Chapter Text
“Hmm… I’ll play my Ted Bundy, which gives me plus three attack…” The void creature placed down a Ted Bundy Pokeman card, which was met with a smirk from the demon across from him.
“Nice. If I could choose any human to meet, it’d probably be that fucker,” Damien said.
Scratching his head, the werewolf sitting next to Oz spoke up. “Uh, I think I’ll send out my Joe Zawinul!” He slapped a card down onto the table with a sizable hairy hand, shaking the table with a small thud.
“You’re using an Austrian keyboardist type against a serial killer type?” Oz asked. “Also, I can see your cards, Scott…”
Scott let out a laugh and tilted his cards toward himself. “Whoops! Anywho, I barely use Joe! He needs to get out more.”
“Uh… What do I do?” Brian the zombie asked. He eyed each card, puzzled on how he’d play any of them. He had never really played Pokeman before, but he knew Oz was into it, so he gave it a shot.
“If you have an ecologist type, you should totally play it right now,” Damien advised, not bothering to hide a gravelly chuckle behind his hand of cards.
“Oh, okay.” Brian played an Ema Lucy Braun, and Damien immediately countered her with an arsonist type. “Ha! Eat it, noob. You fucking suck.”
Brian threw down his hand, which was full of the shittiest cards in the deck. “Okay. I’m out.” He rested his head on his hand, zoning out as he gazed nowhere in particular.
“...Wow, that was a fast out… You’ll get it next time, Brian. Anyways, uh…” Oz continued on with his turn as Brian eyed the gorgon and anthropomorphic cat girl walking by, down the main hall and away from their table. Vera and Valerie.
Valerie was usually pretty easy to talk to; she was usually much more inviting than Vera was, and Brian was a wall against her constant teasing. Though he wasn’t completely immune to her tactics of getting money out of him. Vera, on the other hand… It seemed like every single interaction he’d had with her, he pissed her off somehow. Or maybe that was just her general mood. Either way, she clearly didn’t like him. He died a little more on the inside every time she glared at him, or threatened to erase him. In fact, he could’ve sworn she tried to turn him to stone at some point, but Polly, drunk out of her mind, bumped into her and averted her gaze away from him.
Thoughts of Vera had invaded Brian’s mind more and more often, lately. Not only was she cool as fuck, but she was also kinda hot… He sometimes wondered what it’d be like to be as cool as her. And also maybe what it’d be like to boink her.
“...ian? Hey, Brian.”
He blinked, sitting up. “Hm?”
Oz started to draw his hand from the deck, Damien and Scott already inspecting their newly drawn cards. “Are you up for another round?”
“Hm? Oh. Uh, nah.” Brian turned his gaze back to the hallway that Vera and Valerie had left down.
“Alright, then…”
After a few bored moments of watching Oz, Damien, and Scott mess around with Pokeman, Brian got up, slumping his backpack over one shoulder. “Catch you later, Oz?”
He looked up. “O-Oh, uh, yeah, sure.”
“See you, bro!” Scott called as Brian walked away from their table.
“Try not to suck so bad next time, noob!” Damien added.
Brian sauntered down the same hallway that the Oberlins had. The temptation to just skip the rest of the day started to surface when he eyed a vending machine. He went up to it, pulling out his wallet. Ten bucks. He never really handled more than maybe thirty. Before he could slip his money into the machine, a sly voice caught his attention from further down the hall.
“Heeeyyy, Brian! If you’re gonna waste your money, why not come and waste it over here?” Brian lazily peered over to his left, where Valerie was leaning back in a chair, her legs crossed on the stand she had sloppily set up for the day. He shrugged to himself and walked over.
“Hey, dude.”
“‘Sup, green? I hope that nickname isn’t racist.”
He shrugged again. “Don’t think so.”
“Cool. Now whatcha thirsty for?” She turned her gaze down to the phone in her hand.
“I was just gonna buy a bag of chips or something…”
She looked back up, speaking through an ear-to-ear smirk. “No, ya goof! Are you really gonna let that machine over there suck up your money? You’re gonna give the school your money? Instead of supporting small businesses?”
“Uh…”
“Awesome, I knew you didn’t suck cheeks. Now whatcha want?”
He silently eyed her wares, all seemingly random crap. A sealed gift box, a fairy trapped in a bottle, an old map, a single lemon, just to name a few.
“...I don’t want any of this…”
“Oh, come on. I know there’s something here that’ll tickle your fancy,” she said non-committedly as she pulled out her phone. Brian’s gaze hopped from random item to random item for a few moments. A copy of the first issue of Dragon Heat, a floppy disk, a bag of crack, a used tampon, until he finally landed on a journal. It had a small scrap of notebook paper taped to the front, with the words Val’s Declassified Gorgon Befriending Guide scribbled on it. He picked it up.
Valerie looked up from her phone, still leaned back in her chair. “You find something, finally?”
“Uh, yeah. This.” He held out the journal in front of her.
“Ah, the gorgon befriending guide. Is there a certain gorgon you wanna impress, hmm?”
He didn’t answer, silently reaching up his other hand to open the notebook. Valerie swiped it out of his hands, wagging a finger in front of him.
“Nonono. Pay up, first. Ten bucks.” Brian silently reached for his wallet again, handing her all his money, immediately making her light up. She handed him back the journal. “Thanks! See ya.”
“Thanks.” Brian tucked the journal into his bag and walked off to his next class, since lunch was about to end anyway. He decided against skipping, wanting to show Oz the journal when he had class with him next.
───────
Later, once haunted math class was about to start, Brian took his usual seat next to Oz in the very back of class, and pulled out the journal.
“Bro, check this out.” He handed it to Oz, who curiously inspected the cover. A few little phobias popped up on his shoulders, inspecting the journal as well.
“...Gorgon befriending guide? I don’t get it.”
“I bought it from Valerie. It’ll probably help make Vera like me.”
“V-Vera? I wouldn’t mess with her… Last time we talked, she warned me not to turn my back on any drinks I have… I’ve been too afraid to bring my water bottle to school, for a while.”
Brian took the journal back and tucked it into his bag again. “Nah, it’ll be chill, you’ll see. I just gotta butter her up and then I’ll have a date for monster prom.”
“M-Monster Prom? Is that already…” Oz checked his phone for the date, and he frowned. “Oh. It’s already in almost a month.”
“Yeah. Who’re you asking out?”
“U-Uhm… Nobody, I think…”
He gave a dry chuckle. “Really?”
Oz slumped down in his chair as he spoke. “Yeah. All that stuff just kinda stresses me out…”
“Oh. Well, maybe Valerie has something that’ll help,” he joked, only getting a humorless hum from Oz. Brian tried again. “Hey, she was selling a used tampon. Think that’d help?”
“Ew…” That got a small, anxious smile from him. Good enough.
───────
When class was over, the two of them joined the mass of students flooding out of the school. As they approached the line of school buses, Brian spoke up. “You wanna come over? We can play Smash Your Bros.”
Oz turned to face one of the buses. “Sorry, I can’t. I have homework, and stuff...”
Brian brought his lazy gaze from the ground up to Oz. “...Alright, man. See you later.”
“Yep, bye.” Oz stepped up into the bus, leaving Brian to walk home. As Oz took a seat, pulling off his backpack to set on his lap, Tate lumbered down the aisle and stopped at his seat. The pink mushroom growing from his fur-covered head spoke with a self-entitled and proud tone.
“Mind if we sit here?” Violet asked. Oz looked up into Tate’s half-aware eyes.
By the time Oz said, “U-Uh, sure, go ahead…” Tate had already plopped down next to him. And by the time the bus was moving off campus, sloppy makeout sounds were already emitting from them, Tate’s body trembling slightly.
Violet giggled. “Oh, Tatey, stop it, heehee…” Oz almost spoke up to ask them to stop, but the words wouldn’t come out, getting trapped in his throat. After failing a quick mental battle with himself, he directed his grimace out the window. For being too anxious to say anything, his reward was getting to listen to them all the way to his stop.
After the bus pulled up to his street, he finally turned and spoke up to Violet and Tate. “...U-Uhm, can I get out, please? This is my stop…” The kissing sounds continued. After a few moments, he tapped Tate on a pink fungus-covered shoulder.
The smacking sounds stopped as Tate awkwardly angled his head to Oz. “Sorry, what was that? I couldn’t hear you over me and Tate’s deep, pleasurable intimacy…” Violette boasted.
“Ugh... I-I said can I get up…”
Violet scowled. “Don’t ‘ugh’ us! Don’t worry, Tate, he’s just jealous of our love.”
“...Uhm, okay, sorry... Can I get up now?” The sloppy smacking sounds started up again, along with Violette’s giggles. Oz just sighed and worked to climb over them.
After he got off the bus, the only thing between him and his apartment was a fifteen minute walk and three flights of stairs. Once he made it up, and fought with his key refusing to turn in the lock, he dropped his bag by the door and plopped down on the couch with a heavy sigh. He thought about writing some fanfiction to clear his mind. Escaping into another world for just a little bit sometimes helped him… No, he didn’t really have the energy right now. He just opted for playing some random slice-of-life anime in the background while he lost himself in his thoughts.
(Yeah. Who’re you asking out?)
Who would ever go to monster prom with him? He had gone through and analyzed each and every one of his relationships routinely for a while now.
Damien? No, he was way too much for him. Damien would probably get him killed in a matter of days with all the shit he got into.
Liam? He was kinda rude, but in truth, Oz really admired how smart he was, to the point where he was overwhelmingly intimidated when talking to him.
Vera? Suicide.
Polly? He actually really liked Polly… She usually tried to help him feel included. But he could never keep up enough with her energy. She would get bored of him quickly.
Scott? Scott was someone he was also pretty comfortable around, since he was so nice and thoughtful. But their interests didn’t really align much at all, past a few video games and Pokeman…
And Miranda? She was, well… Miranda.
There were, of course, his closest friends, Vicky, Brian, and Amira. But he didn’t really see any of them in that way, more than friends. And they’d surely have dates of their own.
All of these thoughts, swirling around in his void of a head, were interrupted by his phone vibrating. He checked the notification, which was a text from Vicky.
Hey, Oz! Me and some others are going to the fair. Want me to pick you up?
He eyed the text for a while. It would probably be fun, but… He texted back.
Sorry, can’t. I’m rly swamped with homework rn.
He tossed the phone aside, not waiting to hear back from Vicky. The empty apartment slowly dimmed as the day turned to night.
───────
On the other end of the screen, Vicky raised an eyebrow at the message. Midterms were last week, so there was no way he was already swamped. She knew him well enough to let him be, though. Vicky was no stranger to comforting Oz in the midst of his anxiety and depression, though it could sometimes get exhausting, even for someone as energetic and sociable as her. She texted him back.
Okay, no worries! See you tomorrow, buddy
She thought for a moment, then added: I can pick you up tomorrow morning, if you want. We can go to 7/12 before school, my treat :)
Letting those concerns drift into the back of her mind, she hopped in her SUV, put her Vocaloid playlist on shuffle, and hit the gas. The car was old; she had gotten it from a junkyard. A graveyard for anything on wheels, as she had put it. But over time, she had rigged this one up to code, and then some. The engine roared proudly as she sped down the road, away from her apartment, out of downtown Monstropolis and out toward the county fair, where she was meeting some friends.
The grounds were packed; she ended up having to park way out in a field of cars. After a hike to the entrance, she paid for one hundred tickets, and immediately spotted a familiar purple vampire waiting in line for a ride, dozens of children in front of him. Vicky strolled up to him.
“Hey, Liam!” She eyed the ride. Children were laughing, sitting in large, spinning ducks.
“Greetings, Vicky. Would you care to join me on the spinning ducks?” He asked, his voice somehow emitting an aura of self-proclaimed superiority.
“You know that’s a ride for, like, little kids, right?” A few of the children in front of them turned to frown at her.
“Of course you would belittle those who are cultured. I find the vast majority of monster kind loses touch with their inner child, and by extension, the things that children enjoy, and those things lose their following. Which is why it’s perfect for me.”
Vicky looked off into the swarms of people walking along the fairgrounds. “Alright, well… I think I’ll pass for now, but thanks anyway. Have you seen any of the others yet?”
He scoffed. “I have. They, too, didn’t appreciate what true, quality entertainment should look like. Polina led them to look for the sketchiest ride they could find.”
“Oh, neat. I’m gonna go see if I can find them.” As if on cue, Vicky felt a sudden and powerful slap on her back. The force caused one of her arms to fall off and flop onto the ground “O-Ouch!”
Amira’s voice boomed, easily overpowering the noise of crowds talking around them. The light of her fire for hair gleamed, providing a glow in the darkening evening. “What’s up, V? Sorry I’m late, I got in a fight with a guy on the bus, and the driver kicked us off the bus. And then we kept fighting off the bus.” She looked down at her arm. “Oh, uh, sorry about that.”
Vicky bent down, grabbing her arm. “That’s okay, just a little more of a warning next time would be nice…”
“Will do. Won’t happen again.”
Vicky sighed as she worked at the stitches connecting her arm to her shoulder. This kind of exchange had happened many times.
“Anyways, I got some extra spending money out of that shit. We can split the extra tickets to go on more rides!” Amira handed thirty tickets to Vicky, who took them tentatively with her fully attached arm.
“...Uh, okay. Want to help me look for Polly and Scott?”
“Miranda is here, too,” Liam added, still not having moved forward in line since Vicky had found him. How long had he been waiting here?? “She said she wanted to find a carny to hire as a serf.”
Vicky raised an eyebrow. “What? Why?”
“I don’t know.”
“Whatever, let’s go find them. I’m itching to find the sketchiest ride I can!” Amira shouted as she punched her palm.
As they walked away, Vicky could hear Liam sigh to himself. “Plebeians…”
The two of them began to wade through a crowd that had a collective stench of BO and shit, the signature Monstropolis county fair smell. A minotaur bumped into Vicky, which she didn’t mind too much. However, Amira shoulder checked him in needless defense of Vicky, ramming him so hard that he fell to the ground. “Amira!”
Stifling a laugh, she gently pushed Vicky from behind, guiding her to keep going. “You’re welcome…” After they put a safe distance between them and the minotaur, Amira nudged Vicky. “Hey, who’re you asking to monster prom?”
“What? Oh. Hmm…” She looked down at the grass in thought.
“You gotta score somebody. You’ll look like a total loser if you don’t.”
“I don’t think—”
Amira interrupted her in classic Amira fashion. “Prime example: Leonard. He didn’t have a prom date last year, and now look at him. Total washed up loser, and nobody likes him.”
“I think nobody likes Leonard because he’s Leonard.”
“And where did his Leonardness come from? Not getting a prom date.”
Vicky didn’t really feel like having this debate. “Okay, sure. Who are you thinking about, then?”
She furrowed her eyebrows and squinted. “Scott’s probably a safe bet… We’re already good friends, and we like all the same stuff.”
“Yeah, but… Do you, like, actually like him?”
“Yeah, I’d say he’s about an eight.”
“No, not… Okay, whatever, go for Scott. I like Scott, he’s nice.”
She smirked. “Well you gotta find another date, ‘cause I ain’t sharing!”
“I wasn’t going to—”
Amira interrupted her again, pointing to one of the many game booths. “Oh, look, there they are!” Vicky’s eyes jumped from booth to booth before finding Polly and Miranda, both cheering on Scott, who was playing a dime pitch game. The giant leech running the booth smoked a cigarette as Scott played.
“Come on, Scott! Fourteenth time’s the charm!” Polly shouted.
“Hey, guys!” Vicky stood in between Polly and Miranda, and Amira just behind Scott, looking over his shoulder.
“Oh, hey, boo! Cheer on Scott with us!” Vicky peered around Scott, who tossed a dime onto a white table, decorated with tons of black dots that were the same size as a dime. The dime landed in white, partially covering one black dot.
“Too bad,” the leech said from the other side of the table non-committedly.
Scott frowned. “Aw, darn, I really thought I had it that time…” He suddenly lit up, his eyebrows shooting up. “Can I get a free try? It’s my birthday!”
“No.”
His frown returned as quickly as it disappeared. “Aw, you got me, it’s not really my birthday…”
Polly patted his shoulder. “It’s okay, Scott. You only lost five bucks that time.”
Vicky looked from the table up to Polly. “Wait, what? You bet actual money on this game? I thought you used tickets.”
“Nah, I just run my booth as a gambling parlor,” The leech said through a gravelly voice. “They don’t really care. People buy the tickets before they come in here.”
“Oh. Uh, Scott, you should stop betting your money on this game. There’s no way you’ll win.”
Scott pulled back his wallet. “Maybe you’re right…”
Amira leapt forward next to Scott. “No, Scott! It’s all in the follow through. Here, I’ll show you.” She reached for the table to grab the dime, pressed up against Scott from behind, and grabbed his arm to place the dime in it. She moved Scotts arms for him, making sure to feel up his muscles. “See? Like this…” She swung his arm back and forth, much harder and more forcefully than he was tossing the coin before.
“I think I get it!” Scott exclaimed.
Polly laughed. “That looks like way too hard of a throw, but I just gotta trust the process. Anything that involves groping muscles has to work.”
Scott lifted up his wallet once more, pulling out all the cash it held as he triumphantly announced his bet. “Carny bro, I’m betting everything on this throw! That’s…! Uh…” Scott took a moment to count all the money, having to start over multiple times after losing his place. He eventually let Vicky count it herself, and she handed it to the leech.
“That’s seventy six dollars,” she said.
“That’s seventy six dollars!” Scott repeated, lifting up the dime. “Amira super throw, ACTIVATE!!” He threw the dime as hard as he could, sending it flying clear over the table and hitting the top of the tent covering the booth. It ricocheted back into a bowling ball that was sitting precariously on a prize stand, sending it rolling forward to fall off the stand and onto the leech’s head. He collapsed onto the ground.
Scott’s eyes widened and his jaw dropped. “Oh no, I killed the carny bro!”
“Uh…” Polly took back all the money Scott had bet. It amounted to over two hundred dollars. “No, Scott, you won! Here, you get all your money back.”
“I do? Nice! Thanks, Amira, your super throw technique totally worked!” He wrapped an arm around her shoulders, squeezing her tight.
She let out a cocky laugh. “What did I say? All in the follow through.” Amira flashed her eyebrows at Vicky with half lidded eyes, to which she just responded with an awkward thumbs up.
Miranda put a finger to her chin. “Hmmm… Check if that commoner is still alive…”
Vicky climbed over the booth’s stand, and crouched down to inspect the leech. “...He’s still breathing, he’s just out cold.”
Her face lit up. “Wrap him in the tablecloth, and let’s take him to the car. I’ve been looking for a carny serf to run rigged games for our peasants! Leeches can breathe underwater, right?”
Vicky stood back up. “I wanted to go on some of the rides with everyone, though.”
“Don’t worry, boo,” Polly said. “You can catch up with us again. We’ll probably be at the dick smasher. Even though Scott is the only one here with a dick, to my knowledge.”
“And it’s ready to be SMASHED!” Scott boomed. Polly handed her car keys to Vicky.
“Fine…” Vicky pocketed the keys before yanking off the tablecloth and wrapping it around the unconscious leech. “Gimme a hand, Miranda?”
“Ew, no way! I’m not touching it, you carry it!” She squealed before starting to make her way back to the car. Vicky sighed and lifted the leech.
“Lift with your legs, Vicky!” Scott watched as she struggled away with the unconscious carny, grunting with each wobbly step. “...Have you been skipping leg day? Coach always says—”
“Let’s go, already!” Amira interrupted. Again. “The dick smasher caught my attention…”
After torturing her own arms and carrying the carny across the fairgrounds and far out into the parking lot, Vicky made it to Polly’s car, where an impatient merprincess waited. Miranda whined. “Ugh, finally! What took you so long?”
Vicky opened the trunk and dumped the leech inside, then fell to her knees and slumped forward against the trunk as she gasped for air. “This guy is heavier than he looks…”
“Oh, thanks for the heads up! I’ll have him put on a specialized starvation diet.” She eyed Vicky for a moment, waving a hand through her pink hair. “Hmmm… Vicky, how would you like to be my little helper for things like this? I prefer not to have most of my serfs do my dirty work, just so there aren’t witnesses in the Merkingdom.”
Vicky lifted her head, her breath still fast. “What? No way!”
“You don’t understand. This is a great opportunity! Think of all the royal benefits you’ll receive for being a direct underling!”
“Like what?”
“...So what do you say, Vicky!”
Before Vicky answered, she thought back to what Amira had said. “You gotta score somebody. You’ll look like a total loser if you don’t.” Was this really how she wanted to ensure a date, though?
“Uh, hello? Is it an ordinary custom for commoners to forget how to speak?”
Vicky pushed herself up. “...I think I’ll have to pass, Miranda, but thanks anyway.”
She scoffed. “Very well… My search for a land servant continues!”
The two of them made their way all the way back to the carnival, looking to find the other three again.