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"Next up: Giarratana, Angela. If you'd like to come in and take a seat Mr Johnson will be seeing now."
Angela nervously gets up from her seat in line and heads into the office, a few of the other girls offer her hollow wishes of good luck. Angela knows they're fake but at this point she'll take any encouragement she can get, she's been stressing about this part since she first submitted her audition tape. In the office she's greeted by a friendly well dressed man who shakes her hand and gestures for her to sit on the couch across from his desk, he sets up the camera and begins the interview.
[Mr Johnson] "Nice to meet you miss Giarratana, can I call you Angela?"
[Angela] "Yes of course, it's nice to meet you too Mr Johnson."
[Mr Johnson] "Oh please call me Mike, now I have to say we were very impressed with your tape. You were actually among the first people we selected to move on to the next stage of the auditions."
[Angela] "Oh thank you very much Mike, I really want to get this part so I'm pulling out all the stops to impress you."
[Mike] "Hey we really appreciate that kind of drive in our applicants. So as you told us over the phone you have a predominantly musical theatre Shakespeare background, studied at UCLA and Oxford, it's all very impressive indeed. Now you were asked to prepare a few short monologues so we can see how comfortable you are reading on camera, you have those with you?"
[Angela] "Oh I didn't bring the scripts with me I memorized them."
[Mike] "Impressive initiative, take it away whenever you're ready."
Angela takes a moment to collect herself, if she messes up these monologues it could kill her chances landing this part.
[Angela] "Okay so this first one is called Always Smiling *ahem*," she puts on a big smile and looks into the camera.
[Angela] "Smile! It helps, Lynne.
Try working in finance for a Fortune 100. You want to talk about high pressure, high stress?
But I always, always smile. Yesterday, one of the senior execs I’d seen around, but never actually talked to, he calls me out on it.
“Why are you always smiling?” Sort of half joking, but there’s an edge to it, right?
And he goes “Yeah, it’s one of two things. Either you haven’t been at the company too long or you’re new to this role.”
So I say “Well, I’ve been with the company for 10 years so I’m sufficiently tainted.”
“Oh, 10 years,” he says, “but new to this role, right?”
And I’m sure he expected me to say “Right,” so he could say, “See, I knew it! You’ll lose that smile soon enough!” Or something.
But instead I say, “Well, there are two options. A, I can be unhappy to be here or B, I can be happy to be here. Yeah, I am new to this role, and I like option B.”
And he chuckles a little, and says, “I like you!”
And guess what? Every time he sees me in the hall now, he gives me a big smile! Aha haha!"
[Mike] "Great, short and sweet, I like it."
[Angela] "Are you sure? I felt like I forced the laugh at the end."
[Mike] "No no you're fine, your next monologue please."
[Angela] "Okay um, this one is called Quiche Isn't Sexy."
[Mike] "I'm already intrigued, whenever you are ready."
Angela adopts an unimpressed demeanor.
[Angela] "Quiche isn't Sexy. Its pretentious. Quiche is an egg trying to be more than breakfast. It's an omelet disguising itself as a savory pie. It’s the perky beginning to one’s day when it should be the lusty end.
You could have made a rack of lamb, rare and wonderful. Small bites would turn to large bites and soon we’d have the lamb bones in our hands and we’d be devouring it. After, we’d devour each other.
Lamb is delicious and impossible not to devour … you can’t help yourself. You try to start slow but something drives you to go faster and faster and you don’t care if you get covered in juices and flesh because you’re … well, you’re not eating a Quiche.
A Quiche is eaten in tiny, dainty bites. One does not devour a Quiche. And by serving me a Quiche, you are telling me something.
That’s why, as sweet as this Quiche is … it’s the pretense of a romantic dinner. It’s two children kissing on the lips and exchanging promise rings. An egg is basically immature chicken. You see? We haven’t hatched. We’ve tried. But neither you nor I are interested in what you’ve put on the menu."
[Mike] "Pretty tasty chops, let's see something a bit more dramatic for the next couple takes."
[Angela] "Alright um, here's a monologue from the Great Gatsby *ahem*
The way she stepped out in front of the car. Like she thought she knew us. You say she's probably fine. But I don't think she's probably fine at all. When things all get to be too exciting and I get dizzy I go a little blind. Don't you think?
I think maybe nothing gets too much for you. I think maybe you can take in everything in the world and be always steady. Long before we met, when I was a very little girl. There was this boy. Son of daddy's valet. My age. And one time I was standing at the doors looking out on the east garden - he ran by and he- he touched me.
"You're it." He said. He had these blue eyes. A little like yours. He laughed and ran off. "Come and get me Daisy." I thought it strange, he knew my name. I didn't know his. I giggled and before my nanny could grab ahold.. I alighted after him.
"I'll get you, I'll get you." I'd never run so fast or so hard. My white dress was billowing all around me like sails on stormy seas. I felt my breath so fast. Crashing in and out in waves. At last I caught up to and caught that little boy. Tackled him to the ground, felt my hands on our lawn, warm from the sun, I ripped a handful of grass, tossed it in his face. And I laughed. He laughed, too...
"You naughty naughty- naughty... boy.". I was still.. on top of him. "Boy, what's your name?" I asked. He opened his mouth to speak. His father ran over before he could... Pulled him from under me. Like a rag doll, his tiny arm twisting impossibly. He hit his little boy so hard and walked me back toward my Nanny who was running toward us.
My mother had come out, which was unheard of. I rarely saw her afternoons until dinner time. She grabbed me and looked so deep into my eyes and said - "My darling dear, my foolish little dear. You mustn't run so fast. You'll get dizzy and hurt yourself. And with such a little boy." I remember fathers valet saying he was sorry over and over to my mother and I wondered what for. And then my mother took me inside and I remember being very happy- because she was having mint juleps and small bites with her girlfriends and I got to join her.
And you know, I didn't think of that little boy again. Not until now. But thinking of that now, I guess I never saw the boy after that. I think he was sent away, maybe.. I don't think I've ever felt so dizzy as that day until tonight.
I'm sorry- I'm not sure why I'm rambling on like this my love- except perhaps it's from the shock. My mind is racing with so many thoughts, I... Perhaps for tonight, you should take me home. I think I need to just lay down, in my own bed, until things stop spinning.. You needn't worry. My husband has always been gentle with me. He'll leave me to my rest. I promise you, no no he won't lay a hand on me. . I promise you, he won't excite me further. He'll let me sleep.
Yes darling - please, please just take me home. Tomorrow when everything is fresh- you and me and our mad ride this evening...it will all feel like a dream, and everything will return to normal...everything will be just as it was...in the light of day...don't you think? Now take me home, dear one. I'm ready to go home."
[Mike] "Incredible, really sold the pathos, now give me even more this time."
Angela works herself up into a panicked state.
[Angela] "Don't do it! Don’t open that little box one more crack! Don’t ask me to marry you. Shh, shh, shh. Don’t say another word. Just listen.
I can’t let you do this to me. I mean, before I met you I used be such a jerk. I mean, seriously, everyone at work thought I was a huge jerk. No one actually liked me. Those people I introduced to you as my friends. They're not my friends. They're scared of me.
But since being with you, I’ve begun to feel all...warm inside. Fuzzy. I find myself wanting to stroll in the park and whistle!
I have these thoughts, these urges to donate to charities and help out in soup kitchens, and hug people.
Don’t you see? Don’t you see you’re making me NICE!? And what really scares me is that you’ll open that box and ask me to marry you, and I’ll...I’ll just nicely say “yes,” and then I’ll be nice for life.
Please, for the love of God, put that box away. I mean, the planet already has millions of nice people. It doesn’t need me too. Please, stop, don’t—I’m asking you – No, I’m begging you – I’m getting down on my knees.
Will you please, please not marry me?!"
[Mike] "Love it, really felt the panic in ever word. Alright your short form work is exemplary, let's see what you can do with something longer with more meat to sink into."
[Angela] "Sure thing, I've prepared my favorite Tennessee Williams speech so I-"
[Mike] "Sorry if I could just stop you there, we see Tennessee Williams dozens of times throughout this whole process, I get that he was a great writer but at this point his work is overdone. Why don't you show us Angela Giarratana? Show us a scene that really resonates with you and I promise you'll stand out more than if you recite a common popular work like Tennessee Williams."
[Angela] "Oh o-okay...um let me think for a second."
[Mike] "Please take your time, I understand this will have caught you off guard."
[Angela] "Um okay I've got one, it's called Reasons To Be Pretty."
[Mike] "The floor is yours."
Angela composes herself as she launches into her monologue.
[Angela] "I’m very attractive. I am. I’ve always been that way but it’s no great big deal to me—if anything, it’s worked against me for most of my life. It’s about this. My face. I was born with it, people. That’s all. I have been given this thing to wear around, my features, and I’m stuck with it. And yes, over the years it’s gotten me things, I won’t lie about that, dates and into clubs that I really wanted to get into or smiles from my father . . . but as I got older it suddenly became a kind of, I dunno what, but almost like a problem. A real bother that I don’t have any control over. Listen, I’m not stupid, I know I should be thankful, that I should pray to heaven and be happy that I’m not scarred or missing an ear—I know girls who hate, I mean, despise their noses and mouths or the fact that their eyes are too far out on their faces . . . I don’t have any of those problems and I’m happy about that. I look in the mirror and I see some beautiful woman looking back at me; my worst day, a line or two, a little pale or whatnot, but a really good face in there. Smiling. I’m not saying that I don’t understand how I got lucky in many ways, I do get that, I do, I just want folks to comprehend that beauty comes with a price, just like ugly does. A different one, of course, and I’ll take what I’ve got, but I’ve cried myself to sleep at night because of who I am as well, and you should know that . . . I hope my baby’s OK,—did I mention that we found out it was a little girl? But I really hope she’s no more than pretty, that’s my wish. That she’s not some beauty queen that people can’t stop staring at because I’d hate that for her . . . to be this object, some thing that people can’t help gawking at. ‘Cause if she is— born like I was, is what I’m saying—if she ends up with a face that is some sorta magnet for men, the way I’ve been . . . I’d almost rather it was a situation where she was oblivious to it—not blind or anything, I wouldn’t wish that on her, but close. Some sort of oblivion that gets pasted over her eyes so she can go about life and not be aware that people are cruel in many ways. . . not just with their words but with the ways they look at you and desire you and, and, and . . . almost hate you because of it. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to get all heavy or anything, but I do think about it sometimes. My shift at work’s kinda long, you know? It is . . . so I’ve usually got some time on my hands to, you know. . . whatever. Think, I guess.
Um I'm sorry that monologue was a little shorter than I thought it would be, I kind of just panicked and picked one."
[Mike] "No worries, you can do another one if you want, maybe something that shows a different side than what you've shown so far."
[Angela] "Alright I think I've got something, it's more energetic so I might need a count in so I can get my energy up."
[Mike] "Sure thing down from 5 okay?"
[Angela] "Yeah that should be fine."
Angela hypes herself up as Mike counts her in.
[Angela] "Whooo! Eileen I have been on four job interviews this week, talk about being bushed. Whooo! No matter what kind of job you have it's got to be easier work than searching for one. Oh they fired me at that telemarketing place, no they gave me no notice at all just warnings. This may sound like a cop out but some of my job probs are not my fault, I have to lay most of the blame on the people who hire me. I'm just good at lying to people, oh sure maybe I lie to myself but that's where I draw the line.
These jobs don't work because I'd do better doing something creative, and I feel like I am somewhat creative but somehow I lack the talent to go along with it. And being creative without talent is like being a perfectionist not being able to do anything right.
All my life I've wanted to be somebody but now I realize I should've been more specific. Not that I lack ambition, I want to be so much more than I am. But if I were truly ambitious I think I'd already be more than I am don't you? *drops to floor, does some push-ups* A sobering thought, what if right at this very moment I am living up to my full potential? *jumps up, mimes taking a shower* I got clear that my expectations about life are simply way too high. Because we are all being force-fed a lot of false hopes Eileen, about romance, success, sex, life you name it.
*shower off, draws the curtain*
I've just about decided if I'm ever going to make something of myself it won't be through any job, it'll be through personal growth stuff. My seminar leader, he said to me, "Chrissy you are a classic 'false hope' case." Because not only do I not have a very firm grasp on reality but I have a sort of a loose grip on my fantasies too.
*opens locker, takes out bag*
He was just pushing me to be self aware, that's his big thing - 'Self Awareness.' But self awareness can be tricky Eileen, it's been my experience that too much self awareness can make you just too aware of what it is you don't like about yourself in the first place. See I'm getting all these new insights, if they don't make you suddenly understand everything. It's a step you see, if they leave you confused in a deeper way. Next week I'm working on overcoming my fears, oh but it's not easy fear is a big issue with me, you name it I've feared it.
The worst fear I have is that this feeling I once had may come back. Once I...I guess I've been wanting to tell this to someone for so long...once I came THIS close to committing suicide. I even wrote a note, that's how down and low I felt. I would've done it too, just one thing stopped me Eileen: I was just plain too afraid. So if I ever did commit suicide I'd have to be so desperate I wouldn't even let fear of suicide stand in my way. *slams locker closed, throws bag on ground* And yet Eileen, see if I could overcome a fear like that I could overcome all my fears I bet. And then of course, and here's the big irony, probably if I weren't afraid I'd really want to live. Only by then if I'd really conquered my fear of suicide it might be too late, I might have already, you know, done it.
*sprays hairspray 3 times, fusses with hair*
Life can be so ironic, sometimes to make any move at all seems totally pointless, I hope I never feel that low again.
*sprays hair 2 more times*
I have been feeling so up about the work I've been doing on myself in these seminars.
*mascara*
Course I don't want to become a seminar hopper like this ex friend I used to know. Eileen she had no time for anything but self improvement, she felt that she'd outgrown everyone in our crowd, especially me.
*mascara*
Behind my back she told this person that I was an upwardly immobile asshole. And then to add insult to injury she said it to my face, well I tell you that did it. I don't have to TAKE THAT! From a FRIEND? I get enough critical looks on job interviews.
Speaking of which I've got another one this afternoon, wish me luck. This job requires no skill, maybe I'll finally get lucky. I'll just be hooking people up to biofeedback machines, at least I won't be lying to them.
So will I see you here tomorrow? Oh how they lied about this health club, talk about false hopes. But I keep coming, I tell myself that I'm really keeping fit. The truth is I pig out one week and starve myself the next, I have gained and lost the same ten pounds so many times over and over again that my cellulite must have deja vu.
*aerobics stretch*
And this hairspray, they said it would hold up, once again false hopes.
*slings bag on shoulder*
Hey but if it weren't for 'false hopes' the whole economy would just collapse I bet. Well slinky-dinks I'm outta here!
*high knee power walks away*"
Mike gives her a standing ovation as she sits back down on the couch to catch her breath.
[Mike] " Oh my god that was incredible, I never thought anyone would actually have the lady balls to attempt to tackle a scene from The Search For Signs of Intelligent Life In The Universe. You totally owned the material and commanded the space, you perfectly captured the physicality and the comedy of the piece, you grabbed my attention from the word go and never let it go for even a moment. Bravo Angela, very impressive stuff well done."
Angela smiles from the praise.
[Angela] "Oh thank you, I really just lost myself and dived headfirst into the material."
[Mike] "You know, that was a very energetic routine, I can see you're out of breath and sweating a bit. Maybe you should go ahead and take off your shirt to cool down."
Angela takes a second to register what he just said.
[Angela] "Oh...um, I-I'm sorry?"
[Mike] "I'm just saying, you'd feel a lot better if you took your shirt off, and even better if you removed your pants as well."
Angela's smile fades as she realises that he seems to not be joking.
[Angela] "What um...what are you saying?"
[Mike] "Alright look there's no point in pussyfooting around so I'll just come right out with it, you're undoubtedly very talented and very beautiful but the truth is there's a lot of equally talented and beautiful girls we have to wade through and somehow whittle down throughout this process, we need to find the girls who want this part so much they'll do everything they can to land it. So you just have to ask yourself if you really want this part or if you're just fooling yourself."
[Angela] "Oh...okay...I REALLY want this part..."
[Mike] "Then let's go ahead and show me what you've got."
Angela resigns herself as she starts slowly lifting her shirt, she closes her eyes as she pulls it off over her head and tosses it on the couch next to her. She reluctantly unbuttons her pants and slides them down her legs, she kicks her shoes off and takes her pants off her feet.
[Angela] "So...do I have the part now?"
[Mike] "Not yet, why don't you take your underwear off and we can see where we stand."
Angela slowly reaches behind herself as she unhooks her bra, she holds the cups in place as she slides her arms out of the straps, she tries to cover her ample boobs with her arm as she tosses the bra aside. She uses her other hand to start sliding her panties down while trying to keep her legs closed, she eventually gets them off and quickly covers her pussy with her hand as she sits on the couch fully nude.
[Mike] "Now come on Angela, covering up will only hurt your chances of landing the part, stand up and give me a twirl really show yourself off."
Angela obliges and reveals her naked body to him, she hesitantly stands up and slowly spins around to show him her full body.
[Mike] "Hmm we're still missing something, on your application you said you went to performing arts school for dance so why don't you show me a little something? I don't have my phone on me to play any music but it's fine just imagine it playing, or actually I could clap to help you keep time. Okay ready and a 5 6 7 8!"
He starts clapping at a fairly brisk pace, Angela improvises a dance routine to his beat incorporating the couch as a base and also a prop when needed. He makes her dance for around 10 minutes before he stops, she slumps back onto the couch with her legs open.
[Mike] "You seem a little nervous, maybe if you play with yourself that stress will just disappear."
Angela spreads her legs and slowly slides her hand down towards her pussy, she tentatively uses her fingers to tease her lips a little bit hoping it'll be enough to satisfy Mike, the look on his face tells her that it's not going to be enough. She starts slowly rubbing her pussy while trying to avoid his gaze, never forgetting that there's also a camera currently rolling. She stifles a few little moans that slip out as she rubs.
[Mike] "Angela come on this isn't PG13 rules you don't have to hold back, let yourself go and have a little fun for me."
She starts rubbing more vigorously and allowing herself to moan more as she starts getting wet, she slips a couple of fingers into her warm pussy and spreads her lips as she fingers herself, starting out slowly before soon getting faster just to get this over with. She tries to ignore Mike's sleazeball smile as her pussy gets more sensitive and she slips on another finger. Soon she's fingering her wet pussy vigorously, moaning and shaking trying make herself cum faster so she can leave, she lies back against the couch and probes deeper into her pussy to hit the most sensitive areas. After what feels like eternity she finally feels herself getting closer to climax so she bears down on her pussy double time, loudly moaning and squealing as she pushes herself over her limits forcing herself to orgasm.
[Mike] "Oh I was hoping for more of a squirt, I like it when they turn into little fountains."
[Angela] "Okay so...I have the part now...right?"
[Mike] "Hold on let me come over and get a good look at you."
He leaves his desk and goes to stand next to her by the couch, observing her naked sweaty body from top to bottom.
[Mike] "Hmmm I'm still not sure, this is a very competitive audition process I can't guarantee you will get the part. I can increase your chances by putting in a good word for you if you would simply play with me a bit."
Angela reluctantly unbuttons his pants and pulls his dick out, she starts slowly stroking it while trying not to look at it.
[Mike] "Ah ah look up at me please, good girls maintain solid eye contact."
She looks up to see him bearing down on her while she jerks him off. She has a feeling he's not going to let her leave until he cums so she takes a deep breath as she plants her mouth on his cock and bobs her head on his shaft, he seems a little surprised that she took this initiative but he still looks pleased with himself. She gags every time his cock hits the back of her throat and starts to drool on it, tears start forming in her eyes from the repeated impact as she deep throats him. She dissociates as she squeezes his balls trying to get him to cum faster, she even sticks her fingers in his ass while she sucks more vigorously all in an effort to get this over with as soon as possible and get out of there. Her makeup runs as she continues aggressively slurping on his cock, her eyes become shiny from the tears. After going hard working his dick for a while she feels it pulsating in her throat so she goes even harder until he suddenly cums, shooting a hot load down her throat. She swallow what she can and pulls his dick out of her mouth coughing while trying to catch her breath, she lies back down on the couch breathless and ashamed.
[Mike] "Now that wasn't so bad was it? I knew that mouth and throat was good for something other than singing. I'm impressed with your form by the way, nobody else has taken the initiative play with my balls or stick their fingers in my ass so well done. Now I-," he's interrupted by his assistant buzzing in on the phone.
[Peggy] "Mr Johnson your 2.30 will be here in 5 minutes."
[Mike] "Alright thank you Peggy. Well it looks like that's all the time we have, you can put your clothes back on and there's wet wipes on the table just there so you can clean yourself up."
Angela gets dressed faster than she ever has in her life and wipes off her running makeup and remnants of cum from around her mouth.
[Mike] "Okay so I have to say I'm very impressed with your audition, you're a very talented young lady and I think you're a sure thing to get a callback so you can leave here with your head held high you did a great job."
[Angela] "Th-thank you for the opportunity Mr Johnson, please contact my agent when you have made a decision."
[Mike] "Hey now where's that shining smile gone? Come on, remember Always Smiling? Show me those pearly whites one more time."
She forces herself to put a huge fake smile on her face.
[Mike] "Attagirl, now that's a megawatt smile that could light up any room. Alright well have a nice day Angela, I know the waiting is the worst part of the audition process so we'll be in touch sooner rather than later, bye bye now."
[Angela] "Bye bye Mr Johnson," her fake smile drops as soon as she turns away from him, she wipes a tear as she leaves his office.