Thats gonna be a problem isn’t it? They aren’t actually dangerous but I don’t want anyone to find and eat them all and vomit profusely from eating several jars.”
He stood up and stretched his back while Demo lingered by the doorway.
“I’ll try to keep an eye out for that while I take me walk.”
Medic gave a tight smile, “Thank you Herr DeGroot.”
He walked towards a cabinet while adjusting his tie, “If you’re looking for Sniper, I believe he’s actually here for once.”
Demoman recoiled a bit at the knowing look Medic gave him.
“How did you-?”
Medic chuckled.
“I saw you making the rounds earlier by the kitchen window when I was looking in the pantry. He showed up by the door right when you left and I tried to ask him if he’d seen the jars, but you know how he is.”
Demo gave a small grin and started off, but Medic kept talking to himself.
“Schiesse, I didn’t mention the contents. You don’t think he thought I meant his-” He grimaced unamused at the thought, “Urine- when I was asking about my seasoning?”
Demoman simply shrugged and kept walking through the base to leave Medic to his search. Knowing Medic, asking for a jar of piss was probably one of the more normal things he could do. Isn’t that actually expected by doctors during a check up? Demo hadn’t had a proper one in far too long but a licensed doctor asking for your piss seems about right. Especially for Sniper. That guy-moreso out of anyone here- had to have something terribly wrong with his insides not just for the jarate, but for the types of things he ate too. Once, Demo assumed that living out in the wilderness would’ve taught Sniper some culinary knowledge to transform whatever he could find into a meal. After seeing what Sniper considers edible, he would burst into tears at the thought of that feral bastard doing more than skewering and burning something till it’s both charred and undercooked. Demo once caught him licking the bowl of ground beef during the Fourth of July ceasefire. It worries him to think about what Sniper eats when he’s alone.
Past the common rooms light chatter and warm yellow lights, Demoman makes his way towards the showers. They have a strange atmosphere when it gets dark, like they are trying to make it obvious how decrepit and old the pipes and mold are. It’s easy to imagine some movie monster stalking in the shadows, but after working at RED for this long, Demo just can’t get scared by pulpy horror like he used to. No, its the thought of having to deal with a broken water main with eight other people clamouring for one working showerhead that terrifies him now. Pushing that train of thought aside to focus on looking for Sniper, there were some suspicious tracks of sand that continued down the hall but where they came from made no sense. Did he float around till he suddenly started stomping around hard enough to kick it out of his shoes? That only ever happened one time and not even to Sniper. He picked up the pace regardless.
Why was he looking for Sniper again? It felt right to do, and he could’ve sworn that he had a reason to pester the man just a moment ago. He tugged down on his woolen cap while he turned the corner as he looked back in his mind. It’d probably come to him once he’d seen Sniper, and at any rate it would probably do him some good if Demo just tagged along to whatever he was up to. He wasn’t home- well at the base- enough. Always off in that van, sleeping in it or camping outside every night. He would pop by for a meal or for chores, and sometimes a cardgame, but never for long. At least not long enough for Demo.
He ended up finding Sniper peering into Medics office, the lights on but the door locked.
“Hey ye daft camper!” Demo shouted out to Sniper, jogging towards him with a big grin while Sniper jumped in surprise.
“Hes out looking for jars of yeast or somethin’, sent me to find them when I was lookin’ for ye.”
Sniper adjusted his hat and aviators while he grumbled in acknowledgment.
“He asked me about it too, thought he would’ve found it by now.”
He trailed off as he looked back towards Demo.
“Y’ken he thought it came off like he was askin’ for your piss jars.”
His eyes widened a bit at that which made Demoman smile wider.
Sniper gave a tired look, “He thinks I’m that stupid? I’m that obsessed with me own piss?”
Demoman shrugged, “ I think he was just thinking it over too hard. Enough talkin’ about your piss anyways! I’ve got enough of that workin’ next ta ye.”
He gave Sniper a pat on the shoulder and hooked his arm around the taller man’s shoulders.
“You are wearin’ a jacket! An’ one I’ve ne’er seen before at that. Finally give up that old vest?”
Sniper watched him examine the leather.
“Nah, that’s my uniform. This one’s from my dad. I just came back from checking the mail. My mail, I mean.”
Demoman shook him a bit.
“I ken that’s your uniform laddie. He sent this to ye, eh? Isn’t that just lovely?”
He let go of Sniper who stretched out from his grasp back to slouching, turning his head to scratch his face..
“Thanks.”
He felt the pockets and brought out a small card.
“My mum says he sent it to me coz it don’t fit right anymore and its a bit old, but they forgot the tag...”
He flipped the tag over for Demo. The price was scratched off and it still had the broken plastic fastener hanging around it. Demo looked towards him with a small laugh.
“I dunno why they got it for me, I’ve never asked for anything before and it’s not my birthday or Sm-Christmas.”
He flicked his eyes from the floor towards Demo, who was softly giggling.
“Oh bugger off, just go find whatever Medic wanted. I was only here to give back the mailbox key anyways.”
He tugged on his hat to try and seem more standoffish, but Demo had come to learn that with Sniper he’d rarely protest company if you met him where he was at. He was a solitary man by nature, and while it could be hard to tell if he actually wanted to be completely alone or if he was playing it up, Demo knew him enough to see he was much lonelier than he let on. Maybe he had developed a bit of a soft spot for him, but it was hard not to seeing how he stuck like glue to people who bothered to bother him often. Underneath the hat, the aviators, even that sour face he has on half the time, was still Sniper sure BUT, it was a Sniper with a wicked sense of humor and humility and deep care for his friends.
Demo grabbed Sniper by his jacket collar and led the two down the hall while he protested.
“GHK-! Mind giving some warning before you try and choke me like a maniac!?”
He fixed his collar and resigned to walk beside Demoman by stuffing his hands into his pants pockets.
“Did he even tell you where his crap is?”
Demo shook his head, “Nae but I doubt getting the guy whose job it is to look at shite for help could hurt, so it shouldn’t be something ye get your bloomers in a twist for.”
They passed by Engineers room, but Sniper lingered by the door down and motioned for Demo to look with a groan. There was an incredibly conspicuous jar on the first step down, its white label of ‘NUTRITIONAL YEAST:DO CONSUME’ pointed towards them. Demo silently cursed at himself for not noticing it earlier.
“I don’t think you needed me for this, mate.”
Demoman squinted at Sniper.
“I can see that now, lets just see how many more are down here.”
Sniper went before Demo and easily swooped down to grab the first jar, then barely lifting his arm to pull the light on. Having a lanky friend like Sniper around for things like that was nice. The basement where Engie worked had bits of sentry prototypes strewn about everywhere, every surface became a workspace for the different stages in development. Blueprints covered every deskspace like table covers, and metal bits and pieces too complex for anyone but the toymaker to understand the purpose of layered on top. It felt as though in the mess there was some sort of wackjob system keeping things organized that Demo and Sniper were intruding on. They quickly searched within that hanging lightbulbs area for more jars, but Demo pushed forth into the darkness to grab one that had rolled just out of the lights reach. Sniper trailed close to him in the quiet darkness, and as he picked up the last of Medic’s crap from the floor something strange happened. A burst of wind hit his face and as he dropped the jar in surprise, Merasmus appeared before the two of them!
“Behold my power and despair, ye mighty!”
“Are you serious!? That old coot’s the reason why we’re down here? What a load of bull. This is a load of bullshit, isn’t it Demo?”
Demoman nodded to Sniper.
“I promised myself if I ever saw him again, I’d KICK his ARSE and now I’d better make good on that!”
Merasmus whips his head back and forth between the two of them as they continue to talk about him instead of to him.
“SILENCE!” His voice boomed through the basement, “I haven’t even explained why I’ve set up this deliberate trap, and why I have the wrong people coming to me. Can you leave me and get some uglier people? Well, maybe Merasmus The All-Powerful Magician will be able to work with this…”
Demoman and Sniper both give incredulous expressions towards each other while he turns around to start monologuing.
“Yes, if you must know- which of course you must- I once again owe the Japanese mafia an exorbitant amount of money. However, since last Halloween proved to be a feat of my unbridled power, instead of torturing me they have enlisted me in the development of one of their new business ventures.”
He pulls out a poster of a cat with glasses and Japanese text on it.
“Reality television! And quite a lucrative idea for a show as well! They are taking horrid hermit people and turning them into cats to see if they would be better suited that way instead of not contributing to society. So in exchange for me teaching them the ways of transmogrification, my debt shall be cleared!”
He waves the poster out of existence.
“Of course, the depth of my powers extends far beyond basic spells such as this. But turning people into cats is not something I have visited in a while, so a bit of practice should help in not getting my fingers sliced again.”
As he looks back towards the two, they’ve already started walking up the stairs.
“Excuse ME!? One does not simply ignore Merasmus the Magician!” he roars at the backs of their heads.
Demo tightens his grip around a jar as the two of them pick up the pace out of the basement.
“Fine then! See what happens when a fool ignores the will of the great and powerful! TRANFORMIUM FELINIS!”
Demoman turns to throw a jar at him but its too late. The spell sinks in and instantly, he loses feeling all over his body till the green swirls overtake him. And as it suddenly returns to him, the sense of where his body is comes back in static waves. He falls back onto the much larger stairs, stuck in a pile of his clothes that hang off him uselessly.
“Oh my, that's not the- I was hoping for a breed that's a bit more popular over in Japan but you get what you give I suppose. Oh well. The Great Merasmus has a plane to catch to Kamakura, so fear and loathe thy new forms!”
Despite what has happened to him, Demoman turns to Merasmus to curse him out while he starts to disappear.
“Get back here yo-”
He puts a hand (paw?) over his mouth in horror as the wizard leaves no trace. His voice is awfully high pitched now. He looks down at his paw to find he is much smaller than he thought before, much smaller than even a regular housecat! He can’t be taller- well maybe longer- than a foot at most.. His eye patch is even tangled up around his feet. What a mess! Hopefully that spell didn’t hit Sniper as well, he thinks to himself, it’s terrible enough being this tiny.
He climbs up the stairs and sees the pile of Snipers clothes besides him.
“S-”
He instinctually calls out for the other, but the thought of speaking while his voice is so little is mortifying. Thankfully, a shuffling comes from under the jacket Sniper was wearing before. He jumps over and paws at it, and out comes two massive ears first.
“Is that really you Sniper?”
Sniper squints at Demo.
“Who else would it be?” He yowls.
The type of cat sniper has been turned into Demo has never seen before, but hes rather slender with a short-haired coat, a long and flat face, and big hazel eyes. He was white with orange spots, yet worst of all, he was STILL bigger than Demoman! Sniper was taken aback by his voice, which was just as tinny as Demos. It made Demo want to bat at him, but they didn’t have time for that.
“Lets get Medic to see if he knows what to do here,” Demo said hurriedly as he took on the stairs with significant effort. He stretched his hind legs as far as he could to place his head on up the stairs, then pulled himself up with his front paws and smushed his face into the stair as his lower body caught up.
“Demo… what are you doing?”
Demo flopped over on his side and lifted his head towards Snipers disappointed voice. He was already a few steps ahead of him, but climbed back down to Demos level. He nudged Demo with his paw to get up.
“You’ve got the body of a cat so you’ve gotta move like one.”
Demo stood up on all four legs and watched Sniper climb up the step above him with a jump.
“You make it look so easy, y’ken I’m just a wee little thing compared to ye, right?”
He jumped up a step, feeling a bit bashful at how much easier that was than the way he was going at it before. Sniper looked back down the steps, his ears turned back as he did so.
“Well? We’ve got to get this sorted out don’t we?”
“Hm, I’m just thinking. I don’t want to turn back without any clothes.”
Demo batted lightly at his head with his paw.
“Eh-! Can you stop that!?”
Demo jumped up step by step in a huff. Sniper leaped ahead to follow, quickly overtaking him till they made it to the tops of the stairs. They were finally out of the basement, and the base looked massive compared to them. Demo looked down at his grey paws, round and plush-looking, and began to walk slowly. It wasn’t as hard as he thought it would be, though next to Sniper, he certainly inched forward in comparison. Demo’s ears perked up to a whistling sound down the hall, and around the corner came Scout sauntering without a care in the world.
“Scout!” Demo mewled, he found it hard to say much from how foreign his own voice felt in his mouth.
Scout glanced down and was taken aback by the sight. His eyes went wide as he crouched down, raising the back of his hand towards the two.
“Woah! What's new pussycat?”
Sniper and Demo stared at him as he pushed his hand closer towards their faces. Demo felt a sudden wave of nerves overtake him, it wouldn’t be obvious that it was him and not a random stray that wandered in would it? Scout pet his head which, though felt nice, just made him feel worse.
“I’m not a cat,” Demo pleaded in his newly soft voice, “It’s Demoman!”
Scout pulled his hand back as Demo spoke.
“What!? Are you serious-why are you a freaking CAT!? Why the hell’d ya let me pet you?”
He grabbed Demo and cradled him as he stood up, “I’m getting the guys on this, I dunno what else ta do. Gawd, its weird I’m holding a NAKED demo right now…”
As Scout started walking off for the common room, Demo wriggled to look at the floor. Sniper trailed behind a few paces away.
“Scout, you’re forgettin’ Sniper. He’s been turned as well!”
Scout gave Demo a look and turned around.
“Oh you’ve gotta be kidding me, what the hell were you two even doing to both get turned into cats?”
He scooped Sniper up in the other arm and started off in a jog.
“This is real bad! You don’t think Medic’s a cat right now, do ya? I’m just gonna hand you two off ta him and call Pauling or somethin’ cuz I dunno how to turn cats into people.”
Demo looked from Scout's face to Sniper, whose legs dangled as he was held up by his stomach. A feeling sank in, one that aroused demo’s terrible nerves. He was an adorable, tiny, fat cat who could be picked up with one hand. He was at the whim of his coworkers now. He had to place his faith in them to fix this, for them to take him seriously like this! He leaned his head back and stared at the ceiling. This was gonna be one hell of a wild ride.