Chapter Text
Arthur Read, the alleged aardvark stood outside the bedroom with his ear against the door. "Arthur!" D.W. shouted as she came up to him, "I know you've been rigging every presidential election since before you were born, and that you caused 9/11! You probably have something to do with COVID too! I'm gonna tell-" D.W. was cut off by her brother spraying Mace in her eyes. She screamed as she fell to the floor, writhing around in pain, desperately trying to wipe the poison from her eyes.
"The nice thing about being in a fanfiction," Arthur explained, "is that you can do things you wouldn't be allowed to canonically." He put his ear back against the door as his sister continued to wail in pain. "Unfortunately," Arthur frowned, "that also means that you might do things you don't want to do either. That's why I'm outside my parents bedroom listening to them have sex."
D.W. had now gone from screaming to moaning, but not as loudly as her mother.
"Excuse me Arthur, I need to get in there."
Arthur turned to see his father, David holding a camcorder.
"Dad?" The boy exclaimed as he bolted upright, "If you're out here, then who's banging mom?!"
"The author's self-insert, I paid him." David replied.
"WHAT?!" Arthur exclaimed.
"Well, I'm bi-curious and wanted to experiment with Mr. and Mr. Ratburn, but your mother said no. So I figured that if I caught her cheating it would give me enough leverage to have a three-way with the Ratburns. So could you step aside, please?"
Arthur stood silently in shock as D.W. got up off the floor, rubbing her eyes. "Dad," she panted as my self-insert character continued to bang away at her mom, "Arthur sprayed me with Mace and now he's making mom cheat on you!" She opened her now red, bloodshot eyes only to see her dad holding a can of pepper spray in front of them. "AAAEAGH!" she wailed as she got sprayed again and fell back onto the floor.
Later that morning, Arthur and Buster chatted as they walked to school.
"So if we're in a fanfiction," Buster inquired, "does that mean at some point we're gonna have to do a sex scene together?"
"No," Arthur rolled his eyes, "we're the same age as we are in the show and this author has at least some standards."
"But Molly looks like she's at least eighteen." Buster said and pointed ahead of them.
Arthur stopped when he saw Molly coming towards them. She was a grown woman now. She was wearing very short cutoffs over her luscious hips and tight, round ass. She also had on a sleeveless denim vest that was halfway unbuttoned, showing off her cleavage, and she wore nothing underneath the vest so there was an ample amount of side-boob showing.
After getting lost in her cleavage for a moment, Arthur snapped out of it and stopped her, "Molly! What are you doing?"
"Uh, social commentary?" the bunny babe replied.
"Yeah right," Buster said, "you were described in way too voluptuous detail for it to not be fan service. Hey," he continued excitedly, "do you think we'll get to have a sex scene with her?"
"I told you Buster, the rest of us are still under age." Arthur answered firmly.
"But she's a girl." Buster protested.
"So?"
"People don't care when the predator is a woman!"
"That doesn't make it ok!"
"See, social commentary." Molly interrupted, "Look, I'm flattered Buster, but I have to go meet up with the author's self-insert."
"Okay…" Buster sighed as his ears lowered.
"You should probably wait until you've at least started puberty before you start hooking up anyway." Molly added as she continued on.
Back at the Read house, Mr. and Mrs. Read argued about their now failing marriage while D.W. lay on the floor waiting for her vision to come back. She was so mad at Arthur for this, how could he be so mean? She thought about spraying him with Mace to show him how it felt. She liked that idea. She then thought about how much fun it would be to pepper spray other people, too. She could carry Mace with her all the time, and spray anyone on a whim and then watch them writhe in pain as she did. This excited her even more. She then had an idea of how she could get away with it!
Just then, my self-insert walked by with the envelope of money Mr. Read gave him.
D.W. looked up at the blurred shape of a man and exclaimed "I'm going to be a cop when I grow up!"
My self-insert simply gave her stomach a good stomp, then went down the stairs and out to the street where Molly and his cool, expensive car were waiting.