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Katsuki thinks about it for the first time when he’s four years old.
It doesn’t feel like anything earth shattering at the time.
At that age he and Deku are together more than they’re not. Their parents are close and by extension so are they. You can find them no matter the time of day, often playing among the homes of their village and exploring the woods that surround them. It doesn’t matter that their families are so different or that they are a predator and prey hybrid. When they were together they were just Kacchan and Deku.
They were inseparable.
And if he’s being completely honest, it’s a day like any other when he has the thought the first time.
He isn’t sure anymore what sets Deku off while they’re playing, but the small ram starts giggling, head tilting back and hair parting so his forehead is visible. His smile is wide, eyes scrunched up because of it, and Katsuki’s heart feels funny looking at the other boy and he’s just so happy to see him happy and he wants to do something to express it and Katsuki thinks how he could just lean over and kiss the other’s forehead like he’s seen some of the other people in the village do. He’s seen his parents do it at home too. He’s even seen Deku’s mom do it to the little boy, especially when she comes to pick him up. Deku’s the perfect height for Katsuki to do it too. The perfect height for-
But Deku is moving again and Katsuki follows soon after and he doesn’t think about it again.
Not actively anyway.
Not until he’s ten.
Even when their relationship is strained, his ears still tend to pick up the nerd’s voice faster than anyone’s.
He blames it on how much time they spent together as children. A direct outcome of constant exposure. That’s what he tells himself at least.
But as soon as his ear twitches he can’t help looking. To find the source of the sound that he already knows.
He turns to see Izuku apologizing to a woman, a fox hybrid, he must have bumped into. He’s waving his hands frantically as he helps to pick up the things she dropped, his mouth in constant motion as words keep spilling out of it in his sweet melodic tone. The woman is reassuring him, patting his head and revealing the red mark forming on his forehead. Deku really does leave himself too vulnerable. No matter how much Katsuki tried to drive in his head that a ram needs to be wary. That Deku really should be less lax around predators.
Katsuki scowls as the ram blushes at the woman’s gesture. It tugs at memories that were long buried after things changed. Of sunlight through trees and unrestrained laughter.
He can hear the extras that were walking behind him make a comment, but he doesn’t turn back. His eyes linger, absorbing everything as he takes a better look. He takes in dusty clothes and scrawny limbs. Bright eyes and prominent freckles. Even from further away he can tell that he’s still taller than Deku. He can’t help smirking over the fact that that hasn’t changed either. The ram probably just about reaches his nose. Katsuki’s mouth would fall close to where his bangs have parted. He’s at a perfect height that Katsuki could kiss the scuff mark on his forehead without even trying.
The thought sends him stomping off, just holding back from snarling at one of the extras hovering around him when they try to ask why he’s so mad now. They don’t matter. Deku shouldn’t matter.
Katsuki forces himself to shove the thought away. He needs to think about training. Not dumb, cute, oblivious rams. Ones that shouldn’t follow him as much as they do.
And even though Deku still lingers, still hovers, and Katsuki is still drawn to find him in any room, around every corner, always orbiting one another, he succeeds in ignoring the way they fit together.
It takes until he’s fifteen to think about it again.
At that age he and Deku are not at each other’s throats anymore, though the stubborn ram still doesn’t cower before him like he should when facing a wolf.
It’s impressive.
It’s infuriating.
He shouldn’t stand tall in front of Katsuki. Even if he has to tilt his chin up slightly to maintain eye contact.
Standing so close together it’s more obvious how he’s so small compared to the blond. Not massively. But noticeably.
The difference in height barely gives him an ego boost. Instead seeing those defiant green eyes amuse him. Talking to the top of his head sparks a smirk, one that almost feels like pride but not for himself.
Seeing how that forehead lines up with his lips drags up old memories of thinking about pressing kisses to it.
It would be so easy to lean over and press lips to the bandage across Deku’s forehead, the one he got from training in the woods. (Stubborn ram needs to take better care of himself.)
How would Deku react? Would he be disgusted by the action or would he be happy? Would he blush and stutter at the gesture, or would he smile at how well it worked between them?
Damn it. Why was he thinking about it at all?!
He shouts as Deku asks why he’s gotten so red during their argument, huffing and stomping away as Deku chases him.
He shouldn’t think about it. Can’t think about it.
But at eighteen he couldn’t stop thinking about it.
He couldn’t stop imagining finally kissing Izuku’s forehead.
He’s thinking of all the times he’s thought of it before.
It’s on his mind more than not. Izuku is on his mind more than not. More than ever before. They’re closer than ever before.
Pulled together after apologies and lost prejudices and constant effort.
But he kind of wants to be even closer.
He is paying more attention to the ram. His ears pick up his voice faster than ever. His eyes follow him through a room. His fingertips buzz with the desire to grab and hold.
And he desperately wants to press his lips against the ram, particularly with kisses against his forehead.
It’s embarrassing.
It’s annoying.
And most of all it’s frustrating that he can’t. That he could.
He knows that their gazes linger. That Izuku has probably noticed the way he stares.
He wants to comfort, and smother with affection, and just express adoration and admiration he’s had his entire life.
He also knows that Izuku wants that. All the squishy, lovey stuff that Katsuki scoffs at but would happily do. He’s just too much of a coward to say that. Ugh. The thought makes him sick. When has he ever been such a loser?
This is what Izuku does to him.
Make him a sappy loser.
“Kacchan?”
He refocuses to see Izuku staring at him with a furrow in his brow. Damn it, he hadn't been listening. Too distracted by thoughts of kissing the scrunched forehead while Izuku had been mumbling his thoughts about the bonfire their village had earlier. He had been rambling about how much fun it was and what all of their dumb friends had been doing and at some point Katsuki had focused on the ram rather than what he was saying.
“What?”
“Were you listening to me?”
“You were talking about the bonfire.”
“Well, yes. But-”
Katsuki lets the pause linger, scoffing as he raises one brow when Izuku doesn't keep talking. “Yes?”
The green haired ram rubs at the back of his head with a nervous laugh. “I guess it was a silly question. I just know Kacchan doesn’t always like being around people so I was wondering about it but then you weren’t answering and apparently you weren’t listening so maybe I shouldn’t-”
Katsuki pinches the ram’s cheek before he can spiral further. “Just ask, idiot.”
The ram pouts and those distracting forehead wrinkles appear again and Katsuki narrows his eyes as he forces himself not to do anything. To not give in.
“Mean Kacchan.”
“I’m always mean.”
The ram laughs. “Sure.”
Katsuki huffs. “The question dumb ass.”
“Oh right.” The ram looks sheepish and Katsuki just rolls his eyes. “I just was wondering if Kacchan had fun too.” It’s rushed and mumbled, but Katsuki still hears him. Still hears the with me that remains unspoken.
He stares at the ram, who looks so nervous. And he gives in. Just a little.
He reaches forward to ruffle the curly green hair, tugging the ram closer as he giggles. He playfully growls near his temple, so close to what he wants. “What the hell kind of dumb question is that?”
Izuku huffs in annoyance.
Katsuki sighs as he bumps their foreheads together. “Yeah. I had fun.”
Izuku looks up at him, eyes all sparkly.
He knows the ram hears it too.
The unspoken with you.
He wonders if he should finally give in fully.
But Izuku is turning his head at the sound of voices and it forces Katsuki to back up.
But he’s not too annoyed.
Honestly he knows now. Knows that they will get there. That it’s only a matter of time. A matter of someday.
And that day finally comes two years later.
At twenty he should be embarrassed he’s still not kissed Izuku after that night. But it’s hard to be when they are better than they’ve ever been.
His idiot friends tease him about being a couple with Izuku, which he yells at them for, but he knows why they do it.
Because really he and Izuku are like a couple. Izuku is comfortable and Katsuki lets him initiate as much physical intimacy as he wants.
Not that he doesn’t initiate any. He’ll tug the ram closer by his hand, run his fingers through unruly curls, and press against his side when they're talking.
It’s comfortable. Easy.
But he will admit to being a little nervous about finally crossing that line.
He’s not as naive as he was at four. Parents might kiss their children, sure, like Izuku and his mom, and friends can as well, as Raccoon Eyes is prone to, but generally it's couples who engage in that kind of intimacy. Like his parents. Like so many others he’s seen in the village.
And that sliver of fear, that somehow he’s reading everything wrong stops him.
Even when they’re alone like they are tonight.
Just like they were two years ago.
They’re wandering through the village, mostly quiet as Katsuki takes Izuku back home.
It’s not heavy. It’s comfortable and light, shifting as easily as the gentle snow that has started up around them.
Izuku will talk and Katsuki hums in response and stares at Izuku as Izuku looks up at the snow.
He can’t help noticing, as he has many times before, how Izuku is the perfect height. As close as they’re walking together he knows he wouldn’t have to move much to press a kiss to the ram’s forehead. He might have to shift more than when they were younger, but it means that Izuku wouldn’t have to shift as much.
Izuku turns to him, and when their eyes connect his smile is brilliant.
Katsuki flexes his hands as the urge to touch overwhelms him, partially burying his face in his scarf to hold back.
They slow to a stop, Izuku tilting his head slightly at Katsuki’s silence. He's watching him. Waiting for him.
The wolf can see the light from Izuku’s house to his left, knowing how close this moment is to ending.
And he realizes he doesn’t want to let him go.
And with a jolt he realizes he doesn’t want to let this moment pass.
He doesn’t want to go his whole life without crossing that line.
He doesn’t want Izuku to wait anymore.
He doesn’t want to wait anymore.
He reaches out, gently grasping Izuku’s hands. The ram makes a questioning noise, but Katsuki stares at the scarred hands in his. The thumb he rubs across the back of Izuku’s hand is more to soothe his own nerves than the other man’s.
“Izuku…” His voice is low, barely a puff of air floating from his parted lips.
The other man leans forward slightly, not speaking but obviously listening. As attentive as he always is when it comes to Katsuki.
He forces himself to take a deep breath and look up at bright green eyes.
“We’ve known each other forever.”
Izuku’s smile is small and fond. “We have.”
“And I know we had our issues. Ones I mostly caused.”
He ignores the slight frown, knowing Izuku wants to tell him it wasn’t only his fault. But he keeps quiet. He must know not to push that age old discussion right now.
Must see the way Katsuki is struggling to pull the words together.
“But I have admired you always.”
He watches the ram’s eyes widen, his cheeks flushing a little deeper than they were from the cold.
He’s sure his own blush is visible.
“I couldn’t help myself. Not when you’re so perfect.”
He feels Izuku grab his hands tighter in surprise, and Katsuki squeezes back to ground himself.
“Not when you’re so perfect for me.”
“Kacchan…” Nothing follows and Katsuki could almost laugh that he’s actually made his rambling ram speechless.
“I adore how far we’ve come. I love what we have but…” He makes sure to look Izuku in the eyes. “I can’t help myself from wanting more. I can’t help wanting to be more with you.”
Izuku is trembling the faintest amount and it’s messing with his nerves, but he plows on.
“I would have what we have now forever if that’s all you wanted. I’d be happy. But I didn’t want to be a coward anymore and avoid addressing this. Us. Because I’m rarely wrong, and something tells me you want that too. That you may just feel the same way about me that I feel about you. But if I am wrong, if I have misread all this, then that’s okay. I’ll just be glad to have finally cleared the air…”
He takes a deep breath, closing his eyes as he tries to push away some of the anxiety in his gut.
Izuku startles him out of the action with a laugh that borders a frantic giggle.
But his eyes are more brilliant than Katsuki knew was possible.
“I want that Kacchan. To be more with you. All I’ve ever wanted was to be with you. That desire is part of why things grew so tense between us.” He shakes his head before Katsuki can snap a protest, so the wolf just huffs. “But I’ve been holding back since we fixed things. I…”
Katsuki watches him flick his eyes around, obviously thinking about what he wants to say before they come back on him. He wants those eyes always on him.
“I really thought after that night, after the bonfire…”
Katsuki’s heart picks up pace.
“I thought that maybe Kacchan felt the same way I did. Wanted the same things.” He smiles. “And I am happy with what we have. But… well I also want more. I want anything Kacchan will give me.”
Katsuki can’t help himself from moving, finally letting go of their clasped hands so he can bring the other man closer to him, clutching at his waist to tug them closer together. “Anything?”
Izuku’s flushed cheeks and bright smile make his own cheeks grow warmer. “Everything.”
Katsuki’s ears flatten back as he’s overwhelmed with affection and he finally gives in. He pulls Izuku even closer, arms moving to wrap around his waist as the ram’s wrap around his own. Katsuki tilts his chin up the barest amount and presses a kiss to the other’s forehead and it’s perfect. Better than anything. He pours all his fondness into the action, feeling the skin shift as Izuku smiles more. He pulls back slowly, nuzzling at Izuku’s temple. “Been wanting to do that since I was four.”
Izuku chuckles, just a little too high pitched to be casual, bumping their heads together lightly before pressing their foreheads together. “Four?”
Katsuki just hums, closing his eyes. It’s embarrassing enough he admitted that, he's not giving anything else up right now.
And Izuku lets it go, shuffling just a little closer.
They stay like that for awhile, basking in each other's presence with only the wind and falling snow to break the silence.
“Kacchan?”
“Yeah?”
“Are we… well are we actually together now?”
Katsuki scoffs, lightly snapping his teeth. “Of course we are. You’re not ever getting rid of me.”
The pressure on his cheek has his eyes finally snapping open.
Izuku pulls back from the kiss he left with a brilliant smile. “That sounds perfect to me.”
And really Katsuki couldn’t agree more, finally moving to kiss the ram properly. He couldn’t stop himself.
And at the pleasant warmth that spread through him he was glad to realize he didn’t have to. Not anymore.
And really he never did.
Even four years later he can’t stop kissing Izuku’s forehead. He’s quick to drag the ram closer to him when he feels the urge, and the smile he gets is well worth it.
He didn’t hesitate anymore.
Izuku’s height is still perfect. The ram is still perfect for him.
His friend, his soulmate, his betrothed and soon-to-be-husband.
The thought makes him giddy, pushing up from his work to go find the ram.
He proposed almost two years ago. When spring came they would be wed.
Izuku looks up from his work, and Katsuki is quick to pull him in and press a kiss into that perfect forehead.
The ram laughs. “You never will grow tired of that will you?”
“Not at all.” He presses another kiss to the sound of the ram’s amused chuckle. “You have to put up with me forever soon.”
Izuku’s eyes are sparkly when he pulls away.
“Forever sounds amazing Kacchan.”
Katsuki knocks their foreheads together.
“Yeah… it really does.”
The first time he ever wanted to kiss Izuku he had been four years old.
At twenty-four he's gotten all he’s ever wanted and more.
Forever with his love really did sound perfect.