Chapter Text
The smell of frying and burning fish guts fills the air. It’s a smell Spencer is entirely too familiar with and can likely identify from hundreds of feet away. He’s never had cause to test the theory and, honestly, doesn’t want to. That he’s smelling it now is confusing and terrifying. He blinks and tries to pull his hazy vision together. When it finally resolves, he’d do anything to make it hazy again. The shed where he spent two days as a hostage surrounds him like a specter. Straining against the handcuffs keeping him in the chair, his pulse skyrockets further as he looks around the unfortunately familiar surroundings. Between one blink and the other Aaron appears in front of him. Tied to his own chair, blood seeping down his face as his eye swells shut, Aaron is the exact copy of how Spencer had found him in that abandoned hospital.
“Hey, Hotch, we’ve got to get out of here before—” Spencer cuts himself off as a shadow peels away from the wall and forms into Grouse, bullet through the head and all. Shaking his head, Spencer stares at the dead man. “No, this can’t—you’re dead! I killed you!”
Grouse grins wider. “Can a dead man do this, toothpick?”
A collapsible baton appears in Grouse’s hand as the man swings it at Aaron’s right arm. Aaron yells as the baton strikes flesh. Strikes rain down on Aaron and Spencer is stuck straining against his bindings and shouting to try and get Grouse to stop.
“Hotch, Aaron, I’m here. I can’t—you—just hang on, I’m here,” Spencer says, hoping the words reach Aaron through the torture he’s going through. He turns back to Grouse and snarls, “Leave him the fuck alone!”
“You might want to stop worrying about him, boy, and worry about yourself.”
Ice grips every inch of Spencer, his eyes widening and his breath catching. Movement from the corner of his eye resolves into Hankel. A flood of saliva races into Spencer’s mouth and he swallows it down along with the bile that’s trying to escape his stomach.
“What’s wrong, boy, devil got your tongue?” Hankel asks as he stalks nearer.
“This isn’t possible, you’re dead, I killed you,” Spencer says, squeezing his eyes closed. A hand grabs his hair and yanks his head back. His eyes fly open and Hankel is glowering down at him.
“Yes, you did. It’s time to confess your sins,” Hankel says. He yanks on Spencer’s hair again, causing Spencer to yelp. “That was only the start.”
A thick stick is held aloft in Hankel’s other hand before swinging down toward Spencer’s—
Ringing pulls him from the nightmare and Spencer jolts as he wakes. Nausea still threatens him, and he takes a moment to try and reign it in as he feels along his bedside table for his cellphone. A quick glance at the time reveals it’s about three hours before ‘entirely too early’ to be awake, but the caller ID blinks Hotchner Residence at him. He accepts the call and places it by his ear as he throws his other arm over his eyes. Hopefully he’s pulled himself together enough that it isn’t obvious how unsettled he is.
“Hello?” he croaks out.
“Spencer?”
He’s sitting up and throwing off the covers before the word ends. “Hey, Jack-Jack, shouldn’t you be in bed buddy?”
“Uh-huh, but dad’s having nightmares again,” Jack says. “I peeked in his room, but didn’t get close.”
“Ok, good job bud. Remember what I told you about people experiencing nightmares?” Spencer slides his feet into a pair of slippers and grabs a random zip-up hoodie from the pile on the chair by his door. His wallet and keys are thrown into the pockets of his sleep pants as he heads for the front door.
Jack hums. “I have to be careful ‘cause people having nightmares might not act like normal, and I could get hurt.”
“That’s right.” Mentally cursing himself for having such a long code for his apartment alarm, Spencer turns it off, unlocks the door and rearms it as quickly as he can. He steps into the hall and relocks the door. “How did your dad look when you peeked in on him? Was he tossing and turning?”
“Yeah, and he was groaning and muttering something that I couldn’t understand,” Jack says. He’s quiet for a moment before rushing out, “Is my dad gonna be ok?”
“Yeah, he’ll be alright. It’s going to take some time, but he’ll be ok,” Spencer says. Please don’t let him have just lied to Jack. He descends the stairs two at a time and once out of the building beelines for his car. “I’m getting in my car now, Jack, so I’ll be there before you know it. Is there anything you want to talk about while I drive over?”
Jack hesitates for a moment before starting to talk about what he’s been doing at day camp and the science project they’ve been doing. It’s a simple project that Spencer did with Jack a year ago, so Jack’s excitement about being the camp counselor's assistant during the project is a nice distraction. Of course, the boy’s chatter also covers up the whine and growls coming from the Amazon’s engine at being pushed so far. As much as Spencer takes care of it, it’s really not meant to be going down the highway at ninety anymore. A cut off muffled shout is barely audible on the phone line and Jack stops talking.
“Jack, what was that?” Spencer asks, scanning for police as he nears the exit for the Hotchners' residence.
“Dad. I think his nightmare got worse,” Jack says. “Should I check on him?”
“No, I’m almost there so you’ll need to be ready to turn off the alarm,” Spencer says. It’s not common for Aaron to wake up swinging from a nightmare, but it’s never a non-possibility. Judging from what Jack’s said, it's a strong possibility tonight. Aaron doesn’t need that kind of guilt for accidentally hitting his kid, and Jack doesn’t need to deal with it either. “Don’t forget to be very careful when climbing on the chair.”
“I know, Spencer,” Jack says. There’s the ever so slight sound of one of the dining room chairs being dragged to the alarm panel and Spencer is so grateful that Aaron hates that sound and made sure the chairs have felt coverings on the bottom of the legs. “Want me to turn it off now?”
The turn Spencer makes onto the street Aaron’s apartment is one that would make Derek proud. He spots an available parking spot close to Aaron’s building and silently thanks whatever modicum of luck he found to allow that to happen. “Not yet, I’m just pulling up. I’ll let you know when I’m outside the door and you can turn it off then. Do you remember the code?”
“Yeah, I remember,” Jack says. “You normally don’t get here this quickly.”
“Uh, yeah, having no other cars on the road helps quite a bit,” Spencer says. Like hell is he about to tell Jack that he just broke about fifteen different traffic laws. He pulls into the spot and barely has the engine off before he’s out of the car and heading toward Aaron’s apartment. The door comes into sight and Spencer’s anxiety simultaneously ramps up and dies down. “Alright, Jack, go ahead and turn off the alarm.”
Beeping sounds from the other end of the line and then there’s a slight rattle of the door chain sliding out of place. The deadbolt and handle lock are disengaged and then the door opens. Jack is standing there with the phone up to his ear, blond hair sticking up in several places. Worry is spelled out on Jack’s face the same way it’s spelled out on Aaron’s, though less hidden. It also shows up in how he bites his bottom lip, a habit Spencer distantly remembers Hailey doing the few times he’d interacted with her when she’d been worried about something.
Jack doesn’t wait and practically throws himself at Spencer. Catching the boy and pulling him into a hug is automatic, and Spencer takes a moment to hold the boy and mutter reassurances to him as he manages to snag the landline and hang it up. As his knee starts to protest the position he’s kneeling in, Spencer hears a thump from further in the apartment. Jack turns in that direction, his eyebrows furrowing as he starts biting his lip anew.
“Come on, Jack-Jack, let’s get inside and I’ll see about helping your dad,” Spencer says, shuffling the boy back inside before closing and relocking the door.
“You don’t have your bag with you,” Jack says, his voice low.
Spencer nods, not looking away from the hall leading to the bedrooms. “Yeah, I figured I needed to get here quickly and didn’t want to take time to grab it.”
“What if you need something in it?” Jack asks.
“I don’t think I will, but I can figure it out regardless,” Spencer says as he starts walking toward the hall. The door to Aaron’s room is slightly ajar and Spencer slowly opens it a bit more so he can see inside.
A book is on the ground in front of Aaron’s night stand, so that’s probably what the noise was earlier. All of the covers are pushed off to one side of the bed while Aaron lies on the other side. Every line of his body is tense and his face is twisted in a grimace. Even from this distance, Spencer can see the sweat on the other man. Spencer takes a few careful steps away from the door and turns to Jack.
“Alright, I’m going to take care of your dad and try to wake him up,” Spencer says.
Jack tilts his head, his eyebrows furrowing. “I thought you said not to wake someone up from a nightmare?”
“If you can avoid it, it’s better to let them sleep,” Spencer confirms. “Unfortunately, I think I need to wake your dad up. So I need you to make sure the alarm is turned back on and then stay in the living room. I’ll let you know when it’s ok to come back, ok?”
“Ok, Spencer,” Jack says before heading back toward the front door.
Inhaling a deep breath, Spencer slowly lets it out before entering the bedroom. He mostly shuts the door—he wants to be able to hear Jack but also try to keep Aaron from feeling exposed—before placing his phone, wallet, and keys on top of the dresser. As he approaches, he realizes that the tension in Aaron’s muscles has only worsened. How, he has no idea considering how tense they already were. Taking another deep breath, Spencer reaches out with his right arm and touches Aaron’s left shoulder. “Hotch.”
The world flips as Spencer goes from vertical to horizontal. Weight lands on his hips and a painfully tight grip latches onto his left shoulder. He keeps himself relaxed through sheer determination as he stares up at a still mostly asleep Aaron with his left fist pulled back and ready to strike. Mahogany eyes are wide but unseeing as Aaron stares down at him.
“Hotch, I need you to wake up,” Spencer says, keeping his voice low and even. “You were having a nightmare. Whatever you were experiencing, it isn’t real. Come on back. I promise, you’re safe. Jack’s safe. I promise, I’ve got you, I’m here. You need to wake up for me.”
The grip on his shoulder slowly loosens as Aaron blinks a few times. Recognition creeps in and less than half a second later Aaron’s practically thrown himself away from Spencer. One of his hands is over his mouth while the other slowly runs through his hair as he stares at Spencer with wide eyes.
Spencer slowly sits up and keeps his body language as loose and relaxed as possible. “I promise, Hotch, you and Jack are both safe. There’s nothing here that can hurt you.”
A choked off sound like a scoff comes from Aaron. “But apparently I can hurt you. The hell were you thinking, Spencer?”
“That you didn’t deserve to have something thrown at you just because you were having a nightmare,” Spencer says. He makes a mental note that the bed sheets are absolutely soaked as he climbs off of the bed and approaches the other man. “I didn’t want to wake you up, but I didn’t think I was going to be able to settle you out of this one.”
The hand in front of his mouth drops to his side as Aaron stares at Spencer with still wide eyes and furrowed brows. “You didn’t even try to defend yourself.”
Spencer gives a half shrug. “No need. I had a feeling some part of you would recognize me and know I’m not a threat. Now, it’s entirely too early to be awake. Go and get yourself changed into dry clothes and I’ll change out the bedding.”
“I—” Aaron swallows and crosses his arms over his chest as he looks to the floor. “I don’t think I’ll be able to fall asleep again.”
“Maybe, maybe not. Let’s give it a shot, though.” Spencer gives a soft grin, even if Aaron doesn’t see it. “You’re starting to get circles under your eyes to rival mine and we can’t have that.”
Aaron huffs and runs a hand over his face before nodding. “Alright.” He turns to go into the ensuite, but turns around. “What about Jack?”
“Jack is alright. He noticed you were having a nightmare and called me, didn’t get anywhere close,” Spencer says. “I’m going to check on him while I grab new bedding.”
While the shock-guilt-fear doesn’t fully leave Aaron’s face, a small part of it does as he retreats into the bathroom. Spencer lets out a silent breath before returning to the hall and grabbing some linens from the closet there. He peeks into the living room and finds Jack leaning against the couch back, his elbows digging into the cushion as his head rests on his hands. When Jack notices Spencer, he perks up.
“Is dad better?” Jack asks.
Spencer leans against the back of the couch and ruffles Jack’s hair. “He’s awake, and I think he’s going to be ok. Did you want to help me change his bedding?”
Jack tilts his head. “Why does his bedding need to be changed?”
“Well, when people have a really bad nightmare, they can sweat a lot. It’s a part of the body’s response to adrenaline.” Spencer picks Jack up when the boy motions that’s what he wants and carries him toward Aaron’s room. He can see the question forming in Jack’s eyes. “Adrenaline is the body’s response to certain things. You know how when you get scared your heart starts beating really fast?” Jack nods. “That’s adrenaline.”
Jack bounces a bit as Spencer drops him onto the bed. He starts gathering up the bedsheets and duvet that were tossed to the other side and drops them off the side of the bed. He looks at Spencer as Spencer starts removing the fitted sheet. “Why do people have adr–adren—”
“Adrenaline?” Spencer makes sure to slowly enunciate the word. “Well, a long long long time ago people lived very differently than they do now. They encountered—came across—more dangers than we do today, so their bodies adapted—changed—so they were able to survive. As they had children, that change was passed down to their kids, who passed it to their kids, and so on. So, now we have adrenaline. It’s a useful part of being human, even if it does have some downsides, like causing us to sweat because of a nightmare.”
“I understand. I think.” Jack drops one of the old pillow cases onto the pile on the floor and slowly climbs down from the bed. He scoops up the bedding, which is a pile that blocks most of his body. “I’m going to take this to the washer.”
“Alright, be careful,” Spencer says, keeping an eye on him as he exits the room. He quickly gets the fitted sheet and flat sheet onto the bed and finds one of Aaron’s lighter quilts and throws it over the top of it all. He sets the pillow cases on the pillows—Jack likes putting the pillows in the pillowcases for some reason—before stepping over to the bathroom and lightly knocking on the door. “Hotch, you alright?”
There’s enough of a pause where Spencer almost opens the door before Aaron’s voice comes through. It’s quieter than Spencer would’ve expected. “Yeah.”
Frowning slightly, Spencer drums his fingers on his thigh before asking, “May I come in?”
Another pause. “Yeah, come in.”
Spencer slips into the bathroom, quietly closing the door behind himself before he focuses on Aaron. He’s changed into new pajama pants and a t-shirt and is sitting on the floor, his back against the vanity while his feet press against the bathtub. His elbows are on his knees while his face is in his hands. The exaggerated breathing is just shy of being concerning. Spencer drops down next to him, settling so their shoulders lightly touch.
“I don’t get it,” Aaron mutters. “It’s been over two months. Hell, my arm is healed from being broken, but I’m still having nightmares. It…I never had nightmares this bad last time.”
“The two situations are different.” Spencer makes sure to match Aaron’s volume. “Last time you were the only one kidnapped. This time you had two of your agents to worry about. Honestly, knowing you, you probably worried about all of us.” Spencer doesn’t mention how he’s fairly certain that Aaron never properly processed his kidnapping the last time. Just from what Rossi’s told him, he has a feeling part of what Aaron’s experiencing now is because of back then as well. It’s not the time for that revelation, though.
Aaron turns his head slightly to face Spencer. “How did you deal with the aftermath of Georgia?”
“I mean, considering I was high as a kite, probably not the best person to ask,” Spencer says. That he still has the occasional nightmare surrounding his own kidnapping probably isn’t…actually, it’s probably the perfect thing to say. Shrugging a bit, Spencer allows his focus to drift from Aaron’s face. “Honestly, I still have nightmares about it on occasion. They’re less frequent than right after and continue to grow less frequent as time goes on, but if we have a case that has enough similarities…they get less intense with time too.”
“It takes time,” Aaron mutters, almost to himself. He nudges Spencer’s shoulder with his own. When Spencer looks over, he finds concern on the other man’s face. “Did our kidnapping prompt your nightmares to reappear?”
The denial is on the tip of his tongue before Spencer can even think about how to respond. He swallows it back. “Yeah, it did. I was in the middle of one when Jack called and broke me out of it. Honestly, I kind of feel like I need to thank him for that.”
Aaron chuckles a bit. “I get it. He accidentally woke me up last weekend with his cartoons and it snapped me out of the start of one. Hard to be scared when the unsub sounds like Blue from Blues Clues.”
A quiet chuckle escapes from Spencer. He can hear movement from the bedroom and assumes that Jack is moving around in there. “Ready to try and get some more sleep?”
“No.” Aaron sighs. “But I’m going to anyway.”
“That’s the spirit.” Spencer pulls himself to his feet and offers a hand to Aaron to help him up. A slight smile flits across the man’s face as he accepts the help. Squeezing Aaron’s hand once, Spencer drops the hold before opening the door. Sure enough, Jack is sitting on the bed. Alongside him are five different stuffed animals, including the stuffed triceratops that Spencer gifted the boy last December. Spencer smiles. “What’ve you got there, Jack?”
Jack grins and grabs the triceratops—Spencer thinks he remembers the stuffed toy’s name is Trisee—and squeezes it as he focuses on Aaron. “They help me feel better after a nightmare, I thought maybe they’ll help you too.”
The soft smile on Aaron’s face is familiar anytime the man is around his son. “Thank you, Jack, that’s very kind. Do you think we could pick good spots for them to keep watch in the room? Maybe they can stop the nightmares from getting in.”
“Yeah!” Jack immediately starts peering around before climbing off of the bed and scampering about. Soon all of the stuffed animals except for Trisee and a stuffed canine are settled on various pieces of furniture. “Trisee and Pen are best at protecting, so they should stay closest.”
“Pen? Is that a new friend?” Spencer asks, peering at the stuffed animal. It certainly looks like a new one.
Jack nods. “Yeah! Uncle Dave gave him to me a few weeks ago. Said it was a wolf and he started laughing when I called it Pen. Not sure why he laughed, but he told me that Pen was a good name for the…” Jack trails off, his eyebrows furrowed again as he mouths out a word. “Loo—Loopacheeto?”
Aaron turns to Spencer with a look that clearly says do-you-know-what-that’s-supposed-to-mean? Muttering ‘loopacheeto’ under his breath—and feeling like he’s offending someone’s nonna somewhere—Spencer tries to think of what Rossi had meant. He tilts his head as he mentally shuffles through the Italian he knows before asking, “Did Uncle Dave say ‘lupacchiotto’?”
“That’s it!” Jack nods. “What does it mean?”
“Uh, ‘little wolf’ I think. Some people use it as a term of endearment,” Spencer says. He shakes his head and turns to Aaron. “Go on, time for bed, don’t leave Trisee, Pen, and Jack waiting.”
While Jack is turned away and climbing back into the bed, Aaron rolls his eyes and raises an eyebrow at Spencer. Spencer raises one of his own and gives a pointed glance at the bed. One silent sigh later and Aaron climbs in next to Jack. Spencer turns to exit the room, but is stopped by Jack clearing his throat. He turns back around and grins at the boy. “Yes, Jack?”
“You have to tuck us in and read us a story,” Jack says as he clutches Trisee. Pen has been relegated to Aaron, who’s staring at the stuffed toy with a grin that he’s clearly trying to hide.
“Ah, yes, you’re correct. I apologize.” Spencer returns to the bedside and reaches across Aaron to tuck Jack into the bed and kiss his forehead. When he pulls back, he starts to grab the chair next to the closet to sit on to read when Jack huffs.
“Dad too,” Jack says. He sounds rather put out, as though he’s tired of having to explain basic logic to an adult.
Amusement and embarrassment flare in Spencer’s chest. Clearly, he’s not the only one as Aaron bites his lip and a tell-tale hint of red starts peeking out from the back of his neck. Biting his own lip to stop himself from laughing, he tucks Aaron in and, before he can even think about it, kisses Aaron’s forehead. The man can chastise him for it later, like hell is Spencer disappointing Jack. Still, he turns fairly quickly to grab the chair and bring it over to the bedside so he can sit to “read” to them. As he settles in the chair, he feels as though his cheeks and chest are on fire and he’s certain he’s probably bright red. Though, he’s not the only one since Aaron is also a bright pink, even if he’s trying to hide behind a stuffed wolf.
Spencer clears his throat. “We were in the middle of Charlotte’s Web, right Jack?”
“Yeah,” Jack says, settling back into the pillows.
Mentally flipping to the correct page, Spencer starts telling the story from where he left off the last time he’d watched Jack. He watches as Jack starts to slowly sink into sleep, doing his best to fight it but falling into slumber halfway through the second chapter of the night. The stuffed wolf had been set on the side table at some point in the story and Aaron is watching Jack with a soft smile, his fingers running through the boy’s hair. Spencer feels something settle at the sight and he moves as quietly as possible to replace the chair from where he’d grabbed it. A glance at the clock shows that while it’s still entirely too early to be awake, it’s closer to dawn. If he leaves now, he can beat rush hour and probably catch a couple of hours of sleep. At least today is a day off for their unit. His sleeve is caught as he heads for the door to the room and he turns to Aaron.
Aaron is blushing again—a light pink rather than the brighter pink from earlier—and swallows before catching Spencer’s eye for a moment and looking away. “Stay, please?”
Heart catching in his throat and beating faster than it had been, Spencer swallows. He has no idea why he’s nervous all of a sudden. Hotch is likely concerned about having another nightmare and feels safer knowing that Spencer is around to help. Combined with the fact that Spencer was the one to kill Grouse and the whole mess with that, it makes sense that Hotch feels safe around him. Spencer nods before whispering, “Ok.”
The slight tension in Aaron’s shoulders relaxes as he releases Spencer’s sleeve. Spencer steps around to the other side of the bed and climbs in as carefully as possible. The last thing he wants is to wake Jack. As he lays down, Aaron turns off the light on his night stand and sinks down onto his back. It doesn't take long for Aaron’s breathing to even out. Spencer closes his eyes and tries to settle himself toward sleep. As he’s drifting off, he feels a small body wiggle its way under his arm and a larger gun-calloused hand settles on his own.