Chapter Text
She wanted to beat against the bars of Blackwall’s, no Thom Rainier’s, cell. She wanted to curse him, to scream her fury, to weep her sorrow. But Rainier just sat there in a broken heap leaning against the metal poles that separated them. He was done talking, apparently. He’d accepted his fate. Her heart was just collateral damage in his quest for redemption. Maybe that was all there was to it. Instead of unleashing the torrent of emotions that raged inside her, she walked away.
Lavellan managed to stride out of the dungeon with the poise expected of her position as the Inquisitor. Josephine would have something tactful to say about the stain Rainier would be on her reputation, Dorian would have less tactful things to say. She felt the eyes of the guards on her as she past, how many outside of Skyhold even knew of her romantic entanglement with the Grey Warden? She shook her head, there was no going back now. She would just have to deal with the political fallout. Her heart she’d deal with if Corypheus didn’t manage to stop it first.
Just as she was about to finally be free of the cells Cullen pulled her aside. She didn’t even know how he’d gotten here just after her, she’d fled Skyhold the moment she read Blackwall’s note. Varric had caught her saddling up the horse and wouldn’t take no for an answer. Cole had just appeared as they were leaving, she hadn’t had the heart to tell him to go back. So the three of them had rode out under the cover of darkness and without a word of any of their other companions. Knowing Varric he’d managed to get a letter to Cullen in time. Her knight had shown up just as he always did when she needed him the most.
“I have the report on Rainier.” He guided her into an empty store room and passed her the slip of parchment. Leliana’s tight scrawl swam before her eyes.
“Summarize it for me,” her voice sounded so much more assured than she was. Cullen clasped his hands behind his back as he dug into the details of Thom Rainier and his lies. Traitor, assassin, betrayer. Cullen recited the events with a cool even tone. She would face no judgment from him at least.
“I’m sorry, I know what he meant to you.” Cullen finally concluded the tale and his voice went soft as he said the last part. So much remained unspoken between them. She’d flirted atrociously with him in Haven enjoying the way she could make her commander studded. In Skyhold they’d grown close. After Blackwall rejected her on the ramparts she though her and Cullen might be hurtling towards something. It was only when she’d taken Blackwall to her bed that she realized the depths of Cullen’s feelings towards her. To stand here, by her side, comforting without judgment, it spoke volumes of the commander’s character. Lavellen reached out slowly and clasped his arm. Cullen took the gesture with a small sad smile.
“Thank you.” She squeezed his arm once before letting her hand fall from it. She looked down at the parchment again, for one of Leliana’s reports it was sparse. The spy master must have only just put it together. There was some gratification in knowing Black- Rainier had fooled even Leliana.
“Rainier may have accepted his fate, but you don’t have to.” Cullen’s voice was little more than a whisper as if he wasn’t sure he should be uttering the words. She looked up at him sharply. He stared back with nothing but open kindness in his eyes. “With the Inquisition’s recourse he needn’t face the hangman’s noose.”
She nodded slowly. It had occurred to her. She’d need to talk to Josephine first, she couldn’t let this situation undermine the Inquisition any more than it already had.
“I’ll think about it.”
“Do. There won’t be a trial but out of deference to you his execution had been delayed for a week.”
She sighed running her hand through her close-cropped hair.
“Thank you.”
“You already said that.” He gave her that sad smile again.
“I don’t say it often enough.” She returned it with one of her own.
The ride back to Skyhold was a somber affair, slower than the mad dash before it. For once Cole’s inexplicable insights were a welcome distraction. He’d tell them about the inner most lives of those they passed by on the road, sometimes stopping to whisper something that a stranger needed to hear. Varric regaled them with some of his tales when she requested it to fill the silence. They were a good pair to have on the journey. Cullen had elected to stay behind and keep an eye on the proceedings. She had a sinking feeling if she’d order him to he would have stormed the prison and gotten Rainier for her single handed. Sometimes it frightened her what those under her command were willing to do, all she had to do was give the word. But she was paralyzed by incision.
It wasn’t that she’d been avoiding the library exactly things had just been busy since she came back. Cassandra was furious that Lavellan took off without a full party to protect her. But she was even more angry at Cullen as apparently he’d rode out after the Inquisitor with no one at his side and hardly any provisions. He’d ridden through the night exhausting several horses to get to Lavellan. It made her heart ache. Why couldn’t she have just fallen for the good man for once and not the brooding type with a dark secret?
Josephine had expressed her sympathies with the grace of a diplomat. Iron Bull had just put his big hand on her shoulder and given her a nod before ordering another round of drinks. Sera had taken her out for a night of pranks again to keep her mind off of things. Vivienne, surprisingly, had several nasty curses prepared should the Inquisitor feel the need for a more personal type of revenge. Solas slipped a few books on her desk with a silent nod.
So it wasn’t like she’d been avoiding Dorian she just hadn’t had the time, everyone else had sought her out on their own. It was late when she finally dragged herself up those damed stairs. She was too tried to pretend she was there for anyone but him. When Dorian look up from his reading corner to see her wavering he simply stood, inlined in his head, and made his way to the outdoor walkway.
The breeze was cold that night and she was glad she’d kept to her simple furs no matter how many times Josephine politely pointed out the formal robes that had been made for the Inquisitor. Dorian leaned back against the stone railing and studied her.
“I can’t imagine what you’re going through.” He finally broke the silence. She had braced herself from some good natured teasing or a flippant comment, the sincerity in his voice shocked her.
“If I’m going to do something it has to be tomorrow.” She let out the breath she’d been holding. “What would you do?”
“Me?” Dorian pointed at himself in surprise. “You haven’t asked any of the others for their advice.” He avoided the question. She sighed and went to lean against the stone next to him staring down at the courtyard, and the barn where Blackwall could always be found.
“So you’ve been keeping tabs on me?” She smiled a little glancing over to him. He huffed and crossed his arms.
“We’ve had meetings.” He shrugged. “Varric’s going to stage an intervention disguised as a card game if you don’t do anything.”
That got a chuckle from her.
“Thanks for the warning.”
“I only say it because I’m afraid you’d storm out of it and leave Varric mopping for weeks. You don’t want to read the stuff he writes when he’s mopping.” Dorian gave a dramatic sigh. “But if you’re asking my advice, well … if I were in your shoes, and let’s be very clear about this I never want to be, I wouldn’t let anyone else decided his fate but me. You deserve that much.”
She thumped her head against the stone.
“You’re right.” She muttered. She’d known it ever since Cullen offered up the same option. She couldn’t let him hang, even if she ended up executing him herself. It would be her choice. She’d use what ever power or recourse she’d need to get it done.
“I’m always right.” He flashed her a smile, it wasn’t as bright as it had been days before the Blackwall revelation.
“You miss him.” She arched her eyebrow at him. Dorian turned his face away sighing.
“I just don’t like to see any of us behind bars.” He glanced up at the sky. “And he did the right thing in the end. I’m not defending him mind you.” The mage added defensively. She nodded and for a long moment the silence was only broken by the fluttering of banners above her.
“I think, I think he did it because of me.” She almost choked on the words. For all his bluster and back talk Dorian was the only one she could admit it to. He was the only one who would understand.
“You do have a way of inspiring the best in people, look at me.” Dorian chuckled.
She slumped a little feeling that weight of the world on her shoulders.
“Cullen, Leliana, Josephine, they’ve all come up with ways to get him out. But if I use the Inquisitions recourse solely for personal gain does that make me a bad leader?” She looked up at Dorian again and he held her gaze.
“No darling, that makes you human.” He clasped her shoulder briefly but upon seeing the tears gathering in the corners of her eyes he pulled her into a tight hug. "Or Elven I suppose." Dorian chuckled.
Leliana didn’t even have the decency to look surprised when the Inquisitor came to visit her well past the witching hour.
“I-” Lavellan faltered for a moment not sure how to even go about phrasing the request.
“It’s already in the works.” Leliana pushed a report towards her but the Inquisitor shook her head, she didn’t want to know the details.
“Just, no one dies for him okay?” She leveled the spy master with a stern look.
Leliana nodded.