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Fu fidgeted with her fingers as Aya talked. She had to tell her. As the days grew closer and closer to the music competition that she and Aya were entered in, Fu knew she had to call it off. Who was she to try and stand in the sun when those days were behind her?
But it was hard. Every day when Fu thought she was resolved to tell Aya, she always bit her tongue. Forget the sun, all Fu wanted was to sing with Aya. She wanted to see Aya thrive, for the world to see what a great singer she was. This competition was Aya's chance to prove to her parents and to the whole world that she had what it took to be a singer! That she was more than just some delinquent high schooler.
But could Fu just support Aya? Could she just cheer her on from the shadowy sidelines while Aya performed under stage lights brighter than the sun?
Even for as much Fu wanted to sing with Aya… she would set that aside to see Aya reach her goals. But would Aya allow that? Would Aya, stubborn and determined as she was, allow for Fu to take a step back without even saying why?
Fu knew the answer. Aya would never give her up without a fight. And Fu was so weak when it came to Aya, that she would never have the heart to go against her. That's why she hadn't told her she couldn't participate in the competition yet. If she did, then Aya would want to know why. Fu could never let Aya find out the truth about her. Because even though Fu knew Aya loved her so much, she also knew that any human who found out their partner was a monster, would feel not just anger but despair.
Fu was going to have to hurt Aya, that was inevitable. But she was going to wait and enjoy their relationship and Aya's warmth for as long as she could before then.
“You good, Fu?” Aya asked. She had finished zipping up her guitar for the night and placed the case on the ground, resting against their bench. “You're doing your nervous thing.” Her voice was gentle, worn.
She always sounded so tired at the end of the night. It must've been tiring. Going to school all day and then staying out for hours into the night just to see Fu? Of course Aya was tired.
“Oh, I'm-” Fu tried to think of an excuse. She never was any good at lying, or speaking for that matter. It was always easier to be quiet and listen. Others who were louder and better at talking were the ones people listened to anyways. Never her and her quiet stutters.
“Is it the competition?” Aya suggested. “It's in a week, you have plenty of time to relax before you start to worry.”
“Yes,” Because in a way it was the competition. “I just don't…” Fu hesitated. The competition, her relationship with Aya, they were both the same. They weren't going to happen, no matter how much Fu liked to pretend they would. “It's a lot.” She said finally, still not having the guts to confess.
“Yeah,” Aya's smile softened. For a second she, too, looked nervous. “I've got a good luck charm for you, I thought it would help.”
This surprised Fu. Aya was always one for gifts. She had always given Fu cassettes, of course, but there had also been that stuffed animal she had won for her at the night carnival… Each gift always caught Fu off guard and made her flustered, but she always cherished them.
“Oh, you didn't have to-”
“No, I wanted to.” Aya said. She reached into the pocket of her long skirt and pulled out a simple hair clip. The clip itself was a soft yellow colour, but on it there was a blue star. Aya held out the clip to Fu, her face red with embarrassment. “It made me think of you.”
Fu's mouth opened in surprise. She looked at the clip, her heart racing as she reached out to touch it in Aya's palm. Her fingers shook as she traced them over the yellow star. She looked up and met Aya's eyes, “It did?”
“Well…” Aya's smile was bashful, she looked away for a small second. “We always meet right here.” She looked back at Fu. “Every night, rain or shine, storm or snow.” With her other hand, Aya reached up and gently cupped Fu's cheek. “We may meet at night, but even if I saw you in the day, I'd still be in the company of a star. You're my star, Fu. I love getting to perform with you.”
“Aya-” Fu's hand flew to cover Aya's on her cheek. Although she knew it was far too late for anyone to catch them, she was still nervous. She was always nervous. She was so overcome with emotion that it felt like her insides were shaking, like she might transform into a bat if she didn't watch herself. Aya was always the confident sweet talker with Fu… And hearing those words now just broke Fu's heart as much as they fueled the love burning within her chest.
“No one's ‘round,” Aya whispered. “Don't worry.”
Aya leaned in and kissed Fu. It was slow, gentle, and so full of feeling. Fu could feel Aya’s love, as well as her nervous optimism for the competition the following week. She could feel Aya’s pulse through her lips. Smell her sweet and sour tinged blood running through her veins.
Fu wanted that blood, she wanted Aya. She'd give anything, everything to be with her.
But she was with her, wasn't she? Even if it was just for a small blip in her own timeless life… Maybe she could tell Aya. Maybe she could work up the courage before the competition. Maybe-
Aya pulled away. She gazed at Fu with a look of complete admiration. “Let me put it in for you?” She asked, holding up her hand with the hair clip.
Fu could only nod, her gaze dropping to her lap.
With careful hands, Aya reached forward and pushed the hair that fell into the left side of Fu's face away. She gingerly pinned the blue-green locks away using the clip, and snapped it into place on the side of Fu's head.
Fu blinked as her normally obscured vision was cleared. She had never minded her hair, on the contrary it made life easier. She could look without others knowing she was looking and she could avoid stressful eye contact more easily.
Oh, but to look at Aya with both eyes. To just take a moment to stare at her under the pale light of the street lamp. “You're so pretty, Aya.” She muttered.
“Take a look at yourself, Fu.” Aya cut back. “You're the cute one here. I'm just the delinquent guitar player.” She fished into the pocket of her skirt once more and retrieved another similar looking star hair clip. The clip was white and the star was red. “Here…” She held it out to Fu. “I thought it would be cute if we matched, especially since our outfits for the day already match.”
Fu wanted to respond that Aya wasn't a delinquent, that she was so much more than the fights she got in and the things she stole from convenience stores; but she didn't. Instead, she took the red clip from Aya's hands.
While Fu studied the hair clip, Aya looked the other way. “Would you mind, um… putting it in my hair, too?” She asked.
Looking up from the clip, Fu smiled at the bashful look at Aya's face. “Come here,” She nodded. Once Aya leaned forward, Fu carefully placed the star clip in the right side of her hair, snapping it into place. “There you go… Now we can both be stars.”
A grin spread across Aya's face. She grabbed both of Fu's hands. “Damn right! Together, we’ll be stars for real.”
Fu clasped at Aya’s hands and smiled.
They would never be stars on a shared stage, but Aya would always shine in Fu's heart like one.
In the week leading up to the competition, Fu wore the clip Aya had given her every single day. The others at Banpai Manor remarked on her change of appearance when they saw her, but she did her best to brush them off. Fu did not wear the star for them, but for Aya.
Every night Fu saw Aya, her heart soared to see her wearing her matching star clip.
Even on the day of the competition they wore their matching clips. But after Fu deserted Aya, scared of her finding out what she was, and knowing she could never be in the sun with her; Fu stopped wearing the clip. She tucked it away in her dresser, keeping it safe and hidden. Her hair fell into her eyes and she was without the luck and love of her favourite star.
That's how it was for years, decades. All until an odd human started living in the Manor and asked Fu to sing for her NewTube channel. All until that human brought up her name, brought up Aya. Of course Fu had to follow up then, even if the address had led to a dead end. She learned that her shining star, her Aya, had burnt out and fizzled into the blackness of space without truly fulfilling her dreams of becoming a big artist.
But there was something more. A CD Fu had missed, tucked away in the inner pocket of the guitar case that had once belonged to Aya, given to Fu by the owner of a bar Aya performed at frequently before her passing.
And on that CD, Fu saw her. Her star, her Aya. She saw her perform, grown and beautiful.
And in her hair was a single, red star.
From that day on, Fu began to wear her own star again.