Chapter Text
Jesse sat alone in his messy apartment, getting high off his ass. The place was a disaster, pizza boxes piled up, clothes strewn everywhere, and the faint smell of burnt chemicals hanging in the air. He had his pipe in one hand, lazily taking a hit while the TV flickered with some crappy sitcom he wasn’t really watching. The laugh track was grating, but it was better than the silence.
He had stolen a little product again. Just a bit. Nothing Walter would notice. He figured the old man had enough on his plate without worrying about a few missing grams. It wasn’t like Walter kept track of every little thing, right? Jesse took another hit, feeling the warm buzz crawl over him. Walter had bigger things to deal with, being a kingpin, his family, cancer, and all that fifty-year-old man bullshit. Hell, the guy was juggling so much, it was kind of a miracle he hadn’t cracked already.
Jesse’s eyes glazed over as he thought about Walter. The man had been on his mind a lot lately. It didn’t help that they spent so much time together, in that stupid RV or the lab, side by side, cooking meth like it was their life’s work. And in some messed-up way, it was. But lately, Jesse had noticed something else between them, something that wasn’t just about the meth, or the business, or even the lies.
It was the way Walter looked at him, like he was seeing Jesse for the first time, really seeing him. Not as some screw-up kid who couldn’t get his life together, but as something more. Like Jesse mattered to him in ways that didn’t have to do with the meth or the money. It was confusing as hell, and Jesse wasn’t even sure if he was imagining it half the time. But then there’d be these moments, quiet moments, where Walter’s gaze would linger just a little too long, his voice would soften just a bit, and Jesse would feel it, that pull.
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Then, suddenly, a knock came at his door. Jesse groaned, his body heavy from the high, but he managed to stumble up from the couch, half-tripping over the clutter scattered across the floor. His vision blurred for a second, and he had to blink hard to focus. Whoever it was, they sure as hell weren’t supposed to be there. When he pulled the door open, his heart nearly stopped. Standing in front of him, looming like some grim shadow, was none other than Walter White.
Jesse froze, his brain struggling to process the sight of Walter at his doorstep, in the middle of the night, with that serious, determined look on his face. “W-What are you doing here?” Jesse slurred, barely able to string the words together, his confusion mixing with panic. His hair was a wild mess, sticking up in all directions from where he'd been laying on the couch, and he realized too late that he was still wearing that ridiculous orange Halloween T-shirt he'd grabbed on impulse from a thrift store. The one with the stupid jack-o’-lantern face on it. Great. Perfect timing.
Walter’s eyes scanned him up and down, his stern expression unchanging, but Jesse could feel the judgment burning beneath the surface. Typical Walter. Always looking at him like he was some idiot kid. But tonight, there was something different in Walter’s eyes. Jesse’s stomach twisted.
“Jesse,” Walter said, his voice low and almost dangerously calm, “is that the product?” He pointed to the coffee table inside Jesse’s apartment, where, sure enough, the remnants of the meth Jesse had swiped were scattered across the surface next to his pipe.
Jesse’s breath hitched, his mind scrambling for an excuse, any excuse. “Uh, no, man, it’s, uh—” He laughed awkwardly, trying to brush it off like it was no big deal, but even he could hear how stupid he sounded. “It’s not—It’s just a little bit. No biggie, right?”
Walter didn’t even blink. He stepped inside without waiting for an invitation, brushing past Jesse like he owned the place. “No biggie?” he repeated, his voice hardening. Jesse flinched as Walter’s presence seemed to fill the entire room. It always felt like that when Walter was around, like there was no air left for anyone else.
Jesse swallowed, his mouth dry as hell, and closed the door behind them. “Mr. White, I was gonna pay it back, alright? It’s just… you got so much of it, I didn’t think you’d even notice.”
Walter turned, his face unreadable.“I notice everything, Jesse,” he said quietly, almost too quiet. And that was worse. The quiet, the calm. It was more unsettling than if Walter had just yelled at him. “You think I wouldn’t notice if you stole from me?”
Jesse’s heart pounded in his chest. He hated this. Hated how small Walter could make him feel with just a few words. “I’m sorry, alright?” Jesse snapped, frustration creeping into his voice. He didn’t need this right now. He didn’t need Walter barging in here, playing the disappointed dad routine again. “I just needed to take the edge off. I wasn’t gonna sell it or anything, I just—”
“You just needed to take the edge off,” Walter interrupted, his eyes narrowing as he took a step closer. “That’s your excuse for stealing from me? For taking what’s mine?”
Jesse felt his throat tighten. The words caught there, stuck.
Walter’s voice softened, but it didn’t lose that edge of steel. “You think I don’t care about you, Jesse?” He took another step forward, closing the distance between them. Jesse could feel the heat from his body now, could smell the faint scent of chemicals and cologne that clung to Walter’s clothes. “You think I’d just let you spiral out like this and do nothing?”
Jesse’s breath hitched again. His heart was racing, and he didn’t know what to say. This wasn’t the confrontation he expected. He thought Walter would be pissed, call him a liability like he had before. But this? This felt different.
Walter’s voice dropped even lower, almost a whisper now. “I’ve tried to protect you, Jesse. I’ve tried to keep you from falling apart. But every time I think you’re getting better, you—” He broke off, his jaw tightening. Jesse could see the frustration there, but also… something else. Concern. Fear, maybe. It was so unlike Walter, the way his voice cracked ever so slightly.
“Yo man, I didn’t ask for your protection,” Jesse mumbled, his defenses crumbling under the weight of the conversation. “I didn’t ask for any of this.”
“No, you didn’t,” Walter said, stepping even closer now, their faces just inches apart. Jesse could feel the intensity radiating off him, the way Walter’s eyes seemed to be searching for something deep inside him. “But you’ve got it, whether you like it or not.”
Jesse’s breath caught in his throat. His head was swimming, partly from the drugs, partly from the closeness of Walter. His mind flashed back to all those times Walter had stood too close, had touched him just a little too long. It made sense now. Too much sense.
“Mr White, I—” Jesse started, but before he could say anything more, Walter reached out, grabbing him by the collar of his stupid Halloween shirt, pulling him close. Jesse’s eyes widened in shock as Walter’s lips crashed against his, rough and desperate.
For a moment, Jesse froze, his brain short-circuiting from the suddenness of it all. But then, like a switch flipping, he gave in. His hands gripped Walter’s arms, holding on tight as the kiss deepened, messy and uncoordinated. Walter was kissing him like it was the last thing he’d ever do, like he’d been holding back for so long and couldn’t stop himself anymore.
Jesse’s mind was spinning, the high mixing with the heat of the kiss, making everything feel unreal. But it wasn’t. It was real. Walter’s hands were real, gripping his shirt, tugging him closer. The smell of his skin, the roughness of his beard against Jesse’s lips, it was all real.
Walter pulled back for a second, his breath ragged, his eyes wild with something Jesse had never seen before. Desire. Fear. Maybe both. “Jesse,” he whispered, his voice raw. “I can’t—”
“Mr. White… You’re the one who started this. Don’t bitch out.” Jesse’s voice was rough, a mix of defiance and desperation, as he grabbed Walter by the collar and kissed him again, hard and urgent. His heart was pounding in his chest, his mind racing in that hazy space between the high and the chaos of what was happening. He didn’t care anymore. He couldn’t. Not when Walter had already crossed the line, pulled him into something he’d never imagined could even happen between them.
Walter barely moved at first, his hands hovering in the air like he didn’t know what to do with them. But Jesse could feel the tension in him, the way Walter’s whole body trembled, caught between resisting and giving in. It pissed Jesse off. Typical Walter. Always hesitating, always calculating his next move like it was a goddamn chess game, even when they were in the middle of this. This thing they had no business being in.
Jesse pulled back just enough to look at him, his breath ragged, his eyes still bloodshot from the high. “Why are you even here, huh?” His voice was sharp now, angry, but there was something vulnerable beneath it. “Was it about the crystal? That’s why you showed up? To lecture me, to yell at me again? Jesus, man, what the hell is this?” He gestured between the two of them, frustration bubbling to the surface. "You come here, you kiss me, and now you’re just standing there like you didn’t mean it. Like you don’t want this. So what is it, huh?”
Walter’s face was a storm of conflicting emotions, anger, guilt, fear. Jesse could see it, buried beneath all the masks Walter wore, the layers of control he tried so hard to keep.
“I don’t know why I’m here, Jesse,” Walter said finally, his voice barely above a whisper. His eyes flicked away, like he couldn’t stand to look at Jesse for too long, couldn’t handle the weight of whatever this was between them. “I—I shouldn’t be. But I couldn’t—” He swallowed hard, the words catching in his throat. “I couldn’t stay away.”
Jesse stared at him, his heart pounding in his chest, his mind spinning as he tried to make sense of what Walter was saying. He could feel the anger rising in him again, that familiar rage that came whenever Walter tried to act like everything was fine, like he wasn’t the one who had turned Jesse’s life upside down.
“Stay away?” Jesse spat, his voice thick with bitterness. “You can’t stay away because you need me, Mr. White. That’s what this is, right? You need me to cook for you, to help you build your stupid empire. But that’s it, isn’t it? That’s all I am to you. Just a tool. A way to make your product.”
Walter’s eyes snapped back to Jesse’s, and for a moment, something raw and painful flashed across his face. “That’s not true,” he said quietly, and Jesse could hear the strain in his voice, the desperation he was trying so hard to hide. “You’re more than that.”
“Then what the hell am I, huh?” Jesse demanded, his voice rising. “What am I to you, Mr. White? Because it sure as hell doesn’t feel like I’m anything more than your sidekick half the time. You use me. You control me. You—” He broke off, his throat tight. The anger, the pain, it all came rushing out. “You ruin everything I touch.”
Walter’s expression twisted, his guilt finally bubbling to the surface. “You think I don’t know that?” he shot back, his voice low. “You think I don’t see what this has done to you? To both of us?”
Jesse blinked, caught off guard by the sharpness of Walter’s words. He hadn’t expected that. For a moment, the anger drained out of him, leaving only confusion and hurt.
“Then why do you keep doing it, man?” Jesse asked, his voice barely a whisper. “Why do you keep pushing me? Pushing us? If you know what this is doing to me, why don’t you stop?”
Walter’s jaw clenched, his eyes dark and unreadable. “Because I can’t,” he admitted, the words heavy with something Jesse had never heard from him before. Regret. “I tried, Jesse. I tried to walk away. But I can’t. I can’t stop.”
Jesse stared at him, his heart pounding in his chest. He didn’t know what to say, didn’t know how to process what Walter was admitting. The man who had controlled every aspect of Jesse’s life for the past few years, who had manipulated and lied and destroyed so much, was standing here, telling Jesse he couldn’t walk away. That he didn’t want to. It made Jesse’s head spin.
“You’re a real piece of work, Mr. White,” Jesse said finally, shaking his head. “You know that? You keep screwing with my life, and now you’re telling me you—what? You actually give a shit about me? You expect me to believe that?”
Walter didn’t say anything, but the look in his eyes was enough. Jesse could see the truth there, buried beneath all the bullshit. Walter did care. He cared in his own messed-up, twisted way, but he cared.
Jesse let out a bitter laugh, running a hand through his hair, tugging at it like he was trying to pull himself back to reality. “This is so fucked up,” he muttered, pacing a few steps before turning back to Walter. “I don’t even know what the hell we’re doing here, man. Like, what is this? What are we?”
Walter stepped forward, his face set in that determined way Jesse knew too well. “We’re partners, Jesse,” he said, his voice steady now. “That’s what we’ve always been. And we—we’re more than that.” He hesitated, the words seeming to stick in his throat. “I’ve hurt you. I know that. And I can’t take it back. But I—”
“Stop,” Jesse cut him off, holding up a hand. “Just stop, okay? I don’t want your apologies, man. I don’t want any of this.” He gestured between them, his voice cracking with emotion. “I just—I don’t know how to be around you anymore. I don’t know how to do this.”
Walter’s face softened, his eyes full of something that almost looked like understanding. “Neither do I, Jesse,” he admitted quietly. “But we don’t have to figure it out all at once. We’ll figure it out together.”
Jesse let out a shaky breath, feeling the weight of everything pressing down on him. He didn’t know if he believed Walter, didn’t know if he could trust him. But standing there, in that small, cluttered apartment, with Walter looking at him like he actually meant it.
Jesse shook his head, stepping back, trying to keep some distance between them. “Whatever, man,” he muttered, his voice thick with exhaustion. “I don’t know what this is, but I can’t keep doing this back and forth with you. You wanna be here? Fine. You wanna kiss me and act like it means something? Fine. But I’m not your puppet anymore, alright?”
Walter didn’t move, but there was something in his eyes that shifted, a flicker of something deeper. “I never wanted you to be my puppet, Jesse,” he said softly. “I wanted you to be my partner. My equal.”
Jesse let out a bitter laugh. “Yeah, well, you’ve got a funny way of showing it.” He turned away, running a hand through his hair again. “I don’t know what the hell we are, Mr. White. But I know one thing, we’re way past just business.”
Walter nodded slowly, the weight of Jesse’s words hanging between them like a storm waiting to break. Neither of them knew what came next.