Work Text:
Comeback season is always a blur.
Don’t get Renjun wrong, he loves the process of preparing for a new album. The dance practices, recordings, photoshoots, fittings—the rush of it keeps him going. He loves when he can give his input lyrically and creatively, it’s what he spent all those years training for. Trying new genres, new styles, new clothes, new concepts, new everything. It keeps his brain stimulated.
But the month before the comeback date is always packed with so many schedules that the days start to blend together and there’s never enough time to get everything done. NCT Dream is coming back with a mini-album in a month and a half, and somehow, despite all the staff they have and all the logistical planning that is done in advance, they’re still finalizing the choreography and the music video isn’t to be filmed for another two weeks.
It doesn't help that it was Renjun’s birthday yesterday and after a long day of grueling recording sessions, the seven of them went out for dinner and drinks to celebrate. Maybe too many drinks for the early morning dance practice they had scheduled the next day. But you can’t blame him. You don’t turn 30 everyday, okay?
And maybe two years ago Renjun did swear off all kinds of alcohol because it bloated him and gave him an unimaginably painful hangover no matter how much or little he drank. But when Lee Donghyuck is whining in your ear to “let loose for once and come out!”, for forty minutes straight, it’s nearly impossible to not give in. Over the sizzle of barbequed pork belly, the seven of them crushed nine bottles of soju and an uncountable number of beers.
So Renjun has a bit of a migraine.
But he’s trying his best to act unaffected because there’s two cameras focused on them as they run through the choreography. The others look just as rough as him, hats pulled low over eyes, hoods and masks on, and in the baggiest clothing they own. The choreographer counts the beats loudly and maybe Renjun is just severely overstimulated, but each count seems to match the pounding in his head.
He holds back a groan as a cameraman shifts in his peripheral vision, capturing Mark’s footwork as he leads the formation. The choreography is nearly finished, they have less than half a stanza to polish up after the bridge. The title track is a groovy, 90s city pop inspired song, with no intense high notes or choreography, all smooth and flowing movements with no crazy formation changes, so Renjun isn’t struggling to get it down.
Or he doesn’t think he is, until one quick spin has his stomach lurching so violently that he has to stop moving to sink down to his knees and close his eyes for a moment.
“Hey, you okay?” Jaemin asks. He puts a hand on Renjun’s forehead. “He’s burning up.”
Renjun doesn’t know why Jaemin is speaking so loudly in his ear, but it's making his head pound so he waves him away. “Yeah, I’m fine. I just moved too fast.”
“Let’s take ten,” the choreographer calls out, clapping his hands together.
Renjun pushes his hoodie off his head, feeling sweat beading at his hairline. Fuck. He knew he should’ve stopped four shots in when his vision started blurring at the edges.
He lowers himself until he’s starfished across the floor, shielding his eyes from the fluorescent lighting shining above him. A second later, a shadow appears, blocking the light. Something cold touches his cheek, sending him jolting.
He opens an eye.
Jeno is crouched in front of Renjun, holding a water bottle out. “You’re probably dehydrated.” He offers a hand for Renjun to take.
Renjun takes it, Jeno’s palm is calloused and rough against him.
“He looks so pretty, even sweaty and hungover.”
Renjun jerks away. “What did you say?”
Jeno’s eyes are wide, lips parted. “I didn’t say anything.” He chuckles. “Are you imagining things?”
Renjun stares at him for a second longer, blinking. He rubs a hand over his face. “Yeah. I think I’m losing it.”
Jeno smiles in understanding, that sweet smile of his, where his lips curl up and his eyes curve up. He opens the bottle, carefully handing it over. When Renjun reaches for it, their fingers brush, just the slightest touch of cold, damp skin.
“So jumpy. I hope he’s okay.”
Renjun flinches because he swears he didn’t see Jeno’s mouth move but it sounded like he spoke. He gulps down the water like a man starved. It’s the dehydration that’s making him hear voices. This is why he swore off alcohol—it’s giving him hallucinations.
Jeno gives him one last gentle smile before rising and walking off towards the others crowding around the couch. Renjun watches him for a second longer before looking down at the bottle. He doesn’t know why but his hands are tingling.
He takes another swig of the water.
Definitely dehydration.
🍒
Renjun hates dieting.
He’s a foodie by nature and this hangover is making him crave something greasy, salty, and everything he’s not supposed to be eating right now. Especially after burning all that energy during practice, the urge to order something he’ll later regret is strong. So after coming home and snacking on a banana, he jumps in the shower to scrub himself clean. Renjun can feel his hangover and pounding headache run off his body and into the drain.
He takes just a step out of the bathroom, towelling his hair dry when he runs into Jeno. It takes him by surprise for a moment - he nearly forgot Jeno is staying in the dorm. Although he has his own apartment, during comebacks everyone tends to stay at the dorms for the sake of proximity to the company and convenience for their managers.
He jumps back with a hand on his chest. “My god, you scared me. Why are you creeping around?”
Jeno is dressed in a sweatsuit, keys in hand like he’s on his way out. “Sorry. I was waiting for you to finish your shower.”
Renjun steps around him. “Well the bathroom is free.”
“Wait.” Jeno tugs on his sleeve. “I’m really craving some ice cream. Do you want to go with me to the convenience store to get some?”
Renjun shakes his head. “No. I can’t.”
“Can’t or won’t?”
“Can’t,” Renjun repeats resolutely. “I’m supposed to be watching what I’m eating. Especially after everything we drank yesterday, I don’t snap back the same way I did when I was 25.”
Jeno’s bottom lip curls up in a pout. “Come on. I’ll pay.”
“Jeno.”
“Please?”
Renjun caves, because the sight of a pouting Jeno makes him weak. “Fine! I’m not getting anything, but I’ll go with you.”
Jeno beams, pearly whites on display. Renjun slides a sweater on and follows behind Jeno. It’s warm for March, definitely the warmest day of the year so far. There’s a gentle breeze, cool against Renjun’s damp hair, sending a slight shiver down his spine.
The convenience store is only a five minute walk from the dorm and it’s empty besides the bored looking teenager at the cashier, scrolling through her phone. Jeno beelines it for the frozen section and leans over the ice cream fridge, humming in contemplation. He pulls out a cookies and cream cone and a Melona bar.
Renjun immediately notices. “I’m not having that.” Jeno walks past him as if he didn’t hear anything and places the items at the register. “Hey!”
Jeno quickly pays before Renjun can say even one more word and nudges them both outside. He takes a seat on the bench outside the store, holding out the green Melona bar. “Take it.”
“Do you not listen at all?”
“Just take it! Or else it’s gonna melt and go to waste,” Jeno says, eyes twinkling mischievously. He knows that Renjun hates wasting food more than anything. He smiles, satisfied, when Renjun grabs it with a huff and peels the wrapper back.
He takes a seat on the bench, nibbling on the corner of the bar, the sweet melon flavour bursting in his mouth. The bench is barely long enough to hold two grown men so he has no choice but to slide in closer to Jeno, their arms pressed against one another.
The night is quiet, no sounds but the whoosh of the breeze and the distant sound of traffic. It’s quiet enough that he can hear the muffled music from inside the store, a bright and trendy girl group song with a bass strong enough to be vibrating through the walls.
Then, “I used to pray for days like this." Renjun stills. “Just sitting here with him…” Renjun feels Jeno turn his head, looking over. He can hear the crunch of the cone the other is chewing on. “God he’s so beautiful like this.” A long pause. “I think I’ve spent more of my life in love with him than not.”
Renjun chokes out a gasp, jerking away violently.
The Melona in his hand falls to the floor. Jeno swears and jumps to his feet, and he’s muttering something to himself or maybe he’s talking to Renjun and then he’s running back into the store. Renjun stares blankly at the ice cream on the concrete, the melted treat seeping into the cracks of the cement, pooling under the sole of his shoe.
Holy shit. So he wasn’t losing his mind earlier during practice. He did hear Jeno’s thoughts.
A part of him is trying to convince himself into thinking Jeno said it out loud but he knows Jeno was too preoccupied licking his ice cream to open his mouth and speak. And he knows the voice is Jeno’s. It has the same timbre, the same pauses, the same rounded vowels. Unless he’s being haunted by a ghost who knows exactly how to mimic Jeno’s voice, which is an option that’s not completely off the table.
He’s also a little concerned about what exactly Jeno is thinking. Loving him? In love with Huang Renjun?
Something is going very wrong.
🍒
The second Renjun steps back into the dorm, he all but runs to Donghyuck’s room, much to Jeno’s confusion. He slams the door open and closes it immediately behind him, turning the lock. The man in question is hunched over his laptop, spam clicking his mouse, but he pauses his game at Renjun’s dramatic entrance.
“Jeno is in love with me.”
There is a long moment of silence. Renjun’s chest is rapidly rising and falling from his running, blood pumping in his ears. He’s not sure Donghyuck even heard him, but then he hears quiet laughter coming from him. Then the laughter gets louder, and he’s full body cackling, head thrown back. He wipes the corners of his eyes, heaving a breath.
“Well, duh,” Donghyuck chokes out between the remnants of his laughter.
“What? Why are you saying that? Is this something he told you?” Renjun demands, stepping over a pair of socks thrown on the floor.
Donghyuck spins around in his chair and throws his feet up on the bed. He gestures for Renjun to take a seat. “I mean… Why do you think so? Did he tell you?”
“No. Well—not really. But kind of?” Renjun sighs. “Just hear me out first without saying anything, okay? Ever since this morning, whenever I touch anyone I can hear their thoughts. At first I thought it was a fluke and I was hallucinating, but then I realized when I touched Jeno that I could hear everything he was thinking.”
Donghyuck sits up, face contorted in disbelief. “Renjun… Don’t tell me… You’re a virgin?”
“What?”
“Are you?”
Renjun chokes a little. “That’s none of your business! Why are you asking me that?” He feels heat rising up his cheeks painfully.
Donghyuck’s jaw drops, a hand over his mouth. “Oh my god.”
“Why does that matter?” he repeats, shifting uncomfortably. His sexual past - or lack thereof - is not a comfortable topic to talk about.
“I didn’t think it was real,” Donghyuck starts, then stops. “There’s a rumour. Or maybe it’s an urban legend. Apparently, when you hit 30 and you’re still a virgin, you get the ability to hear people’s thoughts.” His eyes widen. “And your birthday was yesterday, which adds up!”
Renjun sputters. “Magic?! Do you expect me to believe that?”
“You’re talking about reading minds and you don’t think magic is real? How else would you explain this?” Donghyuck rolls his chair closer, holding his hands out. “Okay, let’s test it out. I’ll think something in my head and when I count to three, we both say it out loud at the same time.”
He hesitates. Not because he thinks it’s stupid and won’t work, but because he knows it will and that’ll confirm everything. Not just the super power, or his virginal status to Donghyuck, but the elephant in the room that starts with ‘Jeno’s’ and ends with ‘feelings’.
He holds Donghyuck’s clammy hands. It’s a little quiet, some buzzing. Then, “What should I say—something serious? No, um…. Haechan is the best vocalist I know.”
He counts to three.
“You’re the best vocalist I know.”
“I’m the best vocalist you know.”
They speak at the same time. Chills race up Renjun’s spine. “Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.” He stands up and paces around the room. Runs a hand through his hair. Then another. “What the fuck! How do I get rid of this?”
Donghyuck hums, leaning back in his chair. It creaks under his weight. “I heard about this from Johnny-hyung a few years ago, who heard it from his friend’s cousin; you have to have sex. Lose your virginity.”
Renjun clutches his head between his hands, sinking back onto the bed.
“Honestly, Renjunnie, I really can’t believe you haven’t had sex before. Are you saving it for marriage?”
He sniffs, straightening up. “So what if I am?”
“Oh.” Donghyuck nods, the teasing tone disappearing. “That’s cool then, I guess.”
Renjun deflates with a groan. “I’m not saving it. I’m joking.”
“What happened to Taejoon? Was that his name? You guys were together for a few months.”
He sighs. “We weren’t together, not really. And we didn’t go that far—not all the way.” Renjun shrugs, trying but failing to stop the shame creeping up on him. “I’m just saving it for someone who matters and really cares for me. Is that really such a crime? Thirty isn’t that old.” His hands close into fists. “But I guess I can’t do that anymore.”
Donghyuck wiggles his brows. “Well… you do have someone now.”
His brows crinkle. “Who?”
“Jeno?”
Renjun shakes his head. “No, I definitely misheard it. Or misunderstood what he was saying. Jeno is the straightest guy I know.” He gets to his feet. “You’ve seen his roster of ex-girlfriends. There’s just no way.”
There’s a moment where Donghyuck isn’t responding, just sending him a look that Renjun can’t put his finger on. It’s somewhere between disbelief and confusion, or perhaps incredulity. It makes Renjun feel unsettled, filling his stomach with a cold sense of unease.
Then Donghyuck’s phone lights up with a notification and he spins back around in his chair. He unpauses his game, filling the room with the sounds of guns shooting. “Good luck with that. Let me know how it goes.”
🍒
This superpower of his is a lot more bearable when he’s hearing the fleeting thoughts of one person at a time. It’s not terrible, really just a louder version of talking to someone, except rather than hearing it, it’s a projection into his brain, much like a memory.
But now, as he’s getting ready for this fan event, the voices are overlapping as he’s being touched by stylists, hair stylists, and makeup artists alike. As someone combs through his hair, he hears about how she hasn’t eaten since 7 am and “Wow, Renjun-ssi needs more conditioner, his hair is so dead back here”, while another pats his cheeks with the pad of her finger, her thoughts of “I can’t believe Jiwon called off today, she’s such a bitch—oh shit that’s way too much blush!”
He has to refrain from rubbing the bridge of his nose, feeling another oncoming headache. Luckily, today’s event isn’t a signing, where he would be touching hands with fans, and while he normally doesn’t mind it at all, right now he would do anything to avoid hearing their fans’ most intimate thoughts. It’s just a fan meeting—there’s some games scheduled, talking, a few songs to sing. He should be able to make it through though, especially after taking a painkiller for the headache.
Renjun is the last to get his makeup done, so as soon as he’s finished, they’re all ushered backstage. He adjusts his in-ear, listening to the intro music beginning to play and the cheering from the audience.
“Hey, hold on. Your mic-pack is coming out,” Jeno says, pulling him back by his shirt.
Renjun freezes, not able to respond before Jeno is turning him around to fix the mic in his back pocket. One of his hands is stabilized on Renjun’s hip and instantly, Renjun hears a rapid rush of thoughts flooding his brain.
“He looks so good, this has to be illegal. I love when they put these jeans on him.” This time, it’s not only words filtering into his head but flashing images of himself wearing the same blue jeans he has on now. These must be Jeno’s memories—Renjun at a cafe, an instagram photo he posted in them, after a concert, his legs as he’s bending over-
Renjun tears himself out of Jeno’s memories with a violent cough, stepping away as far as he can. He can feel his face burning but he hopes his BB cream covers all redness that threatens to peek through.
“Thanks,” he stammers out, flustered.
When they’re on stage, Renjun is momentarily distracted, a distraction he’s beyond grateful for and desperately needed. He loves his job, he really does. There’s a different kind of joy he feels from being on stage and performing, a full body warmth he gets to experience with a microphone in his hand, standing side by side with his friends while doing something he loves. He gets lost in their music and the lights, and he’s grateful for it.
It isn’t until the games begin that he remembers he has a bit of an issue going on. It takes a game of charades that gets way too intense for Renjun to start becoming too hyper aware of everyone—especially Jeno. First, he thinks it’s just a fleeting glance, as Jeno attempts to guess the word because he’s supposed to be looking at everyone for hints. But Renjun quickly realizes Jeno is only really looking at him as he acts out the word. Besides a quick glance at Chenle once, his gaze is fixed onto Renjun, round after round. It’s odd, but Renjun waves it away.
Then it’s during the frying pan game, Jeno rests a hand on Renjun’s back in consolation as they both wait for the game to reset after being outed one round in. Renjun is quick to distance himself just as he begins hearing the whispers of a voice in his head. Again, not out of the ordinary but something feels different now. It doesn’t feel right to be touching him - it feels invasive.
During the rest of the fan meet, Renjun’s hands are stuck to his side as he tries his best to avoid even being brushed by anyone else. Which is nearly an impossible task, might he add, being group mates with six other men who love fan service and physical contact.
He tries his best to smooth his face into normalcy, but he must look particularly tense when Donghuck pats his shoulder. “Are you trying to ignore him? He looks like a kicked pup.”
Donghyuck could be talking about anyone, but Renjun looks right at Jeno, who stands quietly to the side, his bottom lip slightly overturned. Guilt floods him and makes his stomach turn.
Annoyed, Renjun knocks Donghyuck’s hand off him and accidentally bumps into Chenle. “Shit, did I unplug the grill before leaving?!”
Renjun screams internally.
🍒
Renjun has always known he’s gay.
It’s something that just came to him, somewhere between his first crush on his classmate back in Jilin to becoming a trainee alongside dozens of cute boys. He used to like the loud, outspoken type that would be at the front of every crowd and crack jokes. The ones that easily attracted attention and were an object of envy. The ones all the girls liked, and he could admire from a distance.
Then, something shifted when he learned he was debuting with NCT Dream and he got closer to the other members. He realized that maybe he didn’t like the popular type as much as he thought he did.
Maybe he preferred the soft spoken, kindhearted ones, the ones who were overlooked sometimes, not because they weren’t talented, but because they didn’t want to bring too much attention to themselves. The ones with a charming smile and gentle hands, always willing to lend an ear to listen with or a shoulder to cry on. The ones who would accompany him to the arts and crafts store just to hold the basket or offer half of their sandwich when the waitress got his order wrong.
So, yes, Renjun would be lying if he said he never found his bandmates attractive. And yes, he would be lying if he said he didn’t have a crush on Lee Jeno when he was seventeen.
He wouldn’t call it a fleeting crush, no. But he also wouldn’t call it a long, multi-year crush either. He liked Jeno. His heart would race when their hands touched and skip a beat when Jeno would talk to him. He would avoid the other’s focused gaze and fight a blush when they would change in front of each other.
But that all stopped when Jeno brought home a girl for the first time.
“This is Hwayoung,” Jeno had said back then. The girl standing beside him was objectively pretty, with short hair to her ears and wispy bangs that hung over her eyes. She was tucked behind Jeno, a hand wrapped around his forearm, the other waving at them shyly. Her smile was sweet.
Renjun hated her.
But he couldn’t for long. She was too nice, too willing to get to know all of them, too respectful of their schedules as idols. Too understanding for Renjun to hold any form of a grudge against her. And so, Renjun did as any respectful gay man would do when in love with a straight man—he distanced himself. And it worked - slowly, but surely, his feelings for Jeno dissipated like rocks under the crash of the sea waves.
She and Jeno dated for over a year before breaking up because she was leaving to study abroad. At that point, Renjun only consoled Jeno as a friend would, offering to play video games with him and taking him out to eat to cheer him up.
Hwayoung was Jeno’s longest relationship. The other girls Jeno dated—Kyungmi who was a bit of a tomboy, Sujin who he never met, Dayoung who worked at a cafe Jeno frequented, none of them stuck around for too long.
But one thing was abundantly clear to Renjun - Lee Jeno was straight.
So, there’s no way Jeno likes him, at least not in that way. And saying he’s loved Renjun for years? Don’t make him laugh. In what world could you love someone and date other people?
But somehow, this superpower and everything Donghyuck said has put a buzzing insect inside Renjun, an incessant nudge to his chest that makes him wonder if it’s true. Maybe, just maybe, Jeno has always harboured these feelings for Renjun. The small chance that he has been hiding these… romantic feelings for Renjun all these years is a thought that Renjun can’t help but fixate on.
It opens the floodgates, the memories and feelings he swore he didn’t have anymore. Those fleeting moments, the small touches, the little gestures—it’s stirring inside him.
Like a few days ago, despite Renjun’s attempts to not touch anyone more than necessary, he ran into Jeno at the recording studio. He just finished his turn recording a b-side track and when he stepped out of the booth, Jeno was sitting beside the producer, a huge grin on his face.
“That was amazing,” Jeno said, getting to his feet. “That final bridge suits your vocal tone perfectly.”
“You were here the whole time?” Renjun asked, unable to stop a small smile at the praise.
Jeno nodded. “I thought I’d swing by early. Never wanna miss a chance to hear you sing.” On his way into the booth, he clapped Renjun on the back. “His voice is just as beautiful as him.” The rest of his thoughts trail away as he walks away.
Renjun can’t deny the way his heart fluttered. No, it didn’t just flutter, it grew a wingspan of three meters and shot out of his chest into the sky.
But truthfully, even if Jeno does feel that way, which Renjun knows he doesn’t, Renjun has no idea what to do. He’s never dated anyone seriously, but it’s not for a lack of trying. It just never got to that point, the point where he liked someone enough to be committed in a relationship, where that person becomes his other half. Everything falls apart before that.
And he’s no prude, but he’s never felt comfortable enough to put out, even if that’s a fact that someone like Donghyuck could never comprehend. He wants to be loved before that. But he doesn’t know how. He doesn’t know how to be a boyfriend, how to love someone. There’s no manual, no rules, but there’s a wrong way to do it.
But this mind reading is undeniably getting to him. At best, it’s annoying, something he can avoid if he keeps his hands to himself. At worst, it’s a pounding, overstimulating migraine that thrums constantly between his brows when he’s working. Because someone is always touching him in some way; security, stylists, fans, members, staff, managers.
A tiny part of him thinks about downloading one of those hookup apps to find someone to take this curse away, anyone willing to take his virginity. But the idea is so terrifying that he has to put his phone down. The only thing more scary than having sex for the first time is having sex for the first time with a complete stranger.
Maybe he should just ask Donghyuck to help him since he knows about the curse. But the idea alone has him shuddering - he could never imagine touching Donghyuck’s dick. His mind travels over the other members but his body recoils at each of them. The 127 hyungs? God, no. WayV? A violent shiver ricochets up his spine. No. No, no.
So despite this urgent need to fix his problem, he decides he should wait a bit longer. He also decides he should nip this growing bud inside him at the root. By avoiding Jeno.
At least avoid touching him.
Which is much easier said than done with a comeback around the corner. He could have gotten away with it during another time, when everyone is busy with solo activities and the only ones in the dorm are him and Jisung. But this forced proximity is driving him up the walls. The recordings, fittings, jacket photoshoots, music video filming.
He’s trying his best, even when it’s probably obvious to everyone that he’s keeping his distance from Jeno specifically. He pretends he doesn’t see the looks the others shoot him when he keeps a foot of distance between them at all times, or shifts further down the couch when the other sits down.
But the most difficult part is deflecting Jeno’s questioning glances and hesitant touches.
Last week, Renjun and Chenle cooked a bit of a feast for the seven of them, their dining table lined with classic Chinese dishes. The others settled around the table quickly, digging into the food. Chenle was rummaging through the fridge, looking for a jar of chili oil which left Renjun deciding between two seats. One was at his usual spot, sandwiched between Jisung and Jeno, and the other beside Mark.
He easily chose the chair beside Mark because he knew Jeno had a habit of manspreading and the table was cramped, so they would definitely touch. He thought everyone was too busy eating to notice, but when he looked up, Jeno had stopped mid-chew to send him a look so full of hurt that Renjun had to tear his gaze away immediately. His eyes were asking why Renjun was avoiding him, what did he do to deserve it?
And it tears at Renjun’s heart. It physically pains him to be hurting Jeno like this. But he knows this is for the best, for the both of them.
🍒
“I need to get laid,” Renjun says as a greeting the second Kibum opens the door to his apartment. He’s wearing a sunhat and gardening gloves pulled to his elbows, a confused expression on his face on why Renjun is at his doorstep with no warning.
But somehow his response is calm, not surprised. “Honey, we all need to get laid.”
After letting him inside, they settle around the television, one of Kibum’s dogs settling in Renjun’s lap. Some soap opera is playing in the background, the volume turned down to nothing but a murmur that neither of them are paying attention to.
He scratches behind fluffy ears as he explains the situation to his hyung. Somehow, after a few weeks of living with his condition, it’s slightly easier to talk about it. Kibum is oddly not surprised at all, simply humming as Renjun explains, nodding supportively even when Renjun’s voice falters in embarrassment.
“You’re not… shocked? Weirded out?” Renjun tests, when the older man sips on his water without answering.
“You’re not the first one to tell me this surprisingly. I’ve heard about this magical virginal countdown.” Kibum chuckles. “Actually, coincidence or not, the people I’ve heard it from are all closeted.”
“I’m not closeted!” Kibum gives him a look. “Okay—fine. Maybe a little. But I mean that’s not what was stopping me from having sex.”
Kibum waves a hand impatiently. “Don’t worry, I’m not judging you.” His eyes sharpen and he leans in a little. “But I am curious. Why are you here? Telling me this?”
“Advice? Help?” Renjun shrugs hopelessly.
“So, you want me to fuck you?”
“No!” He shakes his head. “What the hell?”
“I thought so. I’m really not your type.”
Renjun stumbled over his words. “Hyung, you’re in a relationship! What are you talking about—and my type? What do you even know about my type?”
Kibum gets to his feet, busying himself in the kitchen, pulling out snacks that Renjun probably won’t be able to indulge in. “Renjun-ah, let’s be serious for a moment, okay? You’ve only ever been interested in the same genre of men.”
When Renjun doesn’t reply, Kibum continues. “Tall, dark-haired, soft-spoken, athletic, gentle—the kind of guy you bring home to your mom.”
“That describes about half of the population,” Renjun argues.
Kibum, as quick as ever, is faster to shoot back, “Or maybe it’s the exact description of your little bandmate.” Renjun’s mouth snaps shut. As if sensing his distress, the dog leaps out of his lap with a whine. “I know you’re having some kind of internal debate on why you shouldn’t sleep with Jeno that I can’t stop. Oh, don’t give me that look, I know all about your crush.” Renjun is starting to think Kibum is the one with the mind reading powers.
“But I know plenty of guys that would absolutely be down to help you with your situation. They won’t be total strangers, I can vet them to see if they’re a good fit for you.” Kibum’s offer is genuine, and Renjun doesn’t doubt it for a moment. He’s always been someone Renjun could go to for help. And Renjun knows he should take the offered hand, it makes sense. It’s the easiest way to solve all of his issues.
And yet.
He can’t help but hesitate. He can’t pinpoint why, the source of his reluctance. It’s nestled somewhere between an echoing, deep voice in his mind and the leaking crack of feelings in his heart he can’t seem to move past.
It must show on his face because Kibum’s eyes soften and he approaches Renjun, taking his hands. “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, Renjun-ah. But I think you should talk to him. Tell him.”
Renjun pulls his hands away, fisting them in his lap. He swallows thickly around the lodged feelings in his throat.
“But if you change your mind, you know where to find me,” Kibum takes a step away, smiling gently. He puts his hands on his hips, cocking them to one side. “Now, are you staying for dinner?”
🍒
The music video shoot goes just as disorganized as Renjun had known it would.
Due to bad planning on the company’s part, filming begins too late in the afternoon to result in anything but an overnight shoot. The weather wasn’t cooperating for the outdoor group shots, so that entire plan was scrapped after failed attempts of waiting out the rain, leaving the director demanding more B-Roll shots to fill the gaps.
Of course, because the world is against Renjun, he ends up being paired with Jeno for the B-Roll shots. Luckily, the scenes are simple, just a few random shots that match the storyline - holding a flower, drinking from a cup, looking at each other. All of which, Renjun has had to do on many occasions with his members, but today feels more difficult than it should have been.
Renjun feels colder than usual and Jeno is expertly avoiding his gaze. It’s tense enough that the director has to repeatedly prompt them to be warmer. Renjun pushes his smile up to reach his eyes during the next take.
By the time the shoot finishes, it’s just past four in the morning and everyone is yawning as they begin packing up to head home. But despite the full body exhaustion Renjun feels, his head is running at a million kilometers a second and he doesn’t think he can sleep anytime soon. So when the others are starting to shuffle into the van, he tells his manager he wants to go for a walk instead, promising to get back to the dorm safely. Their manager is hesitant but agrees, telling Renjun to be careful and call him if he needs anything. The other members don’t notice him slipping away, his hoodie pulled over his head.
The set is less than a block away from the river so Renjun heads in that direction. It’s too early for the sun to be out besides the distant emerging light over the horizon and the clouds from the rain showers have mostly disappeared, leaving behind that earthy scent of rain.
Renjun’s fingers work at untangling his headphones to enjoy a relaxing walk when he hears someone call his name from behind. He holds back a groan.
It’s the one person he doesn’t want to be around now. The one person that’s made his head a mess like this.
Jeno slows his jog to keep pace with Renjun. For a moment it’s silent between them. “You okay?”
“Just needed a walk.”
“Oh.” A few steps over crunchy gravel. “Do you mind me tagging along?”
‘You’re already here!’ Renjun thinks to himself but shrugs, not knowing how to turn him down. They walk silently, listening to the waves of the water against the shore, the birds chirping awake. It should be relaxing, but the opposite of relaxation is what he feels as the words Kibum told him echoes through his head. Tell him. You should tell him.
Jeno is much braver than him and breaks the awkward silence first. “Did I do something to upset you?”
His tone is so coloured with hurt that Renjun can physically feel his resolve chipping away. He sighs. “No. You didn’t. It’s just something I’ve been dealing with.”
“Ah.” He pauses again, long. “You can tell me anything, you know right? I’m here for you.”
“I’m fine—” Renjun starts to insist. Then suddenly, there’s a loud whoosh approaching from behind and Renjun is yanked by his arm to the side of the sidewalk as a bicycle rushes by.
“I wish I could do something to comfort him. He looks so lost. And he’s been avoiding me too.” Jeno lets go, but not before Renjun hears, “If only he knew how much I care.”
And Renjun has had enough. It rushes up inside him, all of it. The feelings, the denial, the looks, the touches… it all erupts out of him. The existential crisis of emotions Renjun has bottled up and had to face in the last month, this divine punishment he’s been given. He can’t deny it for even a moment longer.
He says, no, spits, “If you care so much, why don’t you confess already?”
Jeno is like a deer in headlights. “What?”
“Jeno—” Renjun’s face burns as he realizes what he’s just done. “Fuck.”
He freezes in his spot, stalling, not knowing what to do. Jeno is looking at him, wide eyed, for an explanation and Renjun knows he has no choice but to tell him the truth. He pulls the two of them off the sidewalk, behind a cluster of trees further down the grassy field. For once, Jeno’s head is completely silent, unthinking.
Renjun lowers his voice, whipping his head around to make sure no one is around before talking. “I’m going to tell you something, but… I’m not crazy, okay?”
“That’s not a promising start,” Jeno replies after a beat.
Renjun swallows, his heart racing. “Please! Just hear me out.”
“Okay, I’m listening.”
“I can read minds. When I touch people, I can hear their thoughts.” There’s a long, long pause, where Jeno’s big eyes somehow only get bigger, empty like his mind hasn’t grasped what Renjun is saying. “I’m not crazy! I swear. Donghyuck knows too, it’s real.”
When Jeno still doesn’t respond, Renjun continues, his pitch rising. “I’m… look. It started on my birthday and I can’t stop it right now. I didn’t want to avoid you, or make you think I hate you, I swear. I just… didn’t want to hear your thoughts.”
Then finally: “Oh my god.”
“Yeah.”
Jeno’s tone is full of disbelief. “You can actually hear thoughts? For real? This isn’t a joke?”
Renjun shakes his head fast enough to make his vision swim. “I wouldn’t joke about this.”
Another bicycle whooshes down the road, then the soft pitter patter of an early morning runner. They stay quiet until the runner passes by and is far down the sidewalk. There’s a silent tension between them and Renjun keeps his mouth shut, letting Jeno process the situation.
“So all this time… you knew that I—”
“-that you like me?” Renjun bites his lip, chews on it. “Yeah.”
Jeno runs a hand over his face, sighing. “Oh my god. I’m…” He trails off. “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I totally get it if you need more space and if you don’t feel the same.”
The first thing Renjun thinks is, 'Really? I told you about my magical powers and you’re more concerned about your crush? Is he nuts?'
Then he sees the pink splotches on Jeno’s cheeks and his downturned eyes. The way he fidgets with his fingers, and the bob of his Adam's apple as he swallows nervously. And Renjun really can’t deny it anymore. He’s enamoured. He never stopped.
Renjun looks around to see if anyone is coming and when the coast is clear, he tugs Jeno forward by the unzipped part of his jacket and kisses him. It’s just a peck, just their lips slotted between one another. Jeno’s chapped bottom lip, pressed against Renjun’s.
There’s no fireworks, no big explosions like you see in the movies. Nothing changes - the branches of the tree still bristle from the wind, the water still laps and splashes against the rocks, and a squirrel still scurries by them with a squeak. Nothing in the world changes.
And yet, everything changes.
The kiss feels like both longing and acceptance. Like coming home after a long day, still feeling the exhaustion rattling your bones while sinking into the comfort of the couch. Like hugging someone you haven’t seen in years, their scent foreign and new, yet their touch the same as before. It's both familiar and completely unfamiliar.
“Oh my god, am I dreaming?”
Renjun pulls back to rest his forehead against the other’s, the adrenaline rushing through his blood leaving him heavy breathing, his chest heaving.
“Just… shut up,” Renjun mumbles, unable to help the tiny smile spreading across his lips.
“You—!”
Renjun continues. “I like you too. I just didn’t know how to tell you.”
They’re still touching, fingers interlaced, heads against one another. There’s a huge rush of feelings that surge up in Renjun - it’s his own, bold, overwhelming, swirling in with Jeno’s, a constant, quiet strum. A wave of love, relief and everything warm surrounds Renjun in a tight embrace. His heart both races in excitement and settles in comfort.
Jeno asks quietly, “So, you heard me thinking about you? All of those things?”
“Yes. Some of it.”
“And you still like me?”
“I do.” It’s softer when they kiss this time as Jeno pulls him close, gentle and tooth achingly sweet, filling Renjun with warmth that sweeps down to his toes. He thinks he can stay like this forever, wrapped in Jeno’s touch, surrounded by his thoughts and the scent of his cologne.
Then Renjun yawns into the kiss.
Jeno laughs against his lips, pulling away. “We should head back soon. It’s nearly five in the morning.”
Reluctantly, they part and Renjun is immediately missing the warmth beside him and tucks his cold hands into his pockets. But they only get a few steps back towards the set when Jeno pauses. “Wait. How do we get rid of your power?”
Renjun blushes furiously, then picks up his pace, all but running down the street.
“Renjun? Wait! Wait!”