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hold me like a grudge

Summary:

Lost souls in unmade beds pressing broken promises into each other's skin is how they start. Hurried and fast, their desire guides them until that desire gives way to distance and longing for something neither of them really needs, but something they really, really want. Dabi thought the goodbye said in burnt feathers was enough to keep Hawks away. But then Hawks shows up at his door, unannounced and uninvited and they end in the same way they started.

Notes:

This is my first time writing this ship and I love love love that it is for the very person that opened my eyes to them. For my little May bird, I hope it's everything you want and more.

Forever thank you to my beta Cee who also made the incredible summary. Blame them if it's better than the actual fic.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

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Dabi opens his fridge for the umpteenth time today and finds that it is, unfortunately, as empty as it’s been all day. Being on the run sucks ass, for the record. He’s fortunate enough that he does his own thing outside of the league—which is why he’s alone in a sketchy apartment rather than suffering in a disgusting cave—but he’s gone and shown off a bit too much to go on a grocery run.

Besides, it’s not the first time he’s been hungry and bored and it certainly won't be the last. He rummages through his cabinets again and finds an expired pack of ramen that piques his interest. He prays as he turns on the faucet and feels a little bit victorious when water trickles out. He grabs a pot and fills it, slowly, silently wishing he had a kettle to make things a bit easier.

Dabi turns the knob on the stovetop and sighs when it click click clicks with no flame starting. His little debut to the world left him licking his wounds, even if it was worth it; using his quirk now for some shitty noodles is less than ideal. He lights just a finger and turns the knob again and breathes out a sigh of relief when the flame catches and burns steadily.

He watches the water boil because wives' tales are bullshit and he’s got fuckall else to keep him entertained. Bubbles form and cling to the bottom of the pot, slowly growing in numbers. Dabi scratches as his stomach, exposed because of the cropped top he’s wearing, and watches as the bubbles slowly start to rise.

It doesn’t take long for the water to begin to boil and for a small cloud of steam to rise above the pot. Dabi decides to check the fridge again to see if any eggs magically manifested themselves to pair with his ramen when the handle of his front door starts to shake.

Dabi hides around the corner of the wall juxtapositioned with the door. With some aggressive handling, he hears the door open. He holds his breath and debates if he wants to flee or risk his skin by really using his quirk. There’s also the issue of how much he cares about this shitty [paradise] and if he wants to risk it going up in flames. Though, if his own little hideaway is compromised it might do him some good to turn it to ash.

“Angel~” an almost familiar voice sings out—rougher than Dabi remembers. He rolls his eyes and prepares himself to activate his quirk against his better judgment.

Before he gets the chance, a red feather darts around the corner of the wall and goes straight for his throat. It wisps around his jugular in a quick circle with a precise amount of pressure—the kind of touch that sends goosebumps across the living flesh Dabi still has. The feather travels up and instinctively Dabi closes his eyes and allows it to tilt up his chin.

“How the hell did you find me?” Dabi questions.

Hawks closes in on Dabi and pins him against the wall. Dabi allows himself to melt into the embrace before he catches himself and stiffens. They aren’t playing this game anymore. Dabi assumed after the mess from the invasion that there was a mutual understanding.

Dabi doesn’t open his eyes as he feels Hawk’s fingers exploring his exposed midriff. It isn’t until the hero’s lips press into Dabi’s shoulder that he shows any resistance—his hand pushing Hawks until he’s arms-length away. Whether to keep him that close or that far, Dabi isn’t sure.

“C’mon, you don’t think you could hide a place like this from me, do you, darling?”

Dabi opens his eyes, finally, grabbing the feather under his chin and sending it up in flames. Hawks winces and Dabi finally looks at him and fights to keep the air in his lungs.

Hawks looks different. Much different. His straw-colored hair is shorter now in the back and it shouldn’t look as good as it does. There’s a scar on his formerly bare face, a mark that stretches down his cheek and jaw. His usually obnoxious feathers aren’t casting a shadow over them as they usually do.

“Baby, those have a lot more value these days, don’t go burnin’ them up, hmm?” Hawks says to him with a disapproving tone, like a teacher talking to a grade-schooler about manners.

Without thinking, Dabi reaches out for the scar on Hawks’ cheek, but the hero grabs his hand and drags his fingers to his lips instead. He kisses Dabi’s fingers before wrapping his lips around two of the digits and swiping his tongue over the tips.

“The hell are you doing here, Hawks?” Dabi grits out, trying to pretend this isn’t affecting him.

“Aww, I thought we were on a first-name basis now, Touya~” Hawks taunts before going back to swallowing Dabi’s fingers.

“Is this an elaborate distraction so your hero buddies can catch me with my pants down?”

“So you’re saying you’ll take ‘em off for me again? I need you.” Hawks tone drops and only then does Dabi really notice the lust-filled look in his eye.

Hawks guides his hand down before pressing it against his crotch. Those stupid cargo pants do nothing to hide how hard he is.

“It’s fucked up if you’re doing this to catch me. Spill, birdie. Are your friends coming along or not? Don’t think I won’t burn that stupid dick of yours, too.”

Hawks gives Dabi a nasty smirk. “I wouldn’t dare let anyone see you how I plan to see you tonight, darling. Just me, scouts honor. I—ha—” Hawks trails off and ruts himself against Dabi’s palm. “Was helping someone, quirk misfired, god I need to fuck you,” he pants out.

Dabi doesn’t know when his arm lost its hold on Hawks but he’s close now. Their bodies pressed together, Hawks’ erection pressing into Dabi’s hip. The hero whimpers and grabs Dabi’s waist.

“‘Course you only come when you need something,” Dabi complains but he doesn’t try to push Hawks away.

Hawks takes it as permission because that fucker knows Dabi too well at this point. He closes the distance between them, tilting Dabi’s jaw up with his talon biting into the numb skin, crashing their lips together for the first time since that day.

Dabi whines into the kiss and he feels pathetic but he missed this. He’sspent more than one night awake thinking about how their relationship played out. Sometimes he thinks it wasn’t so much that he thought Hawks was a traitor to the league, but rather that he wanted him to be.

What started as non committal pleasure snowballed into whispers of affection and lingering touches. Dabi doesn’t know how to love. He lost the ability years ago in a raging fire. Pain. Pleasure. These are things he knows—things he can hold on to.

Hawks’ tongue traces his top lip and Dabi throws away his train of thought. He relaxes into the dirty hero’s hold, letting himself forget who they are outside of each other’s arms. Dabi wraps his arms around Hawks’ neck, fingertips dragging through the undercut that feels so unfamiliar.

Hawks’ hands trail down Dabi’s torso, ghosting up his top for a moment before continuing down over his hips and behind them to grab and knead his ass. He goes lower and they don’t have to talk to communicate what they both want.

Dabi helps by hopping, slightly, wrapping his legs around Hawk’s waist. The hero holds him and breaks their kiss so he can trails his lips along the villain’s jaw. He’s always a bit more harsh like he wants Dabi to feel it past the damaged nerves.

“Down, ahh, the hall, last room on the left,” Dabi pants, grinding himself against the pro’s stomach. Dabi always gets too impatient, but he can’t help it. It’s been ages since he’s been able to get off and that stupid bird can probably tell.

Hawks walks them down the hall with a little extra pep in his step, but it feels lackluster compared to the times he would fly them to bed instead. Dabi fights down the guilt—another emotion he’d rather not be acquainted with—and focuses on more pressing matters. Such as the hard cock that’s teasing between his cheeks as they make it to the bedroom.

Dabi instinctively reaches for his top, used to the short amount of time they always have, but a feather wraps its way around his wrist to stop him.

“Won’t you indulge me?” Hawks seductively asks. “I missed you,” He adds in a whisper that lacks the usual charm. “Just let me take you apart this once.” ‘For the last time’ Dabi can hear beneath the words.

Wordlessly he agrees, nodding his head and leaning back on his hands before opening his legs in invitation. It feels odd, trying to be seductive in bed with all his clothes on and still being so vulnerable, but having a boyfriend—lover—(ex?) hopped up on a sex quirk takes away most of the pressure.

Hawks looks at him like a man starving. He might be, in all honesty. His cheeks are sunken in almost as much as his eyes and his hero costume looks like it’s wearing him rather than the other way around. He loses the horrendous jacket and, yeah, the ‘skin tight’ shirt now hangs off of Hawks like he ordered a size too large.

It’s once again odd to be looking at Hawks from this position and not be shrouded in the shadow of his wings. He doesn’t have much time to dwell on it before Hawks is on the bed, filling the space between Dabi’s legs and closing the distance between their chests.

“You feel like coming home,” Hawks breathes on his neck before pressing his lips against his pulse.

“Fuck off with the sappy shit, we don’t have homes,” Dabi hisses as Hawks bites down on his jugular before sucking on the skin in some sick apology.

“Oh, my little flame, home is where the heart is,” Hawks replies like they’re some star crossed lovers. Dabi writes off the feeling in his chest as something akin to disgust. That’s why his chest feels so tight, like a rope approaching its breaking point.

“Well, then, aren’t we all just fucked,” Dabi spits back, but his argument dies on his tongue when Hawks’ talons graze down his chest and leave raised, pink lines on his bare stomach.

Hawks’ hand travels back upwards by tracing the line of staples that disappear under his top. He doesn’t stop there, continuing until he finds the gauze wrapped around Dabi’s chest. He tsks in disapproval before extending his talon and carefully ripping the fibers until the binding releases. Dabi breathes a sigh of relief, taking a deep breath at the freedom.

“Can’t believe you,” Hawks chastises before pushing Dabi’s top up and grabbing his breasts with both hands.

He massages Dabi’s chest in a way far too tender for someone who’s dying to fuck. Dabi doesn’t stop him, though, not when he’s brushing his thumbs across his pebbling nipples or dipping his head down to take one in his mouth.

Hawks closes his eyes as he sucks Dabi’s nipple, moaning as if he were getting something out of it. It makes Dabi squirm underneath him which seems to stir something in Hawks because suddenly the blond is grinding his hard cock between Dabi’s legs.

“Fuck, not gonna be able to hold it off much longer,” Hawks grunts as his hips continue the motion into Dabi’s sex.

“Aww, little birdie gonna cum in his pants before he can even get in mine?”

Hawks flashes a look at Dabi that sends shivers down his spine. “You think that would be enough for me right now? When I’m done with you, sweetheart, you’re gonna lose that cocky li’l attitude.”

Hawks descends on him and it seems fitting. Dabi is splayed out beneath him, like prey devoid of life as the man dives down, ready to devour him just as his namesake suggests. Hawks talons gleam in the low light that seeps through the curtains before they tear into Dabi’s jeans. The villain would complain, but the sharp scratch that reaches his skin in the process has him moaning instead.

“Always a slut for pain, aren’t you?” Hawks teases before tugging away the scraps of his jeans.

Dabi’s boxers cling to his skin, the light blue fabric doing him no favors in hiding how reactive he is to Hawks’ touch. The hero trails his fingers down from Dabi’s stomach, tracing the small patch of hair to the waistband of Dabi’s boxers. He hooks his talon under the elastic and pulls it down to reveal Dabi’s mess of white pubes before releasing it and letting it snap back in place.

Dabi huffs in frustration and Hawks apologizes by finding his clit with expert precision despite it still being hidden. Dabi’s hips move involuntarily into Hawks’ touch and he’s rewarded with more pressure and a slight circular motion. Hawks teases him further by sliding his finger tips down, testing how far he can push into Dabi with the fabric restricting him.

He slides his palm over Dabi’s heat and the villain takes the opportunity to grind into his hand. Hawks’ other hand travels up his chest again, back to toying with Dabi’s nipples and pulling sweet whimpers from him.

“H-Hawks,” Dabi pants, embarrassingly undone while Hawks’ is still nearly fully clothed. He hardly even looks affected, asides from the tent in his pants and the sweat on his brow. “Didn’t you come here to fuck me?”

Dabi will not beg. He won’t. But he can feel his pulse in his clit and he feels so empty he’s this close to setting the bed on fire, so he will at least egg Hawks on until he caves.

“Didn’t I say I was going to take you apart, my little flame?” Hawks smirks at him because that fucker knows he’s got Dabi on edge.

“Then fucking do it and, ahh–” Hawks interupts him with his finger pressing into his boxers, tearing the cotton while simultaneously sliding inside of him. “Stop destroying my clothes, bastard,” Dabi huffs, but his words lack the usual annoyance because his resolve is withering as Hawks’ finger pumps in and out of him.

Hawks always seemed to be able to reach further into Dabi than he could ever do on his own, something Dabi has struggled with these last few weeks. Motions Dabi drove himself mad trying to imitate, Hawks does without even trying. His hands are rough from years of training and fighting and all those callouses feel heavenly against Dabi’s velvety walls.

Hawks pulls his finger completely out, cooing comfortingly when Dabi whines in protest. Finally, he grabs the waistband of Dabi’s boxers and the villain helps by lifting his hips so they can come off as quickly as possible.

There’s a sparkle in Hawks’ eyes that suggest he’s considering teasing Dabi, but either the glare he gives the hero or the effects of the quirk have him choosing to stay silent instead. His fingers are back on Dabi, teasing his slit while his thumb plays with the hood piercing he always loved so much.

Dabi sighs in content and lets the hero tease him because at least now the sensations aren’t dulled by the stupid boxers in the way. Hawks uses his other hand to undo his button and let his baggy pants fall down his thighs. His cock bounces free because of course he’s gone commando, the freak.

He made jokes about it before. Saying he wanted to be able to fuck Dabi as quickly as possible so he forgoes the extra layer. Dabi briefly wonders if that was a lie or if he still crosses the bird’s mind when he dresses for the day.

The thought leaves as soon as it appears because Hawks has dropped to his chest and his hot breath is fluttering over Dabi’s twitching clit. Dabi can’t help but moan when the hero leans forward and teases his tongue into his slit before licking up and wrapping his lips over Dabi’s clit.

“Fuck, that’s it, birdie,” Dabi encourages, his hand making home in the blond nest of hair between his legs. He pushes Hawks’ head down and bucks his hips up to feel more of that wet heat around him. Hawks sucks diligently, his tongue swirling over the piercing, pushing it around in the way that makes Dabi’s gut coil.

It’s too soon to cum, Dabi thinks, but fuck he hasn’t been able to make himself feel like this in weeks and he’s quickly coming undone. What really sends him over is Hawks’ fingers finding their way back inside him—three, now, instead of the one because he knows Dabi craves that pain.

Dabi cums with a shout, fingers gripping the long hairs on top of Hawks’ head and holding him in place. The hero milks him through it, rubbing his g-spot with a terrifying precision that makes stars dance behind Dabi’s eyelids.

When Dabi melts back into the mattress, Hawks’ pulls off of his clit with an overstimulation pop that sends sparks up Dabi’s spine. When Dabi finally opens his eyes and looks at Hawks, the hero is looking at him like he wants to devour him. A string of spit slowly falls from his lips and lands on Dabi, cooling on impact and making the villain shudder.

“Look at you, baby, your pussy’s crying ‘cause it missed me so much,” he says, his voice deep and husky and fucked out like he’s the one that just had an earth-shattering orgasm. He crawls up so he’s hovering over Dabi, his leaking cock twitching against Dabi’s thigh and his breath dripping with Dabi’s scent. “Wanna see those baby blues tearin’ up too,” he adds in a raspy whisper before crashing their lips together.

Dabi gets so lost in tasting himself he doesn’t notice the hero lining himself up until he slams his cock in with one thrust. It knocks the breath out of Dabi but Hawks’ doesn’t slow down or let him adjust. His hips slam into Dabi with a fervor that didn’t exist in all the other times they fucked.

They usually fucked hard and fast, of course, never having the luxury of a lot of free time for their activities. But right now, there’s a desperation that hasn’t been behind Hawks’ movement before. It’s so much more than a quick fuck.

The way Hawks’ kisses him. The way his hands explore Dabi’s body, grabbing him in all the right places. Touching him along his staple lines, grabbing his hips, scratching his sensitive nipples. Dabi becomes putty under his touch, reduced to nothing more than a whimpering, throbbing mess.

The second orgasm for Dabi comes out of nowhere—Hawks’ thumb merely brushes against his clit and suddenly walls are clamping down on Hawks as he rides the waves of pleasure. His back arches and he can feel his skin pulling as a feral smile spreads across his face.

“Those aren’t tears, Touya,” Hawks whispers when Dabi comes back down. His hand cradles Dabi’s face for a moment, his thumb swiping under his eye and pulling back to reveal a red stain of blood.

“‘Bout as good as you’re gonna get, Keigo,” Dabi whispers back before grabbing his hand and popping Hawks’ thumb into his mouth, swirling his tongue around the digit in an imitation of Hawks’ actions in the hall. Copper floods his senses and he moans as Hawks’ hips still.

When he moves again, that raging fire behind his motions is gone. The heat has condensed into a smoldering ember that sparks with each slow thrust. If Dabi didn’t know any better, he’d think they were making love.

He pushes down the flutter in his chest and focuses on the drag of Hawks’ dick inside of him. Hawks watches him with an unreadable look in his eyes. Dabi pushes himself up to kiss him and get those golden eyes off of him.

Hawks leads the kiss, slowly licking into Dabi’s mouth and moaning when he licks back. They pull apart for moments at a time before meeting together again. Eventually Hawks’ hips begin to stutter and he drops his forehead to Dabi’s shoulder.

Hawks’ body nearly vibrates and his shaky hand finds its way down Dabi’s body. He fast and clumsy but Dabi is sensitive enough to feel himself building another orgasm. He’d be embarrassed by how easy he was if it weren’t for Hawks’ biting his collarbone and whimpering from his own impending release.

Hawks changes the angle of his thrusts and smacks his hand directly on Dabi’s clit and thats all it takes for him to come undone. His eyes roll back and his legs lock behind Hawks to force him as deep as possible.

He feels the hot release of Hawks’ cum inside of him as he shakes, his arms obviously close to giving out. Dabi wraps his hands around Hawks, pulling him down and encouraging the man to collapse on him. Hawks follows his hold and presses them together, his full weight pinning Dabi to the mattress.

Dabi only feels a little bitter that Hawks never lost his shirt, but he doesn’t need a middle school education to understand the reasoning. Hawks works in a few more small thrusts before his hips finally rest, his twitching cock still deep in Dabi’s pussy.

They remain in this position, silently holding each other, until Hawks’ softens and his cum starts to leak and dribble down Dabi’s ass. The villain makes a noise of disgust and the hero hums in understanding.

Surprisingly he sits up and pulls his shirt off, using the top to swipe away the cum and sweat that accumulated between them before tossing it to the side. He nudges Dabi with his knee and he rolls to his side allowing Hawks to crawl up behind him.

Dabi isn’t used to having time after they fuck. He doesn’t know what to say and hopes that the hammering of his heart can be written off as adrenaline from sex and not nerves from whatever they’re doing now.

Hawks holds him close, pressing kisses into his shoulder and lightly scratching his stomach. Eventually Dabi shudders, a cold chill running through him. Hawks grabs the blanket that ended up crumpled at their feet and covers them both.

“What kinda quirk makes you act like this,” Dabi complains but scoots back when he notices Hawks isn’t as close as before.

“Don’t make me talk about it,” Hawks whines, hiding his face in Dabi’s neck. “I’m, uh,” he breaks off with a nervous chuckle. “I’ll probably be ready to go again in a few minutes.” He bites into Dabi’s skin and the villain hisses.

“Go fuck a sex doll, I’m not just gonna lay here and let you use me, you freak,” Dabi huffs but he still doesn’t fight Hawks’ hold.

“That would be a great idea if it would work,” Hawks replies wistfully.

Dabi rolls over, grunting when one of his staples catches on the sheets. He lays on his back and grabs Hawks’ cheeks, forcing him to make eye contact. “Spill,” he demands.

Hawks makes a stupid face with his lips pressed and Dabi releases him to let him speak.

“Some sort of quirk that usually just makes someone horny. They get their rocks off however they see fit,” Hawks makes a circular motion with his finger as he talks.

“But you’re not usual because?”

“Apparently it fucks with mutant quirks and brings out any, ahem…quirks. That would interact with a sexually stimulating effect.”

Dabi stares at him for a moment, thinking. “So what, your bird dick needs a warm place or you can’t nut? I feel so special!” he cackles.

“Hawks mate for life.” Hawks says, his tone completely serious.

Oh. Oh.

“So what, I’m your soulmate cause we boned a few times?” Dabi laughs again, but his nerves show.

“Part-time soulmate,” Hawks replies. “Full-time problem,” he adds with a sneer before leaning down to kiss Dabi.

Dabi doesn’t know what to think about this pseudo-confession. There’s just a few more weeks before the league makes their move. They don’t have a chance to explore what they are to each other. They’re playing with fire and Dabi knows all too well how that story ends.

He decides thinking about it would be useless. He opts for feeling—letting himself be selfish for once and enjoying Hawks while he still can. He drives some heat into their kiss, already feeling Hawks’ cock stirring for another round.

The league, the war, the boiling water on the stove…all of that fades as he gives himself into Hawks’ embrace.

Notes:

Yes, this is influenced by the Fall Out Boy song of the same title as this fic. I heard 'part-time soulmate full-time problem' and remembered May wanted to see how I would write dabihawks and here we are! I really don't know how to write porn without getting sappy. I think they're stuck together whether they like it or not. But they honestly do like it.

check me out on the bird app for more of my writing (but again this is the first time i've written this ship so dont go expecting much)

thank you for reading <3