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1: late nights
Sam was tired. So, so tired. It had been months since he started chasing all these leads to find Steve’s old friend, who conveniently and obviously had to be the proclaimed Winter Soldier, an assassin that nobody has escaped and lived to tell the tale. Steve is convinced the man has changed, repeatedly telling Sam every time he questioned that he saw the man come out of his shell with his bare eyes, even after he had torn Sam’s wing off and thrown him off the helicarrier. But, of course, Sam had to be kind enough to say yeah sure, I’ll help you, guy I’ve only seen in textbooks, go and find your friend who tried to kill us both. How hard could it be? Turns out, it was so fucking difficult that Sam was pretty sure he’d spotted at least 5 new grey hairs on his head ever since the whole Where’s Waldo thing started. Sighing, he fell back onto the hotel bed that could engulf him and he’d die happy. The search had led him to Andorra, and although it was a gorgeous place, he really would kill to go home and just sleep in his bed until the next decade. The man was, as per usual, nowhere to be seen. He was like a ghost, leaving trails for Sam to find, only to just disappear in thin air. Sam was starting to deem the whole thing as pointless. It’d been around 4 months since Steve left him on the mission by himself, doing other, much more important things, that left him no time for the search. But, Sam continued. He had to. For Steve, for himself, in a way. It gave him a purpose.
But it felt pretty purposeless at the moment.
Sam groaned, rubbing the heels of his hands into his eyes, “Why can’t he just find me and get it over with?”
“Found you.” A deep, gruffly voice said, making Sam sit up so quickly that his head spun. Through his dizziness, Sam glanced around the dark room (damn him for forgetting to turn on the lights), looking around until a shadowed figure stepped into the strip of moonlight from the slip of the curtains. The man looked rough. Sam gulped. His hair was stringy and definitely matted as it fell down to his shoulders, and his clothes looked like he’d been wearing them since last century, and Sam wouldn’t be surprised if that was true. Aside from that, he looked exactly how he did in the American history books that Sam had read in high school, if not the tiniest bit older. It was already odd to see Steve, the American savior whose body was never found, but it was stranger to see James Buchanan Barnes, the soldier whose body was also never found, but they were so sure that he had died in their battles that it really was crazy that he was there, standing in front of Sam.
He was so starstruck that he couldn’t control the words that slipped out of his mouth, “You look like shit.” The other man raised his eyebrow, and that’s when Sam knew it, he was going to die and it was because of what his mama always said: for running his damn mouth.
But the soldier didn’t slash Sam’s throat, or toss him out the window, he simply stated, “Stop following me.”
Sam gulped, fumbling around for something, anything to protect himself but he stopped trying when he remembered that the man across from him could probably kill him with a spoon. Instead, Sam just shuffled backward on the bed until his back hit the headboard, like that’d protect him. “I can’t stop following you. Steve. Remember him? He wants you back. To go with him.”
The soldier huffed, “I’m not the same person he knew. Tell him to stop.”
Sam somehow found it in himself to laugh at the suggestion, “Telling Steve to stop will only urge him further. You should know that. Why don’t you just make this easier and come with me?” Sam got a growl in response that sent a shiver down his spine, “Okay. Not an option.”
They were silent for a bit. Sam didn’t take his eyes off the long-haired man once, and the long-haired man didn’t take his eyes off Sam. Sam was doing it in a defensive way, not wanting the man to suddenly pounce on him, but the other man looked like he was studying Sam, his eyebrows scrunched as he glanced over Sam’s whole body. When he spoke it was sudden, “Do you ever go home?”
Sam was surprised, but cleared his throat to speak anyways, “You’re my mission. I go home when you come with me.”
The man frowned, and ripped his eyes to the crack in the curtain, stepping back, “I’m not worth all of this. I’ve fucking killed people.”
“It wasn’t your fault. Hydra,” it didn’t go unnoticed to Sam the way the soldier twitched at the words, “it’s their fault. They did this. We can help you. Steve thinks you’re worth it, and I trust his judgment.”
“I don’t need your fucking help,” said the soldier, visibly frustrated as he ran his hands through his tangled hair, “I need H- them to be gone. All of them.”
He was panting like he had run up some stairs, his chest heaving as his fists clenched. It was clearly a tricky subject, but Sam decided to push, “Is that what we’re doing? Travelling around the world to find their bases? Steve had said that they’d been showing up destroyed and abandoned.”
No response. Just cold, blue eyes meeting Sam’s own welcoming, brown ones.
“Okay. I’ll assume yes, it is. Listen,” Sam really was going to regret what he was going to say, “It’s not often I invite criminals into my hotel rooms, but I think you could do with a shower. Or somewhere to sleep. I won’t tell Steve, or force you to come home with me, I promise.”
The man paused, only to scowl, and Sam, for some reason, wanted to smile, but forced it down. He watched as the soldier (Bucky? Barnes? James?) moved over to the window, opening it as far as it could go and lifting his leg out onto the other side. However, before he left, he looked over at Sam with the demand of-
“Stop following me.”
“Find me again next time, Steve will want to know how you’re doing!” Sam called, the man already went out the window, but Sam knew that he had heard it. It probably wasn’t smart to egg on an assassin, but Sam wasn’t afraid of the Winter Soldier. That was probably going to be an issue.
It was definitely going to be an issue. Sam needed to tell Steve.
2
Sam didn’t tell Steve. He didn’t tell Steve before they caught Bucky and had this whole civil war bullshit that he and Bucky had already met a plethora of times before. He didn’t tell Steve that in the two years they’d been searching for, they had gone to restaurants in practically all of Europe and slept in the same hotel rooms. He didn’t tell Steve that he had gotten shot when he and Bucky tried to take down a Hydra base (successfully) and Bucky had to patch him up, or that Bucky would often fade in and out of consciousness and Sam had to snap him out of it. And Sam certainly didn’t tell Steve that he and Bucky had fucked enough for even God to look away at the intimacy.
It wasn’t a thing. Well, it was a thing, but it wasn’t a thing thing. At least, that was what Sam kept telling himself, even though his heart rate spiked every time Bucky had scoped him out, and not in fear like people would expect. It was just anticipation. Sam knew that good sex was on the way. It wasn’t the long conversations in his hotel rooms, or the surprisingly good meals that Bucky would make when provided with the materials to do so. Totally. Surely. Definitely.
Either way, it was a bit awkward on the jet flying away from the Raft with Bucky sitting across from him with his eyes locked on Sam, not even deterred when Steve gave him a curious eyebrow, he just kept his eye on Sam’s figure, and it was beginning to make Sam shift uncomfortably. It had been 30 minutes since Steve had fallen asleep at Sam’s left side, joining everyone else who were sleeping in the back. Although Sam himself couldn’t sleep, and hadn’t for days, he was glad that Steve was finally resting, if only for a little bit. They all needed some good sleep after, well, everything. But that relief quickly turned into discomfort as Bucky was still staring, They had been flying for at least a few hours at this point, and yet it seemed like Bucky hadn’t even moved a tad. It was getting weird, and that’s saying something. Especially as it was now only the two of them awake.
Sam decided to take a risk, tilting his head at Bucky, “Hey. You could stop the staring, you know?” He whispered, trying not to wake Steve, but Bucky’s gaze didn’t waver, he only squinted in what seemed to be anger. Sam sighed. He was so fucking sleep-deprived and wasn’t in the mood for whatever Bucky was doing. “What’s that look for? What have I done to your ass that wasn’t sticking by your side throughout all of this bullshit?” Sam whisper-shouted, still quiet, but that only seemed to make Bucky’s stare angrier as he clenched his jaw. Sam shifted, and felt a sharp pang in his side that made him hiss. That seemed to calm Bucky’s sour mood, even by the tiniest bit, as he finally spoke.
“You’re hurt.” Bucky said, and his voice was husky like he hadn’t used it in days.
“No shit. You’re not looking too hot either, Barnes. And could you be a bit quieter, at least?” Sam responded, glancing down at Steve, who was now leaning half his body weight on his side.
“None of this would’ve happened if it wasn’t for me.” Bucky huffed, and his voice didn’t quiet in any way whatsoever. In annoyance, Sam rolled his eyes, not in the mood in any way whatsoever for Bucky’s self-pitying attitude.
“Man, we’re all adults. This happened because of all of our fucking choices. Everything that happens in the world is not your fault.” Sam tilted his head, watching as the words clearly didn’t go into Bucky’s head as his eyes fell towards Sam’s neck, and his frown only deepened.
“You’re hurt.” Bucky repeated, and Sam knew what he meant as he brought his right hand up to his throat, feeling the bruises in the same spot that Bucky’s hands were in when he threw Sam across the room.
Sam scoffed, dropping his hand, “Well, they’re not bruises I’ve never had before. Especially from y-”
“Sam.” Bucky’s eyes finally moved from Sam to glance at Steve, who was still in a deep sleep.
“Oh, so now you care about volume?” Sam teased, letting a smile lift his cheeks and show off his gap, and he watched as Bucky’s eyes flickered down to his mouth, only for a split second, but Sam still smirked as he saw it. “And, don’t go saying my name like you know me, Barnes. Might make Steve think we know each other.”
“Don’t joke. The issue is the fact that you’ve stuck beside me throughout all this, even now. I could’ve killed you,” Bucky put his hand into his lap, Bucky’s eyes following the movement, before looking at Sam once again, “I couldkill you.”
“I know,” Sam raised his eyebrow, “Will you?” Sam asked, no humor in his tone as he met Bucky’s intense gaze. Bucky swapped his eyes between both of Sam’s, swallowing heavily before he sighed.
“You’re difficult.”
“Surprised you haven’t noticed by now.” Sam smiled, and Bucky didn’t smile, but he wasn’t frowning either, so he took that as a win. He yawned, leaning to his left so he could lean back onto Steve, “Besides, if you were planning to kill me all this time, I quite enjoyed the work you’ve done up to it.”
There was that toothy grin. “Go to sleep, Sam.”
Sam did.
3
Wakanda was great. Sam understood why Bucky would prefer to stay here than anywhere else. The people were welcoming and kept trying to invite Sam in for dinner, even if he was only there to see Bucky for a short period. They had agreed on it, him and Steve. Steve would visit, then Sam, and they’d frequently alternate just to check up on the man. Sam was sure that Steve had caught on to their relations, as he would often just tell Sam to skip his turn and tell Sam to check in for him. He knew Steve had been weirdly still during their conversation on the jet. And that’s why Sam was walking to the man’s hut at the moment, his footsteps instinctual as he found himself outside of the door. He knocked: twice quick, twice slow. He waited for a few seconds before he opened the door to see Bucky’s back turned as he washed his hand, his back muscles prominent through the white, tight-fitting tank top that definitely didn’t make Sam drool.
“Long time, no see.” Bucky spoke, turning around with a soft smile, wiping his hand onto his shirt.
Sam snickered, “It’s been 2 weeks.” He set his bag down onto the floor, and kicked off his shoes before walking over to the kitchen, leaning against the counter.
“Like I said, a while. No Steve this time?” Bucky asked, walking over.
“Nah. He and Nat are doing some work, and I needed the rest. What, you rather him than me?” Sam questioned, eating the grape that Bucky offered to him.
“His constant mothering and wandering if I’m alright? Never that.” Bucky joked, making the both of them laugh. It wasn’t long until they made it over to the couch, sitting side by side and updating one another on how their lives have been recently. Bucky talked about the goats and how Shuri kept forcing him to babysit, the words filled with distaste, but the smile on his face stayed constant. Sam’s heart clenched.
“I know we just talked about Steve mothering, but truly, are you doing okay?” It was almost innate the way that Sam worried about Bucky. You play cat and mouse with a guy for 2 years and you get scared that one day the mouse will disappear forever.
“I’m okay, Sam. I’m sure Steve’s shown you my letters. I love it here.” He sighed happily, resting his head back on the back of the couch. He really did look gorgeous.
“I can tell. You look good, Bucky.” The words slipped out, and Bucky’s smile turned more sheepish as his cheeks reddened at the words.
“Says you. Growing out your hair?” Bucky deflected, and Sam rolled his eyes as he reached underneath Bucky’s head for the hair tie in his hair, and released the locks from their cage. Running his hands through his hair, he shrugged.
“Nothing compared to this head of hair you’ve got on your head.” He slithered his hand down to gently brush over Bucky’s chin, “And here.” He moved his hand back to Bucky’s hair, “Never cut it, you hear me?” Sam tugged a bit, watching as Bucky’s baby blues were engulfed by black.
“I promise.” Bucky swallowed slowly, watching as Sam brought his other hand over to braid a section of Bucky’s hair at the nape of his neck.
“Good.” Sam avoided Bucky’s look as he braided, wanting to bask in the moment for just a little longer. They weren’t in a relationship, still. They definitely weren't strangers/enemies/friends-sort-of with benefits anymore. They weren’t friends, either. It was something else entirely. Something deeper. They still fucked, however Sam noticed how Bucky’s looks became more and more intense with every meeting they had, and he was pretty sure he was looking at Bucky with the same stare. But, Bucky didn’t mention it. So, Sam didn’t, either. “And with my hair, it’s a part of my undercover look. Steve says it works for me.” He laughed at Bucky’s low growl, “Down, boy. He’s just being nice.”
“Was he being nice when he put his dick into you, sweetheart?” Bucky closed his eyes, his tone relaxed as he spoke.
The vulgar words made Sam retract his hands as he sputtered, “How do you even know that? It was a fling while we were looking for you!”
Bucky grinned mischeviously, his canines clear as he looked at Sam, his head still on the back of the couch, “You forget I was looking for you back. You didn’t close the curtains fully.”
Sam groaned in annoyance as he pushed Bucky’s face with his hand, “You’re a freak.”
When he went to bring his hand back, Bucky’s hand grasped onto his wrist, resting the palm to the centre of his chest and putting his own hand on top of Sam’s, “How long are you here for?”
Sam sighed, raising his thumb to brush against the side of Bucky’s hand, “Just tonight. Maybe tomorrow night if it’s not too bad.”
“I’m sorry.”
Sam snapped his eyes upwards to look at Bucky, who was already looking at his face, “What?”
“You have barely seen your family in the past few years. I feel like-”
“It’s all your fault?” Sam finished, already having played this game many times with Bucky before. “I chose to chase your ass across the world. I’m doing this all for a good cause, I’m sure that even after you get a couple of slaps, my family will understand.”
“You would let your family meet me?” That seemed to shock Bucky as he began to pull away, but Sam flipped his hand to hold Bucky’s.
“You’re not that bad. If anything, I’m glad this happened. Who else would do everything for me?” Sam leaned forward, resting his forehead against Bucky’s, and luckily, Bucky didn’t pull away as he huffed.
“I don’t do everything for you.”
“I’m thirsty. Get me some water.” Sam ordered.
“Fuck you.” Bucky spat, getting up to find a glass.
4
Steve and Tony were dead and Sam hadn’t let out one tear. He couldn’t find it in himself to push a singular drop out. They would both be angry at him if he did, Steve would say that he’d overrun his course, anyways, and Tony would probably say something stupid like You care about me, Wilson? So, no, Sam didn’t cry. It had been 3 weeks since Steve’s funeral, a month since Tony’s. He was sitting on the bench where Steve had given him the shield, Steve’s shield, smoking a cigarette. It was dark but the sky was so clear that Sam could see the stars reflect from the surface of the water. He hadn’t smoked in over a decade, but the occasion seemed right. They’d lost, then won, only to lose again. Sam wasn’t sure if he would rather he was still gone if it meant that the world could still have Steve there. And Sarah, Sarah. After minimal research, it was clear that Sarah had survived the Snap, along with AJ and Cass. She was now closer to him in age than ever before, the 7 year difference changing to just 2. And then there’s AJ and Cass, who Sam remembers holding in his arms, AJ and Cass, who were now probably up to his hip.
“Fuck.” Sam breathed, the whole thing screwing with his mind.
“Are you trying to kill yourself? Put that out.” A voice said, but unlike other times, Sam didn’t jump, only glanced back at Bucky and looked back out to the lake. Pepper had been letting them stay in one of the houses she and Tony owned nearby, saying they could stay there as long as they wanted, to which Sam responded with it would only be a short time. Pepper didn’t even question the fact that the two preferred to sleep in the same bed even with the multiple rooms in the home. Not like they did anything (although Pepper definitely thought so. Sam found condoms in a drawer that definitely didn’t have them before), it was just good to have someone sleeping beside you after everything.
“These were of your time. You, of all people, shouldn’t be judging me.” Sam put the cigarette back to his lips, only to have it pulled out and crushed beneath Bucky’s hand.
“And yet, I’m still judging you. What’s on your mind?” Bucky moved to sit beside him, their thighs pressed snug against one another.
“What isn’t on my mind? Everyone’s mind?” Sam looked over at the other man, and Bucky just raised his eyebrow, urging him to speak. Sam shook his head with a small smile, “You’re difficult.”
Bucky grinned at the callback, “Surprised you haven’t noticed by now. Talk to me, Sam.”
Sam returned his gaze to the lake, watching as bubbles rose in various places due to the fish beneath the surface. How did the fish feel when they got snapped? Did they wonder where their family was, only to die before they came back? “It’s Steve. Tony. The shield, My family. I feel guilty, just thinking about myself when everyone else in the world has lost people aswell.”
“Do you think everyone else is thinking about you too?” Bucky pointed out, and Sam couldn’t think of something to reply with. Slowly, Sam could see Bucky’s hand in his peripheral moving slowly onto the top of his own hand, “You’re too selfless. Let yourself be selfish for once.”
“How are you so okay with this?”
Bucky shrugged, “I made my peace with the whole idea of Steve leaving before the thought popped into his head.”
The thought of Steve made Sam feel sick, and the thoughts that rose made him even more nauseous. He pulled his hand away from Bucky’s, and moved to the edge of the bench. He ignored how he missed the warmth. “Bucky.”
“Mhm?”
Turning his head, he scanned Bucky’s face, that still hadn’t strayed from his own. He pursed his mouth before speaking, “Can I ask you something?”
“Anything.”
Here goes, Sam thought. “Did you know that he was leaving? Did he tell you?” The words practically flew from his mouth. It had been something on his mind ever since, the way Bucky wasn’t panicking when Steve disappeared for longer than he was supposed to, or when he reappeared old. It had made him unbelievably angry. Jealous. Confused. And his theories were confirmed as Bucky cricked his neck uncomfortably, but didn’t look away like he usually would.
“Yes.” Bucky affirmed, and Sam sucked in a deep breath, once again looking to the lake, like it contained all the answers of the Earth. If only.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Sam asked, his voice breaking slightly, but still, no tears were fighting for their way out.
Bucky reached for his hands again, Sam let him but he didn’t spare a glance at the man, or hold him back, too hurt at the thought of betrayal. “I wanted to. I told him to tell you, too. Told him it was wrong. But, he said it was better this way, because if anything, your convincing ass would find a way to stop him. But, he said it was best. Said the world was tired of him and needed someone new. Someone better. I agreed.”
Sam couldn’t stop his scoff, “Better than Steve? You both have lost your minds.” Sam shook his head, closing his eyes and dropping his head. It was bullshit. Steve left him, after everything they did together, fought through together, he left. Now Sam didn’t know what to do with himself. He hadn’t seen his family in years, would they even want to see him after he practically abandoned them for a man he met once? Did anyone even remember him?
“He asked me to go with him.”
Sam whipped his head up and over to Bucky, “What? And you didn’t go?”
“I didn’t know what would happen. Steve said we would find a way, but I didn’t want to risk it. Plus, I didn’t want to go either way.” For the first time in their whole conversation, the roles reversed as Sam watched Bucky while Bucky looked out to the water, “I have more here than I did back then.”
The words tugged at Sam’s heart, the clear implications making his throat close up and a wetness come about his eyes.
“Do you want to go home now?”
Bucky looked back at him with a soft smile, “Yeah, sweetheart. Sure.”
That night was probably the most intimate night of their lives. Nothing was rushed, every touch was gentle and filled with something that Sam didn’t want to name. They didn’t need words, with all this time together, it was like everything was strategically coordinated, each movement intentional. Bucky was gentle with Sam, like he was trying to savor him, so Sam in turn savored Bucky as he wrapped his arms around the older man’s neck, bringing him down to memorise his lips, as if he hadn’t done the same thing many times before. When Bucky pulled out, he flopped on top of Sam, Sam’s hands immediately making their way up to his hair. Sam let the both of them bask in the moment before he spoke, desperate.
“Please don’t leave. You’re all I have.” Sam whispered against Bucky’s head, too late to be shy about being vulnerable, but Sam was, nonetheless.
He felt a kiss on his chest, “I won’t.”
When Sam woke up the next day, it was the first time in their times together that he had woken up alone.
5
“Just try it!”
“I’m not trying a store bought oreo cake. Are you trying to kill me?!” Sam pushed the fork away, laughing at Bucky’s pout. The party had just about ended, there were still a few stragglers, but there was no one else on their side of the dock. They were dangling their feet off the edge, Bucky holding a paper plate in his hand with a slice of cake, trying to force feed Sam.
“I bought this for you, you know? You said you liked cake.” Bucky complained, still holding the fork up.
“Yeah, home made. And if store bought, vanilla. Oreo is a death sentence in a box.” Sam corrected, bumping Bucky’s shoulder with his own.
“Wait, say oreo again.”
Sam furrowed his eyebrows, “What? Or-” The fork was suddenly shoved into his mouth, and a hand was under his jaw, forcing him to chew. The cream with the cookie was definitely something that could take out a Victorian child, but it was insanely good. Damn Bucky for being right.
“Like it?” Bucky smiled, and Sam forced a scowl onto his face.
“Fuck you.”
“You have a little-” Bucky reached out, wiping some cream from the side of Sam’s mouth and putting that same finger into his own mouth. Sam’s stomach jumped at the sight.
“Weirdo.” Sam lied, smiling a smile that was way too big for his face, “Thank you. For all of this. Everyone here loves you.” Including me.
“Shouldn’t I be thanking you?”
“Can you just take the compliment?” Sam poked at his side, and Bucky jumped, pushing Sam’s hand away.
“Fine, fine, fine.”
“You should stay tonight. Maybe for the rest of the week. And don’t go refusing, you know Sarah loves it when you wash the dishes. And the boys love having you around to play. So what do you say?”
When Sam looked over at Bucky, the man’s eyes were wide and dilated in a way that Sam’s never seen before. It wasn’t lustful or with any sort of intent that Sam could recognise, and with the way that Sam had dedicated enough time in his life to memorise the other man’s face, he had every right to be surprised. It was as if Bucky had seen straight through him.
“Bucky?”
“I think I’m in love with you.” Bucky blurted, and Sam’s jaw dropped. “Actually, I know I’m in love with you. We’ve been doing this game for years now, and I can’t take it anymore. I love you, Sam. I’ve been in love with you ever since you offered to let me stay in your hotel room. You’re the only person I’ve ever met that hasn’t tried to change me and accepts me for who I am. You recognise that I am who I used to be, but also not at the same time. You let me meet your family, something not many people would do. I have a lot of things I regret, but one thing I’ve never regretted was getting involved with you. But, it’s getting too much. I don’t want a little bit of you, I want all of you.”
Sam’s mouth was still open, and he probably looked insanely stupid at the moment, gaping at Bucky like he’d spoken another language. But, Bucky, the angel, was patient and waited for Sam to find his words, but it didn’t take him too long to find them. He reached his hand around Bucky’s neck, pushing him forward until their foreheads met.
“I love you, too. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before.”
“Don’t be sorry. I’m just glad I have you now.”
Sam didn’t know which one of them closed the gap, but the kiss they had was unlike any kiss they’d had before. It felt different - real. Official.
+1:heartbreak
Sam heard the quick succession of knocks: twice quick, twice slow. He heard keys rattle on the other side, and watched as the door opened in front of him, showing a disheveled Bucky. Relieved, he threw himself into Bucky’s arms immediately, feeling two arms tentatively wrap around him.
“Are you okay?” Sam breathed.
“I’m fine, sweetheart.” As soon as Sam heard the confirmation, he pushed Bucky away and walked into the home further. “Sam-”
“New Avengers, huh?” Sam’s worry was overtaken by the simmering anger that boiled beneath it.
“It wasn’t- We didn’t know, Sam.” Bucky urged, following him, but Sam only shook his head.
“You surely were fucking quiet up there, though, Buck. Don’t you remember how hard I fought for this title? The times where I couldn’t sleep, scared of what the public would think?” Sam waited for an answer and Bucky visibly winced.
“I remember.”
“So you also remember when I mentioned starting the Avengers up again?” Sam urged, crossing his arms defensively.
“I remember, Sam, listen-”
“Did you not think to, I don’t know, call me before you went on this impromptu mission? The mission that made me think you had fucking died in front of me, getting engulfed by something that was a 4 hour drive away? Fucking unbelievable.” Sam panted, pushing his heels into his eyes. He heard footsteps come closer, and felt Bucky pull his hands away from his eyes.
“You’re going to hurt yourself-”
“What? Like you did? Walking into that thing that was only a chamber of trauma, what were you thinking? Walking into it with Walker! He tried to kill us, remember that, honey? Put that shield right above my chest and-”
“Sam!” Bucky yelled, pleading with Sam, his eyes desperate. “Please, it wasn’t anything like that. It was just…a coincidence. Everything that happened. You know I’ve been trying to take down Valentina, and this all was just a result of that. I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t know that dickhead John would be there, however it was my choice to do all of this. But, the outcome wasn’t my choice. I’m trying to fix it, Sam. I promise you.”
Sam could hate himself at the moment. “The one time you decide to listen to my words, huh?” Sam laughed at it all, in utter disbelief. He knows Bucky is probably telling the truth, but his heart can’t tell the difference.
“Please. I will explain it all to you, Sam. If you just listen.”
But Sam didn’t want to listen. He wanted Bucky to leave and take everything with him. He wanted to cry and yell and ask Bucky why he would do this to him, why would he lie to him again? He stepped out of Bucky’s grip, wiping his eyes.
“Why didn’t you tell me you were leaving, Buck? I woke up and you were gone. Nothing from you. Is it me? Did you feel like you couldn’t tell me?”
Bucky looked hurt that Sam had even thought as such, “No, Sam. Not that. I didn’t want to involve you in something that could get me in trouble.”
Now that just made Sam angry again. “That’s what I’m here for, asshole. When you said you loved me- hell, before that, I was in it. I didn’t agree with the Accords, and I didn’t beat your ass up for breaking out Zemo, and I’ve been involved in so many of your so-called messes, that they’re ours. But, now you want to worry about my reputation? Who cares if I’m Captain America, I’m still your Sam. You’re still my fucking Bucky.” Sam’s face felt hot as tears began to well up at the whole situation. He had been so overwhelmed; everything on the TV had happened so quickly, and Sam couldn’t process it all. He knows that it was difficult to process for Bucky too, but it had been an entire day since the whole thing happened, and Bucky still hadn’t called him. Not even a text. All Sam saw were the photoshoots and the social media posts declaring them as the ‘New Avengers.’
“Sweetheart, I’m so sorry. I wasn’t thinking.” Bucky reached out for him, but Sam moved back.
“I’m going to bed.” Sam abruptly announced, turning around and going to their joined bedroom, way too many thoughts running through his mind. It was no surprise that he felt a dip in the bed behind him later that night, but it was a surprise when no arm wrapped around his waist like usual. Sighing, he reached back, finding a metal hand and wrapping it around his own waist.
“Sam?” He heard Bucky say, but he didn’t respond. He was still angry, and they’d probably fight when they woke up. But, he was glad that Bucky was home.