Work Text:
As they turned off the stream, Dan looked down at the stupid Dune popcorn bucket, his eyes crinkling with joy.
“Can't believe you actually got it for me.”
“I don't think our children would have ever forgiven the phivorce if I didn't. Besides, it's not the only thing I got you.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah! Hang on, let me…”
He wandered off to go and find the other present, leaving Dan to do the final bits of work for properly shutting the stream down and double-checking everything was off.
Phil re-entered the office holding a slightly tattered paper bag, a child-like grin adorning his face.
Dan snorted a laugh. “Shame to ruin the beautiful wrapping,” he said as he took the bag from Phil's hands.
“Is all the plastic killing the whales or not, Danny?”
He rolled his eyes, reached into the bag, and found a spa in a jar set for… couples?
Dan had started buying these kinds of things as a treat for himself between the legs of the WAD tour. Sometimes he would even text Phil to order him one on the last couple of days before he came back home so he could have it ready almost as soon as he stepped through the door. It was a thoughtful gift really, but why was there two of everything?
“You and your youngest child syndrome,” he chuckled. “You know it's not your birthday too, right?”
Phil rolled his eyes. “Yeah, obviously. I just thought you might want to give me a bit of a pamper too, since I'm a tudor princess that deserves to be fanned with a leaf and everything.”
Dan snorted loudly, eyes crinkling, “You're so stupid.”
He gasped in mock affront, placing a hand on his chest, and put on a slightly high-pitched voice, “You mean you're not going to spoil Princess Philippa as is required by the King!”
“Nah. Think I'd rather get fired for insubordination.”
“Guards! Take him away!”
“How the hell did we manage to have an evening full of role play without even a smidge of sex,” he asked with a slight smirk, almost as if thinking aloud.
“We can change that if you want…” Phil said somewhat slyly, his voice having switched back to normal.
“Nah, this is a good bit. And I refuse to go down on you with cat whiskers any more in my life.”
“But the tackle was so good!”
He nervously flicked his eyes over to the livestreaming monitor, more out of habit than anything.
“Don't want to hear it, you spork.”
“You receiver first, or me?”
Dan raised his eyebrows.
“I meant for the spa set!”
“Sure you did, bubba.” There was a small pause as he giggled slightly. “Since you apparently love seeing me on my knees with cat whiskers, I guess it should be you receiving first.”
“Now who's doing unnecessary innuendo!”
“I'm allowed to cause I'm the birthday boy.”
Phil pulled him in for a kiss. It was quick, chaste, almost the complete opposite of the livestream that had ended just moments earlier. “You sure are.”
“Come on, idiot, before they rub off.”
Dan took the spa set in one hand, and Phil's hand in the other, and led him down the hallways to their large bathroom.
Setting the jar down on the counter, he retrieved their heavy-duty make-up wipes from deep within the cupboard. It had become a habit to keep a packet of them lying around the house since the pinof days, and right now Dan couldn't be happier that they had them on hand.
“Give me your face,” he mumbled to Phil.
After briefly looking around for somewhere to sit as Dan removed his whiskers, Phil decided on gently pushing the jar to one side and hopping up onto the countertop. Dan lightly giggled, ruffling at his hair, before stepping between his legs to gently remove the whiskers.
The countertop took a few inches off his height, and Phil found himself needing to properly look up to catch his eyes.
“Little kit behaviour,” Dan said quietly, almost overflowing with love.
“It's kind of nice, being smaller than you.”
“You already are, idiot,” he responded, rolling his eyes.
“I know, but like, actually properly smaller.”
“Should get you the opposite of that leg lengthening surgery.”
Phil shook his head, somewhat disturbed by the idea. “Wouldn't be able to kiss you on the forehead,” he mumbled.
Dan gasped, a mixture of mocking and sincere, “Can't have that.”
“I'm glad you agree,” he said, smiling up at him.
His eyes crinkled with joy. “There, all done,” he mumbled.
Phil gasped. “My hero,” he said in his princess voice again.
“What do you want next, your highness?” Dan asked.
“Uh, the eye mask looks good,” he responded.
“Eye mask it is, then.”
~
After Phil had been fully poked and prodded, it was Dan's turn. His involved significantly more shrieking, including claiming that Phil was about to poke his eyes out at least 7 times.
By the time it came to washing the face mask off, he had yanked the flannel out from Phil's hands, muttering “I'll bloody do it myself…” while Phil softly giggled behind him.
Dan looked up from the sink, locking eyes with him in the mirror. Even behind the annoyance was the soft love that almost never seemed to leave him these days.
“What are you doing, you spork? At least turn the bath taps on.”
Phil snapped out of it, “Oh right, sorry.”
Dan giggled, “Was someone too busy staring at my ass again?”
“Never. Me and Susan are fully monogamous.”
“I thought she starved down in the basement a couple of months ago.”
“Mhm,” Phil hummed, shaking his head, “this is the new one that I cloned from her corpse. Susan 2.”
“If you had several of the clones at the same time, would that be polyamory or monogamy?”
“You tell me, you clone sex philosopher.”
Dan laughed as he dropped the bath bomb into the tub, “What kind of insult is that?!”
“The perfect kind.” There was a small pause. “You want me to get you some wine?”
“What a gentleman.” Sarcasm practically oozed from his pores. “If we've got some of that chardonnay, sure.”
~
They did have some of that chardonnay, as it turned out.
Normally he was a red wine drinker, the warmth and strong tannins were exactly what he needed.
But, on days like today, when all he would be doing for at least half an hour was cuddling up to his partner in their expensive bath, he had all the warmth he needed. And maybe, just maybe, he could handle a bit of extra sweetness too.