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Alex was in deep shit.
Sitting in a room filled with straw, Alex was in over their head. Though pretty soon their head would probably be gone, so maybe that was a plus? Except then they’d be dead, which was less of a plus. They sort of liked being alive.
Unfortunately for this love of living, they were facing an impossible task and it was entirely their own fault. Though some of it was also Rex Roofers. Y’know what? Blaming Rex Roofer felt much more productive than what Alex was doing at the moment, so they decided to keep doing that.
Really it was Rex Roofer’s fault for taking what Alex said as the truth. Everyone knew that very little of anything Alex said was truth of any kind. Everyone knew how much Alex loved to brag. On the other hand, everyone also knew just how much Rex Roofer loved his gold.
So instead of doing something fun, like burning down an orphanage, Alex was trapped in a room, faced with the command to turn straw into gold or be executed.
Alex groaned. They were gonna lose their head. Their parents would be so disappointed in them.
“Bro… What is with all the straw?” Alex looked up at the deep voice to find a man sitting in front of him. Wait- no, the man was standing, he was just super short. Like Alex-was-sitting-on-the-ground-and-still-a -bit-taller-than-him short. Alex had no clue how the man got into the room, but they weren’t really about to question it. They were just glad to have someone to complain to again.
“Roofer is making me spin this straw into gold. If it isn’t all done by sunrise then he’ll kill me.”
The man sucked air in through his teeth. “That’s rough buddy. I’m guessing you’re just as much of a procrastinator as I am?”
Alex gave him an incredulous look. “Are you serious? The sooner you get things done the less you need to care about them.”
The man tilted his head, looking confused. “So why isn’t there any gold in the room? The sun rises in…” The man trailed off. He held two fingers up to the sky with a calculating look on his face. “Three hours and twenty minutes.” He said it with a certainty that, especially added to the ridiculous shortness, convinced Alex that the man wasn’t human.
“I can’t, idiot! It’s not possible!”
The man squinted at him. “Huh.” He reached out to poke Alex, but Alex brushed his hand away. “You have some power, though.”
Alex shrugged. “Not that one.”
The man stared at them for a few minutes, long enough to make Alex start to feel slightly uncomfortable. They didn’t normally feel self conscious, but the way this stranger was looking at them made them feel like he had been expecting more from them. Which was stupid! Alex had a good power and a perfect stage persona. They were feared and adored and they basked in all the attention they got, good or bad. But somehow this one person had made them feel like somehow this wasn’t enough.
“I could do it.” The nonchalant way that the offer was thrown out there in no way matched the possibility it brought to Alex’s future. Mostly that they might once again have a future. “For a price, of course. It will be gold, after all, so it won’t be cheap.” Alex nodded eagerly. They didn’t have much, but they very much wanted to have a life, and they would do whatever it took to get that back. They man raised an eyebrow at them, most likely judging the lack of thought they seemed to have put into their decision, but Alex couldn’t possibly care less.
“Sure! What do you want?”
“Uh…” The man paused, giving Alex a moment to take stock of what they actually had, setting it out on the straw covered floor between the two of them like a miscellaneous goods seller at the market on Sundays. It turned out not to be very much. They had a smashed up cookie they had forgotten about, a necklace with their mother’s birthstone they’d been planning on giving her, a multi-tool-knife-thing their dad had given them at some point that they’d never used, a charred lint roller, a dog toy (Alex had no idea where that was even from), and a pocket hairbrush. They really hoped the mad didn’t take the hairbrush, they actually used it quite a lot.
The stranger watched their process as they emptied their pockets looking slightly concerned and more than a little confused. “I guess I’ll take the swiss army knife.” They said, a bit uncertain as they reached for it, warily watching the lint roller like it was cursed.
“Deal!” Alex reached out and grabbed the man’s other hand, shaking it like they were trying to pull his arm off. “Now can you get this done? I really hate being trapped in here.”
The man nodded, maybe agreeing, maybe just dizzy from the handshake. He looked around the room like he was searching for something. “Where’s your spinning wheel?” He asked.
There was no spinning wheel in sight in the entire room, just piles and piles of straw. “Um… I think it got buried under the straw…” Alex looked around the room guiltily, refusing to make eye contact with the other person.
“Okay then.” The man said with a sigh. “Three hours ‘till sunrise. Let’s get to work.”
They needed to hustle, but in the end they were done five minutes before sunrise. Alex honestly had no idea how they did it.
They heard the echo of boots walking down from the far end of the stupidly long hallway that led to the room they were in. Alex felt the man gently nudge their arm from where he was perched on the window sill.
“If you ever need help with another ‘impossible’ task,” He smirked and handed them a business card with D-Tier written on it in cursive. Alex turned to him, intent on asking about it, but the man was already gone.
“What the fuck dude- again?!”
“Sorry- It really wasn’t my fault though!”
“Y’know what? Whatever. Just- you know the drill.”
“That’s everything.”
“...How do you have literally the
exact same stuff
in your pockets as last time?? Do you even wear different clothes?”
“Um…”
“Never mind, I’ve decided I don’t want to know. I’ll just take the necklace.”
“It’s bloodstone.”
“Of course it is…”
So, maybe by the third time it happened it actually was Alex’s fault. To be fair, the strange man that showed up when they were stuck in the room was really interesting. He was witty and snarky and kinda cute and didn’t really seem to care what Alex thought of him. Which seemed really unfair to Alex, considering just how much they cared what the man thought of them.
“This is the third time, Alex. I really gotta up the price to keep you outta here, huh?”
“I have new stuff this time!” Truth be told, Alex had actually been looking forward to this. But instead the stranger shook his head. “What?”
“No, something else.” He gave Alex a calculating look, and Alex wondered if this time they were actually in trouble. They really didn’t know much about the man– not even his name! Maybe this was a bad idea. Not that they could really get out now, it was whatever D-Tier wanted or death-by-Roofer, which was really just a humiliating way to die.
“Marry me.” Alex blinked. And then they blinked again. He could not have just said that.
“What?”
D-Tier shrugged. “That’s my price. Agree to marry me and I’ll spin your straw into gold. Unless…” He looked like he was second guessing himself, his confident tone slipping a bit. “Unless you can guess my name.”
It wasn’t exactly that Alex didn’t want to marry him, but they could never resist a good guessing game. “Rumpelstiltskin?”
The short man’s eyes widened. “What the fuck sort of name is that? No!”
“Chad!” Alex was going to have so much fun with this.
D-Tier just pinched the bridge of his nose instead of answering. “God. Just find the wheel so I can start spinning.” He told Alex, who did as they were asked, still thinking of names to guess. Behind them they heard the man mutter something to himself that sounded like, “This is going to be a long night.”
The wedding ceremony was small, just the captain of a ship (they could officiate weddings, so Alex had found one and kept her alive when they burned her ship) and Alex’s parents.
Everything was going smoothly. Except then Alex was supposed to say their fiance’s name. They grimaced.
“Can I get a hint?” The short man’s brow furrowed.
“Wait, you actually don’t know?”
Alex tilted their head to the side, confused. “How on Earth would I?”
D-Tier slammed his palm into his forehead with such force that Alex worried he might have given himself a concussion. “It was on the back of my fucking business card, you idiot! I thought you knew! I thought the guessing game was a joke!” He let out such a pained sigh that Alex worried their fiance did actually give himself head trauma. “Excuse us.” He said politely to the captain and Alex’s parents as he dragged them into a separate room.
“Are you okay?”
“Do you want to marry me?”
Alex stared. “What the fuck sort of question is that? I’m marrying you, aren’t I?”
The shorter man shook his head. “I said, ‘Do you want to marry me?’ I thought you knew my name. I thought you knew you could get out of it any time you wanted.” He groaned and ran a hand through his hair. It was very nice hair. It looked very soft. Alex wanted to be the one to run their fingers through it. And what a stupid thought that was, being jealous of someone because they got to touch their own hair.
“Well then what is your name?” They asked, trying to get back on track. But that hair-
“Morgan.” The name was delivered with a defeated sigh. “I’m sorry about all of this. I… I had this stupid idea that I could get someone to marry me and then my parents wouldn’t be able to have control over me in things like medical emergencies or whatever, and you’re handsome and I enjoy being around you and you’re really an idiot a lot of the time but that’s okay and…” Morgan trailed off again. “I’m sorry.”
Alex grabbed his hand before he could disappear or walk away. “Morgan.” Alex decided it was a fun name to say and they set themself a private goal to say it as many times as they could without making it weird. ‘ Back to Earth, Alex ’ they reprimanded themself. Gently they tilted Morgan’s chin up so they could meet his eyes, never forcing him to move his head, just guiding. “Morgan. Will you marry me?”
It looked like Morgan’s face had been pulled off and all that was left was his confusion. “What?”
Alex smiled at the chance to repeat their fiance’s name. “Morgan, will you marry me?”
Slowly Morgan’s face turned hopeful. He bit his lip like there was something he was trying to stop himself from saying.
“Please?” Alex added. Morgan burst out in laughter.
“Yes.” He wheezed when he finally stopped laughing too hard to breathe. “Yes I will.”
“Oh, good, I was really hoping you would say that.” Alex smiled at him, humor in their eyes. “Does right now work for you?”
Morgan hummed thoughtfully, tapping his chin as he did. “I’d have to check my schedule, but maybe I can move some things around.”
“Wonderful, because my parents are in town and I know just the person to marry us.”
Morgan smirked and squeezed Alex’s hand, which was still holding onto his. “Well then what are we waiting for, straw to turn into gold? Let’s get married!”