Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

By his own definition, Alain would consider himself free. His body roaming through the halls of an actual school, different from the years he spent being taught by his mother. Something he’s always longed for, despite the school being a Catholic one, it was better than what he had before. Alain would consider that an improvement. He had thanked the lord multiple times last night for listening to his wishes.

The adrenaline wore off soon enough, his first few periods were slightly miserable. He knew no one, and no one knew him. So of course, he had no one to talk to.

Alain was one of the smallest in his class, due to his illness and also just genetic problems, being seated in the front. His desk directly in front of the professor's desk. The only person who would make eye contact with him for this whole day it seems. Since no one bothered to approach him, Alain tried to get through the first few hours without going insane. Lunch filled him with instant relief, as despite the fact he sat alone, almost like an abandoned dog, he at least didn’t have to make awkward eye contact with different professors. Instead, he could eat while sketching away in a notebook he considered his drawing book.

Not paying mind to his surroundings, but also at peace considering he was alone in a place where he knew no one. “Nice drawing.” A voice came from behind him, which was a bit startling. Alain turned around, seeing a tall man with blonde hair behind him, looking casually at his book.

“Thank you.” Alain shuffled to the side of the seat, making room for the blonde man to sit besides him. Which the other did, setting his tray on the table.
The first few minutes weren’t exactly ideal, Alain kept glancing back and forth at the man, and his drawing book. His hands placing his pencil down, not knowing if he should make conversation instead of just sketching away. His eyes kept looking at the other man, he had to admit, the blonde was handsome. His gaze didn’t seem to escape the other man. “ There something on my face?” His words caused Alain to snap back to reality, his eyes widening a bit. “No sorry, it’s just...” Alain’s voice came out shaky, hesitant, his brain struggling to find the right words. A nervous smile plastered on his face while his eyes remained on his half-eaten tray.

A light chuckle from the other man caught his attention, his nerves calming down as he noticed that the taller man wasn’t bothered by his response.

“No need to actually answer. By the way, what’s your name?” The other man gave him a casual smile, waiting for his response. “...Alain Saverio.” He replied, his eyes still maintaining contact with the older man. “I’m Hayden Stewart.” Hayden... Alain noted the name of the man, making sure he wouldn’t forget.

The atmosphere that followed wasn't as awkward as before, Alain didn't speak. Hayden didn't force the younger to speak, the two mainly eating in silence. Occasionally, Alain did glance at the older, his mind wandering as he watched those light brown eyes.

Hayden definitely noticed, but he didn't say anything. That was one thing Alain was grateful for.

Chapter Text

After their first meeting, Alain couldn’t stop thinking of Hayden. Sure, all they did was sit and eat in silence, but the other man had something that drew him in.

Perhaps it was the fact that his eyes were almost empty, or maybe how he approached Alain so casually. Not speaking, but giving Alain a sense of comfort. As if he wasn’t alone in an unknown place.

Once Alain got back home, completing his evening prayer before dinner with his parents. The atmosphere in the room was cold and silent. “How has school been treating you?” His father asked, his voice rough with some compassion. The question caught the attention of his mother, her soft eyes staring at Alain, waiting for his response. “It’s.. quite nice.” Alain replied, his eyes staring back at the man across from him.

He wasn’t lying, nothing happened throughout the day. But he did find Hayden Stewart’s presence quite nice, it made the whole day feel less dull.
Instead of sleeping that night, Alain found himself drawing away in his room. His thoughts wandering back to Hayden, the taller man. His sharp features, dirty blonde hair, his comforting presence. By the time he slept, Alain’s sketches were Hayden’s face. As much as Alain could remember, it wasn’t possible for him to draw someone out of memory after their first meeting.

Morning came quickly, Alain was still getting used to waking up early. Being home-schooled his whole life allowed him to wake up whenever and go study, now he had an actual schedule . Waking up at 6:20, going to school 30 minutes early at 7 am.

Yesterday, he was full of adrenaline, enough to make him excited about the school day. While he didn’t have that excitedness today, he was looking forward to seeing Hayden again. Alain didn’t know what he would say, but he hoped the taller man would sit by him again. Give him a sense of comfort after he spent the whole school day alone. That was enough to make him get through his classes without falling asleep, the hope of seeing the other man again. Even if they would just sit in silence again.

Of course, Alain got his hopes up, not seeing Hayden around the cafeteria. It wasn’t like he wanted to force Hayden to sit next to him. The other’s presence would be nice to have around, but he couldn’t expect something like that from someone who barely knew him. It was selfish to think like that, selfishness was a sin. He couldn’t do that, especially when he didn’t even make an effort to talk to the other man yesterday.
Once he was done with his tray, Alain walked out of the cafeteria . Feeling a bit bummed, but, maybe he should just walk around for a bit. He didn’t even know the layout of the school, only where his class was.

Yet, to his surprise, Alain did find Hayden. The other man sat on bench outside the school, a lit cigarette in between his fingers. Alain watched the other man, his eyes observing as Hayden took another puff of the cigarette, trailing up to the smoke. “Hey, wanna join?” Hayden asked casually, noticing the smaller boy from yesterday standing there. His sketchbook still in his hands. Alain hesitated for a bit, his body walking automatically, sitting down besides Hayden.

There came the silence again, Alain stayed quiet, keeping his eyes from staring at Hayden like a weirdo. Instead, focusing on the Christ statue in front of them. His hand going up to touch his cross necklace, a pit forming in his stomach as he looked up at the statue. Christ staring right down at him, judging his soul and sins. “Not much of a talker are you?” Hayden asked casually, his hand offering his cigarette. “Wanna try?” He offered, his voice calm and gentle. He wasn’t pressuring Alain to take it, just a simple offer. “... Sure, will I die from it?” Alain asked, his mind not really processing what he said until Hayden started laughing. “Of course not, why would you-?”

Once Hayden calmed down from his laughter, he handed Alain the cigarette. His expression calm as he watched the smaller boy put the cigarettes to his lips. “Make sure to breathe from your stomach,” Hayden advised, Alain’s finger twitched as he finally got the taste. Pulling it away from his lips, it was unpleasant, not his cup of tea. He looked at Hayden’s expression, watching the other man’s relaxed expression turn stunned. Alain didn’t realise it early on, blood started dripping from his nose. Dirtying his uniform, thankfully his trousers were black.

“Sorry.” Alain mumbled, his hand quickly going to cover his nose. Hayden tried to remain calm as to not panic the younger boy, his hand gently resting on Alain’s chin, tilting his head back to prevent the blood flow. While his other hand searched for the tissues in his pockets, using the paper to cover Alain’s nose. “No, you don’t need to apologise. I got you to smoke, this is my fault. You okay?” Hayden’s voice was gentle, even when he didn’t know Alain. He still treated him with compassion, more than his father ever had.

The two remained there for a while, Hayden took notice at how long the nosebleed lasted while Alain wiped his nose with the tissues. The red seeping through the white paper.

“Need to go to the infirmary?” Hayden asked, his eyes staring at Alain’s blank expression. The younger looking up at him. “No.. do you know what haemophilia is?” Alain hesitated, his eyes searching for any confirmation from the man besides him. Hayden seemed to notice, a sigh came from his lips before he spoke once more. “I’m not familiar with it.” He replied simply, he knew it was blood related. But he didn’t pay much attention to these things. Alain nodded, understanding that not everyone would be familiar with a rare condition. “I have really high blood pressure from it, so blood just keeps pouring out of my body no matter how small the injury is. I could probably donate blood 10 times a day and still have more left. My mother would always cling to me whenever I bled.. or got injured always repeating the same thing..”

“My lord, what had my child done wrong? And then she would repeat verses of the bible to me, praying god will forgive me for my sins.” Alain paused, noticing how he was just venting to Hayden, not knowing if the older was even okay with it. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said any of that–“

Hayden noticed Alain’s habit of apologising, his expression remaining calm as he put a hand on Alain’s shoulder, keeping him grounded to reality. “You don’t have to apologise, tell me more.”

Chapter Text

   "Maybe it's just pointless to think about any of this. It's not like, it'll mean anything? I always thought I'd find my way through life, make friends, maybe escape from home every once a while. Now I'm still stuck in the same repetitive days anyways, and.. sorry—" Alain did try to vent as encouraged, though it was hard for him to make out any words to express how he felt around a guy he hasn't even known for a month or two. The words clumped into a lump in his throat, impossible to force out under the watch of Hayden.

   Alain had always been more timid around people, only really getting comfortable after a while. So opening up to Hayden was just impossible, without some guilt and embarrassment creeping into his thoughts at least.

   Seeing this, Hayden just smiled lightly and took another huff of his cigarette. "Nah go on, I don't mind." He gave Alain a shrug in a small attempt at comfort. His blonde parted bangs blowing into his face as the wind started picking up some speed, cooling Alain down whilst he was practically sweating from nervousness.

   Still, he did always have time to appreciate Hayden, his gaze lingering on the older student's relaxed posture, slightly envious of how calm Hayden seemed holding a cigarette between his fingers, letting the wind blow his hair and his uniform's collar.

   After a moment of silence, Hayden got up from the bench. His free hand that wasn't holding the cig stuffed in his trousers' pockets, considering he'd prefer not to light his school uniform aflame after his mother's friend generously paid for it.

   Alain was a bit lost, staring up at Hayden with confusion, waiting for the older to do something, yet he just stood there. He tried to take note of any dissatisfaction in Hayden's expression, or if his body tensed, maybe even a slight twitch of his finger, anything to give him an idea as to what the older man was feeling or thinking. He unconsciously bit his inner cheek without fully considering that to Hayden, Alain had just randomly stopped working and was staring at him as if expecting him to punch a wall.

   "Shouldn't your class be starting soon?" Hayden put his cigarette in between his lips, waving lightly in front of Alain's face until the younger seemed to snap out of whatever trance he was in.

   "— Has it already been twenty minutes?" Alain stood up once he suddenly registered that he had probably been sitting with Hayden whilst trauma dumping, and testing out his first failed cigarette, for most of his lunch period. Having lost track of time even when most days felt too much of a stretch for him, a jog that never ended until he was burnt out and miserable.

  Or, until he died.

   "Yeah, want me to walk you to class?" Hayden walked behind Alain, whom with the sudden realisation that he would likely get a demerit for being late, started walking ahead of Hayden. Alain paused his thoughts, finally taking a glance back at Hayden who was striding behind him. "Yes, please."
   Maybe being with a popular senior would actually get him friends, and also he would need a distraction from the daunting thought of a scolding from his parents for now.