Work Text:
it was raining outside, the cold droplets of winter finding themselves hitting against the foggy windows of the dungy, run down apartment.
the moistness in the air is making his shoulder ache again, the gun shot wound never ending up properly healing. the doctors told him he was lucky he didn’t die from blood-loss, that he didn’t starve or get hypothermia. but being left to die in the cold, dirty bathroom; he didn’t feel lucky about anything.
being left alone there, he ended up waiting for the man that promised he’d be back for hours before eventually passing out; each time he felt himself passing out, hearing that annoying professional doctoral ring in his ears to find himself alone again.
it had been months after that. the bullet wound had healed into nothing but painful memories and the occasional shoulder ache; but the thing that he did feel lucky about the trap was the end of it; the result of where he ended up, not that he almost lost the game and himself.
his apartment wasn’t any better on the outside because he had insisted on not moving or getting it improved, he hated the thought of leaving everything behind; the development room with all his work. and ending up in somewhere he didn’t know. he didnt want that to happen again, not after the day he had found himself bound to those rusty pipes and lawrence gordon.
after officiating his divorce with allison, lawrence had offered her to keep their house if she’d like. he knew that the place didn’t have great memories for either of them after his test, and he didn’t want to make matters worse than it already was between them. the man didn’t hate allison, and neither did she lawrence, but they both knew that it was past due to talk it out and get it over with; not wanting to drag this out for any longer than it has to be for diana.
like their marriage, the house didn’t stay with neither of them, being sold for an frugile amount of money just for the sake of decluttering the presence of the property away from their lives, like their relationship.
lawrence had more than enough to get another place for adam if he’d liked; but the younger man insisted that he didn’t want the doctor to buy him an extravagant unnecessarily huge lounge.
lawrence’s own new home was usually empty for that reason, that adam would much rather prefer to stay in the moldy apartment where he avoided paying the rent to the annoying landlord or pushing it off as long as he could. the triple story house was mostly empty besides the weekly housekeeper who came to take care of the building, as the owner had told him that he was getting old now, and stairs weren’t the easiest to walk up with a cane an new prosthetic he was not exactly used to yet.
for the most part, that’s why adam was really grateful to have the dingy elevator in his apartment work- occasionally. he would run up the stairs of the apartment to get to his own place, waiting in front of the elevator door to help the man pass the foot step in front of the metal doors. he would usually end up taking the stairs because he didn’t want to put extra weight on the already concerningly old and rusty elevator, even if lawrence always insisted that he was much heavier than adam and with him it wouldn’t make a difference if he was already inside.
lawrence was nearing his fifties now, and with the amount of of beers he had with adam after healing of and trying to get over the trap; and without alison’s home made meals anymore, he wasn’t ashamed of the fact that he had put on a little weight. he would always say that “90 more pounds in the elevator won’t make a difference if i’m not already making it stop.”
after a long shift at the hospital and countless patients and colleagues coming to welcome him back- even if it had been a few weeks since he had been unofficially back for half time shifts to get used to working with the cane and new prosthetic; the doctor had come to the apartment. the rain had slightly wet his neatly brushed blond hair into a few strands falling to his face, the winter weather darkening the shoulders of his dark cream suit with a light brown color.
after heinous attempts to get through the elevator and contemplating calling adam to help him- he had all these tricks to get the dungy thing to get to work, from slamming the doors a few times to a weird combination of the floor buttons; he finally got through. he neatly picked out the spare key adam had given him from the dozen of keychains on his keyring; from his office in the hospital to the key he had made with diana for their new house with an engraving of a teddy bear on the handle, diana had insisted on that one specifically as her “daddy should get himself a gift for the new house!” and ended up getting a copy of their key with the engraving on it with his own money, to himself as his daughter had insisted with the smile that reminded him so much of adam’s smile that one time he had sneaked a pack of cigarettes from the rundown off license liquor store down his street.
he made way through the small hall to sit down at the chair at the end of it, the old wood grouching under his weight put on it. he looked at the small apartment for a second, his eyes searching instinctively for the man who accompanied him in here. the space was filled with newly furnished furniture as well as the old, cheap things his boyfriend had insisted on keeping- it still felt weird on his tongue, calling a man his partner. he knew adam was much more comfortable with his sexuality and attraction to men, but he had found himself just recently discovering the reality of bisexuality after getting a divorce with his wife and getting tangled up with the man at the other end of the bathroom.
taking off his jacket and folding it neatly over the chair, he wondered where the other was. he would’ve already talked his ear off by now, staying in the apartment most of the day if he wasn’t doing something with his camera. he knew adam didn’t call it “work” but lawrence did, he had told him adam countless times that he didn’t have to do anything- especially because of his injury, that his income as a doctor was more than enough to take care of them and also diana when she occasionally came over. but adam had insisted just like allison, that he “wouldn’t sit around do nothing all day long”- even if the idea was really tempting to him. putting the weight of himself on lawrence who had himself and diana to care of, wasn’t smart to the younger man so he made what he can with his camera. the occasional stalk or just doing more professional photography now- he had helped with a few of lawrence’s friends’ engagement photographs. what happens when you date someone with a big and rich circle, he guessed.
when lawrence made way trough the apartment’s hallway, he could see that the only lights on were the ones right next to the bedroom, the small bathroom. he wondered what adam had been doing in there for so long that the living area connected to the small kitchen or the bedroom had it’s lights out; as adam spent most of his time either in the red room or in the living room area to develop the pictures or go through them.
his cane and prosthetic winced on the old wooden floors of the apartment as he made his way to the source of the light, not wanting to peer into adam’s privacy. he found himself staring at the small gap between the door frame and door, the light oozing out and creating a small shadow of light on the wooden floor in front of him.
he wondered if adam had heard him come back or if he was too invested in whatever he was doing behind the door. he knew that the building and the apartment itself tended to make a lot of extra noise, refrigerators running or the toilet being flushed almost making the whole building hear when you exited the bathroom to the precise second, he took it to account that there was very much the possibility of adam not hearing him; despite him being on edge for a lot of things, especially in public after they were in the test. he gave it to the fact that he was in his own apartment, so with the familiar surroundings, he wasn’t so jumpy.
“adam?” the doctor’s voice rang through the quiet apartment as he put his cane to the open space between the door and doorframe where it was still open, the old wood creaking under the push of his cane.
with a slight shuffling behind the door, the man in front of the bathroom could hear the slight shuffling, only to be calmed down when adam must’ve noticed the cane poking in. he wouldn’t miss that gold shine and glow of the foot hinge of the cane anywhere. “larry-?” he called out, only to be met with lawrence opening the door further and letting himself in.
the doctor was met with the man siting on the toilet lid, looking back at him with a slight smirk from the edge of his lips. the edge of his flannel shirt in his mouth and his stomach skin exposed, lawrence caught the thin needle in between his left hand, his right hand- which was his hand he was usually fond of using, shook slightly as holding the shirt up, his fingers flickering against the healed top surgery scars against his chest.
at first, as a doctor, lawrence’s mind went to the worst. from drugs to morphine, the man was ready to snatch the needle from his hands and dispose of it, followed by a serious talk. didn’t take him too long to realize himself that it was neither of those things, to be followed by adam’s voice.
“relax. it’s just the shot.” with a muffled tone spoke, looking back at lawrence as he slightly shook the needle to show him that it wasn’t something he should be freaking out about.
the older man’s eyes followed to adam’s hands: seeing the bare flesh handling the needle. from developing solution to cats on the street, you couldn’t guess what adam stanheight touched on a daily basis even if your life depended on it. he had made it a habit to bring packs of surgical gloves from the hospital just for adam’s shots to help the man not make a infection out of hormone therapy.
“where are your gloves.” lawrence asked with a flat voice, he cane resting against the cold, cracked tiles of adam’s apartment. his face reeked of disappointment and disapproval, ready to make his way into the small bathroom to intervene.
adam groaned at his scolding tone, the shirt dropping out of between his teeth where he had been holding it. “come on lar! its not that big of a deal, its just the shot! i did it for months before you came along, and look at me! i’m fine!” he said, pointing at his body to show there was nothing lawrence should be worried about him taking his shots unsanitary.
“sure you are.” the man followed, making his way to the small bathroom. he still smelled of antiseptic and hand sanitizer from the bathroom, compared to adam’s musky smell of cigarettes and weed mixed into his hair. it was a weird combination, it smelled like that night again. just minus the blood and adrenaline. and this bathroom was in the comfort of their own space; not infected with feces.
adam followed lawrence making his way into the bathroom and fixed his flannel down, his own checkered button up completely rumpled from him picking it up randomly from the end of his drawers, compared to lawrence’s neat and ironed white dress shirts. the man would always get his suits dry cleaned every two weeks, and he has made it a habit to iron his shirts every sunday after adam made his way back from the apartment’s ground floor washing machines. neither of them went to church, so adam had picked up a habit of calling sundays ‘steamday’ as to ‘sinday’, pun very much intended for lawrence.
he switched the small needle from his left to right out of habit, and moved to hold the needle against his stomach again, feeling his collarbone and shoulder blade grind against his muscles suddenly, making him wince. that damn shot wound never properly healed fully; aching more when it was raining. he should’ve known it was soaking outside from lawrence’s slightly damp blonde strands framing his face, they would usually be neatly tucked and brushed back every morning.
the doctor wasn’t far from noticing the struggle from the other man, his hand catching onto the slight tremble of his fingers against the thin glass vile and needle.
“is it your shoulder?” he asked with a lingering tone of concern from his previously flat tone of disappointment, his eyes flickering to where the scar was underneath adam’s flannel instinctively.
“it’s killing me today. it’s always a pain in the ass but- i think it just want’s me to suffer when i actually have to do something.” adam said with a drag of his voice, sighing as he reached with his left hand to hold onto his shoulder; his right hand resting against his knee with the needle pointed outward.
lawrence watched him for a second more before he made his way to the bathroom counter and unbuttoned his dress shirt’s sleeves, starting to fold them up. he would never fold his sleeves up, he said it ruined the steam from the ironing and made the shirts crease; as he was careful to not make the mostly silk and cotton shirts have any fold marks. but he was folding the sleeves up, for adam.
he started to let the water run as he lathered his hands up with soap, letting his hands go through the familiar routine of cleaning the skin for a medical procedure. the soap lathered on his hands and cleaned even if nothing was there, lawrence being extremely meticulously clean as he worked in the hospital and he didn’t want to bring anything back to adam and diana when she was staying with them.
adam watched the man open the bathroom drawers and carefully pull out two surgical gloves, the blue latex reaching his wrists where he had pulled his sleeves up. he always stared at lawrence’s gloves when he came to his office in the hospital, wether it be for dropping off diana besides him or lawrence writing his prescription of painkillers or his hormones, or whatever the hell was bothering him that month.
he was snapped out of his thoughts when he heard the gloves snap against the doctor’s skin as he pulled it on fully, his eyes looking back at his face with a grimace on his lips. “i thought my prostate exam wasn’t until later tonight.” he said with that stupid grin he always had whenever he was saying something to lawrence he knew he shouldn’t be saying or was completely out of topic.
lawrence squinted his eyes at him, his eyebrows furrowing with the man’s sudden burst of words “im not going to let you potentially paralyze yourself because you need the hormones and are stupid enough to not wait for me to help; with a wounded arm” he said, making his way to the toilet seat as he was trying to take a few steps forward without touching his cane.
adam quickly understood he didn’t want to touch the cane to keep the gloves clean and he made his way besides him, putting his stable left arm underneath his right shoulder to help him sit down on the bathtub edge, which was parallel and almost touching the toilet. he smiled to lawrence with that cheeky grin again when the man looked back him with that disapproving look of trying to do his hormone therapy without gloves and when his shoulder was particularly painful tonight. “don’t get your panties in a twist, doc. i wouldn’t do anything stupid, you know that.”
lawrence didn’t even reply to what he said and held out one of his gloved hands out to adam expectedly, his other hand on adam’s knee to have a hold of him. adam reached in and gave the small needle to his gloved hand, his fingers still slightly shuddering against the glass vial. as soon as he gave the needle to lawrence the man sat back against the toilet and leaned his back against the marble; reaching in with his left hand to hold onto his shoulder again.
lawrence looked at the needle and back at adam with a disapproving look, his hand holding up the needle to the other man so he would see what he was talking about.
“this is the drawing needle. you can’t inject yourself with this.”
adam looked back at the needle with a spectical look, leaning in and narrowing his to look at it eyes before leaning back again and groaning. “lar, there is no difference! besides, i didn’t do anything yet.”
lawrence handed the needle back at him to rummage through adam’s small source of supplies for his hormone therapy- lawrence himself had the grace of getting it from his hospital for him, resting on the edge of the bathtub. he looked for the thinner injecting needle and the glass vial of testosterone, carefully giving everything to adam as the man watched the man with a hidden fascination for lawrence being so caring and careful of him, even if he always was and adam really didn’t notice or care enough.
adam watched lawrence set the supplies back to the side and take the drawing needle and small glass vial of hormones from his right hand, carefully not pushing against the limb too much. he knew lawrence was right about his arm and he shouldn’t be pushing himself to do anything too painful by himself, but he still didn’t think something that was just brush of an moment for him before the trap would be this much of a drag now.
the vial got flipped upside down against the drawing needle and lawrence pulled the substance inside carefully, drawing it up till precisely 20mgs as that was what they decided together would be good for his body after spending weeks at the hospital healing and not having solid foods for long. the drawing needle slowly filled up with the clear liquid and sparkled underneath the dim lighting of the bathroom. adam watched the doctor transfer it from the needle to the injector, seeing him watching carefully as to not dull the needle. it made him feel soft for a second, that the man was so careful and intricate with him.
“i uh.. thanks. i might’ve not been able to do this with my shitty arm, after all.” adam said with a sincere voice, his eyes slipping from the needles back to lawrence’s face; catching him looking back at him after a split second of him speaking.
“you know i want to help with anything you might need.” he spoke with a slightly professional voice, but the affection of his tone was still lingering in the air as always when lawrence spoke to him. he watched the man lean in and help him lift his flannel shirt again, his right hand shaking against his knee.
when the doctor professionally angled the needle against the lower stomach of his skin, adam instinctively reached in with his left hand and squeezed the man’s shoulder, making lawrence pause for a second before looking back up at adam, his eyes filled with just reassurance.
he knew adam wasn’t so fond of going back to the hospital every so often for his shoulder or lawrence’s own job, or occasionally prosthetic fittings too; after spending weeks under the watch of surgeons and nurses, before getting dispatched after the trap. those days, his comfort had been diana coming to meet him and visit after seeing lawrence, even if allison insisted on not to and just saying regards from the door, diana always found a way to slip into adam’s room and find something to do with the man, even if he was sleeping.
so after all this time, lawrence understood that adam wasn’t so fond of needles or medical situations anymore, even if he was used to it himself after spending years studying medicine and being in hours of surgeries. thats why he wanted to help adam when he needed it with whatever it may be. they had common and different things they struggled with after the trap.
adam looked back at lawrence when the man looked back up at him and stopped the needle from touching his skin, nodding when he saw the reassuring look in his eyes. after he nodded, it took lawrence a few seconds to wipe away the skin with an alcoholic wipe and re-angle the needle again, letting adam have a second to say so if he wanted to back out from it.
when he heard nothing, he let himself hold the side of adam’s hip with his left hand as the right hand angled the needle against the skin of his lower stomach again; letting his left hand rub unconscious patterns into the back of adam’s torso as he eased the needle into the skin; the slight wince from adam’s lips unmissed when he tightened his hand on lawrence’s shoulder.
the needle was relatively thin and nothing to an extremely crazy extent, as it was intended for self medical injections like this; but he let adam hold onto him as much as he wished as he professionally injected the testosterone, puncturing through the soft lower stomach of the man he came to care so much about.
after the tension of the initial entrance of the needle had ended and the hormone had been injected fully, lawrence let the needle get pulled back and closed the cap right back, setting the two used needles aside to get rid of them safely when he went back to the hospital again. he watched as adam looked at the puncture wound for a second before ripping a few pieces and putting it against the small trickle of blood.
when he looked back up, he could see the familiar smile on lawrence’s lips, both of his hands finding their way against adam’s hipbone after the injection. the smile was always contagious after tender moments like this and he let himself smile back when he looked back at lawrence, making the man lean into his face and push back a few brunette strands of hair before pushing his lips onto his forehead, letting the kiss drag on for a few seconds before pulling back; as adam pecked the edge of his cheekbone in return.
it didn’t take long for that cheeky smile to return. “so when’s the prostate exam?”