Chapter Text
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What wasn’t said was assumed. That was the dynamic between Kalim and Jamil. It wasn’t easy to make the two communicate normally about anything. Jamil refused to open up and Kalim didn’t know how to help, nor understand whether or not he was pushing any boundaries Jamil had. That was something that really pissed him off. Kalim didn’t know how to do anything without Jamil’s help, including how to help Jamil. So, he’ll have to help Kalim help himself, which was too much of a headache to even consider thinking about.
The only other choice was to leave it alone. Even when other students were asking what their relationship was like now and how everything was affected after his overblot, Jamil left a lot of things out. It was annoying to hear about, he was sure of it. He highly doubted anyone would want to listen to even a fraction of his worries.
It was clear to Jamil that he’d have to vent out his frustrations in other ways, thus starting the beneficial friendship he had with the Ramshackle prefect. His relationship with Yuu was formed by complete accident. But once it started, they never bothered to stop it. He never told Kalim what the two of them were. It was casual, it was fun, it was stress relief. That’s all it was.
After dinner, Kalim was in the lounge, too busy with the other students to notice Jamil slip out and leave.. He hadn’t seen that smile directed at him for a while. The two hadn’t been around each other, as of late.
Jamil looked back, hands stuffed in the pockets of his hoodie. For a fleeting moment, he thought about texting Yuu and telling him he couldn’t make it tonight. A believable excuse would include Kalim in it. He could’ve stayed behind and tutored Kalim a little harder, be a little more forgiving this time with his exercises. Maybe he could’ve justified it with how he was worried about intruders again, even though he was surrounded by people who would’ve fought to keep him alive.
He ended up walking out anyway, noticed by everyone except the housewarden.
When he came back an hour later, his eyes immediately darted to Kalim in the dorm kitchen. He was munching on the flesh of a poorly hacked coconut, knees brought up to his chest and the tank top he wore to sleep a little too loose on him. Jamil’s intuition told him to go to him. He knew better than to deny that sense.
“Kalim.” Jamil said in greeting, immediately going to the kettle.
“Ah, Jamil! You were out?” Kalim’s question stung more than any bug could. Jamil squinted, eyes focused on preparing the tea for the two of them.
“Why’d you go out? Did you make a friend?” Kalim grinned at him as if he didn’t have a care in the world. And he didn’t, as far as Jamil knew.
He poured water into the kettle before setting it down to boil. Tea was meant as a way to communicate, at least for Jamil. It started conversations. The leaves could tell your future. It connected people. So that’s what he was doing right now. Using the familiar brew of their childhoods as a way to talk. Green tea for him, no sugar cubes. An assorted fruit tea for Kalim, five sugar cubes. An ask for forgiveness was said through the brewing cups of steeped leaves.
Forgiveness for what? Jamil wasn’t sure. He wasn’t willing to find out.
“Not exactly,” It wasn’t the truth but it wasn’t a lie either. “It’s adult stuff. You wouldn’t understand.”
The hissing of the kettle alerts Jamil to tend to it before he could look at Kalim’s pouting face any more.
“Jamilllll,” He whined, the stretching out of the last syllable all too familiar. He wasn’t going to say anything more than that. Thus started a new cycle of assuming what Kalim wanted.
He felt his hold on the kettle tighten as he poured the boiling water through the tea leaves, the color of their teas faint yet the smell fragrant. He knew that Kalim didn’t need to know what he was doing out at night. He knew what was best for his charge better than he knew himself. It was natural.
“You’re going to have to speak up,” The newfound surge of confidence overwhelms him. Maybe it was the promise to never hold himself back for Kalim’s sake ever again. Maybe it was just simply a way to mess with him. Either way, he placed the sugar cubes into Kalim’s cup and brought it over to him, placing it down gingerly.
“If you want something, you’ll need to say it,” He snapped, roughly taking his jaw into his grasp and turning his head before making him look up, their eyes meeting. It was a subtle act of dominance but it gave the once unassuming Jamil a rush of power. Kalim’s eyes widened and his mouth sat, agape with shock.
“A-ah?” Kalim seemed… confused. Well, a more accurate description was that he had something he was going to say but lost it completely. The slightly stunned expression on his face made a hot tightness in his chest form– whether or not it was a good feeling was not up to him.
He saw the clueless face he was so accustomed to, his sparkling red eyes now shaken with confusion, fear, and maybe arousal. For a moment, he thought the empty, yet blind trust was a good look on Kalim. Maybe he should stay that way.
He took his thumb and stroked Kalim’s bottom lip, testing the waters. His lips were soft and parted slightly when Jamil’s thumb started grazing it, his hot breath on his finger. Kalim swallowed, his throat bobbing as his body started to shake a little, almost as if he were afraid of what Jamil could do to himagain.
Jamil let out a mindless “Hm”, staring down at him with a gaze that could almost be hypnotic. Kalim’s eyes didn’t leave his own, his pupils dilating as their gazes matched in intensity. It was almost like a dance. A not-quite-friends tango that had the two figuring out their place in each other’s lives. A stumbling of movement through the questions that could only be answered by the two of them.
Maybe this was coercion on Jamil’s part but Kalim wasn’t refusing anything. He could realistically push his hand away if he really wanted to, but the fact that he didn’t– that he even parted his lips as if inviting Jamil into the dark depths of his throat… it had to mean something, right? He wasn’t the only one feeling this way, right?
But just as quickly as it started, Jamil pulled his hand away. This time, he didn’t look back as he placed his slightly cooled mug of tea in front of him and sat down.
He heard Kalim let in a large breath, almost as if he had left him breathless. It took him a moment to look at Jamil again but by then his retainer had pulled out his phone, a visible sign that he was uninterested in talking to him.
Unfortunately, that wasn’t enough to make Kalim stop talking.
“What was that, Jamil?” He asked, voice in a hushed whisper. The words slipped off of his tongue like they were young and they were sharing secrets again. Jamil felt eyes on him, boring into his skull like he knew everything, that maybe he had answers to what happened. He didn’t.
Jamil didn’t meet his eyes. Even though his heart was pounding with anxiety that he refused to let himself feel, he forced himself to keep looking at his Magicam feed, scrolling through posts he wasn’t quite reading with a mind that wasn’t quite right.
“What was what?” Really, even if Kalim was being less noisy than usual, he still wanted him to stop talking. While he was completely and utterly calm and collected on the outside, on the inside his heartbeat drummed in his ears like a death march, signaling that he was getting too close to whatever was impassable for the two of them.
Kalim opened his mouth to speak before instantly deflating. All the words the two wanted to say were left behind again, gone along with the once intimate moment between them. Jamil saw the defeat in his eyes. He swam in it. So addicting that he could drown and be happy.
Good. He thought. Taking his mug and as he savored the bitterness of the tea. Let him feel this way.
He wasn’t sure what he was feeling but it can’t certainly be good.
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The milky skin underneath Jamil should be elating. That’s something he realized long ago. He should feel excited from all the foreplay they were doing. Maybe something more than the heaviness in the pit of his stomach, guilty but unsure of the cause.
He pressed kisses down Yuu’s jawline, his lips brushing against sensitive spots that he had memorized along with upcoming test questions. Jamil’s fingers explore his body, gauging responses based on the squeaks that left the prefect’s mouth. Jamil had sex down to a science. Always the calculating type, especially in the bedroom. He never made the wrong move, never did anything to make Yuu feel displeased– at least that’s what he thought.
The quiet gasps of air and silent shudders taper off before stopping entirely. Jamil’s focus is immediately broken by this. He lifted his head from Yuu’s pristine neck, eyebrows raised as his heart raced.
What had he done wrong?
Yuu sighed as he sat up from where he laid, his lips into a tight line.
“What are you thinking about?” Jamil’s eyes look into Yuu, questioning and defensive as ever.
There’s a hesitancy on Yuu’s end. Jamil clenched his fist into a ball. Why couldn’t he just spit it out? It’d be easier for them this way. Just tell him what he was doing wrong so he could correct it, for Sevens sake. There was no need for it to be any more complicated.
“Are you sure you aren’t too busy for me?” The prefect looked away from Jamil’s concerned eyes, a soft bitterness dripped from the words he said.
“What?”
Yuu sighed as he sat up completely, pushing Jamil off of him and buttoning up his uniform. Jamil watched him, his mind whirring with possibilities over what had happened, but the answer was always the same. Even if he didn’t understand it yet, he knew what was the cause of this. The beginning and the end of his troubles.
Kalim.
“It’s really… frustrating to do this with you, Jamil,” Yuu paused, seemingly choosing the next words he was going to say very carefully. He clicked his tongue. Just spit it out, please. It’d hurt a lot less if you were honest. He didn’t say that but he almost wished he did.
“You always seem like you’ve got something on your mind. You’re always so… cautious when you touch me. It’s like even when you’re with me, something is distracting you,” Yuu turned to look at him, their eyes meeting for the first time since they’ve started this conversation.
“Or, rather, someone.”
He didn’t bother hiding the annoyance on his face. His brow creased as his hand came up to rub his temples, a headache coming on just from the thought of it.
“It’s bold of you to assume I’m thinking of Kalim during our sessions.”
“I didn’t say Kalim’s name.”
The newfound tension in the room was so thick, you could scrape it with a dagger. Now it was Jamil’s turn to not meet Yuu’s eyes. On the inside, he seemed completely calm and collected. Maybe even cold to some extent. Yet it wasn’t the same for inner turmoil that he felt deep inside his gut. As he tried to even his breath, he felt the eyes of millions on him despite there only being one other person in the room. Swallowing thickly, he opened his mouth to say something, anything that could make the situation be better, but Yuu beat him to it.
“It’s unfair that I constantly have to play second fiddle to Kalim. It’s like you don’t even want me.”
Despite the words, there’s no malice in Yuu’s voice. No hatred. It’s like he understood. Jamil hated that feeling. Being understood was something that felt impossible to the Viper. No one could truly understand. The only person who had an inkling of an idea on what it was like was…
Kalim.
Yuu took his hand, gently pressing his knuckles against his lips. A kiss goodbye from whatever they were. Somehow, it stung.
“You should go to him. It’s time to pick him up, right?”
It wasn’t but he nodded anyway, standing up as Yuu brought him to the front entrance, closing the door gently behind Jamil. As he walked across the Ramshackle lawn and onto the path that led to the school, he couldn’t help but feel… angry, insulted, yet also relieved. Without knowing it, he had harbored a weight on his chest while he was around Yuu. Guilty that, even with Yuu under him and doing everything right, all his thoughts surrounded Kalim. All he could realistically think of was Kalim. It’s been like this since the day he was born.
Kalim was the red sun, Jamil had absentmindedly thought at some point. Everything had to orbit around him. It represented the beginning, the beginning of Jamil.
Everything in Jamil’s life started and ended with Kalim. The answer felt so obvious but it wasn’t quite there yet.
He huffed, shoving his hands into his hoodie pocket as he made a run for it. From both his thoughts and to the school.
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A few nights ago, Jamil was in his room, contemplating all the things he needed to do the next day. It was routine for him. He had a mental checklist that he repeated into his brain until he fell asleep, which usually took a while. But the creak of the door coupled with the hallway light made Jamil’s head shoot up from where it rested on his pillow. Half expecting some kind of emergency, all he saw in the doorframe was Kalim. He didn’t even have the decency to ask Jamil if he could come in or even knock. It was almost as if they were children again. Kalim certainly hasn’t changed much since he was a child, so really it’s on him for expecting more.
He knew immediately what Kalim wanted from the look on his face and the pillow he was gripping. They had played this charade a million times. Silently, he moved over and made room for him on his bed, clicking his tongue. Kalim seemed to hesitate before giving in, shutting the door behind him.
Kalim lifted the blankets up and crawled into the bed, his back turned away from Jamil. That was fine. Preferred actually. Even if Jamil tried to refuse, he knew his charge had a reason that he came in here. Kalim was stupid and careless but overall, he was ruled by his emotions. He wouldn’t ask Jamil for help if there wasn’t a feeling behind it. With their backs pressed up against each other in a bed that was too small for the both of them, it was easier to let him do this (or at least, that’s what he told himself).
The two hadn’t said anything. It seemed as if they refused to. Jamil knew that the two were tip-toeing around each other right now. There were so many things he wanted to say. He wanted to talk about how Kalim was doing, if he was doing well in his studies, if he wanted something to eat, anything but the long stretches of silence that awaited them throughout the night. If he said something, he was sure he’d end up confessing. A confession of guilt? Of his feelings? He didn’t know. He was too scared to find out.
A mumble is heard through the rustling of sheets and the turning of Kalim’s body. Jamil was too wrapped up in his own thoughts to hear it properly. He turned over, looking at his charge who was on his back, the space on the bed suddenly suffocating.
“What is it, Kalim?”
“Can you hold me?” Kalim’s voice was small and pleading. It was as if he had whispered a secret into his ear. It was tender, it was frightening, it was too much.
“What are you, a child?” Jamil griped. It didn’t stop him from complying, though. His arm snaked under Kalim’s torso. Kalim leaned into the touch, his hands now resting on Jamil’s chest, pressed right up against his heart.
“I swear, you would be lost without me,”
A new silence expands into the room. It was supposed to be another offhand comment, something that Kalim always took in stride. But no. Nothing. Just quiet breathing from both parties, both of them trying to match each other’s pace but yet quite getting there. It was strange. It was uncomfortable. Kalim always had something to say, even when nothing was said at all.
Jamil thought about saying something again. Maybe an apology? Maybe small talk about school? Maybe his long-awaited confession? Nothing ended up being said. Before he knew it, he was asleep.
When he awoke the next morning, he immediately noticed the emptiness in his arms. He sat up, looking at the door, only to find it slightly ajar. Kalim was gone, having possibly left in the middle of the night. The only proof that he was ever there in the first place being the lingering smell of spice that could only belong to the only other person who mattered. The only other person Jamil (unwillingly) cared about.
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Jamil arrived at the school twenty minutes before he was supposed to meet Kalim. He zipped through twisting hallways until he reached where he needed to be. It was oddly quiet for a club all about practicing music. He didn’t bother knocking.
It turned out the room was quiet because Kalim was the only one in it. Cater and Lilia were nowhere to be seen among the instruments scattered across the floor. Kalim’s back was turned to him, sitting on a stereo as he flipped through the pages of a colorful magazine. Jamil scowled. It was definitely not approved by the House of Asim.
He’s quick to come up from behind him and snatch it away. Kalim jumped up from where he was sitting as Jamil flickered through the pages of teenage garbage. Through the quick flip through he had done, he had seen pages upon pages of awful fashion advice, Magicam celebrity gossip, and tips on dating. It was all driving Jamil to the edge. After he saw the spread about how to kiss better, Jamil shut the book, a hot tightness in his chest forming.
“This isn’t appropriate for you, Kalim,” He waved the magazine in front of his face before crossing his arms, his anger barely suppressed in his expression.
“Jamil! You’re here early!” His charge exclaimed, his smile so bright that it made Jamil’s comparison of him to the sun justified. Jamil could only scowl in return.
“I am. Where is everyone?”
“Everyone had to leave early. Cater had an unbirthday party to do and Lilia had some deliveries to make for Malleus.” Kalim rested his hands behind his head, his golden bangles clinking against one another.
“And you stayed behind because?”
Kalim’s carefree expression now turned embarrassed as he placed his hands down, ducking his head down as his cheeks became pink. Honestly, he looked as if he were caught with porn despite the magazine being far from it. Jamil wasn’t sure if he even knew what porn was.
“Cater gave me the magazine. I wanted to read it…,” His eyes were downcast as if he were a kicked puppy. “It had a section dedicated to being a better kisser. I wanna be a better kisser.”
The thought of Kalim kissing anyone made the tightness in his chest form again. He gripped the magazine, not even caring that he was creasing it. Without even realizing it, Jamil had brought over the tension he felt with Yuu to Kalim. He was feeling a mix of emotions, all of it balled up in chest, as if he were a bomb waiting to explode.
“And you thought the way you could be good at kissing was by picking up this tactless magazine from Cater?” The words come out harsher than was appropriate for the subject matter. He took a step towards Kalim; The step was almost like a threat. A sign that his patience was being tested. Something that said Jamil’s impeccable self-control was wavering and that he wouldn’t be able to control himself any longer.
Kalim sputtered out a garble of words, his face now flushed pink as he struggled to explain himself. Jamil couldn’t make out half the words he was saying. All of it was pure, blubbering noises that only served to make Jamil feel something even deeper. He wasn’t sure what it was supposed to be but it blinded him from his usual thoughts and forced him to work on his instinct– and his instinct right now was to shut Kalim up.
Kalim’s hands soon covered his face. Even though it was likely that Kalim meant no harm, Jamil swore he saw a flash of red at the act. It was almost as if he were taunting him. Like he didn’t have the honor of being able to see Kalim for who he was. Like he wasn’t the one who had spent all of his life by his side, studying his feelings like a bible and using them as his guide despite his own feelings about everything pushed aside for his sake.
Including his true feelings about Kalim.
Everything came crashing down at that moment. The carefully crafted image of hate he had of Kalim was now revealing into being someone he wanted. He was angry again. Angry about everything in their intertwined lives. He was angry that he had spent his childhood not being a child. That he was thrust into responsibility as soon as he gained consciousness. That he had to care for someone like Kalim.
But mostly he was angry that, if he and Kalim were born into any other position, if they had any other life, Jamil would be in love with him. Jamil wouldn’t be ashamed of his feelings. He wouldn’t hate Kalim as a way to be angry at his unfair birthright.
In another life, maybe things would’ve worked out. Maybe things could’ve been better.
Maybe both of them would have been in love.
Before he knew it, he tossed the magazine on the floor, grabbing Kalim’s wrists and pushing him until his back hit the wall. Kalim’s eyes widened as Jamil took in a shaky breath. Their faces were too close. There was a moment of silence between the two, the only sound coming from between them were the hot and heavy pants in the air. Jamil opened his mouth, almost like he was going to say something but he was quickly interrupted by the other boy.
Kalim started it first, going up and meeting his lips. It was Jamil who continued it. He hungrily kissed Kalim as if he were starving, breaking off and continuing at a rapid pace that was almost impossible to keep up with. Moans vibrated through their mouths, feeding into each other to keep on going. Jamil eventually let go of Kalim’s wrists, his elbows now on the wall and effectively trapping the young heir to where he was. Kalim’s hands found their way under his hoodie and explored his toned back, both of them slightly sinking down the wall the more they continued the result of their unresolved tension.
Their kissing was sloppy and the drool dribbling down their chins was gross but it was so freeing. Kalim’s lips tasted as strong as blood but were as freeing as the sky. The once calculating boy was now spelling down his desires in Kalim’s mouth with his tongue, pumping it in and out to drill it in his head in a way that made sure it was all he knew, all he could even comprehend. Kalim was stupid, but surely he can’t be stupid enough to forget who owned who in this moment, right?
Jamil broke it off a final time and left a trail of nips down Kalim’s jawline to his neck. His charge gasped for air, breathless as Jamil completely tore him apart. Kalim’s back arched when his lips found the crook of his neck, slumping both of them further and further down the wall. On paper, these were the exact same actions he was doing with Yuu earlier in the afternoon, yet it couldn’t be any more different. He kissed the crook of his neck, prepping it as Kalim panted, clinging onto Jamil as if he were a lifeline.
He doesn’t hesitate to bite down and suck, making his charge let out a sharp whine mixed with a moan that went directly to his crotch. Kalim’s nails were digging into him at this point, his whimpering loud as he kept saying his name, egging him to go on.
The loud moans coming from Kalim made Jamil’s cock twitch, but it was definitely going to be an issue. He pulled away his face from his neck, taking his two pointer fingers and shoving them in Kalim’s mouth, making him choke but ultimately not fight against it.
“Be quiet,” Jamil hissed, pumping his fingers in and out of Kalim’s mouth. Kalim’s moans swiftly turned into quiet squeaks and sounds of struggle, his tongue wrapping every nook and cranny of his fingers. Instinctive tears formed in his eyes as Jamil shoved his fingers deeper, gagging on them as drool started to spill from Kalim’s mouth from his reflexes being tested.
Jamil took this opportunity to continue working on Kalim’s neck. He was so hard. So hard that it was almost painful. Each new hickey washed him in a sense of power he had only felt during his overblot. The splotchy red marks left him breathless, wanting to tear Kalim up and consume him. Hickeys were something he swore he would never do. It was proof that he wanted to be seen, proof that he had desires for other people, proof that he needed others as much as they needed him. The way he was acting was almost animalistic. At that moment, he wanted to ruin Kalim. He wanted to ruin him by making himself all consuming, something that once you sunk your teeth into, you couldn’t go back.
The ringing of the 5PM bell sends a jolt through Jamil’s core. He immediately withdrew his fingers and pulled away from Kalim, his guard now back up. When the bell chimes ended and no one was there to witness what the two were doing, he breathed. As soon as the relief that they weren’t caught faded, he was left with a new feeling.
His head whipped to Kalim to see him slumped on the floor, eyes half-lidded and glazed over with pure submission. The left side of his neck was covered in red hickeys that stood out on his brown skin. His mouth was agape and the loose cardigan he wore was completely off his shoulders and barely hanging onto his arms. Disheveled and messy with drool drying on the corners of his mouth, he looked beautiful in the worst way possible.
“Fuck,” Jamil whispered under his breath, horrified at what he had done.
Both of them were panting for air as they processed the last fifteen minutes, everything now being remembered as a dazed memory. The emotions he had let spill now left him empty. He felt nothing. But he also felt everything.
“Jamil… What happened?” Kalim asked, as stunned as he was.
He wished he had an answer for him. He wished he knew more than the endless voices in his head telling him that he fucked up and that he fucked up big time. He had let his emotions get the better of him for one moment and now he’s sure the House of Asim will have his head. He wished he could scream, cry out in frustration, maybe kiss Kalim again, but none of that was possible. For a moment too long, Jamil had lost his self control and touched the one person who his life deemed untouchable. The secret was out. Every hickey on Kalim’s neck said the same thing.
Jamil Viper has desires. And he desires Kalim.
Just the thought of that being there was enough to make Jamil throw up.
He keeps himself together, of course. Right now, he had to focus on how he was going to fix this.
“Give me your cardigan,” He commanded, pulling off his hoodie. Kalim did as he was told, fucked so stupid that he was basically mindless. Jamil can’t deny the nauseous feeling in his gut as he’s reminded of the last time he’s seen Kalim look like that.
Jamil tossed his hoodie to him, taking the cardigan and folding it neatly. He can easily excuse this as Kalim getting his cardigan dirty and then being cold. It was an easy enough explanation. He could pull it off. Yeah. This could be pulled off.
He grabbed Kalim’s forearm, pulling him up to his feet and balancing him when he stumbled slightly. Maybe he should’ve been proud that he left Kalim so weak in the knees but he couldn’t right now. All he felt was an aching in his heart and a guilt in his stomach,
“We need to leave.” Jamil dragged him to the door, wanting to leave behind all of his feelings and the events of the day along with the discarded magazine on the floor. For once, Jamil Viper didn’t have an answer to Kalim’s question. It echoed in his mind as he led Kalim to the less populated paths at Night Raven College. It was almost haunting. Unforgiving in its memory while being a haze in his mind all at the same time.
What happened?