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English
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2025-05-31
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My Head’s Under Water But I’m Breathing Fine

Summary:

The bride was lovely. And the groom was overwhelmed by all the lace, flowers, and pageantry that went on with the ceremony.

Stede Bonnet lay, working over the day in his mind as the moonlight shone through the window, spilling onto the bed. Somewhere next to him Ed stirred. From the room next door came a soft moan. It was evidence that the bride and groom were consummating their vows. A warm hand touched Stede’s hip and he looked back over his shoulder at his mate.

Notes:

This happened due to the Christmas present from David Jenkins, who gave us a scene. So I played with it. It's been mostly written, hanging out on my computer for a few months. I decided to finish it.

Title and one phrase of dialogue from "All of Me" by John Legend.

Work Text:

The bride was lovely. And the groom was overwhelmed by all the lace, flowers, and pageantry that went on with the ceremony.

Stede Bonnet lay, working over the day in his mind as the moonlight shone through the window, spilling onto the bed. Somewhere next to him Ed stirred. From the room next door came a soft moan. It was evidence that the bride and groom were consummating their vows. A warm hand touched Stede’s hip and he looked back over his shoulder at his mate.

Ed’s fingers tugged at Stede’s nightshirt, sliding it up his thigh to touch the bare skin of his hip.

“You’re awake?” Stede breathed, not wanting to raise his voice in case the couple next door should hear.

“Mmm…” Ed hummed, nibbling softly at the back of Stede’s neck as his hand wrapped around his lover’s hardening cock.

Stede rolled over to face him, gently kissing Ed’s lips before closing his eyes to allow the sensations to wash over him. Ed was often aroused after a wedding at their inn. Stede always surrendered to his lover’s ministrations, but he was a little curious about Ed’s moods. Of course they had healthy sexual appetites, the both of them. And always when one was in the mood, they could easily get the other to reciprocate. It was just curious that Ed seemed to be particularly aroused after a wedding.

Ed gave Stede’s cock a little tug, caressing the glans with his thumb.

Stede grunted at the touch, lightly kissing Ed’s lips before burying his face against his lover’s neck, taking in his warm, musky scent. His hand rested on Ed’s bare back, resting over the words “Trust No One” written in ink. “Ed?”

Ed released Stede’s cock and reached for the pot of oil they kept on a shelf above the bed.

“Ed?” Stede tried again, pulling his face away from his lover’s neck. “Talk to me?”

“Talk about what, love?” Ed answered, pouring a generous amount of oil into the palm of his hand. Using his oiled hand on Stede’s erection, he paused and looked at his mate in the moonlight.

“Why do you get this way about weddings?” Stede queried.

“Why do I get what way about weddings?” Ed answered cautiously.

“It’s like their wedding night is our own.” Stede mused.

Ed stroked Stede’s cock thoughtfully for a few moments before releasing him and rolling over onto his back, knees open. “Could be.” The words were soft as Ed tugged at Stede’s nightshirt, pulling it up and over his head.

“Ed… Do you want to be married?” Stede asked with some surprise as he took his place between Ed’s knees.

Ed stared back at Stede, a moment of insecurity on his moonlit face.

Stede grew nervous at the lack of response. “It’s alright, Ed. You don’t have to answer that.” Carefully he laid down.

Ed wrapped his arms around Stede’s torso and held him close.

^.~

The Kraken’s crew tore apart the wedding ship, taking what they wanted and filling the day with terror for the bride and groom.

Ed’s eye was caught on the miniature bride and groom atop the cake. Keeping them for a time, he changed the bride to look like himself.

^.~

“Ed?” Stede’s voice pulled Ed from his memories of a dark time. Immediately he was aware of the man laying atop him.

There was another moan from the couple in the next room.

“Fuck me.” Ed whispered urgently. His lips sought Stede’s and for a time they kissed in the darkness. Ed’s hands drifted down Stede’s smooth back to his buttocks.

Finally Stede was able to surface for air. “I will make love to you.” The former gentleman pirate whispered with a gentle kiss before reaching down to take them both in hand.

Ed gave a soft growl of frustration at Stede’s even, fluid strokes. There was a need, a hunger for something deeper at that moment. There was a need for punishment. “No, fuck me.”

Stede leaned forward to kiss the bird on Ed’s chest, using his now oily fingers to probe Ed’s darkest corners. Stede’s nimble fingers found the spot inside that made Ed see stars.

Ed gave a soft grunt and moved his hips to keep Stede’s fingers in the optimal spot. It wasn’t exactly what he wanted, but it would do for now. Craving the punishment of an indifferent partner, instead he had a generous lover who kissed him, held him, and whispered sweet nothings to him as they came together. Sometimes it felt a little more than Ed deserved after all that he had done.

Stede pushed in and whispered assurances to his lover as they moved together. His oily hand reached for Ed’s cock and smoothly stroked him.

Ed tried to imagine a selfish partner… Someone who cared only for their own pleasure without any regard to his own. Someone like how Jack had been sometimes. A little handy in the middle of the night when everyone else was asleep…

“I love you…” Stede whispered into his ear, ruining his dark fantasy. Kisses covered his lips and cheeks as Stede began to move in earnest, his hand squeezing Ed’s shaft. “Come for me, Ed?”

Ed refocused on Stede, quickly becoming overwhelmed by the gentleman’s urgency. Too soon he ejaculated, feeling Stede press forward and grunt.

They lay for a time in the moonlight, breathing and riding the high they felt from the experience.

“What do you think about the name Mary Teach?” Stede murmured against Ed’s shoulder.

“Who is Mary Teach?” Ed asked.

“Well… Me.” Stede answered.

“Why are you Mary Teach?” Ed gave him an unsure look. What was Stede suggesting?

“I could pass myself off as a woman and… And we could be married.” Stede whispered, rolling off of Ed to lay beside him. “That is… If you want to be married.” His voice wavered, full of emotion.

^.~

The bride was smudged with black, darkening her features and she looked a little like Ed. The groom obviously looked like Stede. They kissed each other, leaving a smudge, a blemish on GroomStede’s face. BrideEd had marked him as his own.

Suddenly he was very much aware that Izzy was looking at him in that horrified way the Kraken found annoying. Stuffing both the bride and groom into his trousers, he didn’t bother to turn around, only asking, “What?”

^.~

Stede held his breath, the pounding of his heart in his ears, louder than Ed’s breaths.

“What are you suggesting exactly?” Ed finally asked.

“That we commit a fuckery and get married in the process.” Stede answered. “I can be Mary Ormond and you can be Edward Teach… Former pirate, ready to settle down.”

“But why are you the woman?” Ed asked.

“You can be the woman if you really want. I was just suggesting a name. But I can’t be Stede Bonnet. He’s dead.”

“Hmm…” Ed mused, aware for the first time that there were no more sounds coming from the next room. “Do you really want to marry me?”

“I really do.” Stede responded, resting his head on Ed’s shoulder.

“Why not then?” Ed murmured. “But why Mary? Your wife’s name was Mary.”

“Mary is a very popular name.” Stede answered.

“I think it’s a perfectly good fuckery.” Ed smiled in the darkness.

^.~

They had access to everything they needed by being in the innkeeper trade.

A minister didn’t look too closely when Ed presented himself with someone in a veil, and a large belly under the dress. Stede spoke in a falsetto to answer “her” vows. No need to raise the veil for a shy, pregnant bride. The minister was paid and the newlyweds left alone at the inn. The paperwork named Ed Teach as marrying Mary Ormond for the history books, and all was well.

Stede finally removed the veil, tossing it aside as he sat at the table. “I can’t believe we actually pulled that off. It was almost too simple.” Reaching under the hem of the dress, he pulled out the pillow that had made him look pregnant. “The minister was quick to marry us when he thought we were living in sin.”

Ed stepped up behind Stede and leaned down for a quick, demanding kiss. “Mmm… Not that I minded living in sin with you before all this.” Taking his hand, he pulled Stede up and into his arms. With one arm around his bride’s waist, the other took his hand and they happily swayed together.

“What an interesting dance… It’s so cozy.” Stede mused.

“Why? How would you dance?” Ed challenged, stepping back, bringing his other hand to Stede’s waist. Stede reciprocated by placing both hands on Ed’s shoulders. They swayed gently from side to side, slowly starting to spin in place.

“It’s like being on a ship.” Stede observed. “Maybe something of a country dance?” Adjusting their positions, he gracefully tried to lead Ed in one of the dances his former class had found amusing.

“It’s like swordplay… Expect you’re in a dress.” Ed observed, quickly trying to match Stede’s movements. Then they crashed into each other, Ed caught Stede before he could fall. And they laughed, holding one another.

Stede suddenly felt an overwhelming sense of affection, kissing Ed’s lips. “Love you, babe.”

“I love you too. How about I rip that dress off of you?”

“It’s actually on loan, so maybe not so much ripping.” Stede stepped back and began the slow process of removing a rather expensive dress. He had spent years living with a woman, and he did appreciate a well-made garment, so he was quicker at it than most men would have been in that situation. The extra space from where the pillow vacated helped ease things a bit.

To Ed it seemed to take an eternity. Finally the dress and corset lay in a pile upon the floor and Stede wore a chemise over his naked form. Ed wrapped his arms around his bride, feeling Stede’s warm firmness through the thin shift.

They made it to the bed without too much trouble, aside from Stede running backwards into the doorway to the bedroom. Both collapsed upon the bed in a tangle of limbs.

“So, Mister Teach… Now that I’m mistress Teach… Legally…” Stede murmured between kisses. “What would you have me do?”

^.~

BrideEd and GroomStede lived for a time in the Kraken’s trousers, close to his skin. Occasionally he pulled them out to have a look at them, side by side. They looked perfect together… And yet sometimes not really.

^.~

They rolled on the bed until Ed was on top, settled between Stede’s thighs. Stede stared up at him, eyes blown wide, and then he glanced down. “You’ve never really taken me before, Ed. How about now?”

“What? Me inside of you?” Ed glanced down at Stede’s cock longingly. It was true, most of their interactions involved Ed taking Stede’s cock in some way. Never had they done the opposite.

“If you don’t mind…” Stede began as he lightly reached down to caress Ed’s length. It was very similar to his own, and yet different enough to spark novelty with its length, girth, and shape. His hand wrapped around the appendage and gently began to tug at it in his fist.

^.~

It was one of those nights of “not really” that the Kraken dropped the bride and groom both into the ocean.

“It will never happen…” The Kraken thought to himself as the little figures disappeared into the darkness.

^.~

It was happening! Ed’s oily fingers probed Stede’s bottom, pushing one finger in, and then another. They probed and they prodded until they found a place that made Stede say, “Oh, my word!” Ed kissed those words away, continuing his barrage on Stede’s prostate.

And what of Ed’s free hand? It found Stede’s length and gave long languid strokes from root to tip. Slowly, never increasing speed, no matter how much Stede writhed against him.

“Ed!”

Stede’s voice brought Ed out of his revelry and he looked down at a look on Stede’s face he had never seen before. There was a sort of desperate desire. Ed took both of them in hand and began a quicker, delicious pace.

“Oh, Ed…” Stede cried out, his hands around Ed’s neck, trying to bring him closer. But Ed did not slow his frottage. Not until Stede arched his back and gave a soft cry. Then Ed indulged him, allowing his own essence to spill and combine with Stede’s.

They lay for a time, both gasping for air as their hearts slowly began to return to a normal rhythm. “You were supposed to enter me.” Stede finally said.

“I was inside of you.” Ed answered.

“Fingers do not count.”

“I assure you, fingers do count when it comes to handsy.” Ed assured him with a soft kiss to his lover’s lips.

^.~

Ed was alone in the dark water of the ocean. But then there was a light. And from that light came a merman who looked a lot like Stede. The merman leaned forward and kissed him, breathing air back into his lungs as he clawed back to reality and life.

^.~

Ed startled awake, gasping for air.

“What’s wrong, Ed?” Stede’s voice came from the darkness next to him.

“I was… I was underwater and… And you were there.”

“I am here.” Stede agreed quietly, rubbing Ed’s shoulder. “What happened?”

“You were a mermaid.” Ed whispered.

“You’ve told me about that before.” Stede sat up to regard Ed in the fading moonlight.

“Don’t leave me.” Ed whispered.

Stede leaned down to rest his head on Ed’s shoulder. “I promised never to leave you. You have me. Ed?” Stede kissed Ed’s shoulder and snuggled down against him. “I’m yours. We’re in this… Together. ‘Cause I give you all of me.”

^.~

At the bottom of the ocean a bride and a groom lay on the seafloor, together.

--Fin