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‘What are you thinking about?’ Wild asked Four curiously.
The small Smithy’s eyes were glazed and distant, his expression intent, as it sometimes was when he was thinking about a conundrum that he found especially interesting.
Four blinked and came back to the present with a considering hum.
‘I just… I find it interesting that despite all of the time between our eras, we all speak languages that are relatively similar. Sure there is the odd word here and there that has changed meaning, or is no longer in regular use, but overall it’s very consistent.’
Wild hummed thoughtfully.
‘My Hylian is a little different from what we speak as a group.’ He informed him softly. ‘I’ve been speaking my Hyrule’s version of Traveller’s Hylian with you.’
Curious lavender eyes snapped towards him and Wild felt his smile widen.
‘Your Hylian is different?’ Four leaned forward at the hip, the swirling steam from the cooking pot Wild was crouched over curling the ends of his hair as he got closer.
‘Can you give me an example?’
Wild sniggered and rapped his ladle sharply on the cooking pot to dislodge any pieces of sticking vegetable and unhooked his Sheikah slate from his belt.
He tapped it several times, relatching it without summoning anything.
Four looked on in confusion and then Wild grinned.
‘Nah… yeah, alright, Sparky.’
Four blinked. ‘Sp…Sparky?’
A robotic voice, crackling slightly with static, began to speak from Wild’s hip as the Sheikah slate began to translate.
Translation: Sparky, aka bright spark. Someone who is intelligent.
I would love to, person who is smart.
Four looked at Wild in confusion, but the Champion was looking out at the others.
‘Alright, you lot. Time for dindins.’
Translation: Ok everyone, it is now time for dinner.
Silence filled the clearing for a beat before Legend shrugged and stepped forwards with his bowl out.
Wild filled it with a brisk twist of his wrist and handed it back. ‘Right-o, Bluey. Wrap your laughing gear around that lot.’
Translation: Bluey, another name for a read headed person.
Laughing gear, another name for mouth
Translation: Ok, red headed person who is in front of me. Please try putting this in your mouth. It will be delicious.
‘My what?’ Legend asked deadpan.
Wild chuckled. ‘Yeah, guess you don’t laugh much right, mate? Should say, get that in your cake hole.’’
Translation: I forgot. You are a snarky asshole who does not often laugh. Please put this in your mouth. It will be delicious.
Legend’s eyes narrowed sharply, but he chose to ignore the Sheikah slate’s translation and he leaned forwards to look at Wild more carefully.
‘Are you concussed?’
Wild threw his head back and laughed. ‘Yeah, nah. All good, Blue, no stress.’
Translation: No, I am perfectly fine. Thank you so much for your kind inquiry into the state of my health.
Unconvinced, Legend glanced at Four who was torn between fascinated and amused and shrugged, checking out of the conversation and making his way back to his place by the campfire while his stew was still hot.
‘Here you go, Shark bait.’ Wild handed Wind his dinner, the Sailor staring up at him with one unimpressed eyebrow raised almost to his hairline.
Translation: Here you go, small person, usually a child, who would provide barely a mouthful of sustenance to a passing shark. Please eat this, it will be delicious.
‘I….thanks…’ The youngest said slowly unsure whether he had been insulted or not.
He looked in his bowl and saw that despite Wild’s strange behaviour, the stew looked as good as ever.
He shrugged, prioritising stew in the same way Legend had, but unlike the Vet, decided to delegate the problem to someone else.
‘Twilight! There’s something wrong with Wild.’ Wind called in a sing-song voice.
He plonked down next to a tree, bright eyes focussed on the chaos in front of him as the cook continued to serve the others.
Unsure of what shenanigans were taking place at the front of the line, both Time and Twilight approached cautiously.
‘Heya, Tiny.’ Wild said, addressing Time as he ladled a generous portion of stew into his bowl.
‘This is my best yet, I think if you give it a fair suck of the sauce bottle, you’ll find it’s even better than the old trouble and strife’s.’
Translation: Hello person who is very tall. This stew is the best I have made in some time. I am of the opinion that if you give it a chance, you may find that it is even more agreeable than your wife’s, undoubtedly incredible stew.
Time paused, torn between curiosity and offence, the stew in his hand and his eye narrowed slightly.
‘I’ll let this pass because you haven’t met her yet, but nothing is better than Malon’s stew, Cub.’
He looked back at the Champion who was grinning back, mischief written clean across his face.
‘Too right, your missus is a saint.’
Translation: I did not mean to cause offence. I have heard that your wife is an amazing woman, with kindness and beauty that will reach a hundred generations.
Time nodded, apparently mollified and backed up a step, clearing his throat.
‘Well… good… ok then.’
He clapped a fortifying hand on Twilight’s shoulder.
...good luck.’
‘Wild…?’ Twilight began carefully, his hand held out as though approaching a skittish goat.
‘Are you alright, I think maybe you need to sit down. I think maybe you’re feverish.’
Four snorted into his stew and Wild grinned back serenely at his mentor, filling his bowl to the brim and ducking away from the hand that was reaching to test his forehead for fever.
‘Oh well, you know what they say. Opinions are like assholes. Everyone has one.’
Translation: Oh well, you know what they say. Opinions are like assholes. Everyone has one.
Legend snorted in surprised amusement behind them and Wild winked at him.
‘Good to see you got that one, Bluey.’
Translation: I’m so very glad to see that you both understood that joke, and found it amusing, person who has red hair.
He turned back to Twilight and widened his eyes, muttering in a stage whisper.
‘Always thought that had a few roos loose in the top paddock, you know?’
Translation: Sometimes used to describe a person who does not seem to be very intelligent.
Sometimes used to describe someone who is obviously highly intelligent, but says something that is very much not intelligent.
Legend frowned and looked up. ‘Wait. Did you just fucking insult me ?’
Wild shook his head innocently and tapped the slate on his hip lightly, pinning the insult firmly on a translation error.
‘What… is this?’ Twilight mumbled interrupting the Vet, completely bewildered. ‘What’s happening? Are you sick?’
‘Oy, oy, no need to carry on like a pork-chop, Slim.’
Translation: It’s ok, no need to get worked up, person who is very strong looking. My important physical functions are in homeostasis, please do not be concerned about my well-being.
Wild filled Warriors bowl and gave him a grin. ‘There you go, Spunky. This one is choc a block with meat, you’re gonna love it.’
Translation: Please take this, you exceptionally good looking person. This stew is full of meat, I have also added extra to your bowl and believe that you will like it. It is delicious.
Warriors paused at the oddly complimentary staticky translation, and then twirled back to face Wild with a grin and a wink before continuing on his way, stew bowl firmly in hand and an extra bounce in his step.
‘No, wait! Why are you insulting me and complimenting the Pretty Boy?!’ Legend whined half-heartedly from the ground where he was sitting.
Wild turned to Hyrule who was grinning back at him and chuckled slightly. ‘Roolz! Mate, I made your favourite!’
Translation: Hyrule, my friend who I appreciate so much, I will insult you to your face and then tell others of your greatness when your back is turned. I have made your favourite for dinner.
Hyrule grinned and looked into the bowl. ‘Too right you did! This is better than a kick up the ass!’
Translation: You did! Thank you so much, I appreciate the effort you have gone to for me. I also appreciate you and will also fondly insult you to your face, while telling others of your incredible feats behind your back.
‘What the hell?’ Twilight mumbled, running a hand down his face. ‘It’s spreading.’
‘Nah.’ Wild disagreed calmly. ‘When Rulez and me are hitting the old frog and toad, and we’re somewhere between Cooee and Woop Woop we have a chinwag. He’s picked it up like an old pro.’
Translation: No. When Hyrule and I are walking and we are in the middle of nowhere, we talk between ourselves as we are true friends who greatly enjoy being in one another’s company. He has picked up some phrases and seems very intelligent.
‘Are you complimenting everyone but me?’ Legend demanded, his mouth full of stew.
‘...and Malon.’ Time added despondently, spooning stew into his mouth.
‘I think I was also insulted.’ Wind muttered his place next to the tree. ‘But… I’m not entirely sure.’
Hyrule grinned back and took his bowl, saluting the Rancher with his spoon as he tried to figure out what was happening.
Wild turned back to Sky who was hesitating, his bowl clutched in his hands, eyes wide.
‘No worries, Shazza, she’ll be right. Come and get some dindins.’
Translation: It is ok, Sky. Please do not worry. Come and get some dinner. It will be delicious.
He held a ladle out enticing the other closer and Sky reached out with his bowl. Apparently not wanting to get too close.
‘Ok, ok.’ Four muttered finally, unable to take it anymore.
‘You’ve made your point, your Hylian is definitely different to what we speak! I get it! Please stop!!’
‘No need to crack the shits, mate.’ Wild grinned. ‘All you had to do was ask.’
Translation: It is alright, no need to get crabby. I was only teasing because I like you all very much, and appreciate your company. All you had to do was ask.
Four stared at Wild for a long moment, the Champion grinned back, completely unrepentant and finally served his own bowl of stew.
‘.........can you teach me?’
‘Bloody oath, Sparky!’
Translation: Of course I can, person who is very intelligent. I would love to.