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Gray couldn’t imagine how beating Zeref and Acnologia on the same day could feel so hollow, how he couldn’t even give a shit about the cheering and the celebration going on around him as his friends cried and held one another.
Natsu was a few yards ahead of him, holding Lucy and Happy close to his chest as they cried. Over to the side, the Thunder Legion were huddled around each other, surely having a private moment to express how happy they are. The Strauss siblings laid on a pile of rubble, sobbing hysterically in relief.
Gray’s chest twisted and ached. He was alone. All alone.
Juvia was… she wasn’t-
“Gray?” A slight graze against his hand was enough to jolt Gray out of his daze. He blinked rapidly and slowly turned his head to the side. Wendy was standing next to him, squeezing his hand now that he was paying attention, her eyes brimming with tears. “I’m- I’m so sorry. If I just had been a little bit faster, maybe Juvia would-”
Quickly, Gray pulled his hand out of Wendy’s. He used it to ruffle her hair and gave her a weak, meaningless smile. He didn’t bother assuring her any further, didn’t give her some speech about how she did her best. He couldn’t bring himself to do it.
“Let’s head back to the guild, everyone!” Natsu cheered. He was bouncing around like he hadn’t just faced one of the most powerful wizards in the world, smiling and laughing without a care in the world. “We’ll need all hands on deck to fix this mess!”
Resounding cheers and agreements filled the area. People were already making their way towards the guildhall, ignoring their injuries in favor of stepping foot inside the comforting building, but Gray stayed put.
“Juvia?”
Gajeel stumbled over his feet, groaning from his injuries. Levy and Lily quickly caught him by the shoulders, hoisting him up with concerned looks. Gajeel paid them no mind as he continued to frantically search the thinning crowd.
“Juvia!” He said, much louder. His volume earned the attention of whoever was remaining. “Where the hell is Juvia?!”
Gajeel’s frantic eyes eventually landed on Gray. They stared at each other for just a few short seconds before realization dawned on Gajeel. His face, usually so angry and stern, crumbled.
“Oh, fuck,” he gasped. He grabbed onto his chest, taking deep, panicked breaths as his knees gave out. Levy gasped as he fell, almost getting knocked down simply by his weight. “No, no, no. Not Juvia. Fuck, not- not Juvia.”
Gray’s ears rang as he watched everyone else come to the same realization as Gajeel. Lucy held her hands over her mouth, body completely ridgid, while Cana and Erza stared at each other with horrified eyes. Lisanna, who had once been weeping with a smile, was now sobbing on the ground, Elfman and Mirajane holding her comfortingly.
Despite himself, Gray stopped holding back and let himself break. An endless stream of tears rolled down his face, his entire body giving up on him and falling to the ground. He barely caught himself, his fingers scraping the pavement.
The sobs of his friends couldn’t drown out the ringing in his ears, the wave of thoughts racing through his head, and the pained screams he couldn’t stop himself from letting out.
Recovering from the war wasn’t easy.
A lot of lives were lost, more than Gray expected. Most were unfortunate civilians who were unable to evacuate in time, getting caught by Alvarez or in the way of an attack of some sorts. Some were fellow wizards, just not strong enough to handle the never-ending flood of Alvarez soldiers.
Fairy Tail was lucky to be one of the few guilds that lost very few, but that doesn’t mean those numbers didn’t hurt. Gajeel was the only one who managed to escape their demise, leaving him to stand alone amongst Master Makarov and Juvia.
With Makarov gone, it was up in the air on who would be the next guild master. While it was an important issue to address, it wasn’t the most important. Magnolia needed to be rebuilt, not just the guild hall, and it was important to make sure the innocent civilians were able to return home.
You would think that it wouldn’t be too hard, what with all the physical strength Fairy Tail possessed, but that would be ignoring all the injuries. Laxus was completely out of it, both from all his injuries but also from the pain of losing his last family member, and Gajeel was inconsolable now that Juvia was gone.
Gray did his best to help where he could. Compared to most of his guild mates, he wasn’t too injured, he could move around and help carry building materials, but he wasn’t exactly the most sociable. He offered nothing more than a nod of his head or a hum when thanked for his efforts, and any attempt at conversation was cut off, simply by his dead stare.
He started smoking again. It was a bad habit that he managed to kick years and years ago; he didn’t feel a need for nicotine at the time, he was happier and healthier than he had been before. These days, however, Gray needed at least five cigarettes a day to feel like he wasn’t a walking corpse.
Proper funerals for the deceased were held off, at least until the cathedral could be rebuilt and the graveyard could return to its clean and constructed self.
It didn’t rain the day Juvia was buried. All things considered, it was a beautiful day, with clear skies and a steady wind. Gray knew Juvia would have loved it, that she would have dragged him for a hike or a picnic, even just a little walk around Magnolia.
Gray used to grumble, pretending he didn’t love getting out and spending time with Juvia. He desperately wished he told her how much he loved it. He loved holding her hand as they walked up the trail, loved eating whatever she had cooked for him, loved having her arm wrapped around his as they enjoyed the hustle and bustle of the city.
As Gray watched the black coffin with white hydrangeas - Juvia’s favorite flower, the ones that she had carefully grown over the years they had trained together - on top of it be lowered into the ground, he could only faintly feel Erza in his arms as she sobbed.
Vaguely, he could feel her fingernails digging into his shoulder, her tears wetting his shirt, and feel her hair touching his chin. If he tried hard enough, he could focus, listen as his friends sobbed with him, and mourn their fallen friend.
All he heard was ringing. It’s all he wanted to hear.
He wanted to drown the world out. He wanted to be as alone as he felt.
The day Makarov was buried was different. It rained that day, stormed so violently that everyone could only sit inside the cathedral, holding one another as they sobbed. The wind howled and pushed against the trees.
Gray wasn’t much of a religious man; he found it hard to believe that there was something after death, a place where good people could thrive and be with one another. However, that day, as the storm roared and fell upon Magnolia, Gray couldn’t help but believe that it was, in some way, Juvia, crying with them for their lost guild master.
Life, though it seemed unfair, kept moving.
With the full reconstruction of Magnolia, as well as other cities and villages scattered around Fiore, came the slow request of missions. People who didn’t have their own strength or magical abilities to help themselves, to put the final important detail of their rebuilding into action.
Fairy Tail went back to work. The request board became so filled with job requests, that they started putting them on the walls. People worked one at a time, not wanting to push themselves but also wanting their fellow guildmates to have a chance to financially recover.
Gray spent nearly every day working. He would finish one job just to start another, constantly roaming the country as he helped as many people he could. His only moments to himself were the train rides, the walks, and the restless nights he tried to sleep through.
Juvia haunted his dreams. Every time Gray closed his eyes and managed to drift off, she would be there, smiling and holding her hand out for him. He would try to take it, try to hold her and feel her warmth, only for his fingers to pass through her. She wasn’t there.
She wasn’t real.
Their team slowly drifted. Gray refused to work with them, ignoring their requests to join him or to bring him along. With him being gone from the team, everyone else slowly went on their own. Wendy teamed up with the Thunder Legion more often, while Natsu and Lucy went wherever they wanted, Happy tagging along. Erza usually went on her own, taking S-Class jobs; she was even dipping her toes into SS-Class jobs, ones that kept her away for extended periods of time.
Out of everyone in the guild, Gray felt Erza was the only one he could lean on. Gajeel was arguably the only one who could truly relate to the pain Gray was feeling, the true weight of Juvia’s loss, but Gray couldn’t find it in himself to even look at the iron dragon slayer.
Though he never said anything, Gray knew Gajeel blamed him, just a little. He could see it in the way Gajeel hesitated to interact with him, how he always looked at him with narrowed eyes and a frown. How he flinched whenever they ran into each other at Juvia’s grave.
Gray didn’t blame him. He blamed himself, as well. He would lay awake at night, staring at the ceiling as he thought of all the things he could’ve done to save Juvia. He wondered if there was a way to free them from the chains without sacrificing themselves, if he had just waited a few more minutes to think. He tossed and turned as he wished he could go back in time; he wouldn’t have gone after Invel, he would’ve instead carried Juvia in search of Wendy.
He had thought she was dead, that there was no saving Juvia, and in his rage, he had left her. Wendy found her long after, but still tried to save her. From what Carla told him, she almost ran out of magical energy trying to bring Juvia back. The worst of it all, was that she was just minutes late.
There had been a chance, a way to save Juvia, and Gray had left her behind. Those precious minutes were gone, wasted.
It drove him insane. Not literally, but he did spiral. He put sleep off to the side in favor of reading about time magic. If Gray wasn’t working, he was in the guild’s library, surrounded by piles of books and research papers. He read every detail, wrote down whatever he thought could help, and just couldn’t summon the will to stop.
He’d give anything, do anything.
If he could just get those minutes back.
“I need to close up, Gray,” Mira whispered. She was standing in the entry of the library, holding the wooden frame with a guilty look on her face. “I’ve held off as long as I can for you, but I need to go home. You should do the same, get some rest.”
Gray barely looked up at Mira before he looked back down at the book he was reading. He wanted to insist he was fine, maybe even suggest he close the guild tonight, but the words of the page started bleeding together, becoming a mess of ink and graphs.
“I-” Gray closed his eyes shut and gripped the edge of the table. “I just need- I’m so close, Mira,” he insisted. He opened his eyes and wasn’t surprised when tears started rolling down his face. He looked at Mira, eyes wide and pleading.
She just frowned at him. Her eyes were filled with sadness and worry, even pity. “Gray,” she started carefully, finally crossing the threshold of the library. Gray could only watch as Mira approached him, as she walked around the table, and as she reached out to close the book in front of him.
Mira carefully sat down on the table. She held her hand out. After a few seconds, Gray realized she wanted him to take it. Hesitantly, he did, and Mira immediately covered it with her other hand.
“You know time magic is dangerous. It takes years to learn, and more to master. If you try to perform it without the proper practice, you could-”
Gray pulled his hand away from Mira. “I don’t care,” he snapped. He pushed his chair back, standing up so suddenly it knocked over and hit the ground with a clatter. He ignored Mira’s gaze, instead grabbing the book he’d been reading. “I’m taking this home with me.”
Mira sighed heavily. She looked down at her hands and shook her head. “I’m worried about you, Gray. We’re all worried about you. You need…” she hesitated, putting a hand over her mouth as she seemed to debate what to say. “You need help, Gray,” Mira finally said. “I know a therapist-”
“No.”
“A really good therapist. He specializes in grief and-”
“I don’t need a therapist. What I need is this.” Gray held the book up and showed the title to Mira. “I need to learn time magic, I need to know it. If I just get a hang of it, I know I can go back-”
“Gray.”
“I can go back and save her. I can fix everything.”
“Gray.”
“I can do it, Mira. I can bring Juvia ba-”
“Gray!” Mira screamed. She stood up and filled the space between the two of them. Her eyes were shimmering with unshed tears, her face pinched up in a look between agony and anger. She violently grabbed the book from Gray, their grips so tight that the cover ripped a little. “Go home. Go home and sleep and stop looking for solutions that will never work.”
Gray clenched his fists and ground his teeth together. “It can work. It will work.”
Mira slammed the book down onto the table. “Did you forget about Ultear? Don’t you remember what she tried to do for us, what it cost her? She died for one minute. Her life was worth a single minute. What do you think will happen to you if you try to go back months? How can you help Juvia if you’re dead?”
“At least I’ll be with her,” Gray whispered. He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to hold back his tears. He could feel his shoulders starting to shake, his body wanting to release the sobs building up. “At least- at least if I fail, if my life isn’t even worth a second, at least I’ll be with her. I won’t have to keep living without her.”
Before he could pull away, Mira grabbed his shoulder and pulled Gray into a tight embrace. One arm held him around the shoulders, firmly keeping him against her, and ran her fingers through his hair with the other.
It’d been ages since Gray had been hugged, since he allowed himself to be hugged. He knew the second he allowed that vulnerability, the second he let someone hold him, comfort him, he wouldn’t be able to keep himself together.
Gray’s knees buckled before giving out completely. Mira followed him down, making his fall slower and more comfortable, and held him tightly. Gray sobbed into her shoulder, held her arms as she cried, and begged her to let him keep going.
“I can’t keep doing this,” he sobbed, his voice hoarse not just from crying, but from all his sleepless nights and all the cigarettes he smoked. “I can’t keep living without her, Mira. I miss her so much, I can’t live without her. I loved her so much, I loved her so much and I didn’t say anything. I didn’t say- I didn’t tell her- I did-”
Mira kept holding him. She stayed quiet as Gray sobbed, as he cried about all his missed chances, of all the things he could have said and done. Her fingers continued to move through his hair in a weak attempt to comfort him, her arm keeping their bodies pressed together.
“I know,” she whispered, her voice barely audible over Gray’s sobs, “I know, Gray. It’s okay. I’m here, Gray. I’m here.”
Mira eventually convinced Gray to go home. She made him leave his piles of books and notes behind. He helped her clean the rest of the guild, neither of them speaking as they swept and wiped down tables. When the guild was finally cleaned, Gray stumbled his way outside.
It was a warm night. Humid and stuffy.
Gray leaned against the brick of the guild hall. He stared up at the sky as he blindly stuck a hand into his pockets, eventually pulling out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter.
The pack was nearly empty, with just three left. Gray would have to go buy a new pack the next day.
From the corner of his eye, Gray watched Mira lock the doors to the guild. She gave the door a little tug before she turned to him. She looked at the cigarette he had lit, that was now hanging between his lips, and wordlessly reached out.
For a moment, Gray thought she was going to take it out of his mouth. Erza did that a lot whenever she saw Gray smoking, to a point that he just stopped smoking if he knew she was around.
Instead, Mira grabbed a cigarette from the pack, as well as his lighter.
Neither of them said anything as they shared a smoke, leaned up against the empty guild hall, and stared at the night sky.
The last time Gray wore a suit was to a funeral. It sat in his closet collecting dust, waiting to be used again for some kind of special occasion.
Gray was a little surprised to be invited to Ren and Sherry’s wedding; he didn’t know them that well, their interactions being limited to when they worked together to take down Nirvana, and maybe a few words here and there over the years.
Nonetheless, Gray made a point of showing up. If it were up to him, he would have politely declined the invite and maybe would have sent a gift, but Erza had strongarmed him into going, insisting that he needed the social interaction.
He came with Erza as his plus one, silently sitting down in their seats as she mingled before the ceremony started. Normally, Gray would expect to hear whispers about how rude he is, how he shouldn’t have bothered coming if he was going to ignore everyone; instead, he caught the occasional concerned glance, spotted some people slowly approaching Erza to whisper in her ear, to which she would frown deeply and shake her head.
Gray really wished he didn’t come.
The ceremony was most likely beautiful. Gray wasn’t sure, he couldn’t focus for even a second. His mind was too busy thinking about Juvia; she always talked about them getting married, how they would be together forever. Gray used to cringe at the idea of it. He remembered being annoyed at the rumor that he and Juvia had eloped over the one year the guild was disbanded.
Now he wished there had been some truth to it.
Gray didn’t notice when the ceremony ended, only standing up to applaud with everyone else when Erza kicked him in the shin. He put on a fake smile as Ren and Sherry walked down the aisle, arms interlocked as they waved and thanked everyone for showing up.
Gray had hoped that Erza would agree to skipping the reception, but he should have known that she wouldn’t be up for that.
“They went through the trouble of accounting for us. The least we can do is stay long enough to eat dinner.”
As dinner was served and people ate, the speeches were done. Gray stared off into space as various members of Blue Pegasus and Lamia Scale stood in the center of the room, holding a microphone as they talked about memories with the couple, how happy they were.
Gray clapped when others did, smiled weakly whenever the room filled with laughter, and was sure to give Erza a pat on the shoulder when some people started crying due to Chelia’s emotional speech.
Eventually, the speeches came to an end, dinner was cleared away (Gray tried to seem guilty for only eating a few bites), and once Ren and Sherry shared their first dance, everyone started mingling and dancing.
Seeing a chance, Gray got Erza caught up in a conversation with Jura, and slipped out of the building.
The second he was out in the warm summer air, Gray loosened his tie and pulled his pack of cigarettes out. He sighed, feeling the first moment of relaxation since he walked into the building, and flicked his lighter.
“You could try a little harder to look happy.”
Gray didn’t turn around at the new voice. Instead, he lifted his pack of cigarettes in an offering, and nodded his head when Lyon quietly accepted one.
“I’m surprised you even showed up,” he continued, making a face when he took a drag of the cigarette. “You know Ur hated these.”
“If you didn’t want one, you shouldn’t have wasted it,” Gray simply responded. He watched as Lyon dropped the barely used cigarette onto the stone ground and snuffed it out with the sole of his dress shoes. “And Ur isn’t here.”
Lyon closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “I know.” He lifted his hand, revealing a bottle of liquor Gray hadn't noticed. “I thought you could use a drink.”
Gray nodded his head, flicking his half-finished cigarette away as he took the bottle from Lyon. The cap was already loose, which made Gray think Lyon might have swiped it from the open bar.
He took a long swig. The burn on his throat was welcomed and the bitter taste wasn’t too different to his cigarettes.
“Okay, that’s enough,” Lyon snapped. He snatched the bottle away from Gray, spilling a little on his sleeves and onto the ground. “This is still a wedding reception. The last thing we need is you souring the mood more than you already have.”
“If it were up to me, I wouldn’t even be here,” Gray snarled. He chewed at his bottom lip, already craving another cigarette, but he decided not to push his luck with Lyon. He wasn’t in the mood for an argument. “I’d rather be back in Magnolia.”
Lyon clenched his jaw. “Doing what? Rotting away, smoking cigarettes and shutting the outside world out?”
“You know, for someone who claimed to love Juvia so much, you really don’t seem that-”
Gray processed his head snapping to the side before he processed the pain of being socked in the face. He stumbled over, catching himself against the wall, and cradled his face. His mouth was bleeding; he probably bit his tongue.
Lyon grabbed Gray by the collar, pulling him in and forcing him to look at him. His face was twisted up in what Gray could only describe as agony; his eyes were wet with tears and his shoulders were shaking.
“Don’t you dare say I don’t care!” He screamed. “Do you really think I want to be here?! Do you think I want to watch Ren and Sherry get married when I would much rather be watching Juvia get married?! Do you have any idea how much it hurts knowing she died before she could get what she always wanted?!”
Lyon slammed Gray against the wall. Gray winced as the stones scraped against the nape of his neck, his hands aching from the failed attempt to catch himself. Deep down, Gray knew he had the strength to fight Lyon back, to give him a run for his money and maybe break something.
He didn’t want to fight back. He wanted this. He wanted to be beaten and screamed at.
“Why couldn’t you have just been honest?! You knew how you felt about her! You knew and you never said anything to her! The least you could have done was let her die happy!”
Gray squeezed his eyes shut. He weakly reached up and grabbed one of Lyon’s wrists.
“I wish she picked you,” he whispered, barely able to hear himself over the ringing in his ears.
Lyon narrowed his eyes and leaned in closer. “What?”
“I wish she'd picked you!” Gray screamed. He finally shoved Lyon away, too distressed to take satisfaction in the way he stumbled. “If she was with you, she would have been safe! She would have been in Hargeon, with you, away from the fight! If she just- if I just pushed a little harder, then maybe she would have picked you.”
The tears Gray had been fighting off all day finally beat him. He crumpled to the ground, covering his face as he sobbed into his hands, his chest feeling heavy.
After a few seconds, Gray felt Lyon’s arm pressed up against his own. He tapped the side of his face with the bottle, and Gray accepted it after taking a few seconds to compose himself. At least, as much as he could.
“I’m glad she didn’t pick me,” Lyon mumbled. His face was wet with his own tears, his lip bleeding from biting it. “It wouldn’t have made her happy. You made her happy.” He took the bottle from Gray and took his own swig. “I’m… sorry, for saying that she didn’t die happy. I know that- I know that she was content just being with you. I’m sure just being with you before she died made her happy.”
“How do you do it? How do you go out and smile and just… look like your world isn’t ruined? You got up there and made a speech, talked about love and joy and didn’t even look like you were dying.” Gray, in a moment he would take to his grave, let his head fall to the side and on Lyon’s shoulder. “I can’t even go grocery shopping without feeling like I’m having a heart attack.”
Lyon didn’t say anything for a few seconds. He took a few more drinks from the bottle before setting it to the side and taking a deep inhale. “I’m not as strong as you think I am, Gray. I miss her, I miss her every single day, but I know… I know she would want me to be happy. She was always selfless like that, and wanted everyone to be happy even if she wasn’t.”
Gray couldn’t help but smile a little. “Yeah, she was. How do you know so much about her?”
“Believe it or not Gray, but I can be a nice person to talk to,” Lyon pinched Gray’s thigh, “and Juvia and I would get lunch sometimes. I never read too deep into it, though. I knew she only had feelings for you.”
“I didn’t know that.”
“Well, I’m sure you never asked.”
They stayed like that for a long time; taking turns drinking from the bottle, occasionally talking about Juvia, or just sitting in silence. The whole time, Gray never lifted his head from Lyon’s shoulder, and he never shrugged it off.
Through the doors and walls, Gray could hear the reception still going. By now, Erza probably noticed he was missing, and either because she was having too much fun or because she knew Gray didn’t want to come in, she never came to find him.
Gray slowly blinked. His face was warm from the alcohol, his body the most relaxed it’d been in months, and he was keenly aware of Lyon leaning against him. His cologne smelled strong, invading Gray’s senses.
“Lyon.”
“Yes, Gray?”
“M’about to do something… really stupid. Try not to hate me?”
Lyon hummed. “I think we both know I can’t hate you no matter how hard I’ve tried.”
Gray laughed weakly. He lifted his head, becoming very aware of just how much alcohol he drank, and turned to look at Lyon. His childhood friend was already looking at him, his face also flushed.
Without giving it too much thought, Gray reached out and pulled Lyon into a sloppy, uncoordinated kiss.
It only took a few seconds to feel Lyon’s hand in his hair, pulling him in closer, and his lips moving against Gray’s own. It was sloppy and objectively bad, but Gray just found himself leaning in for more.
He buried his nails into the nape of Lyon’s neck while his other hand worked at pulling off the jacket of his suit. Lyon followed Gray’s lead, shrugging off his jacket before moving to do the same to him.
Lyon’s hands were hot against Gray’s exposed skin, igniting something deep within him that encouraged him to lick at the seam of Lyon’s lips. He deepened the kiss eagerly when Lyon gave him the chance to do so.
“Gray, Wendy told me you were out- what the hell are you doing?”
Gray and Lyon were quick to pull away from each other, and Lyon was even faster to grab his suit jacket and stand up. He faced Erza, his face flushed and eyes wide in mortification. Gray silently watched as Lyon mumbled an apology and awkwardly walked into the building.
Erza didn’t spare him a single glance, too busy staring holes into Gray’s head.
“What are you doing, Gray?”
Gray shrugged his shoulders. He picked up the bottle Lyon had left behind and tried to take another drink of it. Before he could even lift it, though, the bottle shattered, glass and alcohol getting everywhere.
Erza was holding one of her swords, the blade dripping with the alcohol. Her glare was dark; normally, it would make Gray cower and apologize, but all he could feel was a heaviness in his chest.
“Gray,” Erza repeated, sounding far more stern, “what the hell are you doing.”
“Having fun,” Gray finally snapped, “isn’t that the whole reason you dragged me here? To have fun?”
“That-” Erza pointed over her shoulder, “wasn’t you having fun. That was you doing something you’re going to regret in the morning. That was you doing an awful job at coping with everything.”
Gray stumbled to stand on his feet. He was suddenly aware of how much he had drunk, the world tilted somewhat to the side. He pressed a hand against the wall for some stability and squeezed his eyes shut.
Erza reached out and grabbed Gray. He said nothing as she rearranged him, letting him lean his weight against her as she slung his arm over her shoulders and started walking.
Gray’s steps were uncoordinated and he stumbled more than he’d like to admit. Erza didn’t say anything about it, simply helped Gray upright himself and get back on pace.
He wasn’t sure where she was taking them; the train, an inn, or just having him walk some laps before taking him back to the reception.
“Gray, I want to help you,” Erza said after maybe ten minutes of silence. “Everyone wants to help you. We want you to get better, but you keep pushing us away. You’re not just hurting yourself, but you’re hurting others.”
Gray bobbed his head up and down. Not so much in understanding, but a sign that he was conscious enough to hear what Erza was saying. She seemed to understand this and sighed heavily.
She adjusted her hold on Gray so their sides were flush and his head was leaning against her soft hair. He’d never been so close to Erza, at least not in these past few years, and he’d never noticed the vanilla scent of her shampoo.
“Are you still researching time magic?”
Gray hummed, confirming the question. Mira wasn’t letting him in the guild library anymore, recruiting Laxus to help keep him out, so he started visiting the local Magnolia library. It had way less material about time magic, but it was open 24/7 and the staff never told Gray he was wasting his time.
Even if he didn’t have the library, there was his living room, filled to the brim with books, research papers, firsthand accounts, and various sloppy notes. Thrown around were sloppy replicas of time magic circles.
“I’m-” Erza started. She took a moment to consider her words, which allowed Gray the chance to gather some of his composure. He was still stumbling over himself like a newborn calf, but he could keep his eyes open long enough to take in his surroundings. “They want to make me guild master.”
Gray blinked rapidly, his drunk mind not prepared for the sudden shift in subject. He took a few minutes to wrack his brain and make sure his tongue wasn’t too big for his mouth. “That’s… good?” He finally offered. “We still don’t have a guild master?”
“Technically, we put Gildarts down for the paperwork, but it was only a temporary solution. He’s not around nearly enough to be our guild master, and Macao is…”
It was an unspoken agreement amongst the guild. They don’t talk about it, don’t even acknowledge it. Lest they want to upset Romeo. However, everyone knew Macao didn’t have much longer; his mind was slipping, he was forgetting things and becoming more aggressive when it was pointed out.
“Do you even wanna be guild master?” Gray asked.
Erza shrugged lightly. “I don’t know. Part of me feels honored that everyone trusts me so much, but the other feels like I’m too young for such a heavy responsibility. I’m not sure how Sting does it.”
“It’s probably easier for him,” Gray mumbled, his eyelids back to being too heavy, “he doesn’t exactly have the best example to live up to.”
Erza laughed, though it was strained and weak.
“Gray.”
“Hm?”
“You know I love you? That we love you?”
Gray turned his head. In his mind, he was turning to look at Erza’s face, but instead bumped his nose into her head. He didn’t bother to change his position.
“Yeah, I know,” he said, words a little muffled from his face being buried in Erza’s head. She shrugged one of her shoulders, forcing Gray a little back. “Yeah, I know,” he repeated.
“Then let us help you. I can’t keep watching you hurt yourself like this.”
Gray grunted. “M’not… hurting my…self.” His words were getting harder to say, his knees feeling the weakest they had the whole night. He could feel his body getting lower, and heard Erza’s grunt as she tried to keep him up. “I just need to… bring her… back.”
Erza let Gray fall to the ground, though the blow wasn’t as hard as he was expecting it to be.
“What am I going to do with you?” She asked, her voice shaky.
Gray forced his eyes open. His heart twisted in guilt at what he saw: Erza staring down at him, her lips quivering and tears rolling down her cheek. Watching Erza cry was never easy; she was such an unbreakable force, someone you could look upon and trust to never falter.
“Don’t cry, Erza,” Gray whispered. It was the only volume he could manage. “Don’t worry ‘bout me. I’m gonna… fix everything.”
Erza sniffled. “You don’t need to fix anything,” she whispered, “you need to let us help you.”
Gray just hummed. He dozed off to the sound of his ears ringing and Erza’s sniffles.
Gray swiped away the leaves on Juvia’s grave, managing a weak smile now that he could look down at the marble plaque. The words engraved were still nice and clean, easy to read.
Here lies Juvia Lockser; friend, family, wizard, and forever missed. May the love she held for everyone around her never die.
Levy had been the one to write it.
“How are you doing, Juvia?” Gray whispered.
He sat down in front of the grave, putting down the bouquet of flowers he had brought, and switched them out for the older one. The flowers had wilted and Gray absentmindedly picked at the petals.
The local flower store started to recognize Gray, always having his usual bouquet of white, blue, and purple hydrangeas ready for him. They would coo and compliment the choice, talking about how lucky Gray’s girlfriend was to be receiving flowers this often.
Every time, he would smile, and tell them that he was the lucky one.
“I know it’s been a bit since I’ve come around,” Gray continued, “but I’ve been busy. I’m close, Juvia. I promise, I’ll bring you back. Then we can be together again. I’ll tell you how I feel, how much you mean to me. I’ll make sure to tell you I love you every day.”
“You should have done that when she was still alive,” a biting tone broke through the peaceful silence of the cemetery.
Gray looked over his shoulder and couldn’t help but be surprised when he saw Jellal and Meredy. They were wearing their blue Crime Sorciere cloaks, but their usual outfits underneath were swapped out for black formal attire. Jellal wore a sleek black suit, while Meredy wore a black dress that went all the way down to her shins. In both of their arms were bouquets of flowers.
Jellal gave Meredy a brief glance and a light shake of his head before turning his attention back to Gray. “We came to pay our respects. We apologize for not attending the funeral, but there were too many people who could recognize us.”
Gray shook his head. “Don’t worry about it.” He scooted a bit to the side, allowing Jellal and Meredy room to stand in front of Juvia’s grave. “Does Erza know you’re in town?”
“Not yet,” Jellal mumbled, leaning down to set his flowers down, “but I’ll be looking for her soon. I have some things I’d like to share with her.”
Meredy didn’t say anything. She sat down on her knees, biting harshly into her bottom lip as she looked at Juvia’s grave. She reached out and ran her fingers along the headstone before moving further down to touch the plaque.
“She was so beautiful,” Meredy whispered. “She saved me. She made life worth… living.” She looked straight down, her bangs falling just right to cover her face, but Gray could still see the wave of tears running down her face. “What’s the point of living, Jellal? What’s my purpose without Juvia and Ultear?”
Jellal reached down and held Meredy’s shoulder. “Don’t say such things, Meredy. There are many things worth living for, more than you may understand.”
Gray watched, feeling like he was invading.
After a few seconds of Jellal holding Meredy, he turned his attention to Gray. “I understand that you’ve been studying time magic.”
Immediately, Gray narrowed his eyes. “So Erza does know you’re in town. She sent you to talk to me.”
“Not exactly,” Jellal pulled out a crumpled piece of paper and unfolded it. He showed it to Gray, showing a sloppily written letter. He just barely recognized it as Erza’s handwriting, and was a little surprised she actually had managed to write something comprehensible. “She wrote me a letter and asked me to speak with you.”
Gray’s frown deepened. “You can’t talk me out of this.”
“Gray, time magic is extremely danger-”
“How selfish can you be?!” Meredy screamed. She snapped her head to look at Gray, her tear-stained face twisted up in rage. She was squeezing her nails into her knees, her entire body shaking like a leaf. “You’re so willing to give up your life despite Juvia giving her own for it?! She killed herself so you can keep living, and you have the nerve to throw it away?! Did her sacrifice mean nothing?!”
“I’m not throwing anything away,” Gray snapped, “I’m getting the hang of it. I know I can do it. I’ll be able to go back, I’ll be able to save her.”
“Not without giving up your own life,” Jellal interjected. “Gray, I’m sure I don’t have to remind you what happened to Ultear, what she lost trying to move back time. She wouldn’t have wanted you to do-”
Gray shot up to his feet and grabbed Jellal by the collar. “I don’t care,” he snapped, “I don’t care what anyone else would have and does want. This is about Juvia. I will get her back, I will-”
Meredy shoved Gray away from Jellal, nearly toppling him over a headstone behind him.
“If Ultear’s life was only worth one second, what makes you think your life is worth anything more?!” She shrieked. “So you have regrets?! So what?! We all have regrets! I regret not taking Juvia away from you, not having her join Jellal, Ultear, and me! I should have kept her safe, but I didn’t! Now she’s gone and I have to live with it! Just like you have to live with yourself, knowing you could have told her how you feel!”
Jellal grabbed both of Meredy’s shoulders, holding her close to his chest as she tried to charge at Gray. She was sobbing hysterically, her palms bleeding from how hard she dug her nails into the skin, but she looked ready to slaughter Gray.
“Gray, please,” Jellal whispered, “don’t continue down this path. It will only lead to your death. More misery for your guild, for your family. We don’t need another body to bury.”
Gray snarled. “What the hell do you know? You’ve spent your whole life hurting Erza, making her feel like she can never have you around because you’re too busy making up for your sins. All you do is wander around and show up whenever you please.”
Gray could see in Jellal’s body language that he hit a nerve. A very sensitive one. One so sensitive that his grip briefly loosened on Meredy, thus giving her the chance to escape and tackle Gray to the ground.
For such a skinny little thing, Meredy was determined to hurt Gray as much as she could. She scratched at him, punched his chest, maybe even bit him. It was all a blur, one that ended just as fast as it started.
Jellal had both his arms wrapped around Meredy, holding her by the waist so he could lift her off the ground. She kicked her feet, managing to hit Gray’s shoulder with her heel, and screamed at Jellal to let her go.
“You’re supposed to live for the people you love!” She screamed, her body going limp as she started sobbing again. “That’s what she told me. That’s what Juvia said to me when- when I was willing to die for Ultear. I was going to die for her, but Juvia- she was- I can’t live like this!”
Carefully, Jellal put Meredy back down. The second her feet were planted, she collapsed to the ground, burying her face into her knees as she sobbed.
Jellal quickly swiped at his face, and Gray realized he was crying. He couldn’t judge him too much, as tears were also starting to fall from his eyes.
“I can’t stop you from pursuing this,” Jellal finally said, “all I can do is warn you. You’re doing nothing but walking yourself to the slaughter. Meredy is right, Juvia died so you could live. Do not waste that.”
Gray’s chest burned with the need to keep arguing, to scream until Jellal and Meredy understood that he would never give up. He would try until his dying breath.
Instead, he turned towards Juvia’s headstone. He gave it a small pat and smiled weakly. “I’ll be back,” he promised, “just wait a little longer for me.”
Jellal looked down, his mouth twisted with concern, while Meredy continued to sob.
“We’re going on a job together.”
Natsu’s tone left no room for argument and he pinned Gray down with a determined stare.
“Go with Lucy,” was Gray’s immediate response.
He went back to scribbling on the piece of paper in front of him. His magic circles were getting better, but he was still struggling with the more complicated strokes.
Natsu snatched the pen from Gray’s hand, burning it to ash without so much as a blink. He continued to stare at Gray, like he was waiting for him to do something about it, and Gray almost wanted to.
Instead, he pulled a second pen from his pocket.
“Gray,” Natsu snapped. He slammed the job request flier down on top of Gray’s paper. “We’re going on this job. Together. You and me. No one else, and you’re going to hate it and we’re going to yell at each other, and then we’ll fight.”
Rather than respond to anything Natsu said, Gray’s eyes zeroed in on something new. The silver band wrapped around Natsu’s ring finger, one that definitely wasn’t there a few weeks ago.
“What the hell is that?” He asked, pointing down at the unfamiliar piece of jewelry. The entire time Gray has known Natsu, he never once saw him wear jewelry, let alone a piece that could get in the way of his fire. “You a ring guy now?”
“No, you asshole,” Natsu snapped. “I asked Lucy to marry me.”
That was finally enough to get Gray’s full attention. He dropped his pen in surprise and looked at Natsu with wide eyes.
“You asked Lucy to marry you? Did you guys even date first?”
Natsu crossed his arms over his chest. “Why does that matter? I love her, way more than anyone thinks, and I want to be with her forever. I’ve told her that so many times but she never got it, so I just asked her to marry me.”
Gray’s jaw stayed dropped, his eyes wide open. There were a lot of feelings stirring inside of him, and he was ashamed to admit that one of them was jealousy. Jealousy that Natsu could marry the woman he loves, be with her till they die.
He pushed it aside in favor of smiling. “Congrats, man. Really. I’m happy for you guys.”
“You fucking better be,” Natsu mumbled. He picked up the flier once more and waved it in Gray’s face. “Now come with me willingly before I make a scene.”
Gray sighed heavily and looked down at his paper. He debated if it was worth it, to deny Natsu and watch as he did everything he could to get Gray up. He knew Natsu had almost no shame, especially inside the guild hall.
His legs were kind of stiff from sitting for so long.
“Alright, you win,” Gray mumbled, stacking his papers and setting them off to the side. Everyone knew better than to touch them, knowing Gray would pop a blood vessel if even one page was out of place. “What’s the job?”
Natsu beamed at Gray, excitedly telling him about the job. It was a classic; some dark guild was terrorizing a village and they needed some strong wizards to save them. The reward was promising, and the village was willing to give them a place to sleep if they finished the job successfully.
As Gray walked alongside Natsu towards the guild hall doors, he picked up on some whispers around him.
“Is he actually going on a job with Natsu?”
“When was the last time Gray smiled like that?”
“Someone tell Erza, she’ll be so happy.”
It was a little embarrassing, maybe a touch insulting, to have everyone talking about Gray going on a job with Natsu, even more that people wanted to tell Erza. He let it go, though, and focused back on Natsu.
“First, though,” the dragon slayer said, “we need to take a detour.”
“To?”
“Lucy. You need a haircut.”
Gray reached up and touched his hair. It was a lot longer than it used to be, a length he wasn’t used to, but he hadn't been very concerned about it. It was reaching down to his shoulders and was sticking up in random places.
He had been ready to deny the need for a haircut, let alone let it get in the way of a job, but even Gray had to admit this wasn’t a good look for him. Therefore, he silently let Natsu lead him down the familiar streets to Lucy’s apartment.
Gray looked around the area that was once so familiar to him. It had changed, subtly enough that it wouldn’t have been noticeable months ago, but they were startling to Gray, who hadn’t even glanced at this area since… well.
The stones underneath were a new pattern, not just grey, but a nice terracotta shade. The river running along the side of the road was a little wider, giving more room to the boats floating by. The bridge had been changed to a wooden one, though it looked sturdy as ever.
The final change was the smallest. Hanging outside of Lucy’s apartment window was a flower bed, overflowing with various flowers. There were whites, purples, and blues, with a little pink highlight.
The window was open and Lucy was leaning out, watering the flowers. She had changed drastically, and Gray felt ashamed for not taking the time to realize it.
Lucy’s silky blonde hair was cut all the way up to the end of her neck. Her face, neck, arms, and hands were littered with tiny scars, all hard to see unless you were squinting or seeing her for the first time in ages. What Gray focused on most, however, was the beautiful gold engagement ring on her finger.
Lucy eventually noticed the two men approaching. She looked at Gray with wide eyes, and he couldn’t even blame her for being so surprised to see him, but her expression quickly turned into a beautiful smile.
“Gray!” She called from above. “It’s so good to see you!”
Gray laughed, a little awkward. “Yeah, same to you.”
Natsu nodded his head to the front door. They walked inside and up the stairs in silence, Natsu confidently strolling into Lucy’s- Gray supposed it was also his apartment now. The brief thought was confirmed when Gray walked inside and saw various decorations he knew used to be in Natsu and Happy’s little cottage.
Lucy walked out from the bedroom, her smile still present.
“Hey, baby,” Natsu whispered. He grabbed Lucy’s hips and pulled her in close, placing a soft kiss to her lips.
Gray always found the idea of Natsu being in a romantic relationship laughable. He was such a thick-headed idiot, always focused on becoming a stronger wizard and finding Igneel. However, now that he was seeing it, watching how Natsu held Lucy so tenderly, how he looked at her like she hung the moon and the stars, he felt like Natsu had never been in a more perfect position.
“Natsu,” Lucy whispered. She placed a hand on Natsu’s chest, a weak attempt to put some space between them. She glanced nervously at Gray, her eyes filled with worry and pity. “Not in front of Gray.”
“It’s okay,” Gray assured. He closed the door behind him and fully entered. “I like what you’ve, uh, done with the place. Feels a lot more… domestic.”
He was being far too stiff. Natsu and Lucy were some of Gray’s best friends; talking to them used to be so easy, the three of them bouncing off of each other perfectly. They could talk for hours - they had talked for hours before, through the night while they camped or as they sat around the guild hall.
It’d been a while since Gray even thought about that.
“You can thank Natsu for that. He’s surprisingly good at interior design.”
Natsu nodded his head before walking off to the kitchen. Gray watched as he worked around without any hesitation, pulling out pots and pans along with some ingredients.
Gray looked at a nearby clock and realized it was noon. With that realization came a loud growl from his stomach.
“When was the last time you ate?” Lucy asked. Her voice was thick with concern as she reached out. Her soft fingertips touched Gray’s jaw, lightly turning his head towards her. “You look so pale, Gray.”
Gray’s immediate reaction was to pull away. He felt like snapping, insisting he was okay and that coming here was a mistake. Instead, he stayed put, staring into Lucy’s eyes as she examined his face.
“I-” he started. It was like his body had been waiting for this very moment to react, his lack of sleep and food hitting him like a ton of bricks. His head was pounding, his eyelids growing heavy, and he almost stumbled into Lucy if it wasn’t for a nearby counter to grab onto. “I don’t- I don’t know.”
Lucy grabbed Gray’s face with both her hands, forcing him once again to look into her eyes. “Gray, listen to me,” she whispered, “I know things for you have been rough. Worse than rough, but I’m not going to let you keep doing this. Forget whatever job Natsu wanted to take you on, you need rest.”
Gray felt like a corpse as Lucy pulled his jacket off. He let her lead him into the living room, let her sit him down on the couch so she could help him remove his shoes, and she even let him push him down so he was lying down.
Lucy stared down at Gray, her frown deep and her eyes filled with tears.
“I miss her, too,” she whispered. She grabbed a nearby blanket, unfolding it so she could throw it on top of Gray. “She was such a good friend, even though we had our troubles.” Lucy sat down on her knees, grabbing hold of Gray’s hand. “Gray, she loved you so much, and she would want you to keep living.”
Gray wanted to argue. He wanted to scream and beg Lucy to let him leave. He thought about his papers at the guild hall, his almost-perfect magic circles. Those thoughts slowly faded out, being replaced with memories of Juvia. Smiling at him, holding his hands, and hugging him.
“Sleep, Gray. We’ll be right here when you wake up. Sleep.”
And for the first time in months, Gray did as he was told, and closed his eyes.
Like always, he dreamed of Juvia.
They were sitting outside of their little home, the same one they lived at while they trained. The table they were sitting at was covered in cards and drinks; this was a rare break of theirs, one that Juvia had finally managed Gray to take.
“Have any threes?” Juvia asked.
Gray pretended to inspect his hand before handing over the three of hearts.
Juvia cheered as she added the card to her stack, slamming down the pair of threes she finally collected. Gray smiled at her, not caring that he had just lost the game for the fifth time in a row.
“I love you.”
Gray felt the words on his tongue. He felt his mouth move as he tried to say them out loud. He watched as Juvia didn’t react, unable to hear what Gray was trying to say. She just collected their cards and started shuffling them.
“I love you,” he tried again. Still, no sound came out.
Frantic, Gray reached his hand out and tried to grab Juvia’s wrist. The second his fingers wrapped around her soft skin, time seemed to freeze. Gray was stuck in silence for what felt like hours, forced to watch Juvia’s frozen expression of surprise, mid shuffle.
“Please,” Gray said, his words finally audible, but there was no one to hear them. “Juvia, I love you.”
Gray woke with a gasp, feeling like he’d been punched in the gut.
Natsu and Lucy startled from where they sat on the nearby loveseat. Lucy was holding a book, pink reading glasses perched on her nose, while Natsu sat with his arm wrapped around her. Happy was sleeping comfortably at the edge of the cushion, snoozing without a care in the world.
“You’re awake,” Natsu simply said.
Gray frantically looked around the room. The sun was still up, but it was clear a lot of time had passed since he fell asleep. He could smell the coffee they had brewed, two empty cups on their coffee table, as well as the faint smell of lunch.
As Gray tried to compose himself from his dream, Lucy got up from the couch and made her way into the kitchen. Natsu walked over to Gray and took the blanket off of him, a gesture Gray appreciated, considering how sweaty he felt.
“Feeling okay?” He asked. He sloppily folded the blanket and tossed it over the arm of the couch. He sat down and grabbed onto Gray’s shoulder, grounding him as he started breathing evenly. “Lucy told me not to wake you up.”
Gray looked at Natsu, his eyes wide. “I-” he gasped, “I don’t- I don’t know. I don’t- I saw her. We were- we were playing cards, and I tried to tell her- I tried, Natsu, but she couldn’t- I couldn’t tell- fuck.”
Natsu pulled Gray closer, staying silent as Gray softly cried.
“I couldn’t tell her.”
“Oh.”
“Hey.”
Gray shifted awkwardly as Gajeel stared at him. Neither of them seemed sure on what to do, both of them holding bouquets of flowers. Juvia’s grave stood between them, a heavy reminder of why they haven’t spoken in quite some time.
Gajeel was the first to move. He took the remaining steps and turned so he was facing Juvia’s grave. He crouched down, setting the flowers down, and smiled weakly at the headstone.
“Should I leave?” Gray asked. Deep down, he didn’t want to, but he felt the need to ask. It was the least he could do, considering his and Gajeel’s stiff relationship. “I can come back.”
“No, don’t leave,” Gajeel said with a shake of his head. “She wouldn’t want me to make you leave.”
Assured, Gray joined Gajeel on the ground, adding his own flowers.
It was silent for a really long time. Every time Gray thought about saying something, he decided against it. All he could think of was Gajeel the day he found out; he had cried, harder than anyone had ever seen him, and cursed and screamed.
“Growing up, I always wanted a sister,” Gajeel suddenly said, startling Gray. “Metalicana would always tell me I was too much to handle, that I would probably drive a sister up the wall. Then he left, and I was alone. Phantom Lord… it didn’t mean much to me. Just a place to make some money and get away with all my shitty actions.”
Gray just looked at Gajeel in silence.
“Juvia knew me better than I knew myself. She cared about me when I wanted everyone to hate me. You know, she’s the one who asked Makarov to find me. If it wasn’t for her… I’d probably be dead, or living on the side of the road.”
“I didn’t know that,” Gray whispered. “I knew that you guys were close, I just didn’t know it went that far back. I thought you guys only started bonding once you joined Fairy Tail.”
Gajeel shook his head. “Nah. She was always there for me, even when I treated her like shit. I don’t really know why she put up with me. We had a lot more in common than most people think we did.”
Gray smiled at that. “Almost had a heart attack the first time she played music for me.”
It was weak, but Gajeel’s laugh split through the awkwardness. “You know, she got me into heavy metal, and she’s the reason I grew my hair out. She said I looked cool, or something.”
“Think she was setting you up?”
“I think so, but Levy says she’ll kill me if I try to cut my hair.”
Gray hummed. He finally tore his eyes away from Juvia’s headstone so he could get a good look at Gajeel. His eye bags were better, and he looked a lot more well-rested than Gray. There was still this unmistakable tiredness in him, though, his expression a little too stiff.
“Gajeel, you know I’m so-”
“You didn’t do anything,” Gajeel interrupted. “I thought you did, for a while. I wanted someone to blame, someone alive. I thought that if I blamed you, I would feel better about myself.”
“Huh?”
“I wanted to protect her,” Gajeel whispered, “I wanted Juvia to be safe. I felt- I feel like shit, for not being with her. For so long, all we had was each other, and I couldn’t even be there when she died. Just thinking about it, about how I’ll never see her again, it made me so mad.”
Gray shook his head. “It is my fault.”
“No, it’s not,” Gajeel argued. He turned his head and stared into Gray’s eyes. His lips turned up into the smallest of smiles. It didn’t look strained or forced. “Thank you, for being with her. If I couldn’t be with her when she died, I’m glad it was you.”
“I could’ve done better. I should’ve done better.”
“We should have done a lot of things.” Gajeel shrugged. “I should have done a lot of things, but I didn’t. Now, all I can do is make sure I don’t take anything for granted. When I thought I was going to die, it was the scariest thing that had ever happened to me. The idea of losing the future… God, it was awful. Now I’m here, with Levy and Lily and our kids-” Gajeel’s voice cracked, and he covered his mouth as little tears started to pour.
“It fucking sucks that she’s not here,” Gajeel continued, “and it’s gonna keep me up at night. I think a part of me will always think about her, no matter what I’m doing. She would have loved being an aunt.”
Gray nodded his head slowly. “She would have loved to be a mother.”
Gajeel shook his head. “Don’t do that. Don’t think about what she would have-” he laughed a little, “I guess I just did that, huh? Let’s stop doing that. Let’s stop talking about what she would have loved, what could have been. Let’s just… talk about what she did do.”
“I think- I think I can do that.”
Gajeel smiled once again. He turned his head to the headstone. With a shaking voice, Gajeel said, “You hear that, Juvia? We’re finally getting along.”
“Are you sure you want to do this?”
“No,” Gray was quick to answer. He stared down at the stack of papers in his hands, as well as the papers everyone else was holding. “No, I’m not sure. I don’t think I’ll be sure for a really long time.”
Erza grabbed Gray’s wrist. “You don’t have to do this. I know this research means a lot to you.”
Gray nodded.
Months worth of studying sat in his hands. His desperate handwriting, scribbling down notes and practicing magic circles. All the possibilities of how he could perform certain spells, all with the same end goal in mind.
His eyes slid up, looking at the crackling fire.
One by one, Gray looked at his friends. Lucy and Natsu stood on his other side, looking at him with encouraging stares. Erza was still holding onto him, her grip firm but comforting.
Gajeel and Levy were right across from him. Gajeel had arm wrapped around Levy, keeping her close while his large hand sat on top of her stomach, just barely round.
Wendy was already tearing up. Her little hands shook as she held tightly onto her own stack of papers. She sniffled weakly and looked up at Gray. She managed a weak, quivering smile, and a small nod of her head.
Mira was holding a book close to her chest, lips quivering as she waited for Gray to tell it was okay.
Jellal and Meredy were hanging back in the shadows, barely visible from the fire’s glow. Meredy had her arms protectively wrapped around herself, looking at Gray with a cautious gaze, while Jellal kept a comforting hand on her shoulder.
Slowly, Gray nodded his head. “I want to do this,” he whispered, “I need to do this. For her. For what she gave me.”
Erza nodded her head.
“Do you want to go first?”
Gray opened his mouth. He wanted to say yes, to just get it over with, but he knew better.
“No. I need you guys to do it first. I need everything else gone.”
Everyone stayed silent. One by one, they tossed the papers or books they held into the flame. Gray watched as the papers burned, withering away and curling in on themselves.
When it was finally his turn, everyone else empty handed as they gathered closer around him, Gray reached his hand out. He held the papers just above the flame, perfectly out of reach.
Lucy leaned against Gray’s shoulder, while Natsu and Erza held his back. Wendy’s arms were wrapped around his torso in a back-hug, her tears wetting his shirt. Gajeel caught his eyes, holding eye contact with Gray as he nodded his head in support.
Mira was the first brave enough to speak. “It’s okay, Gray,” she whispered, “you’ll be okay.”
“Yeah,” Gray mumbled.
He squeezed his eyes shut and let go. He listened to the papers flutter in the air before being consumed by the fire. He kept his eyes shut until the fire dimmed down, until everything they had thrown in was simply ash.
Upon opening his eyes, Gray was met with Meredy standing right in front of him.
She stared deeply into his eyes. Her eyes were rimmed red, her face covered with tear-stains, but the fury Gray had seen before was gone. Snuffed out much like the fire behind her.
“Thank you,” she whispered.
“It’s what she would have wanted.”
Gray managed the weakest of smiles. He still felt heavy, like the world was caving in on him. His mouth itched with the need for a cigarette. His heart felt hollow and twisted.
However, he felt the warmth of Lucy, Natsu, Erza, and Wendy’s hands on his back and shoulders. He could hear their breathing, a promise that they were with him; they were there for him.
“You live for the ones you love, right?”