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There should be a law against snoring, James decided. Granted, it was simple enough to cast a Silencing charm on Peter, but now he was thoroughly awake, and he knew that if he laid back down he would do nothing but toss and turn for three more hours until it was a reasonable time to wake up.
His stomach rumbled at him and he sighed. Skipping supper to study had not been his wisest decision. Well, there was something he could do about that - the entire school was in a state of exhaustion as they neared the end of exam week, and a quick nip down to the kitchens should be simple.
Sirius did not wake up when James prodded him, or even gave any indication that James was there. James rolled his eyes. Sirius could probably sleep through a hurricane. That option struck, he tiptoed to the bed on the opposite side of the room, drawing open the curtain and jabbing his wand forwards.
"Oi. Moony."
"Wha?" Remus sat up suddenly, eyes wide, hair on one side of his head sticking up at an odd angle. "Huh?" He blinked a few times as his eyes focused on James.
"Want to sneak down to the kitchens for a bite?" He knew Remus had to be starving, too, as it had been Remus who had suggested skipping supper in the first place.
Blinking sleepily, Remus stared at James in disbelief. "It is three in the morning, you tosspot! I have my Arithmancy N.E.W.T. in five hours!" His whisper sounded more than a little hysterical.
"Is that a no?"
In response, Remus roughly flopped back onto his bed, pulling his covers back up over his shoulders. As though to underscore his meaning, he pulled his pillow over his head.
That was certainly clear enough. James didn't bother with Peter; the last of their coterie had stumbled in an hour ago from his Astronomy N.E.W.T. looking rather wild about the eyes, and James wasn't quite heartless enough to wake him just for company on the way to the kitchens. He did hope he'd be around when Peter woke to discover he was voiceless, however. Peter was always hilariously indignant whenever he woke up Silenced.
It was not worth trekking all the way to the kitchens if he was going to be by himself. He toyed with the idea of trying to go back to bed, but the notion was still unappealing. And even if he drew the curtains closed, he was willing to bet that Remus would still be bothered by the light if James tried to do any reading here in the room. Remus had become more and more snappish this past week; James wasn't sure if it was the stress of the six N.E.W.T. exams he was facing or the pending full moon of next week, or possibly a combination of both, but even Sirius had been stepping lightly around their lycanthropic friend of late.
In the interest of not antagonising Remus to the point of implosion, James threw his dressing gown over his bare chest and pyjama pants and quietly slipped from the dormitory with a Transfiguration textbook. The common room would likely be empty at this hour, and he wouldn't be bothering anybody down there even if there was some enterprising student doing some last-minute studying.
He was wrong on both counts. The common room was not empty, and the person sitting on the sofa watching the flames dance in the fireplace was someone he wanted to bother until the end of time.
"You're up late," he said quietly, resting his elbows the back of the sofa and leaning forward.
Lily didn't jump; she must have heard him coming. "Just finished my Astronomy N.E.W.T.," she said distantly, not tearing her eyes from the fire.
"Really? Peter was done ages ago. Were you last in the queue or something?" James swung himself over the back of the sofa and landed with a bounce on the cushion next to Lily. She shifted to make room for him, her brow furrowing.
"No, I... what time is it?" She tore her gaze from the flames and looked up at James with a bemused expression.
"Just past three." James reached out to lay a hand on her forearm. "Are you all right?"
"Of course. I just lost track of time. I was... thinking. Post-exam decompression, you know how it is..." She trailed off again, her cheeks colouring slightly.
James made a tsk sound and shook his head. "Don't make me give you detention for lying to the Head Boy," he said teasingly.
"I'm not lying." For the first time she did not sound distant at all. "I was thinking."
"But not about exams," James pressed.
Lily puffed out a sigh. "No," she admitted, "not about exams."
"So what, then?" James tucked a foot under one leg so he could sit sideways on the sofa, facing her. "I'm all ears."
For what felt like a lifetime, the only noise was the fire crackling merrily in the grate, the sharp edges of the sound muffled by the invisible shield in front of it that kept the common room from becoming too hot in the summer night.
"Things are happening out there," Lily said slowly after an eternity. "And in less than a week we're going to be thrown out into the middle of it all, as though we can handle it." She swallowed. "I don't even know what's happening, not really; I don't think anyone does, except what the newspapers tell us. The teachers are being as vague and reassuring as possible."
Nodding thoughtfully, James took a breath. "It's bad out there, my mum says. She and Dad are talking about taking me and Sirius abroad for a while."
Lily looked up sharply. "Really?"
James nodded again. "We're not going to go, of course. We're going to stay and fight. Running away isn't going to do any good. If he wins here, it won't be long until there isn't a place we can go where he hasn't won." He shrugged. "It's simple, really. That's what's out there - for me, anyway. The fight."
"You sound almost excited," Lily said, a tinge of accusation in her words.
"I guess I am, a bit." The admission felt good. "I've spent years wanting to do something. What's happening... it's not something I can sit back and let happen. And there aren't enough people fighting it. Every person who wants to stand up will make a difference."
"It's different for you." Lily snugged her arms more tightly about herself. "You're... not a target."
James reached out to lay a hand on her shoulder. "Hey," he said, giving her a small shake. "We're all targets. Me, you... everyone who opposes him. We're all in this together."
"Don't pretend like it's the same thing." Lily did not pull away from his touch, but she did seem to stiffen. "If he wins -"
"He won't."
"Say he does, though. You'd still have rights. I heard Rosier talking with Peter on the Astronomy tower, telling him that the - the Dark Lord would be willing to forgive a great deal if it meant welcoming all the pure-bloods into his fold."
"Yeah, well, I don't believe that rubbish, and neither does Peter." Squeezing her shoulder reassuringly, he leaned over until she turned her head to meet his eyes. "You're right, though. It's not safe out there. It's up to us to change that."
"Us? We're still practically children," Lily scoffed, her words sounding thick with the frustrated tears she was holding back. "If the fate of the world is on the shoulders of a handful of Hogwarts graduates, then nothing will ever be safe again."
"Us and people like us," James amended. "Do you think we're the only ones fighting? Even Dumbledore is gathering numbers behind him. Yeah, it's mostly young people - people who knew him when they were at school - but it's gaining momentum. We can win this, Lily. It'll be rough, but we can win this."
"Okay, yes, fine. We can win." Unfolding her arms, she gestured aimlessly. "But what about what's out there right now? The things we have to fight against? It's all well and good to say that we'll win eventually... but what about next year? Next month, even? I don't dare go home and put my family in danger; where do I go?" Her eyes brimmed with tears that she dashed away impatiently with the back of her hand. "It's happening right now, James. Planning for a future where we've won doesn't do anything to prepare us for what happens in just a few days when Hogwarts can't keep us safe anymore."
Try as he might, James could not summon any words that were not simply restating what he'd said before. They would fight, and they would win - that much he was sure of. But as for Lily's immediate worries...
"I won't let anything happen to you," he said finally, the words bursting forth as though they had a life of their own. "Hogwarts can't protect us, but I will."
This did not have quite the effect he had been hoping for. Lily's tearful expression switched swiftly to defencive. "I don't need anyone to protect me."
It was all James could do to keep himself from wincing. "No," he said quickly, shaking his head. "No, of all the people in the world, the last one who needs someone to protect her is Lily Evans." On a whim, he reached out and caught one of her hands in both of his. "But I wish you'd let me try anyway."
The sudden touch had thrown her off-guard, he could tell. "You think you know me so well," she said, biting her lip.
"Don't I?" He wasn't even thinking of his words now before he said them; he was teetering on the edge of disaster with every breath, but this moment - this moment in the soft darkness, pondering the future with the woman of whom he'd only grown fonder over the last year - demanded nothing less than his very immediate attention and honesty. He could feel it.
It appeared that she could feel it, too; her eyes widened just slightly, and she licked her lips, as though surprised by the intensity of his answer. "I..."
"Lily, don't tell me that these last few months - this last year, even - we haven't got to know one another. That we haven't..." he trailed off as Lily's hand moved, his heart skipping a beat. No, she couldn't be taking it away, not now - but she wasn't. She was twining her fingers through his, almost distractedly, her eyes somewhere far away.
"I thought you'd finally given up on me. That we would just be - well, be friends, without your game getting in the way." She glanced over at him, her eyes glinting in the firelight.
"Game?" His heart had started to race. "It was never a game. You were never a - a prize to win. I stopped chasing you because you asked me, but I never, ever stopped..." Was this the right time to say it? Would she even accept it right now? The silence stretched and he coughed to keep it from freezing his words. "I never stopped loving you."
She was very, very still; even her breathing was so shallow that her chest barely moved. The quiet pounded at his ears in a rhythm not unlike his heartbeat, but he waited. Saying anything else wouldn't do any good.
"I almost think you're not joking." Her words were so soft that even in the silence he almost couldn't hear them.
James shook his head. "I've never been more sincere in my life." He swallowed. "If you don't feel the same, then fine. I can live with that. But whether you do or not, I promise you, right here, that as long as I draw breath, I will do everything in my power to keep you safe. Because I want to fight for a world with you in it."
For no reason, he suddenly felt exhausted, as though the effort of maintaining this gravitas was too much for him to handle. He could feel Lily's hand tighten on his.
"You're shaking," she said, looking up into his eyes.
"I'm terrified," he admitted with a pathetic laugh.
"You've asked me out more times than I can count." Her voice had an oddly breathless quality to it.
"Well, I'm not asking you out right now, am I? I'm..." What was he asking her? What had he just spent the last several minutes trying to impress upon her? "You asked 'what about next week'? I don't know. But I'll be there to find out with you, if you'll let me. And next month, and next year. The rest of my life, if you'll just let me."
To his surprise, a tiny smile quirked the corner of Lily's lips. "It sounds an awful lot like you're proposing."
James felt the world immediately drop out from beneath him. Was that what he was doing? "No, of course not - I - no. No, I'm not... that's ridiculous -"
"Yes."
It's was James's turn to freeze in stunned silence. All the thoughts that had been spinning round his head were gone like a puffed-out candle flame, replaced by a high buzzing in his ears. "What?"
Lily had turned a brilliant shade of red that clashed horribly with her hair but matched the upholstery of the sofa marvellously. "What you were saying... it just sounded a whole lot like you wanting to spend your life with me."
"But you hate me," James managed.
Blinking, Lily cocked her head to one side. "All right, I take back what I said earlier. You obviously don't know me at all."
"Well, I mean, you don't hate me - but you don't like me much, either, which for all intents and purposes amounts to the same thing -"
"James," Lily said softly, looking down at her clasped hands, "I have never hated you. I may not have thought much of you, but I... and this year. I thought Dumbledore was mental, making you Head Boy, but then I think I saw what he did, and I have no idea why it took so long."
"Saw what?" James could not take his eyes away from her lips, watching them form the words she was saying, his mind skipping lightly from one thought to the next.
"You act from your heart," Lily said simply. "You never do a thing because you're supposed to; you do it because it's the only thing you can do. You're going to fight because you can't do otherwise. And you mean it. You mean everything you do, everything you say. It's genuine." She swallowed. "You're genuine. Even when you're being stupid."
No words were presenting themselves for duty. It seemed as though Lily had run out of things to say, as well, though she looked a great deal more attractive than James was certain he looked right now, blinking like a frog with his mouth agape, just in case he thought of something clever to say.
"I do mean everything I said. Every word of it." Well, it wasn't particularly clever, but it was true. He discovered that she was still holding his hand - was gripping it very hard now, in fact - and he impulsively brought it up and pressed a kiss to her knuckles. She took a breath, not sharp enough for it to be a gasp, and her eyes caught his in an almost tangible way, like the plucking of a violin string.
His other hand was reaching out, timidly, almost of its own accord. The warmth of her cheek was almost a shock to his senses, the softness of it as he pressed his fingers gently against the skin, ran his thumb over the curve of her cheekbone. She leaned into his touch, eyes closing and lips parting ever so slightly.
If he had ever seen a clearer invitation for a kiss, it had been so insignificant that he forgot it.
Her face was flushed and warm from facing the fire and from excitement; her lips snatched at his fervently, with a slow-burning ferocity that made something in his middle glow with appreciative heat.
She'd dropped his hand; he took advantage of his new freedom to run his hand through her coppery locks, as he'd longed to do for years, and found they were every bit as soft as he'd imagined them. The reason for dropping his hand became apparent a moment later as she leaned back against the arm of the sofa and pulled him with her so he was lying partially atop her.
They shifted effortlessly, as though they'd rehearsed this; his hand slid down her side to rest upon her hip as he brought his other leg up to rest between hers. He bit back a moan as the motion brought her into contact with his groin, instead deepening the kiss and exulting in the way she responded in kind.
His brain had stopped having any kind of logical input; he felt feverish, nearly delusional, unable to process the enormity of the moment. She rocked her hips against his and he growled - there was no other way to describe the noise - and he slid his hand around to the small of her back and pulled her close against him.
They did not speak, as though they knew if they broke apart from their ardent kisses they would break some ineffable rhythm that neither of them could fathom, but which thrummed between and through them in a great life-affirming rush. James had one arm beneath him, holding him up so he wasn't putting his full weight upon the girl partially beneath him, and his other hand roamed along every surface it could reach - her back, her hip, her arm, so far away with the fabric of her uniform between them that it was nearly a shock when he brushed against the warm, bare skin of her neck.
Her blouse was buttoned nearly all the way to the top; he ran his fingers over what skin he could find, tracing lightly along her collarbone, listening to her breath hitch as he finally screwed up the courage and rolled the top button between his fingers. He didn't know if he should undo it. He didn't know if he could undo it; he was shaking so badly that he was surprised he hadn't ripped the button from the shirt entirely.
The question of whether he should was answered a moment later when Lily slid a hand beneath his dressing gown and laid it flat against his bare chest. Her light tough radiated out from her fingers in a shivering wave that rose goosebumps all down his back and arms and within moments, he'd undone the top button, and the next two as well, and he pulled the fabric to the side to expose one shoulder and the soft curve of her breast.
In unspoken assent they broke apart. James opened his eyes to find Lily's there, dilated so wide he could hardly see the deep green at the edges in the near-darkness. He could not keep himself from flicking his gaze down at the expanse of flesh he'd just revealed, pale in the dim light, rising and falling with her rapid breathing. She was still wearing a bra; pale blue with tiny white speckles, it was a far cry from the lacy black lingerie the girls in Sirius's magazines wore, and far more modest. Unconsciously, James licked his lips; he'd never seen anything so erotic in his life as Lily lying still mostly-clothed beneath him.
Hesitantly, he ran his fingertips over her chest, lightly tracing the top swell of her breast, not realising he was holding his breath until he became dizzy and he let it out with a long, shaky whoosh. Lily's hand continued its slow mapping of his chest beneath his loosening dressing gown, her touch smooth and warm and wandering.
Running one finger under the edge of her bra made her gasp. She arched her back suddenly, her arm going behind her in a very strange sort of wiggle that introduced a delicious measure of friction where their hips were still pressed together - and then the bra was suddenly loose against his questing fingers.
He did not stop to marvel at the speed at which she'd undone it. He pulled down the garment and nearly had to bite back a sound of longing as he finally exposed the peak of her nipple, already stiffened against the cooler air; he swept a thumb over it and she shivered, levering herself up to press her lips to his neck and whimper wordlessly.
If he were to die right now, just keel over and stop breathing, James would not complain. Fairly sure he had heard that girls liked this sort of thing, he shifted down on the sofa, pressing kisses to the inside of Lily's throat, along her collarbone, up the curve of her breast and finally to tease at the dusky pink nipple. Lily made a sound somewhere between a gasp and a tiny moan and threaded the fingers of one of her hands through his hair, which he took to mean that he was correct, and that Lily, at least, liked this.
Suddenly Lily's thigh tensed under his hand, and he dimly realised that his hand was on her thigh. He didn't remember having put it there; it had simply gravitated there of its own will, as though it knew what to do. He lifted his head from her breast to study her - head thrown back against the arm of the sofa, lips parted, eyes closed and fluttering beneath her eyelids. Her skirt had hiked up in their shifting up and down and his hand was resting just a few inches from where her leg met her hip. His fingers twitched.
"Lily," he breathed, speaking the first words they'd used in he didn't know how long. "Do... d'you want me to..."
It looked as though she were fighting a serious battle within her head. "Not inside," she said finally, a little breathlessly. "But... anything else goes."
Anything else. James blinked. In a very general sense, he knew what a clitoris was and how to find it, much like he knew where, say, Iceland was and how to find it. He was not at all certain he'd be able to find it by touch, in the dark, on a map - er, woman - he'd never seen before, and was definitely not certain he'd know what to do with it when he found it. Much like Iceland, the corner of his brain that did nothing but compose smartass remarks supplied, and he almost laughed aloud from the jumble of nerves that had suddenly appeared and was currently warring with the langourous hazy lust he'd been enjoying before.
"You'll... tell me if I do something wrong... right?"
Lily nodded, and he was abruptly aware of the drawstring of his pyjama bottoms being pulled and her hand dipping beneath the fabric. "And you'll tell me if I do anything wrong, too?"
The breath left James' lungs in a huff of surprise as her fingers hesitantly closed around his previously ignored cock, and the novelty of the sensation nearly drove him over the edge then and there. "It's really hard to do something wrong with that," he said breathlessly, noting absently how husky his voice had become, closing his eyes as she ran her palm up and down his length. Merlin, this was going to be embarrassingly quick.
Her. He should focus on her. With no small amount of trepidation, he slid his hand up her thigh under her skirt. His fingers brushed against the soft cotton of her knickers and he bit the inside of his cheek - they felt damp and Lily shifted with a small gasp at his touch. He ran his fingers over the damp spot for a few moments longer, screwing up his courage before he finally reached up to pull her knickers down.
They got stuck.
The elastic was hugging her hips and legs much more snugly than he'd anticipated; they stretched but they did not pull down, and all illusion of competency James had hoped he'd been exuding fell apart as he ran his hand around her middle, pulling down one side and then the other, ignoring the amused expression on Lily's face when he finally loosened them enough to slide them down.
She stopped looking so amused as he dragged a finger along her soft folds, parting them to feel the wetness of her arousal - as if in response, the light circle her hand had made around his cock tightened and James drew in a ragged breath. It took every shred of self-control to not quest deeper inside her, to feel her around his fingers, to explore and know every inch of her. But - and this was important enough that it penetrated the ardour that had made it difficult to think - she'd asked him not to. For now, he was more than content sliding his fingers along the outer edge of her entrance, revelling in the muted sounds this drew from her.
Emboldened by his success, he slipped his fingers upward, gently probing until his finger slid over what felt like a knot in a silken cord and Lily gasped and tensed, her hand tightening again around his cock to let him know yes, right there. James was rather proud of himself; that hadn't been difficult at all. Except now he wasn't sure what he was supposed to do with it, and there was no way he was going to admit that.
His subterfuge was futile; Lily already seemed to know that he had no idea what he was doing. "Like this," she whispered, and rubbed her thumb along the head of his cock in a circling, slightly kneading motion that made his eyes roll back in his head as a small noise of appreciation escaped him. Desperate to get her off before he reached his impending peak, he emulated her movements on the silken bud beneath his fingers and was rewarded with a low moan that made his toes curl.
"Gentle," she admonished breathlessly after a moment, and he immediately made his touch lighter, circling and teasing gently. He had to screw his eyes shut and think very fervently about Quidditch for a moment to stave off the orgasm that was threatening to crest any second now as Lily arched her back, her unoccupied hand making a fist in the loose fabric of his dressing gown.
Desperately needing something to distract him, he leaned down and pressed his lips inelegantly to hers, hungrily tasting her as they fell into a staggering rhythm, her hand around his cock becoming more confident and his careful swirling making her chest heave as her breath sped up, faster and faster -
She suddenly shuddered, hips twitching seemingly out of her control. "Oh god," she whispered, breaking the kiss and throwing back her head again. Helplessly in her thrall, James attacked her neck with kisses in an effort to stay quiet as he toppled over the edge as well, coming in pulses that stole his breath away and sapped every bit of strength he had in his muscles. He collapsed next to Lily on the sofa, gasping, both of them shuddering through the aftershocks of their climax as they clutched one another.
It was Lily who began giggling first. "Did we really just do that? In the common room?"
"I certainly hope so, otherwise I'm having a hard time explaining this," James responded thickly, looking down at himself and beginning to snigger feebly.
"Oh my god," Lily said, biting a knuckle to try and smother her laughter. "We're the Head Boy and Girl and we just got off in the Gryffindor common room."
"While we're stating the obvious," James said, shakily pushing himself up to one elbow again, "I love you."
Lily seemed to be unable to stop giggling. "I know." She took a deep breath. "And I - well," and she giggled again, "I did say I'd marry you."
James stared. "You're not still on about that, are you? I did not propose."
"Maybe not in so many words," Lily said offhandedly as she shifted, pulling her knickers back up. "But it did seem to be the general idea. And seeing as how I've said yes..."
"Are you seriously browbeating me into marrying you?" James couldn't keep a straight face, and he cut off her sputtering protest with another kiss. "I love you," he said when they pulled apart, "but... can you give me a chance to ask you properly? Maybe after we've been dating for more than half an hour?"
"You've always made such unreasonable demands." Reaching to the floor where her wand had fallen, Lily cast a cleansing charm over the both of them as she sat up and buttoned up her blouse. She suddenly seemed very bashful. "I love you too," she said softly, not meeting his eyes.
James smiled slightly. "Is that so hard to say?"
"It goes against every sensibility I have," she replied in the bright, challenging tones she'd been using with him all year. But there was a warmth behind it that hadn't been there before, a touching of eyes that made James' heart leap.
"You'd best get used to it." He wrapped his arms around her and drew her back down on the sofa with him, burying his face in her hair and sighing contentedly.
They laid there for some time, drowsing lightly, until the darkness of the common room began to grow perceptibly lighter as dawn inexorably drew nearer.
"If I don't get back up to the dormitory, there will be questions," Lily murmured.
"Same," James said regretfully as he pushed himself up to sitting. His back ached from being on his side, his arm had fallen asleep beneath Lily's torso, and his eyes felt gritty from lack of sleep.
He felt fantastic.
"I'll meet you for breakfast?" he asked as the stairwell split to the girl's and boy's dormitory.
Her answering smile felt like slipping into a warm bath. As James climbed the stairs to his room, he felt a bit like whistling.
"And where the hell have you been?" Remus demanded as James closed the door quietly behind him.
James spun. Remus, Sirius, and Peter were all awake - for lack of a better word, as it looked as though Sirius was ready to fall back into bed at any moment.
"Common room," James said loftily as he sauntered over to his chest to pull out the day's clothes.
"And what's got you so chipper?" The accusatory tone had become mild curiosity as Remus uncrossed his arms.
James mulled over his response for a moment as he discarded his pyjama bottoms and pulled up his trousers. "Talked with Evans."
Sirius perked up right away, while Peter's jaw dropped. James pretended to ignore this as he buckled his belt. "You're joking," Sirius said. "And you're not hexed to oblivion?"
"Nah." James pulled an undershirt over his head. He was rather enjoying this.
"What did you talk about?" Peter asked keenly.
"Oh, this and that. Exams. What we're doing after Hogwarts." James glanced around; they were hanging on his every word. "Um, I may have accidentally proposed."
Sirius snapped his mouth shut mid-yawn. "And you're not hexed to oblivion?" He repeated, even more incredulously.
James did up the last button on his shirt and looped his tie loosely under his collar, biting back a grin so wide it would appear ghastly. "She said yes."
And with that, he stepped into his shoes and slung his bag over his shoulder to meet his fiancée for breakfast, leaving his gobsmacked friends behind to gape soundlessly.