Chapter Text
Divinity cannot exist in our true universe. It must be interpreted by imperfect beings and disseminated via digestible and recognizable symbols; stories that have been repeated time and time again. So then, the Whills whom do hide behind the Sun, and far beyond the other side of the sky, did gift me a vision, as they did to another in 1973, and another in 1856. Within these familiar words are concealed forbidden knowledge, taboo and enlightenment. What may at first seem disposable, will later be Holy. Remember: even members of the Disciples doubted Jesus. Love exists. Now, come, read forth - let us reveal the face of Divinity and all her secrets.
- St. Nomisade
From the Third Journal of the Whills...
A Long Time Ago In A Galaxy Far, Far Away...
"Fuck Neimoidians," Qui-Gon Jinn seethed as he downed his ninth cup of hot tea. "'Neimoidians'? More like fucking 'Devoidian' of manners!" He threw his space mug down onto the metal flooring, which clattered and echoed across the sparse, chrome room; a room that was a classic example of the Neu-moidian brutalism architectural movement that they tended to design all their ships nowadays. Cold and unfeeling. All corners and monochrome. Like a big coffin made out of an industrial freezer.
"Silver babe!" the Jedi Master shouted, addressing the silver feminine protocol droid that had been serving them - yet another victim of the Neimoidian stylistic taste. "Bring me more tea! My thirst is not even CLOSE to being quenched!"
Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn and his apprentice Obi-Wan Kenobi were both sat in their uncomfortable-looking chrome chairs and had been waiting for over an hour, and they were rightfully frustrated. They had been sent by the Jedi Council to be a neutral presence to aid as a lubricant in the negotiations between the Naboo and the Trade Federation; a trading conglomerate who were currently blockading trade around the small, green, peaceful planet of Naboo. Currently, the pair were sat in a meeting room onboard the Trade Federation Control Ship, which had a large viewing window and they could see the lush planet far below...
"Master, should we not control our feelings? I sense an unusual amount of fear for what should be short negotiations," Obi-Wan said cautiously, wary as to not have his Master's ire directed at him.
Though Obi-Wan Kenobi was relatively young and only a Padawan, he had demonstrated an extraordinary amount of wisdom throughout his relatively brief tenure as a Jedi. He was always eager to learn though, and looked up to Qui-Gon Jinn as more than just a teacher: as a father figure. He'd even started to hyphenate his name like his Master did, just be a little more like him.
"They SHOULD fear," Qui-Gon shot back aggressively as the protocol droid left to get more refreshments. "They should fear running out of their supplies of tea, because that's what's going to fucking happen if Viceroy Gunray doesn't show up soon. We have one life in this universe, and we're currently wasting it sat here, waiting for a couple of weird-looking blue skinned losers to come in and lie to us. 'Ooo, no! This is totally legal! The Naboo brought this upon themselves!' Pull the other one! AND I've been lying to that robot! Huttspit... just BEING near the lying species has even made a liar out of me. I was quenched after the second cup! Now I'm just storing up my piss so that when those freaks DO finally arrive, I can properly express my displeasure at them."
Believe it or not, Qui-Gon Jinn was a respected Jedi Master among the Jedi Order. During the Clone Wars which had taken place in the decade before, Master Jinn had been a valuable asset to the Republic in their fight against the Hutt Empire and their allies. His skills as a warrior and cunning strategist had become legendary.
But after the terrible war that the Clone Wars was had ended, something changed in Qui-Gon. His patience had left him. He became frustrated easily. It was the thought among a quiet few within the Order however that he was coasting on his reputation that had formed during the war, and that he may be unfit to continue on within the Order in a leadership capacity. With his reputation, one would think it was clear he should be a member of the Jedi Council by now. And yet Qui-Gon himself never complained about this.
Obi-Wan was about to try and sooth his Master when the Jedi both heard it. A distant explosion from somewhere within the space station. The pair stood up quickly, igniting their lightsabers, sensing that they were in danger, eyes focused on the closed door that the silver protocol droid had exited through.
"Master! What was that?" Obi-Wan asked.
"How the hell am I supposed to know?" Gui-Gon answered grumpily. "I don't have x-ray vision, do I? Probably the Neimoidians fucking something else up. God, my stomach's so full of tea. I could feel it all sloshing about as I stood up."
Visible white gas began to pump into the room through some floor vents. Qui-Gon, the more experienced Jedi Master that he was, recognized it instantly.
"It's gas!" he shouted, before running over to the door where the protocol droid had left to get more tea, only to find that it had been locked. Qui-Gon put has face right up by the door and shouted, "Silver babe! Forget the tea! Come and unlock this door, please! There's some sort of gas filling up the room, or maybe it's steam from the tea-brewing process? Either way, it's scaring my apprentice."
The two Jedi waited for a response as the room continued to fill with the unknown gas. Qui-Gon started slashing at the immovable door with his lightsaber, but it didn't seem to be doing anything. Obi-Wan turned his blue blade upon the door, piercing it. Then he proceeded to cut a hole for them to climb through. The door was exceptionally thick, so it was slow-going.
Eventually, Obi-Wan had drawn a perfect circle, the edges glowed orange as they had been melted by the laser sword. He then used the Force to push it out of the door, creating a hole. Just in the nick of time, the Jedi clambered through the new hole and out of danger. The door lead into a corridor, where they were greeted with four deadly droidekas.
"Out of the frying pan and into this fucking mess," Qui-Gon muttered to himself. He turned his lightsaber off and raised his hands as a show of peace. "Robots, chill! You had a technical fault in the waiting room, but we escaped. Please, take us to Viceroy Gunray. We would very much like to see him now."
The droids turned on their laser shields, and fired upon the Jedi. Qui-Gon aimed his two palms at two of the droids and concentrated hard, smacking his lips together. Both droids suddenly exploded in a fiery blaze. Obi-Wan expertly twirled his lightsaber around and sliced through the shields of the remaining droids, slashing them both in half.
"Come, Padawan," Qui-Gon said, smiling at his literal handiwork. He still had it. "Back to the ship. Looks like the negotiations are over."
"But Master," Obi-Wan started. "The explosion... that WAS our ship! I can no longer sense the pilot's presence. I... I believe she is dead."
Qui-Gon stroked his chin in thought, frowning. "I hate that you can read minds and stuff. It's so fucking weird and it freaks people out. Even Master Windu has said so. Fine then - we must go to the Naboo and warn them that the Trade Federation have no intention of giving up this ridiculous embargo."
And with that, our heroes went off to find a way down to the planet below. But Obi-Wan Kenobi had no idea of what was to come next... The first few dominoes were falling into one another, and the galaxy was soon to change forever.