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Seonghwa should’ve seen this conversation coming from a mile away. He knows that he and Hongjoong have had an interesting relationship since the formation of the group, but he has never had Hongjoong’s eyes locked on his entire being with such intensity as he has this past couple of weeks.
The intense staring started, Seonghwa recalls nervously, when he started growing his hair long. And it’s only getting more intense from Hongjoong as the days pass.
They’re alone in the practice room, the only two left after a grueling dance session. Seonghwa was preparing his bag to leave for the day and go home and take a much needed shower, sweat plastering his long hair to his skin. His clothes felt disgustingly wet against his body. He was not in tip top condition. And yet, Hongjoong’s eyes were on him. Seonghwa glances over at the other man, sitting with his legs stretched out in front of him on the floor, leaning back on his hands. He looks just as sweaty and worn out as Seonghwa feels. They make eye contact and Seonghwa has to do a full 180 where he stands to break the contact.
“Do you want to take a picture?” Seonghwa asks softly to the room, knowing Hongjoong can hear him in the silent space. “It might last longer than your eyes on me.” Seonghwa chances a glance at Hongjoong in the dance mirrors lining the side of the wall Seonghwa is facing. Hongjoong is still staring at him.
“What?” Hongjoong asks, shifting so he’s sitting cross legged on the floor. His eyes don’t leave Seonghwa. Seonghwa turns around to make direct eye contact with the other man.
“You’ve been watching me so hard these days, Joongie.” Seonghwa half accuses, keeping his voice still kind and soft so Hongjoong doesn’t know how nervous he is. Because it’s true. Hongjoong seems to spend most of his time staring at Seonghwa whenever they’re together.
“Sorry,” Hongjoong says, looking away from Seonghwa finally. He draws his hands into his lap and begins to play with the rings on his own fingers. “I haven’t really noticed. Sorry if I’ve made you uncomfortable.”
The anxious tone is unusual for Hongjoong. It’s so unusual that Seonghwa closes the distance between them and joins Hongjoong on the floor. He knocks a foot against Hongjoong’s bent knee and the touch makes him draw his eyes back to Seonghwa’s. “I’m not uncomfortable,” he says, “just curious.”
Hongjoong sucks in a breath and looks away from Seonghwa again. His hands have stilled where they twirled his own rings. “It’s just,” he trails off. Seonghwa waits for him to start again but a moment passes and Hongjoong doesn’t speak.
“It’s just what, Joongie?” Seonghwa prods gently. He inches closer, knowing Hongjoong doesn’t love the physical contact but wanting him to know Seonghwa is willing to listen. Hongjoong’s knee feels like it’s burning a hole through Seonghwa’s sweatpants where it rests.
“You’re so pretty,” Hongjoong mutters, refusing to look up at Seonghwa. Seonghwa’s brows furrow. He almost feels like he misheard what Hongjoong said. That wasn’t what he was expecting. Of course, he didn’t know what he had been expecting Hongjoong to say. But not that.
“You think I’m pretty?” Seonghwa asks, voice soft. He’s proud of himself for keeping it together. Hongjoong said he’s pretty. Hongjoong thinks he’s pretty. What is happening?
“Yeah,” Hongjoong looks up and it’s Seonghwa’s turn to suck in a breath. Hongjoong’s eyes have darkened since he had been looking away and the look on his face sends a shiver down Seonghwa’s spine. If Seonghwa didn’t know any better, he would say that Hongjoong looks hungry.
“Oh,” Seonghwa says lamely. He doesn’t know what else to say. Hongjoong has complimented him before, like he compliments all of the members. But something about being called pretty by the other man…
“Sorry,” Hongjoong apologizes again. His eyes trail all over Seonghwa’s face, dropping down his neck to his body, before landing back down at his own hands again.
“Why are you sorry?” Seonghwa asks. He truly doesn’t know how to continue this conversation other than parroting Hongjoong. Or even know how to end the conversation and leave, not that he wants to do that. He kind of feels like he’s dreaming. Maybe he passed out from exhaustion after practice and this is all just a dream. He’ll wake up on the cold, hard floor soon and won’t have the knowledge that Hongjoong thinks he’s pretty.
“Because I can’t stop,” Hongjoong says. He’s still staring at his own hands. Seonghwa resists the urge to nudge him again just to verify this whole situation is real. “I can’t stop looking at you.” His voice is softer than Seonghwa has heard in a while. He really is nervous.
“You can look at me, Joong.” Seonghwa reassures him. Hongjoong takes the invitation for what it is and looks back up at the older man. He doesn’t look any less hungry than before, but the hunger is secondary to what Seonghwa believes is shame. “I just wanted to know why you keep watching me. But it’s okay that you are.”
Hongjoong lets out a groan and dramatically throws himself onto his back on the floor, surprising Seonghwa. “No, I need to stop. It was enough that you noticed. I can’t,” he trails off again, putting his hands over his face.
Seonghwa takes a chance with Hongjoong’s new position and places his hand gently on Hongjoong’s leg. Hongjoong visibly tenses under the touch. Seonghwa feels the strong muscles of Hongjoong’s thigh tighten under his hand. “You can think I’m pretty, Hongjoong. It’s flattering. I’m glad you think so.”
Hongjoong doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t move. Seonghwa watches the rise and fall of Hongjoong’s chest as he breathes. He takes another chance and squeezes the younger man’s thigh, gently massaging the tense muscles. Hongjoong’s chest stutters as he breathes. Seonghwa notices his lips part slightly and swears he can hear a soft moan leave the other’s lips.
“For the record,” Seonghwa continues when Hongjoong stays silent, “I think you’re pretty too.” He says it because it’s the truth. Hongjoong is very pretty.
That statement gets Hongjoong up. He lifts himself back into a sitting position and drops his hands from his face. Seonghwa didn’t realize he had leaned forward until Hongjoong was upright again, and his eyes widen as their faces get closer.
“Have you looked in a mirror lately?” Hongjoong says, face contorting into one of pain, like just admitting his thoughts is stressful to him.
Seonghwa smirks slightly and turns his head to look at the mirrors behind him. When he turns back to look at Hongjoong and make a joke about the room full of mirrors, he’s surprised by a hand suddenly in his still slightly damp hair. Hongjoong turns Seonghwa’s face back towards the mirror and maneuvers them so they are looking at each other through it.
“Look again,” Hongjoong says. Seonghwa shudders. When did Hongjoong’s mouth get so close to his ear? Seonghwa watches the both of them in the mirror as Hongjoong shifts until he’s on his knees behind Seonghwa, gazing at them from over his shoulder. His hand is still tangled in Seonghwa’s hair. “You’re, wow.” Hongjoong says, breath ghosting across Seonghwa’s skin.
“What do you mean?” Seonghwa says, breath hitching on the last word. Hongjoong shifts slightly so he can release Seonghwa’s hair and drop his hand on the opposite shoulder from his face.
“Looking at you,” Hongjoong shifts again, adjusting himself so he can look over Seonghwa’s head. His other hand goes to Seonghwa’s other shoulder. “Looking at you hurts me sometimes.” Seonghwa’s brows furrow.
“What—“ he starts, but he’s cut off by one of Hongjoong’s hands sliding from his shoulder and resting at the base of his throat. Hongjoong uses the hand on his neck to tilt Seonghwa’s head back. Seonghwa looks at him from upside down.
“I look at you and I can’t believe you’re real.” He squeezes Seonghwa’s neck slightly as he talks. The pressure sends tingles down Seonghwa’s body. He’s always had a sensitive neck, not that Hongjoong would know that. “You look like you’ve been crafted by the gods themselves.” Hongjoong leans down and presses their foreheads together. Seonghwa’s eyes flutter closed. “You’re so fucking beautiful, I can’t stand it sometimes.”
Seonghwa shudders against Hongjoong. He had no idea the other man felt that way. Seonghwa has been working very hard on his appearance, especially recently, trying his best to be as healthy and attractive as he can be. While he knows people have noticed his changes, he didn’t know that his friend took notice to this extreme.
“Joong—“ he starts again, only to have Hongjoong drop his hand from his neck and lift his forehead away. Seonghwa leans forward again and looks at Hongjoong through the mirror.
“Come home with me,” Hongjoong says, voice hinting with an edge of desperation. “Please let me show you how beautiful you are to me.” Seonghwa shudders again.
“How would you do that?” Seonghwa asks, voice deepening with the lust beginning to swirl throughout his entire being.
Hongjoong shifts on his knees and Seonghwa feels when Hongjoong presses more of his body against Seonghwa’s back. Seonghwa’s eyes flutter shut again when he feels the younger man’s erection graze against his spine.
“Any way you want, Hwa.” Hongjoong is breathless. He leans down and presses his lips to the top of Seonghwa’s hair. “Please let me show you.”
********
The ride home feels like torture. Seonghwa is in the passenger seat of Hongjoong’s newly acquired car, and since opening up to Seonghwa, it’s as if Hongjoong can’t control himself. His right hand hasn’t left Seonghwa’s leg since they began driving, kneading the muscle through the fabric of his pants. Seonghwa takes a chance when they’re closer to home and places his hand on top of Hongjoong’s. The younger flips his hand around so they can tangle their fingers together.
Seonghwa glances at his driver when they come to a stop at a red light. He finds Hongjoong already looking at him. Seonghwa’s breath hitches at the sight before him. Hongjoong is looking at him with an expression that is nothing short of adoration. He’s looking at Seonghwa like he himself hung the moon and the stars. Like Seonghwa has the answers to all of the questions Hongjoong could ever think of asking. Seonghwa squeezes Hongjoong’s hand in his own.
He’s ashamed to say that if Hongjoong has looked at him like this in the past, he hasn’t noticed. Either that or he just assumed that there was no way Hongjoong could truly be looking at Seonghwa in that way. Seonghwa just naturally assumed that everyone in his close circle had nothing but platonic feelings for him, including any feelings of adoration that may have risen.
“You’re beautiful,” Hongjoong says as the light changes to green and he has to turn his focus back to the road. It’s his turn to squeeze Seonghwa’s hand. Seonghwa’s heart clenches in his chest at the words.
When the car comes to a stop at their building, they agree to part ways and clean themselves up after the exhausting practice they had that day. Hongjoong says that he’ll come over to Seonghwa’s dorm in an hour. Seonghwa says okay.
To Seonghwa’s surprise, Hongjoong manages to keep his hands to himself as they ride the elevator to their respective floors. It’s only when the elevator begins to slow to a stop at Seonghwa’s floor that Hongjoong makes a move. He steps into Seonghwa’s space and crowds him against the wall. Seonghwa hears the door open right as Hongjoong presses a chaste kiss to his cheek.
“I’ll see you soon, beautiful.” Hongjoong says, stepping to the side to let Seonghwa leave the elevator. Seonghwa turns and watches Hongjoong vanish behind the closing doors. He sees the blush high on Hongjoong’s cheeks as he watches Seonghwa back.
Seonghwa all but runs to the front door of his dorm, suddenly eager to get inside and wash away the sweat of the day. It’s quiet when he enters and kicks off his shoes. San and Mingi must be otherwise occupied, but Seonghwa doesn’t worry about them right now. All he’s worried about is getting ready for the visitor coming to his dorm in an hour.
The idea of Hongjoong doing the same thing he’s doing at this moment has Seonghwa vibrating in his skin. He pictures Hongjoong rushing around his own space, eager to get back to Seonghwa. He wants to be quick in the shower, but he cleans himself thoroughly. He doesn’t know exactly what the night has in store for him, but he wants to be clean everywhere just in case.
Then the additional idea of just what Hongjoong meant by showing Seonghwa how beautiful he is has Seonghwa starting to chub up under the spray of the shower head. He said any way Seonghwa wants. But what if Seonghwa wants it all? He resists the urge to take himself in his hand and leans to turn the water colder instead. As much as he wants to touch himself, he knows Hongjoong would rather do it. He wants Hongjoong to touch him.
He wants Hongjoong to worship him the way it sounds like he wants to worship Seonghwa. He wants Hongjoong to show him how he feels.
He wants, wants, wants.
Seonghwa thinks about Hongjoong the entire shower and continues thinking once he steps out from under the chilly spray. He’s always found Hongjoong fascinating for a number of reasons. He’s always looked up to him.
Sure, when they first met and started living in the same room, he had a lingering attraction to the other man. He saw him all the time for goodness sake. It would’ve been hard to ignore how cute Hongjoong was back then. As they’ve grown older together, Hongjoong grew even more attractive too. Seonghwa would even go as far as to argue that Hongjoong is just as beautiful, if not more, than himself.
Seonghwa finds himself thinking as he goes through his self care steps, preparing himself for Hongjoong’s arrival. He thinks about how the other man has a face that could cure conflicts, with his smooth skin, dark doe eyes, and perfect nose and teeth. Hongjoong has a body that, despite hiding it under stylish, baggy clothes more often than not, is firm and taut with years of religious dance practice. He has a brain that Seonghwa envies. He can whip out a meaningful song like it’s nothing, but he takes the time to perfect his craft, making the meaningful songs even more spectacular.
Seonghwa hears the soft knock on the door through the bathroom door he cracked open while he towel dried his hair. He gives himself one more look in the mirror before taking a deep breath and exiting the bathroom. He goes over to the front door and unlocks it softly before opening it.
Hongjoong is there, hands in the pockets of his sweatpants, looking visibly nervous. He looks up from where he was staring at his own feet in his slides and Seonghwa hears the breath hitch as their eyes meet.
“Hi,” Hongjoong says breathlessly.
“Hi,” Seonghwa parrots back. He steps back to allow Hongjoong to enter, but the younger man makes no move towards him. “You can come in.” Seonghwa says, hand on the edge of the door.
“Oh,” Hongjoong replies, stepping over the threshold. He takes off his slides and puts them beside Seonghwa’s in the doorway. Seonghwa attempts to close the door but is unable with how close Hongjoong is still standing to the open space. Seonghwa bumps the door into his arm playfully and Hongjoong gets the hint before moving out of the way with some words so soft that Seonghwa can’t hear.
“Do you want something to drink?” Seonghwa asks, trying to break the silence that is beginning to feel awkward. He’s wondering if Hongjoong is having second thoughts now that the adrenaline of the dance practice is fully out of their systems.
“No, thank you,” Hongjoong says, shifting further into the apartment. Seonghwa goes to follow him but Hongjoong stops suddenly, causing Seonghwa to almost bump into his back. He turns on his heel and they’re face to face. Seonghwa watches Hongjoong’s Adam’s apple as it bobs around a nervous swallow.
“Are you—“ Seonghwa starts, but in what seems to be one of the themes of the afternoon, is cut off by Hongjoong. This time it’s by Hongjoong’s lips on his own. One of his hands finds its way out of Hongjoong’s pocket and to the back of Seonghwa’s hair, tugging him closer as their lips connect.
Hongjoong tastes like the mint toothpaste Seonghwa knows he prefers. His lips are soft with the lip balm he always wears. He realizes that he knew what Hongjoong would taste and feel like before doing either to the man. That thought makes his fingers tingle against the fabric of Hongjoong’s shirt where they rest.
Hongjoong feels perfect against Seonghwa’s own lips. The space he takes up feels like the missing piece Seonghwa hadn’t been aware was even missing until just then. They stand there, kissing languidly for a moment, just feeling each other. Hongjoong suddenly tugs Seonghwa’s bottom lip between his teeth briefly before releasing it and pulling away from the man.
“God,” Hongjoong says, just as breathless as when he arrived. “Your pretty lips even taste delicious.” He presses a chaste kiss to Seonghwa’s lips. “I knew they would.”
“How long have you known how they’d taste?” Seonghwa whispers into the space between them.
“Since I met you.” Seonghwa’s heart pounds at Hongjoong’s words. “You’ve been the most beautiful person in my life for years, Hwa.”
Seonghwa feels tears spring up in the corners of his eyes almost immediately. Hongjoong has held onto this thought about him for years? “Holy shit,” he gasps softly before leaning in and capturing Hongjoong’s lips in another kiss.
Seonghwa tightens his fists into Hongjoong’s shirt while Hongjoong crosses his arms at the wrists behind Seonghwa’s head. Their slight height difference is causing Seonghwa to bend slightly, but he’ll take minor neck pain any day for the feeling of Hongjoong’s mouth on his. They stand there, slowly exploring each other’s mouths. Drawing lips and tongues into each other. Nipping at lips. Moaning and sighing softly against each other’s skin.
Seonghwa trails his hands from their place on Hongjoong’s shirt to clutch as his waist, drawing his body closer. They both let out gasps when their hips bump and they feel how the other is affected by what is happening.
“You feel so good,” Hongjoong mutters when he pulls away for air. He punctuates his statement by rocking his hips against Seonghwa. “I want to see you. Can I undress you?”
Seonghwa can’t help but nod, drawing Hongjoong in for another searing kiss. They rock together while Hongjoong manages to get a hand under Seonghwa’s tank top. He splays his fingers across Seonghwa’s abs and Seonghwa’s gasps at the touch.
“We need to go to my room,” Seonghwa says, shuddering when Hongjoong strokes his fingers across one of Seonghwa’s sensitive nipples. “I don’t know where Mingi and San are.”
“Good plan,” Hongjoong says, withdrawing his hand from under Seonghwa’s tank top. “I’m the only one who gets to see all of you, beautiful.”
Seonghwa gasps as Hongjoong grabs his hand and guides him to his own room. Once inside, Seonghwa is pushed down onto his bed and Hongjoong stands at his feet just looking at him. Seonghwa is still fully dressed but feels naked under Hongjoong’s gaze.
“You’re so pretty in literally everything you wear,” Hongjoong says, eyes traveling across Seonghwa’s form. “Whether you’re in sweats or in designer clothes, you’re so fucking gorgeous.” He steps closer and tugs Seonghwa’s tank top off, throwing it across the room before pushing Seonghwa onto his back. He climbs on top of him and stares down at the older man.
“And look at you. No makeup, fluffy hair.” Hongjoong leans down and captures Seonghwa’s lips with his own. “So fucking pretty. Just as pretty as you are fully styled.” He kisses him again. “How do you do it?”
“I fear you think too highly of me,” Seonghwa jokes under the intense praise.
“Nonsense.” Hongjoong says, pressing his lips to Seonghwa’s jaw. “Everything about you is perfect to me.” He trails his lips from Seonghwa’s jaw to the column of his throat. He takes one of his hands to turn Seonghwa’s head and press a deep kiss to the skin.
“Want to know a secret?” Hongjoong asks, stroking his thumb against Seonghwa’s neck. Seonghwa’s eyes flutter closed and he nods. “When the stylists painted ‘Matz’ on you for our music video, I thought I was gonna lose it right then and there.” Seonghwa gasps as Hongjoong presses kisses to his throat. “Wanted so badly to be the one getting to paint our unit name on you. Just seeing it drove me fucking crazy.”
With a moan of the younger’s name, Seonghwa’s rocks his hips up. All of the attention and praise had him rock hard in his sweats and he desperately needs more friction. Hongjoong obliges, rocking down to seek friction of his own.
“I’m not done,” Hongjoong says, trailing his lips down to Seonghwa’s collarbones. “This fucking body of yours. I’ve always thought you’re hot, but holy shit, Hwa.” Hongjoong skips over his pecs with his hand and squeezes his abdomen instead. “You’re so pretty but so strong too. Maybe one day you can show me what you can do with your core.” Seonghwa shudders at the implication of a next time.
“But now, your skin. Your beautiful golden skin.” Hongjoong praises, leaning down and lapping at a nipple while still kneading at Seonghwa’s stomach and waist. “Tastes just like honey.” He trails his tongue to the other nipple and sucks it in his mouth. “I bet other parts of you taste just as good.”
Seonghwa lets out a frustrated moan and throws his head back at the assault on his nipples. “You’re killing me.” He cries, clutching Hongjoong’s hair in his hand. Hongjoong moans at the pull.
“You’ve been killing me for years, Hwa. Just by existing the way you do.” He trails his mouth down to nip at the skin beside Seonghwa’s belly button before dipping his tongue inside the shallow divot. Seonghwa has never once thought that someone kissing his belly button would be hot, but Hongjoong doing it sends him to the moon and back. “Your reactions sound so pretty too.” He says, nipping at the skin of Seonghwa’s hip right above the waistband of his pants.
One hand fisting his sheets, the other in Hongjoong’s hair, Seonghwa lets his moaning and gasping out more. Knowing it’s turning Hongjoong on spurs him on himself. “What else?” Seonghwa asks, gazing down at Hongjoong. Hongjoong lifts his head slightly and smirks at Seonghwa’s question.
“You like the praise, huh?” Hongjoong asks, trailing a hand to the front of Seonghwa’s sweatpants and palms at his erection. Seonghwa can’t help the whimper that comes from his mouth at Hongjoong finally getting a hand on him.
“You just have so much of it.” Seonghwa says, “It’s easy to believe the words that come out of your mouth when it’s so passionate.”
Hongjoong squeezes Seonghwa through his pants, drawing a surprised gasp from him. “If you ever feel less than as beautiful as you are, you come to me.” He says, stroking the outline of Seonghwa’s cock slowly. “I will write full sonnets about how fucking beautiful you are. I’ll scream the words from the mountain tops.” He keeps stroking. “The moment you even start to doubt your beauty, you come directly to me.”
Seonghwa feels tears begin to fall. His heart is so full of love for the man with him that it’s the easiest reaction his body has. He’s been open about how he’s felt about himself in the past. He wonders if his past self degradation pained Hongjoong as much as it pained Seonghwa to feel the way he did.
Hongjoong surprises him by pressing their lips together suddenly. His thumbs come to wipe the tears and Seonghwa shakes slightly under his touch. “I really hate seeing you cry,” Hongjoong says, pressing kisses below both of Seonghwa’s eyes in succession. “But even your tears are so breathtaking.”
“Oh god,” Seonghwa laughs wetly. He smiles through his tears and drags Hongjoong’s head down to rest their foreheads together. “You’ve always had a way with words.”
Hongjoong lowers himself so he can wrap Seonghwa in a full body hug. Seonghwa marvels at how this man was literally just stroking his dick through his pants and now cuddling him. He feels himself silently start to cry again, but from being overwhelmed by the emotions flowing between them.
“Keep going,” Seonghwa says softly when Hongjoong’s weight on top of him makes him too warm.
“Are you sure?” Hongjoong asks, raising up onto his elbows to look at Seonghwa. Seonghwa nods and Hongjoong draws him in for another kiss. Seonghwa slips his hands down Hongjoong’s back to rest on his hips, holding him close. He rocks his own hips up slightly as they kiss, hips mimicking the motion of their lips. No urgency, just feeling.
“You’re not just pretty,” Hongjoong continues, barely separating himself from Seonghwa’s mouth. He kisses Seonghwa between the words. “You’re also talented.” He shifts slightly to press kisses to Seonghwa’s forehead. “In here holds a brain full of so many amazing ideas and talents. I would kill for a brain like yours.” He kisses his forehead again.
“Yeah okay,” Seonghwa says softly, causing Hongjoong to stop kissing his skin for a moment. “That’s how I feel about your brain, you stupid genius.” Hongjoong breathes out a soft laugh against Seonghwa’s forehead and dips down to press another languid kiss to his lips.
Hongjoong pulls away slightly to look Seonghwa in his eyes. What Seonghwa sees in his gaze involuntarily takes his breath away. This is Hongjoong. The man he’s known for years and he’s looking down at him with nothing but absolute adoration. He’s been praising him, telling him all of the thoughts in his head with such conviction that Seonghwa’s heart clenches in his chest.
Seonghwa must’ve been blind to not see it. It clearly isn’t a new development based on everything Hongjoong has admitted to him today. There’s absolutely no way Hongjoong hasn’t been harboring these intense feelings for Seonghwa for literal years at this point.
“You love me.” Seonghwa says softly. He meant for it to come out as a question, but the short sentence has Hongjoong dipping back down and sucking a shuddering breath from Seonghwa’s lips.
“I have since I met you.” Hongjoong says against Seonghwa’s lips.
Seonghwa’s hands fly from where they were holding Hongjoong’s waist and land in his hair instead. He holds Hongjoong against his mouth and takes control of the kiss, all the emotion making Seonghwa lightheaded. He rocks himself up and uses his strength to flip them over, straddling Hongjoong like he had been doing to him. He pulls back to see Hongjoong looking absolutely dizzy with the sudden switch in positions. Seonghwa places both hands on either side of Hongjoong’s head and takes in the younger man’s flushed face. He looks breathtaking just from being the one to flatter Seonghwa the way he has. It blows Seonghwa’s mind that someone can get this crazy about someone like himself.
“Why didn’t you fucking say something?” Seonghwa asks with no bite in his tone. He can guess why Hongjoong never confessed. He can also assume Hongjoong wouldn’t be confessing today if Seonghwa hadn’t finally called him out for staring at him. He leans down and steals another kiss from the younger’s lax lips. Hongjoong lets him take control again.
“I was afraid that if I did, it would ruin our friendship.” Hongjoong says when Seonghwa lets him speak. It’s too honest and hurts Seonghwa’s chest. “I’d rather have you in my life as just a friend than not have you at all.”
Seonghwa can’t look at him anymore without fear of crying again. He leans down to press kisses to Hongjoong’s neck. Hongjoong sucks in a gasp as Seonghwa explores the skin he can reach. He’s suddenly aware that he’s less dressed than Hongjoong, but he doesn’t care.
“Honestly,” Seonghwa starts, nuzzling his nose against the spot he last kissed, “you wouldn’t have lost me back then. And you definitely won’t lose me now, Joongie.” Seonghwa says before pressing a kiss under Hongjoong’s ear. Hongjoong’s arms wrap around Seonghwa’s back and tug him down into another hug. Seonghwa laughs inwardly at the sudden influx of physical affection from the other man tonight. He’s hugged Seonghwa more tonight than he has in the past year.
Maybe all it took was for Hongjoong to confess to him to get him to touch him more. Maybe that’s why he couldn’t give him friendly skinship. He couldn’t allow himself platonic skinship for fear of exposing his true feelings. Seonghwa may never know, but he can guess this to be true.
“Can I keep telling you how pretty you are now?” Hongjoong asks into Seonghwa’s skin, not pulling away from the hug at all. Seonghwa nods against him, and he hears Hongjoong sigh.
Next thing Seonghwa knows, they’re being rolled and he’s on his back again. There’s a soft grunt from Hongjoong as they bump into the wall Seonghwa’s bed is against. Hongjoong unwraps himself from the embrace and slips his hands down Seonghwa’s torso to the waistband of his pants. He glances up at Seonghwa for permission, which Seonghwa eagerly grants, before beginning to slip them down. Once they’re discarded where Seonghwa’s tank top had landed, Hongjoong sits straight up on his knees, butt on Seonghwa’s bare shins, and just stares down at him.
“Even your dick is pretty, what the fuck?” Hongjoong says, taking Seonghwa’s already leaking and neglected dick in one of his hands without hesitation. He traces a circle around the glistening head with his thumb and glances up at Seonghwa’s face. “The same fucking beautiful color as your lips. Insane.” He leans forward and licks the head gingerly, drawing a gasp from Seonghwa’s aforementioned lips.
“Fuck, Joong, please,” Seonghwa gasps as Hongjoong gives the tip of his dick small, teasing licks, lapping up the precum that has collected there.
Seonghwa is no stranger to having his dick sucked. He’s hooked up in the Inkigayo bathrooms during music shows just like other idols. But the way Hongjoong is just teasing him is driving him absolutely insane. It shouldn’t be. There’s not even a lot happening, just Hongjoong gently licking and sucking literally just the tip, but Seonghwa is already afraid of cumming before he wants to.
“You have to stop. I’m going to cum.” Seonghwa whines, trying to push Hongjoong’s head away with his hand. Hongjoong just smiles and continues his ministrations. He finally takes more of Seonghwa inside his mouth, and Seonghwa gives no more warning before he’s cumming inside Hongjoong’s wet, warm mouth.
Seonghwa closed his eyes involuntarily when he started to cum, and when he comes down from his orgasm, he opens them again, looking down his body at Hongjoong, who has let go of his dick and is now sitting back on his knees just watching Seonghwa. He sees a small bit of cum in the corner of his lips, and it’s then that he notices that Hongjoong still has his cum resting in his mouth. Once Hongjoong knows Seonghwa is looking, he makes a show of swallowing down all Seonghwa gave him.
Seonghwa’s lips part slightly and if he could get hard right this second, the sight before him would get him there. It’s so hot. Seonghwa tells Hongjoong as much and Hongjoong just smiles.
“I could live off nothing but your taste for the rest of my life,” he says, once again taking Seonghwa’s breath away and making his head spin.
“You’re insane,” Seonghwa says, dropping his hands on Hongjoong’s thighs. He runs his hands down the fabric of Hongjoong’s pants and gets an idea of how he can make Hongjoong’s head spin too.
He tugs at Hongjoong’s pants a little, trying to draw them down his body. “I know I literally just came, but I really want you to fuck me.” Seonghwa says, trailing a hand to the front of Hongjoong’s pants. He’s so hard, it must hurt at this point.
“Are you sure?” Hongjoong asks breathlessly as Seonghwa strokes him through his pants. He’s trying to get a feel of how big Hongjoong is. He hasn’t bottomed in a long time and he wants to be prepared for what is going to be inside him. His mouth waters the longer he touches Hongjoong. He can’t wait to get the younger man’s dick out and see it.
“If you think I’m so pretty now, you’ll think I’m a god when you see me cum on your cock.” Seonghwa teases, dropping his voice an octave. It has the desired effect on Hongjoong, and he has a face full of the other man in a second. He licks the taste of himself out of Hongjoong’s mouth and feels Hongjoong moan into the kiss.
“You can’t say shit like that,” Hongjoong says, rocking his hips into Seonghwa’s hand.
“You’ve been saying that shit to me all night, Joongie.” Seonghwa retaliates. He squeezes Hongjoong’s dick for good measure. “You need to get a taste of your own medicine.”
“I’d rather get another taste of you.” Hongjoong says, quickly removing himself from Seonghwa’s space. Seonghwa lets out a questioning noise but immediately gets his answer when Hongjoong pries Seonghwa’s legs apart and hooks one over his shoulder. Seonghwa swears when Hongjoong dips down and starts mouthing at his hole. He’s so glad he showered so thoroughly when he got home.
Hongjoong eats him out like he’s eating the most delicious meal he’s ever had. He’s licking stripe after stripe from his hole to his balls like he’s starving for it before sinking his tongue into Seonghwa. Seonghwa has his hands fisting the sheets on either side of his body, head thrown back and whines escaping his lips. Hongjoong presses the leg not over his shoulder down on the bed and points his tongue like he’s trying to see how much of it he can get into Seonghwa. Seonghwa is writhing under Hongjoong’s mouth by the time he comes up for air.
Seonghwa looks down his body at Hongjoong who looks absolutely filthy, spit covering his chin, lips red and swollen, blush high on his cheeks. “I wish you could see yourself like this, holy shit.” Seonghwa says breathlessly.
Hongjoong massages Seonghwa’s inner thigh where he’s holding him down. “Speak for yourself,” he says, getting a good look at the man on his back for him. Seonghwa knows he probably looks roughly the same as Hongjoong, but with damp eyes from the stimulation.
Hongjoong dives back in, maneuvering so he can spread Seonghwa’s cheeks a little more. Seonghwa lets out a surprised groan when he feels one of Hongjoong’s fingers breach his hole beside his tongue. He can’t help the panting spilling from his lips as Hongjoong fucks his finger deeper and deeper inside of him, using all of the spit he left as lube. It still burns and Seonghwa has half a mind to quickly reach for his actual lube and throw it to Hongjoong, but he’s stopped when Hongjoong sucks his balls into his mouth, taking turns with each one, as he fingers him.
“You were right,” Hongjoong mutters, peeking at Seonghwa through his lashes. “I never could’ve even imagined how you would’ve looked with me inside you.” He slips a second finger beside the first and Seonghwa sees stars just from this. He’s so far gone already that he can’t stop whimpering as Hongjoong stretches him.
Hongjoong presses kisses to his hip, right beside where Seonghwa’s embarrassingly hard dick rests. “So fucking beautiful stretched around my fingers,” he says, slowing his movements and watching his digits sink in and out of Seonghwa at a teasing speed.
Hongjoong’s eyes land on him as Seonghwa stretches his arm and blindly pats in the vicinity of his bedside table. “Lube, please Joongie, I need your dick in me.” He begs when he can’t reach his lube himself. Hongjoong slips his fingers from Seonghwa and drops the leg that was on his shoulder to search for the item himself. Seonghwa takes a moment to catch his breath, overwhelmed by everything happening. He watches the other man search his belongings until Hongjoong comes up with the lube and one of the condoms Seonghwa keeps, just in case.
The sight of the condom gives Seonghwa an insane idea. He should know better. He does know better. But this is Hongjoong and he’s couldn’t trust anyone in his life more than he trusts this man. Seonghwa is even willing to deal with extra cleanup when they’re finished.
He reaches out for Hongjoong’s upper arm when he takes his place back between Seonghwa’s stretched legs. Hongjoong goes easily when Seonghwa pulls him up to connect their lips. Hongjoong tastes even more like Seonghwa now and it makes him dizzy knowing where these lips had just been. Seonghwa can feel Hongjoong’s dick jump in the sweatpants he is still wearing where it rests beside Seonghwa’s own. He needs to get Hongjoong out of his clothes ASAP. The way he’s managed to remain dressed during this whole thing is starting to drive Seonghwa mad.
“I trust you,” Seonghwa says, breathing against Hongjoong’s lips. Hongjoong quirks an eyebrow. “Don’t use the condom.” Hongjoong’s jaw drops slightly before kissing him again. One of his hands slips up Seonghwa’s torso to grasp at his jaw desperately, angling Seonghwa to kiss him deeper.
“Are you sure?” Hongjoong asks again. It’s then that Seonghwa realizes Hongjoong has asked for his explicit consent every time Seonghwa has said something like this, something that is escalating their situation.
Seonghwa tangles his fingers in Hongjoong’s hair and pulls him back so he can see him clearly. “Imagine how pretty I’d look with your cum leaking out of me.” Hongjoong’s eyelids flutter and he can’t help but drop his forehead to the pillow beside Seonghwa’s. Seonghwa hears him swearing and smirks when he feels Hongjoong’s dick jumping with interest. He wonders if he could get Hongjoong to completely fall apart using just his words. Maybe next time, Seonghwa thinks.
It takes a moment before Hongjoong moves again. He presses kisses and small bites to Seonghwa’s neck before lifting himself back up and surveying the image before him. Seonghwa reaches for Hongjoong’s shirt and tries pulling it up, eager to finally remove Hongjoong’s clothes and get him inside him.
“I want to see you,” Seonghwa says, tugging the shirt up enough that he can get a peek of Hongjoong’s belly. Hongjoong swats Seonghwa’s hand away and removes the shirt himself. Seonghwa can’t help but stare at him. Hongjoong typically hides his form under clothing, but what Seonghwa sees in front of him takes his breath away. He looks so good that Seonghwa can’t help but start to drool. Hongjoong must read the staring wrong, because his eyebrows furrow and he shifts in a way that has Seonghwa worried he’s going to cover himself back up. Seonghwa is confused for a moment.
“Hey,” Seonghwa says, drawing Hongjoong’s attention to him. Hongjoong looks nervous so Seonghwa reaches for his hips to hold him. “You’re beautiful Joongie.” He says, running his hands up Hongjoong’s sides and squeezing his ribs. He tries to pull Hongjoong back down to kiss him, but Hongjoong resists for the first time.
“I’m nothing compared to you,” Hongjoong says and the pain in his voice makes tears immediately spring to Seonghwa’s eyes. He blinks them away and tugs on Hongjoong harder but he resists again, clearly upset.
“Hongjoong, look at me,” Hongjoong obeys, making eye contact with Seonghwa and the uncertainty in his eyes is painful to see. “You have been making me feel so good. Not just physically. You’ve been making me believe that I am beautiful, even if I don’t feel it sometimes.” Hongjoong finally gives in when Seonghwa pulls him down again. Hongjoong’s kiss is slow and filled with a sudden sadness Seonghwa would have never expected.
“If we have to switch places next time and I tell you everything I think about you, I fucking will.” Seonghwa says against Hongjoong’s lips. “Your feelings are not one sided.” Hongjoong shudders against Seonghwa’s lips. Seonghwa gets a hand between them, slipping it down Hongjoong’s belly and past the top of his pants. Despite the sudden emotions, Hongjoong’s erection hasn’t flagged at all. Seonghwa takes it in his hand and strokes him gently. Hongjoong gasps and kisses Seonghwa’s again.
“I love you so much,” Hongjoong moans against Seonghwa’s lips. The blatant confession surprises Seonghwa and his hand stops stroking Hongjoong. He fears Hongjoong reads it wrong because he starts to pull away with a stunned expression on his face.
“Joongie,” Seonghwa says, slowly moving his hand to keep Hongjoong there. “Like I said, your feelings aren’t one sided.” Hongjoong stares at him, face still stunned. “I love you too, you dummy.” Seonghwa says for good measure. Hongjoong squeezes his eyes shut and drops down with his elbows bracketing Seonghwa’s head. Their kiss is filled with years of unknown and confusing feelings coming to light. They kiss until Hongjoong’s hips stutter and he breaks away.
“Sorry for getting insecure,” Hongjoong mutters, pressing his lips to Seonghwa’s cheek. “Can I still fuck you?”
Seonghwa lets out a surprised laugh. “I’d be really mad if you didn’t.” Hongjoong smiles at that and Seonghwa slips his hand out of Hongjoong’s pants so the younger can get them off. He swears when he sees Hongjoong in his full glory and can see the blush hit his ears.
Seonghwa has no idea why Hongjoong is insecure. He honestly never would’ve guessed the other man was the least bit self conscious at all. Hongjoong typically carries himself in a way that is so confident that he must have everyone fooled. But Seonghwa is no stranger to insecurity. He’s battled with his feelings about himself for years, and still does to this day, although not as much as in the past. He vows to let Hongjoong know everything he feels, but for now, Hongjoong is spreading Seonghwa’s legs more, hooking one leg over the crook of his elbow, and reaching down to pump some lube into Seonghwa’s hole.
“Do you still want me to go in bare?” Hongjoong asks breathlessly, eyes flicking between Seonghwa’s eyes and his fingers sinking into his hole again.
“Nothing has changed, Joongie,” Seonghwa says, gasping when Hongjoong finds his prostate. “I want you to tear me apart. I want you to mark me.” Hongjoong’s hand jerks at the words and he lets out a curse before withdrawing and spreading lube on his own dick.
Without another word, Hongjoong guides himself slowly into Seonghwa. Seonghwa throws his head back and gasps again, the feeling of Hongjoong’s dick sinking deeper and deeper just this side of too much. Where Seonghwa’s dick is slightly longer, Hongjoong’s is thicker, and Seonghwa can feel the thickness stretching him apart.
Hongjoong draws Seonghwa’s other leg up, hooking it with his other arm. This new angle has him pressing even deeper inside of Seonghwa and Seonghwa can’t help but groan. Hongjoong pauses when his hips are flat against Seonghwa’s ass, just staring down at where he’s disappeared inside of him. He pulls back slightly before sinking back in and holding.
Hongjoong’s voice is wobbly when he says, “you’re so beautiful stretched around me.” He rocks in and out again, the slow movements sending electricity throughout Seonghwa’s body. “It’s like you were fucking made for me,” he says, staring down at where they’re connected.
“I was,” Seonghwa says, whimpering when Hongjoong presses against his prostate. “I’m all for you, Hongjoong.”
The words spur Hongjoong on and his hips snap roughly, knocking Seonghwa up his bed with the force. He vaguely remembers he has roommates but doesn’t care as his sharp moans increase.
“I want to write a song about how beautiful you sound when my dick is inside you.” Hongjoong says, pulling more moans from Seonghwa’s lips. He can’t help himself. He’s always been a bit on the vocal side, but Hongjoong is drawing even more out of him with how good he’s fucking him.
Hongjoong readjusts, tugging Seonghwa’s legs more in his arms. He essentially folds Seonghwa in half to get to his mouth, sucking some of the sounds from his lips. “Your moans are better than all the music I’ve ever created. I could never imagine making a sound so perfect.” He says between thrusts. Seonghwa’s breath hitches in his throat.
“Shut up.” Seonghwa whines. “I’m going to cum.” Hongjoong carefully lowers one of Seonghwa’s legs so he can get a hand on his dick. Seonghwa should be embarrassed, but he’s not, because as soon as Hongjoong wraps his fingers around Seonghwa’s length, Seonghwa is crying out and painting Hongjoong’s fingers and his own abdomen with ropes of cum.
Hongjoong rocks into Seonghwa and flattens their hips together, pressing himself as deep as he can go, before spilling himself into Seonghwa’s body. Seonghwa’s eyes flutter shut at the feeling of Hongjoong emptying deep within him.
Seonghwa is trying to catch his breath when Hongjoong starts to move again, fucking Seonghwa to the point of overstimulation. Seonghwa is gasping out a soft litany of ah, ah, ahs intermixed with cries of Hongjoong’s name and curses.
When he finally starts to pull out, Hongjoong’s eyes are locked on Seonghwa’s hole where his cum is beginning to seep out of him. Hongjoong locks eyes with Seonghwa before diving in and kissing him, the kiss shockingly hungry for how tired Seonghwa feels. He groans into Hongjoong’s mouth when he feels two of Hongjoong’s fingers dip inside of his hole, fucking the cum back into him.
“Too much,” Seonghwa gasps, trying to squirm away from Hongjoong’s eager fingers. Hongjoong chuckles and pulls them out. Seonghwa curses as he watches Hongjoong sink the same fingers into his own mouth.
“You were right,” Hongjoong says, kissing Seonghwa’s neck. “You look beautiful cumming on my cock.” He swipes another teasing finger through the mess he left in Seonghwa. Seonghwa gasps again. “And you look beautiful with my cum leaking out of you.”
Seonghwa grasps Hongjoong’s hair, making sure Hongjoong is looking at him when he says, “I’m your pretty boy.”
Hongjoong dips down to press a chaste kiss to his lips. “All mine?”
“All yours.” Seonghwa confirms, smiling into the kiss Hongjoong gives him.