Chapter Text
My head feels weird.
As I try to shake myself out of the general disorientation that comes with waking up, my head feels weirder than the normal headaches I get. That Peter Griffin lookalike packed more of a punch than I expected, partly because it wasn’t even a match. Bitch just sneak attacked me out of nowhere. Glad I shattered his leg. I look around.
…this isn’t the Mii Apartments.
I look at my surroundings. I’m in some weird classroom? With boarded windows and a security camera in the room. There’s two other people, one being a femboy-looking 16 year old or so with a flower clip and blond hair. Looks distressed. The other is a weird banana coloured bean with a red beanie. Neither are Miis or those stupid Sportsmates. I stand by the fact that Sportsmates don’t deserve rights.
Bean: yo what’s poppin
Femboy: D-did you just sp-speak in lowercase?
Bean: b
Femboy: What does ‘b’ mean?
Me: Who the fuck are you two? Did either of you bring me here? If either of you are the ones or know the one who brought me to a classroom for the first time in 4 years, tell me so I can eviscerate you.
Bean: careful, you might hurt someone with that edge. also i’m banana, but you can skip the last syllable and call me banan. according to this card, i’m the ‘ultimate card swiper’.
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banana
Origin: Among Us
Pronouns: they/them
talent: Ultimate Card Swiper
Swag: More than you
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Me: Ultimate Card Swiper? Your talent is swiping cards?
banan: i don’t see you with a talent bitch
Me: Wait, I also have one of these cards. Oh, would you look at that! Ultimate Sportsman.
banan: wow you waste your time kicking balls around
Me: Wow, you’re really good at moving a card in a small gap. So impressive. You are a pathetic individual who will never be ballin’ like myself. Anyway, I’m Matt.
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Matthew ‘Matt’ Lastname
Origin: Wii Sports
Pronouns: he/him
Talent: Ultimate Sportsman
Class: Legend
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Femboy: Um, could you two please stop arguing?
Matt: And who exactly are you? Follow up, are you a sane femboy or are you one of the Neo-Nazi ones?
Femboy: WHY WOULD I BE A NAZI?!
Matt: Just making sure.
Femboy: Um, I’m Basil, and it says I’m the Ultimate…
His eyes seem to have widened. His talent doesn’t seem too good, then, does it? Which means he’s either going to say it in shock or he’s going to lie. Hell no, I’m a big ‘having advantages’ fan, so I take his card and read it.
Matt: Ah, Ultimate Accomplice. Interesting. How’d you get that one?
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Basil Omori
Origin: OMORI
Pronouns: he/they
Talent: Ultimate Accomplice
Anxiety Levels: Off the charts
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Matt: No, genuinely, how’d you get that talent?
Basil: I don’t… want to talk about that.
Matt: I’ll find out later. What else are you good at?
Basil: Um, I like gardening.
Matt: It’s too easy to be good at gardening. Someone else could have the ability. Choose a skill that’s more likely to not be had here.
Basil: Photography?
Matt: There you go. Ultimate Photographer.
banan: why you helping him lol
Matt: Because then I have information others don’t, and advantages are good. I mean, for all we know, we could be in some killing game, and if that’s the case, I don’t gain an advantage out of people knowing who he is.
banan: ykw that makes sense
Basil: Could you… please not use me?
Matt: Depends on why we were kidnapped like this. There’s a door there. Basil, you seem like the type to read crime novels. You’re probably more of an investigator than either me or the ‘Card Swiper’ over there.
banan: fuck you bro
Matt: You can’t deny I’m wrong. Seriously, I’m convinced you’re lying because there’s no one who legitimately has that title. What are you really? Show me your card.
banan: no i’m genuinely ultimate card swiper
Matt: Skilless. Impressive.
Basil: Can we go out the door now, please?
Matt: Lead the way, femboy.
Basil: I-I’m not just a femboy!
Matt: Would you prefer I called you ‘Accomplice’?
Basil: …
Matt: Exactly.
banan: wow you’re a dick
Matt: And the level at which I am a dick is still bigger than whatever you have for genitalia.
banan: fuck off
Basil opens the door, and we all go through. Immediately met with a pink haired girl with weird horns sticking out of her hair. She can’t be older than 5.
Pink hair: Six! I’m six!
Matt: O…K? I didn’t ask for your age? That being said, could you tell me who you are, please? Information is key. ( Like the knowledge of who this Basil is. Seriously, Ultimate Accomplice is an interesting talent. )
Pink hair: What’s an ‘ah com plish’?
Matt: A what? Did you mean ‘accomplish’ or another word? ( And if it was another word, how would you know that other word? Where would you have heard it if you’re only six? And why would you ask that out of the blue? Who are you? )
Pink hair: I’m Anya!
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Anya Forger
Origin: Spy X Family
Pronouns: she/her
Talent: Ultimate ???
Your mind: Is hers to see
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Matt: OK, but what’s your talent?
Anya: Uh, can’t say!
So that makes it a dangerous talent, most likely. Or an embarrassing one? No, banan was more than happy to say they were the Ultimate Card Swiper. Seriously, Card Swiper? If it’s covering up a real talent, I don’t know why you’d choose that. Then again, it makes you more unassuming, more able to sneak up and slit someone’s throat without being suspected because you’re just a Card Swiper. Why does Anya look shocked now?
Anya: Please don’t sit my throat…
Matt: When did anyone say anything about that?
Anya: Anya go now!
She runs off. Seems… well, like a six year old. But a six year old with secrets. She seems almost erratic. And ‘don’t slit my throat’? Was that what she said? It’s like she was hearing my thoughts or something. Definitely taking notice of that.
…is that fucking Jack Black?
We walk further down the hallway to see Jack Black in a cyan T-Shirt. A repressed image is coming to me, but I bury it further down.
Jack Black: Hello, comrades!
banan: jack black?
Jack Black: Who’s that?
Matt: What… WHAT DO YOU MEAN WHO’S THAT, YOU’RE THAT!
Jack Black: No. I am Steve.
Matt: …what?
Steve?: Steve. According to this card, the Ultimate Abomination.
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Live Action Steve
Origin: A Minecraft Movie
Pronouns: it/he
Talent: Ultimate Abomination
Placing: Blocks and shit cause he’s in fucking Minecraft
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Matt: Like the Minecraft Steve?
Steve: What’s a Minecraft?
banan: we should leave before i start remembering something i don’t want to remember
Matt: First good idea you’ve had.
Steve: Wait, I never got your na
We leave what seems to be a schizophrenic fever dream and enter another classroom to find some girl. Literally just some normal looking girl. And also a Victorian ass spirit thing.
Mundane girl: Seriously? I was in the middle of shopping.
Victorian ass spirit: Don’t worry, I’ll keep you safe.
She giggled creepily.
I already don’t like either of these two.
Matt: OK, introductions. I’m Matt, that’s Basil, and the bean is banan. They’re the Ultimate Card Swiper, wow.
banan: i didn’t make fun of your talent
Matt: Because my talent doesn’t suck major dick?
banan: don’t kink shame. some people like sucking dick! like basil, he gives me the vibe.
Basil: UM
Mundane girl: Ohmygod, you’re so interesting.
Matt: And who are you? Oh yeah, I’m the Ultimate Sportsman. Bet your talent isn’t as good.
Mundane girl: I’m Regina George, the Ultimate Mean Girl.
…at least it’s interesting?
Victorian ass spirit: You may call me Ringu, though my name is technically Specimen 4, and I am the Ultimate Cannibal.
Everyone inches away. Cowards.
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Regina George
Origin: Mean Girls
Pronouns: she/her
Talent: Ultimate Mean Girl
Money: lots
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Specimen 4/Ringu
Origin: Spooky’s Jump Scare Mansion
Pronouns: she/they/it
Talent: Ultimate Cannibal
Form: Evolved
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Matt: I respect that you told us that. Especially as telling 4 people, plus those two hiding under the table, the blue haired girl and the tomboy, yeah, I see you, means that you won’t be able to lie about your talent as easily. You should’ve faked it, but I respect your decision nonetheless.
The blue haired girl and tomboy come out right on cue.
Blue hair: were we that obvious?
Matt: Yes.
banan: i spotted you but i also view everything isometrically. like, there’s a blue hair twink standing outside.
Matt: Sorry, isometrically? Wait, not important. ( Yet. ) Since you heard us, care to share who you are?
Blue hair: hi! i’m lacey!
Tomboy: Sup, I’m Jay.
Matt: And talents?
Jay: I’m the Ultimate Skateboarder. What was yours, Lace?
Lacey: …ultimate mortuary cosmetologist…
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Lacey
Origin: Lacey Games by ghosttundra
Pronouns: she/they/it
Talent: Ultimate Mortuary Cosmetologist
Needs: Therapy
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Jay
Origin: same webseries
Pronouns: she/they
Talent: Ultimate Skateboarder
Status: Corpse
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Jay: You’re the WHAT?!
Interesting indeed. I wonder if anyone else noted that. If anything, this Lacey is also looking at Jay wearily. There’s something going on there, I can tell. But whatever.
Matt: Alright, cool, we’re on our way to the twink.
Me, the Card Swiper, and Basil walk out. Basil’s not been very talkative, and has also avoided having his talent said, which means it’s more time for him to finalize it.
Twink: …
Basil: Hi?
banan: who this
Twink: Makoto Yuki.
Matt: You have one of these ‘Ultimate Talent’ things?
Makoto: Ultimate Doorman.
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Makoto Yuki
Origin: Persona 3
Pronouns: he/they/it
Talent: Ultimate Doorman
Status: Door
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banan: weird talent
Matt: Look who’s talking.
banan: i am going to stab you in your sleep
Matt: We know you’ll have no trouble getting in the room.
banan: …i hate you
Matt: You’re not interesting enough for me to feel strongly about. Basil, lead the way to other places.
Basil walks over to the cafeteria. We go in. There’s two people there. A hairless giant with a hat and Sonic the fucking Hedgehog.
Hairless giant: Whatever in creation exists without my knowledge exists without my consent. Who may you be?
Matt: I’m sorry, what did you just say? Also, Matt, banan and Basil.
banan: bro thinks he’s the main antagonist :SkullEmoji:
Matt: Did you seriously just say ‘skull emoji’?
banan: never mind that, who’s this loser
Hairless giant: I am the Judge.
Matt: Actual name, please.
Judge: Judge Holden, if you must know. The Ultimate War, which truly is a compliment.
Sonic: I’m Sonic, the Ultimate Speedster! And this guy is shady.
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Judge Holden
Origin: Blood Meridian
Pronouns: he/him
Talent: Ultimate War
Evil: Pure
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Sonic the Hedgehog
Origin: take a fucking guess
Pronouns: he/they
Talent: Ultimate Speedster
You’re: Too Slow
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The Judge. The Judge. I’ve heard that name before.
Basil: J-j-j-judge H-h-holden?
He knows something. And seems to be scared.
Judge: That is me. Your fear disgusts me. You disgust me. I can feel it. You’re empathic, you’re nice, you delude yourself into believing your life is worth anything.
Matt: The fuck did he do to you?
Judge: Nothing. But I would do a lot to him the moment I was able if I were not in this situation.
banan: what the fuck does that mean? what are you saying? ykw let’s go
Matt: Good idea.
We leave the man who I’m now most suspicious about. He seems like the type of person to enjoy slaughtering babies or some shit like that. Maybe worse, given what he said.
banan: where next?
Basil: There’s… stairs, there.
Matt: You good there, Plant?
Basil: …plant?
Matt: That’s what Basil is, right? A plant. You good?
Basil: …
Matt: You know what, you seem more tolerable than anyone else here. If he tries anything, I will personally execute him.
Basil: …thanks.
We go to the stairs and down them to see a white space?
Matt: Did we go from school to the void?
There’s another 16 year old. And also some small child with a red beret and a paintbrush.
16 year old: …
Basil: …Sunny?
Sunny: …basil?
Basil: SUNNY! I thought you d-d-d…
Sunny: …no? what? why would i?
banan: a fellow lowercase supremacist
Matt: I wonder if their talent is as pathetic as yours, then.
Sunny: …ultimate violinist.
Young artist: And I’m Adeleine! Or Ado. I’m feeling in an Ado mood, actually.
Matt: Let me guess, Ultimate Artist?
Ado: Ultimate Last Human, apparently! I guess Susie and the Jamba people weren’t human.
Matt: …what.
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Sunny Suzuki
Origin: OMORI
Pronouns: he/they
Talent: Ultimate Violinist
Siblings: Not anymore
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Adeleine
Origin: Kirby 64: The Crystal Shards
Pronouns: they/them
Talent: Ultimate Last Human
Earth: Frozen Over
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banan: ok this is weird now
Matt: No, seriously. What.
Ado: I don’t know, I didn’t pick this talent.
I look at the area itself. A computer, a sketchbook, some tissues, and a black cat. Not much to do around here, is there? Also, a lightbulb hangs, which is impressive for a place with no discernible ceiling. And there’s red hands around the place. No walls, though.
At least, that’s what I thought until a hole is blown into one. A fucking anthem starts playing and a small yellow man walks out.
Yellow man: And there’s the exit! Excellent!
Matt: Who the hell are you?
Yellow man: Oh my goodness, you don’t know who I am? What a shame! How will I ever recover? But if you insist.
He clears his throat. I already immensely dislike this guy.
Yellow man: Say hello to The Noise, the Ultimate Chaos! Even if here it says ‘Ultimate TV Personality’, but two things can be true at once!
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Theodore ‘The’ Noise
Origin: Pizza Tower
Pronouns: he/they
Talent: Ultimate TV Personality
Opinion on pizza: Not a positive one
---------------------------------------------------
The Noise: Welp, I’ll probably be catchin’ you bunch of bitches later!
And he speeds away at Mach 20. He’s definitely a threat. I keep in mind him.
Basil: Um, can Sunny come with us?
banan: the more the merrier
And if he’s a friend of the Ultimate Accomplice…
Matt: Sure. Let’s go.
We move upstairs to find that there is an outside. There’s a door leading outside.
banan: so we just can leave?
Sonic: Hey, guys! Long time no see! Looks like there’s an exit after all!
Matt: You think that whoever brought us here would just let us out like that?
Sonic: Maybe they’re not that smart?
Bold assumption to make, but it’ll be kinda funny to see the look on his face when he fails.
Matt: Go ahead, then.
Sonic: Sure!
He seems to go around the entire place in 10 seconds, given he’s back in that time.
Sonic: It’s just a normal outdoor area. But hey, lotta space to run!
Basil: Oh. Is… there a way out?
Sonic: OK, I mapped out the entire school we’re in. There’s a few classrooms, there’s some blocked off stairs that lead up, there’s White Space, whatever that is, a cafeteria, a storage room and a library right there.
He points diagonally left.
Sonic: Also, outside there’s some junior playground, some gym and an area with a bunch of dorms with names on them. Also a field. Also a blocked off area with two big doors. Two people in the playground, one in the field and three in the gym.
Matt: …huh. Thanks. That’s helpful information. Was there anyone in the library?
Sonic: Haha! ONE! Also four people in one of the classrooms, and two in the storage area.
Matt: Cool. Basil, banan, Sunny, let’s go.
Sonic: Talk to you later!
Sonic speeds away. He’s one of the more friendly people here, and definitely beneficial to keep him on my good side.
Matt: Let’s go to the library, then.
banan: sure. why not? you can lead us. that’s what you’re doing.
Matt: Well done! You have basic common sense!
We go to the library where there is a weird looking guy with an eyepatch that has a scar running over it.
Eyepatch: More dimensional tomfoolery? At least my counterpart hasn’t been seen anywhere.
banan: what’s poppin
Eyepatch: Ah, new individuals! Say welcome to your new overlord! I am Dr Heinz Doofenshmirtz, though oddly they seem to put a ‘-2’ after my last name on this card. And I am the Ultimate Dictator!
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Doofenshmirtz-2
Origin: Phineas And Ferb: Across The 2nd Dimension
Pronouns: he/him
Talent: Ultimate Dictator
Why is he evil?: he lost a toy train
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Matt: You’re the WHAT.
Doofenshmirtz-2: Ultimate Dictator, of course! I’ve been reading up on some information here, as well. So, Matthew Lastname
banan: sorry, your last name is what?
Doofenshmirtz-2: Be warned. For I am in possession of some information! I’m going to get some almond brittle now. But I’m always watching.
He leaves.
Basil: He… seems scary.
Matt: We have 8 more people to meet. Maybe we’ll find out why we’re here.
banan: were we not searching for an exit?
Matt: Are you stupid enough to think that someone who’s evidently capturing people from across different universes would just make a clear exit available?
banan: look i’m just being optimistic
Matt: Whatever you say. I’m personally making internal notes on all the people here. It’ll be more helpful.
banan: ykw fair enough
Matt: Anyway, storage room?
Basil: Storage room sounds good.
We go to the storage room. There’s a blocky person and a child wearing a striped jumper here.
Matt: And who are you two?
Blocky person: guest
Matt: Talent?
Guest: …
Matt: Great. As for the child?
Child: I’m Horrid Henry!
Basil: Your first name is horrid?
Henry: It’s more of a nickname. I’m the Ultimate Rockstar!
Basil: Who calls you horrid?
Henry: A bunch of people. My parents use the name a lot.
Basil: …how old are you?
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Guest
Origin: ROBLOX
Pronouns: any/all
Talent: Ultimate ???
Wearing: Hat
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Horrid Henry
Origin: Horrid Henry
Pronouns: he/they
Talent: Ultimate Rockstar
Abused?: Most likely
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Henry: I’m 12!
The Guest is quiet. Seems like a threat. But Henry? I’m thinking he’s a liability more than anything. He seems like the mischievous type. Also, Jesus, his parents call him horrid?
Matt: I’m Matt, the Ultimate Sportsman.
banan: banan, ultimate card swiper
Guest: dumb talent
banan: i am going to leak your address online
Basil: Um, I’m Basil, the Ultimate Photographer.
Sunny: …sunny, ultimate violinist.
Matt: Introductions done, let’s go to the playground outside.
Outside is a dome. It’s clearly a fake sky, so it’s probably a dome. The sky isn’t usually green anywhere, to my awareness. Makoto is also there, seeming to be slightly more alert.
Makoto: …
We leave him to it. Another blocky person in the playground, their skin pitch black. And some rich looking guy who seems slightly drunk.
Drunk guy: Why, hello, chaps!
Matt: Call me ‘chap’ again and I will break your skull in half. Who are you two?
Black guy: 10 HOUR BURST MAN. ULTIMATE BOSS.
Drunk guy: Eric Birling, the Ultimate Alcoholic, apparently. I feel demeaned slightly.
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10 Hour Burst Man
Origin: item asylum
Pronouns: he/it
Talent: Ultimate Boss
Viewer Discretion: Advised
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Eric Birling
Origin: An Inspector Calls
Pronouns: he/him
Talent: Ultimate Alcoholic
Drunk: Yes
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Matt: Matt, banan and Basil. Sportsman, ‘ card swiper ’ and Photographer. Also Sunny. Forgot him. Violinist.
Eric: Lovely to meet you!
10HBM: I CANNOT SAY THE SAME.
Matt: Fuck you too, then.
We leave. Looks like the 10 Hour Burst Man might be a threat. You don’t get a talent like ‘Ultimate Boss’ without being somewhat capable. The other guy? Feels slightly off.
banan: field then gym?
Basil: I think that works. You, Matt?
Matt: You’re technically leading.
Basil: …oh, yeah.
The field has a blue robot in it. And… oh, god, this guy again?
The Noise: What is up, my sigmas?
banan: i hope your career implodes on itself
The Noise: Please, if bombing the state of Michigan didn’t do anything, I’ll be fine.
banan: …you bombed what now?
Matt: Never mind that, who’s… wait, no, what?
Sunny: who’s the blue guy?
Blue robot: MACHINE ID: V1. LOCATION: UNKNOWN. CURRENT OBJECTIVE: LEAVE. TALENT: ULTIMATE KILLING MACHINE.
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V1
Origin: ULTRAKILL
Pronouns: it/they
Talent: Ultimate Killing Machine
Blood: Is fuel
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Killing machine? What the hell? It… looks like it would struggle against an Unregistered Hyperlink Camera or something like that.
V1: CURRENT OBJECTIVE: GO TO GYM.
The Noise: That’s a great idea! I’ll be sure to do that!
He’s gone again. Good. But he’s going where we are. And an announcement rings out.
???: Mic check, testing, testing, one two three… really? This gag is getting old now. Anyway, everyone please come to the gym for a wonderful surprise! I’ll be waiting, puhuhu~
What the hell was that voice? Weirdly high pitched. Nonetheless, to the gym we go, I guess.
Three people I haven’t met there. A teenager in a sweater vest, a peach hair girl and a… I think that’s a man, anyway. He looks… weird, to say the least.
Sweater vest: Ah, I have not met you three yet. I am Goro Akechi, and this card calls me the Ultimate Detective. I wouldn’t quite go that far, myself, but I guess I can appreciate compliments from time to time.
A liar. I can just tell this guy’s a liar. Smart, though. Feels like he’s secretly insane.
Peach hair: Hi! I’m Sayori.
Matt: I’m Matt, and this is banan, Basil and Sunny.
Weird looking man: Hi, I’m Baldi, the Ultimate Mathematician! Nice to meet ya!
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Goro Akechi
Origin: Persona 5
Pronouns: he/him
Talent: Ultimate Detective
Opinion on pancakes: Irrational hatred
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Sayori
Origin: Doki Doki Literature Club!
Pronouns: she/her
Talent: Ultimate ???
Favourite plush: Mr Cow
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Baldi
Origin: Baldi’s Basics
Pronouns: he/they
Talent: Ultimate Mathematician
Anger Issues: Yes
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So Sayori didn’t tell us her talent. Interesting. And Baldi… he seems weird. A strange individual. Oh, for fuck’s sake, The Noise is one of the first here?
The Noise: We have gotta stop bumping into each other like this!
Matt: Please stop indeed. I would be happy to see you die.
The Noise: I’m hurt and offended at that. I… I thought we were best buddies! I thought we were roommates! Oh, my god, were we roommates!
Matt: I have never met you before today.
The Noise: IT WAS SPIRITUAL! But hey, if you’re more interested in the blond femboy, then I just hope your DMs are safe!
Annoyingly, that exact moment is when literally everyone else appears.
Matt: YOU MOTHERFUCKER.
The Noise: Better than whoever you’re fucking, I bet.
Matt: I WILL
???: Oooh, we already have some drama going on! This will be even easier than I thought!
Everyone turns to the voice.
Anya: Teddy!
Makoto: Why are you half black?
???: I’m not a teddy! I… am Monokuma! Your new headmaster!
Matt: Nope. I’m out.
Monokuma: Attendance at this initiation ceremony is mandatory!
Matt: I am not going back to school. I’m 24 and graduated already.
Monokuma: Well, here’s your chance to graduate again! Normally, I’d get a bunch of teenagers for this, and I did, but I wanted to set my sights higher this time!
Matt: When do we graduate?
Monokuma: Hmm, let’s see… it says here that your graduation date happens on the day of never!
Doofenshmirtz-2: NEVER?! I have an empire to be ruling, you buffoon!
Monokuma: You better get comfortable here! I’ve done everything to make sure you never have to worry about things like ‘friends’, ‘family’, ‘the outside world’, there’s even an outside area here! It really is the perfect school life!
Henry: I don’t want to stay in this prison forever! Normal school is bad enough!
Monokuma: Well, if you’re so desperate to leave, there is one way…
The Noise: Nuke it!
Matt: Why the fuck would that be the answer?
Judge: What if I were to slaughter everyone here?
V1: I WOULD WIN.
Monokuma: You’re on the right track here!
Matt: …wait, do we literally just have to kill one person?
Monokuma: Ding ding ding! You need to disturb the school life! As simple as that! AND get away with it, so put away your weapons now, unless you want to make things boring.
V1 puts a shotgun away. And there’s an interesting divide between reactions after that information.
Judge: How easy this is.
Sayori: KILL SOMEONE?!
Monokuma: Yep!
Sayori: But to kill someone is to…
Monokuma: To kill someone is to kill someone. And given this colourful cast of characters, I’d be surprised if there wasn’t a death sooner or later!
Jay: You’re a fucked up individual.
Monokuma: And you’re on your second life already, so actually, I’ve helped you out!
Jay: Second life?
Lacey: IT’SNOTHINGIT’SNOTHINGIT’SNOTHINGit’s… nothing.
Doesn’t sound like nothing. Already noting that. But more importantly, killing. Is that it?
Matt: Is that it? Is there more to know?
Ado: Why do you sound so casual?
Matt: I’m gathering information.
Monokuma: Since you asked so nicely, I’ll tell you! To get out of here, you have to kill someone! Stabbing, bludgeoning, blunt force trauma, shooting, burning, anything goes! Get creative! Because you have to then survive the infamous Class Trial, where the blackened murderer will battle against the rest of their classmates! And if they win, everyone else dies! Simple, right?
Akechi: You are a disgusting individual. What is stopping us from attacking you instead?
Monokuma: Violence against the headmaster is strictly prohibited and will result in punishment!
A minigun appears out of… somewhere and fires at Akechi’s feet.
Monokuma: But by all means, go ahead! Besides, I’ll just come back! There’s tons of me around! Really makes you realize how insignificant you are in the grand scheme of things, doesn’t it? To learn more about the rules, read them on your E-Handbooks! Any more questions?
Matt: No. Thank you for your information.
Akechi: And what do you gain from this, Monokuma?
Monokuma: I just love to see despair!
Matt: A despair fetish? Underwhelming.
Akechi: And were you the one who brought us here personally, or is there someone behind the scenes?
Monokuma: Great questions that you’ll just have to find out, won’t you, Shido’s son?
Akechi: …
Who the hell is Shido? Never mind, I can find out later.
Matt: Welp, I’m going. Is there a place for me to stay?
Ado: Genuinely, how are you so casual?
Monokuma: That’s what the dorms are for! And it’s nearing nighttime anyway, so really, you should all go to them now! But you can read up on that in your own time. So long, and happy killing!
The bear disappears, and I hear murmurings. Some people talking about how easy it is to kill. Some being shocked. I’ve introduced myself to everyone already, so I don’t really care enough to stay and watch them come to terms with the inevitability of death and all that. I have better things to do, so I go to my dorm. I’m stopped on the way out by banan and Basil.
Matt: And what do you want?
banan: figured that since we’ve already explored everything and all that, or at least given it a base lookover, and since we know basil’s talent, we should ally together and all that.
As much as I hate to partner with such a stupid individual and a cowardly child, I’m not delusional enough to think that being alone will increase my chances of survival. I’ll see if they need disposing of later. I’m sure I can find a way.
Matt: Sure. I’d be honourned to partner with such a talented individual.
banan: i really wish you weren’t the one i have been attached to.
Matt: And I wish that you had a better talent, but we’re both fucked in that regard. Now leave me.
banan: aight babe
And they leave before I can shorten their lifespan accordingly. That leaves the coward.
Basil: Um, thanks for… not telling anyone about… you know…
Matt: You’re a bit too useful for that.
Basil: …useful?
Matt: It’s a killing game, did you expect me to play nice and pretend that I’m here by will, that I’m going to make friends? I’m going to find a way to seize control of this killing game shit.
Basil: That’s kind of… that seems…
Matt: What does it seem? Immoral? Wrong? Fucked up? Do you want me to make friends with the Ultimate Dictator, Basil?
Basil: No! No. I’m just… you seem a bit jaded when it comes to… this whole thing. And… it’s kind of bad that you are?
Matt: Would you prefer I ran around screaming like a little bitch? Nah, I’m gonna do things my own way. See you around, Basil.
I enter my dorm before he can stammer about something stupid, noting that Sunny doesn’t seem to have one. I pull out my E-Handbook. It has some basic informations, though surprisingly, it doesn’t seem to record the ‘Ultimate Accomplice’ Talent and instead says ‘Ultimate Photographer’. I guess it adapts to lies about talents. It’s based on speech, then. Which is helpful to know, but also means I can’t figure out some of the other talents. Anya Forger, Guest and Sayori remain elusive. What kind of last name even is Forger? Who is she? She seems like a person of interest, but later.
I familiarize myself with the rules.
Rule #1: Students may reside only within the school. Leaving campus is an unacceptable use of time.
Rule #2: "Nighttime" is from 10 pm to 7 am. Some areas are off-limits at night, so please exercise caution.
Rule #3: Sleeping anywhere other than the dormitory will be seen as sleeping in class and punished accordingly.
Rule #4: With minimal restrictions, you are free to explore Hope's Peak Academy at your discretion.
Rule #5: Violence against headmaster Monokuma is strictly prohibited, as is destruction of surveillance cameras.
Rule #6: Anyone who kills a fellow student and becomes "blackened" will graduate, unless they are discovered.
Rule #7: Additional school regulations may be added if necessary.
Rule #8: Once a murder takes place, a class trial will begin shortly thereafter. Participation is mandatory for all surviving students.
Rule #9: If the guilty party is exposed during the class trial, they alone will be executed.
Rule #10: If the guilty party is not exposed, they alone will graduate, and all remaining students will be executed.
Rule #11: Lending your e-Handbook to another student is strictly prohibited.
Rule #12: The guilty party may only kill a maximum of two people during any single "Killing Game."
Rule #13: Attempting to break into locked rooms is strictly prohibited.
Interesting enough, I guess. The two person limit is very good to make a note of.
The layout of the dorm is simple. Bed, desk, bathroom, and there’s a TV screen. Real 1984 shit. And it switches on.
Monokuma: Attention, students! It is now 10 PM! As such, the cafeteria will now be locked off and water will be turned off. Lights out and knives out if you don’t want to get killed during the night!
The bear is enjoying this way too much. Nonetheless, I go to sleep.
After all, tomorrow's another day, and I have a killing game to win.
----------------------------
Alive: Matt, banana, Basil, Anya, Steve, Regina, Ringu, Lacey, Jay, Makoto, Judge, Sonic, Sunny, Adeleine, The Noise, Doofenshmirtz-2, Guest, Henry, 10 Hour Burst Man, Eric Birling, V1, Goro Akechi, Sayori, Baldi