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The light pitter patter of raindrops filled the comfortable silence that encompassed Xiao’s room as his fingers traced the outline of Lumine’s nude body. So much had changed from a few hours ago to the present moment that led to this…a moment of peace, bare to the world as their feelings experienced ecstasy and affection for each other, connected with one another. Her skin against his, warmth enveloping his corrupted soul with the purity that was her own touch. The kind of sensation to wash all of his worries away, if only for a moment, to make him realize that there was more to this Yaksha than meets the eye. That he could be a confidant…a friend…and more importantly, her lover.
Hers…For all of eternity…
It was never his intention to fall for any being, even more so for this witness of Teyvat; Xiao was more than willing to live and die for Liyue, honoring the contract that was etched over a millenia ago. It gave him purpose, a reason to survive. However, he wandered through life as if he were a ghost. Lingering from one day, one year, one decade, and one century to the next. Mortals would come and go, but many would hardly be notable enough to be a memory in his mind. It wasn’t until Lumine had stumbled onto the balcony of Wangshu Inn did the questions about his life pour in.
Am I allowed happiness?
Would it be selfish to want it?
Is there more to life than just duty?
Each time that Lumine had visited him, it felt like he was getting more answers to these questions. Being able to let go of something that had such a hold on him was difficult to say at least. There were times he was surly and rejected every opportunity to be with her, only to protect Lumine and those around her, and others where he reluctantly followed her as if drawn to a flame. The former he looked upon with shame…for, even briefly, not being able to be with her for reasons that were his own would greatly pain him. As for the latter, having those experiences, even when he wasn’t in favor of them initially, became treasures that were precious to him.
Soon he found himself longing for her and her alone. Lumine’s laugh and voice became frequent visitors in his mind, and dreams of her seemingly glowing hair flowing in the wind as the faint whispers of a gentle tone speaking his name called out to him became a welcomed reverie…
“Xiao…”
A bright smile and dazzling golden eyes, with her hand extended out to him…
A promise to be there for as long as he’d want
He sighed deeply, letting his fingers pass through Lumine’s blonde tresses, watching in awe her hair falling strand by strand, past his fingertips and down to frame her face. Still wrapped in his arms and sound asleep, Xiao smiled warmly and softly to himself. How was it possible? How was any of this possible? And yet…did he really want an answer? Would he rather be just lost in the bliss that was her? Perhaps…perhaps it was better that he didn’t ask. That he didn’t want to know what lured her here. It was unusual for him to feel this way…it was inherently selfish. However, when was the last time he was actually selfish.
…
Perhaps…
…Never…
The sounds of Lumine stirring in his arms froze any thoughts he had, stiffening the moment her eyes met his. Those wonderful, and glittering gold eyes of hers, warming every inch of his soul with just the sight of them. Slowly, Xiao started to relax once again, waiting for her to say something, anything. Lumine giggled, her voice soft as she raised a hand to her lover’s cheek.
“You look startled, Xiao, am I so terrifying to you?” Lumine teased him, brushing her knuckles against the skin of his face, watching him intently with so much admiration and affection.
Xiao shook his head, a small grin making its way on his face, leaning into her touch, “Not at all…I was only surprised.”
“The Conqueror of Demons surprised? I’m shocked,” Lumine smiled up at him, watching as he uncharacteristically rolled his eyes, “Is it so easy to catch a Yaksha off his guard? Hm?”
“You have-”
“‘No respect for the adepti’? I believe I have a love and respect for them, especially this one in particular.” Lumine interrupted Xiao, carding her fingers through his teal colored crown.
A look of conflict flashed on Xiao’s face, his brows knitted into a frown; a sudden feeling of inadequacy rushed through him, causing him to look away from Lumine in self deprecation. Questions that he had asked himself since meeting her repeated themselves in his head, like an echo of self deprecating that he hadn’t felt since the incident in the Chasm.
Am I allowed happiness?
Would it be selfish to want it?
Is there more to life than just duty?
A gentle tug at his cheek made his gaze meet Lumine’s once again. Her eyes were warm but the expression she made was that of an understanding that couldn’t be spoken. That she too had experienced that level of self-consciousness as well. The uncertainty of whether or not she was worthy of any of this. That she was able to have this. With him. In this room where only the two of them existed. And that...was equally reassuring as it was confusing. New questions arose within Xiao, and before he was able to stop himself, a question bubbled out of his chest.
“Why me?” ...
The silence was deafening to Xiao’s ears, her hesitation was almost like a confirmation that there was no real reason for any of this…similar to mortals and their casual flings. He could feel his heart drop at this, feeling as if the emotions that he had experienced were solely his…and hers were different.
But then she smiled…
She was not at all different…
In that moment before she spoke…the world stopped…
And felt whole once again…
“Because I love who you are, Xiao,” Lumine remarked with the kind of softness and kindness that Xiao loved so dearly, “You are brave, strong, and a reliable person…someone I can confide in without judgment or hatred. But you are kind-hearted and selfless…you’ve always been since I met you…even if you were a bit cold at the beginning.”
Xiao’s eyes clenched remembering the way he had spoken to Lumine when they first met. Cold…unapproachable. Even when she had kindly invited him to Lantern Rite, a celebration he didn’t feel was something he should be a part of, he responded in the same surly manner. It was shameful…and had it been anyone else…perhaps the memory of meeting him would be hurtful, poisoning their meeting in theory…
Xiao’s eyes softened, that feeling of regret weighing on him severely, “I…I was not polite when we did meet…I…”
“Xiao, it’s fine,” Lumine reassured him, caming him with ease, “I was an unknown, you were on your guard…and no matter what, it doesn’t change who you are. Who you really are.”
“You’re certain?”
”Of course…Xiao...”
…At that moment he knew..
…He knew he could trust her…
The way her eyes could speak to him in a way that only he knew
Like a language only they could speak…
Them…and only them…
Forever…
“...I adore you…” Xiao whispered quietly, his words only for Lumine to hear, and full of a yearning and love that was impossible to describe. Leaning in close, their breaths intermingled with their lips just grazing against one another. There was no other words that Xiao could express…none that could ever capture the depths of his love for Lumine…it could only be shown.
While the first time they came together was nearly a frenzy of hands on skin, quick and quiet stripping of their clothes, and almost a primal way to be with one another, once Xiao captured Lumine’s lips with a gasp from her, he made it his mission to show Lumine, rather than telling her, how much he longed for her…admired her…adored her…and loved her…
His hands reached around her body, finding every inch of her skin soft and supple. His lips passionately danced with Lumine’s, her soft mews and the sensation of her tongue demanding entrance to his mouth only spurred him on more, as his hands found Lumine’s breasts, his fingers sought out her sensitive buds, feeling Lumine writhe underneath his touch.
Xiao’s lips never left Lumine’s body. When he was finished with her lips, he trailed his kisses down her face and towards her neck, suckling softly in the most sensitive areas; creating small marks, symbols of his devotion to her and her alone. Worshiping in her reverence, his mouth lowered down to her other breast, his left hand lifting her slightly up to him, in an effort to keep this heavenly light in his embrace. Forever cursing out the darkness that dwelled within him…and around him.
The quiet pleading and whispers of his name, left him with only one action left, and with a touch to her core, Xiao could sense her eagerness for him. Spreading her legs, and inviting himself in, Xiao entered Lumine with ease, her sighs sounding like symphonies crafted from the heavens, moving with her in a quiet and slow rhythm. Both were willing to take this time slower than the previous one. Using this time to memorize the loving gaze either held for the other. Amber and gold look upon each with admiration and respect…kindness and care…love and affection.
The emotions that built between them could easily be spoken in those three beautiful words that mortals had for one another…but could it possibly encapsulate the tenderness shared between two nearly immortal beings? Somehow it felt deeper than just ‘love’ for Xiao…there was almost a pull, and passion that would always lead him back to her arms…seeking her generous and caring spirit. A rare intangible trait that would make it impossible for him to leave. For in her arms, he sought his salvation and his own wishes…the answer to his questions. And in her voice, as she cried out his name in ecstasy, he could hear it.
Yes…you are allowed to be happy…
It’s not selfish to want it…as long as it doesn’t harm others…
Life is more than duty…it can be as important or as mundane as you’d like…
…Ultimately…
It’s yours to make…
Xiao grunted, feeling his body release deep within Lumine, while his arms tightened around his lover’s body. Collapsing onto her chest, he listened to Lumine’s steady and rapid heartbeat, this woman…this being…she surrounded his heart like an ocean…and he was content to sink deep beneath her waves. Wrapped in only her…for eternity. For who could resist the sinking warmth that was salvation in her arms? Who could even deny the fate that was thrusted upon him once his being met hers? The flame inside his heart peering into her heavenly gaze was enough to let him eventually let his guard down and allow himself to be happy. To be content. To be loved. And when she carded her caring fingertips through his hair once again, he sunk deeper into her depths, if only to make sure every inch of her…was his.
“Xiao…I love you…”
His answer was not needed, but he felt as though it was necessary…and with a quiet whisper in the night, cradled to her chest, he finally let his feelings out.
“My heart is yours…for as long as you need…it’s all yours…until the end…”