Chapter Text
Ava Coleman had taken a risk dating you two years ago considering who your moms were but when you had walked into Abbott Elementary she had been attracted to you. You walked in with such confidence that it was intoxicating but Ava could tell you that you were shy underneath it all. That at the end of the day you just wanted people to make the decisions for you. That you wanted to be cared for and not have to be the strong one all the time. It had taken Ava awhile to break down your walls but finally you had let her in. Once Ava was in you fell hard and fast. She was everything that you had wanted and more and you made sure to show and tell her as much as possible.
The first time that you had told Ava that you loved her it had been about six months into your relationship. She had taken you to a Flyers game ten rows from the glass in the middle because you said it gave you the best view of the whole rink. She had presented the tickets to you wrapped in the jersey from your favorite player for your birthday. The gift had brought you to tears and the whole game had you on the edge of your seat. Beer in one hand and hot pretzel in the others you were cheering along with the crowd and yelling at the refs. When the kiss cam appeared on the jumbotron with your face next to Ava you almost spilled everything trying to turn towards her. Ava had cupped your face pulling you in like she had done so many times before the kiss growing greedy as the crowd cheered. When you finally came up for air you placed your forehead against hers and said I love you Ava. She never responded and you tossed it up to the loudness of the arena around you.
As your relationship grew and you moved in with Ava you had fallen into an easy morning routine. Getting ready for the work at the same time handing each other clothes and makeup as needed. Ava helping you style your hair in different ways that she had seen on tiktok or you giving her new accessories to add to her already dazzling outfits. It was everything that you had wanted in more in a relationship. Then as you made her lunch and put a cup of coffee in her hand you would lean in and give her a kiss. As she walked through the door you would say I Love You getting Ava’s response of I’ll see you after work honey. Then as the door closed the closeness of the moments you shared seemed to fall away. Your shared apartment felt empty and you sunk back into your head getting more and more lost as the days passed.
Every time that you had returned home from work Ava was on some sort of livestream. Your living room turned into her own small business to make extra money. Many people assumed that this money was for herself however after the bills were paid whatever was leftover went back into Abbott. In small ways to not let the district catch on to what was happening but to at least get the students ahead a little more. You often sat off camera and watched her as she sent occasional smiling glances over at you. She adored when you watched her work and had often commented that it made her feel like she was on top of the world. Then after the cameras were often she would collapse into your arms exhausted from the day and you would kiss her forehead and tell her you loved her. She would merely wrapped her arms around you and kiss down your neck till you forgot what had happened during your day.
At night when you were getting ready for bed was when you were able to see the softer side of Ava. The one who unburied herself from the hard exterior and sat on the edge of the bed wondering how she was going to be able to face another day as the principal no one believed in. Tears rolling down her face as another idea for funding had slipped through her fingers. These are the moments that Ava was the most vulnerable and clung to you like you were a life preserver. You would wrap your arms around her letting her cling to you as she questioned her self-worth. Rubbing her back and giving her small kisses on her forehead you would remind her how much you appreciated her. How much she did for the students at Abbott. How amazing she really was. How much you loved her and would always be there to support her. She would squeeze you close but never respond back.
The only time that Ava had ever admitted she loved you was when you were tangled in the sheets—naked body on top of hers as she curled her back off the mattress. Eyes closed as the wave of pleasure closed in around her legs shaking from the release of the string that kept her so well contained. Hair a mess on the blanket, her lips swollen with kisses, breasts heaving from her ragged breaths was when she would finally say it. Fuck I love you Y/N after the orgasm finally receeded and you would smile knowing that you had finally pulled it from her. Your response was instant as you curled around her holding onto her like she would disappear in a moment’s notice. And as she drifted off to sleep you thoughts began to creep in. You wondered how it was that you were always the one showing your love and how the same three words that you repeated like a prayer were never returned. More often than not they were ignored unless it was something that benefited Ava directly.
Finally one morning after a sleepless night pondering your relationship and where it had all gone wrong you decided that you could take it no longer. Skipping your morning meeting you went to Abbott to talk to Ava directly. You rushed through the doors ignoring as Barbara called your name from the sign in sheet. Opening the door to Ava’s office without knocking you looked at the woman that you had been connect to for two years.
“We need to talk,” You said slamming the door behind you.
“Why you coming in here slamming shit like you own the place?” Ava asked placing down her phone, “Kinda sexy but damn girl take a minute to chill.”
“I realize that I’m hopelessly addicted to the breadcrumbs of your affection but I am starting to wonder if all of this is worth it,” You said your heart already beginning to break, “Do you even realize what you are doing to me? I say “I love you” but you only reply one out of five times.”
Ava faltered for a moment looking at the tears already welling in your eyes, “I have no idea what you are talking about.”
You threw your hands up in anger stalking the small office, “I tell you I love you every morning before you go to work. You never say anything. I tell you whenever I can throughout the day to show you how much I appreciate you. When you get home from work I tell you I love you and how proud I am of you. Before we go to sleep I am constantly telling you how much I appreciate you and want you in my life. You only tell me after we have sex.”
Your last words came out louder than you wanted causing Ava to flinch, “Y/N please..”
“No, I am done waiting. Do you really only love sometimes at a ratio of 1:5?” You asked your hands beginning to shake with all your built up emotions, “Am I really just a body for you to use and abuse?”
“You are so much more than that,” Ava said standing to walk towards you.
You backed up away from her touch letting the tears fall freely now, “That isn’t what it feels like at all. If that is true then why don’t you say it. Just three little words and you can’t even give me a chance to hear them. I sit in our bed every night and wonder is the person I’ve been fighting for emotionally unavailable?”
“Say it,” Ava persisted beginning to push you into the corner of your office, “Say it and I will say it back.”
You shook your head a small pitiful smile coming over you, “Don’t you understand Ava…I don’t want you to say it just because I say it. I want you to actually mean it. To love me so much that you can’t help but scream it every chance you get. But I guess that is too much to ask.Maybe you never loved me to start with.”
You pushed past her back into the hallway where a crowd had grown. Keeping your head down you went to the front doors clutching your keys in your hand. Before the doors closed you heard your mothers' voice calling out to you but you couldn’t bring yourself to care. Instead you put your keys in the ignition and pulled out of the parking lot to go to work. Hoping that the repetitive nature of the job would take away the pain that you felt from your heart crumbling around you.