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It was the beginning of spring. You could hear the thrushes singing, see the butterflies emerging from their cocoons, and hear the cats meowing from rooftops, trees, and grasslands.
Felix was reading about the use of mana in healing complex wounds, repairing tendons, muscles, and bones. His eyes were tired, his back ached, and he could feel an increase in temperature on his skin, as if the inner layers of his body were burning. This last symptom had been tormenting him for days, accompanied by sweat, palpitations, and a strong instinct compelling him to rise from his chair and seek the source of a sweet aroma in the castle. Felix wasn’t an idiot; the symptoms didn’t lie. The beginning of spring marked the mating season for demi-humans. Some feline demi-human female working for Miss Crusch must be entering her heat.
Water magic had delayed his puberty and the development of secondary sexual characteristics, but Felix was still a healthy male demi-human. He couldn’t deny his own nature, but he could refuse to succumb to it. Thus, he decided to lock himself in his room and study until the mating season was over.
Felix rolls back in his desk chair, leaning away from his books for just a second. He’d been reading for a while now, practicing his magic on himself. Inflicting damage and healing himself shortly after might sound like madness, but the best way to heal a patient was to experience their pain. His mind felt foggy and unfocused, like it does when you haven’t slept in a long time.
It was barely 9 PM, though his room was haunted by an unnerving silence that made it feel even later at night. However, that was the usual. Felix wasn’t even sure Crusch was home; he hadn’t heard about her for days. Perhaps, and most likely, she was still at work.
He considered leaving his room to enjoy the beautiful scenery surrounding Miss Crusch’s castle. But he quickly dismissed the idea. He wanted to keep his mind far from even the possibility of thinking about what plagued him most.
He headed to his wardrobe, full of dresses, many of them custom-made. Fine silk ones in blue, pink, and radiant colors, most of them direct gifts from Miss Crusch. As he slid his delicate fingers across the fabric of the dress he had chosen for today, his mind transported him to his childhood.
Felix didn’t have happy memories before meeting Crusch. His life could be described as before and after her. From an existence filled with abuse and pain, which stunted his growth and condemned him to lack the skills necessary to protect the one he loved most, to a life where every second dedicated to her, every smile directed his way, the dinners they frequently shared, and being able to accompany her on her path to her dreams would be enough for him to die happily.
The blue ribbon dress, made of the finest fabrics from a foreign country, the same one Crusch gave him on his coming of age, brought an inevitable smile to his face.
He’s sure Crusch would be a little freaked out. Yeah, she already looked surprised at his flirty jokes, so if she found out he liked thinking about her on a regular basis just for fun, he’d be in big trouble. And honestly, she’d have every right to be angry.
But he couldn’t help himself. And maybe, just maybe, it was good to have something for himself, right? Crusch must have her own secrets too.
Not that he had anything else to do, really, but there was something that made it feel... wrong to think of lady Crusch this way. It made him feel guilty and ashamed, especially since the thoughts came to him so easily and were so difficult to shoo away—if not impossible.
Now, there’s nothing wrong with thinking of lady Crusch. Especially since she’s so wonderful; she deserves to be praised and to have people think highly of her. But Felix couldn’t help but think he tended to... step over the line.
Felix sighs, looking down at himself. He was still dressed in the clothes he had chosen this morning.
Days had passed since the last time he saw her. Surely she was busy with her responsibilities as the future queen. Yet, he couldn’t help but remember the last time they saw each other.
They had dinner together under a beautiful starry night. Crusch wore a light dress that revealed her beautiful chest, in wine and pink tones. They were laughing at the young Subaru’s antics and reminiscing about old times.
Her beautiful smile and the way she gently leaned on the table, playing with her wine glass while looking Ferris directly in the eyes, all of it remained etched in his memory alongside all her lovely smiles.
He wonders why that had made her smile like that. Moments like that were everything to him. And that’s what he means with “stepping over the line.”
Fondly thinking of a nice memory should be fine, but having it go to the point where he couldn’t get anything done because he couldn’t get Crusch’s little giggle out of his head sounded like too much. Just why had she laughed then? Was it really that funny to her, the stories about Subaru that Ferris was recalling? It’s already been a few days since that, but he has yet to think of something else.
Crusch had probably already moved on, occupied with her responsibilities. In fact, she’s probably talking with some nobles about some important stuff, which only made Felix feel even more embarrassed. Talk about clingy.
But he couldn’t help it. He couldn’t help the eagerness he felt every time he saw her, longing to try to make her smile and maybe even laugh. Longing to hear her call his name, longing to have her softly push him away when he got too close.
It made his cheeks warm to simply remember her smile. It gave him goosebumps to remember what her hair smelled like when they were close to each other at the bathhouse. He wonders how her hair would feel against his skin. Sometimes, when she falls asleep with him in the garden, it is tempting to reach out and simply touch the strands of hair sticking up, but that seemed like too much.
He’s tried before, but his hand usually gets caught up mid-air. He respected Crusch too much to do something like that. What if he did dare, though? What would Crusch say if he asked, for example?
She’d probably say no. She was not much of a touchy person, really. But even knowing that was probably the case, Felix couldn’t stop himself from imagining her saying yes.
He loves imagining how it’d feel to run his fingers through her pigtail. He loves to imagine how it’d be like to take off her hair tie, letting her hair down, and brushing it. He would put her hair tie on his wrist, and maybe she’d forget to ask for it, and then he’d keep it by accident. He’d try to give it back, only to find out Crusch has a million of them and had already forgotten he even had it.
Felix smiles to himself, his head already in the clouds and his book long forgotten on his desk as he happily moves from one side to the other in his chair. Because, what if, and it’s just an if, what if Crusch touched his hair too? The idea sent tingles down his spine, and he brought a hand up to cover his face. He couldn’t help the smile, though.
Just feeling the ghost of her hands brushing his bangs back, the tip of her fingers touching his forehead lightly as she does so. Resting his head on her lap, Crusch would smile down at him, and now that his hair was out of the way, she’d lean down to press a kiss against his forehead?
Felix’s eyes flutter open. Hey, hey, hey. Now, what’s he thinking!?
No way! Just cut it out. I can’t do this to myself.
Sighing for what seems like the millionth time tonight, Felix notices how tense his body felt. He leans back toward the desk, his mind ordering him around all of a sudden: keep studying or put the book away for now and do something else. Maybe just go to sleep! He couldn’t just sit here and think of Crusch the entire night!
But it was when he moved forward that he realized a major inconvenience: a pressure in his pelvis he hadn’t noticed before. Felix immediately presses his hands between his legs and gasps to himself, looking up at his empty bedroom as if he hadn’t been alone.
“Oh.”
So this is why his mind felt foggy and useless. Felix looks up from his crotch and presses his legs together, pouting in a confounded manner, disgusted with himself. Getting a hard-on from imagining a girl playing with his hair. Yeah, it was mating season.
Well, it’s not just any girl. He knows he feels this way because it’s Crusch of all people. Thoughts of his childhood friend were able to set these feelings in motion because it’s her. In all her passion for ruling, her bravery, her olive-colored hair, and her charming almond-shaped eyes. All of it made Crusch special.
But that wasn’t the point. The point is that he’s really a clingy idiot.
Maybe it was time to wrap up the thoughts that led to this and finally shove away every thought about her to get things over with. Because he knows this isn’t going away unless he follows his shameful instincts. So Felix just grunts in discontent with himself as he lifts his skirt. He wishes he had changed into his pajamas already. This just felt even more uncomfortable.
He pauses for a second and takes in a breath. It felt like he was waiting for something, maybe Crusch suddenly arriving at the palace. But there’s nothing but the typical silence that prevails in his room.
Just don’t think of anything. Just follow this shameful ritual and then go to sleep and forget about it. Seriously, don’t think of anything. He knows getting Crusch out of his mind has been a hard task this evening, but he really needs to get her out of his mind this time. Just—don’t think of anything.
He tried imagining someone else, maybe a demi-human like him. With a generic, blurry face and a normal body, nothing noteworthy. Something lustful enough to satiate his stupid instincts.
When that didn’t work, he tried recalling past moments when Miss Crusch had hugged him, gently pushing him with her ample chest. He wrapped his fingers around himself over his underwear, and as soon as he did, the image of Crusch’s smile returned to his head, despite his efforts to forget her.
He felt his face burn, especially his nose, where there was this itchy sensation you get right before crying, but this time he didn’t try to stop the thoughts from coming in. He surrendered to it entirely.
It just drove him insane, imagining that smile close to his face, close to his lips. Imagining that smile pressed against him.
Felix lets out a shaky sigh as he imagines how her hands would feel cupping his face, how her arms would feel wrapped around his body. She’s quite tall, so her face would be close to his. And if he leaned down enough, she could rest her head in the crook of his neck and simply nuzzle. The ghost of it sends a shiver down his spine.
Was it bad that, in that case, he’d want her to turn and simply press a kiss there? On his neck, on his shoulder, on his lips. Anywhere, as long as she’s kissing him. She’d be so tender and shy that she’d only do it once before deciding it’s too embarrassing.
It’s okay if it’s embarrassing for her to do something like that. He could do it in her place—he didn’t mind doing it for her. God, he really wanted to do it for her. He wanted her close; he wanted to hold her against him and enjoy her warmth.
Crusch usually buttons her shirt all the way up, but he imagines her leaving one or two buttons undone, her collarbones exposed.
If he kissed her there, she’d be so embarrassed she’d turn her face to the side, biting her finger to avoid screaming or chickening out. Felix imagines unbuttoning her shirt and feeling her skin against his palms.
He reaches inside his panties, and with the thought of Crusch writhing under him as he kissed her chest, he pulls the fabric down just enough. He touches himself leisurely, trying to keep his awareness away from the fact he’s touching himself at all.
All he wanted to think about was messy kisses with his friend, of the kind of sounds she would make—what kind of sounds would she make? She’d probably try to keep them to herself, too stubborn to let them out, so the sounds would be small and mostly suppressed.
But he’s so close to her that he can hear them. She’d whisper his name against him because she likes him and likes what he’s doing to her. Felix keeps the pace of his hand, applying soft pressure, as he can’t help but moan out in a whisper, "nyah... lady Cru—"
He clicks his tongue, stopping her name from escaping his mouth. He rolls his head back, frustrated with himself, but there’s no stopping. He simply can’t stop, imagining Crusch’s hand wrapped around him instead of his own; he twitches against his palm at the thought. Her hands would be smaller, wouldn’t they? Yeah, they would. He wonders how that would feel. Well, all he can do is imagine it, isn’t it?
He imagines Crusch’s free hand on his inner thigh. He imagines her kneeling in front of him, under his desk. She isn’t that small, so she probably wouldn’t fit, but that’s what fantasy is about.
She refuses to meet his eyes, her cheeks burning red as a pout seals her mouth. Her hand pumps him softly, and the eyes that were looking away suddenly fixate on what she’s doing. It seems to embarrass her more, but then she looks up at him. "Ferris is the only person I’d ever do this for, you know…?"
"Yeah, Crusch," he whispers to himself, cracking a timid smile, his hand immediately picking up a harder pace. "I know."
He imagines her leaning in, just slightly, to press a kiss on his groin, and then another one slightly to the side. Then another, and another, her hand slowing down on him so she can press another kiss. Her hand avoids the tip now as she licks her lips, gently pressing them on it, her mouth opening just enough to embrace him completely.
And then he’s done. Every single thought is washed away by the awkwardness the aftermath brings him—the mess in his own hand and the taste of shame and guilt in his mouth.
Even so, his demi-human instincts kept insisting. Like a voice in his ear, ordering him to take, to impregnate, to create new life.
He imagined Miss Crusch, this time sitting on his lap, putting her entire weight on Felix, playing with his brown fur. With a much more assertive and seductive gaze.
"Ferris, do you want to give me children?”
Her voice was clear. The shy, calm Miss Crusch was gone. It wasn’t a question—it was an order.
“Mmhm!~” His cat ears pricked up at attention. “Ferri-chan promises to give you a whole litter of kittens if you allow it, Lady Crusch!”
Her blush deepened as her Divine Protection told her he was entirely truthful. Her curiosity got the better of her. This time, she wanted to know definitively what her feline best friend thought.
“What is it that you wish to do, Felix? Do you truly wish to fuck me? To make me scream my lungs hoarse as you stuff my womb with your cum?”
For Felix, whose instincts were driving him delirious, Miss Crusch stood before him using her divine ability, demanding from her knight the truth and nothing but the truth.
"Ferris will breed you. He swears it by his knightly honor, Crusch-sama! Nya~!"