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To share a space with another is something all humans do. Longing for companionship and community is natural. To share a small space dedicated to sleeping, however, is much more intimate. In the deep dark hours of the night, when the world stands still and all is quiet, the other person’s breathing is all you can hear. The sounds of linen softly rustling when readjusting, the long deep breaths, the occasional snore, and the sound of your own heartbeat are all you can hear in a normally loud world.
It didn’t matter who suggested Jesse should sleep in Windy’s room, it only matters that it was suggested and then decided. When night came, Jesse joined Windy in her room, making sure not to be seen by any onlookers. A thought, or rather a comparison of what other situations would have a man sneak into a woman’s room, flashed through his mind at this. He immediately discarded the thought, ridiculous as it was. Jesse set his sights on a chair in the room, but Windy was already putting pillows and blankets on the ground, clearly creating a nest for herself.
“Brighteyes, you really don’t have to-”
“You take the bed!”
“No no, I couldn’t, please-”
“What, no! I can’t make you sleep on the…”
They bickered for a few minutes, until finally Windy gave in and created a small nest on the bed instead for herself. While Jesse had won the battle of selflessness, he did not win the battle of comfort. The chair was much too rickety to sleep on, so he opted for the floor instead; as young and durable as he was, he could quickly tell that his choice of bed would lead to a bad back in the morning. He looked up at the bed. Brighteyes was so small. There was a lot of space. Jesse wouldn’t even have to lay that close to her…
He blinked and looked back up into the ceiling. He was a married man. He had made a promise. To share a bed with a woman (because ghoul as she was becoming, Windy still was a woman) who was not his wife would be a sin in all senses of the word. A bad back mattered little compared to the state of his immortal soul and the weight of his vows. Jesse closed his eyes and sighed, attempting to empty his mind of all thoughts of sin and Windy and the bed that looked oh so comfortable. However, the thoughts remained. The floor was hard and cold, and his shoulder blades and spine had already begun to ache. At this point he was certain that sleeping on the floor would mess up his back, and that was worrying. He would need to be nimble and able to move quickly the next day, and a bad back would jeopardise the whole plan (or at least that’s what he told himself). Jesse slowly got up from the floor, and carefully sat down at the foot of the bed, hoping not to wake Windy.
“What’s up?”
Her head shot up immediately with her question; clearly, she had not fallen asleep yet. Jesse fidgeted with a crease in the sheet, nerves keeping him from looking Windy in the eye.
“Mind if I sleep here instead? I’ll stay at the foot of the bed, you can stay where you are.”
“Oh, sure.”
Without another word, Windy laid down again. If Jesse looked at her, he might have thought her sleepy and calm, without a care in the world. If he had listened closely though, he might have heard how Windy’s heart was racing. It had been beating a breakneck speed since the moment he stepped into her room. She had created her little nest and gotten herself all tangled up in it to keep herself in check. If her body was free to move, she might have gotten up and done something silly. Discipline, control, was what she needed so that she would not get down on the floor next to Jesse and…
When she suddenly felt Jesse’s weight on the bed, she immediately reacted to it. Of course he could sleep on the bed, but Windy also knew that it would put her discipline to the test. He settled down and she laid back down again, but sleep was the last thing on her mind. It was as if the entire room had gone electric; her skin was prickling, her heart was rushing, she could hear the blood in her ears, and her entire body was stiff from focusing on not reaching out to Jesse. She was so aware of his presence, it was like every nerve ending in her body was firing. It didn’t matter though, she could not do anything. He did not belong to her and she respected that, but that did not stop her from yearning. She snuggled deeper into her nest, twisting the blanket even tighter around her body to keep from touching him. Restrained, she finally drifted off to sleep.
Jesse had closed his eyes, but was far from falling asleep. As comfortable as the bed was, his mind was at war. He was so far away from Windy, did it really count as if he shared a bed with her? The pious part of him argued that yes, he was breaking his promise to his wife. Another part, one that was tucked away but had reared its tiny head now, argued that Jesse needed to be in good bodily condition tomorrow, and that he couldn’t really touch Windy from here, not even by accident. There was no sin to be had, he had no other choice! There is always a choice, chanted the pious voice. You could have chosen any other companion to share rooms with, it didn’t have to be Windy. You could have found a way to make the floor more comfortable. You could have tried the chair. You chose the easy choice, the sinful choice. It’s not just about comfort. Jesse furrowed his brow. No, it is just about comfort. Just ignore the connection, the pull he felt to Brighteyes. Never mind the way in which he could sense her warmth even now, as far apart as they were. He could hear her soft breathing; it had slowed down, steady and calm. She was asleep. He tried to practise restraint, he really did, but he couldn’t help it. His eyes fluttered open, and he turned his head to the side, gazing at Windy’s sleeping form. His eyes wandered, taking in the way her body raised and lowered with each breath. In the dark it was hard to discern her face though. He watched her sleep for a moment, envying how easy this was for her. Eventually satisfied (was he really satisfied though?) Jesse closed his eyes and let the darkness consume him.
Windy’s sleep did not last until the morning. Instead, she woke up in the middle of the night. Her blanket had loosened around her body, but she didn’t feel like tangling herself up in it again. She was still aware of Jesse’s presence. She could hear him breathing, clearly asleep at this point. She dared to peek at his sleeping form; his head was turned towards her, but he was sleeping on his back. Her restraints were already loosened, and she was barely aware of the fact that her body was moving; she moved to lay on her side, face to face with Jesse. The electricity had subsided now, and Windy instead felt at ease. Jesse was in front of her, where she could see him and protect him from anything that may sneak up in the night to harm him. She looked at him. He looked so peaceful when sleeping. She couldn’t help but smile; when he was awake he often had a serious look on his face, a look you’d expect from someone much older than him, but when he was sleeping he looked his age. Before she could stop herself, her hand reached out to Jesse’s face and carefully brushed aside a lock of hair that had fallen into his closed eyes. His breathing quickened and Windy quickly retracted her hand; she breathed a sigh of relief when he stayed asleep. She spent several minutes just watching him sleep, feeling content. Her eyes grew heavy, and she began to drift into sleep once more. She stayed close to Jesse though.
Just for tonight, let me lose all restraints.