Chapter Text
Dear Error,
Hi. I’m not sure why I am writing this. Well, fine, I might have a little of an idea. You always could see straight through me, could you? I can see you now, shaking your head with a little smile. I was never bad at pretending, you know? Maybe it was just you who was particularly observant. Stars, it was so annoying. But I don’t know. It kinda felt nice, I guess. You were one of the few I didn’t have to worry about keeping my mask up all the time with.
Anyway. I’m just writing this because people told me it might be good for me. I’m really not sure how. It’s not like you will ever be reading this. You can’t. So it’s silly to pretend like you can. I don’t know. If you even have the ability to hear me or know how I’m feeling, then… you just do because of our connection. I guess. Like, I don’t know how angels work. But I’m sure they have privileges that transcend only being able to communicate verbally or through some stupid letter.
Sorry. I shouldn’t be so bitter or whatever. This letter isn’t “stupid,” it’s just the concept is silly. I’m mostly just doing it to humor Dream and the gang. Don’t worry, they haven’t changed one bit. They’re always looking out for us, whether we wanted it or not.
This is so stupid. I know that you probably know how I feel. Or how I’ve been doing. I talk to you all the time, of course you know. Me just writing a letter on top of all that is just overkill at this point. I’m sorry, you’re probably getting real sick of hearing me talk, huh? You know me, just going on and on. But maybe that’s okay. It’s… kind of like how we used to be, right?
My hand’s getting sort of tired, so I might as well actually do the purpose of this thing. I’m just writing to tell you that I miss you. I miss you a lot. I know, I know, if you were here, you’d tell me that it was okay. That I don’t need to feel so bad, that you know I loved you. But I don’t know. I keep telling myself that, but it’s hard. I can hope that you knew. We didn’t have any real big, dramatic fight right before the end, like those sad AU stories or anything. We had it pretty good. I think our last interaction was super happy, wasn’t it? We were just eating mac-and-cheese and these little chicken dinos ‘cus Pj wanted them. And then, you left. We said goodbye and everything, nothing about it was “bad” at all. It was so good, I don’t think there’s anything I would change if I had a chance to do it over again.
I’m not sure. I guess I just wish I knew. Like, knew for sure. I can tell myself these things all day long, but I will never really know unless you could just tell me. But that’s impossible. So all I can do is just keep telling myself, over and over again, day after day, and maybe. Just maybe, one of these days, I will finally get it.
I’m sorry. Here I am overthinking again. Making you reassure me from beyond the grave. You probably thought you’d get a break from that, huh? Well, sorry to burst your bubble. I’m the same ol’ mess I always was.
Everybody is doing okay. Dream, Blue, Core, everybody is helping me out. It’s actually getting kind of annoying. They’re always over, bringing me food, offering to help with chores, trying to watch the kids so I can take a “break.” I don’t want a break, I want to keep busy. If I’m not busy, then… it’s not good. I’m not doing anything. I can’t get out of bed or quit crying or being an overall pathetic lump, so it’s better if I just never get to that state in the first place.
Oh, hush. I can hear you right now. Shut it. I am making sure to take breaks. Every now and then. I’m not completely burning out from my job or anything, so you don’t have to get on my case about that. Besides, I don’t think Dream would even freaking let me. Hey, if you could somehow come and haunt him, get him to lay off me a little bit, I would greatly appreciate that. It would help me a ton.
Anyway, the kids are all doing okay too. Pj’s the one who’s taking it the hardest. I’m being there for him. He’s hanging in there, but he misses you a lot. He’s trying to be strong for the other two. I’m trying to get him to understand that it’s okay to let himself feel. It’s not good for him to be bottling everything up to keep a brave face. That’s my job.
Gray keeps asking where you are. I don’t know. I’m really trying. I’m trying really hard. I told him the truth. That you’re gone and in heaven now. I thought that was better than lying to him. But I guess he’s still young enough, he doesn’t really understand yet. It’ll be okay, I’m trying to be there for him too.
Of course, lil Speckle doesn’t know. But that’s a given. Please don’t worry. I will make sure she knows all about you. And how similar you guys look. I wonder if she’ll be more like you or me? It’ll be nice if she was like me. It would finally be one more win I have over you since the other two mostly took after you.
I’m mostly just kidding. I would love it if she took after you too. Like father, like daughter, right? That would be adorable.
Well. My hand officially hurts now. I dumped more than I thought I would. Dream should be proud of me, eh? Maybe this will finally get him off my back a little.
Just know I love you. I don’t know if I’ll do this again. I might not, but I could. I don’t know, it felt kinda nice thinking that only you might read this. It’s almost like one of our little secrets together. Just like old times.
Please don’t worry about me. I’ll be okay. Just take care of yourself, alright? I want to know about all the fun things you got to do while I’m stuck down here. You can’t be out there having a blast if you’re too caught up worrying about me, now can you? I love you so much, Error. I’ll talk to you again later.
With all my heart,
Ink.